Also! It sounds like you are recovering from BPD, which is something that no one talks about. Because it’s framed as a “personality” disorder where you can never recover because it’s your “self”, no one talks about how it feels when you recover and lose some of the traits. For me, I have many traits when I’m sick but only a couple when I’m well. Diagnoses are scary and hard and you are so brave and badass!
I was also misdiagnosed with bpd and I was treated for it and it never helped and I never felt like I have same issue as other people with bpd and it also felt bad to be stigmatized like that. In reality I have ptsd and dissociative disorder. Now I go to trauma therapy and for the first time in my life I feel like I am not depressed or suicidal. I don't self harm. The only bad thing in my life is the flashbacks and dissociating 24/7. It is so important to have the right diagnosis and treatment and I hope they figure out what works for you.
I was also misdiagnosed with bpd, bc i forgot to tell my psychiatrist that i have adhd and i was diagnosed at the age of 4... and then i changed of psychiatrist and he was like... you don't have bpd, why do you have that diagnosis?! and i that's when i said i have adhd and he was like "THAT'S WHAT IT IS!" and i went back with the first psychiatrist for the medication (i live in México and i have my psychiatrist who treats me and the from the goberment who gives me the medication for free ) and i told him I need medication for my adhd and he was just like... oh then you don't have bpd and he changed the diagnosis from bpd to adhd. i was in groups with people with bpd and i felt like i didn't fit in, but now that i'm in groups of people with adhd i feel at home, i feel like they understand everything, that feeling is so amazing
Yea I'm kind of on the same page as most of the comments about you seeming different in your last vid. It's hard, I think, for us to see whether that chillness is a good or bad thing, or maybe neither good or bad, just 'different'. It could be a sign of being like you said, emotionally distant, and if that's the case maybe it's a good idea to check in with yourself to see if you're not feeling 'too numb'. Also, talk about this with your psychiatrist. I don't mean to scare you but sometimes this feeling can be like the calm before the storm; your mind not being able to process emotions and therefore being quite distant, until it all bursts out. At least, that's my experience. Just try to catch what it is before you find yourself in a breakdown. Lots of love, I love your videos so much and am so thankful for you! I often feel like I'm watching myself because we're so similar in the things we go through and our personalities, it's so weird. Also... did you relapse in self-harm? I noticed your arm but not sure if it's what I thought it was. Stay strong babe xo
Thankyou so much for your comment Joelle, you’ve helped me of understand what the comments meant because I was unsure. Thankyou. I just get abit confused sometimes! I’m literally sending all my love to you, spending time to comment this. Just Thankyou xxxx
If anything I think this is the video you seem different in, but you said it yourself, you felt spacey in this. It did feel refreshing to see your feelings so raw in a video. Love your videos, Marie. Ly x
Hi Marie! You’re video has honestly made my day. I had two breakdowns in school, nearly passed out in PE and then had to explain everything about me and my MH and scars to a teacher (he was actually amazing and really supported me. We ended up then having a 50 minute chat about random things once the deep stuff was over to clear the air a bit) and then I came home to my dad who is annoyed at me for some reason. I clicked on this video and instantly smiled at seeing you. Thank you so much for who you are and what you’ve done for us viewers. We love you ❤️❤️ Side note: 18 days clean of cutting! 🎉😊
Emily Thurston thank you so much! Today is feeling quite a bit better so things are looking up. I’m positive online, in real life I’m really not lol but gotta try! Thanks x
Kaci I’m so proud of you for reaching out, communication is key and is the best way to get better. And also 18 DAYS!? THATS FUCKING AMAZING. keep going. Don’t give up, keep talking. Always here for you angel - thank YOU for helping me so much ❣️
You make me laugh so much and you remind me of myself loads!!! I'm currently trying to get a diagnosis myself, I've bounced from borderline to bipolar to anxiety/depression, I still don't know for sure but I think I'm dealing with the fallout of complex trauma and I also have ADD. You reminded me of that because you kept forgetting what you were talking about and I do that all the time!!! Not sure why yet, good luck on your diagnoses journey and thank you for existing xxx
I had a very similar issue, I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18 but then 2 years later (after a year long assessment) I was then told I didn’t have it. I guess BPD being diagnosed in young people is risky bc a lot of the time the label is thrown around and that’s how we get misdiagnosed! Hope you’re okay tho lovely x
lucielifts DEFINITELY! I think bpd is over diAgnosed, they see a young emotional girl who is struggle and expect them to just have a personality disorder but I don’t think I really fit diagnosis. Also being around a lot of people who do have bpd I just didn’t see myself in them, I was told I exhibit the symptoms differently but I know it’s not right hhaha. Thankyou for your understanding. It means so much to me xxxxx
I totally get what u mean about not knowing what's causing mood changes! I'm also personally trying to understand whether what's going on w me is borderline or bipolar. Love u angel !!
Don't worry about your upload schedule, just focus on looking after yourself. Also I totally understand being scared of being admitted to hospital, I feel the same. Being in hospital was pretty traumatising for me too. But as long as you're still able to reach out to people and accept help I don't see why that should happen. xxx
Ruby Ruby, thankyou so much. I really appreciate this and I’m so lucky to have such supportive and patient people around me, just like you. Thankyou. Xxxxx
I understand. It is so hard to describe how you're feeling and why while you're feeling it/going through it. And different is not a bad thing, you have grown, and you will keep growing and blooming. I wish you could tell the people who treat you how bad hospital was, so you would not have to go there any more, unless it is an emergency. I believe you will be able to heal at home with a lot of support from outside. I love your vids a lot, and no need to worry about making vids if you can't, you will make them when you can/feel like it! Do as little or as much as you want to♡ (I'd love to see more mental health vids/true crime and vlogs!!) love ya girl xxx
emily _ oh Emily, this comment made me emotional! It’s true, I feel slightly traumatised about hospitals. I’m okay though, being honest on the internet is hard because I don’t want people to worrry about me. I have an amazing support system and I’m extremely lucky. Thankyou so much for your comment. Your level of understanding is amazing and I appreciate it so much, thankyou ❤️
@@marieroseeee that's awesome to hear, truly❤ and of course! thank you for taking ur time to answer! (also, you have every right to keep things as private or as public as you wish, being on the internet IS hard) & Things will keep getting better and even if they would dip low again, you are stronger than before ~
Thank you for being open and just honest about everything. We all love and support you no matter what so just take it easy Marie! I adore you!! I’ve been looking forward to watching your video all day and I loved it. Stay lovely 💕
I totally relate to the feeling of numbness after something really sad happens. The worst thing that could have happened for my future happened, too, and I’m just so numb until it hits me and then I feel like I can’t cry or hurt or anything. But I am taking quetiapine to help me get through so that could be why, too. So much love!
Coral More feeling numb is definitely the way to describe things, it’s odd though because I can cope better, feeling numb? I’m able to socialise and get things done as opposed to drowning in intense emotions which is so debilitating. Thankyou so much for your understanding. ❤️
I’m also diagnosed with bpd, I’m so sure I have been misdiagnosed. I am 100% sure it’s bipolar but my psychiatrist will not ever entertain how I feel, I also got diagnosed a few months back with autism. Great video feel like you are really genuine xxxx
love you and love this so much. thanks for being so open and honest, it helps more than you could imagine 💗 i've had a shitty couple of weeks so i've been binge watching you and pip haha. always just a message away if you ever need anything or just wanna chat!! p.s let me know next time you're in london 😘
I would say, you know yourself best. You know whats going on in your mind the best. I don´t know how old you are but here in Sweden you can´t put a personality disorder diagnosis before you are 18. Simply because you change so much in in your teens and early adulthood. The second thing is that you CAN be "free" from an earlier PD. You might need to be more careful about stress etc but treatment is meant to make your life easier. And you learn how to handle your difficulties. One important thing to remember is that you don´t need to be on medication all your life. If you don´t feel good on the medication try to change or try fewer meds. I have GAD and major depressive disorder (maybe bipolar, autism and some PD) so I´ve also been in hospital and it IS a form of trauma. I think you need to talk to somebody about it. An sometimes hospital (especially long time) is not always good it can make you have more selfharm and so on. I think its important for you to talk to your mental heatlh proffesional about all of your thoughts. I hope you see this comment and exuse my misstakes in grammar. Hugs
i cried a lot during this haha. your honesty is incredible, you’re beautiful and just an all round inspiring person. hope your okay, thank you for being so amazing x
I totally relate, i've just been diagnosed with BPD but I don't obsess over people one minute then hate them the next. Plus I don't have fear of abandonment. I keep people at a distance and the few people I let in have to do something really bad for me to hate them as I blame myself for everything. Hope the new meds help and I love watching your channel :)
Marie, ilysm and thank you for sharing this video. I hope that every negative thing you feel right now passes with ease and you feel better soon. Stay strong and again I hope everything works out for the best. You deserve the happiness and life that you advocate for. Thank you for the honesty. 💗 also if you need time away from your channel to get things sorted out, remember that your subscribers will support you and understand the decision.
Love your honesty in this video. I also feel like I've been misdiagnosed. I have bpd and autism (and bipolar) and a lot of my symptoms overlap. I'm not sure which one might be wrong but I feel like I also have some symptoms of ptsd so I could've been misdiagnosed with bpd when it could be ptsd instead.
I LOVE U MARIE! It’s obvious your struggling and that is not okay but it is at the same time( if that makes sense) you need to feel your feelings to be able to control them! I just want to give you a hug I hate seeing you this down :( x
I like all of the videos you make.. Alot of you tubers have irregular upload schedules and that's OK :) im sorry you're struggling at the moment, make sure you take a break and feel your emotions, I know what you mean about wanting to cry but no tears coming out. I'm grateful to you for showing me how you deal with your mental health because there are not many people who can articulate it as well as you. I've been struggling very badly recently with anxiety and depression and it's really affecting me at work. I'm scared everyone is judging me and I'm getting paranoia which I've never had before. The thing is we have no choice but to keep going because time stops for noone, so it's just all about self care and taking life one second at a time. ❤️
Thankyou so much for your message, I’m so grateful to have you. I’m sending all my love to you, mental hsalfh is debilitating, hard and lonely. Please reach out to people you trust. People care, I promise they do. I’m always here for you, know that I’m on a very similar journey but it’s not the end and we can always change our paths. Xxxxx
I love you so much!!! Keep that chin up bbyg! You got this🤗🤗❤️ I'm sorry you're struggling I'm sending so much love and good vibes your way! One step at a time girl 💘 I appreciate you and I think you are a wonderful person xxx
Hi Marie, loving this video, still watching it. Are you thinking of getting assessed for other diagnosis? They almost miss diagnosed me with bpd while in reality I have many autistic traits. Girls with ASD are often misdiagnosed with personality disorders because some of the symptoms are the same but I’d highly recommend for you to do some research about it, just look for ASD in girls x
Je suis Lètiān I feel like personality disorders are over diagnosed, I really think that being a young emotional girl, they just expected me to have a personality disorder? In terms of other diagnosis I’m unsure of what’s happening. If I find out I will update and let you all know. I’ve watched a video about AsD in girls, and how it exhibits differently in girls. I have no idea with the criteria though xxxxx
Hay I’m a brand new youtuber and I’ve been watching your videos. I just wanted to say I Love your style of videos. I’m trying go learn so much so quick. Can I be cheeky and ask what lighting you use it looks lovely. Or it’s the colour of your room? It’s so fresh and soft looking xxxxxx
I hope that you are alright. Don't worry about the frequency of uploads, I'm pretty sure that your subscribers understand. Just take it at your own pace. Why don't you try and move away from mental health content for the meantime until you feel able to produce it and maybe try more of the crime videos or lifestyle videos. I think that would be really beneficial to you. Also I am glad that your psychiatrist and CPN have really listened to you. It's great that you have that support from your treatment team. Stay strong xx
I know exactly how you feel about being scared of going to hospital again I’ve been there before myself and it was traumatic for me too I feel the same 😞 your doing so well though xx
HOLD UP!! Don't say sorry for the uploads its your channel and it has to fit around you and your needs otherwise its completely pointless if your making yourself more ill and poorly just to upload every week It is nothing to say sorry about we're all here for YOU!! Can I just say im loving the get ready with mes and the chatty videos :)) your so gorgeous omgmgmgmg slayyy every day and I can't wait to see your interview :) xoxo
I’m happy we got to hear from you!! 💙💗💙 Hopefully trazodone will work for you, if nothing else it definitely can help with sleep 😪 And sadly I know what you mean about not fitting BPD but not knowing what you really have, it’s frustrating and anxiety inducing at least for me.
Hiya, I hope you are ok :). Do you have any advice on how to get medical help for mental health if you are under 16? (Like do you know anything about how to go about getting therapy?)
Georgia Smith you can get it privately without going to your gp. But if you go to your gp and they think you need it they’ll refer you to CAMHS and then you’ll get therapy through that (obviously your parents have to know) x
Visit your GP! They can refer you, the quicker the better or exactly, go private if it’s available. Sending all my love - hope things are okay Georgia, proud of you for reaching out xxxx
I actually have it the other way around. I think I have bpd but my psychologist doesn't think so. First they diagnosed me with autism and adhd. A few years later they said I they didnt think it was autism. I was diagnost with dependent and avoident personality disorder. Why I think I have bpd: My mood swings are so bad people around me can get mad because they think I fake it. My relationships are so intense. Sometimes I've been accused of claiming a person. This is not my intention of course but I just want to spend as much time with them because I love them so much. But then all of the sudden I get freaked out about how close they are and I push them the hell out of my life. I am so scared of people leaving my life but sometimes I can't handle being so close to people. I have no idea what I want to do with my life this changes constantly and I am not even sure who I am. When I am really stressed I also feel this numb kinda feeling and I don't know what's happening around me or in my head. Every time I read about bpd or hear people talk about their experience I am like yes this sounds like me. I am not sure what to do...
Hey beautiful, is it possible to feel safe in the company of a video? Because watching your videos I just feel safe, it like I'm talking to myself if that makes any sense! I too just kinda feel lost rn but more within myself rather than lost in the world. You sounded wobbly throughout your video but that's okay, it's just the meds making your head go to space 🌠 I just wanted to hug you. You're doing amazing and I'm genuinely proud of what you've been up to the last few weeks. Thank you💕🙏💕
This comment was so beautiful. Thankyou so much, I totally get what you mean!! I used to watch videos and I felt comforted at someone just addressing the subject that I so wanted to talk about but couldn’t. the fact that you feel the same about me is literally crazy. Thankyou. Sending all my love to you, you mean so much to me!! ❤️xxxx
Trazadone is a old school anti depressant that they found out was more helpful for sleep. I feel you for not liking medications. I hate them and it’s a battle to take anything.
I was on trazodone for 3 days while in hospital and turns out I have an “allergy” to it! It prolonged on of my heart intervals and I have to say while I was on it I just felt off
A lot of people with bpd who have gotten treatment, either thru meds or therapy or both, can later not meet the qualifications for bpd anymore. It’s not that they don’t have it anymore, since bpd actually has different brain structure than someone without it, but rather they’ve learned how to manage their symptoms and don’t meet the diagnostic criteria anymore. Ya feel?
Many autistic females get initially diagnosed with BPD so it may be useful to investigate female ASD as it is different to the most commonly represented presentation of autism. Additionally, I am very looking forward to an ASOS haul video.
Stay strong beautiful loved your video it’s up to you when you upload we are all supporting you bin watching you for about month now you have help me too xx
I'm med sensitive too!!! Except I get bumpy hives to all the meds I've tried. I have to take an antihistamine everyday to continue take my meds. I don't like being on meds.
Hate to be one of these people to comment this.... But are you OK Marie? I just saw something on the video that alarmed me. Your wrists, maybe it's bad scarring or maybe you do fake wounds or marks to fulfil the self harm behaviour, I don't know (but I used to) I'm not going to say "I hope you're not self harming again." because everyone has bad days, I've relapsed self harm more time then I can count on one hand. You can tell me to butt out, that's fine it's your business and your life. I just hope that you're ok and you always have us to speak to. :) xx
RagingRedHead 95 thankyou for your comment. Please don’t be concerned, i have good support system around me and I appreciate your concern and understanding. It means a lot. Exactly everyone has bad days, I’m sorry, I tried to not show it as much as I could. I’m good though, things are changing and I always struggle at this time of year. But thankyou. Sending all my love to you xxx
@@marieroseeee I'm glad that you have good support around you. :) And don't apologise, you shouldn't have to feel like you should hide them... Unless if course it's easier for you to do so. But don't let anyone make you feel bad for showing, if it triggers someone then they can simply click off the video. I think you're brave for showing that even someone recovering still has some bad days. :) I still get urges even now but that's why having pets is great, it's like they know when you're having a shit day. My two cats seem to get very clingy and cuddley when I'm not having a good MH day. I prefer animals to humans any day, haha! 😊 And thank you, sending my love to you back. 🤗Xx
Lysm. You're amazing. also how's Pip Doing because I know she said she relapsed. Because of her relapse are you okay because I know personally others relapses can trigger your own.
We have so many things in common for like mental confusion/difficulties and I need to send you either an email or write you like a super long comment about it. I meant to do it over the summer because there’s a lot of stuff that I feel like we could talk about and bring to light but I kept forgetting and/or procrastinating and it’s annoying because honestly I feel/felt so similarly to you with like the wondering if bpd was a misdiagnosis and then that being confirmed but no definite answers being given. Ahhh rambling. Anyway hopefully I’ll remember to post another comment to you about this because I really do think we could both benefit from a conversation.
Thank you for this video because I've just sent my psychologist an email asking him if I really do really have bpd, gad, panic disorder, dissociation and ptsd?
I was misdiagnosed with bpd for two years on shitty medication and going to terrible therapy that didn't suit me. This summer I was diagnosed with bi polar affective disorder and it all makes sense now and I've been put on really good mood stabilisers instead of anti-depressants which made me worse. Maybe you could be in the bipolar spectrum you should maybe talk to your psychiatrist about it
Trazodone is the best medication I've ever tried! It helps sleep and it helps my mood for real! I think you should try it and be opened about it!! Stay strong💕💓
You seem so down and done with things. Ahhhh dude I want to hug you. Like you seem like things are going in slow motion. I don’t mean to be kinda annoying but I feel that you may be running away from your feelings I’m not a psychiatrist so I don’t have a clue but hold on dude you got this
I took trazadone very briefly, and couldn't handle it. My mind was so fuzzy I couldn't function, couldn't drive, and I felt shaky all the time (like shaky voice, etc.). It has some terrible side effects.
Hey, I stumbled upon your videos and I can relate a lot, especially the one you just uploaded but I was curious if you’ve ever looked into possibly having bipolar? Hope you’re well x
I was misdiagnosed with bpd - but i actually have bipolar disorder. The stigma with bpd is seriously fucked up. Are you thinking you have bipolar too? I am on aripiprazole 20mg and i think i need a mood stabiliser too. If you do have bipolar disorder join the bipolar disorder support group uk on facebook ,its literally saved my life.
