personally I get why you're scared of recovery but you're so SO strong and ur doing a great job and im sooo proud of youuuu♡ you're doing amazing and you will get over this and again I know it's scary but we will be here next to you every step of the way lou
Im so related to this bc sometimes i think with myself like maybe i dont wanna get better? My last 3 years where hospitals, ECT treatments that f** my memory, staying in bed all day, sleeping so late, thats all iv known An in not telling anyone that i wanna stay sick, no, i wanna get better. I do. Im just so scared of it. Everytime i feel a bit better it hits me: no way. I cant feel better. That means that i have to be a normal 22 y.o now? Start studying? Working? Having friends? No!!! So then i make my self feel bad again. Bc there is no "better". For me, life wont change. Itll be like that forever. I want to feel better. But at the same time, i really, really dont . Different is scary. And i dont want that.
Thank you. The insight of “scared of not knowing who I might become” hit me hard, it puts into words why I resist the idea of meds, even as every day is still difficult to get through.
If ever you feel like you don’t know who you are when you’re getting better, just keep in mind that you’re growing and future you will be happier and healthier
little late to this ik but... i can understand that feeling of being iffy about recovery, though i don't have BPD i still do have my identity so heavily attached to my unhealthier days and it just pains me to be feeling "better", bc yknow i never really got support until professionals came into play and being "better" to me feels like being a snail without it's shell, but i guess there will come a time where i have to grow another, less unsafe, shell for myself. though i ha7en't supported you for longer than others, witnessing your growth has not only been insightful but inspiring. i am 7ery proud of you Lou. i can tell this (mo7ing from threshold) will be a big milestone and i am so happy for you, and if anything doesn't go as planned we all got your back homie. ( also love the crystal box u made wtf where can i buy it XD )
Maybe try and see if you can find an alternate school program. I live in BC as well and it helped me graduate on time after having been dropped out for about a year. It was self paced, and if I was having a bad mental health day, the staff were so nice and understanding about it and would take me for a walk and we would talk about what was bothering me. Definitely worth looking into!
you should make an online shop to sell art! I think It would be really good for u and maybe you can put a limit to how many art things u sell at once so you dont get overwhelmed
