Matteo Lane Spills The Tea About Michael's 

You ranting about printers to a cricut machine (not a printer) makes it extra funny.

The real gift would be to watch the 1990s Michael’s security footage of a 16 year old Matteo broadcasting, “Francesca to the yarn section, please!”.

"let's just say her name was Joann...Fabrics" lmao

Another former employee here, and this made me laugh so freakin hard! Even in California and Idaho the stealing was practically encouraged. Both my managers: "So here are the only two security cameras in the store, they're right at the front and don't actually work. Just, uh... try to be vigilant and kill 'em with kindness." ...Several beads found their way into pockets while being remarked for clearance. So shiny.

"back in my day, it was free" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I love the progression from wanting to burn the place down to buying fake lemons and calling everything cute 😂

roasting Michael's and then buying the fruitiest thing he can. This is beautiful. This is art.

Grimacing over the lavender candle and then getting caught up with the fake fruit is truly the craft store experience when you're just there to "browse"

"She's married with a pitbull" 😂

“It seems like kids just want to watch Moana seven times a day.” Between that quote and talking about printers by a Cricut machine. This is gold. 😅

An entire minute (edited down) spent fretting over and debating the aesthetics of a fake fruit purchase. Never change, Matteo.

This is the nicest Michael's I've seen. Matteo: Slags off Michael's the whole time. Also Matteo: Buys fake fruit.

I love how Mateo was fired from Michael's for stealing and then returns to the scene of the crime looking like a robber with dark sunglasses on indoors, a puffy jacket to hide stolen merch, and what could very well pass as a glue-on mustache.

They stopped selling themed cake pans because the employees stole them all. 😂😂😂 Thanks for the heads up! I'm going dumpster diving at Michael's!

“This was $45, back in my day… it was free” had me done! 😂😂

Matteo’s phrase “in their early hundreds” never fails to catch me off guard and make me teehee. Thank you Matteo

i love when i hear him say jokes again. "early hundreds" kills me every time.

One of my favorite quick jokes was when Matteo told Nikki Glaser "I dated a girl named Francesca who worked at Michael's" & she said "I dated a guy named Michael who worked at Francesca's!"

"Melting a witch." I FUCKING DIED.

$45 for some plastic fruit is bananas, no pun intended

I would love to see you and Nick making those Disney villain bead things together.

Women in their early hundreds coming to return a single bead 😂😂😂😂

I was about to post "At least Michael's is better than Hobby Lobby," and you beat me to it. Love the fruit. We need a follow-up reveal of the fruit in situ.

“Which I didn’t even need” In some universe, I’m sure the need for a Winnie the Pooh pan is dire enough to risk employment. 😂

"... and I was fired for stealing a Whinnie the Pooh cake pan."🤣🤣🤣 POV: It's hilarious EVERY time he says it!! Will NEVER get old! Absolutely GOLDEN MATERIAL!

Something about these videos is so comforting, i feel like im being dragged around this store by my friend 😂

I'd love more videos of Mateo just doing stuff in New York and sharing his thoughts with us. It's a good time.

Describing Michael’s customers as “women in their early 100’s” made me LOL. 😂

"Back in my day it was free". Matteo you wild 😆

I did a stint at Don Quijote (Japanese Walmart), where my boss(es) wanted me bagging merchandise at the cash registers or doing inventory in the back, but my favorite activity...was derping around the automotive section where I would do my all-time favorite activity of shrugging at everyone who had automotive questions and organizing Japanese car scents - the boxes were all in Hiragana/Katakana (and fortunately for me, most of the employees couldn't read Japanese), so I could read it easily and figure out which ones went where. Fortunately for me, customers were CRAZY, leaving half-eaten sammiches in the lubricant section while others carried car scents all over the market before leaving them in the grocery department, so I had fun scavenge-hunting for auto parts then organizing everything. When my boss(es) showed up looking for people to bag groceries, they'd see me doing bilingual work and leave me alone. XD

The BEST part of this adventure is at 4:54, with Matteo while totally winter dressed, raises his arms and we see that exposed furry belly! Sigh.

"The clientele, I remember they were women in their early 100s coming to return a single bead" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

the casual attitude regarding employee theft and the intense deliberation over what fake fruit to buy is very relatable

“I’m so the opposite of a hoarder” whilst holding three bags of fake fruit.

when im in my nona years i'm absolutely keeping a bowl of fake lemons on my coffee table

THIS VIDEO IS so GOOD you don't understand. like the whispering but also the brutal honesty and roasting. and then, hold on! "This is the infamous yarn section where Francesca and I broke up" like as if you are reporting live from a foreign city. yes, matteo.

I feel like you took this opportunity to reconcile your past trauma working at Michael’s 😄

watching this slowly devolve from roasting michaels to just shopping is hilarious

This was far more enjoyable than it had any right to be. 😂

I’m dying. 😂 My Sunday is complete after watching Matteo channel his inner 40 year old religious woman with 6 kids! 😆💜

This was such a mix of personal attack, nostalgia and straight truth😂😂 this was hilarious🤣 To be fair if we had any other craft store nearby I wouldn’t use Michaels but alas my crafty self is cursed to use them. I’ve also applied to work there in the past but have never so much as gotten even a F off and die rejection and honestly, I’m okay with that😂

warms my heart to know your experience working at Michaels in Chicago was pretty much identical to my first job at Joann Fabrics in Florida in 2007

Mateo calling a cricut a printer is so funny idk why😭😭 it’s so boomer coded.

This is the content I crave. I love walking around stores with my friends and this gives the same immaculate vibe

Poor Rodrigo now walks around wearing everything he owns at once 😂😂

As a former employee at a Michael's, I find this too funny! Having worked in framing can confirm it was definitely the best part of the store to work in. But Matteo what about the cinnamon scented pinecones that overwhelmed everyone when they walked in the store?! What about the singing fish & or other items that people pushed to play All Day Long?! Before you got the boot because the lure of the adorable cake pan was too much were you ever involved in the Hell that was inventory? Please do an episode about that if so, it was traumatizing!! A side note: in the store I worked at the general manager had no clue how to handle a return. He'd always just have a cashier do it for him. 😆

Let’s not breeze over your manager being named Joanne

This should literally be a Michael's Advertisement

I worked for Michaels for over 4 years.. this video was lowkey traumatic 😂💀

“For three things of fruit was $45. Back in my day it was free.” 😂💀❤

That impression of Rodrigo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤

8:34 That is why glitter is referred to as “craft herpes”. 😂

I would’ve gone to camp in a millisecond if I’d gotten to make Gen 1 Pokémon out of those plastic dots! Those kids were so lucky! 😂

Omg I’m having a boy crush moment. Jealous of the cameraman who got to walk behind and capture the view and the midriff - best late Christmas present I’ve gotten. 🤤😍😘

People who refuse to go to Hobby Lobby are the ones going to Michaels

10:28 "Back in my day, it was free..." 😆😆🤣

That "printer" will NEVER work because it is a die cutter. 😂

The 700 Club. You poor thing. That is torture.

“These fake oranges feel more sensible” 😂

“WHICH SHE WAS…right cause i got fired for stealing”

I love when Matteo talks about his crimes

4:53 (happy trail exposed) The BEST part of this video haha! 😘💕💕

Oh that's cute... Matteo calling the Cricut a "printer." x)

Omigods the 45 second version of the breakup story is EVERYTHING ❤

“are we being watched” literally standing in front and of a security monitor

I keep on coming back to watch these videos cause I can’t get enough of the sweet squeaky laughs that the cameraman cannot contain. So adorable!!!

Omg. Talks about being the opposite of a hoarder and trying to toss out husband’s shirt cause it’s not being used all while walking around the store with a mitt full of fake fruit ready to be purchased....lol This guy’s the best!!!

Your like the old single Tia that takes care of her mom and complains all the time lol I love it

I’m an artist living in Ireland and I would think I died and went to heaven if I walked into a place like Michael’s. We have art shops but they’re typically tiny.

Knowing that Matteo Lane worked at the Michaels in the town where I grew up made my day 😭

Laughing out loud to Matteo while I shovel snow in north Idaho on a Sunday afternoon THANK YOU MATTEO!

Omg the cricut "printer" 😂 My love that is not a printer ❤

When you said, "When I saw this bucket, I thought about melting a witch." I spat out my coffee and thought, same. "Friends of Dorthy".

As a former retail loss prevention investigator- I loved everything about this!

Matteo picking out fake fruit is me making any decision 😂so relatable

Brilliant review of Michael's, way better than Hobby Lobby! 😂

*Spot on impression of Hobby Lobby* @10:22

That's not a printer. It cuts things out so you can make stuff. Who needs that? Mormon moms? I don't know.

My younger sister works at a Michaels and everything you've said is SO VALID!!!

Lol “This isn’t gonna *snaps above head* WERK!!!

The scariest thing in this video actually was the low 10 ft. ceilings... I've never been to a Michaels/HL where it wasn't a giant department store with those two story ceilings. City living here, I guess! But it felt claustrophobic. x)

one of my favorite summertime activities is to pop an eddie and go aisle by aisle through my local michael’s. they’re always air conditioned and almost always deserted at 1:30pm on a Tuesday.

I feel personally attacked. A good portion of my wedding was created from the Michael’s wedding aisle. 😆

Omg I can't stop laughing, this was the best 😂! Michael's was always the start of a great idea that never got followed through with, tons of money spent on supplies that eventually got shoved in a bin in the garage. So you can feel less bad about stealing as I bought enough junk to cover their losses from a few theiving crafters 😜 And I ALWAYS forgot my coupons at home.😆 ❤Meg

"back in my day, it was free". Lordy, i adore you.

That is the most organized and clean Michael's I've ever seen.

"Back in my day it was free" LOLLOLLOL Hilarious

bro I think you were getting real all over the store lmfao 😂

Why is he accusing the Cricut machine of being a printer? That's like me accusing Matteo of being a Top...oop

I LOVE this Michael's. That escalator ride of shame is just long enough to wonder why you think you need whatever you are about to buy...

There are so many moments of this video that share spiritual DNA with Coco Peru’s videos I feel. 👏👏👏

Omg!!! The bucket and melting a witch!! You just made me laugh and feel so damn old!!!😊

Former Michael's framer here.... lmao gods bless you and this hilariously relatable content 😂❤

8:33 "ur slow" in the background 😂😂😂

love the polish slander, im polish and I find it hilarious

0:59 Please welcome to the stage: ✨✨Joanne Fabrics ✨✨

Happy New Year Matteo. Just wanted to pipe in here at the 56 sec mark. I was the Custom Framing Manager for Michael's here in Reno for 8 out of my 16 years with the company. And looking over your shoulder at that Frame shop, I'd have to say I'd have pitched an absolute fit if any of my framers left my sample wall looking that tore up. LOL Of course we had 20 times the amount of samples on our wall at that time, and I'm a hopeless "Virgo"... (Edit for 4:54) in the words of Shenzi, "Ooo, do it again, it tingles me"...LOL

I love how you go in Michael’s and can’t resist buying fake fruit 🍎 and end up shopping 😂🤣

I love every one of our videos, Matteo, and do a little happy Snoopy dance each time I find a new one here on RU-vid!

Matteo in truest form - we love you so much 🥰