MEN need to have a PLAN WITH WOMEN: preventing relationship creep 

I strongly recommend that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to any given woman in his life before he interacts with her. This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants. A man who does not have a plan for his life will end up a part of someone else's plan. When it comes to women, this generally happens as a result of a phenomenon called "relationship creep." I explain more in this episode. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #dating #relationship #women

"When a man marries a woman he hopes that she doesn't change. When a woman marries that man, she hopes that he does."

You not only need a plan and some benchmarks, you need the balls to walk out. That second part is where men often fail.

“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ~ Seneca Such a good topic. Part of being masculine is having a purpose and striving for it. To bumble around aimlessly like trash in the wind is how you become lost and bitter at the world.

“A man can find himself living in a situation that is almost unrecognizable from the way he wanted to live.” Profound.

This guy is like a waaaay more refined version of Alexander grace and coach rp, I really like how he's articulating the male experience, you're doing a really dope job sir.

Looking back on life as a middle-aged man, no surprise, I realize you need to live every facet of your entire life with intention to have the best results over all areas of your life. The little stuff does not fall into place by focusing on the most important aspects of life or the big picture. I wish I would have understood this at 22. Better late than never though.

We try to avoid conflict, arguments and we end up being permissive in relationships and regretting it after. Not knowing yourself hurts you the most so pain is self inflicted. Self love is necessary

Married 22 years. My ship has definitely landed at the wrong port. I am going to have this conversation with my wife at some point. I'm going to share this with my son. Best advice I was never given.

I learn't this the hard way when my first marriage failed. I made sure that the second time around the woman knew what I wanted/needed. However, be careful. Just because she initially agrees to your relationship terms, doesn't mean that she will keep her end of the bargain.

This stuff should be taught at school. It is about time young people are taught early on not to ruin their lives with poor decisions. Happy, self aware and content people are the basis of a healthy society.

It's a gamble . . . literally. She is the casino, you are the mark. Go in knowing what you're willing to lose, enjoy your time, and know when to leave.

I heard your phrase, "If you do not have a plan for your life, someone else does, " and the person I heard it from said, "You are not going to like it."

Sound advice here. I used the old "Happy wife, Happy life" approach to a relationship. Got myself managed and nagged into a world she created and controlled. She is gone now. Often was not happy in her world. Getting control of my life back was not easy.

Men are Captains and Women are Pirates. Brilliant insight as usual. I have experienced the "creep" not in just wanting sex and ending up in something more, but in sharing my plans and collaborating with hers only to be endlessly pushed through the demand for concessions. I agree that many relationship problems turn on a lack of planning or communication, but I frankly have come to believe that many if not most women intentionally disregard their partners wishes and set about trying to change them. Just as JJ pointed out. It's a bit different in that it's not miscommunication or lack of focus; it's women deciding that his plans are subordinate to hers.

Well said. Part of the reason my marriage fell a part is me not maintaining frame and communicate my plan to my spouse. Men, if you choose LTR, Have a business plan. A route of egress, and what you expect from yourself and the woman in your life. If you can't do that, don't ho LTR. Simple. Thank-you Dr.

"If I'm encroaching on your boundaries, and I'm smart about it, I'll encroach just to the point where you start to protest, and then I'll stop. I'll wait for you to calm down and then start the process over again. I'll repeat this process ad infinitum until you're miles away from where you started." Jordan Peterson That's called grooming.

I really hate that you’re right… this was the story of my marriage that I finally escaped from.

Very nicely presented! It fits with my experience 100%. Recall a few times where I noticed "the relationship creep" developing smoothly and managed to pull the plug off, as I detected that these women had no respect for my plan, which is to say they didn't have respect for me and what I wanted in life. To these days I proudly remember these occasions where I walked out, and avoided these nightmares. Women are experts in sugar coating their intentions, and resort to self-victimization for disarming a man of their most valued attributes: his courage and independence. When you become aware of women's tactics, then, it becomes easier to detect a mine field, because this isn't love, it's selfishness at its highest.

I am going through this right now. 60 years old. Lost my wife of 35 years just 3 years ago. Just now starting to look around for female companionship. I am experiencing the effects of female hypergamic desires. I do not want to get married and I do not want to move in with someone. I met a really nice lady and on the forth date she gets to the point that she is looking for a man to marry and move in with within 12 to 18 months. I made it very clear that I am not looking to get married and not looking to move in with someone. It is only the second woman I date as I start to explore this new reality I find myself in. Thanks to your videos and others I am cutting bait and will start fishing anew. Only the next time the relationship requirements will be fully upfront on the first date. I only want to be in a relationship with one woman but I don't want to get married and I don't want to move in with her. That message will be made perfectly clear on the first date.

Always have a plan, not just for women, but for life 💯

Great advice for everyone! I think you’re giving women more credit than is due - I think just as many women are lost as well. I think the solution is either don’t settle down with someone unless you know who you are or find a partner that is willing to be patient. Or perhaps find someone else that is finding their path and go together. Thanks.

I followed this plan and 9 years in the woman I am with got pregnant when she wasn't supposed to be able to and now she uses that as leverage to completely change the dynamic of our relationship because she knows I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home like I did. All the way up until then she was okay with the old school relationship I wanted to have where a man is in the leadership role of the family. Now she's "not my slave or maid" as I fully take care of our family financially, she drives a considerably nicer car than mine that I pay for, threatens to leave when she used to beg me not to, doesn't clean or do chores half as much, stop taking care of herself and says ridiculous things like being a stay-at-home mom of one child is worth about $150,000 a year. Choose wisely my friends.

I'm a woman, and I'm enjoying your insight and advice. True fellas.

Literally dealing with this right now. More and more things have been left at my house.

Absolutely 100%. If you don't have a plan, you will be someone else's plan whether you like it or not. This is probably the most important video I have ever seen on RU-vid. So many men fall into this at their own demise to only figure it out when it is too late. Every man should be told these words at a young age!

This guy keeps knocking them out of the park.

You literally just nailed a man's life going in blind. Just in it for the end goal, you will pay. Painfully. Thanks so much. ❤

This is gold standard advice and applies to much of life. We have to be focused and deliberate in pretty much every area and where we slack off or go through the motions is where we’ll end up frustrated, resentful and bitter.

Love the subject-verb agreement. Too rare these days. Yes, people; the word "none" takes a singular verb.

I was so down the rabbit hole of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, EVERYTHING AND THE BIG PICTURE that when she came along I felt blessed to have someone to take care of the “little pictures’…but slowly I was angled into a little frame and hung out on a broken light pole in the street…curiosity survived though.

Yep, I do my thing in my life and you do yours. We can cohabitate and respect each other boundaries.

My plan is to remain single

I would say this is probably the best men's growth and dating type channel on RU-vid. I really do enjoy Alexander Grace Also, but these videos hit the nail on the head for what I have experienced in relationships in my 44 years on this planet. I do wish however that I knew this stuff before. I got married and spent 12 years in a pretty horrible relationship and then went through a really horrible divorce... My biggest problem was thinking that women were like men and that we all had the same types of motivations and values. Thank you so much for this video playlist!

Very true and good video. A woman can quite easily sway a man into marrying her just through tiny concessions.

A big problem is women pretend they are someone they’re not in order to trap a man.

These videos on the business of relationships are awesome. I’ll be supporting and sharing far and wide.

This is a particularly good one Orion. Well done.

@psycHacks:This is one of your best short-clips so far. Concise, clear, well- communicated. Truly a pleasure to listen to.

Orion, This is one of your best videos. Thank you!

You just keep hitting the bullseye with your videos! A quick evaluation made very clear to me how things I did plan and protect materialized and how the rest drifted/creeped into another direction

Can’t say enough how helpful your content has been to me. More power to you!

I agree with everything you said. I ended up marrying a woman who I originally only intended to be a one night stand. Don't be like me. Make a plan and don't fall victim to relationship creep.

That does it, I’m liking and subscribing. Thanks for the quality content Doc.

It has been like pulling teeth asking this man what are his plans!! I have been very clear about my desires, values etc in order to create the opportunity to know if we're in alignment....if I am able to support him on his journey. This has been going on almost 3years now and I've resorted to the reasoning that he is not a leader &/or his plan doesn't coincide with anything I've said so he rather not state & hope that I will blindly follow....which I am definitely NOT doing. So this is it for me. Enough time has been invested. Enough is enough

What I leaned from my brief marriage is that women can change after you put a ring on them (so something worse than you had seen to date), and men tend not to change, even though the woman often thinks she'll be able to change him after marriage. It was either become a relenter, or leave - without anything in between. Very sad part of human nature (and I know it doesn't cover everyone 100%, but I believe it generally be true).

Please consider making more videos expanding on the main ideas from this one. I can't believe i only just discovered this amazing channel that i am now binging!

This is an important discussion. Yeah, set your goals, have a vision, assert your direction, and frame it to showcase the plumage of your mindset - it's what attracts partnership and success. Men do this instinctually when they work together. Birds do it and so do bees

This perfectly explains many of my past relationships.

Women don't really have to put effort into the getting laid part, so of course they have lots of time to think about things beyond that. Men are just relieved to get that far and want to rest a bit once they're at that goal. They don't always realize that it's also a new starting line.

I want to thank you for your videos. They have really helped me in my last two relationships. I wish i could have gotten this kind of content twenty years ago, i'd be in a better place right now.

This is one that I have kept listening to and will keep listening!..thanks coach!!

Thank you for this episode!

"This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants." This will also make it more likely that the woman gets what she wants. It's a mutual thang. (It is always refreshing to meet a man who knows what he wants up front.)

You have to be in a place where not being with her and going back into the dating realm is totally ok and fine.

I wish I found your videos in the lead up and straight after my divorce, but I’m thankful I found you anyways. You make things ultra clear. Thank you

Best video I have watched. I have countless times when it was clear a woman had a plan for me. When the plan didn't align with what I wanted we parted ways despite mutual attraction.

Yes. I am a 50 year old woman who literally looks and has the essence of a vibrant 35 year old on my bad days. Not being stuck up, just saying. Even so, I am 50. I’ve been thru things, I have experience, I am wiser than when I was younger. Because of that, the 25 year old guy I was friends with for two weeks and then dated for another 3 weeks, is not gonna be able to continue. Why?!?! Because of exactly what this video just talked about, and I was the one to point all this out to him before I even saw this video. Guys!!!! Have a plan. Stick to it. Make it be known. Don’t deviate. If someone who was a friend turns out to be someone you want to be with long term, make it be known than too, but trying to just be on auto pilot with a woman, especially an older woman, and think we aren’t gonna see right thru you, is just plain ignorant. granted some autistic types really may not get the social cues, but you know what I mean. Woman want to know what is up! If you just want a night out or companionship and/or sex, fine, but say so and don’t blur lines. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. if you don’t want a relationship long term, don’t be calling and texting and carrying on like you do. Sorry, life is filled with hard lessons and it requires discipline. This past guy was saying he doesn’t know what he wants with his life, but he likes me and wanted to date me and only me and see how it would go. Ahhhhh, how can I go into that strong?!?! I can’t. I know the video wasn’t about age, but none the less, guys. You can’t have a relationship unless you know you want one. you may not know exactly with who, but you have to be ready for a relationship. Sooooooo many people end up in relationships that they just went along with. 5-10 years later, you end up feeling exhausted and off if not completely destroyed. This past guy would say he doesn’t want a relationship, but than dote on me like he did. So confusing. I finally had to just tell him you aren’t thinking straight cuz you need to date someone who can have kids with you still, and you aren’t being honest. you are saying one thing and doing another. I as well do not want to end up on the Wrong ship!

It's not easy, we get mocked for just trying to be a friend; get emotionally trashed if we try to move beyond that.

I agree with this message, and have learned something new today. Thanks, great video!

Incredibly useful, as usual.

Yes agree men need to have plans, but also women need to openly reveal their plans too. Are these long term or short term goals, or subject to change? Life is complicated.

Thanks Additionally to this. The ex narc who caused my seizure in December, has just been described to a tee only through my blasé, go with the wind attitude. Thanks again for this. ❤

This was a very insightful description of the standard male/female relationship interaction.

Thanks for the knowledge. Eternally grateful!!

I was dating this girl and she gave me a key to her house. And I fell for it and moved in 😩

I know I do. I tell her FWB only and if they don't like it the door is over there >>>>>>>> If she starts leaving personal items at my place, it is immediately hidden from the next girl, returned, or goes in trash.

Wow. No joke!! This gentleman is a legend.

One of your most useful videos. Thanks.

It fits well with my own experiences. Today she leaves her toothbrush, tomorrow she's having half of your cloths at my place. I had to tell her that I'm not interested in her in this way that resulted in her taking offence. It happens gradually, if you're chosen as a target, a woman will subtly slant things into commitment.

I wish I would of had an older mentor tell me this 22 years ago.

Ooft essentially why I left my previous relationship. I could fill it in my bones, I felt like I was living in her dream. It was my fault, I had reached a goal then that was it, I had no further goals, the ship was lost! Gotta keep growing, gotta keep extending that vision when you reach a peak and decide who is and who is not, going to tackle that next leg to the next mountain top!

Thank you for the wake-up call, Doc.

So damn true as someone that went through the 1st phases of a relationship it did not work out but after the separation as i focused on myself and found myself as a MAN i knew exactly what i wanted my life to become and thrived for it by making friends networking and getting more active and keeping fit. I don't know how or why but women have a sense of someone who is matured and Stable both mentally and emotionally and women are attractive when your focused on yourself as they are naturally followers by nature and looking for a leader to take the reigns.

My plan in my early 20's was NOT to involve myself with women and just do it alone. All my family and friends said that I would die sad and lonely. Now at 50 I'm a multi millionaire and retired. I have women falling over me which I won't take the bait.... How are all those friends and family members doing now? all are divorced with messy complex family and financial issues.

This is the single best piece of advice any young man could get

Talks the MOST sense I have ever heard online across a range of vids! This is another one right on the money, with a truth I can see in retrospect over most of my relationships. I had recognised that truth some time ago by the time the last liaison came along, featuring moves so laughably predictable and clumsy, I actually wondered whether she was THAT simple that those were her only/best stages of "relationship creep" or just, insultingly, thought that I was so simple that I would not notice. In fact, both positions were true. I was, admittedly, guilty of never crystalising even to myself what I wanted, nor to her, therefore... I just kinda hoped that THIS time might be different; with too much else on my plate to also now martial an involvement. She was really in a hurry (because of her circumstances?), so clunkily rushed herself along, even though declaring defiantly that she, unlike others, "DOES NOT HAVE AN AGENDA!" - one of the very few things she said with any power. Right! 🙄 She was absolutely, with entitlement, beginning to take the piss by the time I ordered close of play!

stop saying "if you're liking what you're hearing". NOBODY wants to hear this stuff. Even if it's exactly what we need to hear. Which it is. And thank you for saying this.

Guys relationship goals are physical intimacy. Women relationship goals are financial security and babies. Both parties can behave reprehensibly in achieving their goals. If you are a low value guy with a scarcity mindset then you are going to have to pay up one way or another if you want a woman (e.g. provide babies, child support, financial security aka marriage). If you are a high value guy with an abundance mindset then you can move onto the next women if the current women doesn't measure up. Consequently, its important to know who you are (leader or follower), what your woman really wants from you (gold digger? child support digger?), and understand the divorce/ child custody/ pre-nup/ child support system in your jurisdiction.

Wonderful reminder that was at the exact moment l needed to hear it 🙏

Very well facilitated. Thank you. All of us Men are truly suffering. Because just as mentioned above---a man doesn't get out of her plan.

Men pretend to have a plan & go with the flow. Women pretend to go with the flow & have a plan!

An acquaintance had to move back in with his grandma under the guise of looking after her in order to escape from a woman who moved in with him subtle. It started with toothbrushes, a t-shirt here and there and advanced to coming with small groceries to his place after work to full blown cohabitation.

Great vid! Thanks coach!!👍👏

Your insights are always useful, but good grief this one was on another level.

I once met up with a Ukrainian girl on Tinder. She had escaped from war and wanted someone to teach her Danish, which my masculine instincts made me do without hesitation. We went for a walk afterwards, I offered to take her all sorts of places and give her some good experiences, which she refused with the phrase “I don’t need any problems”, afterwards we split our separate ways, and I was so confused about that reaction for a long time. Now I maybe understand why…

Always had a plan (Although it may of been dumb at times), however I didn't shoot for the stars... I know I'm in a boat, and they don't fly....

This fits with my experience. Great video.

💯 Truer words were never spoken...

It seems to be the complete opposite for me. I'm up front, and when the conversation develops to that point, it ends being a turn off.

I would have lived with and have children with my last girlfriend but the relationship had several large arguments that were very hard to resolve with her and she triangulated me with several different men every month which I found disrespectful and narcissistic in nature.

This fits with my experience but I usually hit this moment around 3 to 6 months. I strive to be more intentional with my questions and conversations in dating now to make sure I do not find myself in committed actions before I really want to. Be great men. Stay clear and on your purposeful living.

Betatized by a thousand concessions, not steering your own ship, not maintaining frame. It helps if one can be unapologetically clear about one’s goals and intentions.

Thanks you talked about me, I did send your video back in time to the 16 years younger version of myself before I entered the relationship with my now soon to be divorced ex-wife. Maybe I can make it better the 2nd time and never meet and engage with her.

Remember ladies like to put people in boxes when they don't get what they want. When she puts you in a box she will say you have the problems of that box and need to change for her

Great video. Thank you 🙏

your tips are awesome

Realistically a guy will take the best woman he can get As soon as he's in a relationship he has more options Also with age his value generally increases while his woman's declines This is why they stay undecided and women start steering

I don't believe any of us end up at our intended port! This does go two ways ...

This is brilliant advice