I have been yelled at in past relationships for trying to provide solutions when "all I wanted you to do was listen". So now when I'm presented with a problem I ask "do you want me to listen and support or fix the problem?" This has served me well
Kind of sucks that you were yelled at for trying to help. I mean good on you for finding a good way to communicate whether the person you're speaking to wants you to offer support or not, but yelling at someone who's trying to help isn't fair. I'm seeing "finding solutions" as "offering advice/suggestions" for dealing with a problem. If someone yells at someone for trying to do that, it's a little rude on their part.
@@starryshark oh for sure, those WERE toxic relationships, was more of a silver lining that I at least learned something from it, even if it was indirectly.
Yep, it's basically Leadership. What do you think or expect a good leader would do? Same thing when you facing your kids, sometimes you just need to listen to them. Or pet. You should know how to differentiate when is the bonding time, and when is problem solving time. Relationship is like nurturing and taking care a plant, it's always tricky, sometimes you think you've done everything right, but the flower won't bloom or producing fruits. Sometimes you just let it alone but it able to grew beautifully and having beautiful flowers and tasty fruits. One thing for sure, it need water. Love is like water. Too much love can make the plant rot, too less water it'll dry and die. Before trying to solving some problem, always make sure you know what's the 'real' problem is.
Agreed! I recently said the same thing to a friend of mine because there's a couple of folks in our circle who always are in need of help but never available to provide help.
I have allergies sometimes and id complain to my guy about it and the dust. My guy literally made it a point of duty to take the fan apart n wash the fan regularly to keep it dust free. I've never had to ask him to wash it. I never knew he would. I thought he'd just vent with me but he attempted to fix the problem by trying to alleviate any triggers. If i complain about being cold, he goes for an extra sheet. Steve knows what he talking about.
If you a man and you didn't meet the woman in the streets this is what you supposed to do period but men be tied up in playing games they forget that they supposed to do stuff
And lots of girls try to say "I just want you to hear me, stop trying to fix all my problems!" Not realizing that a man offering solutions means he loves and respects her.
Correct but it's not just for women, people don't always come to you just cause they want you to fix the problem they're going through. Sometimes they might have feelings all bottled up and need you to quietly listen to them. It means a lot. Not every problem needs to be fixed by you, rather you should ask them 'Do you want me to listen to you or do you want me to try to fix this problem with you together?' It will serve you well.
@@Certago doesn’t make sense as they don’t want our opinion they just want to vent. I have friends like this and my sister is the same. I think complaining about stuff is stupid if you’re not going to do anything to solve the issue you’re complaining about.
@@evertonb3031 no, she's a smart woman. He would of went through with the marriage. She walked away. She made the adult choice. There's always Loser dudes like you who DON'T EVEN GET WOMEN trying to act like you're proud of some douchebag. GROW UP.
Or was it that you refused his help in the past, so he doesn’t seem it’s even important to continue the conversation if it’s a one way conversation? He wants to be hears too.
So did he become this person before or after marriage because in my experience y'all married people that y'all know don't care about you and then complain your whole f****** marriage to bleed out our ears or we don't care because you made that choice divorce him move on
Exactly not even my husband he’s a guy I’m dating he doesn’t care what’s I have to say cuz every time I try to talk he’s always high starring at my lips thinking about putting his … inside my mouth that’s all he think about is having sex
@@carlinbrumback8931agree...He 's surrounded by all these women hanging on his words, he's enjoying his position for sure. Still needs women around him, their attention and praise..he's ego will never have enough.
I love this. Tbh sometimes I get annoyed that he’s always trying to fix stuff when sometimes I just want him to listen… but I totally appreciate the advice to let him try to fix it 🥺 So glad I heard this tbh. I could’ve been standing in the way of him trying to be good to me
Make him understand! Most men I’ve lots of things going on in there life they can’t even talk about so when you’re talking they’re thinking of something else.. but that doesn’t mean they don’t love and respect you
Truth. My husband was my support. If he couldn't fix it himself he would go out of his way to find someone who could. He understood that I just needed to bring it to him. He always listened, he was always patient. I miss him. Rest In Heaven Love ❤️
So sorry for your loss, Paulette. I'll bet he's still watching over you . True love never dies. I truly feel for anyone who has gone through what you have, it takes a lot of strength. Wishing you peace and joy 🙏🤗
Don't take the same problem to a man twice. Heay listen the first time, but he wants to get it solved the best time. Constantly talking about a problem and doing nothing about it is just plain stupid.
@@Rice10120 lol I mean, you're not wrong... but those are the fools y'all go for because they're surface over substance. Females don't want quality men with intellect, they want attractive imbeciles.
I got rid of my husband who never had a solution. Everything was my fault. I lived with him 28 years and he never gave me a solution. I moved in. I'm married to a really sweet man now.
I find it hard to believe you were with a Man for 28 years and he NEVER had a Solution to anything EVER!?!🤨 Idk whose the least intelligent, you or him. Or… Ding 🛎 🛎🛎 That’s a CAP 🧢 ass Statement.
Hey ladies I got another perspective. Sometimes over time if he offers no solutions it may be he feels you don’t listen. If he feels this way in his mind, why tell you if you won’t listen or incorporate his advice in the solution you come up with. Steve always blames the man without both sides of the story. 🤷🏾♂️
I’m lucky enough to have that. Anytime I go to my guy with any problems, he always gives me a response with advice on what he thinks I should do. He makes me want to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be!!
Hey Love ❤️I’m Steven mezie , it feel inappropriate for me send you this message I am sorry for bothering you but I got to ask if you’re interested in being my sugar baby you will be receiving $7000 either through via PayPal or bank transfer, I will be waiting on your response.
Women don’t want answers. They want you to listen. “That must be hard for you. Let’s go to Cheesecake Factory and forget about Michelle taking your stapler.”
Exactly bro. Syeve gets it right about 60% of the time because women love to rant. She just wants you to actively listen and provide comfort. She will even get pissed if you provide logic to the situation
Women don't WANT that tho lmao when I learned that I started asking "do you want a solution or do you just want to vent?" That's saved me the brunt of a lot of passive aggressiveness in my life
So true! Because most times I just want you to listen, not provide a solution... but if you do...if you do provide a solution... that's a man I'm gonna keep!
Noooo dont be hasty. Speaking from experience sometimes you guys just want to rant and for us to actively listen and provide comfort. Like when you come back from work and moan about you co workers or boss. As soon as we start speaking logically in that moment you get pissed. Best to agree and comfort then another time in the future we can try to help you. Your dude has probably figured this out too
@@NoMoreNamesAvailabl1 exactly. She does need toove on though because she is not meant for that guy. He needs someone that also has at least one thought about how to fix something. I have been a people leader in multiple industries and when those that worked for me brought a problem, I asked them if they had considered a solution for themselves. I wanted to get them into a frame of thinking to be able to solve some of their own problems. When you always need to dump your problem on another person, you are the user.
@@janine3330 black women have to take some responsibility with that outcome. Single parent homes are destroying our community. Children need good quality men as fathers. We would all be better if we studied the people we date.
@@rex2g4 OK call me simple but taking on the responsibility of a child you made with someone by yourself IS taking responsibility. Why can't you see that? As far as studying the people you date, of course we naturally observe their habbits but sincerely there is never any guarantees that when a situation arises that you can gage with certainty how they will react, if they have the tenacity it takes to commit and do the work.
I’m glad I seen this video it made me think about the last couple conversations me and girl had and I really did t give a answer or solution and yea that’s a no go I see I have to do better
I don't want someone to fix my issue. I can do that myself. Sometimes I just want to vent and hear "damn, that's annoying/that sucks. What can I do to help you feel better?" Support. I don't want someone to fix it but support me through it ❤️
Agreed. I will go a little further. If you have people around you called , “friends” and they are giving you negative solutions, they are probably not friends. Great friends,1. Listen 2. Are empathetic 3. Offer solutions that elevate you 4. They follow up later to keep you accountable, lastly 5. They take your secrets to the grave. Gossip offers no solutions. It’s a I am better than her. That is not a friend.
Not all women want to be seen as problems that men solve. They want you to listen first, make them feel, display that you care. Later, if they want you to solve it for you that say so.
Yes I need a real man that's really got my back and it more in a relationship not just sex I need someone that's gonna be there for me and not put me under pressure or stress me with dumb stuff I need a partner that's gonna go the extra mile for me
Hey Love ❤️I’m Steven mezie , it feel inappropriate for me send you this message I am sorry for bothering you but I got to ask if you’re interested in being my sugar baby you will be receiving $7000 either through via PayPal or bank transfer, I will be waiting on your response.
Don't take any hasty decisions with your man over just this video. Some men are like that, also introverts. Sit down, speak with him and ask him what to do and I'm sure he won't refuse.
He is right to a point, but damn everyone got problems .Learn to make better decisions so you won't have so many problems. What ends up happening is some of you get in your own way and make yo situation my situation and we get tired of it. At that point you become a problem.
Bring Steve Harvey back to the talk show he made me want to listen to all the time. He's a great Blessings to this world. Put him back on the platform of Wisdom. I love him. He's genuine!!!
@InYourMom Oh disrespectful one, my man and I are a winning PARTNERSHIP with Jesus Christ at the head. We don’t have these modern date relationship issue. I comment seeing the difficulties of modern day dating and relationships between men and women. Good luck to and yours.🙏😊❤️
@InYourMom Being disrespectful by hurling insults at me because you dislike my comment. Don’t be in a state of denial on that. Surely you are capable of making polite, intelligent and worthy commentaries without insults. Since you can’t, let’s please terminate this conversation right here and now. Bye.
I tried this with three different men when my tires became flat and I heard crickets! Let’s say my dating pool shrunk instantly! One of my girlfriends, tire blew, the guy came with her to the tire shop and allowed her to pay then asked her what they were going to do afterwards. She responded, “I’m going home,” and dropped him!😂
When I learned what the word Pivot meant during covert…I realized that my life for the past 10 years with my husband stopped displaying a pivot. Every problem I had was a push pull for him. He literally stopped wanting to show up for my game. I finally filed for divorce and left . What a beautiful thing it is to be authentic…loving life❤❤❤
Get ready for an empty, lonely life of carrying two people's weight. Did that for six years, (he was a dismissive avoidant who wouldn't communicate about anything) and let me tell you, it actually gets worse.
Don't take Dating or Relationship advice from women.... It's usually terrible like we just saw you would be better off talking to him about the problem or going to couples therapy tbh
Thats cool but nobody wants to hear about Problems all day when they have a solution for it,they give out solution so you can deal with the problem right away because in life we’re going to deal with a lot of shit,so if you want to Vent with no solution then do it with your Girlfriends
I learned a LONG time ago never to try fix things she’s complaining about. Also never to ask what’s wrong if she’s being short. Just let it go, let her vent, empathize, do nothing. That gets you the best results across the board with women.
Steve Harvey has always been a bright light in my relationships in he morning on way to work. We listened to his radio show, laughed, cried, and sang to some “ bad” music soul music. I really don’t care what any of his haters have to say. Really! Steve has many fans.
Hi. Yes, Steve Harvey is 90% correct. I met my special companion years ago, and, we were just friends for a few years that texted every now and then. I kept things like this since he had "a situation". This man asked for time to get out of the situation, and, I GAVE HIM THAT TIME! Fortunately, last year, he kept his promise, and, now we are in a more serious situation. I can see myself with him on a more serious level since he was HONEST with me from the beginning and I believed him. And, he is such a "fixer". If ever I need anything done around the house, he hanes it if my brothers are not able to do so! I am glad I remained patient, optimistic with him. I hope God allows us to be friends forever and always! Facts! Nica from Jerzey
Just say: You're a nice person, but I cannot move forward. And I want you to stay focus, prayerful, & obtain prosperous life. I can't call you. You can't call me. Why? I can & will never give you want you need, want, or deserve. Be well.
I've heard that alternately when women are complaining about all the chaos and problems of any particular day, they don't want answers or solutions, they want to relate or share their drama. It's no wonder they lead guys through hoops trying to figure out the problem and eventually give up caring or wasting the time, especially when they create drama and problems like they have nothing else to do.
Lol this is funny cause my wife tells me that I don't need to solve every problem she has and she just wants to vent sometimes. I just don't want her to have problems it's not about moving on its about something bothering her and I don't want her to feel upset so I always try to help her no matter what it is. The truth is we can't solve every problem but we will still try.
I had to learn from my wife that when our teenage daughter came to me upset about something that she wasn’t looking for me to “fix it”, she was looking for sympathy and empathy. Good advice.
Oh I know this already!! I have felt this.. I got the “oh babe am sorry”. That’s it many times. Meanwhile I’am always there thinking of solutions and giving out a hand to any problem. These men don’t care about you!!! Simple as that. I have also had men that do care, you will notice a difference!!
It's important to ask this question before offering advice: "How did that make you feel?" This lets them know their feelings are important and they matter. Then, they'll be ready to receive advice. They might even come up with a solution of their own after they've processed their feelings.
8/10 times the woman just wants to vent and will get annoyed if you offer a solution 😂 that’s why I ask my wife ‘is this a rant or can I help?’ If it’s a rant I’ll join in and if not I’ll help.
Although he's right and I agree, however we have to understand the nature of women. They will cheer and applaud Steve Harvey for telling it how it is but then go to their man and tell him they don't want him to fix their problems. They just want him to listen to them to make them feel valued. But again female nature is to like the man that listens in the moment, while desiring the man the fixes problems and then crave that man from the past that didn't give a f about her or her problems cause he had swag and made her feel good, smh
@@nevillewhite1966 As a disclaimer we tend to say not all yet more than ever women in general tend to lean towards chaos. It's why the trashiest of the trashy reality TV shows last the longest.
Nah, lots of times we don't want a solution. We just need them to listen. My husband has learned to ask if I need a solution or just to vent. It's so nice to let us talk and not constantly try to fix things.
Did you ever think Steve he may have already tried to fix the problem and even several times? Maybe SHE needs to understand that men can't fix every problem.
I was getting ready to say the same thing he probably saw you weren't taking his advice and decided to stop wasting his breath you know Steve has certain audience he has to pander so he can't really be real
I think what he meant was not if he tried and then stops, it's about him not trying at all and just going "oh sorry babe" just to end the conversation and not the problem "here's when you know you have nothing" I think that statement was made to help them ladies know if their relationship is something or nothing
He didn’t say the type of guy that doesn’t provide solutions “anymore” bc of another cause. He said the type that never has and never will. Y’all really have to Stop projecting 😆
This one slapped me.. I've JUST broken up with a man who was definitely selfish and it was all him.. this one bit of speech wrapped up so much in such a short time.. I didn't have to watch a full video.. just BAM. Nice one Steve.
@@thetruehustler1365 awwwwww, men are always the problem. At times they are and at times a woman is... How can both effectively communicate without encounters with issues is the big question...lol
Shit, after years of her talking right over my solution and never tries a single one. My mouth is shut, and my neck be bobbing. Uh-huh yep yep. Oh yeah...huhhh. Thats what she gets now and forever more.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 exactly, Steve out here trying to ruin relationships...... Like he don't know, women don't want the problem solved by you, they just want to vent, and want you to just listen
Trying to 'fix' things caused me a lot of problems. Can't do right for doing wrong lol. I just think men and women are wired up differently. When I come to you with a problem, I'm 100% looking for a solution and it just feels strange to me to think any other way.
I'm in the later years of my life and 20 years older than my wife because when we were younger we met and fell in love as time in our marriage went along I always did that, helped her get through school to become a teacher helped her raise our two boys, helped her always with solutions to get us through our lives together and keep a roof over our heads. Now as I've gotten considerably older I'm still offering solutions but starting to feel like after all this time I'm running out of steam and not getting as much help at this stage in my life I had hoped for.
there comes a point in time when the man may get tired of providing solutions if A, you don't take the advice...or B...you keep coming up with problems all the time most men want peace 😁
Naaaaaahhhhhh. Learned this the hard way. Most women don't need the solutions, they just need to rant. Cause it's either it's not really a major problem or they need the drama.
I love you!!! You are a good man. A smart man. And a compassionate man! Applause sir! 👏 thank you for staying in this world and trying to make us all better!
