I think it’s important to point out that men are oftentimes the victims of narcissistic mental/verbal/emotional/psychological abuse too. They probably don’t speak up as much as they turn to different coping mechanisms such as substance abuse because they grew up in our toxic society that tells them not to show emotions. Men also have a need to feel safe and trust and be spoken kindly too and need lots of hugs in relationships!!! Just because we don’t see it as often, doesn’t mean it’s not there, many of our guy friends could be experiencing this and we’d never know.
Given the man is meant to provide the safety not being able to protect himself would seem a big negative in the eyes of women, hence why many men do not admit to being physically or emotionally abused by their partner, let alone report it to a system that considers men automatically perpetrators and women victims.
Yep, just walk it off! Rub some dirt on it... Suck it up, Man! Don't be a crybaby! (Resonates in my head) That's why so many Veterans are alcoholic, or addiction to other options... When in reality, if they would just start off by realizing what their own self-worth is... We are extremely valuable!
My wife and I went to a therapist because she just wouldn’t talk anymore. Totally depressed. Even he couldn’t get her to talk. So he just reached out and gave her a big hug. She just sighed and all the pressure went away. The doctor told me…”See,? That’s all she needed to help her!” I told him…. WOW…That’s awesome doc! I’ll do what I can to get her in here on Tuesdays. I work most every other day. 😉
I have a question. You mention as a women we have to feel safe with ourselves. But then that's what we are looking for. So how much is healthy to seek the safety in a man ? I'm currently going thru a break up engagement. Coming from unhealed woman at this time
If a woman hasn't overcome her traumas, insecurities, mental issues (OCD, Anxiety, etc.), then she shouldn't be burdening a man with those things at the outset of a relationship. Particularly if the man himself has confronted his own issues or if the man never had issues in the first place. It's unfair. It shouldn't be a Herculean effort to convince a woman she's safe, secure, etc. It's her own mind and past that is preventing her from seeing a good thing, and the level of distrust. This isn't a charity folks. You can't make someone happy, so if they're unhappy that isn't your problem. If you're in a relationship and you hit a rough patch, circle the wagons and fix the problem. I'm all for that. But overall, the man's job isn't some emotional pillow. We're adults here.
This is the exact thing that I learned with my ex boyfriend. I tried to help him heal from his past, but after a while I just didn't have it in me anymore to stay in an unhealthy or unsafe situation. I was good before I met him. Now, I have to heal from all that he did to me. So what you said, yeah, wow. Wanting to help them carry the weight is one thing, realizing that you can't or you shouldn't is another and very eye opening. Warmest regards. I would like to add that I believe he and I came into each other's lives to wake each other up from autopilot, because he did try as well. He has been a great teacher to me surprisingly and gratefully. It's funny how we need each other in this world, and yet it begins and ends within ourselves. Powerful accountability. Self love and respect, as well as compassion for others. Good luck to everyone! May God bless, protect and guide us all. You are loved.
Yes as a man I can fix things, not people ! It's each person's responsibility to address past issues, traumas. I'm a single man who battles all day at work, I surely don't want to be coming home thinking what version of her am I coming home to. 😮
One of the biggest pitfalls of romantic relationships is when one partner (or both) bring their "stuff" into the relationship, which tends not to show up until after the honeymoon phase. By stuff, it could be anxiety, depression, wounded inner child, toxic shame; but always emotional dependency. At some point, the relationship becomes therapy, and you're the therapist, like it or not. Ideally, people need to take personal responsibility and cure their emotional baggage, and not unfairly bring it to a relationship in a manner akin to espionage.
I was married to an unhealthy woman for 27 years. I needed to work on my own 'stuff' but we were both avoident so we shoved everything under the carpet. When I finally started working on my own stuff she became even more closed off and she couldn't open up even after months of me trying to rebuild the relationship.. So I left her and have been enjoying my life so much more since then.
I gave my ex confort,vulnerability, security, hugs, two kids, good with money, laughs, chemistry, locality, memories. But it just wasn’t enough for her. 😢
It is not the man's job to regulate your emotions or fix your trauma. If you are "unsafe" before you meet him there is nothing he can do. That's on you.
A hug melts you because you don't feel alone in having to exhaustively be so active in your mind. Your logical path seems well carved out, Stephanie, a lot of thought and noted experiences have built this thinking, yet, when those moments arrive that activate sensations in your body, not your logical mind, dropping into your physical body, that well thought out path might become foggy and hazy, line up both your brain and body, because if your body is craving more then you know your brain will build a complex logical thought process to explain away. I can mentally prepare for a long hike, yet once I arrive at the trail head, and the weather is bad and I need to walk hours to the top, my body needs to be ready and present with my mind.
I'm a man and didn't feel safe. I didn't feel secure, I didn't feel emotionally protected and I definitely didn't feel respected. And I couldn't get her to help me with those things. She never gave me the feeling she supported me. I never got a hug once when I needed it. It was always for her and when she wanted it. I've been out of the relationship for nearly a week so still early days but I'm already accepting it, even though it hurts like hell. But I know I'll be OK.
As a man I did not feel safe with my neurotic wife who could flip from Dr. Jeckel to Hyde on a dime. She tried telling me about the five love languages but, in reality if a person doesn't feel safe, the love languages are meaningless.
Childhood trauma is a huge problem. We men at least know, about our problems with emotions and other toxic traits, but women do not. Everything gets celebrated as freedom and empowerment, but in reality, it is self-destructive behavior. Perfectly good and secure guys are dumped for losers, because it doesn't feel right for the woman anymore. Of course, it doesn't feel right anymore; you just seek Drama. It is everything you know, and you cannot see a healthy relationship, because you don't know one. Boring is healthy; boring is stable. Boring will help you heal. Yes, men can have this behavior as well, but we have an entirely different field of dating. Most good men are picky and not players. They know the dating game is hard and will therefore fight for the woman they have chosen, but women know, that they can leave and have another guy in a matter of a week, if they really want to. This is self-destructive behavior, and it hurts women and men. Do not seek validation from outside. You do not want a woman who seeks validation from the outside. They have their fast fix of compliments and validation from you, and they leave you, when they get everything they can from you. You want a woman who seeks her validation from their inside. This can come from their job, their voluntary work, their art, family, animals or hobbies. It does not matter. They are not perfect. Nobody is, but they do not need the validation of strangers to fill a hole in their soul. They are willing to go the distance. They get to know you, and they allow you to get to know them. Furthermore, they are patient. And that is what you need as a man. And men, work on yourself as well. Work on your trauma and attachment styles. Your future wife will thank you for it. Especially your children.
My last relationship was with a smoking hot woman that i had feelings for. When together we got on great. When not together she was so paranoid that I was cheating (even though I never had, nor ever would) that even if I was busy and didnt text her back immediately that she'd go nuts. It grated on me for months. In the end I had to end it, even though I really didn't want to. She had been cheated on in the past, and that affected her whole demeanour in the end. Pretty sad really.
The problem is that most women (not all) don’t go through a long period of being single to really work on their trauma and toxic cycles they’re stuck in. Because in reality they don’t actually have to be single because most men want to be with them. So they’ll jump from guy to guy wanting him to heal her. Women have to admit this is a problem they create for themselves. If she’s not feeling safe it’s 8/10 times likely that it’s coming from her own spiraling thoughts and emotions, not anything the man is actually doing/not doing.
Amen. Childhood trauma is a huge problem. We men at least know, about our problems with emotions and other toxic traits, but women do not. Everything gets celebrated as freedom and empowerment, but in reality, it is self-destructive behavior. Perfectly good and secure guys are dumped for losers, because it doesn't feel right for the woman anymore. Of course, it doesn't feel right anymore; you just seek Drama. It is everything you know, and you cannot see a healthy relationship, because you don't know one. Boring is healthy; boring is stable. Boring will help you heal. Yes, men can have this behavior as well, but we have an entirely different field of dating. Most good men are picky and not players. They know the dating game is hard and will therefore fight for the woman they have chosen, but women know, that they can leave and have another guy in a matter of a week, if they really want to. This is self-destructive behavior, and it hurts women and men. Do not seek validation from outside. You do not want a woman who seeks validation from the outside. They have their fast fix of compliments and validation from you, and they leave you, when they get everything they can from you. You want a woman who seeks her validation from their inside. This can come from their job, their voluntary work, their art, family, animals or hobbies. It does not matter. They are not perfect. Nobody is, but they do not need the validation of strangers to fill a hole in their soul. They are willing to go the distance. They get to know you, and they allow you to get to know them. Furthermore, they are patient. And that is what you need as a man. And men, work on yourself as well. Work on your trauma and attachment styles. Your future wife will thank you for it. Especially your children.
Come on now, that is way too much conversation for the one thing that women want which is "!MONEY!" MONEY-MONEY-MONEY-AND MORE OF IT!!! GO SEE YOUR BANK TELLER FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, COACHING, ADVICE, AND ACQUISITION STRATEGIES TO INVEST IN YOUR MATERIALIZED EXISTENCE. STOP RATIONALIZING, JUSTIFYING, OBJECTIFYING MEN AS YOUR PRIMARY INVESTOR(S)!!!
Stephanie, I love you, but please stop making videos while driving! A. It's dangerous! I would hate for something to happen to you, you have a family and your viewers need you. B. It's off-putting.
Relationships are almost 1 sided, most of the time the women is the one that feels unheard, unseen, and feels alone. Most men try to solve problems bc we are problem solvers, and we do not understand that women just need someone to hug. It is bc men are not mind readers. This is a disadvantage for new relationships, bc it isn't taught and men do not understand that women are this way. Also women does not understand how a man thinks and expects him to just know to not solve her problems and just hug her. For a logical man, this is super confusing and her next relationship will be the same bc only 5% of men knows about this. It is sad and there should be more resources for this to teach men.
In my experience walls go up, anxiety increases, excuses proliferate, when women are not attracted to you. When they are attracted to you there no walls, no barriers, no excuses. Pretty simple.
I'd not heard of the Decenter men movement before reading your comment, so I looked it up. It makes sense to me: I doubt a suitable man is looking for a woman who centers him, just unsuitable men are. So, by decentering men the chances of coming across someone suitable should increase. But then what do I know.
12:32 This all happened to me after I voiced one of my needs a few times over several months and it was not met... I was basically made to feel like I asked for too much when it's was a basic need in our relationship (consistent communication). I still stuck around, because his schedule was going to change soon and it would allow us more time to catch up on the weekends and reestablish what we had, but he broke up before we got to take advantage of that. 😔 I still love him from the bottom of my heart, but I'm really hurt right now. 💔
Men have had enough of what Women want and expect,that is why so many have walked away and are crafting great lives as single Men who refuse to Marry . They are loving their freedom and peace
don't worry sweetie, morally superior men, will still build the infrastructures that provide you with electricity, food, water, sewage, sanitation and all the other conveniences you take for granted...enjoy your cats. 🐈🐈🐈
@@mike-ology22 I was too naive before and got manipulated easily by them. Now I am winning on their own dark ego games or simply won't play. The first to break emotionally is the loser.
Guys….if a woman has these traumas…it equals baggage….that one day and usually more are going to haunt you in ways like their PMS days…..so measure the amount of traumas and maybe deal with them if minor, but anything greater….RUN.🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃🏃🏃and run fast.
Hey Steph!!! I hope you're doing well!!! I highly recommend Dr. Joe Dispenza!!!! (love-mind-connection-thankful-peace-worth-value) I think your life will improve. It will be better and elevated!!! xoxo May God bless you Queen!!!!!!!!
Really?! Do you honestly think that all this is a revelation for most men? What if I stated that; the reason most women want "bad boys" is because "bad boys" feed a woman's need for disfunction and drama? Also, it does not matter weather a men knows this or not, he could be a good guy and try to make her fill "safe", if she has that need for drama there is not much that he can do about it.
I am the one with the walls that are up and I’ve been up for 20 years. I was single for 21 years and then I met somebody and she bailed after four months and I told her the 21 years thing it’s gonna take some work for me as well to do the work put in the work, but I needed her coaching and what she needed. She bailed when we got together in September 2023. She bailed in January or before January actually cause you know. But she’s helping me through some trauma right now But she’s also with somebody you know, so that creates more trauma
That's why in traditional society you marry one man for good. Many relationships lead to MISTRUST of MEN! Many women don't go out with guys anymore, which is smart. Women don't need more wounds, emotional scars, than they already have.
I find many of us repeat the unhealthy patterns from our childhoods. My parents were both emotionally unavailable. My parents were always out every weekend from Thursday night through Saturday nights and would party. My father was an alcoholic. Guess what my hunsband did... abandoned me to go out partying with his friends very very often while I prepared a nice meal and waited for him... I took that garbage for decades until I woke up. It is a lifetime of work.
Interesting dissertation. Thanks. Went a lot of different directions. As a man, I had some real horrible traumas growing up regarding my mom. It would be called abuse nowadays. I did not trust any woman, none. I figured they all would turn into shrieking psychotic banshees. Finally after 22, I learned that not all women were like that. Plus, I developed some strongly empathic abilities. I have warned people before of something I saw within someone close to them and they ridiculed me. But sure enough, they were double crossed. I do not claim 100% but probably better than 60%? It’s like I can crawl behind their eyeballs and know their emotional state and rationales.
Honestly, sounds like a lot of excuses and fortification that all of the Females issues are caused by men. To bad too, men are simple creatures. And we are not mind readers. I think it's very unfair to get into a relationship with anyone when your hiding your issues, better to be open and honest from the get go and let the other person decide if your right for them.. Stephanie, I get that your trying to make a living "Helping" people but to me, you pretty much force people to believe they are messed up and need help when in reality life isn't always easy and it's normal to not be happy every minute of the day. Instead of pushing the "Issue" agenda", why don't you push the, "Just do the best you can" agenda. Constantly talking about your issues just keeps them to the forefront of your thoughts.. Personally, I think therapy is more hurtful than helpful. In my opinion, pick some good friends and family members and your life will be good. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, just do the best you can with what you have!
People of trauma tend to attract others that are too. Eckart tolle called a pain body. Your energy is undeniable. If you grew up in a broken family environment, you will likely find a mate that has similar traumas. Unfortunately women will not accept a broken man, but they expect men to accept their brokenness. A hug is the most important thing for anyone with CPTSD. Also button up your shirt before a serious convo. Disrespectful woman.
Guys - when picking a woman, look at her family background. If it is stable and loving - that is her normal and what you can expect. If it is traumatic, divorced, single mother, criminal etc etc - forget it!! You will be buying a bundle of heartache at extreme cost. A pretty face and a good pair of bazookas cannot make up for that.
Superb video!!! 👏👏 Down to the most important basics. We all need to feel secure, protected & respected. Consistency ties everything together. Chef's kiss Stephanie for this one!
Neediness of women... Is why I will remain single and fulfilled. Y'all have way to many rules and guidelines and very little forgivness when these rules and guideline are accidently crossed... If we know what they are first. But, they get made up as we go along. Y'all like to punish us... Ego trip.
Modern women listen up, Don't ask for a man that is masculine if you are not going to be a feminine woman. I got my life totally together then realized then were very few women that deserved to be a part of it. I learned to enjoy my single life and don't want the drama women bring especially when most women are just selfish. Older women really need to take along hard look in the mirror because one thing that never changes no matter what the Fem's say. Youth and beauty is a woman SMV. A 30 year old woman is an old lady in many countries. In the west woman want to rewrite nature and pretend 40 is young for a woman, sorry it is not.
Very few men can make a woman happy and feel secure throughout her lifetime. She seems to find a reason to bail out. Children, house, savings, pets, it won't matter, she wants out.
False that a woman doesn't want intimate with a man if she doesn't feel safe. Feelings have multiple triggers. If a woman feels better with chad.. if a woman feels she'll get the trip that she wants... if a woman feels she needs to control the husband... if the woman's fantasy is her boss... yes so much romantic for the concept of feelings.
My advice is to watch your video back for yourself because it will show you how much more inner work you have to do as you have alot of distortions active within your energy field and are still spiritually bypassing and making alot of excuses for your dysfunctional codependent trauma bond repeating cycles. If not life will show you :)
When a woman dies, her man misses her. When a man dies, his woman misses all the things he did for her (And gets mad at him for making her find a new man)
Did it ever occur to you that you are the narcissist? I see on your channel you speak in these broad generalizations as if everyone listening to you on your channel is always the correct one, and when they had relationships fail, their partners were the ones that were deeply flawed. it sounds like projection to me! It seems like you believe that whenever you were in a relationship with someone and it didn’t work out it was their fault. They were the toxic ones. And I think that is the case! And you project this onto your audience. You never ask your audience to consider if they are toxic? Which indicates the likelihood that this is the way you operate. You see yourself as perfect in every way and when the relationship doesn’t work out it’s obviously them were toxic not you. I’ve been watching a little more of your videos and I see the dysfunction. I see the absurdity. The nonsensical reasoning that you provide in your channel always over generalizing. never encouraging your followers to self reflect
@@allonesea thanks for the comment and the like. 👍 I’m just about 100% certain that Stephanie is a narcissist. And all her talk about the other person being in the narcissist is just her projections. I don’t see any evidence that she has the ability to self, reflect or take responsibility.
@@ChristisSaviour and 90% of these relationships it’s the woman being unreasonable. They are so militant about setting their boundaries! Making sure all their boxes are checked! Overrating themselves over inflated egos. And pricing themselves out of the dating market. And you see this girl here Stephanie she doesn’t even read her comments. Not reading her comments is a very big narcissistic red flag. 🚩
I agree with her 3 pts … ATTACHMENT styles play a huge part … best to have a secure and active seperate life and most importantly GOD - get outta drama and GOD - gratitude on demand
Spot on. But men please note: do not become inauthentic to yourself by admitting uncritically any and all *beliefs* she seeks to share. Feelings are often provoked by thoughts, and thoughts from beliefs; the first two come into our minds spontaneously and always deserve acceptance as such…but not the latter. That does not mean you should ever turn critic (see drama triangle), but passively agreeing with her *beliefs* when you disagree, simply in the name of letting her feel safe, isn’t on this menu. E.g. that she is excited to share her latest “discovery” about a woo woo cancer cure or intentions to join a social cult are not an opportunity to make her feel safe, it is a time to recheck your alignment and whether or not one of you has outgrown the original basis for being in the relationship.
What about the dudes unless she's a narcissist which majority of women nowadays are narcissists not all but the majority of but what about the dudes when we're going through s***
Stephanie I enjoy your videos it's helped me so much.ive been through a lot in life but i think im going to be ok.thank you god bless you❤ oh your beautiful too.
None of this applies to women with NPD or BPD. If they have all these basic needs met, they will still drop you in a heartbeat for someone who wont support those 3 needs.
Everyone has heard reading between the lines and here we go it's true and it's crazy and it's wow scary wild and there's nothing I can do about it which is awesome I'm now at expert level I mean beyond the moon and she has no idea
For some women feeling safe is knowing your lies are safe and someone is not uncovering them. You are free from your evil past and able to do evil things without being discovered in a new relationship. As soon as you think they are starting to figure some things out about you then you attack and destroy once again. Some of these sweet little cuties are truly emotional monsters who would not know a good stable dependable man if he bumped into her.
