Kari's Story of Abuse in Marriage 

Thanks for your kind words

Hello g

Thank you sister Krystle.

When you do get out ex and courts will have everything because most likely they took advantage of your frail ptsd from relationship and no one will be able to help or understand what you went thru.

Lucky You!

I have been married for 34 years. Still married. Are you happy now?

@@annashirley3916 yes, I’m happy and life is finally peaceful.

@@annashirley3916 her last sentence was free at last. That sounds better than being trapped.

I understand the sentiment but "love" for ourselves tends to ebb and flow with our emotions. Better yet, choose to let Jesus love you through the Spirit and the Church.

@@mchristr Yes!! Amen!

Thanks for opening your heart to Focus on the Family. We appreciate the time you took to share with us about your situation, and we can certainly understand the feelings you expressed. We want you to know that we will be praying for you. As we read your message, we sensed your frustration and wish it wasn’t so difficult to provide help via Facebook. Unfortunately, the kind of problem you shared is too complex to resolve in this way. We have counselors here at Focus who are available to talk with you by phone to offer encouragement and assistance. If this would be helpful, we invite you to call us at your convenience. All of our counselors are licensed therapists and understanding people. Any one of them would be of assistance from a Christian and psychological perspective. Simply call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will take your number and make arrangements for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they’re able. There is no charge for this service; please accept it as a demonstration of our concern for you. Thanks again for sharing friend. God be with you.

Proverbs 1:33 But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil. Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Hello Simply Kiva, may you be helped and comforted by these verses in the Holy Bible.

@@focusonthefamily after watching this , I didn't know there was others than just me. This what she explained is exactly what has happened to me.

Simply Kiva it’s great that you are set free. Forgetting what is past and going forward with the Lord. All blessings and favor in Jesus name

Its very traumatic. Be kind to yourself. Take one day at a time as Jesus said to do as each day is hard enough. Have trauma therapy if you can and work through your fears with Jesus. Gods perfect love with cast out your fears. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”✝️🙏🏻🌼

Amen amen amen...this is my story living and married to a covert narcissist...and everyone wants to blame it on Oh maybe its the drinking, maybe its that he's not eating well, maybe its the issues of financial stress...etc. etc.....NO, NARCISSISM IS ROOTED WITH JEZEBEL/LEVIATHAN/BEELZEBUB SPIRITS AND ITS NOT OK TO TOLERATE...ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE...VERBAL EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL, even to the point i wish i could have bruises to show people the TRUTH, BC the person you think they are they are NOT!!!

@@kimberlygreidanus5639 You are believed. You were wronged.

NO BRUISES FOR ANY OF US, PLEASE.

Yes , and often unseen

Amen

i don't get it.

@@renatalove5212 . The key of a safe place to go, till the person know what comes next. What is the next step to do.

My neighbors dgaf about me

@@RedeemedbyYAHUSHA : same here...I am here if you need to talk.

Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. ❤

Did he ever show signs of changing?

THIS GOES BOTH WAYS MEN ARE ABUSED ALSO

@@williamballew8660 go away

We won’t have victory or Peace until the End. ☄️

So true Jon Smith me too dying on the inside I feel stuck and so much pain and shame...

I left two years ago and took him back 3 times since every time things went back to normal pretty quickly the last time I took him back was 7 months ago and it was only because he made this grand gesture publicly apologized to me in front of all my close family and he proposed brought Mariachi he sang to me and so I was like WOW it happened he chnaged he loves me . Now I’m pregnant with our third child and he’s found 100 reasons to discard me hate me blame me for all his “our” problems . They say some chnage but it’s extremely rare . I won’t go back again.

My guess would be that the reason that you stayed and went back is because you have issues within yourself probably trauma from childhood that influence your decision making and your self-worth. The problem with staying in an abusive marriage or an unhealthy marriage or a toxic marriage is you’re the one that ends up getting beaten down to a pulp but what people don’t seem to realize is the children get damaged permanently. The children will make the same bad decisions that you’re making, because that’s the example that’s been set for them they’ll become like the abuser some of them because that’s the example that was set for them. The girls will think they should be abused because that’s the example that was set from them. You need to get the heck out of there if you have children or you will be permanently, exposing them to very bad examples that they will incorporate in their own relationships. Do you want to see your child in the same situation that you are in do you want them to end up being divorced and single parents one day because of it those are the things that people need to think about but they don’t seem to think about from what I have observed. There’s always hope for new beginnings the longer you stay the harder the abuse is to shake and everybody that lives with it needs to be in therapy for a long time including the children.

Did you end up leaving again? I didn't want my son's to grow up and abuse their wives based on their childhoods, that's partially what helped me stay away from my ex

I hope you got away. You deserve to feel free.

I did find refuge in Jesus also. I separated after 15 years of abuse. I now have peace and joy. Best to you❤

Boundaries are key

If there’s physical and emotional abuse, please stay AWAY from him.

You got this! Get out while you can. I did! Her story is mine. Choose life!

The Little Shaman (RU-vid podcast), and people like her, help me a lot to understand what Narcissism is and mostly myself.

Her story is basically the same as mine as well. I got out 5 years ago now. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but by far the best decision I’ve ever made. It really is the only decision if you want to truly live. Make a plan, have people that support you, GET OUT.

😢

This is how I used to to feel. Sometimes I still feel this way because I feel like I need to be smacked still so I can have a definite reason to feel comfortable leaving someone that has hurt me. It hurts.

Not really. At that point victims are so bullied & brainwashed they often stay.

I felt the same way too. I did finally break free from him. I finally realized that being alone for the rest of my life would be better than being with him. I wish they would have talked about emotional abuse in my divorce class which was mandated by the state. All they talked about was how most divorced people go back and remarry their exes. I do wish that one of the 5 couples counselors we saw would have said that what my ex was doing was abuse. Especially the one that my ex had a screaming and yelling episode during one of our sessions. I just said that this kind of thing happened all the time and I was used to it. All the therapist said was that I just needed to accept my ex for how he is.

I’m glad you got out! Can I ask what overpowered your Stockholm syndrome and made you leave him?

I can recommend you to a man who restore my marriage back within two days.

Contact him On WhatsApp

+ 2 3 4 8 1 1 8 6 5 4 5 2 5

@@scrub3359 Honestly it was Jesus! I could not have made it out if it was not for the love of Christ. He gave me the strength. 🙌

Amen 🙏 Praise The Lord

Christine, we are so sorry. Praying that God's faithfulness has been carrying you through this season. If we can come alongside you in any way, please don't hesitate to let us know.

We all deserve to be cherished

Same here. I understand. ❤

Yes Gisel~ exactly! She speaks of cognitive dissonance, gaslighting and dismantling of her self-esteem. Not her fault as they love the drama, chaos and CONFUSION they incite.

Correct. Don't look back!

It is very possible that their parents abused them.

Not always abuse...sometimes overindulged and are a Golden Child who can do no wrong.

@@Non-religiou no. One parent abused the other.

@Bianney Sanchez It’s not quite so simple as just choosing not to be. It’s part of them. They also have the same people in their lives that convince them otherwise and they tend to have similar people from similar backgrounds in their social circles. They will have moment of shame and wanting to change and even improving. But then their temptations of wanting to be with the ones that pull them down and their bad influence families....pull them back in and it effects their behaviors.

At the risk of being offensive, I find your statement potentially very damaging for a couple of reasons. First, it gives the abused a false hope for staying, thinking that the abuser was abused as a child and therefore just needs more love and he (or she) will change. Second, I have yet to meet an abuser who was not an EXCELLENT "psychologist." He (or she) can read people better than a trained psychologist and know exactly the kind of person he is looking for and how to get in her (or his) head. The abuser has carefully selected his victim. The one really true statement in your post is that counseling is ineffective on the abuser.

Sharlette J, you're young, so your advice and experience does not mean as much to most as you are trying to convey. you have not been there and done that. it's all in your sentences, not enough wisdom there.

So so true Sharlette ❤ And trusting in Jesus no matter what..

@@owlperchedsilo3745 ...who are you to minimize this woman's testimony? Please tell us at exactly what age is there enough wisdom and experience? It is her right to share her experiences and what it has taught her. She is blessed to have had the strength to get out while still a young woman. It's horrible read about women stuck for 20, 30 or more years.

I need certain vitamins and supplements to keep from getting sick and I have no money or job to sustain myself. I’m 43 just had Gullion Bar and almost lost my life, was losing usage of my legs, my vision etc. nobody cares, women all say “they are supporting me” and doing nothing except avoiding me.

@@owlperchedsilo3745 you sound like a Pharisee

This was an amazing description as well. I've never been in a marriage abusive relationship.......so I know what to avoid. Why do people abuse their closest ones?

Same here

We appreciate you sharing so openly. We'd like to invite you to call one of our staff counselors for assistance, at no charge. You can reach us at 1-800-232-6459 to set up a time to speak to them. Meanwhile, we'll be praying for you. May His unconditional love bring you peace and understanding.

It's like these groomers read the same playbook. Unfortunately, this is so classic of abusive relationships. But when you are entangled/immersed in it day in and day out the confusion is REAL! Those who have children are far more concerned because he will have visitation and she can't be there to protect her babies 😥 The Church needs better insight. with a better understanding on how to handle these sensitive situations. Just like she said counseling made it worse AND that is how the church handles abuse ...as a marriage problem. It is not!

@@Thankful305 yes, agree with all of that ! Abuse is a crime whether it’s in a marriage or anywhere else. We have to stop equating it with “marriage difficulties”.

Run get some running shoes and run very far. If you have children ,put them on your side. I had to tell my abusive husband to leave. I started by putting his clothes into his truck. After wards I protected my self with self defense tools. 20yrs of abuse, free for 17yrs now.

@A. Banana go very quickly and quietly I made mistake by telling him thinking we’re not helping one another so what you love you let go I was woken up to fighting for my life he beat me up fractured sternum caused cyst lump, blackened eye face and strangled me . Hospital, DV shelter restraining orders, stalking, divorce, still stalking. I’m okay now still working on myself. Hope this helps, they enjoy what they’re doing they move on to next victim... heal and love you self.

Don’t _try._ Do! _Untangle._

leave please!!

Save yourself time & pain, JUST LEAVE

@F M yes and that’s intentional because abuse is evil.

Thank-full~ YES, YES AND YES!!

Yes. Just experienced this. Get professional counseling from a Christian, licensed Psychologist. Don’t let the Pastor tell you what you need to do. Let the counselor determine the plan of action based on hearing from both sides. I will not be returning to that church.

Excellent book

Some of these abusers are actually not as tough as they project themselves. They abuse or bully the ones they think are weak. They like to overpower and manipulate innocent people. If you stand up to them they actually back off, i’m not saying all of them but some does because abusers comes in different personality disorders.

@@NLong-zk4yl Yup. Stay strong and call them out. Turn the tables on them.

I'm praying for you too April and for Jesus's divine protection.. And please get help from a trusted source...don't try to do this alone. 💚

April I hope you are safe now🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Have you considered reporting it to law enforcement? Married or not,what you described is stalking.

Are you okay?

Wow ... such a perfect way to state it ... "always so charming and attentive, until they're not" (never showing themselves upfront).

You need to rely on the Holy Spirit & know your boundaries. Know what is sin & if that person is doing it or is trying to get you to do it, as nice or "loving" or convincing as they may try to come across, trying to get you to sin is the MOST unloving thing anyone can do as it hurts your relationship with Jesus. Do they truly display the fruit of the Spirit in their lives? Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you & show you if there's anything hidden.

same... I grew up with a narc mom also and have had 2 horrible marriages... I'm finally understanding it all....

Or any better.😢

We're so sorry about the trauma you've been through, dear friend. If you ever need to talk, please call us at 800-A-FAMILY (800-232-6459) to arrange a free phone call with one of our counselors. May God bless you and fill your heart with His peace.

You are infinitely valuable bcuz of Jesus. Do you think He wants you to.stay in this abusive relationship? Plz pray for revelation if your husband is like the unbelieving husband who left ( left you emotionally, beat you up mentally, and idk if physically, and having an affair w/ alcohol.)

Thanks for your kind comments! We don't have an office in Nigeria, but we do have an outreach that serves the African continent: www.safamily.co.za/. Blessings!

Dear friend, we are so sorry about the pain you're enduring. We care about you, and no matter how hurt and lonely you may be feeling right now, we hope you will see how precious you are to God. He loves you deeply and intimately, and He is there to carry you through this difficult time. If you continue to have thoughts of self-harm, we strongly encourage you to reach out to someone nearby, such as a pastor, a doctor, or another caring professional. If you are in the US, you may also call our ministry at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459) and ask to speak with one of our counselors. Or you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Thank you for sharing. May God give you strength and hope.

I am going through the same thing but without children. How are you doing now?

Thanks for contacting Focus on the Family. We appreciate the time you took to share with us about your situation, and we can certainly understand the feelings you expressed. As we read your message, we sensed your frustration and wish it wasn’t so difficult to provide help via Facebook. Unfortunately, the kind of problem you shared is too complex to resolve in this way. We have counselors here at Focus who are available to talk with you by phone to offer encouragement and assistance. If this would be helpful, we invite you to call us at your convenience. All of our counselors are licensed therapists and understanding people. Any one of them would be of assistance from a Christian and psychological perspective. Simply call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will take your number and make arrangements for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they’re able. There is no charge for this service; please accept it as a demonstration of our concern for you. Thanks again for sharing friend. God be with you.

I would say there is definitely more than that. Talk to a trustful, objective 3rd party. Both people. There's more to that question

MURINGI MWANGI please elaborate, what would be “the more to that question” in your opinion?

Could it be possible that some women can torment their men mentally/emotionally ??

Both men and women can abuse one another in many different ways, unfortunately. Perspectives are different. What you may see as leadership, someone else may construe it as complacency. Yet another would see it as being a bully. That said if you are a believer in Christ, His word, Matthew 18: 15-17 in my opinion, offers how to deal with a sin/conflict. And numerous times in Proverbs it is written to seek wise counsel, being careful not to be wise in your own eyes. I can't tell you what deeper issues there without hearing both parties out. I can only speculate that trust is an issue. I hope the ones involved will be able to find good, Godly counsel to walk with them to

Thanks for your comment, Charla. When a couple expresses interest in our Hope Restored intensives, we do our best to help them discern whether the time and circumstances are right for them to benefit from an intensive. If you or a loved one has further questions, please give our Hope Restored team a call at 1-866-875-2915. They'd love to speak with you. God bless you!

Look up Leslie Vernick, make a safey plan

I believe it is only worth something if he is truly making efforts to change and consistently making improvements. And he must be willing to be transparent and have accountability from other godly men. Also consistently be going going to counseling/ therapy. Satan loves to keep people in isolation.

💛I'm 41 in the same boat.

It wasn't her upbringing that handicapped her. A narcissistic abuser will break anyone down. The abuse and control are very subtle and insidious. It takes a long time for a person to realize what's going on and by then they are so shattered and desperate.