I had never listened to or watched any Patrice O'neal before you guys recommended it and I am eternally grateful that you did because that man is a genius! Thank you for the suggestion.
That's what i've been saying. My friend have a gf now that just want to talk non stop and can't understand why are we quiet. Me and this friend can go hours just sitting there,saying nothing and we tell each other everything just by being quiet lol
The best roommate I ever had, we would talk about something for 15 minutes, and then sit silently doing our own thing for hours, and then one of us would bring up a new point about whatever we were discussing. It was just so chill and natural. The best kind of person to be with is someone you can do things with, AND someone you can sit in a room with and shut the fuck up together.
You know as I get better with social skills...This is a striaght vibe for me I could see that as it feel so much comfort where you just ramble for str8 3 hours or 1 hour on the phone call or just chilling for 30 smokinh weed or just talk ideas...and then after that just chill not really say much I learn to apprieciate more and when I do that with women I feel more in peace and so do they...I have a social disability and it feels good to have some better social skills and now being more approachable to people :)
As an introvert with social anxiety it's relieving to hear others going through similar things. My social battery is very low, and I get burned out from small talk most of the time.
I'm a teacher and my job is literally to force myself to care about kids and communicate all day. I'm not naturally that communicative so at the end of the day the tank is empty. Just like Abba, I can still show people I care about them through my actions but I'm probably not going to be good in conversation. I think it's important both to communicate that and to see that in others when they are showing you they care in ways other than words
I’m comfortable in silence. Some days I can’t stop talking and some days I just don’t have much to say. On those days people say I’m intimidating and think they did something wrong but no I’m just daydreaming about fictional characters lmao
I’m making movies in my head most of the time, latest one I’ve been thinking was of who could play wolverine and how I would go about the story for that movie lol.. Mark ruffalo would’ve bn mean as Logan.
I thought I was the only one that spends time daydreaming I have telekinetic powers at a break dancing competition during an eclipse in the 9th dimension
It's not always the person themselves. I discussed this with a friend and they mentioned to me that if there is ever silence in a room between 2 or more people. Something is wrong and someone needs to speak up. So you have generations being told they shouldn't stay silent. I was like ..wow .. so that's why you never stfu lmao. Explains so much.
@@fredmercury1314 lol fuck I wish I could do that how do you just stop thinking. my thoughts be traveling a mile a minute to when I wake up till before I fall asleep
People really need to learn mastering meeting people where they are. We're different for a reason and I truly appreciate it. My alone time is a form of self care and silence doesn't bother me.
I was just talking to someone about this. It’s really important to do this so that we can have the ability to get to know others. Let people be them. I’d love to being alone which is really weird for most people! But I totally agree with what your saying.
My husband's friend asked him: "You and your wife have NOTHING in common, how do you do it?" and his answer (which is very true) is: "She does her thing. I do my thing. When we wanna do something together, we come together, do it, then do our own thing again." It really is key. We've been together for over 10 years, fought MAYBE 3 times but get over it within hours, and yeah. It works.
I married an introvert. I'm an ambivert so I can connect with all of his introverted feelings. We like to spend time together and we also like to be in separate parts of the house doing our own thing. If I want to do something I usually take a girlfriend and bring food home for him. I don't understand why people (mostly extroverted women) try to force introverts (mostly men) to push themselves outside of their boundaries and be something they are not.
I had that happen to me in my first relationship in college. It didn’t last long, but the whole time I had just gone along with having so much more social interaction than I wanted. I know now that if I don’t want to do something or go somewhere to just say no, but going in I just assumed that was a normal part of dating and I was trying to change myself. She was nice, but we definitely are not right for each other. If girls want an extrovert, date an extrovert.
I think some extroverted women do this to their Introverted men partners because they want this "story, narrative or movie like experience" just so they can feel like their relationship has extreme worth or validation. When in fact, sometimes just letting him have his alone time is very meaningful to him and it shows you understand him.
I don't want to assume. But from what you described it sounds like that he does not partake in any extroverted activities. Is there give and take here? If you have to call a gf just to go out dsnt seem fair. As Aba says here he does activities that he does not want to do sometimes because the other person wants to. Being an extrovert and introvert is real but people take it too hardline sometimes. If your partner wants to do something you should do it even if it goes against your social tolerance, sometimes. It's give and take. Yea also there is 💯 instances of being pushed but going out sometimes...
@@maxpowers4436 oh for sure I agree!!! I guess more along the lines of shopping and girly things I call on my bestie. I drag him out of the house for other types of activities like hiking, family gatherings etc. It is give and take. Sometimes I make him do something extroverted and sometimes he makes me let him be and do something introverted. As an ambivert I have my moments where I want alone time too.
Sometimes I feel so intimidated by these guys cause they seem so worldly and experienced in like relationships and dealing with dangerous situations and then Abba says shit like this and I remember he's actually just an introverted D&D loving weeb just like me.
@@jordinhocharles "Well, that is that," says Baba Fats, sitting back down on his stone, Facing another thousand years of talking to God alone. "It seems, Lord", says Fats, "it’s always the same, old men or bright-eyed youth, It’s always easier to sell them some shit than it is to give them the truth."
My current partner is the only person who doesn't exhaust me by just being there. We talk a lot but we also not talk. We live together we spend time together inside and outside our apartment. But we also have our alone time. When i take a bath he knows it's alone time and he let's me be and i love my alone time. Sometimes i wake up early and let him sleep so i can be by myself for a while. Being alone is amazing and people who don't like it, need to work on themselves.
My partner and I have a similar relationship. We've been together for almost 12 years, 9 of those living together. For example, we can sit on the same couch, touch eachother (e.g. my foot touches her leg), she watches youtube on the TV, I watch youtube on my phone, every now and then we wave and smile at eachother and kiss. But when we have moments with eachother, we dedicate our full attention to eachother; and these moments are not daily and are not forced. I could not imagine being with a partner who is clingy, wants attention often, does not respect my alone time and is obsessive towards our relationship.
Same for me, while I hate being lonely, I really NEED and like my alone time (which is different), sometimes I listen to music, read a book, meditate or just chill on the couch. If I don't get it even a little once per day, I get really moody and feel hella stressed. My me-time really relaxes me, it helps me "recharge", meanwhile my partner is the exact opposite... he is more of the clingy type but thankfully he understands my needs are different and respects them.
My mom taught me and my brothers and sisters how to cook so that we don't depend on anyone to feed us. Now I cook for my guests whenever they come over. It's a great skill to have. Everybody eats.
Then they always end up being at ur house😅 I'm a chef and i love being alone but my friends always wana come over bcoz i keep feeding them🤣🤣. Stop feeding them lol
It's funny because this pandemic that seems to have made outgoing people who love to socialize, go crazy because they can't go out and do things like they used to do, has had the exact opposite affect on me. I have a roommate and no offense to her, but I could stay in my room for days (except to take a shower daily and have a meal) and I'm totally fine with that. I used to be the type that needed people to be around me all the time (I was married, I'm a widow now), but now, I'm good with not talking to people for days at a time, outside of my job. I'm good with being by myself now because I enjoy my own company, and that's saying a lot for me. I've come a long way....
During the pandemic there have been a lot of people complaining they can't socialize, eat out, keep busy outside the house constantly However most are just looking for empathy & others saying how difficult & awful it is. No-one seems to have realized that introverts are generally better at entertaining themselves in the home & that extroverts could learn a lot from them. It's more like they just want to be in mystery with others, rather than actual make an effort to entertain themselves & alleviate their suffering. I can't help but think that prejudice plays a part. I've also noticed that being an extrovert is praised while being an introvert is frowned upon.
Let me get this straight: You comment something that is unrelated to the fact that I have two HEAVENLY HANDSOME girlfriends? Considering that I am the unprettiest RU-vidr ever, having two handsome girlfriends is really incredible. Yet you did not mention that at all. I am quite disappointed, dear lifa
I definitely need to recharge after being around others, especially if the people are super talkative and outgoing. Sometimes I wonder if some people ever take the time to sit with their own thoughts without needing to immediately vomit them out their mouth. I think discerning whether people actually want to hear what you have to say is a lost art these days.
I definitely learned this from last relationship: I was super interactive while she was super passive in conversing. This made us differ right off the bat in terms of how we perceived the "dates". After the past couple of years I've learned abt the whole "social battery" concept it really does drain out after you put so much effort in keeping up w comms, hell even emailing and calling others for job opportunities and shit
Preach, bien sûr que t'es agaçant des fois. C'est d'ailleurs aussi (très souvent) le cas d'Aba (et de tout le monde sur cette terre). Mais cette channel YT n'aurait jamais eu (et gardé) mon attention sans tes punchlines, sans toutes les fois où tu cites/chantes nos chansons préférées😂, ton sens de l'humour et tes éclairages précieux sur les différents sujets abordés. Tu apportes aussi souvent une touche d'humilité et de bienveillance qui, perso, sont très appréciées. Do your thang.
Yes! Finally! Someone who gets it. I don't mind being around people, but I don't like it when people assume they have to talk to me. And if i don't talk, I'm seen as weird and anti social. My sister and I get along great, but we aren't constantly talking to each other. We go entire days without saying so much, but we get it. Some think I would be great by myself, but i would actually kinda hate that. Going around places but not having people around sounds odd.
That’s how I am with my sister, my brother on the other hand talks too damn much about the same thing and just repeats himself. I even tell him I’m not in the mood or I don’t feel like talking sometimes because he says the same stuff damn near every day, and he says that I’m weird because people are supposed to converse and he says things like “good luck talking to people if you act like this” or “I can’t wait to see when you get a girlfriend and she’s talking to you about something and you don’t want to talk” can you tell that my brother is a narcissist? Smh
Omg 😱 When Abba said “That’s why I don’t like taking vacations with other people” Same here 👋🏾 I always thought I was super weird for that. Nothing wrong with peace and a little quiet, and not filling a void. Not everyone is that comfortable within themselves to be that alone in another country, different cultures, and languages.
but i feel there are always one or two people who when on group vacay get into a funk and ruin the general mood at some point or another,do you think sometimes this is just exhausted introverts who are not able to communicate that they need a break from everyone else as I just used to think they were being selfish
My thing is that I end up feeling trapped after a bit. Holidays don't leave room for me to just by in my natural state, meaning just sitting around doing nothing by mself, you constantly have to interact with the group, from the moment you wake up, till you go to bed, it gets really annoying.
Preach, don't listen to these people. At this point we've grown accustomed to you and Aba. If it was just Aba I would definitely miss the laughter, the bars, the impressions, and your intake on relevant topics. My opinion may not matter, but this channel came with the both of you.
And when you tell people that, people automatically assume you are attention seeking, which, at least in alot of cases, it's not. It's just a comfort to know that someone, ANYONE......wishes you well. People are so quick to slap someone with a label like narcissistic when most of this stuff is more complicated than that. People encourage you to speak out when you're hurting, but when you actually summon up the courage to get out of your comfort zone and voice your issues, people don't want to associate with you anymore. A part of me thinks it's because people kinda glorify stuff like loneliness in the media, and when they see that it's more than shedding a few tears and getting over it in a couple seconds like in a movie, they don't know how to handle it and kinda abandon all attempts of trying to help.
No, people are noisy as fuck; it's about the peace and quiet of being alone so you can chill. Took me my whole life to realise why old folk get up at 5am; it's because no one else is around to bug them.
That Old Man Energy isn’t something you start. Most old men you see in the park were thinking about sitting in that park bench when they were younger, too. Sometimes you weren’t able to just chill, because we didn’t have the mind, or the balance to command that option. Even now, that I’m old, people still try to make me “hang out” and i have a little daily supply of people skills a day.
I've been left alone so much since I was younger, I got use my solo time as an adult. I hike alone, I go to dinner alone, hell I go to the bar and play pool solo. I try to spend my time with people who I care for when I do. For a while I fell into the notion of "having to fill the gap" cause my dumb self thought that's what people do. I learned quickly that I can chill around them and shut up. But some folks I've been around, haven't picked up on that and aren't content with the fact I can spend time with them without saying much. Especially when they bring up and start conversations I don't have the energy for.
@@Dizastermaster. so true. I hate it when it's up to me to entertain people and do my solo talks in a group of boring and quiet people. I am tired of this. Rather spend time alone with my solo talks lol
I enjoy being by myself more than around other people. I never have anything to say or don't speak much where I'm not free to express myself. Being a lone wolf is my default setting and I fully accept
It’s not even that I’m antisocial or anything, I’m fully confident in my ability to discuss stuff and hold a conversation when I need to. It’s just that i don’t always feel the need to. I love company but I ain’t just tryna waste energy talking non-stop.
This is actually a pretty good topic to get into what makes a great relationship. Is it two people using each other for validation and entertainment OR two people who match so well they can be together without doing anything together, just enjoying each other’s company. Basically one drains you and is a legit waste of time, the other energizes you and builds you up as a person. Always better to be alone than being in that first case.
I’m a girl and I also feel the same for the guy I’d be in relationship with. I want my quiet alone time as well, which is majority of the time. I feel suffocated around people.
Then it’s not a matter of gender but instead, it’s a matter of personality type and what your own dislikes and preferences are which doesn’t have to do with gender :/ For example, my father is the one who talks a lot in my parents relationship. His job is a very isolating job as most of the time he’s just driving, so when he gets home all he wants to do is talk. Doesn’t have to do with gender 🤷♀️
I just recently became a stay at home due to pregnancy and the current 'political climate', hubby works from home. He can play his game for hours and I'll be chilling on the couch napping or on RU-vid. When we come together, we give each other undivided attention along with spending time with our kids. Being clingy is not cute...
Ghosting has become so common now that everyone assumes you’re ignoring them when you don’t reply. I’m an introvert and hate social media, but I have accounts to see stuff my gf and brother post. People assume I’m ignoring them when I don’t reply, but I only sign in every two to three months. Being an introvert is something most don’t understand. After work I don’t want to talk on Instagram or see your new tiktok video. I just want to sleep.
@@zeon_trl1326 That's why we'll never be friends. Also, why do people assume that they're entitled to my time and attention any time they want it? Why do people assume that I'm just supposed to drop everything I'm doing to reply to their inane post? Were we not healthier as a society before mass communication and social media?
But the real question is: why yall introverts care so much that people (supposedly🙄) "don't understand" you guys ? The real problem here is not that people (supposedly) dont understand yall: it's the fact that, deeply, you care that they dont. Otherwise yall wouldnt bring this shit up all the damn time: just keep on ignoring them (and also what they think) and keep it pushing...
@@natinatyoutube I agree with your last statement Also, never thought ppl don’t understand us, bc I don’t know if I do or don’t, nor do I care I just want to sleep And are you okay? Not asking tauntingly or nothing, you seem to have strong emotions about “introverts”
I definitely relate to Aba, been that way since childhood. But now in my 30s, that shit hit different, and I can’t go a day without having a huge chunk of it by myself. So necessary!
Something my daughter’s mother didn’t understand before she left. I had my interests, she had her’s, but she’d get mad when I wasn’t enjoying it but I supported her hobbies. You can do totally different stuff as long as you’re there for each other. Just being able to be in the same room and enjoying the company is one of the biggest bonuses to a good relationship
@@cyantwo936 the hard part is finding someone who understands that. And I felt it when they said “I don’t want to do this, but I’m going to do it because I love the shit out of you. Don’t be mad because I’m not faking the fun”. Truest thing I’ve heard in a while
Always laugh at the guys in work, they get a week off and their other half already has their week planned out for them. Then they do all the random jobs just in hope that their partners will have sex with them once in a while. If you think about it, it is a really crazy way to live.
Facts. Me and my husband have completely different interests and hobbies along with nothing in common when it comes to those interests. But we shares values and love our time and conversations together.
@@tracyd693 For real though, they have different personality types and comparing them apples to apples is not going to get you anywhere. Preach is more worldly because he's more attuned to the feeling world. Aba is more of a philosopher and better at juggling abstract ideas. It takes more than one kind of a person to build something and much respect to the both of them for understanding that.
@@tracyd693 Wrong, he's confident, content to be himself and he is trusted by Aba and vice versa. You don't know these guys. You just know their content.
One of my biggest revelations while taking psychedelics was "It's okay to not be talking". I was always a shy kid and I felt embarrassed about my inability to connect with a lot of people. As I got older, I learned to deal with my shyness better but my discomfort with silence (since it was an indicator that I was "lacking" in some respects) was still there. That aha moment of realizing that silence wasn't always a void that needs to be filled was a very impactful change for me
The energy of having people around is different than interacting with them. Like you can have a full house, nobody talks and they respect each other's space? That's the dream. Yet having somebody talk about nothing over and over is an anathema. That right there is what makes somebody hate somebody when they cannot be quiet and don't pick up the queues of "shut the fuck up" you don't want to say it because it'll gonna tilt people. Just because we're in a room doesn't mean we need to talk 100% of the time each time we're in the same instance.
I remember in college I had this friend and sometimes we'd just chill in silence, no awkwardness nothing, then some chicks would come and say, "why aren't yall speaking with each other". I recently just started speaking less, just coz I've spent so much time doing that whole, fake laughing bullshit conversation thing and it's crazy how much people can't handle silence, they'd rather talk about nothing, and I'm just mentally checking out. I'd rather silence with a few gems in between, than continuous conversation about nothing
My husband and I do the same, the “alone” time thing. Sometimes We’re both at the couch and he’s playing his video games and I’m on my iPad with my earphones. Both of us minding our own business in silence but enjoying our company.
Long live Patrice! He’ll never die because he was the truth. Maybe he wasn’t right but he was true to himself. Every single man should listen to his work, the world would be a better place for it
Honestly, this hits so hard for me. its weird how the timing is to hear this. It's so important to have that self actualization and be secure that we can do our own thing and not have to literally share every little moment together. We are all individuals that is figuring out this weird shit anyways. its good to have a companion to have your back but your drive of life is literally within yourself at your own pace of life. No one will meet YOUR level completely so its important to have space from everything in order to continue growing. Enjoy the fact that you like doing something without other people's approval because that's YOUR life. Social media is not real life anyways. I hope that you find peace in all of this.Thank you for this video.
Aba is a classic introvert. That's why conversing with people is tiring and somewhat annoying after a while. This is quite fine. Other introverts totally get where Aba is coming from.
Man, I'm an extrovert, and there are still times I want people to go away. I still want to be alone for a while every day. Men in general regardless of personality type want to be left alone at times.
@@cnote3598 i think a lot of people have a misconception regarding these terms. people with introversion tendency would prefer to recharge themselves by being alone, on the other spectrum, extroverts tend to get energized after meeting with lota folks. introverted people CAN be like aba, in fact i would argue he does youtube not in spite of it, but because of it. doesnt have to deal with try-hardy kind of diplomatic business deals.
You can tell a person is comfortable with him or herself when he or she does not feel compelled to fill a silence. Most of what comes out of people's mouths would not be missed were it never to be uttered. Keeping our mouths shut enables listening and deep thinking, both of which lead to greater understanding.
Try to enjoy silence with wmn around and you're asking for the impossible If you even try to repeat the points in the vids, you will be charged with "unsociability" and "sulk" Some people talk and talk and talk and talk over trivia and uninteresting nonsense Some wmn will even expect you to entertain them on dates Btch get a patrice vid and enjoy a comedy show I'm not an entertainer for you
Fucking love you guys. I’m always having songs pop up in my head when people talk. Thankfully my life is mostly spent with my daughter so I just start singing it and then she learns another song.
This is perfect. When I visit my partner, we hugged and kiss. Then I go to his room to watch Korean dramas and he goes back to gaming. We can do this for like 5 hours without talking to each other. Sometimes we'll text each other too like we aren't in the same apartment. There's something quiet and comforting knowing someone is nearby but you get to enjoy your space how you want it. Wouldn't change it for the world.
My best roommate ever in my 20s, we spoke like once a week. We barely saw each other. It was great. I worked days and he worked in the evening. I had the house to myself and he did too. It was perfect.
There are vast differences between introverts. I can go hours without ever thinking about having to go home, and it can also be about 2-4 hours before i start having panic attacks. It all depends on the people and what i get out of the interaction. I often feel that time would be better spent alone and that im loosing out on greater quality experience and wasting it to fulfil other peoples needs. But generally if im with other introverts and or autistic people its far less intensive.
@Anonymus X I see what you mean where a ton of people use the excuse of being introverted to hide their lack of communication skills, but being introverted is an actual thing.
Time 1:50 : My husband and I talk all the time. then when we are together, we have times where we are silent. It's not awkward or anything. We are just able to be around each other without feeling like we HAVE to talk all the time. It's nice. We can be ourselves and I am grateful for that. Aba, you aren't weird at all :)
So true , some people don’t know how to stfu just constantly going . Silence is a beautiful thing at time. Having alone time is important so I don’t allow people to force me going to events or cook outs ect if I’m not feeling it. I use to feel bad but I was always miserable if I went when not in the mood.
This is PRECISELY why I am single. Whatever my admitted traumas are that I haven't completely rectified, I still have this selfish streak of kinda only wanting to deal with a woman on my terms. It has gotten a little easier with age, but I made a purposeful choice to be celibate and it's like they say, the longer you go being by yourself, the harder it is to go back to being committed with someone else. Everything I do in my life, I can do on my own terms. I don't answer to anyone, I don't have to be pulled by the whims of someone else. The liberation of it all is precisely how/why my own mental health has improved so much in the last five years. That's not to say I blame the ex's I had...I had a big role to play in the failing of those relationships. BUT, it is to say that a lot of why it happened was because I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place. A lot of people dread solitude, for me, it has been by far the most welcomed place I have ever had.
yup and more yup. I've gone an rejected woman because i simply dont want to put up the effort of maintaining a proper relationship. "Men want to be alone, but we dont want to be by ourselves." hits home with me.
[Mid-thirties meself, honest query, _celibacy;_ can I be celibate but still masturbate!? No straight answers from people who bring up the topic over the net in my experience, not counting religious zealots. Curious to know what your opinion is, no diss!✌🏼💊]
When you alluded to Missy's "Work It", that was hilarious (a close friend and I always throw song references into everyday conversations). Thanks for the good video!
3:35 I think of what Aba is saying like when being invited to a birthday gathering and you know you’re surrounded by people you don’t like but you feel you have to stick around to make the person who invited you happy. What are you guys’ thoughts?
I agree with preach. People are so uncomfortable in silence. Honestly, the people whom I'm most comfortable with understand that it is okay to just sit in the same room without having to say anything. Edit: I used to hate hearing my voice during coaching when I worked at a call center. I was always like "damn, I sound stupid. Stop the recording." Haha!
I have a friend that won't let me sit in silence 20 second. Immediately the "say something" follows. AM I AN ALIEN OR DO OTHER PEOPLE JUST DON'T HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TOO??
@@joshuabertrand9277 there is nothing more cathartic than knowing you have this bond with someone when you can talk only when there is something to be said. Friendship, romantic relationships every relationship!
It's actually everyone, not just men that want to be by themselves at least for a while, it's just that we were thought that when we are with other people we "should" be together, do activities together, but deep down everyone needs some alone time
I dont think taught is the word. Maybe supposed to is a little bit better. Considering that there is no obligation for it unless its family time because parents tend to have alot of different motives around calling out the kids to meet everyone they meet or greet at home.
I'm literally crying right now, when y'all started saying the lyrics to the Missy Elliott song! Lol! I needed that laugh. I love your content. Keep up the good work!
It's something I look for in a relationship, to be comfortable around each other without saying a word ! I think it's an introvert thing because it takes loads of energy to socialize.. I love Preach's authenticity so much !
Again! I appreciate you speaking up! I did begin to think something was wrong with me! I wrote the other women who posted a comment that is similar, because of the way the majority of women are or portrayed; I definitely disliked this about myself. As I get older I realize that it's normal and apart of my personality! Being around people is absolutely exhausting and takes great preparation for me, and tons of rest afterward to recoup! I appreciate your comment, and I am guessing that I must be an introvert? I will look into it! Thank you
I'm an introvert, but my partner is a massive extrovert. Sometimes our happiest time is sat there in silence together with him playing his Xbox and me watching something on Netflix. He understands I need my alone time, and I understand he needs me to converse and ask how his day has gone. Being introverted is fine, but you gotta be there for your extroverts if you want them to understand you, too. All about give and take 😊
My fiancee and I work the same way except reversed I'm more introverted but I still have trouble remembering that she needs me to give her more attention lol it's hard but it's still the best relationship I've had. I just needa learn to give more and let her know that I take less
I want a partner like this, where we can chill in the same room doing different activities, but we’re cool about it. So many relationships have one person always begging for attention or wanting to drag their partner to something they don’t want to do at the moment. The question is, where do I find a woman like this?
@@Drew.q Exactly! Communication is key to making it work. Coming up to 10 years with him and like all couples we have our ups and downs but compromising with what you and your partner needs keeps everyone happy and on the same page 😁
@@kingdoge69 tbh, I met my partner at 18 and I'm 28 now, he was my first everything... so from this girl I have no experience from actual dating. I mean, I was off the market before tinder was even a thing 😂 I found most of the stuff I did like at the start of the relationship like 'Oh were not Facebook official that means he doesn't love you' 'you need to fill the air with words' 'omg that girl is talking to him be JEALOUS.' weren't actually things I gave a shit about, but what my 'friends' at the time said was normal to be worried about. And if you didn't worry you were WEIRD. It wasn't even a month before I put all that bullshit out of the way and I'm so glad I did. The girl you find may have those same kind of friends telling her what 'normal' is but if she's for you, you can break down the bull shit troupes and make your twos normal. (Sorry if this comment is rambling I'm on loads of flu meds haha 🤧)
Came from a big family and a tight community And I was lonely in a crowd for years Many of the conversations are the same reheated jokes, debates and funnies, year after year It's good to be in a pack for many activities, especially travel But you need to have unsocial silence to recharge too
PREACH!!! Thank you for this. I tried to explain why I went on vacation alone despite the risks.... I'm just going to send them is... Took the words out of my mouth. I relate 1000%
Preach talking about "I'm gunna go back to the room" type shit. I remember years ago, my long term girlfriend left my family's xmas after saying "Hey I'm gunna go home to read a bit, wake me up when you get home". She had work the next day (because fuck her company) and I didn't, so I gave her a kiss and made sure I had a ride home. Boy, some of my relatives were annoyed I didn't follow her home, etc. As if we're supposed to be attached at the hip. Like I can be talkative and lovey dovey, etc, but at the same time I take me time or little shit like being in the same room and doing separate stuff. I honestly feel like people that do everything together, one person is suffering in a way and it takes away from things you DO do together.
I hate couples that do everything together and I hate women that are all up in my space. There is a happy balance but I don’t to express every lil thing with you. It will come in time or I will just get so comfortable that we don’t need to it’s fine either way. I talk but I have moments where I need to recharge, the hardest is a new relationship or one that isn’t yet cemented and you guys can’t find the balance because one person is being reserved about the relationship in the first place so you have to just go with it until you officially start dating.
and there is also the "doing your own thing but in the same room" I personally hate working in my PC without people around me, so my sister and I both have classes in the dinning room in front of one another. Each working without bothering the other. One of the best bonding experiences as family.
Same, on Sunday one friend postponed a meetup and I just went out with a book, not immediately calling another friend out instead. I also love my lunch breaks in which I have plenty of time for walks in my favourite places around the block - getting food is optional (I eat in between so I can cherish my break outside)
Aba has finally realised he's an introvert lol. Think he's been typed as an INTJ. That "I like to be alone, is that ok" the whole tribe validation over his personal values. Great stuff.
Fucking needed this. I lost my best friend/soulmate 7 years ago now. Shit fucking sucks. But I now understand why I miss him so fucking much. Our chemistry was amazing. We could literally sit in a room he does him, I do me & we can coexist. We had plans to live together & spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately he used to spend time with the wrong crowd & it went down hill from that. Sometimes I just sit in my room & imagine him there. Excuse my French. I really needed this to understand my depressed feelings now. Thanks guys. Much love from NYC. 💯
Talking about being in the same space without talking: my best friend once said something like “you know when you’re fully comfortable around someone when you don’t feel the need to fill the quiet” and I’ve noticed that constantly in life
My biggest pet peeve is people who want me to talk about myself in a convo. Like it’s legitimately a pointless discussion so why would I bring it up. Shit happens so much in school.
Having to fill the silence is an insecurity/anxiety thing. "Are they not talking to me because they don't like me? Am I boring? Did I do something wrong?" Some people (I'm one) have to learn it's ok to just be with someone and let silence be silent.
@@I-DEPRESSIONIST I'd say to practice some self awareness, but in reality that's what's holding you back. Gotta get out of your head & be in the moment. My first acid trip was when I realized I was causing myself social anxiety just by over thinking. The solution really is to just get out of your damn head!
Yes! My brother's gf does that. She has to constantly talk because she doesn't like the silence. I used to think silence was awkward with strangers but I stopped worrying about it. It only feels awkward because you let it be. I noticed that silence felt natural to people I knew very well, so I learned to stop worrying about silence with others as well.
This is how my siblings and I are like. We could be in the same room for hours and not talk to each other but comfortable with each other. Its just normal to be silent in each other’s presence😅
God I feel this ENTIRE video in my soul. I always call myself a hermit and felt weird about myself because I can't handle socializing outside of work (I'm a server so I'm tapped out at the end of the day too) because I just don't have the patience for the bullshiiit.
I’ve had friends in the past who couldn’t just sit and be silent. Every time there was some silence it would get awkward. And I told them you don’t always have to say something we can just chill. And now we are no longer friends they thought u always have to fill the silence with conversation even if it’s pointless words just to fill the gap. I thought we’ve been friends for so long it’s okay to just sit back and not say anything. But the older we got the further we grew apart.
Man this is a lesson I had partially learned a few years back; there was a girl I met when I was in culinary, she was cute af and I didn't know what to do or say. But I felt comfortable with the silence and just being in the same room with her. And the part I didn't learn until now was to not diss something I don't enjoy but someone else does.I didn't even do it in a malicious way but thinking back I wish I didn't. Thank you fellas for speaking on stuff like this.
I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I truly enjoy my alone time. I've done many things alone that people consider enjoyable with company. Felt like something was off about me, but doing things by myself is so enjoyable. I get so exhausted being surrounded by noise all the time. People can really talk forever. Solitude recharges me and brings me peace.
That sounds to boring like what if he got something to say one day and then all of a sudden you don't want to talk to him. I don't think its wrong to chat i think some people need to realize how to control their chatting and also let people talk as well. For me i don't mind silence but not to much silence cause then what's the point of inviting someone that we aren't going to say anything.
@@1.and.only. ye honestly people in relationships should be able to be so close to each other that you wouldn’t have to talk in times of silence. Literally me and my brother. We know each other so well that we only talk for like 5 mins at most and move on.
I have been watching a lot of content on RU-vid for many years now but the day I found your channel I not only subscribed after just one video, I have been watching every video since. It is great to know that there are people out there like you both speaking what you believe in puts my faith back in humanity.
Damn it...YES. This is me. Folks fake claim "introvert" and when they actually meet one they're annoyed and don't know what the fu*k to do with themselves. Gah damn....this is me all the way.
I've worked in finance over 9 years that require me to network and socialize, when I'm off work I ignore everyone because I'm burnt out some days from talking, networking, coaching, etc. I felt this whole video first to finish.
I feel the same way often! We tend to overvalue talking! Sometimes just being with someone is enough! That encapsulates my relationship with my late father! I miss just sitting with him and saying few words and as we had a couple of drinks for a couple of hours!🙏🏾
My mother tells me I have the “only child syndrome” it’s only so much socializing I can take until I snap… or disappear for months.. then pop back out like nothing happened.
I don't know you, but ghosting ppl for no reason (or it might be that you are overwhelmed) for months is not normal and I'd even suggest therapy if you want to find the reason for that, and work on it.
@@luanaalmeida809 actually therapist promote telling ppl no, when you don’t want to do things or even be bothered for that matter. It’s not so much me ghosting ppl. I tell ppl when I’m not in the mood and I don’t want to be bothered. Much needed alone time or doing things alone that makes you happy, is not needed for therapy. I socialize when I want to.
This is not even a girl thing lol. There are men who don’t know how to be alone within a relationship and it’s freaking weird af. I’m a woman and I’m a huge supporter of “stfu time”.
yeah me and my boyfriend have problems because he wants to see me everyday. im the type of person who long distance wouldn't matter. if i love someone i don't need to be around them or see them all the time
@@idorus Same. All my best friends can go months without seeing me and when we finally do link up it’s like no time was ever lost. We can also just sit in silence. Same with my husband. We’re not long distance but we can lay in bed (or wherever) quietly and still connect. It think it comes from being secure in ourselves and our relationship.
My whole family is like this. We’ll all be in the same room content and happy, but no one is talking. We’re all doing our own thing, but still enjoying each others company, so I’ve always thought this was normal until I left home and met people 😂
It took me a while to find my balance, between people and my alone time. For me 60% by myself and 40% with others is my sweet spot. Some people need to speak all the time with people, some people need to spend time with people more often than others. But a lot of grown men like to be by themselves and it took a government lock down to realize there is nothing wrong with it. It's just about balance, like with everything else.
It's probably 70/30 for me. I still like company but in short bursts (chanelling some Carlin here). Problem is I've lost touch with most people during the lockdowns and I also dropped all the mechanisms I created to meet new people. So I actually don't have enough company at the moment (for an introvert, that says something).
I felt the same way, for a time I was riding high on isolation and the glee that I never had to cancel plans cause I didn't have any at the beginning of the quarantine. But I never knew how much I took for granted having passing conversation on the bus,at work and at events my friends forced me to go to. How much it sustained me even if I didn't think I needed it. It was only until very recently that I started forcing myself to go to events,dates and hang outs with people. Because I realized even though I like being alone a lot, that I shouldn't always be alone.
*_Sits to the side on a party alone._* "Bro, you ok?" Bruh I just want peace with my thoughts sometimes. I get so fatigued from people. I understand some people are just worried for you, but everyone needs to learn their boundaries.
This is something I am having issues with reconciling with in my relationship (my first real one in a while) because I have spent so much time being by myself, that I have issues with sharing so much of my energy at once. I work with people who have disabilities, and there's a large amount of social energy I have to put out just being there. Anyways, glad to know I'm not the only 30 yr old who feels this. Great video guys 🤙
I felt this one!!! I literally just had to deal with this with my inlaws. My brother and sister in-law literally have to talk to fill in quietness. I love my peace and quiet and these fools go out of the way to say random shit just cause it's TOO quiet lol. Love you guys!!!
@SOUL SEEKER Plan things better. Give and take. That's what every relationship is about. Sometimes you gotta hang with people even if you don't feel like it. Key word sometimes, not always and it goes both ways.
This is my first time making a comment on RU-vid or any social media to be frank.... I relate 100 percent... I was thinking about it just yesterday and I realized I had started losing me ... Scared of the being labelled lonely, sad and shit that I'm not... Really love you guys ❤️. Good work 👍.
I used to go out to a favorite local bar just to be by myself, watch some bands, etc. It was also a common spot for some acquaintances, friends of some friends, to hang out.... and they were always coming over to invite me to their table, and would seem confused or offended if I said 'no thanks', politely. I think they felt sorry for me, seeing me sitting alone in a crowded bar.... but I'm here to let people reading this know - not everyone that is sitting alone, is lonely... there are people, like me, that enjoy being out on our own to get away from things, from responsibilities, from forced conversations we don't feel like having. It is not your job to 'find a place' for me... I chose to sit where I sat, and I waved over when I saw you.... I'm good. I don't need saving.
Listen as a talkative person, I've learn to pick up on cues for when people have checked out, it used to hurt my heart but after meeting my wife, who isn't a talker or sharer, I've learned that it's not me some people just don't like talking....
I agree it can be difficult for us who are talkative and seems hurtful but don't take it personally. Some people are just very observant, quiet, reserved, and or introverted. Also, I notice when us talkers take time alone or don't speak then everyone non stop keeps asking what is wrong with us as if we are upset, tired, or unwell when we are quiet lol.
My husband is like you and I hurt his feelings before when I told him I want to do some stuff alone. We talked about it and I explained that it had nothing to do with how I feel about him. He understands now and our relationship got SO much better from then on.
Did a European trip with my boys back in the day. At one point they were seeing their dad in Germany and I took 3 day trip by myself to Prague. It was amazing to have ur own time and stories. We all met up after and went to Ibiza and partied but those 3 days on my own in a country that doesn't speak your language.PRICELESS! Nothing wrong with me time.
