Kids with ADHD & "masking" [Helping kids with ADHD improve social skills] 

I support you Ryan! Kids, my son included, just want to fit in and not be excluded from any social group. You are NOT teaching to mask, you're teaching them how to navigate society and human interactions.

As an adult female with ADHD, masking to me as a kid was more like acting like I didn’t care what kind of grades I got cause school was “lame” rather than acknowledging that it was really hard for me & I needed help or pretending that I’m fine when on the inside I am totally overwhelmed.

As a woman in my 50s with autism, I think there is some middle ground. On one hand, society should become more tolerant of nuerodivergents. If I have a good idea at work that helps the company make more profit, but I've failed to present the idea with niceties and pleasantries, is it no longer a good idea? We are expected to be more tolerant of religions, classes, etc. But everything you've said is true and important. Neither of my children are interested in leaning in to their differences when it comes to socializing. Both are sad and frustrated when their lack of executive functioning skills prevent them from accomplishing their goals. Having lived 50 years without intervention myself, I look back at the opportunities missed both socially and in career goal attainment and am just saddened that no help was available to me. To expect all of society to change for a small percentage of the population is ludicrous. Nuerodivergent warriors need to understand that neurotypicals have certain expectations of behavior and information presentation because of their own needs. Expecting entire populations to discard their own needs for the needs of others just isn't realistic.

independence builds self esteem, I have ADHD and have known all my life. My mom used to tie my shoes for me even as a 12 year old I felt so ashamed, when I learned how to do it for myself it really made a difference.

Sigh, sorry your energy had to be spent this way. Your videos are great and have helped our family immensely. Keep doing what you're doing!

Oh golly Ryan. From a family full of ADHD people I can say that your approach is one of very few that gives us comfort in our ability to lead happy lives with a sense of purpose that comes from contributing in a positive way to this world. Keep doing what you're doing... You are changing people's lives for the better and the only thing you're enabling is happy families.

I am glad you addressed this. Should people be more understanding and gracious in general, yes. However, functioning in society is a great goal that we should all work toward and I am thankful for your willingness to help my family.

Ryan, you are one of the only resources we can turn to, raising our ADHD and defiant son. There are next to no resources for us to turn to, and the ones offered are outdated, single minded, clip charts, therapy and aba centered. Keep doing what you're doing. Its incredibly important!

Thank you so much for speaking up about this! We need more people like you in this world. What you talk about here is so sad, and it’s spreading widely along with extreme ideas of individualism and the “be who you are”-idea of the personal development world out there. Narcissistic gurus speaking loudly about how authenticity is the only way and authenticity equals brutal honesty and always thinking of yourself and your needs, wants and lusts first, and if not you are not authentic, and you are “masking”. And any sort of kindness and/or compassion and empathy is labelled with the negative term “people pleasing”. It’s so sad and so toxic to any kind of relational and systemic thinking. We need many more people like you who will speak up about what’s really important in life: being able to relate to others and avoid being rejected by the tribe.

I liked you before, now I love you! Thank you for speaking truth.

As someone who has had adhd and an anxiety disorder my entire life, we have to teach kids about self control, self regulation, and coping strategies, neurodiverse or not. Just as with a person with anger issues, we would work with them to modify their behavior and self regulate so they can maintain healthy social connections, we do the same for kids that are neurodivergent. We wouldn't say that everyone around the person with anger issues should tiptoe around them because those are their natural instincts. Independence and social connection is paramount for most people to positive about their lives, so executive function tools and social skills are so important! If we can improve students' or kids' lives, why would we not?

Yep, got attacked in a business coaching group for saying the world doesn’t conform to people with ADHD so we need to improve our skills. I was in a business coaching group specifically for entrepreneurs with ADHD, and a year of that paying four times what I paid for ADHD Dude Membership, and your membership site even though it’s for parenting is far more effective. You encourage learning the skills we need, not focusing on and accommodating our challenges. I’ve done a lot of mindset work and see parallels to visualizing the end result, time management and seeing “limiting beliefs” as actually my brain is being inflexible and I can fix that. I feel so empowered and excited about moving life forward with your program. I’m working on ways to help my daughter, too, of course. In terms of “inner child” meditations and “reparenting” myself, I actually have my Brain Coach telling me the parent parts of your advice when my brain gets stuck now. Like “Hey! Is this RU-vid comment cutting into your free time? Do you think Ryan has all day to read this??” Welp, I gotta go lol.

Yes! I agree with this so much! I see this on TikTok all the time! I was called an ableist on another platform because I ( who worked at an ICF/DD facility as the case manager) was trying to give some helpful advice to another parent whose child really needed a lot of support. I was ableist because that child was fine how he was and shouldn’t have to change. This was another parent who identified as an Autistic adult, not the parent of the child. Also, I was “gaslighting” when I tried to further explain how helping someone become independent by teaching them ADLS was helpful. Anyway, I appreciate your work and I have been watching your webinars on your webpage to get insight for my own child who has ADHD.

Nerotypicals have to mask as well…I’m not damaging myself by not spouting my political opinions that may ruin a friendship. If I’m completely bored with a conversation about sports with a co-worker I can learn how to act interested to keep a good relationship. I can talk about tv shows that I have absolutely have no interest in, but are the subject of conversation. I can keep emotions of absolute boredom at bay when at a work meeting…it’s ok I’m still myself and not psychologically damaged by it.

Ryan, I was just thinking of sending you a word of appreciation as we close out 2021 and think back on the good that happened this year, to include sending our son to your summer camp and having the opportunity to learn from your videos and webinars for parents. It’s awesome to see your work become more noticed and with that will come the critics and fans - all teachable opportunities. With regard to this topic, a mentor of mine (military background) would tell me, “if you’re not receiving flak, you’re not over the target.” Happy holidays to you and your son.

The only thing missing in this video was the *mic drop* moment at the end 👏👏👏

As a nuerodivergent female myself, and mother of a boy with similar issues, I feel that NDs learning to mask is important; however, masking isn't possible 100% of the time, so it is good for both nuerotypicals and nuerodivergents to be able to know and be understanding about the "invisible " issues of others.

Awesome video! Thanks for making this and for talking about this topic.

Way to go! Great video. I'm so sorry that people write comments like that. I am grateful for your work. Just wish you were closer to work with my 16 yr old guy.

Thank for you common sense advice, it's much appreciated and needed.

Is it not just teaching skills that come naturally to everyone else? Some people are born skilled at drawing, some spend ages learning because they want to be skilled at drawing. Some kids pick up a book and just read, some need to practice hours a day and struggle, but they want to know how to read like the other kids. Kids/teens/adults want friends and careers and want to be accepted, the skills needed don’t come naturally and they are learned instead, so why should they not have the opportunity to be taught just because they weren’t born knowing what skills are needed or what to change to make that happen. Idk hope that made sense. I have adhd, as does my 4 year old and husband. Husband and I found out as an adult, and I had to teach myself skills which was/is very hard. My husband is learning skills for himself as well. Wish I was taught as a child. I just found your channel and am glad I did

preach brother, you have genuinely made me belly lol twice😂😂😂 subbed💪🏾😀👊🏾

I just found out about you and I’ve watched a couple vids and even shared some already. I’m sooooooo thankful 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼to have found you! Compassion from both sides will center and balance things out for the most part. This world lacks some serious compassion for others. It’s so excessively ego-centric. I joined a PDA (pathological demand avoidance) group last year and asked questions to try and help understand my son better but I ended up being severely gaslighted, labeled an ableist because “there’s nothing to understand - only accept”, and for the first time ever, (felt)online bullied.

So called "Nurotypical" people still have difficulty interacting with people and its challenging for them to interact with people aren't following the social norms they've been taught. Helping people interact together in any way it positive in my opinion. Helping ADHD kids is so positive in my opinion. Thanks for your video i feel like they're the first videos that might help my with my son. He hasn't been diagnosed, but he has the behavioral issues you describe and I'm so thankful to find advice! He doesn't want to be treated differently he wants friends and a happy life!

While I haven’t processed all this completely, I really appreciate this video. Thank you. ❤

Honestly i love your videos and I wish that more people thought the same way and I'm learning so much from your videos about my son and myself and how best to support him. 😊

Hi Ryan, I appreciate your work and this video too. World is going crazy at the moment and people feel entitled to be offended in so many ways. The culture is actually disempowering people with the mask of empowering them so the confusion is enormous. You are brilliant in this explanation and yeah boy, you are a big boy and you can take it! Your view is brilliant! Thanks for your dedication to your work to empowering us as parents so we can empower our children. 😊

Wow on the contrary, as a mom with a son with adhd you have helped EDUCATE more than any other RU-vid channel or short! You have helped me understand my sons behavior in ways no one else has. You given me a lot of hope that my sons differences can actually become his strengths and also to be more understand of his struggles. You have also helped me create an environment in our home that is more helpful for him and for me. So thank you!

Good information... Jammu watching 14.2.2024 ❤

Awsome response !! 🎉

Thank God I came across your channel few days ago ❤. I can’t wait to see everything I want! Thank you for this you do and just keep going on 🙏

Very well said. Thank you for your videos.

Wow, people are going to be mad but you are right on the money. It’s worth noting that it is a very small subset, usually self-diagnosed and needing no support (functioning well enough to live independently, have a job, post online).

Long-time viewer, possibly first-time commenting: THANK YOU FOR THIS! It was incredibly helpful and clarifying, as I had stumbled across one of those types of "ableist" ADHD videos and was super confused about what she was trying to do. This was excellent. (Reading the comments has been valuable too: thanks, guys!) : )

looks like this video is a year old... all I can say as a health care provider who didn't realize how much I didn't know about ADHD, about my parenting of, and advocating for my ADHD child have so benefitted from your knowledge, and boots-on the ground understanding of the challenges these children face. My care of these patients has risen to a level of understanding and care that I wish I had when I began my practice. My child is benefiting from the skills he is learning... yes we can use a cultural understanding that we are all more likely than not on a spectrum BUT if I have a limp (or whatever) I want tools to help me function at my best, and my child seems to think so too. Thank you, and sorry this is a year late!

Keep doing your thing. Your videos have been very helpful to me as a teacher.

Great video, very well said 👏👏👏!

Wow so well said. I am so happy I found your channel, because I have come across these types of channels and the advice didn’t sit well with me and how I want to raise my child. It slathers guilt on the parent for wanting to… well, parent! Thank you for all the wonderful info! Currently binge watching your channel. 😂

This is really excellent information, thank you. My older brother has aspergers (he is one of my favorite people-a wonderful man of high character). If he hadn't really been pushed by my mother, he would have a completely different life today (for the worse). I appreciate your channel very much, as we've been learning a lot about ADHD for our 11 yr old son. I also believe that both my husband and I, have quite a few ADHD traits and we've just learned to compensate throughout our lives.

👏👏👏👏

Well said 👍🙏👏

❤🎉

Thank you for this post!! For context - I have ADHD, as does my 12 year old son and my younger brother and my nephew... I've worked with kids with ADHD, and other neurodevelopmental disorders/conditions, for the past 15 years, and have been a practicing MH professional for 25+ years (MSW with varying 'active' prof licenses and specialist certifications -deadlines for licensing renewals and re-certs are my kryptonite ! 22 yrs ago I actually "lost" 2500 clinical hours - who knew hours expire?! But, i digress). This past year I've become aware of the terms/concepts, and been called: an "ableist" (masking vs functionality and opportunities to thrive in a way that is meaningful to the individual); ive been told I'm suffering from internalized ableism (i don't think it's logical that all of society will, or should, change for 'us'

God bless you so much Adhd dude. I love your videos, they are so true and i have learned so much about parenting a child the right way. Keep helping us. I see your wisdom and i hope my son will grow one day to be a big boy as you say. Real Men need to re gain their position of aithority.

Forgot why I was subbed but good vid

btw I am not needing to talk to related to this vid its to due with ADHD thanks so much

You sir, are a hero. Please never cave to the woke mob.

Thanks for the video as always. How rude and immature to call another adult names smh

Thank for this brilliant exposition and refutation of the insanity of the true narcissistic self-professed "knowledge class" trying to dictate their warped views on humanity.

They’re not taking something into account. You can have a kid that’s a great kid: compassionate, smart, good-hearted. However, they have skill gaps. How they come across is wrong and these great qualities and more are missed. That does nobody any good. Second, you aren’t owed understanding. It’s nice when it’s given, but not owed. True understanding is given because the person wants to give it. If it’s forced, it’s not authentic. It’s a big problem with wokeness. This feeling owed stuff. Then they treat you like you have the issue if you disagree or refuse to play the game. Giving someone the tools to function in society, build self esteem, and truly allow feelings of value, whatever that may look like, is better for the long run. It just seems to embrace dysfunction and help few. How are these ppl professionals?! Lastly, and this is just something I’ve wondered. Is social media the cause of the rise in narcissism in our culture, or has social media caused narcissists that were already there to come out of the woodwork, oddly taking off their mask? That may be what they attack these things as masking. It’s projection. Look up covert (or vulnerable or fragile) narcissist. They mask. I love your channel. Even though geared toward boys, the advice is helpful for me, a woman who got diagnosed as an adult.

Your last comment about calling you names me laugh but sad at the same time. I am sure you have thick skin to a degree but, gosh. Would it be safe to assume we can’t please everyone? But, would it be further safe to say, please speak the truth in love so the rest of us who are listening can continue to work toward thriving relationships with our ADHD challenges at home? Thanks for putting yourself out there. I hope you will be called names like “Godsend” more often because that is what you are!

Hii

Wokeism and cancel culture online is insane. I love my neurodiverse family. That said.... I don't always trust their perceptions or *opinion*. I know more about ADHD and development than my ADHD partner. He turns to me when he needs to understand something. That's not ableism. It's reality.

Much needed message. Neurodivergence is somewhere between a genuine concept and a political tool.

I need to talk to you I will pay I dont care I need your opinion is that possible

Keep using common sense. Don't worry about the comment!