The BIGGEST Reasons 80% Of Relationships FAIL... | Esther Perel 

Remember: You chose her!

Sae thought

What happens when you tell her that?

@@RatetheDebate nothing… they’ll deny and get mad you’re confronting them about it.

@@giselle4749 Probably accurate in most cases.

Love is a verb, not a feeling. I think you both discovered it.

Damn, that's good John. Much respect to you both.

I’m so happy for you John & your wife Sonia, you found what so many miss out on. Good luck & all the best.

how do she achieve this john?

Blessed

If a man does this a woman will be obsessed with trying to make you like her...

The problem in Western culture, particularly America, is women have been taken out of their place in an attempt to put them on equal footing as a man. Do not get me wrong, I cannot bare a child, nor do I have the empathy of a righteous woman. But women are not supposed to be in the leadership position. They get run over rough shod, any woman who disagrees with that is just simply in denial. The majority of divorce today is initiated by women, only because they can, and that's it. Another major problem is the extreme over empashis on sex. You have 70 year old women acting like teenagers. Unbelievable how far and fast America had fallen. I am not blaming women for the fall of our culture. That will fall squarely on the shoulders of men... the way it should be Not women

Contempt means run and fast.

I can not understand what hold one in relationship if he feels the coldness and indifference from his partner.

@@snezana1232a mortgage, a retirement account.

Thee you go. Spot on.

Half way? Spouses are supposed to meet each other all the way, so that when needed either of you can carry the both you.

Exactly. I didn’t blame him because I was ashamed of my behaviour, but because my needs weren’t met. I didn’t give up and I didn’t come as passive- aggressive like him

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Actually...its a NOUN...it can be a verb, when the noun is used, in actions!!

Beautifully said :)

@@pamelafrey7919 Did u ever read EPHESIANS ch.5: all

It has to work both ways or else it becomes frustrating.

I am so going to tell that to my partner of 10 years what your wife said that's so great

Thats wonderful, I read your comment twice, and I'm taking it to à new relationship that has just started à few weeks ago. I met a great woman and I I have much optimism that things will go very well for us. Thank you truly for your comment.

That’s great. Beautiful, man. I love that realization. Most of what I learned of love, identity, and sex, I was taught from the world (environment) (the experts were teaching me…that they were just as screwed up as I was…learning from the world) Now, I am listening to God and those whom love comes through. I have good identity & sex…all the time…because I am a sex…now, accepting, loving & living in it. So, good for you!!!

@M PW 9 years

Thats so great! Way to keep the fire burning!

You will be ok. Get to know God. Feed your spirit

lucky guy .... btw 26 years in drain because you didnt feel like a princess all the time thats rough 🤣 how much did you stole from him in divorce settlement ?btw 26 years you are probably around 50 maybe 50 + exhusband maybe even more what did you expect ?🤣 btw nice one sided thesis what about his side of story ? we dont need it right 🤣 ? you was always best wife ever ...role model of wives .... right 🤣 never annoying ,always supportive .... probably daily in gym right ? 😂

Don’t worry, be happy😊 you will be happy on the other side…

"My husband began not making us or me a priority" And the person in your position rarely sees how you may have contributed to him suddenly changing after 26 years. What were you doing in that 26 years?

@@GaryHighFruit But she did not say it was a sudden change after 26 years. My guess is that it was very gradual.

Lucky

Blessed ❤

Until you meet again. ❤️ Thanks for sharing.

34 years till she passed.

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Yes, but what is the path to that key? Once you’ve reached that point in a relationship, it becomes virtually impossible to just stop being there. Everything that has been a trigger still exists, in every moment.

@@Gk2003m Forgiveness is the key and stop putting expectations on the relationship.

@@annewilson834 That works, if both parties agree to it and practice it (which gets to the gist of my previous question, more on that momentarily). But if only one person does it and the other does not, the person doing it quickly becomes a doormat. To me, the key is PRACTICE. And both parties have to to it. New behaviors do not simply exist. They need to be built. Just as we practice a violin til we get good at it, just as we practice playing a sport til we become proficient… being good at relationships requires lots of work.

The trust is gone for life in a matter of 3 minutes.

I love how she explains violence as micro-aggressions. Working against someone, not caring how thy feel or what they think it’s a basic lack of coordination, respect and decency. And often this is attributed to the others persons ego.

Contempt is it.

NOT ONE of these are root causes to problems. All are 100% symptoms to root causes, not the root cause themselves. IDK how she get's away with it.

@@crforfreedom7407 🙌🏽💯 I Agree

@@crforfreedom7407 what then are the root causes?

There is a wonderful book called “no more mr nice guy” by Robert glover that you might find helpful.

yes, you surely deserve better, it's a pity that this idea took so long to become strong enough to act. I wish you will be happy and tender to yourself and never let anyone treat you badly. Self love and self esteem is smth that personal borders and happy life and relationship are built on. As someone who overcame domestic violence, I can say that it's extremely important to quit this victim pattern ("she made smth to me and I couldn't protect myself") and to take your part of responsibility not for what other person did to you (it's not your fault), but for LETTING her behave that way for so many years. You had some reasons to stay there for so long, but the core reason is the lack of self love and self respect and self esteem. If I love and take care of myself, if I am precious to myself and I choose myself and my well-being every moment over everything, than no one can forcely make me treat myself badly, nobody can hurt me, cause I will fight for myself with all my strength. No relationship is more precious than the one with myself, and letting other people hurt me means betraying myself. That's what I faced and what my grief was all about. Good luck. Btw C-PTSD therapy might be useful. The hardest thing is that we still regret the failure of marriage and loss of partner even in case it was as bad as hell. Take care, you will be fine, I know. For anyone out there living in abuse of any kind: quit right now, nobody will come and save you, don't wait for a miracle or a change, just run right now as far as you can. I am giving this unwanted advice because I wish someone told this to me many years ago, but nobody did. Recovery takes years and will never be full. Don't expose yourself to violence, never, it's not worth it. Hugs.

You do deserve better and will find it. Don't be hard on yourself, we let go when we are ready. I wish you all the best & stay strong

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@@awaalex6918 I hope you were not offended in anyway

Great way of putting it

if a spouse only treats you like a friend and doesn't have sex then it's just as bad.

Hell no

@@hackmedia7755 agreed! this is what happens so frequently in LT relationships.....

Spot on

Alex - no, that (friendship or phileo in Greek) is the foundation for any relationship. That entails you knowing and accepting a persons faults bc they are compatible with some of yours. At least unitl some of their other faults piss off some of your other ones too. But one friend in life is your share. But when it comes to a man and a woman in marriage the foundation must be sexual intercourse. This is where men are failing women in relationship since time began. Ppl just odnt knwo and it is primarily ghidden fromthe woman The problem is still one thing. When the dude finish the average female is just beginning to get started to cum. And while it is suppose to be alleviating the stress as a female in this world, she is getting more frustrated. So addition to her PMS< GAD< ADA she has free-floating-anxiety. (FFA) Every female past 20 will need sex according to her age. Our libidos are progressive in tolerance. It really builds up in anticipation of menopause where you can have sex every day instead of 3 weeks out the month. I wrote a book called "Sexual perfection" that breaks down the woman orgasm system.

I agree. My wife has been my best friend for 63 years.

Best Friends... absolutely. People get hung up not knowing how to be best friends and projecting past pain-hurt is unfair to a completely different partner.

Adrian Rose YO ADRIAN

It helps, but not guaranteed…my best friend is still my ex husband.

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Good Dad

Oh wow. Sorry for your loss

Sending you virtual condolences for your recent loose and I'm feeling that your partner will be there for you .Accept the kindness ✨️

Ditto, but in REVERSE. My parents SHOWED me the OPPOSITE of the four problems listed, and I got to watch them. Opposite of indifference : CHERISHING. Neglect versus SUPPORT. Violence versus LOVE/CARE. Contempt versus RESPECT. My parents gave each other Loyalty, Support, and Affection. They cherished each other AND the relationship.

Agreed! 🧡

Love what this lady has to say. Things that are obvious. But things we don't always think about ! Spot on. 👍👋

I agree , most people are always wanting more after a while .Complacency is a killer in marriage when it shouldn’t be. If you are an attractive individual then you feel invincible to the point where you won’t think twice about leaving your partner.

Happiness comes from within, no one else can bestow it upon you. As Abraham Lincoln said " most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Can you please call my ex and tell her that

Blue Screen nails it. If you are just after your own personal satisfaction, then you have no place in a relationship. To be in a relationship is being one body with others, whether it is marriage or simply friendship. Everyone must work and make effort for the satisfaction of each member as a whole.

A good marriage is based on respect and love. If you disrespect your partner constantly and verbally attack them then it’s a quick road to the end.

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I learned that a few years ago and it's also in a book written in part by Bill Wilson where it's pointed out that : Serenity is inversely proportional to expectation . As I've been aware of this for awhile now I have also noticed that not all expectations are wrong to have. I no longer get emotionally attached to someone unless and until these truths are known.. I no longer use only my eyes to see. As with most of the critical lessons of life this one came at a very high price..

So true! Resentment is a killer.

I am barred from using saying "No" to my girlfriend. It is grounds for accusations of attack or abuse. She on the other hand does not acknowledge the doubt standard. Apparently I am the cause of all her tears, yet after so many times I have said ok, go find someone else, she's still loitering in my head space.

So this means we shouldn’t expect the attention. So a total oxymoron.

So sorry to hear this!

The beauty about heartache is that there is such an enriching opportunity to learn, to grow and to apply all that rich learning to all areas of our life. Wishing you much strength and resolve for this new chapter.

Mine Prioritised her self - her friends and her family - even though I am still seeing her after our divorce which is crazy even though I should not be doing so - we still have intimacy ?

@@marksallai2289 Why do you allow and perpetuate this terrible dynamic? Sometimes we don't realize the very damage we participate in. But you are conscious of the dysfunction and hand over the keys willingly. It's an imperative moment to question why you permit this for yourself and then make decisions that center your well being.

@@MyrnaDeJesus I am mixed up and want to let her go but I cannot yet - I don't have any answers but I feel one day another woman may change this - I am going away soon on my own to a few countries to clear my head and focus on new things

Is she still your girlfriend?

Sounds like the modern white women raised in America since the 1970’s

you da king! thx 🙏🏽

Totally

This is a good list but isn't what she lists.

Ray, I really think that "Not growing" is the number one issue these days. The world has way too much crap being tossed around on t.v., radio, and the internet and many people are addicted to changing at a moment's notice for whatever is deemed "sexy" and they leave, turning their backs on their spouses. I see this all the time.

🎯 bravo.. list is sooo familiar and real.

Most people understand that non-talking is not communicating. Fewer understand that non-LISTENING is also not communicating.

Absolutely spot on!

@@jamesredman1263in

Yes but dig deeper. Sound communication is predicated on compatibility of yolk. If the two do not communicate at the same level of depth and meaning, can't "get" each other, and even if they do, can't meet each other's needs due to wiring, they can talk until the cows come home. The marriage still can't be fixed. Marriage between internally incompatible people can never be "fixed," even if kept intact.

Nonviolent Communication saved my marriage. Taking responsibility for getting my own needs met was a game changer. ❤️⭐️💜

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Thank you for sharing. Many of us need to hear that there is hope :)

I had to do the same at 46. It’s amazing to realize this and how much it affects in my life. Glad to hear you’ve made the effort

That gave me hope, I'm 60, the last boyfriends ex wife seemed to demand his attention, so much so, I had to go and asked him to clean up his energetic field, I hope he does as I fell in love but he can't reciprocate except when we're together, very stressful when apart

Thank you for tuning in 🧡

Same brother, but I’m at 51 and single. Makes me wish I’d seen this at twenty.

Completely agree. This is brilliant

Thank you for showing love and your continued support 🧡

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Go with what you know , I'm glad somebody followed their Heart , and not their Head....👽

I found love with my first love. 25 years apart. I found a house on the internet and brought it, happened to be next door to him.

@@jenniferstephens1359 crikey the odds of that happening and did you catch up with each other?

​@@jenniferstephens1359 you two were supposed to meet again x

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… love | hate are symptoms of attachment. To overcome those in detaching entails indifference.

@@VaronPlateando Except for unconditional love, which has no attachments.

I'm with you on this. It is much easier to be alone.

I agree

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Same! I wish she would cover the topic of enmeshment within divorced parents and children and how it affects a new spouse within the damage it can cause. Enmeshment may probably and most likely will destroy a second marriage relationship. It gives little hope in the long term.

You got that right. It's still unknown to most people. I suspect nearly every commenter here that had a bad relationship was with a covert narcissist and didn't even know it. Narcs are everywhere today, and the relationship cycle is inevitable.

Narcs have nothing to give, just take.

It's interesting that the bible illustrates Satan as a narcissist. It highlights the main difference between Satan and God as narcissism and a life of self-sacrifice for goals higher than self.

Yes....anyone fortunate enough to have never lived with it, has no idea of the mind games they play and how much work it takes to shake them from taking up real estate in you mind

True!

Agreed!

Agree

Right, and in this culture (capitalism) real quality of life escapes most of us.

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Your older women mature not entitled 20 women today are not worth 1 women of your generation

Some men were created to be celibate. Celibacy is their test in the world. Because they're sensitive and emotional and because they are dependent on people and human emotions of feelings of love and loyalty, celibacy is their test and celibacy is their answer. Celibacy is their blessing and celibacy they think is their curse. And whenever an intelligent and wise man goes into a relationship and seeks love and happiness in this world from a woman, he ends up suffering so much through other reasons that he ends up emotionally and mentally breaking down and becoming depressed and dependent upon a man emotionally physically and eventually sexually. And many of them end up falling in love with younger boys after sexually being involved with an intelligent and emotional man who feels dishonoured and humiliated by the sexually serving their boyfriends and husbands. The answer is very simple. Celibacy... Purity. Piety. Chastity. Although for a person who is mentally and emotionally depressed and spends all his life crying weeping and wailing and being sad, the greatest nightmare of that person is to be single and chaste. But if they could suffer that pain of celibacy for 3 to 5 years, then they would find such happiness and such fulfilment in their lives and they would never ever have to go through the long part of seeking sexual pleasure from a woman and then falling in love with a man and then becoming a criminal to keep that man and then becoming a murderer and a monster and a weak person who is dependent on another person's love and has to destroy the universe and every religion and every law just to justify themselves and they're sick sexual sexuality. Although celibacy and Chastity is a word of fear and terror to men. These two words hold every honour, every friendship, every happiness, every power, every fulfilment, health happiness honour respect true friendships ultimate happiness and ultimate success in this world and the next for every single emotional and intelligent man. No man in the world suffered because of celibacy. No man in the world ever suffered because of chastity. No man was ever famed because he was celibate. No man was ever tortured because he was chaste. No man was ever tortured and humiliated and assaulted because he was pious. No man was ever killed murdered or framed for being celibate and chaste and pure

Exactly! We have to be smart and strong enough to choose between good pride (letting others recognize your worth) and toxic pride (competing with others just to step on higher)! God bless❤️

Yes but loyalty is only possible with love. if you don't first love your wife and rely on loyalty only, wait until someone you actually love shows up, then get back to me on loyalty. Love is a precursor to loyalty.

Beautiful story.

@@scarlettg6136 Would you believe that all these years later I can still see them as they were that day. They were an attractive couple. Poignant, precious memories 💕

7777&787777777777777777777777

7777777777777777777&777777

Correct...30 years..I like my partner, I want to be part of his life, that is the main course...everything else is a side dish..

You went through the divorce along time ago, you’re just physically breaking everything apart now . Best wishes on your journey .

Thats lovely. Your blessed man.

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How many children do you have?

How did you two meet?!

how wonderful. I agree..witholding is the worst..once trust is gone everything is forever ruined

Yeah but she wants us to expect respect, attention, etc so it’s contradictory

Gosh, sounds like my BF Wonder why he hangs on to the relationship.

​@@a.d.b535 Wonder why you would hang onto him?

Do you spend time with your wife, acknowledge and treat her for birthday, valentines and just because

@Jeffrey Sheldrake My advice...you tell her something like this...."I am feeling unloved and ignored. We need to address this, I cant go on like this. In 12 months time things will be very different between us, or I will be gone. Are you willing to go to see a counsellor with me?" This will bring it to a head; either she loves you and values you enough to try to fix things...or she shows her contempt and refuses to go to see a Counsellor...and you walk away.

My wife gets up in the morning, straight out into the garden for an hour or two. I cannot remember when she last made a cup of tea.

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“Especially a woman”…?

@@stevelaw9554 what you are saying is fine, although I would disagree, anecdotally. I just wonder how many female relationship experts out there ARE advocating that individuals should rely on their partner to fulfill their needs and wants? I’ve never heard it. A friend over drinks? Sure. A professional? Never.

@@karynecross3695 Its not necessarily that they are actively advocating it. Its simply that so many women are resistant to the idea that they are a cause or the cause to their problems in life ESPECIALLY where romance is concerned that they will tend to disengage such a conversation, ostensibly in order to move forward in other areas, or simply to keep a 'customer'. Men are accustomed to self-improvement is a basis for self-worth, ie how much they develop themselves. Women struggle mightily with this! They may understand it in terms of schooling & career, but largely ignore in personality and character issue.

Agree!

Very well said… I think about this a lot,

Slippery slope sounds more like an unattainable pipe dream.... don't work at it and it fails from neglect, work at it and it fails from unattainable expectations.

My goodness is this true for my marriage, which is ending

We don't know each other, but I will flat out tell you that is the attitude of women from 16-80 now. I honestly, and in earnest say I have no idea where this notion of "I am going to have my needs met on my terms, and you should be thankful I allow you to do so." came from. I am almost 50, and that attitude is rampant. No sir, let me say it's not about adopting a new attitude about life and relationships, women somewhere along the way picked up this sick since of entitlement, where no matter how little they offer to you in terms of value in a relationship, they deserve the best and should be first priority. They flat out seem offended that the man would have any expectations or desires of his own, that they are expected to take into consideration. Again, I have noticed the same thing, and I have not a clue where all that nonsense has come from.

The false norms about women’s status in society are being promulgated by emotionally immature and profoundly unwise men and women . Causing changes in the nature of human relationships that have existed since before humans evolved.

western women these days are too diificult too demanding, those before emancipation were not, were better, so better of alone, freedome is more important

@@jellylight3358 Add to that: Good men spend their lives teetering on the edge of making one (or more) financial decision that takes down their families. That's pretty late in life to potentially rescue a woman from a life of bad choices, with no consequences. If anything ever happened to my wife, I would never remarry.

@@blueskies7035 I would affirm your choice, unless you could find someone with solid values, and who lived by solid principles.

You sir, are 100% correct.

Sometimes one or both people have emotional baggage. It's like trying to run a marathon while carrying a trunk.

100% right my friend

Or too focused on kids, patients/clients, work, too enmeshed with their family growing up, poor financial management, etc…

Self is our new religion.

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WOW- that woke me up!

Yet, so many can't be bothered to try until the other has given up and walked away......

Keep in mind that relationships evolve. There are things swimming around in your blood in an early relationship that are not there, down the line. Conversely, you build a powerful history together over time that cannot be imitated in an early relationship.

@@blueskies7035 Yes, I have been married for 40 yrs. What I meant by my comment is to treat one another with the same respect by listening to and honoring eachother as individuals. That's something people sometimes forget after being a couple for awhile.

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It's forgotten in life in general. We take everything for granted. But we can change.

Boy, I sure wish relationships started with love! LOL Generally people get into relationships to have their needs met, first and foremost!

And also the most difficult!

Can you please explain to me what you mean by consistency? Thanks! I really appreciate it.

I'm going to respectfully disagree. For many relationship, sure. But others, not so much. My mother was the model of conservatism and consistency, but my father, the love of her life, was a dreamer who dared to try new things and take risks. For example; mom, intelligent and competitive, would play bridge conservatively, by the book, and hated it when her partners made mistakes. There were precious few that she didn't complain to me about at some point. My dad would go for slams and get set from time to time. But she told me several times that he was her favorite bridge partner. She loved him so much that she either got over it quickly or found it endearing. Probably the former.

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I have been in this relationship for 8 years , and only the first 6 months to a year relationship has kept me stay. As I grew up n become matured, I lessen my complain and I know I’m very suspicious even though part of them are true but I always go back to remember how I live him. We synchronize well with our dysfunctions. I’m happy that we are still here together even if we went to fiancée to ex fiancée after 2 years then split up and after 6 months came back n I try to just be happy for what I have … I can’t ask for more! I know I had the chance to date while we splitted up and I dated a new man that was my ideal guy but It was not as fun as with my ex. So we are in relationship that is kinda weird but I’m trying to accept what he is capable to give me . I know that it’s not easy for me to move in as I haven’t met the guy that will give me the butterflies and I know it’s not easy for to fall in love I don’t know why I’m so fixated to this love and being a martyr. We are now just friends n i sold the house where we were together im fir 8 years from dating to gf to engaged then split up then he move moved back after 6 months then all over again I’m quietly hoping to building up our relationship to become bf-gf- fiancée and ultimately get married I’m almost 60 next year and he his 60 as well. I guess I’m si in love with him as I feel there is no one out there that I will feel same just as I feel love for him This must be a crazy love and I asked that one day I get that commitment I been craving for. But he can’t give that ti me si I’m just as happy n try ti be content ti what I have . St times I really think I should really just pick anyone among the guys who likes ti date me but I keep them just friends as I know it’s not easy ti be intimate sexually if you are not attracted inside and out So I don’t know if it’s lame ti choose being independent n just keep waiting for him to one day grow up and settle down. The sad thing about this too is that we are completely not going out nor reintroduce ti his firebrand and sane thing to my side. We are single and free But feel like we keep our relationship to ourselves! I don’t know why I do this ti myself n d as saying to this cruelty but I know it where too as I’m scared to dare n get hurt again. And whenever I asked my ex, about us he will echo back what I feel too . Very complicated but I just have to accept I’m single until now with children one is 25 years old n youngest is 17 n both live away from m. My life is sad n I’m just trying to live with my goals to have my Dani ressurectec n maybe one day my daughter will understand my struggle n don’t think that I exchange her for nonstop looking for love n that’s why as early as 9 years old she was adopted by my family back ti the Philippines . My family wants ti give me a chance to date. And then when I met my present live 8 years ago, I was happy to bring back my daughter to ny life ti have a family unit with a father to be with us. Since I m a single mom with 2 children n their dads chose not to be with us. So when I got engaged, my daughter was 10 years old then and was even asking my ex fiancée if she can call him daddy. L she was very happy shopping for our gown in my wedding. But things went south n now my daughter resented me and my ex that she chose to go back n live with my family one more time and this time she doesn’t communicate ti me at all With all these going on I feel again that my life is so sad n not worth living but I struggle ti get back n be strong and work on my dreams but focusing now to my children and just try to be happy even even if I wish it can be more special!! I’m from the Philippines n I’m a grew up catholic chrustian and so. Much imposed values that I believe n I’m pretty conservative in my dating style. I haven’t met anyone to give my total self ever since my ex n I move to different houses. It’s been a year n yet we see each other not so Often but if we still have that attraction but maybe because he is a man n a player in my thoughts n in my insecurities that’s why I’m just now one of his girls he keeps around just how I have always distrust him in those thoughts n he has the sane distrust with. E but my question is then why we are still together even if we have those insecurities but not to the extent of being married or have that special time together like bf and gf do go out with friends n happy ti be introduce in his circle But he said that will never happen again as I bad talked him to his friends . But I said I grew up n I am going to be just be happy n content after these 8 years iff n in of learning experiences being with him That’s the story of what I call crazy love

As long as it goes both ways. A one sided relationship will never succeed.

Wow, she talks a lot. It's all selfish vanity - meditate and be content within yourself, and all these egotistic mental needs will vanish, she'll be happy making a sandwich in the kitchen and being a woman.

@@cecillepaed5278 sorry to hear it's been rough. Relationships are the hardest things. N I think once we realized what it actually takes to make one work we realize that its nothing near rainbows and butterflies. I think you should organize ur thoughts more, and get a clear picture of what u want. Relationships are complicated but just like video she expresses these problems very clearly and direct. So it seems like the solutions are much more simple its just our emotions that get in the way and we are the ones that complicate it.

Some people will ramp up getting what they can get, in Lue of what they desire on a deeper emotional level. Maybe she wanted a honey-do-me instead?

@@patriciaday1961 it wasn't that for sure. She's the one who shut down the intimacy. Even after 30 + yrs I was having mind blowing, body shaking/tingling orgasms when we made love. She was having orgasms too. She actually chose me as a love interest when we were younger because she wasn't having orgasms with the man pool she was swimming in, in her young 20 's. When I brought that to her table, we were off and running hard ( no pun intended). She got off of 15 yrs of Xanax and opiods and the narcissist was unveiled

You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡

Great suggestion! Her words are worth more than gold and diamonds.

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" They didn't start with love, only an idea of love mixed with desire and loneliness." Wow. That that really hit me. It's so true, at least for me.

Wow very deep comment, thank you very helpful

Pooh, I agree with that all the way!

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Tiffany, its great to read that you are admitting " both " did wrong. We are human. Everyone does mistake and nobody is perfect. I hope you will find your love again

Totally agree. Respect and balance. Love and understanding. Never loose sight of these qualities! 😊

*Never had a GirL Friend in My Life!!!*

​@@Justin.MartyrAt what age? Are you? If you're 16: stop worrying, if you're 26: do not despair yet, if you're 36: you've got a problem.

Yes, Love is the direct opposite of Ego. Well said.

That is well put indeed.

Yes, but insufficient. This is chicken and egg stuff. No one is a random giver. I can't wake up one day, step outside and just decide to give to whomever wants to receive my endless generosity. I can give freely but only to one who inspires me to become a giver - someone i admire for a variety of reasons, usually complex. In that sense, they are already giving me something by default: the inspiration to give. If they feel the same about me: I inspire them to give to me - you have the BIG BANG of love. Otherwise, it ain't gonna happen because no one is an indiscriminate giver.

elevating and very nicely said, Jimmy.

A slow drain, erosion of the original attraction and promise of a growing relationship… It’s not a wonder that men, in general, consider sex as need fulfillment, short term, lumped in with all other ‘must haves’ to live. For all of history, until reliable contraception, women were possessions, work horses, and caregivers. Evolution of consciousness toward valuing the ‘other’, a chosen partner for however long, and not ever even thinking ‘it’s a lot of work’: that’s regressive thinking.

@@dianeorehek4633 Women were 'possession' as a way for men to guarantee they were the father of the children women bore. it was mate-guarding on the extreme. NO man wants to take care of another man's offspring! Life at its primacy is about continuing the DNA line! Women can guarantee their maternity (LOL) but they cant guarantee their provision or safety! men are expected to guarantee the safety & provision! But men want certainty in paternity! its sexual game, a dance, and both sides are trying to gain the upper hand. You also leave out the very real tendency of men to compartmentalize! Women may be thinking about relational things frequently while they deal with other things, but men tend to not do this in practice. Men compartmentalize so they can give the most energy to whatever the task at hand. Women struggle to grasp that at an emotional level.

What is her last name?

@@someawsomeguy100 she is Esther Perel

@@jeanne-miriamkirsten1677 Thanks very much!

While she is formidable, she also stands on the backs of giants! Read some John Gottman (if you havent before) he brings the science to back up Esther Perel's philosophy.

100%

I agree in theory, however if you're with a selfish person who is just on the take all the time, it won't be a healthy relationship. There are a lot of codependents out there who give and give until they''re an empty husk. Having expectations of your partner will protect you from this - sometimes recognising a lack of reciprocation in a relationship is a good indicator that you need a better one.

Yes, and notice that having sex is not a good deed, it is an encounter for the pleasure of both, and a nice thing to do for both, or it shouldn't be at all. Never include sex in your transactions. Preparing a meal while the other tidies the garden are both good deeds, as is fixing the laundry and taking kids to their programs, or having relatives over for dinner in turn, his and hers, both prepaing for it. A woman should make sure that the time and money budgets are rewarding *for both* or her resentment starts building up while the husband starts taking her for granted, which kills love, and kills all the fun and reciprocity. Love is wonderful when it is free and mutual - who has experienced both mutual fairness and generosity, as well as the opposite, knows the difference. Do not settle for less than reciprocal love and caring.

@@DNA350ppm While i generally agree, men & women dont have the same needs at the same level with each other. men NEED sex more often than women NEED sex! This is why sex is almost always a sticking point when 'negotiating' a relationship! Men were biologically made to NEED sex more! Women were biologically made to NEED security and provision MORE! So it is necessary to sometimes give more than we require in an area to benefit the other person!

Those are covert contracts.

Thanks Ahmet, I totally agree.

💯%correct. I prefer to call them, High Value People!

keep on dreaming

Puke... omg so much BETA....... Puke

@Ahmet Kaan - How do you surround yourself with the right people when you suffer from Major Depression? People do not want to be around people who are depressed ......

Yes, at some stage there is a point of no return.

the animals will love and always be there for you

I love humans. Lost my girlfriend of 22 years recently and am looking for a new partner in crime. Animals can never give you the same as a human.

Sorry

Hope you're doing ok

"Not mattering" is a symptom of a root cause, not the cause itself. Did you ever discover the root cause of why you didn't matter? Or was it in fact mutual?

@@crforfreedom7407 i had served out my usefulness in helping raise 2 step boys for 15 years.

@@id10t98 I really feel for you hope you meet that special person who puts you first in their life you deserve it 🙏

🧡

Do you watch porn bc that’s a deal breaker for me- too many men want to sit here and praise a woman and make them feel safe and beautiful then use porn instead of connecting with their partner… I hate porn. I hate how my man would choose utilizing it to cum over me- then pretending like he’s attracted to me???

Men are full of empathy; women are seldom empathetic to men.

​@@GreatnessClips Can you do something about the misogynist's comment just below yours please ?

💜

You're welcome, please keep tuning in for more great content to come 🙌

Guys , best to stay single and have to deal with relationship bs

@@cinnaco No shit! I enjoy philandering around fuck relationships!

How are you doin;)

@@cinnaco then stay single lol

@@cinnaco Men that are married live for longer.

So true!

Very true.... instead of investing and growing the relationship that he is in...

IMHO, unkindness is the real killer.

🧡

It’s all about the game and it starts when you wake up in a relationship. You build the intensity throughout the day. If both are on the same page, the cat and mouse game can be torture and the spontaneous combustion bordering on criminal 😂

Then we need to stop calling 'the game' a game, and call it manipulation! Every interaction with any person is a game! It is by its very definition, and there is no escaping it without being insulated from people in general. So games can be Positive or Negative, but every focuses on the Negative and then associates games with Negativity. This is an incomplete view!

Thank you for being here!