Many narcissistic parents target and take away sources of the scapegoat child’s happiness. 

Then if you lie to keep them at bay So they think your miserable so they leave you alone then they use that as part of their mental abuse to say you are the manipulator And if you fall in with an abusive partner and they end up using it against you as a sadistic way of punishing you just like the parent But you have to have a partner that understands the abuse and why you are so private so it’s not like you can hide why you avoid the mother

Indeed. Sending you love!

Probably not with them. We have to move out

I completely understand!

Yeah, the flying monkeys multiply the abuse many times over. We will become whole and happy again.

Rules are different for women/girls. They probably expected you to need a man to move out. You defied them

Omg that sounds so familiar!!! It’s all so twisted. Congrats on the house and enjoy every minute knowing you deserve your special safe space!!!

Omc, that is my dream! That is incredible! Wtf? Woah, they really are narcissists. Congratulations! 💙 and I feel you, had something similar for other accomplishments.

I have cousins like this and a lot of random people that are probably flying monkeys. Don't resort to substance abuse when a narcissist is the cause of the problem

Yup. I feel u

Me too 😊

A word

Me too!! It also makes room to attract other horrible narcissist to bombard and stalk which happens to me. They come out of nowhere and all the sudden I started to feel gaslight

We will heal. The narcissist has unlimited energy to devote to ruining our lives, but we're onto them and are working on ourselves. It is now safe to be happy

Please get therapy

This sounds all too familiar

Im sorry. I get it. You are not alone

Yup. Mine decided to wreak 20 years of emotional, marital, familial, physical, and financial havoc simply bc they can’t fathom anyone else having feelings 😮 I wish it were illegal

My mom would do things like take away my drawings and tear them. Throw my pets outside the house or beat them. Tears my new clothes. Even stops me from ordering my favorite food or taking away my snacks. Even gets mad at me when l do self Care like skin care or showering or styling my hair or doing makeup. I'm turning 20 next month but the wounds are still open.

@@justmyself7135 I feel that on a personal level, I still remember clearly how my father threw my rabbit out of the house because I was waiting on my friend to finish showering so we could play with her. Apparently to him I was taking too long so instead he took the rabbit and threw it outside- my father would also wreck my room if I was too out of line or he would belittle my hobbies even after he used it to praise me to his coworkers and neighbors-

@@JustA3r0 omg I'm sorry 😞. My mom used to abuse my pets and my older brother who also turned out to be abusive he would choke my cat and put him in the freezer for few seconds until he started screaming. My mom would also cut my hair or threatened to cut it and make me hold the hair she cut in my hand and say sorry for what? For playing with my dolls for too long.she even would punish me if l share my toys or give them to other kids. They just hate seeing that their children did not turn out to be monsters like them .

@@JustA3r0 l also relate to being belittled after being praise as a kid . They do that because we used to give them narcissistic supply when we were kids but as we get older and distance ourselves they try to diminish any possibility of us becoming our own individuals. They start to see our hobbies and interests even our relationships outside as a threat because we no longer cling onto them for approval. also depending on your gender sometimes they see their adult children as competition so when you're dad sees that your better than him at something or when the mother sees that her daughter gets more attention than her they get what's called "ego injury" .

Isn’t He Good!

Amen! 🙏

They never change, they only get worse with age. Sad!

​@@A.M.6795 yep. My dad did this same thing with a friend of mine whom he met for 5 minutes. This was while I was moving out. He felt the need to tell my friend of 10 years the truth about me.

Wow true they never change they will continue their abuse and we see their lies more clearly now...

​@ASMRyouVEGANyet yep. My mom tried that and I found out that's because they feel they are losing control of you so they need some people to side with them against you....even if those people are your friends. Smh

His videos are so helpful! I've watched a lot of different channels and his has really helped me the most!

Smh 🤦🏾‍♀️ I can relate!

My parents would've latched on to that talking too much because it would've validated any negative feelings they subconsciously had about me. I feel like some parents don't or can't scapegoat their kid because they need some justification for themselves and then as soon as you do one or two things wrong that's justification for them and they start targeting their kid like nobody's business

@@leahflower9924 Your comment is very insightful and I think it applies to my past. My abuse was mostly subtle. I was not openly scapegoated and called names like many are. It is like they needed excuses. I was a good conscientious kid. My biggest crime was being an introvert as my mother thought of herself as being an extrovert. My parents had a real reason to move but isn't it odd that this happened soon after my report card said I was talking too much. That didn't fit my weird introvert label at all. Hmmm.

It probably wasn't because of that. It's a lot of money and energy to move.

Agree. They literally don't want their own kids to br happy.

Amen.

Mine did.

I’m sorry So cruel I get it

Same here, both siblings and parents can’t point out a a simple truth oh take it down because of stupid reputation like just admit that we need to reach out and get therapy

Your story is simmilar to mine. I feel you. You are not alone❤️ We have been told so many lies about ourselves. About who we really are. Sending you a big hug🤗

My mother was very similar. By the time i was an adult i was sure i was disgusting, flawed, selfish, failure, etc. At 63 - i see clearly how she completely projected her evil and terrible true self image forwards on to her daughter. What a terrible waste of time and life. We all lose.

💜 😭 I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please dedicate your life to helping yourself heal and feel truly good and experience great joys~ you deserve it 💯.

You have a lot of work to do to recover from this! Your father needs many years of intense therapy to even begin to be slightly normal. I hope you heal and find all the joy that awful man stole from you all these years.

​@@user-kl8lo6rj5i I might feel like I'll never be ok, but when I first arrived here in 2019, I was physically ill and so traumatized that I was just coming out of astress induced psyhotic break, my active memory wasn't longer than 14 seconds, I spent most of my dissociated from what was happeing around me. I was missing more chunks of time than I was present for. I was in constant pain from flashbacks. I got myself here in a Greyhound bus. Everything that I owned was in two back packs and two gym bags and about $100-. When I was on the bus here, I didn't just see it as running from something bad. I knew that I was traveling to city that would be my new home. I'd had to leave my winter coat behind because it didn't fit in my bags. I had to leave two weeks worth of food for the same reason, but I am glad that I was able to give it to another servivor who really needed it. I managed to get my life back in order while I was in that condition. I haven't felt sorry for myself. I was angry and disapointed with my family and violent ex husband who they valued over me, but I didn't feel sorry for myself. Only intensly resolved to turn this new county into my home and make sure that they can never find me. When I think that I will never know what it is like to be a normal happy person, I remember that I am 75% better than when I arrived and that I am still going in that same direction. My capacity for happiness is at least 75% better. I celebrate the aniversery of my freedom every year. It reminds me of how much I have accomplished and that I am capable of accomplishimg more. I am looking forward to more happiness and more healing, but until then, I am happy to be where I am. I have a fully furnished apartment. It isn't big, but it feels like a palace. I feel empowered and capable. I have complex PTSD, autism, ADD, bipolar and until recently I had Disssociative Identity Disorder and still made this happen for myself. An aknowledgment of strenghth and a pat on the back feels good, but I would never want anyone to feel sorry for me. I have made myself safe and I am walking tall. I wish that people who have disabilities would believe that they have a lot more potential than they are given credit for. To set thier own golas and to reach for them. After years of hoping that someone would come into my life and save me, I found out that I am the only person capable of being the hero that I was waiting for. I am the only person who will never give up on myself and it good to be that for ourselves as much as we can. When it comes to the person who posed as my father, I know that no ammount of therapy would make him feel remorse. He is still tearing down my reputaion even though I have been gone for years. When I left, he was still hitting my brother. He should spend the rest of his life in prison. I might write a book about it and send him a copy after it has published, so that he knows that I broke his most important rule. I told the world what he did and there is nothing that he can do to me for it. It wouldn't change him and I wouldn't be there to see what that does to him, doing it would be enough and I think that such a book could raise awareness of domestic violence and child abuse. I think that such a book, could inspire other servivors and let them know that they not alone. Thank you so much for your kind words. It is always good to hear them.

I wanted to go underground it had gotten so bad about 2 1/2 years ago. I wanted to change my name and ss no. So she couldn't find me. But then I thought I'm not losing my identity over her that may mean she's won and I'm not letting that happen.

Is she actually a narcissist? Or does she just make inappropriate comments at awkward times?

@@ASMRyouVEGANyet she does this often...... This was her apology from five+ years ago.... She was telling my husband it was his "destiny" to take care of his dad with dementia.... Someone MIL divorced when my husband was still in diapers, and never was around when my husband grew up. Yet MIL laid it down on my husband hard that it was his "destiny" to take care of his dad. He had tried taking care of his dad, but it really stressed him out to the point where he lost his job, we almost lost our house, we lost health insurance and couldn't get state health insurance because my husband made too much before he lost his job, with no insurance I had nothing to help me manage the chronic pain AND our son almost lost his foot due to an infection (long story), AND my husband started having suicidal idealations.... Hell, I wanted to dissapear, and had suicidal idealations! Yet, even with ALL of that, MIL persisted, it is his destiny to take care of his dad .... She still lays guilt trips on us to this very damn day! For me, I hear a lot of, "I wish you had a high pain tolerance like MY family", "I have a bit of arthritis, it can't be that bad", "My niece has Fibromyalgia, you can't have it too"..... On and on and on...... When my husband was living with and taking care of his dad, the in-laws completely ghosted my son and I..... My family live out of state, but they did send care packages and money of they could afford to. The in-laws, silence, nothing.... My son was in sophomore and senior year in HS during all this. I don't drive because I have chronic pain issues. I cannot even work. MIL took it apon herself to lie and gossip to the other in-laws family that I was faking the pain I was in, and that I "never" had a hard childhood, never abused, and I am making it all up so that I "ruin" my husband's "destiny" of taking care of his dad....... The first post I wrote was some sort of sudo apology? One day, when my husband was living with and taking care of his dad, and my son and I were taking care of each other, since the in-laws who live in the same city ghosted us, came over while I was having a pain flare (pain levels 10, not able to move, felt like an alien birthing out of my head), and MIL came over to berate me... Telling me how I had this "wonderful" childhood, and my stepdad "never" beat me or abused me, and was actually kind. How my dad "never" molested my sister. How my parents just divorced because they didn't love each other anymore. How I need to stop pretending and "ruining" her son's "destiny" to take care of his dad (her x-husband)..... I was in sooo much pain, laying on the couch, ice pack on my head, heating pad on my back, dripping sweat due to all the pain, and all I could do was cry and mouth, "no", because talking even hurt..... My son, who was in his room doing homework, came out and got after his grandma. Told her she needed to leave cause his mom is hurting, and how dare grandma treat his mom like that....... She did end up leaving..... Then lied to my husband and told him it never happened. My husband believed her for years up until he noticed her behavior towards me during the Pandemic.... In 2019, I was diagnosed with a painful and debilitating autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis as well as Fibromyalgia and a narrow spinal canal I was born with...... Started Immunosuppressants.... During 2020-2022, MIL doubted me, and again, spread gossip that I was lying, not immunocompromised. Would come by the house banging on windows and the door, shouting, "let me in! Family can't get family sick!" She would yell that I was lying about my Autoimmune Disease and being immunocompromised. There is no such thing as an autoimmune disease or being immunocompromised. It's just allergies. And the topper, she told me my son was going to commit suicide if my husband and I didn't let him do whatever he wanted during a pandemic before vaccines were out...... Even though my son still lived with us (he is 22 right now), and was making his own decision to be careful because he didn't want to unintentionally bring covid home, and get me sick, or cause my death. It was F'ing bonkers! My husband now realizing his mom's behavior, we have placed boundaries and follow up with consequences. I could go on and on about subtle jabs, and how this woman has been towards me since my pain became chronic..... Since the pandemic, and my husband now noticing, he has also been opening up more about his child, and how his mom was covert and overtly abusive towards him.... He had stuffed it down for years, but her actions during 2020-2022 resurfaced the old bad memories.... We worked together, and made boundaries. It seems she is trying, she actually CALLS or texts before just randomly dropping by.... So, there's that..... 🤷‍♀️ BTW, the reason why she apologized.... She was talking to my mom over the phone, and told my mom how I am "pretending" to have an autoimmune disease, immunocompromised, chronic pain, and am "pretending" I had a bad childhood to "ruin" her son's "destiny" of taking care of his father with dementia. And I am "ruining" the family with my lies...... Ooooffffff...... Needless to say, my mom went OFF!!!!!!!!! We lived in a COMPLETE different state from my in-laws when I grew up...... So yeah..... My mom was livid. Tore her a new ahemmm 🐴 🕳️. Both my mom and I haven't spoken to MIL since Christmas...... The one time MIL called before randomly dropping by unannounced, she didn't want to come in because she wasn't updated on her covid vaccine, and had the 💩 for two weeks and didn't want to get me sick. Progress(?). 🤞 I feel there is some definite narcissistic behaviors in MIL, of not narcissistic, toxic as hell. *Married for 23 years by June 17th **PS come to find out later, my son also had suicidal idealations when my husband was living with and taking care of his dad (my son's grandpa), ESPECIALLY when family ghosted us. Not ok. My son had to go through therapy, and still keeps in contact with his therapist. It was messed up. Grateful we are all healing.

​@@ASMRyouVEGANyetthis was an unnecessary comment by you. And you should avoid making these comments in the future if you don't want to be an a-hole

Ground them?

@@j.c.2240 without taking things of pleasure to a child how is this done

@@Vuhjayjay68 Is this a genuine question? If so, I recommend you don't have kids. There is a massive difference between the recommended from of discipline for children and a narcissist's hostility towards their child's source of joy. If you don't understand that, don't have kids yet. It's not even a subtle difference, so I really hope you're just taking the piss.

@@j.c.2240 I have three by the way they are all just great and when they get into trouble and do stupid shit they know they aren’t supposed to do you bet your ass I target the things they like doing

@@Vuhjayjay68 And if you do this only for reasonable discipline, IE no phone for a week because you were irresponsible, you're fine. If you're consistently taking the things they enjoy or being unclear or unreasonable about your expectations, then you're doing exactly what's described and should get counseling as soon as possible, as unchecked narcissistic behavior is a really fast way to get your kids to go no contact with you.

it is the opposite. children love their parents. it is the narcissist parent that cannot love the child.

This video is referring to abusive parents who seek to sabotage/destroy every relationship, opportunity, talent or joy the child/teen/adult has for the purposes of power and control. This is not about natural reasonable consequences for bad behavior like curfews or tech breaks! He specializes in scapegoat family dynamics. I recommend watching his longer videos to understand the toxic dynamics he’s referring to. 💜

When you've been abused that's a good reason not to like your parents

It takes a lot for a parent to lose their child's love. This guy is no joke.

@@user-kl8lo6rj5i It takes even more for a child to lose the love of their parents.