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Absolutely.I am not even going to lisen to this...apply these 4 rules and they will respect you..imagine.I have to wonder about this man,too..the nerve of it all.As if we care.Anyway,who needs them.
*A man that's disrespectful, cannot be turned into a respectful one!* This is so so important to understand! If a man is dishonest, you can be as lovely and caring as you want, praise him and treat him like your king, but if his value compass is deeply flawed, he will cheat and lie no matter what. I think it's important not to ignore those signs early on because they're definitely there. Took me years to learn this. Really inspired by this video to create something for my own channel.
Not All People Not All Men. There are still good great guys out there. Is like Not All Womens are like that so with that being said there are exceptions out there that will change modify behaviors
@@blingblingnelida I think I may have caused a confusion with that comment. I definitely don't think that all men are dishonest, cheaters or liars. Absolutely not. There are so many brilliant men out there. And I think the person has to look into themselves if they keep attracting the cheating type.
80% of women, are fighting for 20% top men in online dating (according to statistics). Women need to understand all fighting for "best men" is just trowing themselves to "too good to be true" men. Care less about good looking and tall men earning a lot, with high self confidence, and give a chance to good-enough men with a good heart. I am not talking about all women. Just 80 - 20 = 60% of them.
"My core values and boundaries are always more important than getting attention from a man I happen to have feelings for" 🙏 wish I saw this video years ago....
So true😭 I left one city to come to live with him, then later on, he said you shouldn’t have. And showed more signs of disrespect, telling me to clean the flat during the first week of living with him, making me to. Although he was a student at that time and I was working and cooking and baking. He was going to be a pilot, I kept clinging to his future status, but he was younger and so immature with mother issues. He said that he loved me, we had several dates, I decided to come and live with him for a holiday month in my home town, rented a flat, but the landlord said only extended stay for 6 months. I said ok and so started our living. With lots of issues, now divorced. Every time I got ill, he wanted to leave. Said I love him too much, was avoidant, that broke my heart, I distanced myself, in the end he said that I didn’t love him🤦I developed anxiety disorder in this marriage, had lots of health issues, he got tired of it, went to a psychologist and whined her about me. They started to “set his boundaries”, after that he injured my arm severely in a fight. He said he was setting his boundaries. He and psychologist were making the new version of him🤦said that he had worked through his mother issue trauma with me and I killed a man inside him, although before the relationship he was prone to depression and self-deprecation. I lost 5 kilos within 5 months of divorce period. Absolutely shattered. He walked out on me a year after the wedding blaming me for being ill. He did so the second and final time now 8 years later. F... him. We used to be close friends which childhood traumas. Traitor.
I told him how I felt, he said he wasn't interested but that he wanted to stay friends. At first I agreed but then told him it will not work, because I was too attached and didn't want the pain of hoping for something that will never happen. Also, I told him I want to be available for the one that will want to invest in me. He was super considerate and treated me like a gentleman. I know he cares about me and I love his heart. Even though it hurts and difficult to accept, God used him to show me that there are still good guys out there. Through him I learned to speak up, be volnerable and express my heart. I am grateful for him and wish him all the best. I know God has someone for me.
Why open yourself if from the start there is no reciprocation?😐 pointless no offense. Make a man be a man. Let them do what is their nature. Make them do an effort. So have a hobby and wait for that man to come.
I dated a guy who was late for every date for 3 years. He was late to go to my sister’s wedding so I left and did the 2 hour drive myself. I finally broke up with him that fall. Needless to say, I married somebody else. Like Brian said, you cannot make a cat bark like a dog.
Lateness drives me crazy. I can understand if someone is late once in a blue moon; stuff happens - but not over and over again. If someone is always late, that’s his or her way of saying that their time is more valuable than yours. That doesn’t fly with me. I’m glad you broke it off and found someone else.
@@cak8132no, that’s a very common misconception. ADHD and severe anxiety can both cause chronic lateness. Google “time blindness.” It’s a feature of ADHD. Ask me how I know.
@@calisongbirdrue. So true. Moreover people who are absent- minded and dreamy in a way can be late. I remember I was late even at school just because I was always carried away by some interesting things before I left home or distracted by an exciting cartoon. But, knowing my issue, I CAN be on time, and it’s usually one hour Before the Estimated time of arrival. Going to extremes is another trait of an idealist
I did the the thing you said with a guy, he was 30 minutes late, so I was leaving just when he arrived, I left him in the bar alone. I felt really good about my choice. That's just one of many cases of disrespect I had to deal with men to understand my value as a person. Now I'm in a healthy relationship because I spoke from the beginning and let him know exactly what I want and what my boundaries are.
You see this boundary stating at the beginning of every relationship with safe it more than anything. You get to know the dos and don'ts early and respect it so no problem will arise in future.
Here's the thing: if I have to teach you to respect me, there's 1. a problem with you and 2. a problem with the way your parents raised you. I am not your mommy. If you are not mature enough to respect another person, then you are probably not mature enough to be in the dating pool. That said, there are too many immature men out there who don't understand the assignment. I am going to stay single and safe. And at peace.
Sadly most men treat women differently... Based on what you allow... Bitter truth... And it is most of them that are like that. Just a golden few respect all women
There are different types of women. Men who believe in us a sex & ego servants shall get the eye twitch from society. -The world I willfully speak into existence.
@@emmanuellathomas3487 I think it’s also fair to say that men are more action based. So when they see a woman act fine with anything he does, then she must actually be fine with it. The same way women are the opposite and tend to listen to words. “He said he loves me so why was he so rude?” She’s not looking what he did but what he said. A guy hears a woman say “I’m really mad that you’re late” and then she waited the half hour and still tried to act like a perfect girlfriend that accommodates him. Is she really that upset? Does she really feel that way? She’s not acting like it at all. That’s usually why men respect some women and not others. They perceive action as how you truly feel. Not words.
Some men are really good with treated strangers kindly and respectful yet do the opposite for their partner. They want to portray to the public they are great
My ex husband was like that. So sweet to others but nasty to me. Older and wiser women always caught on. More than a few told him off in front of me. They helped give me the strength to divorce him.
Yes my dad this while married to my mom - he was Mr Wonderful to everyone else but he neglected my mom and when she complained he beat her! Then he later cheated on her at which time she filed for divorce, then he told people she was crazy and had mental problems! What an ass!!
There's only 1 rule and it applies for EVERYONE! People who respect themselves will always respect others no matter what. Even if they don't agree or like the person, they'll respect him/her but just choose to keep them at a distance or not associate with them. Judge no one.
I vehemently disagree with everything you said. First of all... "Judge no one." I truly despise it when people say this, while it sounds all virtuously good-hearted, the truth is that it is impossible NOT to judge people. Not only is it impossible, but it's a necessary requirement to make judgement calls about people, how else are you supposed to discern the difference between those who are good people with good intentions vs those who are problematical people with bad intentions. So, frankly that is a moot hypothesis, and it's a grossly disingenuous one at that. Secondly. "People who respect themselves will always respect others no matter what." With all due respect, that is a horrendously erroneous postulation. People with narcissistic tendencies tend to have an enormous amount of genuine respect for themselves. Some will argue that it is their exaggerated self inflated ego that masks itself as self-respect. Either way - folks with NPD are notorious for being highly disrespectful of others. Moreover, some say that "respect is something that must be earned". I agree with that notion only in regards to the respect that we have for ourselves. You see, every time we chose action over ease, we develop an increasing level of self-worth, self-confidence, thereby earning respect for thyself. I believe that having respect for others, should always be the default. Now it's true that one who lacks personal boundaries invites the lack of respect from others. I think that the key is, to learn respect and honor the complications of other peoples lives. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way that you want to be talked to.
@@KelleyBroussardMackaig speak for yourself. It's very possible not to judge people. It's a choice. If you're still weak at controlling your own weaknesses and insecurities that u must project, because that's pretty much what judging is, then work on it. But don't say it's unattainable. If u have nothing nice to say don't. Another good habit to practice to avoid judging. It's hard work girl so get on it rather than just negating everything lol. Sorry you're still in that negative space tho.
That's naive at best. That's like saying follow the Golden Rule; do unto others as you'd have done unto you. Well, many are sadists and they would love it if you hurt them so their Golden Rule is not yours. Also, many believe women are second class citizens and should be covered from head to toe and it would be disrespectful to them if a woman showed any part of herself, even her face. In their Golden Rule she deserves to be killed if she disobeys. Their religious books tells them so. Same with all the other all male religions - it would be disrespectful to their God if they didn't harm women and keep them "obedient" and under "vows." Also, you HAVE to judge to have common sense. You look down a dark alley full of peeps that scare you, you chose to take the well lit route. You get the creeps while standing next to someone, you make a judgment call to leave. Sooooo many married couples are swing couples, most think, oh you're married, only you two, go to a party and it's chock full of "upstanding" citizens buck naked saying let's swing, you make a judgment call to stay or leave. There are oodles of situations every hour of everyday that we have to judge. Should I hire this person, should I go to this school, do I like the teacher, you judge everyone every single day along with every place, situation and task to be done. Be well and take care :)
@@KelleyBroussardMackaig 100% agree. And I’m a guy. A mature one at that. Without evaluating other ppl, plus how we interact with them, we’ll walk blind through life. And be targets for those who are users & abusers. Anyone who says differently is not wise.
To women out there who are watching this video and trying to apply it to their life. A man (or a woman) who treats others with respect from the perspective that they should gain his (her) respect are really not the one. Good people respect others regardless of certain conditions. They treat them respectfully because they are human beings. And everyone deserves to be respected. Right now if you are trying to gain somebody's respect, is it really worth it?
Don't try to gain anyone's respect--I don't think that's Brian's point anyway. He's saying respect yourself and wait for the man who values that in you. The truth is, even if I have a generic respect for everyone because they are people, I respect some people more--and trying to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect themselves is not fun (so I don't entirely blame men who walk away from women who are needy or don't respect themselves). Bad men use a woman's lack of self-respect against her--to get things they have no right to. Good men often just walk away.
S. J. : My ex used to tell me that respect should be earned and not given. I was brought up to be respectful of others. But he wasn't respectful of me. That's why we're divorced now.
A woman needs to respect herself first in order for a man to respect you. It’s not always this way but usually. If a woman doesn’t respect herself with her actions and words the man most likely won’t respect her
I had a guy I was interested in many years ago say, hey, do you want to go out sometime? My response was sure. Bad response. He never actually asked me out. The correct response would have been, What do you have in mind? and wait for a solid invite. A solid invite would at the very least include a date and time to meet. If he doesn’t provide that info then don’t agree to anything. This type of man just wanted an ego stroke. Watch out for these types. Never agree to a date without actually being invited on one. Vague people that cause confusion are a red flag and you need to walk away.
I agree with watching out for behaviors that suggest those motives. However, it seems to me that your specific criterion is just really confusingly & unrealistically nitpicky (not to mention ableist & likely pragmatically classist, given how many people don't get exposure to or don't intuitively understand whatever social norms & roles you're drawing on ideologies about). :/ I have it relatively easy since people with the female-person version of autism generally catch a break on social skills, & I'm a passably socially likeable person, but I would _never_ intuit this expectation from someone unless they said it unambiguously to me. (& yeah I do get how if you have to ask for a behavior then it doesn't matter because their compliance may be disingenuous -- I relate to this frustrating irony about communicating expectations to guys lol -- but I'm not arguing here that you or anyone shouldn't have preferences like that & care about the behavior ... I'm just arguing that snapping to judging people's motives over it seems really hasty). I mean, do you just expect dudes to magically know that you want them to take that much initiative with proposing a fully formed plan? (To me & I'm sure many others, naming a time & date requires having a prospective plan formed ... I can't just toss out arbitrary suggestions lol my brain doesn't allow for it.) What if they think you might want the question to be open-ended? What if they're used to different preferences or norms? What if they're wildly overthinking trying to ask you for a date & are afraid to come on too strong with it & are getting awkward? Like, yeah, watch out for guys with the kinds of lazy motives you described, the ones who mostly just want the Emotional Support Side Chick/the "at least _someone_ wants me" effect, I TOTALLY feel that one ... But I don't think it's reasonable or productive to use that specific/finite/subjective a standard for slapping that label on someone so fast.
@@ItsAsparageese I don’t expect a dude to have a fully formed plan when he asks me if I want to go out with him, but when he initiates a date and I accept, and he tells me he will follow up with me, I expect him to follow through with it (as the initiator). I saw him on a regular basis at work and there was plenty of time for him to follow up. I later learned he was quite the womanizer. His actions showed a lack of integrity on his part, and my expectations for him to follow up are not abnormal. I am not sure why you are so invested in defending him but a lack of integrity by him does not make me classist. The social norms in my culture would have been for him to follow up since he asked me out.
I had a friend. Along the way I noticed that he was the sweetest towards his mother, sisters and other female family members. While with me he was rude, disrespectful and even took his mother's side when she was rude to me. I had to take her bad talking because "that is how my mother is". If I had to say something about his mother or siblings we ended with a quarrel. I ended this friendship by taking back my space and left them all for who they are. I am not willing to deal with crab
Well done and well said. I was once in a very similar situation. I’m free of it now. The things I put up with in that relationship always made me upset. He was a different person with family and totally rude and disrespectful to me. I feel so liberated now!
Probably a narcissist dynamic. I saw this in a guy I dated, he was sweet as pie to his mother, but awful to me, and then they turned out to both be narcs who ganged up on me, and they both had a very bizarre relationship that was inappropriate at times, it was crazy outrageous! 🤮 The weird thing is tho, the relationship between narcs is so contrived, surface, and fake, like they are trying to outperform each other and re-enforce each others delusions and lies, idk, I can't explain crazy and I don't want to. Bye bye is suffice enough! P.s. Jesus is Lord and the only way to the father and to heaven and to peace.
You're just honest. Stop making excuses for people. If they're interested and really want to get to know, you'll know who's fake. This applies to love and friends. Actions speak louder than words. You need a plan to take action. Goals are important for self respect. "Life is what happens while you make plans".
I am dealing with the same thing, unfortunately it's my boyfriend of 4 years. We just broke up, but I live in his house, and It's heartbreaking. He proposed to me, just to let me know that his mom always comes first! Well....marry your mom then!
Watching this video 8 months ago would have saved me time, tears and heartache. Being ghosted sucks but I should've seen it coming at the first sign of shadiness. Thank you Brian, I won't make this mistake twice!
It's awful being ghosted. It's rotten. I suspect there were signs. We chose to excuse him/it instead. Sad we have to go through pain to learn the lesson and not repeat. All the best! ❤️
Hope you won't be sad anymore. Being ghosted just proves that man has no moral values and respect for people. Decent men will shoot you a text/ explanation and wish you luck.
@@jp0316 True. It's a sad commentary that ghosting is even a thing, and a thing that's increasing. This shows the decline in the quality of men, and their respect for women. Women who are mothers, daughters, sisters, and lovers.
... watching this video 41 years ago would have saved me from an unsatisfying relationship. How lucky you are 8 months in & getting the message. Don't cry over that, please!
“Not just kind, but too nice.” Brian, that’s exactly it. Thank you from my recovering people-pleasing heart. PS. I also appreciate that you do not resort to vulgar language in your videos. You are a gentleman
Respect is something that is passed down from generation to generation. If parents respect each other and respect their children and show it in the family, then the child will understand what it means to respect everyone else around. And then we will have conscious adult men and women who respect each other. And we have a completely different situation, when there is no respect in the family, nor is it taught anywhere, so what can we demand from a man or a woman in a relationship. This is upbringing. I also believe that mutual respect is very important in a relationship.
My mother used the expression,’start as you mean to go on’. Of course I was young and jumped in with the first man who showed interest in me, married him and grew up fast. I was used from the beginning. I had low self esteem and have since realized I’m empathetic, he was definitely not. My low self esteem was not from my parents, I was just too tolerant. I was told it was not for me to toughen up but for others to recognize my softness, it was not a weakness. I have since learned I am a very strong person.I now have a good man and we have been together a long time. The lyric, ‘know when to walk away,know when to run’ comes to mind.
@@janetblanc7658 thank you Janet. I hear myself often using my mothers expressions. It used to make me think I was getting old, but they were usually wise words. They’re usually given as advice to my adult children when I see them making similar mistakes to mine from years ago. I know they’ll listen but still take their own path.
@@TheSouthIsHot we grew up without much, my mother had lived in Dublin tenements. A lot of hardship. I’m baby number 13. She managed so many things including my stevedore fathers drinking, to a point. Like so many other women. My father was a good hard worker, but gravitated to the bar . Like so many other men. I always felt loved by my mother and father, but my father had mellowed by the time I came along, so as I’m told, ‘you don’t know the half of it’. Thanks Katrina, hope your life is long and peaceful. X
Yes! Once I waited 14 mins for a guy, the 15th min I stood up and walked away :) Also there was another date where the guy was looking at other women's body, after 20-30 mins I told him, excuse me, I need to go, I had this much time for a first talk. Of course I didn't accept calls from him afterwards. I had a lot of dates, when I was on the matefinder webpage, giving the chance of finding someone, but I didn't find, simply men are ungodly, I don't even know how to find a good guy, because even churches are full of pharisees.
Setting boundaries, being authentic and true to your needs is what a healthy psyche looks like on the outside. You can't force it by trying to use these things as a "method", a means to an end, when it's not a reflection in your inner structure. You gotta do the work first.
Who cares if someone else is disrespectful to you or not? If you allow someone to disrespect you twice, you're not showing yourself any respect. You can't expect someone to do for you what you won't do for yourself. Not saying you should treat anybody mean that was mean to you, but don't put yourself around that person to allow them another chance to do it again. Learn who they are and stay away. If you don't know how to love yourself, start there. 💜 Be safe.
How he treats others (eg. his mom) in my experience is NO sign of how he will treat you. Logically it seems to make sense, but in reality it has no correlation whatever. Letting him make an effort is good advice.
@@cutie13581 People act differently with different people. So we can't think he's going to treat us the same as he treats others. He may treat us better or worse. It's more important to be really aware of how he's actually treating us. Is he respectful? Is he picking fights all the time? And not carry some illusion that he'll change.
This!! ^^^. I knew a guy who could be horrible to people in every way. Rude, prejudiced, arrogant, thought too much of himself. However, when it came to his mom??? Oh what a difference! Doting, servile, he thought her and him were the world’s best, everyone else was dirt. I guess because she birthed him?
There was a guy who showed interest in me, so I started liking him .Everything was going fine and one day he told me he wanted to meet me, Intially I told him no due to some reason but he was persistent and told me that wanted to meet me.So, I said yes.After I met him the next day his behavior was changed,he started ignoring me. I asked him why he is ignoring me but he never responded and he kept on ignoring me.After a few months I realized it wasn't my fault its just that his INTENTIONS were different, when I realized the truth I was deeply hurt He wanted to keep me as his secret, I felt worthless about myself, I couldn't get over that thing from my head.But now I'm doing okay 🙂
You shouldn't look at yourself in a negative way, just because a guy wasn't good for you. There are a lot of guys out there that aren't good for many of us! Maybe GOD directed him out of your life.
Yes, I would never stay even 30 minutes. I leave after 10 minutes maximum, if there is no text. Not wasting my time. And if they stare at other women while out with me I will not go out with them again. And if they say rude things. Won't go out with them again. They don't deserve your time or attention. But it is hard. So much crap out there. Hard to find a good guy.
Your first example happened to a good friend. After picking her up for the first few dates, she thought the relationship was off to a decent start until they made plans to meet at a venue one day and he left her waiting for hours. She knew where he worked so WE followed him home one day. After sitting outside of his home for about 45 minutes, his wife arrived home with their two young children. In retrospect, she should've simply refused future interaction with him but her friends were so upset that we convinced her to fact find to avoid his lies.
I've dated a man who told me in the beginning that he was not ready for a relationship but wanted to still date and keep it casual. At first, I was like ok no problem because he was super handsome, and he made me laugh, and we had fun things in common. Well, after 4 months of seeing him, I developed feelings, and it has been downhill from there. It has been almost 2yrs now, and we have had many arguments . He manipulates me and is not always honest because he feels he doesn't have to be. I fell in the trap of trying to show him what of a great woman I was and became very submissive to him. He took advantage of that weakness of mine, and I allowed him to use me. There was massive manipulation on both parts and now I just want out but everytime I get the nerve to be done and just block him altogether I chicken out because Im addicted to the good times and fantasy I created in my head. I feel bad because he told me in the beginning that he was not ready and I thought I could play along and he would fall for me but he didn't. A big "Situationship" is what I got. I need help. 😪
You'll wake up one day, and find you've wasted 20yrs on him. You need to dump him, and don't go back on your decision. I can almost guarantee that he'll meet someobe else, and marry her within 2yrs. When a man says he's not ready, he means he doesn't want to commit himself to you. Sorry to be harsh.
walk away, what you described is my 27 year marriage, totally miserable all 27 years and I know now it will never get better. I have kids, health issues and money problems holding me here; you don't-get out now, do it for yourself and don't look back.
Coming out of a verbal abusive relationship was so hard. He made me feel so worthless, controlling my every move. If something bad happens to him, it's always my fault. It hurts to be finally able to see what he is doing to me.. 😢
So sorry, I’ve been in a similar relationship, I suggest leaving without letting him be aware of it, it’s nerve wrecking experience, to never return, but worth it in the end! You come first! it’s NOT selfish.
Surprise pregnancy after married 2 yrs. His misogynistic father whispered a lot of garbage in his ear about pregnancy, women, etc. Halfway thru pregnancy the stuff coming out of his mouth was so disgusting I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At that point I told him that would change before child was born or I was done. I will not accept it. I filed for divorce 2 months after giving birth.
Thank you Brian, you strengthen our logical thinking instead of following our feelings, you are brilliant, and most importantly you're a lifesaver!♥️♥️
The first time this man rang me, he interrupted our chat and said I'll call you back my neighbours just turned up. Although it it took 2 hours for him to call back I accepted it and let it go not knowing the neighbour situation. The next day he was attentive and a real gentleman on our date couldn't have looked after me any better. He rang me a few days later and 20 minutes into our conversation he said I will call you back my neighbour has turned up. He hadn't called back 4 hours later so I attempted to ring him to check everything was all right but he didn't pick up. Minutes later he sent a message saying his neighbour had just left and he would call me the next day I said don't bother. I did find out later they are mates that just enjoy having a drink together......I said Bye Bye
I found a man that's changed alot since I started being with him. I kept finding myself questioning if he's a bad man and I should leave but I saw that he was willing to change and he has, but he still does some deeply concerning things.. I'm not sure if I should be afraid and run or if I should stay sometimes. He's willing to grow and he's a good man in many ways so I feel lost on if I should take a leap and commit or if I should go slower.
@@limeylemon1685 keep looking for clues he is trying hard to change if not his actions always speak the truth. Because people lie with their words. I learned the hard way. I had doubts In the beginning and my gut was right in the end. I'm glad it's over
This was great...and I needed to hear this...and not being stand-by for a year...it's hard when feelings are involved...so better realize early when a man is not driving in the same direction. 🙏🏻❤️
Fabulous video! I wish I’d known these things decades ago because I did all the wrong things you mentioned with disastrous results. I was codependent and passive-aggressive with weak boundaries. Been working on all this for years and while I haven’t been dating, I’ve been getting excellent results in other areas and building confidence. You’re great at explaining these things and I love your analogies and humor with straightforward telling it like it is. Thank you!
I just wish i knew this earlier on in life and learnt to speak up. I'm 50 now and have spent the last few years on my own, learning about myself and growing as a person. I have become a lot more confident i n myself and now realise I was simply too kind. I would never put up with anyone disrespecting me now. I'm just a nice person who enjoys doing nice things for people but sadly in this world you get used and seen as weak, I now look back and cringe, the worse they treated me the harder I tried to put things right. It's a funny old world isn't it. Onwards and upwards.
I fully agree. The more he dulled and was moody, the more I tried. He used me, walked all over me, and told the kids it was all my fault. Awful. I just wanted to be nice, helpful, etc. I will regret it forever.
This applies to relationships with male and female relatives too. My brother has been over the top disrespectful and abusive. I have decided to go no contact. It's best for me.
I wish I heard this message many years ago. My ex verbally abuse me and yell at me for 2 years until I couldn't take it anymore. Than a guy I dated ghosted me over 6 times. Silly me, kept on taking him back because I really liked him. Now I know better. I will not take disrespect from anybody. I have know problem cutting someone off permanently at the first disrespect.
What I find perplexing is - why does EVERY man think you want them sexually just because a girl is cordial, kind or helpful.? A cup of coffee is EXACTLY THAT. JUST a cup of coffee. Geeze. Now I find myself thinking, sure I could buy lunch for my contractors workers--- but which one would think they could approach me sexually as a result. And I don't do it.
You also have to consider about being late. I would wait 30 min and leave. If he calls, LISTEN to what happen. WHAT IF he got into a wreck, or something unavoidable. You do need to hear their explanation before reacting. Then decide if he is worth 2nd date. But that's me.
Thank you! I’m just now re-entering the dating scene after being in a 12 yr relationship. This is a great reminder for me to stay in my power. I have a renaissance guy I’m intrigued with… he’s pretty forward. This helps a great deal
I'm just so over the games and passive aggressiveness. I've become defensive and cold and walk away after the first sign of manipulation, even if he respects my time and checks all of the other boxes. I just can't take truth stretchers and tactics to make me jealous or insecure. It makes me want to fight and I don't want to fight. I just want peace and easy hang time.
Thank you, Brian for this informative video. I have been a doormat to everyone for a lifetime. And, this video popped up. Confirmation to stand up for myself once and for all by creating healthy boundaries. Much appreciated!
I think the 'pleasing' side is the key here, wether it is a romantic or platonic, even professional relationships. I have zero self esteem, and often behave this way toward new people. I am like catnip for the people who likes an ego boost. It seems to happen with men more often than women; possibly because men tend to take the 'pleasing' behaviour as romantic or sexual interest, whereas women don't automatically assume that.
I wished I heard this 35 yrs ago. My husband of 26 yrs walked all over me. After I divorced him, I had 2 relationships, each of these 5 yrs. Same response. I was always trying to be understanding and excusing their behavior - being submissive as I thought women should be.
I disagree with you that our behavior can cause men to disrespect us. A man who is respectful, will be respectful, no matter what. If we are "too nice", lose our self-respect and attractiveness etc. he might walk away from us - but even then he will do so respectfully and he will behave respectfully with us while he's still there. A good peson doesn't turn into a jerk just because the other person lacks self-esteem. A good person might not want to be in a relationship with a person who has low self-esteem - but they will still treat them respectfully. Our behavior CAN teach a disrespectful man either that it's okay to keep disrespecting us, or that it's not acceptable and that he will have to behave better to be around us. Yes that's true. Jerks do what they can get away with, so if we let them get away with it, they will continue, and if we don't let them get away with it, they will stop. Especially because men don't listen to words, they listen to actions. So it might even work. Fine, but the thing is, that was a disrespectful man to begin with. Do we really want to invest our time and energy to "train" a disrespectful man? Like he's a dog, or I'm his mommy? Is that really my job? Do we really want a man who behaves respectfully only because he was forced to? Do we really want to be with someone around whom we have to be constantly vigilant about other ways he might be disrespecting us? And having to "train" him every time? I feel tired just thinking about it.
It was good advice. Not just for romantic relationships but all relationships, really. I've made some of the above mistakes with a fellow female houseguest who's been staying off and on fairly regularly over the last three years, and now I'm going to have to stop her staying over, which is sticky and complicated, with unwanted consequences. If I'd done the above, made my boundaries right at the start, maybe we could have managed her being here from time to time. As it is, now I have to do the drastic move of telling her the inn is closed, and she's in a very vulnerable space right now. I feel terrible about it, but she's intense, chaotic, and bad with boundaries [putting it mildly]. If I'd done the above, either she'd have learned to be respectful and so, welcome under my roof, or she would have gone elsewhere and spared me a lot of distress. I screwed up. But I'm learning.
Always on point He is one of my favorite relationships mentor ,He reminded me long time ago when I was new in love and madly in love 🥰 with someone He and Mat Shaffer well trained advisers and their stories is inspired
Just ended 2 dates by telling them this won’t work out (standing on your ground soon ) is the best option . Know what you want and stick to it . Don’t settle for less
My husband first met me made me wait a lot... I thought its just once this thing happened. But its been twenty years of marriage he always made me wait. So, one can really understand a person in first meet itself.be observant.
Link the attention you give him to how he treats you! That's so true. People who cannot treat others right don't deserve 1 minute of a person's time and energy. I come from an Indian culture where we are taught from a young age to stand by our relations through thick and thin, no matter what comes. But what's not explained in this properly is that you stand by your relations in bad times, you don't stand with bad relations. You stand by through difficulties not with people who are unnecessarily creating difficulties. No matter how bad the time, how we choose to treat people around us is still our choice. And even if the world around us becomes hell we have no business making the lives of people close to us hell by our unacceptable behaviour. They are also facing that hell externally. Why make it even internally?
Hi Brian, all is steming from all kinds of traumas in childhood, when someone doesnt have too much of them easily can recognize what is right or wrong, other people need to heal their wounds first and then learn these things anew...
