Midweek with Dr. C- The Many Side Effects Of Narcissism

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29 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 208

@brucefriedman1 19 дней назад

Narcissism is rooted in a commitment to self-preservation and personal gain at all costs, the effect of which is a compromised belief in fair play by its victims. Narcissists perceive this as a weakness as well as an ability to silence dissent.

@malwads1836 19 дней назад

"A commitment to self-preservation and personal gain at all costs"...These nasty screwballs are the epitome of exactly what it is to be a con artist in it's purest most ruthless form.

@daphnejordana86 19 дней назад

They'll still try to argue or be condescending, but a good response to gaslighting IMHO is "we remember things differently"

@michellehill718 19 дней назад

@@daphnejordana86 Excellent response indeed! I am going to start using that one immediately! Lol ❤️

@amandaliverpool3374 18 дней назад

@@michellehill718 Agreed 👍

@judysimmons2771 16 дней назад

O man I have a renter I've asked to leave .. He is refusing and he is doubling down about refusing to accept he has to leave....guess I'm filing an official complaint and eviction notice. I just got more uncomfortable viewing guns in his room.

@tinalaursen8993 15 дней назад

That's what Trudeau says! 😮😂

@aaronkwolfe 19 дней назад

What's the difference between a bad person and a narcissist? A bad person has limits.

@amandaliverpool3374 19 дней назад

True 👍

@agak61 19 дней назад

Because bad person goes to prison?

@jean17708 18 дней назад

⁠@@agak61some narcissist should go to prison!

@RatedArggg 17 дней назад

There are skid marks in front of the snake.

@keyaolson991 17 дней назад

The narc takes bad and exaggerates it into diabolical ,pure evil !

@Angela-ul9si 19 дней назад

I just want to say thank you so very much dr. C your channel has been such game changer for me and my perspectives on my personal healing journey. Your channel is unlike any other channel to me anyways. I focus on me more than I ever have in my entire 49 years of living. I now realize that my feelings and opinions do matter to me and are very important and I will not allow others to cross the boundaries that I have created and set in stone. I am happy to be me and I love myself now. It took me a very longtime to get here but I’m here now and it feels so lovely and it’s a new kind of wonderful for me. Thank you so very much 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼. I am so grateful for team healthy 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

@SurvivingNarcissism 19 дней назад

Such wonderful feedback. Thanks for being an encourager, Angela!

@jimlong2469 19 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism ........ add me as well. It was like I was living in the d@mn twilight zone with my wife until I learned these things. Married 35 years.

@joannahediger7820 18 дней назад

Why would one wish to waste one’s time trying to communicate thoughtfully with a narcissist? At best, it’s useless but if it’s a person whose narcissistic behavior has hurt you, it’s painful to yourself. Don’t try to teach a toad to fly!

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 16 дней назад

@@joannahediger7820 Wow, thank you for sharing your amazing Outlook! I needed to hear this today, and you made me laugh! I need to do more of that!

@t_nels 19 дней назад

Thank you Dr Carter. I appreciate your calmness and candidness . I am always learning from you and waiting for what is next topic. Your channel is changing and saving lives, I really appreciate your dedication. 🌹I consider you a doctor, a professor, and philosopher, and I pray I can keep learning from you.

@SurvivingNarcissism 19 дней назад

Thanks so much. That means a lot to me.

@Hatbox948 19 дней назад

My ex narcissist didn't so much as procrastinate, he just simply wouldn't do anything. He went to work, I'll give him that. But, that's all he did. When he first began talking about buying a home, I knew I didn't want to be entangled in a mortgage with him. Once he bought the house and we moved in I quickly realized what a mistake I'd made moving in with him. He wouldn't mow, wouldn't do anything. And it wasn't just that he wouldn't do it, but he couldn't do it. He didn't know how to change a toilet seat, couldn't hang a mini blind, etc. It all fell on me, plus I worked a full time job.Then he wanted a dog. I didn't. Because he was gone M-F as an OTR truck driver the care of the puppy fell to me. You soon began to feel used and overwhelmed. Plus I was expected to give him a big chunk of my income. I paid for my own enslavement.

@daphnejordana86 19 дней назад

Horrific :(

@yvettebennett6170 19 дней назад

So glad he is your ex. That sounds horrible.

@Hatbox948 19 дней назад

@@yvettebennett6170 Thank you. It was.

@bon9032 19 дней назад

Sucker for love

@babayoga4712 19 дней назад

OMG... sounds so much like my situation that reading your comment was like a wake-up slap in the face! I'm still trying to untangle myself. It's very complicated when he is handicapped...

@snowbear1877 19 дней назад

My narcissistic sister has started talking a lot about empathy and accusing a cousin of ours who has cut herself off from the entire family (except for me) of lacking in empathy! She's cut herself off to save herself, and I say good on her. It's amazing how they flip things around and project.

@malwads1836 19 дней назад

I hope you too will 1 day go no-contact to save yourself🕊️.....There's no saving or salvaging these types no matter how many years may pass.

@snowbear1877 19 дней назад

@@malwads1836 I have gone no contact in the past but found the loneliness worse. I am an old woman without children. My mother dumped me. My sister has bullied me. I hoped to forge a relationship with my nephews . I've had limited success. They all have different values and political views which makes it hard.

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

@@snowbear1877you are free now to choose who is your “family.” I have several chosen sisters, ive had surrogate moms and dads over my lifetime. I hope i’ll have surrogate grandkids someday. None will come from my blood relatives… i too have no spouse, kids & am a longtime AARP MEMBER 😉

@cody_go_create 18 дней назад

Who was her abuser as a child?

@snowbear1877 18 дней назад

@@cody_go_create She was never abused. She was spoiled rotten. She was the first grandchild on one side, the first granddaughter on the other side. Our maiden aunt also adored her. By nature she is cunning and scheming. When I was born she was 9 years old. She has resented me all my life.

@amandaliverpool3374 19 дней назад

Not all narcs or emotionally unhealthy people show anger. They can be emotionally draining and dramatic and can be generally quite needy.

@Everythingismeaningless344 19 дней назад

Repressed anger. Beneath the surface, they are boiling with rage. I've noticed they channel that energy into fear and trying to control everything around them.

@caroleminke6116 19 дней назад

Even worse ❤️‍🩹

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

Sounds more like someone with borderline personality disorder…

@amandaliverpool3374 18 дней назад

@Everythingismeaningless344 That was probably it. Repressed anger! He never seemed to get angry but was very emotional. I recently got out of this relationship. It looks like I dodged a bullet. Thank you for shedding some extra light on the matter 💕

@amandaliverpool3374 16 дней назад

@@AS-zq5cs Indeed!

@LibraryBP2 6 дней назад

The difference between a narcissist and a "rotten person" is the narcissist won't change their ways, while the "rotten person" can change their ways.

@lyne4570 18 дней назад

In my experience, there HAS to be a consequence, just like a five-year old. When the yelling starts, just get up and walk out.

@jenzengarden 19 дней назад

Dr C Everytime I ask him a question, he immediately starts getting defensive and within seconds he starts screaming at me, "I work my a$$ off! I've never cheated on you!!" I simply asked, "why didn't you at a minimum text me? You've been gone for 12 hours on a Saturday?" We didn't talk for 3 days cause I asked. I'm exhausted. But I need an answer to why he always screams "I've never cheated on you! " When I never even asked that. 😢

@poloparker0420 19 дней назад

Guilty Conscience

@Hatbox948 19 дней назад

Projection.

@poloparker0420 19 дней назад

@@Hatbox948 no...projection would be him accusing her of what he is guilty of....

@terrywade3696 19 дней назад

He’s telling on himself!

@visaormastercard 19 дней назад

He should have continued by saying, until now. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.🩷

@gwenrios6268 18 дней назад

Whenever I try to discuss something with my narcissistic husband, he never makes any sense. He just talks in circles. I know I'm an intelligent enough person, that I can comprehend logic when I hear it. So whenever he's illogical, I just calmly listen, and never react. But it so disturbs me that we can't communicate on anything. When I married him, I didn't realize what I was getting in to. Every day I have to thank God for my blessings, and ask forgiveness for my decision to get involved with, and then marry this man. It's sad, because he's supposed to be a christian too.

@sreed5633 18 дней назад

Same here. Narcissistic word salad. It's abusive. Stand your ground. Know the truth. I'm working on radical acceptance. So much insidious manipulation, lying, mind games. My husband has been helping me through a difficult cancer journey, so the cognitive dissonance makes it all the worse. I will heal and get through this. I would go through cancer treatment again, rather than deal with a Narcissistic relationship. Peace

@BaraSchmidt 19 дней назад

The side effects are numerous while experiencing or post-relationship with an individual with a narcissistic personality style. I use the term relationship loosely, because a narc is a solo flyer. Let's call it "relationship-esque" However, the benefits of disengagement are even more plentiful and valuable! Know Healthy. Get Healthy. Stay Healthy!!

@aaronkwolfe 19 дней назад

I've heard the term "situationship" before. I've also heard of "relationshit." Of the two, I'd prefer the former.

@BaraSchmidt 19 дней назад

@@aaronkwolfe@aaronkwolfe 😂😂😂😅😅😅😊 They are all good! A "turd" by another name would ...."

@caroleminke6116 19 дней назад

It’s just a toxic situation with a toddler in arrested development who needs to be returned to mother

@BaraSchmidt 19 дней назад

@@caroleminke6116 Or to sender! 😆

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

@@aaronkwolfelove the latter😂😂😂

@elainesmith5313 9 дней назад

Being married to a Narcissist is likened to having a Weight sitting on your chest. You feel smothered, gasping for air. I realized it was his constantly trying to control me and my every choice. Alanon taught me that I have the right to Choices, plain and simple and that "NO" IS A ONE WORD SENTENCE, WITH NO EXPLAINATION.! ONE AND DONE! MY CHOICES ARE MINE!

@karenyounce1192 17 дней назад

I became so afraid of my narcissistic daughter turning on me and getting my son to coop a move against me claiming I’m crazy and taking my home and locking me up. They coerced against me so severely I changed my beneficiary to my sister

@RatedArggg 17 дней назад

My narcissister has a special way of gaslighting. She'll say "Why don't you let me do that for you?" in a bright, cheerful voice. You know what that implies. She probably does it with other people, now that I have gone fully no-contact with her.

@michelepascoe6068 18 дней назад

About narcissistic parents having kids they don't love: my mother was young in the 1950s when it was expected that one would marry and have children. She admitted that she had been "obsessed" with having a baby after someone visited her parents' home with a baby, and my young mother became envious - SHE wanted a baby. She wanted to a baby as a living doll that would make her look good. It was never about the baby - only about her. She put her child down a lot because she wasn't good enough, and despised her for "having accomplished nothing". They had opposite values and considered different things important.

@bereal6590 18 дней назад

I always relate to your comments! My mother met my father at 14 years old, in fact she sought him out and kept competitors at bay. She wanted the home, the marriage (married at 17!), and a child. She got everything she wanted. I asked her why she had 1 child, she said it was just 'time'. Living doll is just how I felt!✌

@michelepascoe6068 18 дней назад

@@bereal6590 Thanks 🙂 It's great being part of Team Healthy where we understand each other ... for so long I was confused about what the problem was and now Dr C explains it all and what to do about it! So grateful. Hope you have people who value you for who you are now.

@michelepascoe6068 18 дней назад

@@bereal6590 Your mother was so young ... brain only completes developing in mid-twenties ... but so many have had to make adult decisions before that ... marriage, career ... not to mention fighting for their country :( And then, as Dr C says, some people's emotional development is arrested somewhere in childhood and they don't want to learn better ways. Sad.

@lisastiller1504 14 дней назад

it is good to know that a person can hold onto the internal freedoms, but dealing with years of restriction from someone can be distressing

@DevorahTafus 18 дней назад

Thank you so much for answering my question! The answer was perfect. I appreciate you continuing to help people in your retirement. It takes a really special person to want to continue to work and be productive even when you don't have to. You're making an impact on thousands of lives.

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

You are so welcome! Thanks for sending the Question!!

@SuzanneJustus 18 дней назад

Dr. C, thank you for the helpful insight,as always. One note of caution to everyone. If the narcissist in your life is gaslighting you, be careful of words like ‘I know you want me to do such and such’….instead use “I feel as though you’re wanting me to do such and such and I don’t feel that’s in my best interest.” These people are smart and masterful manipulators. They will turn it around and say ‘don’t tell me how I feel.’. I’ve had that happen in discussions with the narcissist in my life. Cheers to trusting your own inner strength! And remaining confident in your truth of dignity, self-respect, and civility!

@malwads1836 14 дней назад

I've learned about Narcissism for years & understand it very well at this point......But these midweek discussions are always such a true delight for me because there's still always at least a 💎 or 2 in them, it also helps that Dr.C is such a peaceful & calm presence.Even for those of us that are still very raw from this type of abuse, these videos would likely be soothing & comforting on top of the educational aspect of them🌞👍🏻👍🏻.

@sreed5633 18 дней назад

Thank you, Dr. C. Valuable information learned today, again. Don't go into their spin cycle; stay out of their orbit. I've done it too many times. It's exhausting. I've known this for awhile, but it's so hard to not defend. Making progress slowly. Blessings to you

@ginkgo2021 19 дней назад

Have you found in your former practice situations where someone is seeing you for anger management help, but after working with that person, you have a suspicion that their anger is mostly due to being gaslit and/or projected upon by a narcissist? Like in the movie Gaslight, the woman thinks she's crazy. Her husband promotes the theme that she is crazy. But in reality, the husband is the cause of the problem. Learning to handle the anger I'm sure is helpful, but removing yourself from the anger trigger seems like the solution.

@LisaSmith-yb2uz 19 дней назад

Viktor Frankl’s book 📕 Man’s Search for Meaning was life altering for me!!! ❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 19 дней назад

I read it the first time in my 20's. Same result as you had.

@cairosilver2932 19 дней назад

Can narcissists agree on anything, even a basic thing - like if you say 'Do you agree the sky is blue?' will they agree or will they avoid answering because for them to agreeing is 'giving something away'? I'm wondering if a question like this is a bit of a litmus test for narcissism - a moderately healthy person or better will just say 'Yeah, it's blue', while maybe a narcissist will basically try to dodge the question so as to avoid showing they wont agree on anything?

@sage9836 19 дней назад

I too am baffled by just their general non-cooperation. I think you are onto something that to a narcissist agreeing about something obvious is giving something away. It's like everything is a power trip. Also, the tactic of dodging is infuriating when you just need a fact. The only way I make sense of dodging is to tell myself that all responses, including vague evasions, being confusing, are responses. It is a fact that the person did that. I got dodged. Hmm. That tells me something. I try not to point it out to the narcissist because clarity makes them escalate. I try to let their train stop where it stops. I'm eager to learn how to deal with this better.

@sharonf3321 19 дней назад

They won't validate you on even the simplest things.

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

😂😂😂

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

@@sharonf3321why would they?they can’t feel what you do, can’t even imagine that this matters… 🙄💜

@DevorahTafus 18 дней назад

Yes! I've been saying that if I told my narcissist that the sky is really blue today, she would probably say "Why do you feel the need to tell me what color the sky is? Do you think I'm STUPID???!!! I KNOW what color the sky is!"

@alenaadamkova5322 19 дней назад

Ego thinks: "There is no other self, but me, and I am perfect".... Therefore Ego never improves. "True self" the soul thinks there are higher versions of my imperfect and unique loving self, you can always improve higher version of you. as you change your state of consciosuness and point of view. If the person si able to listen and change point of view, it means they are able to see things from different point of consciousness and that they are genuine you can have your own rules and yet change point of view.

@SurvivingNarcissism 19 дней назад

You make so much sense.

@IdahoTater 18 дней назад

Their laziness is a form of control

@MM-gk5of 17 дней назад

My husband 50+ yrs, doesn’t do anything to maintain our house that we’ve lived in since 1989. It’s in very sad shape. Passive aggressive laziness is his tool of choice.

@jimlong2469 18 дней назад

"I'm not playing along" YUP ... 😉😂

@lynndupree1205 17 дней назад

So my narc husband expects and demands that I do all kinds of errands and time-consuming favors for him. But if I ask for anything from him, even something very simple and easy, he ignores it. And if I respectfully remind him, he shouts at me and has a tantrum. Why am I still here? One word - FEAR.

@marystevenson8461 18 дней назад

Making a mistake of engaging someone like this rule #1 = love & forgive yourself; rule #2 = use it to help yourself grow. ☮️ 🕊️ 🫒

@grantlipscomb 5 дней назад

You say the absolute truth… sure wish I would have found you 6 months ago,.. thank you.

@valerieshy8749 19 дней назад

I always enjoy listening to your weekly Wednesday talks with so many of us who are experiencing issues with others. Loved so much of this episode, BUT especially toward the end with the 78 year old mother who yells. Great suggestions, Dr. Carter. I can't express the full extent of my appreciation for your professional insight and guidance on how to handle difficult people in our lives.

@SurvivingNarcissism 19 дней назад

You are quite welcome. Glad it resonated!

@michellehill718 19 дней назад

Thank you Dr. C for another brilliant teaching video! I really appreciate those questions that focused on some of our aging parents and other key people (as you described) and how to be of service to them without expecting them to not be themselves. In many 12 step circles we call that not going to the hardware store for milk! We are never going to get what isn't available We learn to go where the love is, including inro the arms of an unconditionally loving Higher Power many call God. ♥️😊❤

@trudismith9712 18 дней назад

This could be a question, but, to me this is an observation that puzzles me. My children suffered under my Narc2, i didn't protect them. Okay. My daughter in her 20's did a course in Seattle to make up with Dad. She phoned him and wrote a glowing poem how wonderful he is. She read endless 'self-help' and 'how-to' books? She likes now Australian podcasts. Still working on herself. My son went on a gap year to Australia, writing a fantastic, glowing letter to Dad, who keeps it in his wallet. He said only weeks ago: i am not listening to you Mum (i sent him 1 or 2 videos. I know he liked them), i listen to my sister. I was hurt for 2 minutes, then, i was happy about it. I know my place now. The same with my friend's son. No access to her grandchildren. It's more complicated. He, in the past, wrote a glowing thank you letter to his Dad, who he blames now... Bad feelings brings out creative ideas? You, Dr C mentioned it once. Interesting.

@redbullwiseman4805 18 дней назад

Thanks for answering my question My first 27 years of life makes sense. Now All my life my parents were trying to turn me into a “mini me” Now at 37 I feel sorry for my parents cuz they are struggling but pride makes them shut their mind to reason

@karenyounce1192 17 дней назад

So helpful ! Knowledge how to navigate gives the victim the right tools and strength. ❤ty❤🙏🙏

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 18 дней назад

Thank you so much for your help and assistance dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

@einahsirro1488 17 дней назад

Your remarks about Freedom, and Viktor Frankl, were very inspiring.

@SurvivingNarcissism 17 дней назад

Pleased!

@joannepurchase6167 18 дней назад

Self serving it is Dr C. My ex told me 'self preservation is key'. The mix up is self preservation vs looking after oneself to the detriment of everyone else's needs.

@xdc1776 19 дней назад

My narcissistic x keeps going over old ground 🤷

@caroleminke6116 19 дней назад

Patterns

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

Yea, typical. Inability to self-refect or take responsibility or see someone else’s POV…🙄

@amandagish5976 18 дней назад

Man, you've helped me today. I needed someone who is calm today.

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

Calm firmness. That's the goal.

@amandagish5976 18 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm going to keep working on that.

@peggyerickson2549 18 дней назад

Thank u Dr Carter. Such a game changer in my life!!! Heard of bait & switch. Makes perfect sense. 😀😃😀😃

@julieforsyth6163 17 дней назад

A new one for me. Teaching a toad to fly! Good one.😊

@trudismith9712 18 дней назад

Dear Dr Carter, i have to put Team Healthy on the backburner,but, i created in my head 'team morph' (making changes after following and learning from your videos for the last 5 years) team morph includes my grown children in their 40s (my maiden name was Morf, reading backwards add a 'm'... i hope it makes you smile) Then, i created in my head 'team friendship' with healthy people i don't have to be afraid off, anymore. Yesterday i picked up a book at the Oxfam charity book shop. Harriet G Lerner, my generation: The Dance of Deception Pretending and Truth telling in women's lives. 1993 Without your teaching i would never read it!! Thank you, my dear Dr C.

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

Team Fromm. I love that you're learning and that I get to be on the path with you!

@phyllisdevonish859 5 дней назад

Good morning Dr C

@tearthangel373 16 дней назад

Thank you. I appreciate your help

@AmandaSusAnna 19 дней назад

What is the best way for me to expose my narcissistic mother to my younger brothers, who are still under her control and manipulation? Do i, or dont i?

@poloparker0420 19 дней назад

Very carefully...be prepared to face the tough task and aware you may lose your connection with siblings to mother.....especially at first. Ìf you're close to brothers, perhaps they will watch out for future behavior. Be patient with them as you distance from her.

@poloparker0420 19 дней назад

Don't "expose". Leave her out of the discussion. If your kin isn't going to be able to coincide with your way of thinking, ya may want to let them see for themselves

@AmandaSusAnna 19 дней назад

Thank you very much, this sounds like very good advice!

@poloparker0420 19 дней назад

You are welcome. I'm going through this exact situation with my younger brothers regarding our mother. It's mòst difficult to accept not trying to get them to understand why they need to be aware...I kept them safe as a teenager while they were children...no difference while we are all adults now what my role is....

@caroleminke6116 19 дней назад

Siblings side with the most ♥️ & $ so stay out of this if you cannot go no contact plz

@NancyBrown1975 17 дней назад

Dr. C. Why does the narcissist show up every time in the parking lot when you are getting in your car in the parking lot or trying to pull out of it from dentists and doctor appointments when you have made appointments late in the evening so you can have a longer time away from the narcissist and not have to deal with them? Why do they do this?

@barbpace-lamb 19 дней назад

gaslighting

@stevenmorgan6164 18 дней назад

Thank you Dr Carter I really enjoy listening to your mid week review

@jean17708 18 дней назад

My narc father said it just wasn't something they discussed. It just was. He said they probably should have aborted me because my mother never wanted kids.

@ryancox5097 18 дней назад

What do I do when **I'm** the narcissist? Because I am. No joke whatsoever.

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

Search out the video, These 7 Changes Would Wipe Out Narcissism. Best wishes.

@tearthangel373 16 дней назад

It’s the behavior

@kadootje77 18 дней назад

I hear time and time again the after -effects (mental illness, physical illness) narcissistic abuse has on the victims, since narcissism does not promote love and self-love or self care, are they inherently abusing and neglecting themselves? And why does it seem: it doesn't effect them as much, ( as they don't seem to care due to a lack of empathy) or is this an illusion?

@andreacook6000 18 дней назад

I love tape delay!!

@supplynomore6471 18 дней назад

Gaslight was a good movie. the premise is to make a sane person believe they are not certain of their own observations and they are generally submissive to a stronger person...the narcissist. I lived with one for 28 years, was in LOVE with him for 2 years before, and he gaslighted me in many ways the years before the marriage. It was crazy-making. Guess what? I survived. He divorced me in 2000 and he tried desperately to get me back before we settled (big business we both owned) in 2004 but - I WAS FREE!!! Hallelujah and I have now been remarried since 2006 to a real man of full integrity and no passive-aggressive nor narcissistic control. Get OUT if you are in a relationship that is a one-up (always) unhealthy.

@douglasmcgregor5511 18 дней назад

Great counselling from Dr. C as always! This is the sort of thing I wouldn't normally post on the internet, but it's relevant to the subject and hopefully team healthy is a safe place for it. I am seriously wondering if my mother was a narcissist and that's the root of all the problems. I've started to remember something. My mum would come down and yell at me every time I stayed up late drinking. It got to a point where I would expect it and dread it. There was one point I was even scared she would through me out of the house. She always asked me seemingly blunt questions starting with "when are you" or "why aren't you". I really hope people here won't judge me for drinking. I have recently been diagnosed with autism so that explains a lot of struggles in the past. My mum also would say "because I am your mother and you will". My dad did say to try and just remember the good things about mum. All of my family have passed away now so I've had a lot of trauma from that and with both my parents being very ill before they passed away within a year of each other. Also don't know why I'm suddenly remembering these things now. Sorry for the long comment. I just feel I need someone to tell these things to sometimes. Thanks for listening.

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

Thanks for sharing this. I hope you feel safe here.

@douglasmcgregor5511 18 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it! :)

@snowbear1877 19 дней назад

My sister is very slippery. I haven't seen her in 15 years but she keeps emailing me. When I see her name in my inbox my first reaction is fear and anger. It's like a physical shock. I think she's lonely and wants to stay in touch but she can't relate to me as an equal and refuses to acknowledge her abuse of me. I get my partner to draft replies in my name. He is more subtle and measured and I suspect she knows she's no longer dealing with me, and that someone else is having input. She wants everything on her terms. She has refused family therapy and insists I meet with her husband who is her flying monkey and has been abusive to me. She even accused me of bullying him by exclusion because I refuse to meet with him. Dealing with one bully is enough.

@sharonf3321 19 дней назад

Why answer at all? Just use the Trash button, or better yet, Spam.

@snowbear1877 19 дней назад

@@sharonf3321 I am seriously considering that.

@Rain9Quinn 18 дней назад

Its not you.❤

@maryannbesser2350 18 дней назад

Dr.Carter, whenever I attempt to discuss anything with my covert narcissist husband, he accuses me of attacking him. He eventually goes into a word salad, bring up everything you ever did wrong mode, and then takes off for hours. Then, if I bring up the subject again after he returns, then I am again accused of attacking him. You never get any resolution to anything. If I pursue the subject, he begins to rage. I get called all sorts of not-so flattering names. How do I handle the bolting? I can't leave like he does. We have a disabled son who can't be left unsupervised. Do you have any suggestions?

@lynndupree1205 17 дней назад

I think you and I must be married to the same narcissist, LOL. Every time I very calmly try to bring up a discussion about anything having to do with our relationship, my husband launches into shouting and screaming at me. If I try to continue talking he then escalates into throwing things and breaking things. He pretends to be such a nice guy to other people, but the real him is filled with uncontrollable rage.

@kath610 18 дней назад

I have a question about gray rocking. When I detach from all the drama, my husband says I am cold and unfeeling, that I should be more engaged in our relationship. I don’t want to be a cold unfeeling person but engaging with him is so disruptive and confusing. How can I balance this?

@phyllisdevonish859 17 дней назад

Regarding the Movie… I tend to think “How could he forget that to Ingrid Bergman?” I think Woman often spend more compassion on others than ourselves. (If Someone do that to my Sister..Daughter..friend… but yet.. Somehow we get lost when it happens to Self. (From my own experience.)

@phyllisdevonish859 17 дней назад

The Movie Gaslight…

@AnnePerkins-po5jo 19 дней назад

Yes, and is that procrastination sometimes a version of future faking or at least an aspect of it?

@ClickTrain 17 дней назад

Hi Dr. C! In a Midweek video a few weeks ago, you mentioned the dynamic of the narcissist having a 'nobody tells me what to do' attitude. Would you discuss the similar dynamic, I think, in which it is only one or a few close people who "Can't tell me what to do!" while they are fearful of other people being unhappy with them for not measuring up and very much do what those people tell them.

@SurvivingNarcissism 17 дней назад

Got it.

@LibraryBP2 6 дней назад

It is called reverse psychology

@colleenc4621 18 дней назад

In the midst of a recently broken relationship- we lived an hour apart and I gave into his requests for financial help way more than I’d ever want to admit. He approached me to help him so he doesn’t get some important resources taken away. I want to help but when we try to communicate it feels like torture. I feel so bad and want to help but I can’t help him if we can’t have healthy communication. It hurts either way. Any advice would help. I have a good job. I work with people constantly all day long. They receive me well but here I am balling my eyes out alone not knowing how to go forward. I feel horrible I got myself here

@SurvivingNarcissism 18 дней назад

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you were being exploited. When you are helpful, narcissists may initially seem pleased, but over time you realize their bucket can never be filled.

@colleenc4621 18 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism you are absolutely right. As I’m sure you’ve heard- everything you say is spot on. I think he’s going towards rock bottom. I should let him for his own good but it hurts to see

@fred.k9875 18 дней назад

🙏

@tearthangel373 16 дней назад

Gaslighting

@RatedArggg 17 дней назад

I'm wondering....do aging narcissists get nastier because of physical pain? A lot of older people deal with chronic pain that they don't always talk about. But I've dealt with it (in the past) and it did not make me a happy, nice person. Just a thought.

@SurvivingNarcissism 17 дней назад

It can certainly be a contributing factor.

@drvpscott 15 дней назад

Dr. Carter with regard to procrastination, are you suggesting that procrastination is an expression of self-loathing as depression is often described as being?

@SurvivingNarcissism 15 дней назад

My angle is more: "You really bother me, so why would I cooperate with you?"

@drvpscott 15 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism Ah yes, of course. You were pretty clear about that. You were speaking of procrastination primarily in an interpersonal context. My inner critic and I were apparently running with it into a direction you did not intend, toward an intrapersonal context. Thank you!

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

1. Rotten person.. I go by behaviors so it doesn't matter.. I try to treat them the same and I have to protect myself..

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

2. They can point it out in others.. Snakes find snakes..

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

3. Free.. There is a meditation that says the more we let go the stronger our boundaries become..

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

4. Procrastinate.. Is it what they want to do or is it what I want them to do?

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

5. Change their minds.. Crazy..

@darinsmith2458 19 дней назад

6. Gaslighting.. This is more about me trusting myself then trusting them..

@fredhoyt6900 19 дней назад

My narc ex-wife wanted multiple partners before I threw in the towel. Did I miss a chance to save the marriage by not agreeing to it?

@aaronkwolfe 19 дней назад

Agreeing to destroying your marriage wouldn't save it. You'd have found the goalposts would keep moving.

@fredhoyt6900 19 дней назад

TY@@aaronkwolfe

@kristenmarie9248 19 дней назад

The moment she told you about that, your marriage was over. Glad you're out.

@caroleminke6116 19 дней назад

Short answer is that you found a strong boundary ❤️‍🩹 good for you!

@fredhoyt6900 19 дней назад

@@kristenmarie9248 Thank You. I think I might need ptsd treatment.

@elizabethambielli610 18 дней назад

Just a few days ago, I came to the realization: I will never be able to change the ways of human nature. If I keep asking Why why why they are as they are... then my 'focus' on what REALLY matters for this 'short life' on earth is lost. What matters IS, growth of FAITH in what is above. Bully's (though they KNOW NOT what they are doing or speaking) are not WHOLLY aligned to THAT SUPREME SPIRIT that provides GRACE for our time here on earth. GOD PROVIDES . . . to those of faith in what HE counsels them to do. (religion, worship, prayer, alms giving to neighbor or family) As long as S-elf I-ndulgent N-atures are 'honored' (SIN) ... the narcissism and bullying will proliferate in all aspects of society and THE DEVIL SPIRIT will dominate...rather than GOD'S GRACE. (Just my thought, it all began with that phrase: DO ONE'S OWN THING) DO NOT GET PULLED DOWN or cower to 'human power' called narcissistic bullying.