For those with an ED - you're valid at ANY size, because an eating disorder is a MENTAL illness first and foremost. It's based on your mindset and your behaviours before your physical health. Sure, there is a physical component, but that doesn't manifest the same in everyone. I've been in treatment with people who were a "healthy weight", but they were still so ill and at risk to the point where hospitalisation was necessary. On the other hand, some people get to an extremely low weight while still carrying on with their lives and while maintaining a relatively normally functioning body. A doctor who doesn't take you seriously just because of your weight isn't a good doctor. In that case, please do not give up on yourself - PLEASE keep seeking treatment and support. There is minimal training for doctors in eating disorders, and that means that a lot of them can make some really unhelpful and ignorant comments. Don't let that deter you from getting help for the struggle that you KNOW you're going through. Anorexia and Bulimia may be the most well-known eating disorders, but there are so many more that stop people from living their daily lives. Any level of struggle is valid and needs to be addressed. BEAT are a really great UK charity who you can contact to get info on the supports available to you. Bodywhys are the same kind of thing, just based in Ireland. For other countries, I'm sure a Google search will point you in the direction of something similar! Love you Marie, and thank you so much for this super helpful video. I found it really comforting x
You’re right thank you ❤️ When I was hospitalized I was so surprised that they diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa because I thought I wasn’t ill and skinny enough to be called anorexic. But it’s true, a lot of people suffering from an ED think the same thing and I was absolutely convinced I wasn’t part of them because, well, in my mind I didn’t have an ED because I wasn’t thin enough! Anyway thank you ❤️ Also to mention it’s the same thing with basically every mental illness
I definitely feel the pressure to self harm to reassure myself that I’m actually ill; I think I wouldn’t have this thought process if society validated mental illness as serious and important to treat even without any physical symptoms and side effects.
I started because of that and eventually got addicted It’s really because of society, it’s sick when you think about it, because no one should have to feel like they should self-harm in any way or form to be taken seriously
This girl deserves an award, like seriously!!! The amount of people she’s helped over the years is honestly life changing. The list of things I could say this girls done for me is endless❤️ Marie you should be so proud of yourself. Your a inspiring life changing women😊
I've had a therapist at hospital tell me that "it can't be that bad". I wasn't self harming back then but fighting thoughts.. and her not believing me and not taking me seriously pushed me over the edge. Recovery does get a lot harder and takes longer if you need therapy to recover from a past therapists bad word choices first. Dear past therapist: Validation was what I needed. Pretending I'm ok is like closing your eyes and saying someones not there cause you can't see them....
I have a similar story. The very first time I self harmed (not with something sharp but with a pen), the next day I called my University's mental health center. I said I had only self harmed once and the person I saw said "oh okay well..." As if it wasn't enough to count. Since then I've self harmed more and more
Most of my experience with not feeling ‘ill enough’ comes from professionals, I have had some really horrible experiences with not being taken seriously by professionals because I was still going to school, because I only needed to be in A&E and not a general hospital admission after an attempt, etc. When I was 15 I was referred to a counselling charity who didn’t take me on because I was beyond what they deal with apparently, but this meant I didn’t get any help until I ended up in A&E a few months later, so in effect no one would help me until I was in a physical state. I never really feel like I compete with others but I definitely feel like my self harm is never ‘enough’ and don’t seek medical attention even when I definitely should.
I relate so much to that. But you are ill enough, and if you think about it, the fact that you're having these thoughts proves that you are ill and you deserve help. Take care
i’ve definitely felt like this a lot. in A&E one time there was a girl next to me (also there for self harm) and she asked me if this was my first time in hospital for mental health, and i said yes. she then said “oh i’ve been here 6 times in the last month, you should just leave because someone else deserves a bed more than you.” i cried and cried and cried. like why the fuck would you say that. i’m so glad you started a conversation about this, this video was so helpful to me. thank you so much marie, i love youuuuuu xxx
Ive unfortunately felt the pressure to be "more ill" when it comes to mental health. It's only ever been from myself, but it really is something that's hard to push through. Thanks for always covering these topics 🥺💕
i definitely feel like there is competition. i’d say i have high functioning depression - i’m able to go out (well force myself to most days), socialise, do really well at uni etc etc but the stuff that goes on in my mind is worse than people imagine. i sometimes feel like because i can do all these things maybe i’m not as unwell as other people are
I understand what you're going through... Similar to you, 4 years of anti depressives, never missed a day of school even at my worst, when other people skipped days and days for "a bad period"... The only thing I can say, and I know it's easiersaid than done and maybe not very useful, but just don't care about them... Don't care about how other people deal with life depression or whatsoever! Maybe you're stronger then what you think, stronger than other people would be if they were in the same situation than you are. But your feelings and thoughts and emotions are not less valid. One day you'll see how strong you are, and you'll be proud of how you did in the midst of the chaos in your head ❤
Yo, guys, that is so fucking great to hear! I know I've got severe depression and was not functional for years, but am getting back on the horse and finally functional this last years. If you're high functioning, use it to your advantage! I have mild arthritis, and people with severe arthritis may be in more pain, but that does not mean I'm not in horrible pain. Suffering is not a competition. The less of it we have, the better though. Don't ever wish you were more sick. Trust me, when you get to a point where hygiene and living are the last things on your mind, you're not sitting there thinking oh, now I'm really sick enough. I'm a high functioning autistic. Doesn't mean I dont struggle with autism-related issues, but I do struggle less than those who are mild to low functioning. That's okay. I'm glad I get through, I hope they also get through. High functioning means it isnt as debilitating or severe; because like you both said, you manage to do great things like see friends and go to school. However, it is an indication of severity, not suffering. Keep pushing through (: xxx
I've had a licensed psychiatrist tell me to my face that I wasn't suicidal enough for inpatient treatment because I had never attempted before. I told a behavioral consultant that I was suicidal and was inpatient in 8 hours. SOME PEOPLE ARE TRULY TRULY TERRIBLE AT THEIR JOBS AND SADLY THAT INCLUDES MEDICAL AND PSYCHIATRIC PROFESSIONALS, (that was not meant to be in caps soz for yelling) but some people are truly wonderful and helpful and incredible at their jobs. I know it's so hard to get the strength back up when you've been denied/invalidated/rejected but take a minute to cry it out, and remind yourself that there is someone to help. Because you are valid, and your emotions are valid, and you are so worthy of being happy and healthy and at peace with yourself. Please please please take care of yourselves, you are so deserving of recovery no matter how severe your symptoms are. If you're struggling at all, you're struggling, and you don't have to make yourself worse just to be heard, you really don't.
Sarah Jo I feel so sorry for anyone that had to have such bad experiences with professionals because I’ve had such a great one myself I hope you’re doing much better and I wish you the best ❤️❤️
@@hishouha 💕💕 thank you, I'm doing fairly well lately and I'm currently working with professionals who are actually incredible. They're out there for sure sometimes you just gotta keep trying
I’m addicted to self harming because it makes me feel real and I guess it stops me from thinking that I’m not valid. I need it to feel as if I’m ‘ill enough’. The amount of stigma around mental health is disgusting, my family don’t struggle and I’ve always had what I’ve needed and because of this people who don’t have as much as me think that I can’t have anything wrong with me mentally which is probably why I feel I’m never sick enough and I need validation. I hate the way people are judged for having mental health problems when they can’t help it, mental health is the same as normal health in the way it can deteriorate and problems can come up which make someone really ill but mental health is still treated differently which is so wrong.
When you think about it, if you have to self-harm to convince yourself that you’re ill enough to be taken seriously, then it means you’re already very ill and that’s the scariest part Hope you’re doing better❤️❤️
You are loved too, dear! I wish I could give you a real hug and cheer you on, but please know that you are precious, you're beautiful and you're worthy of help and care - even if you can't feel it yourself.
Feeling not ill enough is something I constantly struggle with, because my depression is high-functioning, because I feel like I should not be able to get out of bed and do things to be "ill enough" (not true). I was also once told by a psychologist that even though my assessment results clearly show (moderate) depression, it`s probably not that because I wasn't and luckily never have been suicidal (also so not true, it`s a possible symptom but not required). Because of those things it took me years to reach out for help and I'm still struggling with those thoughts regularly. I am now looking for a therapist to work with, or should be, but there's this voice in the back of my head telling me i don't really need it even when I know and it`s pretty obvious I do.
26 mins of Marie giving the perfect advice. What an absolute legend😊 I frickin love you girl!!!! You’ve saved my life, changed my life, made me feel like a better person and kept me going. I really appreciate you❤️
when she talks about telling her mom about self harming, it got to me because there is truly never a perfect time. my mom found out not by me telling her, but she noticed one day in the car. the second i heard her say to my dad “she sliced herself” my whole body froze. the next 10 minutes of driving was without my dad, but just my mom yelling at me, calling me a disgrace to the family, accusing me of doing it to show my friends, and basically degrading me to fucking filth. but knowing my mom most likely is an untreated bipolar, i thought maybe when she calmed down she would give me some support. for the next few days she said nothing about it, until a morning when she got mad at me and screamed in my room “what are you gonna do in here, chop yourself up?”. and that’s when i officially gave up hope of having any sort of emotional relationship with her. fast forward 5 or 6 months and she finally gets me a therapist, but im at a point where even when she’s being nice to me i can’t stand talking to her because i can only think about her glares and cruel words. right now i live in a sad time where my mom isn’t my friend. so basically i really look up to my therapist because emotionally, she’s more of a mom than mine.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I know how hard it can be to hear words like that from a loved one... Keep safe, do what's best for you for now, your relationship with her will probably get better once you feel better ❤
I had a friend that would compare our self harm scars. She would tell me that she couldn't see them or their not that deep. It made me want to do it even deeper like it was a competition thing.
Going into inpatient for my eating disorder: 1 - because of body dysmorphia I felt like I was not sick enough to be there even though I was close to death. 2: whenever I got out it was a fight to get straight back into my eating disorder because I wanted to be thin enough to be acceptable in inpatient. It was so messed up.
I felt that, I feel that. It used to bring me back to memories I did not want to revisit. Ultimately, when a professional asks about it now I tell them "that's over, I've healed from it. I don't think we'll need to discuss it". They've understood. You could try, with whomever asks (:
Most of my experience of not being ‘ill enough’ comes from MH professionals. The last 3 months have been the lowest time of my life and I’m still in this MH crisis. Basically in 1 week and a half I was admitted to the general hospital 3 times. First one for SH and other 2 for attempts, and after the first one I was referred to crisis (who are as useful as ever....🙃). They saw me after every admission and honestly I felt so ignored and I felt like I was alone and no one was listening to me or cared that I was here. They kept telling me to have a chill night or movie night with friends, do something I enjoy, to self-care etc but I didn’t wanna do any of that. They were irregular with visits and every visit I’d be like I’m SH so much, I feel so suicidal etc but they wouldn’t listen or give me much helpful advice. Anyway, after the 3rd admission they were like we think you might need a short psychiatric hospital admission. I went in voluntarily. I went in at like 1am on Saturday morning. Was out by tuesday morning, spent 3 fucking nights like I know it was meant to be short but that’s so short. I broke down completely in front of one of the nurses, told her I wanted to die, she was appalled and tried to fight for me to stay. It didn’t work. Despite my protests I was let out. Guess what, like 2 days later and another general hospital admission. Crisis came. They were basically so rude, acted like they didn’t know what to do with me. Said to me well we’ve already tried hospital. I was like really? I was there 3 days and nothing happens at the weekend, not even occupational therapy so I basically had nothing. They were like you still tried it😩. Then proceeded to tell me to ‘be kind to myself’.... that’s the last thing I wanna do. I felt so undervalued, a burden and generally like I had no one. I broke down to a junior doctor (I think she is) that I kinda know now I guess at the hospital. Obviously she can’t go against there decision but she was so nice and also appalled at the behaviour. I am now so done and feel so unwell I don’t want help and I’m stuck in this cycle of not going longer than 2 days without SH and hiding it. That time was probably the worst experience of my life. I’m constantly treated as if I’m not ill enough. Marie, you and others like Pip are honestly so lovely and inspirational, I love your RU-vid and instagrams and I’m so happy your in a great place💙 and I hope pip gets better soon. I only wish I could be half as strong as you guys. P.S. sorry for the long rant😂🤦♀️
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for ten years and i do still struggle with the "not being ill enough" thing. I've never needed to be admitted, all my self harm has been "superficial" It is easier to accept now that i have an illness that will probably be there for the rest of my life and my needs are just as valid as anyone else. You are 100% right about the superficial thing too, physically mine has always been superficial and healed quickly but calling it superficial completely dismisses the mental and emotional pain which always takes much longer and is actually the cause.
I’m currently in a situation where I’m “too ill” for primary care but “not ill enough” for secondary care to take me on so I’m being bounced between them both for assessments every few months but not getting any actual treatment for about a year
Imogen Graice I hear this a lot from people from the USA, is that where you’re from? In the UK it’s a definite “not ill enough” mentality due to public health and poor funding.
This is my favourite video of yours so far. My mum has mental health issues which impacted me growing up. I then started self harming, had anorexia for 4 years. During this time she never took me to the doctors or any professional help. I first saw a counsellor myself in uni which helped a lot. I moved away from my mum and I got better but she left my dad and moved near me again. Her behaviours triggered my mental health recently at the beginning of December. I then found your videos whilst in my darkness. I told my mum that I didn’t feel right and again she did nothing to help me, she simply said I don’t know what you mean and changed the subject. She then proceeded to talk about her own issues. We haven’t spoken now for a few weeks because I can’t let her keep triggering me. But my husband on the other hand has been the biggest source of strength I’ve ever had. Her behaviour has made me see him in a completely new light because he helped me start to get better. I’m having more good days than bad now and maybe because my mum has gone. Maybe we won’t speak again but for now I take each day as it comes. Thankyou for all your videos and insight. It really helped me during this time xx Lauren
I also know the feeling... I also self-harmed but it was very superficial and didn't leave any scars, so I still struggle sometimes with not feeling valid to say that I self harmed or that I didn't feel well. I did seek help but my GP said that self harming didn't suit me, I think mainly because there was no underlying disorder, which was very odd for me to hear. Fortunately I did get better :) sometimes I still struggle with the urge but it gets less and less and I am very gratefull it didn't get worse and worse. Thank you for making this video! Everybody is valid in their own struggle ❤ I wish everybody strength and validation!
I’ve definitely felt this way, for me it’s always just feeling like I’m stuck in the middle of a spectrum. I either need to just be better and be perfect in every single way so I think I can make everybody happy or I need to be extremely ill, it feels like I’m not good enough or poor enough to do anything
100% there is competition, that nobody really talks about. I remember being in high school and my SH wasn't as bad as my friends and it drove me to feel even more worthless and alone and to SH harder or better which is so messed up. I remember binging and purging and having such body dysmorphia that I'm only just dealing with now years later, but that slipping through the cracks because physically I didn't look like I suffered from any of that. Thank you for bringing awareness
I want to point out that it is really important to not question your own "illness" (I am not good at englisch, hope it makes sense) because if you feel like you need help - you need help. Because if you Think "oh this person is more ill than me" - it may be true. Maybe this Person also struggled to get help when the illness started. Yo you have to get help to prevent that it gets worse.. Love to everyone!
7:54 - 8:54. This was probably one of the biggest pieces of advice I ever heard. We obsess so much over how “bad” our scars need to be, or how other people might not take us seriously because they’re not “bad enough”, yet if a few years ago before I even started, someone simply said to me they were doing that, I wouldn’t even think for one second to not take them seriously no matter what their scars looked like.
I have noticed that people and professionals only care about mental health patients and treat them when it effects them physically. Which still shows the misconceptions on mental disorders especially most mental health campaigns always focus on the physical side of it
I think a huge part of the problem is the restriction to accessing services, such as only receiving eating disorder treatment if you're below BMI X or only being allocated a CPN once you've had an incident. So many people are then desperate for help and are made to feel they can't be sick enough as they can't access services. They then feel they have to compete to meet these 'criteria' so services take them seriously. It would be far more helpful if people were supported right at the early stages before people's situation deteriorates
I really wish you were like the nations ambassador for mental health or something. The fact that stigma even exists in 2020 is staggering. Mental Health should be treated with respect like physical health. You speak with so much heart.
26 minutes!! You’ve just absolutely blessed me, seeing you posted honestly made my breakdown stop 🤍 love you lots marieee xx (therapy tomorrow and might be getting put in a phyc ward and I’m absolutely terrified but at least I’ll have your videos to get me through)
Oh lord I felt this and related to the comments so much. I’m at a healthy weight but still struggle with my eating. I’ve never self harmed severely or very frequently but I defiantly feel the need to do it more to prove to myself that I really am ill or to prove to the future me that I really was suffering. I feel like if it’s not deep enough that I’ve failed. Honestly I feel like I need to make myself sicker which sounds so twisted but I feel like I don’t want to get better. I feel like I’m not worthy of having mental health issues and that others suffer worse than me so I don’t deserve to complain or have help. I contacted childlines online service and I once had someone tell me it wasn’t an emergency and the line was for emergencies and I understand they are doing their job but I felt so invalidated and stupid for even trying to reach out. ah mental health is a pain in the backside
I always remember the first time i had an assessment after opening up for the first time in years and she handed me back the paper and it said 12 years of superficial self harm gp to deal no need for mental health services input i literally broke down and sent me on a downward spiral i felt totally dismissed me and told me to go to the doctors for them to sort a prescription. Once when i was an inpatient i liked to keep my scars covered and another patient who’d seen me with my arms uncovered came up to me and said look I’ve hurt myself today she explained how to me and I’ve got a scar like you now. I remember i just broke down and stayed in my room because I didn’t want someone to copy me or think that scars were an achievement it played on my mind so much x
The punch in the stomach is so true. I’ve gained weight recently and when people tell me I look well, I honestly die a little bit more inside. I know people are trying to be nice but it’s so hard to explain that mentally I’m the sickest I’ve ever been 🙁
I experienced nearly everything you talked about from not feeling sick enough to wanting to copy other peoples symptoms in order to get taken seriously. It's so common, as sad as it is. To everyone, if you struggle, YOU ARE VALID! You deserve a great life and to be happy, unconditionally! You deserve this. By just living on this planet you deserve this. If you think that others have it worse, remember that others have it much better too, and you all deserve to be as far on the positive side of this spectrum as possible!
Lack of validation is what holds me back and has me keeping my mouth shut. My goodness did i relate to the part where you talked about finally opening up and telling someone and them ignoring you. It shuts you down.
I am diagnosed with ASD, BPD, eupd, anxiety and depression and keep getting pushed from pillar to post by GP / IAPT who told me at IAPT primary care i was to complex a case for them so got referred to secondary care again was told i'm too complex a case there for referred to Tertiary care only to be told i'm not dead enough to warrant help / support, hence going missing started and its only now after 13 going missing episodes i'm getting support
I've had this experience of being pushed around different services and having nothing done for me. It feels so shit to be told that you're "too complex" just because you have multiple diagnoses. It really knocks your confidence when all you want is to be listened to. I'm sorry you had this happen too, but I'm glad that you're getting support now. Hugs to you!
I hate to admit it, but internalised competition is a huge thing for me. I recently had a friend go inpatient for the first time, and it set off so many awful feelings for me because I was in so much chronic pain and her getting all the help she needed whilst my care team refused me treatment that they had previously promised broke my heart. She was completely deserving of all the help she was getting, but my brain immediately considered doing all manner of awful things to get myself hospitalised. I desperately wanted the help but was too scared of asking for it
I saw a quote ages ago which said ‘telling someone they can’t be sad because someone has it worse, is like telling someone they can’t be happy because someone has it better’ I feel like this is fitting as many people are told they aren’t ‘sad’ enough to go and get help
I have very bad anxiety and panic attacks and if you’re not wanting to ki// yourself than they don’t give you the help! Like your analogy of someone breaking a leg in one spot or two it still hurts and that is the same with mental health no matter what it is you have you still hurt !
You are so inspirational Marie! I love you and your videos, love watching them in the evening, especially on the harder days and it helps so much. I think most of us can relate to feeling invalidated by someone we love and trust. I've personally had it from several people on several different occassions about a couple of things and you're right, it is so heart wrenching to hear. Society has become more like shells and with all these stereotypes, stigmas and expectations, those shells have been filled with gosh knows what... People aren't themselves anymore and it is because of the pressure and the stigmas. It's sad...really sad.
I'm 33 now, a mum and I haven't self harmed for years, however I still feel ashamed and embarrassed that my cuts were only 'superficial', I have no scars now and I still find myself downplaying the problems that I had. I know it's ridiculous but like you said, it's the nature of mental illness. I know I am lucky that I haven't suffered in the way many people have and I am truly grateful that I am able to function better these days in many ways than I used to, although some days I feel like I'm barely living.
Hi loves, what are some other amazing channels like Marie and Pip’s channels? I’ve watched every single video like 3x lol I need some new content! Thanks 😊💜
Literally I hate reading these comments and seeing how much this goes on!! I was told I wasn’t ill when I went to the doctors with depression and anxiety, was only ill enough when I actually attempted to harm myself. Your videos are so inspirational, so much love💕you need so much more recognition than you get💗
hi Marie, I have never seen your channel before today, but out of luck, this video was in my recommended. I watched every minute of it and it really hit home for me, and honestly made me kind of emotional. This topic is not spoken about nearly enough as it should be, and its a topic that has strongly affected the way I compare myself to others. I remember in middle school when almost everyone surrounding me began to feel all these emotional symptoms leading them to conclude a diagnosis (whether by a professional or not) and there was a clear competition of who was the most "mentally ill", mostly from what belief was rooted from attention-seeking. I watched people be invalided for their personal problems. Whether diagnosed or not, if you feel something, it's valid. But at the same time, there's no good reason for anyone to invalidate someone for any reason. Since then, (and it's been a while since I'm in college now), I have been close to silent about my own personal struggles, which I've had for as long as I can remember. I don't tell people because I'm afraid they'll think I'm making it up, or fabricating the truth (not that I really think my friends would doubt me, but at the thought of there being even a 1% chance of that holds me back cause it would kill me inside). Anyway, sorry to write an essay but I just wanted to let you know that this video really touched me, and to anyone reading this, please take this message to heart and consider next time you hear of someone's illness. It really can affect a person over time, and every single person makes a difference in a person's confidence and trust.
I went to a friend about my self harm but they went completely against my wishes and told my school who then told my parents and one of the things my mum said to me was “that was silly wasn’t it”. I don’t talk to the person anymore because I could never forgive them for that. If anything it made me want to do it more.
Hi! Love your channel! I’m really sorry that when the nurse wrote you had superficial wounds. I think they may have been categorizing the wound for what kinds of tools they need to fix it. But who knows . I’m sorry you struggle with self harm but I can relate. I struggle ever day. Best of luck!
It’s a weird feeling; feeling like you need to be more ill to get more/better help or for no reason at all. I got through this almost everyday and I know that hundreds of thousands people who understand. Self-harm and eating disorders are bad enough as it is but when you feel like you’re not good enough at damaging/harming yourself it becomes so much worse. Babycut syndrome is a common name for feeling like your self-harm is not severe enough. Please, please reach out if you’re struggling even a little bit with anything ask for help. We cannot go through this alone.
It’s so horrible, I feel whenever I say I feel unwell and I don’t “look” unwell I feel as though people think I’m lying or something, the broken leg analogy is perfect. I feel it stems from people’s perception and attitude towards the whole thing. Society’s programmed somehow to judge a person’s illness based on how “sick” they look to them, so mental health suffers have internalised that and used it to determined whether they are deserving of help or not and the competition is like “if I stand out as “more” ill I’ll finally deserve attention and help, It’s sad. Regardless of if people “look” ill or not people keep refusing to recognise the unseen severities until it’s too late. Thank you Marie for all you do, you’re a star 🌟. You all are such strong warriors ♥️♥️♥️
I keep feeling the pressure to be ‘more ill’ for doctors to truly believe the extent of my mental health. I don’t self-harm but I pull out my hair every day and I pick at scratches and scans to the point where I’m making myself bleed everyday. I get suicidal thoughts every week and when I finally went to the hospital because I was scared I was going to attempt something they told me that there wasn’t much they could do except increase my medicine that doesn’t work in the first place. I genuinely though I was going crazy thinking that mental health was a competition. Thank you so much for making this video - it’s given me a piece of mind ❤️
I mean I want to get better but I don’t really know how to. My self harm is progressively getting worse but I do feel that it not “deep” enough. (Gonna put a trigger warning here because want to talk freely and I’m not too sure how far I’ll go) It’s not like they’re scratches, they draw blood and some of my scars that are 3 months old haven’t faded like at all. And compared to a lot of pictures online they are “deeper” but I don’t feel worthy enough of help because I have never had huge gaping cuts. And I think part of the reason I kind of want to get to that stage is so that I will be taken seriously. It’s a bad situation because half of me wants to recover now but the other half wants to get worse. Hope this weird dis functional comment helped someone out there. Stay strong xx
this video helped me a lot. and the same thing happened to me, the first time my mom took me to the ER, the doctor saw my scars and wrote superficial. it just made me wonder how i could self harm to make my scars deeper. it's incredibly toxic and doctors should learn how to be more gentle about mental health. the nurse that took care of me was actually so nice and most of the psychiatrist idon't
My experience with not being good enough or not being ill enough came from my school councillor when I was 14 I was self harming at the time and one of my friends told her and she just said they're not that bad, your fine, stop doing it because your going to get called a freak. How much impact one person can have on you is awful, you are enough so keep fighting 💞
This video gave me the push to email a therapist I was looking at. She is a bit too expensive for me but her look makes me comfortable. When I would look through therapists online I would judge them. Thinking they are fake and wouldn't help me. Or just looked like assholes. Lol. But I wanted to say thank you for giving me the push I needed to contact someone. Though even if it is only for one session.
I've had an eating disorder and my GP (doctor) said I wasn't "poorly enough" to get help. I only received help when I was on deaths door and it's fucking disgusting the way the systems work these days.
Competition isn't something I personally experience but for those that do and don't feel worthy of help, just remember that if someone were to have cancer, they wouldn't wait until it's stage 4 to "deserve" chemo, they deserve it NOW and at any stage throughout their illness just the way that people with mental health struggles do
Thankyou so much! 💞 The way you express what it's like to experience a serious mental illness is so poignant... You are helping so many people, including myself. Thankyou thankyou thankyou!! ❤️💚💛
this is so real & i struggle with it so much. i work at a mental health treatment center and so i see some of the worst of the worst situations and it constantly makes me feel like my struggles aren’t valid and i shouldn’t go get help unless it’s worst. i feel like my feelings have never been taken seriously because i haven’t been super extreme and it makes me want to take more extreme actions so people will take me seriously
Completely understand the point about feeling you have to show how depressed you are. I remember getting discharged from crishit team with no where else to turn too other than my GP again, and saying to my mum ‘what do I need to do to be taken seriously by them.’ Ended up back under their care again 2 weeks later after ending up in A&E. Then ended up being admitted into a psych hospital after yet again them trying to discharge me. Breaks my heart though thinking about what I done to myself within that 2 weeks just to be seen as being ‘ill’.
Definitely relate. I used to sh with a pin and would always fight with myself on needing to stop and not being ill enough until I moved to knives and razors and from there the standard for being "ill enough" would constantly be on a move up. I think the idea of not being ill enough definitely led to things escalating. At this point its that I'm not ill enough until I'm dead. Trying to get better and not live life like I'm going to die soon. Live as if I won't end it and can get better.
Dealing with mental health in Suffolk is a wild ride.. go to a&e because I’m suicidal and cos I haven’t got a knife sticking out of me they palm me off.. I had an absolute melt down in front of a psychologist and was told I was ‘too unwell’ for an action plan.. the crisis team discharged me a few days later as I wasn’t ‘suicidal enough’.. three days after that I was sectioned by police and taken to the mental health hospital but released because i again.. wasn’t ‘suicidal enough’ even though my mum begged them to not discharge me.. they ordered me a taxi home and it didn’t even take me to the right address.. it’s a joke! I’m not cutting deep enough, I’m not suicidal enough or am too suicidal for help apparently.. if you think about it, ITS MAD!
This was so needed ! Right time completely. I always feel like I have to prove myself and make myself seem worse just to get help because no one gets it at times and thinks I’m just ‘another teenage girl with anxiety’ but it’s so much more complex !!
People always think it's easier for others then for them, mental health related or not! You can't blame them, people can't know what it's like when they haven't experienced it themselves ... For example, your friend has the flue, you -or at least I and most people- would be like it's a bad moment you'll get better, when in reality this friend is feeling like he's dying. Honestly, and I know it's easier said than done, but forget about what people think. Find a therapist that believes you, validates you, where you feel like you don't need to overact to feel understood. But other people's opinions or thoughts? ➡🚽
Amy Gn hundred percent. Like you said though, it’s difficult when you have anxiety it’s very hard to not care what people think ! I just focus on myself right now and that’s the best thing for me right now. Thanks for your comment , it’s insightful x
Honestly I have found this video so helpful and relatable. I’ve had depression and anxiety on going for about 8 years now. I still struggle with feeling validated and “ill enough”. Thank you for this ❤️
REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU FEEL, YOU STILL FEEL IT. IT IS REAL TO YOU, NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL THE PROBLEM. DONT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR FEELING SOMETHING THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
This topic has been on my mind all week. I haven't thought my symptoms are a valid excuse to be struggling in grad school or at work. In college and especially grad school, it seems everyone is depressed and anxious. Most people probably have mild to moderate anxiety and depression, and I know what that is like, but I have also have had a few major depressive episodes where I could barely eat or walk for at least a month. I feel the competition because in school the professors cannot give everyone with anxiety and depression extra time and treat them like individuals because that would be more than half the class. My mental health, I felt, had to be the verge of death in order for it to be a disability or for accommodations to be valid. I have been slowly killing myself the last year, I don't eat (still trying to figure out if that is OCD, depression or an eating disorder) and it has gotten to the point where I feel better when I am thinking of ways I could die. I am trying to believe my depression is bad enough, my family wanting to hospitalize or live with me should have validated it, but I am meeting with my professor and the school disability center to see if it is worse than most students and is bad enough.
I have difficulty getting therapists to help me because I haven’t self-harmed and yet I know I cannot carry on in a healthy, productive manner if my thoughts continue. Like Marie said, this is not a competition. I try to seek help simply because I feel that I am constantly running from my thoughts and arguing with myself. Not everyone has taken me seriously but there’s always someone who will listen and help. Hang on and keep searching for that help because you are worthy
I know what you mean. I don't have a big self harm problem and I still have a really strong depression right now .. Just because other people can't see it, it does not mean you are not suffering. You hurt yourself too - just in your head only !
When a professional writes “superficial” about self harm they are referring to the degree of the physical wound/‘s (the ones they’ve seen). Which is BS as it doesn’t reflect the mental suffering. But that’s what they mean. They just mean you don’t need life saving treatment with immediate effect to treat the wound.
The stigma from mental health professionals is so toxic. I cant tell you how many times I've heard, "Well I dont want to diagnose you with ___ because it is a very serious disorder and I want to try ___ first." It invalidates mental illness and for me it led to 10 years of self harm. Professionals were fine with acknowledging my depression/anxiety, but when it came to borderline personality, bipolar and PTSD, they almost WANTED to not diagnose me as to seem that they 'fixed' me before I got to that point of 'needing' the diagnosis. It wasnt until I finally had a psych that wasnt afraid to diagnose me with these illnesses and recognized I had them immediately that I was able to start recovery and felt I wasnt insane and thinking I was worse than I really was.
I cannot thank you enough for this video! I've been beating myself up about this subject and you made me feel less of a fake patient, less of just an "attention-seeker". You are an amazing person and I wish you all the best. Keep fighting this fight, we need you ❤️
I’ve been in a depressive period the past two weeks, only just starting to come out of it now. Your videos have helped me through it, even when I’ve been unable to get up, eat, brush my teeth, shower etc. I’ve been struggling with this “competition” idea in my own head, seeing my state and being diagnosed with MDD and GAD - sometimes I think to myself that they’re not even a big deal, so many people suffer and Im feeling like I’m not ill enough. It’s been about 1.5 year since I last SH and I’ve had so many urges since then to do it again and the only reason I don’t is that I don’t want my boyfriend to come home from work and see what I’ve done (I can’t exactly hide my body from someone who sees it pretty much everyday and every part of it lmao). I’ve also just been removed from my old GP surgery because I don’t fall in the catchment area anymore and the stress of finding another Dr who understands me and knows my overarching story and problems is going to be tough. Thank u for putting such real and inspirational videos out there, I admire your strength sooo much 💖💖 P.s. on an unrelated note: can u do a fake tan routine, urs always looks so slick and flawless 🥺🥺
Regarding the "punch in the stomach" and what you was saying. I totally agree with what you said and totally relatable to me. No one seems to care about me self harming. Dr as in GP, last week when I saw him said "yeah, it's just superficial". Wow! Thanks for your help doc!. Just makes me want to do something worse.
my girlfriend has an eating disorder and she's in treatment and I have bpd and with that disordered eating which ive never really felt valid about bc its a symptom of bpd but last fall I was doing very poorly and I would faint nearly every time I got angry and I remember her saying she felt like her eating disorder wasnt bad enough because she had never fainted but I think some people have lived at such a low weight for so long that their body has gotten used to it so I can imagine they might not faint at all or as much but my weight loss and gain have always been rather rapid so my body handled it differently. Just because your symptoms are different than someone elses whos "more sick" or "been sick longer" doesnt mean theyre not there doesnt mean theyre not hurting you doesnt mean you dont deserve help. you always deserve help and support
I feel like people compete or feel pressure to be the worst mentally because so many people judge people who aren’t suffering with what they see as a severe even though they can be suffering silently and therefore people hideaway and then become so mentally drained and end up in a bad state and a unsafe place and then can still feel judged ☺️
I use the competition, as deep down I probably know I need help but I see people who suffer with problems like psychosis etc and I convince myself that I’m not ill enough and only will be if I’m found lying unconscious in a ditch even though I self harm daily and have attempted before. I don’t what to do.
The fact that in this day and time - any type of mental health not being validated and recognized for what it actually is, is heartbreaking.. I can definitely relate to the feeling of feeling not "ill enough" and doesn't deserve to be helped because there's wayyy more people out there that could use it more and who needs it more, but that doesn't make my situation less valid.. My self harm has definitely gotten worse in the last couple of weeks and my anxiety has gone skyrocket - especially at school, since I've been at home for so long because of covid.. this is not the the first time I have SH, but its definitely worse than he first time.. I have noticed I've compared my scars to others and thought mine's not that bad and that I should do more.. I hate that this competition thing exists, but I guess it cant be helped since its a natural human thing to do - be at war with everyone. Anyways, sorry for the ramble, just a lot on my mind.
i feel like self harming was my way of validating my mental illness to myself. no one else has ever seen them, they're just kind of for me, because i feel guilty about being ill and sometimes i feel like im lying to myself and making an excuse when i say i can't do this or that because of bdd/anxiety/depression. i guess its internalised shame from all the stigma and discrimination surrounding mental illness. when everyone tells you you're making shit up you start to question if you are, if you're just a weak person. im tired of trying to explain and prove to people that im ill, my illnesses may be invisible but no less serious and life threatening.
I completely feel this like I felt like I had to self harm even more than I did last time for the crisis unit to notice how bad I’m getting and how bad I’m hurting and I always felt so invalidated. I never really realized that it can get kinda like a “competition” but I completely get what you’re saying. Sometimes I feel that my therapist doesn’t actually notice how bad I actually am.
Also, you are so incredibly amazing and helpful and at such a young age. I think you would be a great mental health professional, a motivational speaker, an author, the list goes on and on. The sky is the limit and I am so happy you were able to hit recovery. You are reaching so many people and anytime you struggle please remember that.
Thanks for this video, it's very true and the fact that a lot of mental illness isn't clearly visible is the most difficult thing about it - it's like you have to do serious physical harm to yourself before you're taken seriously... It's very sad. Thanks for all of your videos though, you're amazing.
I had a similar experience with a psychiatrist, she is really good, but in our first appointment she was asking about my self-harm and if it was superficial, and I got super defensive because up until then it was my only validation that I was actually sick.
Definitely feel the competition aspect. Both my sisters and I deal with MH issues, but I’m the only one who hasn’t been hospitalized. I definitely feel like they think my bipolar isn’t all that bad as their bipolar and bpd, but they don’t know about nearly any of the issues I go through because I hide it from them
A few months ago my CAMHS team decided I needed to be admitted to hospital for my weight and physical obs so they sent me to A&E but when I got there I got turned away because there weren't enough beds and other people were worse than me and since then its been so hard for me to recover coz part of me wants to prove im ill enough but then the other part doesn't want to get admitted. xx
I always have struggled with competition mostly regarding self harm. When I had the first appointment with my therapist she asked me if I self harmed and I said yes and when she asked me to show her my arms she just said "oh that could've been worse. I mean you don't really see it in the first moment". Immediately I thought that it hadn't been enough and it's not bad enough. But I'm learning and am trying to grow over that feeling. I got diagnosed with cyclothymia a few weeks ago and my therapist told that it's not thaaat bad of an illness which is really a bad thing to say in my opinion. For the ones who don't know : cyclothymia is kinda like a bipolar personality disorder but not as strong. If you don't do anything to get better it can evolve into a bipolar personality disorder, so my thought was to quit therapy to let it get worse .!!!!!!!!! WHICH IS ABSOLUTLY WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! But I just wanted to say that you all are not alone and we need to fight against these thoughts bc we don't deserve to be ill and sad. It's definetly not easy but we got the power and strength we need, we just need to find it❤️❤️ also I got a psychiatrist appointment soon and I'm a little scared..... Anyone can tell me whats most likely gonna happen? What's the process?
alive .mp3 Basing off my experience, the first appointment is all about collecting history and getting as much background as they could along with current things. When I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist I was totally expecting immediate help, but no. I had to wait another month I believe to go back and give more information. I really didn’t get prescribed meds until I think my 3rd or 4th appointment. So I waited for months to get treatment and it was miserable. Once I got past all the collection of history that’s when I started getting help. It’s honestly so freaking ridiculous! I love my psychiatrist but I feel like she doesn’t know as much as a therapist would because usually therapy is every week and a psychiatry appointment is 1+ months. I think whats really helpful is if you have a therapist and your psychiatrist team up and talk to each other once in a while. It really helps if you are able to do that because it’s really the therapist that knows more about what’s going on because in an appointment with a psychiatrist it’s only like 30 mins which IS NOT enough time to talk everything through. It was my therapists every time that got me admitted into inpatient. I feel like therapists take things a little more seriously than Psychiatrists, that’s what it seems like to me in my past situations. I hope your experience is different and are able to get help faster.
This video speaks to me so much. I’ve gone through so many different people & professionals telling me I wasn’t sick enough, and no one seems to get how crushing this is. Some of the things you said, I think I really needed to hear today. Thanks for sharing this with us, it’s made my day💕
This is exactly what I needed right now, my doctor referred me for some dbt recently. I had a screening test to make sure I was right for it and was told I wasn't well enough at the moment and to see a doctor the next day. I didn't do it as I didn't believe I was ill enough to be seen so urgently so I have just accepted that I'm not going to get help. This video has encouraged me to at least get a none emergency appointment as why would the person at the screening test have said that if they didn't mean it or didn't think I needed help? Thank you so much
Anytime it hurts, anytime it makes your heart *hurt*, it is legitimate. I don't, I cannot ever imagine why anyone would feel there is a standard, a level of "acceptable" pain. There isn't. Truly. Also, if you were diagnosed with high functioning and moderate forms of an illness, your chances of recovery are really positive. My story's a bit different. Keep in mind, I don't use social media so I don't have any experience in being made to feel not "ill enough". I'm THE girl that is quite ill. I dealt with depression early on, was self harming (in many ways) around age 10 and was assaulted around that time as well. Though bipolar disorder usually arises in early adulthood, the diagnosis was given to me at 15. After being admitted twice to the teens psychiatry ward, they told me they've done everything they could for me and I should seek further help in a specialised clinic. For all those of us who don't feel ill enough, which usually means you have high functioning to moderate depression, I can assure you, there is absolutely nothing to envy. I mean, my childhood and adolescence were completely stolen from me.... when everyone was learning how to drive, I was in hospital. When everyone was partying and mingling, I was sulking at home. When everyone was at the beach, I'd be in long sleeves. When everyone was sexing and graduating, I was in hospital.... I'm actually tearing up Because trust me, past the point of being very ill, you just don't UNDERSTAND how you're supposed to live with these shitty ass cards you're dealt. Oh guys... seriously, if you're high functioning, use it to your advantage. If your problem is that you need attention and care, go for it. If you need meds, consult a psych. If you feel like harming yourself, confide in a professional. And so on and so forth. When you're so, so ill and for so long Nothing, absolutely nothing makes sense or has a purpose. Live just isn't worth living at all. If you've been there, I hope you got out. Mostly, I pray you dont go through it. Being this ill Is very painful... Between treatment resistant depression and bipolar ii, I'm 19 and genuinely, legitimately helpless. There is little I can do before resorting to ECT and ketamine and stuff. So honestly, please don't ever wish you were ill enough. Severity labels are important because they're indicators of how to help the patient. Just because you aren't inpatient or haven't attempted to end your life doesn't mean you aren't suffering. You do not NEED to be that ill to be suffering Nor do you need to be that ill to go to therapy. I'm sad to learn this is a problem on social media. I cannot imagine anyone with any degree of or specific mental illness feeling like they're not ill enough. One of the things that makes me very very sad, is that my past is so heavy and pain filled that I cannot really tell people my story without burdening or saddening them. I so do not wish anyone to feel like that, and I'm glad it's not the widest spread case. You don't have to be the bipolar girl with PTSD who was raped, or the schizophrenic guy who doesn't live in the real world, the severely depressed person doing ECT, or the person with scars all over their body. Don't let anyone take away the validity of your pain. For each of us, our only reference frame is our past. Maybe the hardest thing I've gone through is losing my pet, and that does not compare to someone losing a loved one, but I am rightfully pained and heartbroken by it. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Just keep fighting and healing. sending you all love xxx
Thank you so much, marieroseeee, for making this video, this is a so important topic to talk about. I think very very many can relate to it, I know I can. And I think there are many reasons for it. That you feel like you can't do anything right, not even being ill. That you put yourself down for handling things so badly even though you're not "that ill", so surely you must be weak, which in your mind probably is the worst thing you could ever be. That so many people will say that everyone has hard times in their life, still they get on with their lives so why don't you just get yourself together. Maybe you think the same thing yourself too, so you have to prove both to yourself and to others that you really can't, and that you really need help. That you're scared of not being taken seriously and not get help. And sadly, that's reality, so many people experience this. I've had my therapist tell me that I had go because I wasn't that ill anymore, and they needed to give my place to a new person. And though I can understand that as well, it's so damaging. Then in the other end, I've also had a professional tell me, like you mentioned too, that "you really don't want to have that, cause that's very serious and people have it for life". (Apparently it was a very popular disorder at the time.) As if I'd _want_ to have any disorder?? But at the time, I wanted very very much to figure out what exactly was wrong with me, why I was feeling the way I was, and hopefully - hopefully - find out that I wasn't just a misfit, a hopeless case, a pathetic drama queen who couldn't handle anything and was feeling sorry for herself. I wonder if anyone who goes to see a doctor because they've found a bump in their breast is told that "you really don't want to have cancer, cause that's a very serious illness" and dismiss them with that.
This video is amazing, like when I’m around people that struggle with mental health like me or in hospital I feel like if I’m worse then them then maybe people will see that I’m not right, maybe people will understand that I need help x
This video has come at the perfect time🤍I have my last session of DBT tomorrow and I’m struggling to want to get better without having hit ‘rock bottom’ first- obviously very unhealthy thinking but veryyy common yet I haven’t spoken about it with anyone. Thank you for this
I feel like every video is sooo helpful, like, you talk about things i always think about, and it makes me feel understood when you talk about x or y mental health topics in your videos Thank you Marie
Oh my gosh. Just started the video but I had to comment, at 5:05 - I relate so fkin much, because the first time I went into hospital, I had to show the crisis team my arms and they were filling in my details & I heard them mutter to each other "oh she has superficial cuts" and the other shitty experience was when I was getting dressed in their hospital gown (had to strip infront of the nurse because they need to check that you don't bring in anything sharp/harmful) and she looked at my arms and blatantly asked "did you TRY to cut yourself?" bc my scars weren't *that bad*. That shitty fking feeling and I couldn't stop comparing myself to other people in the ward who had self harmed. Sigh sometimes even mental health workers fail us/are not empathetic when we need them to be.
