Jordan Peterson - How to deal with your Child's Temper Tantrums 

Trial by ordeal, keel-hauling, strapado, et cetera, et cetera.

One of the things about disciplining is that if the parents don't abide by the rules they imposed on the child then the kid will grow even more confused. Often children are a reflection of their parents. If the parent makes a rule of no yelling towards the kid but they themselves yell, the child is learning that yelling is ok and not ok at the same time, a contradiction... that contradiction develops in the child and once they get big enough they self can self-actualize that exception. But if you create a universal rule that yelling is not ok for anyone in the family, and the child is allowed to point this out when mommy and daddy fight, that it's not ok to yell, they will adapt that positive trait into their lives as they grow.

My cousin lives with with me at my parents house and she constantly yells at her child. She wanted full custody of him but didn't get so she gets him every other day and doesn't really take care of him. She's usually just laying down with her fucking phone in her face and making the kid sit on the couch or go to sleep as to not bother her. He falls down and cries and she yells, he throws a tantrum and she yells. And it's also what she yells that bothers me she yells "stop crying or I am going to kick your ass". He's barely turned two and I know she's already done damage to him psychologically, since he hugs me tightly while looking at her as if he's afraid of her. She acts like she cares about him when calling her ex-husband yelling at him over the phone in front of her kid " I don't want no other bitch hanging around my son, he's my son". God I am just so fucking pissed at how she can't see the damage she's doing.

John Korn if I were you I'd confront her. if she doesn't do anything, tell child services

She treating the kid as a possession rather than a child. I don't know the women but she may be lieing to herself. Try showing her how to deal with the child without confronting her and if that doesn't worj tell her straight. Child services should be a last resort.

I’m having a really hard time with one of my kids right now and for some reason this short message gave me some hope. Thank you for sharing.

@@ckoritko Hope it's getting better by now.

so did you allow them to beat you without disciplining back? a 3 year old??

@@mariagee1233 They got disciplined A back side swat was needed, time outs, when they do not listen or they are in harms way, they got corrected. Later on I disciplined differently. They never had TV’s in their rooms and it was before kids owned cell phones, so I didn’t have to contend with that nonsense

Interesting.

pacnite he’s NOT a good teacher.

inpugnaveritaas ...perhaps the fault lies with the student, eh?

@@Tom-fh3zg No he really isn't a good teacher. He just wings it and shouts to make you believe he just said something that is absolute fact. I adore my children and so should every parent. He just tells people they are not nice and they won't like there children, no one does? He doesn't seem very well balanced and rational to me.

Ever seen his daughter on the joe rogan show? Girls got issues! I wonder why?

pacnite peterson lacks critical thought. he simply regurgitates what he's been told

Criss Gerwing he's actually a pacer. But yeah he's making it look like he's doing it for the class.

If it works for sprinklers on a front lawn...

Teach your kids showing emotion is OKAY, Ashlie. Don’t ignore their feelings, psycho:

@@kaylaa2466 Showing emotion is ok. However, when they are screaming and you giveth what they want, they are learning that throwing a fit works. That is psycho. You teach them early what works. A kid can say, " I am sad" or I am upset....but kids who are allowed to throw tantrums turn into adults who throw tantrums. It is a parents job to teach them how to handle big emotions.

mhehehehe dude

He be spilling the psychological tea ☕🐸

He is a spiritual frog, A tribe in Canada adopted him, It's on one of his videos 😂😍😂

Omg 💀 so true

That is super true. I won't forget this. Thank you.

Dude this guy is a father figure for millions of guys and a few gals, I know several of my other 18 year old friend who have had their life look changed permanently and that resulted in actual success in life

@@alecbollinger7748 im really happy that jordan is effecting boys because they need it with all this femaleness around. Also suicide rates for them are growing very rapidly. Hes also a substitute for a father figure for me too. Hes absolutley brilliant.

Dude. Not healthy.

amanijan yeah honestly i might compile peterson videos when i want to have kids to learn how to parent

Sad.

I feel sorry for anyone who actually utilized peterson as a therapist.

Cathy Jefferson what’s your alternative?

@@jain3484 a raccoon would probably suffice

Cathy Jefferson how hilarious. Agree to disagree. Out of curiosity, what exactly do you oppose of what he’s saying?

Cathy Jefferson I have a feeling the clients he’s helped over the years would disagree with you lol. As well as all the people who’ve listened to his lectures and gotten their lives together as a result. But thank goodness you’re here in the comment section to criticize and save people from improving their lives.

techguy651 I love this, it’s so true. I’m happy I love to be around my boys a lot. They’re only 11 and 8 right now tho so I’m aware that this may change some day. I feel for those parents out there of people/children who make shocking decisions, it’d be so hard to accept

we need to stop telling women they won't be ever fulfilled without motherhood then it's guaranteed a lot of them will realise they wouldn't ever become mothers in the first place /:

Very hard... the lack of logical thinking is the worst thing about kids...

One of my friends used to tell me regularly "I love my children unconditionally. But a lot of the time, I don't like them."

@@bobkaiser8782 🤣

Thanks for the tip. "How to Talk So Kids Listen and Listen So Kids Talk" has helped me a lot. I'll look into "Happiest Toddler on the Block".

So true about validating feelings without giving in working on all ages.

@@powers6253 my child's dentist who has a great demeanor with children also recommended How to Listen so Kids Will Talk...

Yeah too many parents opt to be friends first and parents second.

I am not afraid, I was born to do this Truth. Go have a look at the comments on some other JP videos about breaking away from family for numerous examples of this manifesting itself.

I am not afraid, I was born to do this. It should be “In loving you more than myself, I will no doubt be loved less”

@@eddygci8, i like your line, it's more fleshed out.

GTTalera fleshed out?

Hahaha that is a great story, mate.

Lol, I've thought about getting a spray bottle and spray my 6 year old when he throws a fit lmao

Mine came with a stick...and I have the best manners today.

My brother did that. We would splash water or blow in his face. Then we just started stepping over him and ignoring him and he stopped. Peterson is right, it really is commitment

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yea same he helped me.

It's all about educating ourselves so that we don't do to ours what ours did to us...

same happens here :)

Same here. Plus hes not what so many lazy people accuse him.of being.

Yuntha_21 I think I’ve learned more watching his videos than my four years in high school combined

Me too. She laughs in my face

@Rimadim dim , boss comment

No you haven't. You've got a child and an under-equipped skillset.

Try being a toddler!

Know yourself and you will be grateful for the chance to parent/Love.

Truer words were never spoken...

Boo fuckin hoo

@@AceRimmer_ I've never heard of a parent who wasn't a toddler first, you know... puberty and all.

bluecapone best thing Canada ever gave the world

Canada... you finally repaid the world for Bryan Adams ...jk!

I Agree. But for the love of god they need to apologise for bieber. I will never forgive that.

Learned Helplessness.... it's a huge problem and extremely difficult to teach a child who's mastered being Helpless. And you said "Modern day parents are very strange", I would not consider any of these people as parents.

Too many parents are glued to their phones instead of giving their children attention.

Modern parenting is hard, especially when you are already prejudged based on what era it is. My wife and I are shift workers to afford modern life and giving our children structure and consistency is often very hard.

@drencoss "Majority of parents are single mothers?" Exaggerate much? Single parents raising children is a problem in this country, but they are in no way the majority.

@drencoss Show me the data then...

I taught my eldest soen self discipline very young. However, as a parent, the best example is how you behave yourself. oung children must see the benefits and rewards of behaving well and being self disciplined in tough situations.

That's fucking deep, bro.

Experiencing the consequences of the latter as an adult unfortunately

Define "fear."

There are only 2 kinds?

Yes. This guy does not talk about the reasons for the anger. He is just so smartly superficial that the whole world is buying his bull#@it

Agreed. Young children are developmentally incapable of regulating their big emotions. You can certainly shame them into learning not to express their emotions through punishment and isolation, and it’s certainly very effective, but that’s a recipe for a lot of difficulties that can follow some children into adulthood. It’s a myth that allowing a tantrum means giving in to whatever the child wants. You can hold a firm boundary around whatever it is you’re denying the child AND send the message that it’s okay for them to feel what they feel about it, all while trusting that when their brains have developed more, they will have a much better ability to regulate their emotions. We’re not teaching them to stuff their emotions down using shame. By doing what I suggested, most people will actually find their children calm down much faster.

My daughter also. Your comment makes my heart sing

Nevergreen peterosophy

and they would end up being smarter because of it kids under 4 have an incredible capacity for learning!

if you are a midget, you can be raise by peterson

A lot of children of professional psychologists end up being extremely dysfunctional. Peterson references Freud as if he had it all figured out but man were his kids messed up.

Yup. Pretty concerning that Peterson put his 12 year old daughter on anti-depressants. Wish he would say more about that.

Gori11aMath wait how do you know that?

I haven't heard him say he put her on anti-depressants, but he has mentioned that as a child she had some grave, long-term and very painful physical problems (some kind of bone disorder, I think) so anti-depressants would make a lot of sense in a situation like that. Look up "Antidepressants: Another weapon against chronic pain" on the Mayo Clinic website. Gori11aMath is assuming without evidence that the reason she took antidepressants was that she was psychologically messed up. Maybe so, but it could easily have been as an adjunct to pain management.

It’s sweet that you’re seeking out info to understand him better. I have a three year old too, it’s a lot of work

100%

200%

Donna Lands that line is from a children’s book!

Nearly every preschool teacher says that every day.😊

@@Jen.E And it is very darling.

Kids...

TheChamp1971 it begs the question whether there is an association of poor parenting with the emergence of Millennial kids who are more emotional and more likely to gravitate towards Post Modern ideology . I believe lack of good discipline at an early age in a growing environment of single parent homes who does not have a whole lot of time/patience/energy to correctly discipline his/her kid and thus either cave to their demands or simply distract them/reward them when behaving badly leads to weak minded kids, full of rage who are also impatient, who do not respect authority and think they can still get their ways with anger or violence/tantrum even as an adult.

Age-old knowledge - spare the rod, spoil the child. Although, some parents who make time for their children, do not spank and use their reasoning, or wiles if need be, not that a good old spanking would be solely for the uneducated masses.

Consider how many parents are putting their children into daycares rather than spending time with them. Once they hit the age to go to public schools, the parents will have even less interaction usually only having enough time after work to pick them up, make dinner, and then put them to bed. Most parents have abandoned parenting in the hopes that the Government will 'educate' their kids for them. Well we can see where this leads in the long run.

@lucius avenus , spanking is known to have extreme adverse effects on children, and no positive effects. It may stop behaviour in the short term, at the cost of long term damage to their psychological well being, spanking does not teach what you think it does.

richard bagnall Not in my case, spankings did a lot to correct my behavior and attitude.

I know a parent who has never been embarrassed of his 8 year old no matter how rude or horrible he acts to him or others blows my mind

He must have watched SuperNanny

Oh my gosh, mine did the same thing. I called it the Wildabeast too!

Yes, to be accepted, a human must suppress ther anger, dogs musy suppress their desire to bite and attack. Absolutely, this is a fundamental life skill which is necessary for survival, Peterson is right. Gabor mate deceives for money. If mum does not teach the child the important skill of " you have a right t feel angry but not to act dusgusting", the child becomes loathable by everyone except the mother.

You’re so right. 2 year olds shouldn’t learn to suppress their emotions as soon as possible just in order to be civil, but instead to process them effectively (and efficiently) with a goal of developing the ability to easily understand and allow the emotion to pass. As an adult who has done extensive work on managing my emotions, un-learning and re-learning is so much harder than learning. Repressed emotions can and will eat at you from the inside out. Jordan definitely does appear to have a lot of repressed emotions, and I think it’s because he tries so hard to be as logical as possible. Logic is not wisdom

@@Suddenmindfulness Nonsense. A 2 y old will not "process the emotion", the 2 y old will simply learn " scream, loudly and you will be comforted". Letting your child tantruming is abuse. By age 3, by the time a child encounters company of strangers adults ( time of nursery and doctors) , the child MUST already know that a tantrum is NOT a way to express emptions. You don't have kids. Sit quietly and listen to clever people who do.

@@svetavinogradova4243 Actually, I’m a mother to a two year old. Obviously no they can’t be rational at 2, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you have to set them up to LEARN, eventually. The foundation you set with teaching them how to process is important. Sometimes a timeout on the steps is what’s needed, but that by no means can be the end all be all. You have to acknowledge how they feel with compassion so they can acknowledge it for themselves, which helps them understand that it’s normal to have big emotions. All toddlers process their emotions eventually or tantrums would be their permanent state. You have to give them better coping strategies, like “big breathing” and sit with them through it sometimes. Not just shun them every time. A lot of times there is a *reason* for the tantrum and therefore helping them see the root is teaching them emotional intelligence.

@@Suddenmindfulness A mother of a two year old has a name acid? What an acid parent! They do not have to be rational, they must be TRAINED to do certain actions and not do certain actions. No EVENTUALLY will happen. As misbehaviour, aggression and chaotic activities is a natural behaviour for any mammal youngster, it won't disappear by itself, but must be trained out by fear and consequances. I have already raised my kids to be wonderful successful people, you need to not preach to me, but listen to my wise advice with your mouth open, girl! At 2 a toddler should not be thinking of emotionas, and cannot! He just feels them. He needs to be trained not to ACT on some emotions. That's all. Unless you start parenting your kid propely, he WILL STAY in a permanent state of tantruming, this is nowadays called ADHD, ASD, ODD and takes about 20% of population (there is a lot of bad parents around!). I said to you that Jordan Peterson is right. Do what I said, follow his advice and stp abusing your kid by misforming him from a proper human into an ....

faints. a "feint" is movement in fencing.

Please don’t use the Lord’s name in vain

There is only a way to deal with such people. Leave them to live alone!!! They're incapable of living with others... Self control is important to live a healthy social life - his education failed to teach him how to interact 🤷‍♀️ you can't repair the damage, he is an adult and he has to work on himself...

So true! I totally agree with you 🙂 Very challenging indeed! Self care is so important & yet where is the time? I pray for all parents & children. It is a blessing & challenging at the same time- what a paradox 👼😯 Enjoying the moment & surviving the trials will make us better parents & people 🦸‍♀️

SoOoooo true. 4 was by far the worse

Amen.

Fritula 6 ‘discipline is the temporary withholding of love’ is one of the best definitions l heard. Good discipliners give the love back after it’s finished.

Same here but she didn’t spend the money most times.

You’re not alone man.

Spanking workedfor me as a child . But I don't think I would do it to my kid.

I had a slightly different approach, but it amounts to the same thing. When a baby/toddler, as soon as my son started to lose his temper, I would take out the camera (this was at a time when they were separate devices with a reel of film). He quickly learned that the camera meant a permanent picture, was really shocked by his angry face in the photo, and he learned to instantly diffuse a bad mood and put on a big smile as soon as he saw me or his dad reaching for the camera. Amazing how quickly he forgot what he was angry about in the first place. He's grown up to have a pleasant personality, lots of friends of all ages, and would rather think things through than lose his temper.

Debbie Henri yep. It's about letting them decide that what they're doing is looking ugly.Sounds like having them take a picture made them remember to stop and look pleasant. Good one.When I see parents with kids acting that it irritates me so much. Especially if they ignore them. I could never allow my child to annoy everyone in public.

Id enjoy that!

Not saying that sugar is healthy, but the sugar->hyperactivity causation is pretty much debunked at this point.

Sugar is poison

You just need to observe and use your imagination or life experience to understand his wisdom 👌

You do thevright thing, yes.