Male R*pe Jokes & Why No One Cares 

As a Male survivor of Childhood S.A. I’ve never told a soul due to the perpetrator being a close family member and me knowing NO ONE will believe me, thank you for this video.

There's something comforting hearing an abrasive and harsh comedian like Katt Williams put his foot down and say rape is never funny.

Everytime I see Jeffrey Dahmer jokes, I can't help but think that they wouldn't be nearly as accepted and normalized if his victims were white women.

saw a wonderful tumblr post the other day about teaching boys consent (although tbh this goes for all kids/people): _“While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem._ _If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.”_ why i always hated that “do as i say not as I do” logic

I was SA'd while in the military by a gay man. My assault was laughed off by my command who said it was a "lovers quarrel". I'm straight, he was just someone I thought was a friend. My self image was destroyed for years and I was SA'd by multiple women after that, taking advantage of my fear of saying no to someone again, taking advantage of me when I was intoxicated, or just not giving me a choice. It took a long time to recover enough pride to finally tell people what happened, let alone stand up for my self. I'm happy to say my biggest supporters were the LGBT community, who helped me work through my homophobia, and showed me such love and compassion I can never repay.

As a woman I had an older female employee grab my behind like she had a right. "I just wanted to see what it felt like"I told my boss and he just looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. Women do it to other women as well. That's something I never hear people talk about either.

as a female SA survivor ive never ever ever understood the doubled sidedness of sexual assault and violence between men and women because even tho its not taken seriously in both cases ALOT of the times for men its not taken seriously at all and sometimes its praised and they are told they should have enjoyed it and its just so so so so so gross because nobody should have to go through that or even be told they should have liked something that utterly destroyed their dignity

I’m a man that was r*ped at an afterparty. My friends had already left and I had turned her down multiple times already. Thinking I was safe, I blacked out and heard from other people afterwards that they saw her on top off my passed out body but they didn’t intervene. Went home while still feeling foggy and under the influence, fell asleep immediately once home. Upon waking up I felt nasty and just showered. I didn’t have the courage to report it to the police.

I told a person once that I was assaulted as a child and he said “Men always wanted. You secretly wanted it,” and I said “…I was 6. Are you seriously gonna say that a 6 year old wanted to be assaulted?” Also as a gay man, I do feel like when I talk about this sometimes, it’s assumed that I deserved this as a gay man.

As a female SA survivor, it makes my heart hurt that male survivors are mocked so much. The jokes just aren't funny. They never were. It's sad that it takes this for people to understand. No one takes SA seriously.

My mother was being physically abusive towards my father one night in my childhood & I had to tell the police what happened & they arrested my mother & even though it was heartbreaking & traumatizing for me as a child, I’m glad I stood up for him. RIP Daddy🙏🏻💔

In my personal opinion, (as someone who’s lucky enough to have never experienced any kind of SA), the biggest problem with R “jokes” is that they make the victim the butt of the joke. Maybe R jokes could be funny if they mocked the abusers instead of the victims. Idk tho

Until we teach our children that sex is something you do WITH somebody ,NOT, what you do TO somebody ,we are all at risk no matter how we choose to deny it .

A straight male friend of mine was raped by a woman last summer. The internalized stereotype of “men always want it” was so strong he started the story by saying, “so… I had sex with a stripper the other day”. After he told me and another friend who was in the call the full story, how he repeatedly told the woman that he wasn’t interested in doing anything, how she covered his mouth and said that if her boss heard him make any noise they’d both be in trouble, we told him it didn’t sound like he “had sex”, but was assaulted. It took him a few hours to fully come to terms with what happened. When he eventually told his other friends and family about it almost all of them laughed when he framed the story as him being raped. Even after hearing the full story and how non-consensual it was they just couldn’t take it seriously. Nearly every woman I know has been at minimum sexually harassed, and this is only one of two men I know who has been sexually assaulted, it’s still important to take these men seriously when they tell their stories. End Sexual Violence

All of the woman I know in my life have been raped or sexually assaulted which is a terrifying statistic, but also most of my male friends have told me they have been sexually assaulted, a couple have told me they’ve been raped. And 90% of those times happened when they were minors or children. I used to think that because so many of us as women have experienced it we would be compassionate towards the men in our lives who come forward. As I grew up I found out that is not the case. And what a horrible thing to do, so many of us experience not being believed, or having the blame shifted to us, or downplayed or simply ignored and then for us to turn around and put that back on men. It makes me wonder why? But for men they also have the layer of their trauma being a joke or invisible because of all the reasons highlighted in this video and more, I always believed the men in my life who were vulnerable enough to tell me that they’ve been SA’d or raped. And I really hope that any of you who have experienced it can have that. If your friends don’t believe you regardless of gender they aren’t really your friends and I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. It’s already hard enough to experience let alone to have a second victimization of sorts by people you thought cared for you, or people you’re trying to seek justice from.

As an asexual man; it’s really uncomfortable when people, especially cis straight women claim that all men are horny and always want sex no matter what. This normalises sexual advances onto men since they “want it”, it also makes me (and other ace men I’ve spoken to) feel like other see us as non people and but rather just some sort of a lier, weirdo or a tease

what’s heartbreaking about grape statistics is they’re always higher than they appear because you have to factor in the people who are keeping their trauma a secret.

I was getting molested by my older stepbrother as a kid and not believed for multiple years. The moment that it was believed the children are house were being abused. Was when my sister came forward about my stepfather doing the same. I was still never believed but at least those bastards were taken out of our lives

We were like 19 and this was in my city in Mexico. One day a classmate (man) told us (a group of women) that just an hour ago some man that looked like a pimp started to compliment his lookss and asked for his cellphone number, and he gave it to him. In my city there's been a disgustingly high number of women disappearances and it's widely known that many end up in Tlaxcala being sold as sex slaves and many, killed. With this knowledge, my reaction through the whole narration of my classmate was of horror, here we know these pimps modus operandi, I genuinely felt like he was in great danger, mostly cuz he told us that the pimp told him sth bout receiving money from older men. All my alarms went off and I started to raise my voice as I was telling him to never answer his phone to unknown people, to be careful when returning to his house, to tell his parents, etc. but through the whole time the other girls were smiling and laughing, as if he was telling a funny story. And at the point were I was taking it very seriously he HIMSELF got kinda annoyed with me, I saw it in his face. He didn't like that I perceived him as a victim. That broke something inside of me cuz I was genuinely trying to help, but he looked at me with disgust. It confused me widely, as to why a man has to laugh about a dangerous situation just because he's been raised to act tough and bc he has internalized that shit.

My bf was r-worded by another boy in the bathroom in 5th grade. I was one of the few people he told me, during the 10th grade, a year after we started dating. The first few were his teachers. No one believed him, and when he told me, his rapist came to him and asked to reignite a friendship, and he wanted to get closer to my bf. He was on the verge of taking his life. Fuck schools. It’s a big deal no matter what gender it is, woman or man, child on child or pedophilia.

I'm a male rape victim, it happened when i was 7 i still remember when i was in a group of friends, all of them were girls sharing their experiences with fear and harassment and i felt like maybe it was safe for me to open up, but when i told them about my abuse, i was laughed at and they were like "k lol?" i wanted to die

i hope all men that were sexually assaulted or abused get justice. i belive in you and wish you well. great video, thanks Herby

I’m a trans guy. When I was younger, I was still exploring my gender and my sexuality and I had gotten sa’ed by three different “friends” (at different times). When I had opened up about it, most adults told me that it was my fault for taking up the offer to sleep in my friends bed or that I shouldn’t take it seriously because the worst case was a girl or that we were kids so it doesn’t matter. One of the things I heard so often was that “it’s not sa or r-word because they were experimenting”. I was invalidated because it wasn’t an adult, because most of them were queer and because we were kids and teens. Even though my friends and family are more supportive now, I still cry remembering what younger me had to deal with

“Everything is funny, until it happens to you” - Dave Chappelle

i’m a trans man. i was sa’ed as a kid, especially during the very beginning of my transition. i’ve had people tell me that i deserved what happened to me, as i “needed to be reminded of the reality of my body”. this is fucked up to tell anyone, let alone a child

As a male, I'm been SA'd multiple times and when people find out they just laugh at me.

I respect Terry Crews so much for coming forward and not letting society's attitudes silence him. People gave him so much shit for it, a lot of them from the black community, but he pushed passed it all and forced society to reckon with the fact that anyone can be a victim of SA. People see a tall, muscular black man who is a perfect example of traditional masculinity and assume that there's no way that he could be a victim. This obviously ignores how much of a role psychological abuse, coersion and manipulation play in sexual violence and it demonstrates how society tries to put people into boxes of 'victim' and 'perpetrator' based on their appearance. Terry doesn't owe anyone anything, what happened to him never should have occurred in the first place, but I think that by fighting for justice he helped so many men and showed them that they are _allowed_ to speak up about their experiences; that what happened to them should be taken seriously and that there's no excuse for abuse or assault.

I had a girlfriend in college who no matter how many times I expressed not wanting to have sex her first time under the conditions we were in (my car). She berated me for minutes for not being manly enough, she continually progressed despite me saying I wasn't comfortable insulting me every time I protested. Then she initiated sex with me literally trying to block her or get out of it. I was larger/ stronger etc. But at the end of the day she made me have sex with her through guilt and insults. It took me years to realize that was rape. When I've talked about this in friendships multiple people have told me it wasn't "a real rape."

I was drugged and SA'd by a woman I met off tinder and it took me years to unpack that situation. Appreciate you raising awareness on this situation ✊🏽

I often come back to think about how many fujoshi [mlm mangas/manhwas that are often f*tishized] start or have this plot in some way. That one of them is straight or even if queer not interested on the other party yet is played for comedy or even worse romance. That there is a whole a community that often centers their romantic pairings based on the assault of another male lead because there is no other reason that the value of two men together in any way. I've always found it weird and tragic how much a community could not only demoralize these relationships but how it really reflects the many account from my mlm friends who have had these experiences in some way being seen as nothing more than objects because of how these communities tend to specifically treat these relationships and situations.

I know a lot of victims personally, from all genders and diverse age ranges, and one of the ones that still get to me was a guy in high-school who was so proud to tell me he lost his virginity at something like 12 years-old to a woman in her twenties. At the time I had no idea how to even try to explain to him what that meant. Some of the biggest factors for people to stay silent are social assumptions: stuff like typical gender dynamics, familial hierarchies and bias based on appearance. That boy was convinced he was lucky due to social expectations and I still think about it to this day.

I'm a trans man and it was very traumatizing to be assaulted that way by men. The added layer of oh they are acting like I am a woman made it really really bad. It messed with my head for a very long time.

as a women i’ve never understood the jokes like at all even as a kid it just felt so wrong…it’s even in children shows..i’ve had encounters with men who were victims of rape and it’s so normalized they don’t even see it as rape and more as a flex it’s a sad cycle 😞

At one point in this video you mention what homophobia actually is in the minds of the homophobic. In my childhood and a bit into my teens that is exactly how I thought. Although I tried my best to never treat people differently regardless of their sexuality, on the inside I remember what my thoughts would be like. I used words I really shouldn't have too. Trigger warning: This is gonna be rough so you are warned. When I was a little boy I was victimized by both an older boy and an older girl at different points of my childhood. I eventually came out about my male attacker but to this day (I'm over 30) I still feel scared to tell anyone about the girl that assaulted me on multiple occasions. When I was a kid I didn't even know if I was allowed to be against a girl touching me like that. It ruined my entire childhood. To this moment I still have never had a relationship.

Something that honestly terrifies me about dating is that if I end up with an abuser then I will have no support because the man should "be tougher"

I'm a female that was assaulted by my older sister throughout most of my life. It's taken worse as male on male, but even female on female isn't seen the same. I've been mocked and laughed at when coming forward with it (especially since I'm clearly into women). My own therapist doesn't even seem to take me seriously because it was a woman doing it. He takes me seriously when I talk about issues I've had with men doing stuff, but for some reason, he can't accept that my sister was an abuser. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if I were a man that experienced this.

This crushes my heart. Males are also victim to sexual assault exactly as women and this is something that is finally being acknowledged. Well done.

Hearing you name off trans men in the beginning was extremely validating and I thank you so, so much. Because as a trans man, I completely understand both sides of victims. I was sexually assaulted by 20 different people throughout my whole lifetime, 7 of them being adults when I was a child, 3 of them being teenagers when I was a child, and the rest being children of my same age at whatever time it happened. A lot of it happened before I transitioned, but some of it happened after my transition. I've experienced both feelings. Both gender norms. When I open up about it to someone at school, currently, I'll hear people around me laugh because they think I'm a cis guy. When I opened up to it years ago, I was yelled at and treated like I was a stupid attention seeking-- you know, any misogynist terms they used that I don't want to repeat out of respect. I see women talk about their experiences, and I understand. I see men talk about their experiences, and I understand. I got the worst of both worlds, and I've been beaten to a pulp with it. There is no funninest about it. At all. Especially not when it's targeted at people who cannot defend themself from it happening because they believe it will never happen, then it does, and they're utterly traumatized. Because what if it happens again? Now that they know it can happen, what happens now? Who do they tell? They have no one, and they can't even trust themself anymore, because trusting themself got them in that situation. What about the men who used to BE the ones making these jokes? Who genuinely thought it could never happen? What happens when suddenly they're the victim and they're suddenly SO hyper aware of how all of their friends would laugh at them for it, how they've set themself up for failure, how they've unawarely surrounded themself with only unsafe people. I see women talk about their experiences, and struggles, and I relate to it so harshly, yet I always feel I have no say in it. Especially after one time I saw this video of a girl telling a trans man that them talking about their experience was just "another man trying to victimize themself" and it felt.. contradicting? I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, they're acknowledging that trans men are men. That we have the same brain structures and thought patterns as men do, just with different biology and experiences, which can cause a bit of a difference. (ie, where cis men don't put much effort into their appearance trans men tend to be hyper aware of their appearance, where cis men don't worry about weight problems trans men are scared of being overweight due to the societal norms they learned to abide by.) and yet, somehow, they've.. contradicted themself. Not only are they acting like men, in general, are incapable of experiencing any problems women tend to face, but they're also depicting trans men as the same as cis men. Which to some extent I wish was true, I wish we could just be cis men and not have to worry about all the extra shit, but unfortunately that's just not how it is. I remember seeing that video, and I just... I think it completely changed my viewpoint. It suddenly became so clear to me, that some women do see trans men as just.. men. Especially when we pass well. From that point on I suddenly became hyper aware of how close I got to girls, how I talked and treated women, etc. because I am at a point in my transition where, sure, I don't have the money to medically transition, but I've been told time and time again "oh I thought you were cis" , "oh I had no idea" , "oh if you hadn't told me I would have assumed you were just a very pretty cis guy!" I cannot just ignore that. I am actively being perceived as a cis guy. I need to take that responsibility. And suddenly everything feels more stressful. I'll see a gendered post I relate to, or a gender norm I'm falling into, or just anything, and suddenly I have to sit down and question myself on it. "Why am I relating to this post clearly targeted towards women? Does this make me less of a man, or is it simply something I cannot control? Is it a mindset or biology?" "HELL YEAH I RELATED TO A FISHING POST" Very different reactions Yet, this is when it dawned on me. For the first time, I looked at a woman talking about her experience of sexual assault, and I just.... sat there for hours? It was a short video, why was I so fixated on it? What's the missing piece here? What is this feeling? *I will never have a community to talk to about this.* I will never find someone that I can genuinely speak to about my experiences. My friends are cis guys who make jokes sometimes that make me feel like.. I don't know how to even describe it, I could never shatter my mom's heart with this, my brother gets awkward just talking to me about Pokemon, who do I go to? Where do I go? I have no one. Recently I found the song "labour" by Paris Paloma. I heard it, and I didn't know how to respond. Do I cry? Do I relate with them? If I go to the comments saying "as a man, I relate because- 🤓☝️" when the whole song is about men treating women terribly? That song wasn't made for me. And yet I can feel every word like it was birthed from my core, as a product of the equation I begged not to be taught. I don't really know how I was planning on ending all of this, but I guess the only real way I can describe this feeling is with the fact that everytime I hear this song I can only bear to harmonize instead of singing the main verse. I can only manage to mutter "you make THEM do too much labour" because without that subtle change I don't feel right. It was not made to be sung, it was made to be supported and uplifted. I am but one other pillar holding up their architecture that was not meant for my eyes to gaze upon loudly so I just hold it steady with my quiet experience. I remember saying to myself all the time when I was younger, "one day I'll be big enough to protect girls." I'm not very old, but I guess it's ironic I couldn't even manage to protect myself first. One day, though. One day someone will need my help and I'll be far enough in my transition to be intimidating. One day I'll punch 20 people.

I was abused in this way by a girl when we were 13 until 15. She was 6 months younger than me. I'm pretty sure she was a victim herself but the fact is she still did it to me too. I've also been preyed on by an adult women towards the end of that, and separately, my own mother stripped me against my will at 16 to "inspect" my junk. I've spent years just trying to get by on denial because when I tried to tell a therapist she completely dismissed that I'm traumatized. I'm turning 20 soon and I don't think I'll ever be able to be consensually intimate with anyone. The trauma's festered, it feels like a rot that's eating me from the inside out, I'm paranoid about people touching me or using me for such things, I myself feel like a perpetrator just for thinking someone's cute even if I don't say a word, because I just have such horrible feelings around the concept of attraction and on an emotional level I have no idea how consent really works. I remember before all this happened, those sorts of feelings starting in puberty, being so excited to grow up and be old enough to do those things because it seemed wonderful. A part of my life was robbed from me and I'm laughed at and mocked for grieving it. I wish male victims were taken seriously but unfortunately I doubt it'll ever happen

remember Ishowspeed had that uncomfortable joke where he asked a girl if he was the last guy on earth if shed let him sleep with her. She answered no so he was like " So who's gonna stop me!". like that really gave me chills, idk if he was joking still, cuz hes around some weirdos....

I’ll never forget the first male SA survivor I encountered. He was this sweet elderly man I met in rehab & like me, he also turned to drug addiction to cope with trauma. I was honestly stunned he shared his story with me given we’d only known each other for a week but I’m glad he felt comfortable enough to do so. It’s scary to come forward regardless of gender but it was in that moment where I realized how different it was for men.

my bf is a survivor of childhood r by a family member and to this day he still goes into breakdowns about how people say that men can’t be assaulted. he lives with DID and many issues because girls are taught to set boundaries but men are ignored. i really hate how men are treated, i really do.

Men need to understand that Terry Crews is so much braver and stronger for standing up and speaking out than they'll ever be for mocking him and belittling what he went through.

Remember that scene in Hazbin hotel where the punchline of one of the jokes was sir pentious, a male character, saying “im gonna have x with everyone!!” After getting nervous talking to his crush and then everyone starts dragging him into a room to then do that?? I remember i pointed out how weird it was that it was treated like a joke and i was told “oh it’s just a joke, it’s not that big of a deal.” I guarantee if Cherri Bomb had been in that place in that scene, same joke, same context, people would have lost their MINDS.

I’m a queer man & was assaulted by a queer man years ago & yeah, not only did it take me years to accept what happened, but even longer to tell people because of everything you talked about. And us both being queer made me feel like no one, especially straight people, would understand. Didn’t help that it started consensual until it wasn’t. Real talk, I still doubt myself & ask myself if I’m allowed to even be upset about it or if it happened. Can’t thank you enough for this video.

I'm a victim of this topic myself but nothing hurt me more than this one interaction I had regarding the topic. I was away at rehab a few years ago for drug issues and one of the group therapy sessions i had to do to was called "healing your inner child" and i was to attend with all the women and men in the rehab i was at. We had this one dude, we'll call him Bruce for anonymity sake. Huge guy, bald, covered in tattoos, gang affiliated, nicest dude you'll ever meet but very, very quiet and closed off almost like he's constantly on guard. One day were going around the room during our second to last day of therapy and the therapist (who was amazing) asked if anyone had any breakthroughs or thoughts that they wanted to share. Bruce raised his hand to speak for the first time in the entirety of therapy and starts going over a time when he was 7. His parents got a new baby sitter for him and his younger brother. She was a family friend and she was like 4-5 years older than them. From the minute she started babysitting them to the day they became too old to need a sitter, she was r*** them almost daily. Force fellatio, intercourse, pictures, horrible shit to both him and his younger brother. It completely fucked him up for a long time. While it was happening, he told numerous people. Friends, adults, teachers. Some didnt believe him, but the worst part of it was most people were literally congratulating him. The dude was discussing the worst time in his life and begging for help out of the situation and instead of offering that help, other men just said that he should be grateful that a hot older girl would want to have sex with him and his brother. Single digit agee childred and grown adults are saying shit like "well damn i wish that happened to me". That shit absolutely broke me. My experience was with someone of the same gender so in my mind i internalized it as most guys are just deviants and my experience was a solid reminder of why women were so wary of men. Then i heard his story a couple years ago and it fucked me up cause i had never thought about the consequences of the assailant being of a different gender. I dont really know what the point of this comment was. I just felt like i needed to share something. It's like people think it doesn't happen if they're not seeing it themselves. Everyone is so quick to joke about r*** until they know someone who has been r***d, and then it's immediate apologies. Why do you need to have a personal connection to someone who is suffering to care about them? Just fucking be nice to people it truly isn't that hard

I've heard countless stories about women who have SAed or exploited both men AND BOYS and people have been commenting things like "I wish I was him", "he enjoyed that" and "women can't be predators" it's sickening

one thing i've seen in my experience is that when my boyfriend who is a r*pe victim by 2 women in his childhood, so many times when he opens up about his SA (even in support groups), many people tell him "women have it worse" (it shouldn't be a competition in my opinion) and when he opens up that people don't take him seriously because he's a guy a bunch of people come out and says something like "that's not women's fault, it's men's fault" and they mention the patriarchy that expects men to be strong and sees women as weak and therefore can't commit crimes. and its true that the patriarchy is a big reason but the thing is he never said it's women's fault or blamed women, it seems like people assume he thinks that when he does not. and he had a break down the other day and told me i'm the only one who he can talk to about this that does not automatically assume he's trying to silence women in some way. i try to be there for him but i feel like i'm not doing enough, i want him to be able to open up to professional people which i'm not one. i wish society can break the stigma of men who are victims so they can have a voice too. sorry for my bad english !!

I went to a poetry night(its a primarily black space )and one of the speakers wrote a piece about being assaulted by women. It got super quiet and you could feel the heaviness. But I'm glad to hear his story and hoping it inspired others to create a safe space for male victims to share.

"Seven men have come forwards, so that means the victims must number in the thousands." As a piece of dark humor I found this particular joke really funny. The sad truth it's highlighting is very grim though. End SV

My male friends who confided to me about SA really broke my heart. Most of them were the same…even making jokes about their own experience. I had to inform a friend that what he thought was a consensual experience actually wasn’t, because he wasn’t old enough to consent. He was just like, “Hmmmm….you got a point there…” 🤦🏾‍♀️. They don’t even seem to be able to give themselves the empathy they need to heal, and nobody else is giving it, either. This needs addressing.☹️

I'm a straight guy, I was the victim of childhood SV and abuse, adult DV and SV. I've had a bunch of traumatic relationship and sexual experiences and only now as I'm approaching 30 have I finally come to understand and accept these experiences and their effects on who I was and who I am today. I still don't talk about it and VERY few people know because my whole life it was made a joke. I was really homophobic (but never bullied, and even had gay friends as a kid and teen) as a result of my experiences as a way of rejecting and denying what I was put through and I really regret that. As I've gotten older more men than I would've imagined have confided in me about similar experiences. The problem with patriarchy isn't men, it is patriarchs. This to me is a very important video, I'm sure I'll revisit again in the future. Wishing everyone all the best in their journey.

One thing that has never sat right with me is prison r*p3 jokes. Like someone will make that soap joke and I'll be like "bro that's not funny," and then they'll literally go "ok but, it kinda is tho," even when the guy I'm talking to has trauma around CSA. It's wild.

I was SA'd by a girlfriend of 6 months. I can't even begin to tell you how many people wrote it off simply because 1, i'm male presenting (amab non-binary), and 2, she was my girlfriend. People can't seem to understand how It's even possible that I couldn't have wanted it. Thank you for this video.

As a male sa survivor, i appreciate this video. Ive told people and he had no consequences just because i went mute out of fear and didnt outright say no, im healing and working through it but it still hurts. Thanks again

I'm a girl but I wanted to share: In my old school there was a girl who would make sexual jokes or something like that, sometimes to me too. So I'd say I was sexually harassed in a way but the girl was a kid too at the time so idk if it counts. One day in 8th grade she got angry at a girl she didn't like for something I won't say bc I don't know if the girl would like it. But it's something that could count too, so I pointed it out. She said that she didn't touch her so it's okay.. It's messed up really. SA, sexual harassment and rape aren't funny. They're not something you laugh at, something you use to censor "sex" (some young ppl did that at some point) it's not something that only happens to certain groups of people.

I was sexually assaulted as a child by a girl, and I am now a transman but when i've tried to talk about it people who don't understand my identity ask me "how was it traumatic if you're gay/lesbian?" And I was asked that not only by ex-female friends I trusted to tell, but by a male adult I trusted enough to attempt to tell as well.(I didn't do a good job because that question scared me but it is what it is.) I've never identified with the term lesbian because I'm not and even if I did, me being LGBTQ+ doesn't give someone a reason to have touched me, who was a young child, inappropriately But apparently I'm trans, that singular & miniscule aspect about my identity makes it that much easier for others to feel comfortable dismissing CSA.

When I told my best friend, about my girlfriend at the time SA-ing me. I wasn’t surprised when he told me it couldn’t happen. Even though I was literally clawing and screaming for her to get off. I brought up to him about his time when he was taking advantage of by a woman. And he pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about. That interaction wasn’t a surprise to me unfortunately. What was a surprise was when I told my female friends, how they all downplayed it, one laughed, others tried to see it from my abusers perspective. Try to diminish what happened to me in comparison to what happened to women. After that, I became desensitized to it all. Why bother? Why bring up that? I’ve been punched multiple times before by a partner. Somehow, it becomes a zero sum game where I can’t suffer because others suffer.

Was raped when i was 22/23 when i was with my ex girlfriend. Didn’t even think it was at first even though i had said no so Many times and was super high at the time (we were smoking some weed) and her friend had fallen asleep in the back of my car. The whole time i felt disgusting and wanted it to stop and after it happened i felt embarrassed. Being 6’4 and 220 people and myself assumed that because im physically big that it didn’t/couldn’t happen and didn’t count but it really fucked me up. Now i am more open with it in order to help other men reinforce their physical and sexual boundaries and it’s not okay for women to touch them without consent.

The thing that makes me uncomfortable the most, was the Family Guy jokes, especially because they make Peter's experience so fucking realistic and it honestly disgusts me

I got SA'd by a close friend in high school. When I tried to tell a (different) close friend I was laughed at and told to man-up. That moment threw me hard into toxic masculinity. And as a non-binary person that was playing "man" at the time, being pushed even farther into the facade of masculinity was extremely detrimental. The only reason I've been able to start processing this as an adult is because of my amazing wife. Her being an incredibly safe person has allowed all those suppressed emotions to start coming up again. That, in turn, has allowed me to start seeing real success in therapy.

My first sexual experience was being raped. I thought I was into it, I thought I was supposed to enjoy it, all friends congratulated me that I finally "got some", It took me years to finally admit to myself what happened. I never talked about it and shut down. It's taken me fucking years to rebuild me perception of sex because of it. Thank you for making this.

I’m a male MSSA (Mother-son s-xual assault) and COCSA (child on child s-xual assault) victim. I am still a teen, and I can’t speak up about either one, because I wouldn’t be taken seriously and if my mother found out, it would get worse. So I have to wait until I move out to finally speak up. I’m glad more people are speaking on this and I hope everyone who can relate, is getting better.

Happened to me when I was 25 . 32 now, tried to end it all, ended up in a mental health facility. Finally told my therapist and psychiatrist, only two people that know. Day by day I guess. Still hurts internally every day.

This video is reminding me of that story from last year where 31yo female teacher in Florida got pregnant from her 14yo (I think) student, and not only was this not even addressed as r**e, she got off with only house arrest AND the kid has to pay child support when he turns 18 (I forget whether the payments only start when he's 18 or he also has to pay for all the time that the child is alive while he's still a minor). And the screwed-up thing is this isn't the only time this has happened.

Immediately thought of Madonna kissing Drake and he clearly looked unsafe and uncomfortable… “but he’s a man” “we all thought it was funny” “he’s down to do anything, he’s a little sassy”… he looked distraught and unsafe.. if he was a white woman we would identify that emotion and feeling quicker.. due to him being a Black man, I just don’t think anyone was leading with empathy in that moment.

This is a video that needed to be made. Thank you for your good work.

I really love that you're out here talking about the things that most people leave unsaid. My first s*xual experience was not consensual, and as I grew up in an extremely sheltered environment, I had no idea what was happening to me or why things ended up being pinned on me in the end. Yes, the majority of perpetrators with SA are men. But it can happen to anyone. And in my case, I was taken advantage of by my girlfriend at the time. I had to bear the burden of being blamed for the entire thing, as if it were somehow my fault. My own father believed her over me, and I was shunned by everyone in the youth group at my southern baptist church that I went to at the time. I had to talk to the pastor to explain why I did something I didn't do, and hear how "my actions" could have damaged the church's reputation when I was the one who didn't know what was happening when I was taken advantage of. I heard so much of "it takes two to tango" or "so you're telling me she did this? You're a man, you wanted it more than she did" when it couldn't have been further from the truth. It's so important to realize that SA/SV can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or societal role.

As a female victim of sexual assault i cannot imagine the pain of feeling like i can't confide in my same sex friends like men

I'm a large, powerful man who takes shit from nobody. I've had a woman ignore direct no's from me. Even tho she couldn't force me, it still traumatized me.

Honestly, I feel so bad because I used to be the type of person to laugh at these types of jokes, so thanks for people like you who are willing to educate the public about issues like this

Maybe you should ask yourself a real question. Why is nobody talking about all the female teachers that predate on young school boys? It happens more often than you think, yet nobody ever reports on it.

It's so crazy and sad that male victims also face not being taken seriously and ignored. From what I've heard/seen, if the attacker is a man, "Why didn't you fight him off?" or "Well, you're gay, so..." If the attacker is a woman, it's "Ha! Women can't rape men" or "Wait, you didn't like or want it?" This shit has to stop. Victims need to be supported and taken seriously.

I was SA'd at the age of 18 and was straight up victim blamed by my boss when I had reported the incident. The person who did it was a 27 year old female coworker, I was friendly to her as I was with everyone, and was told the incident happened because I was "flirting" and led her on (im gay, i did no such thing). I had to leave a job I loved due to the discomfort and shame. That was when I learned patriarchy has a negative impact on ALL of us, not just women. And I'm glad you touched on the fact it isn't to take away from female victims, but for us to all recognize patriarchy hurts us all (obviously women especially). But it's an important thing to really drill into people's heads. SA/SV is SA/SV period, great video

We need more of these conversations.

thank you for giving anyone who can relate to this issue a voice and the attention they deserve

I went to a circus act the other night that advertised itself as “R rated”. It was spooky and dangerous and there was cussing etc. but at one point, they got a volunteer for a knife throwing act (they didn’t actually throw knives at the volunteer). And even though a lot of women raised their hand, they chose a man. This was likely because as a joke they groped him a few times on stage (???) and I thought to myself “oh, that’s why they chose a man, cause they couldn’t do that to a woman” After watching this video, I am ashamed to just realize hey, why exactly is it ok that they did it to a man??? Now, I don’t know if maybe they got his consent first or whatever. I messaged the company, no response yet. But like, even if he did… how did they get his consent? Was he coerced? When it happened, everyone laughed and I laughed but not so much because it was funny, but because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. But that volunteer…. He had his junk grabbed in front of an entire audience. Is he okay? Like…… did I just watch someone become a victim of SA… and it took this video for me to realize it?

its sad how male r.pe isnt taken serious especially by men themselves. Its so sad and horrifying to see

Wishing all SA and R victims wonderful justice this April. Thank you for sharing your stories, we believe you

RU-vid recommendations once again with a banger. Loved the video

Part of why its taken so lightly also is because men themselves play it down. I know i def see it when it comes to male children and adult female predators. Its so crazy

Knowing men who have silenced themselves from their experiences and survivors of prison assault this video is extremely touching and well done

I really appreciate the fact that you are placing this theme on the table and making awareness of a social problem like this one

I just wanna hug all those abused men that were laughed at and tell him that what they did wasn’t his fault and no means no… he doesn’t “always want it” bc tbh women can be just as despicable and bc they’re women they aren’t seen as threats… it’s the man’s job to get him off of her and they are the same people who never been through it… keep your head up, kings 🤴🏻🤴🏼🤴🏽🤴🏾🤴🏿

Thank you for the video for the video. I'm a black man who was a victim of S.A. by a family friend and only in the last couple of years have I realized that it was wrong to happen. Thank you for this video. It means a lot.

I'm an old dude, and I know people from previous generations were in no way more thoughtful than this new generation is. If anything, each generation is getting smarter.

This made me think about how even stories involving a male experiencing sa, written in a very serious and sensitive manner, are turned into a joke. Invincible, in the comics is a survivor and victim of R*** by a woman (sorry, spoilers) and when the female character is introduced in the show, there was an influx of guys online referring to Mark (invincible) as "lucky" or that they "were looking forward to that scene"

This is probably the most well spoken and impactful videos I have seen about this topic. Amazing work, thank you

i was walking home late. i had gotten off the bus from my friend's house. he followed me for five blocks. the conversation started simple enough, what i was listening to, oh i like video games too, what if you came over to my place for a bit. i politely declined but he was persistent. he was practiced too because he knew how to wittle another male down until they acquiesced. when he got his chance, he held me against the wall of the catholic school on my block. a car drove past but i couldn't feel my voice rise to scream for help. i was frozen in pure shock. i was 17. SV doesn't care how manly you are, someone will still render you helpless and take what they want from you. Talking about it is the first step towards Ending SV.

as a male SA survivor whos perpetrator was a woman i find it so upsetting that we tell men they don't talk about there feelings enough but then undermined male trauma and emasculate them for it

Pop Culture Detective made two awesome video essays about this exact topic Like this so people see it

I was SA by girls back in 9th grade who knew I was gay and they called me their side piece and actively tried to violate me, I defended myself by getting them away from me and I’m the bad guy?????? She had a boyfriend too and she was popular. Some other guys were jealous of me like????

End SV I'm a very large, strong male presenting person. The number of times I've been SA'd by people who think I'm just cool with being groped or assaulted is depressing. Its hurt my ability to enjoy intimacy with people. Thank you for talking on this.

I was molested and threatened with being SA by a woman when I was 9, the memory was so painful I locked it away until 2 years ago, and just remembering it made me have a panic attack. Even though it causes me pain, nobody in my close family circle knows about it, I feel like I have no right of burdening them with this knowledge, that I should just move on, keep it to myself, even if I still carry some of the trauma, even when I didn't remember, I still get PTSD whenever I felt someone touching my legs, eventually I will get therapy and get help, I want this pain to end with me.

Thank you for using good sources that are well backed, argument on good evidence is the best argument

I find that this conversation of sexual assault towards men often comes from a place of hatred towards women and is used as a tool to negatively affect everyone. This video was a great example of how to actually address this and speak about it.

One of my friends whos no longer with us got SA'd by a woman when he was 15, then that woman spread rumors about how it was actually her that got SA'd. Dude's life was ruined by someone else by someone older than him, and even now despite everything being proven false and hes not even around anymore, hes still called the perpetrator, not the victim. Its so fucked that so many women have gotten away with SAing men and even other women.

I've never been raped yet i get so triggered with the topic... The violation makes me sick to my 🤬 stomach...

It amazes me how content like this is free. Phenomenal analysis; I wish I could give more!

So glad to finally see someone bring up the Kanker Sisters. For too long that seemingly went unnoticed and I finally realized what they were doing upon rewatching that exact same episode you showed a clip from when I was in high school.