Very well done video Jenny. You explained the differences between autism and narcissism in a way that is clear and easy to understand. I have never been accused of being narcissistic but I do know what it feels like to be misunderstood. We just want to be able to be ourselves without condemnation or the awareness that we may have offended another person. Thank you for your video.
I know you care about people and I don’t know you well. This is a great educational video. Thank you for including the emotional frustration you’re feeling. I think you’re amazing and I’m sorry your family member is not in a place where they can see it.
Thank you Jenny. I thiink it is fairly obvious that yyou are not a Narcissist. Also, so many people I have encountered dont really understand what Autiism is. They will say they do but yet really DON'T. I think people understand more than in the past but look for people who are more impacted and sstruggle with functioning and define that as Autism. However, sometimes when ppeople are hurt or in their own struggle they cant easily see the truth of a matter. You are Autistic and that is ok and just who you are. Sadly, it isnt an easy thing to be Autiistic though and fit in or be understood byy thtis world. Hang in there. You are an amazing creation.
Yes, I’ve been called that from loved ones. It definitely hurts! The funny thing is, after lots of time, I realized the one who did this, never asked what I meant by something I said or did. They formed their own opinions and went with it. Assuming someone’s intent, without clarification, is detrimental to any relationship! Your Faith will see you through this, Jenny. Blessings! 😘❤️
thank you Ruth for adding that part about "faith getting me through." I"m quick to want to fix things myself rather than seek God fully sometimes. But. you are so right!
This is the only one of its kind that I have seen and it was perfect! 😭 I loved it (it sux to have to be done) and I had my son watch it. It brought me to tears because I relate to you so much in this. It is something I still need to take care of with a couple family members but I haven't yet out of fear of not being understood. I gain strength from your experience of pushing through this. You are not alone Jenny. I hold you very dear my heart. This video will definitely help others and their families. 🩵
Autumn, this is so appreciated. I lost 4 subs since this video came out. I have no idea why. The old me would just take it down in frustration. The new me will leave it up, because I see how it has helped you! :) Thank you and I hope that your family will gain understanding and this will be a new journey for you and yours!
@@autisticjenny I have lost subs on two videos Jenny...and they were of me being vulnerable and honest in the same manner. This kind of thing is deep and just makes some people uncomfortable. Sometimes these things hit someone harder they realize and we will never know why unless they divulge. 🩵
Autistic people are capable of intense empathy, which I think stems from a need for order and peace...which is one reason why I have such a big problem with the word 'disorder' being associated with autism...Anyway, thank you, Jenny - you have helped so many people.
I'm with you. I don't really like the word "disorder" much and I definitely don't like the puzzle peice analogy for autism. Thanks for being a part of this channel Neil.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, Jenny. Sometimes I'm grateful that I'm home-based with chronic illness so I only really see my (lovely) partner. Like many autistic people, you're extremely emotionally intelligent, which is so far removed from narcissism I don't understand why anyone would make the comparison? It's clearly rooted in them misunderstanding what autism and narcissism actually are and how they present. Ugh, I hope you're able to move on from this as soon as you can, lovely. 🧡
In my opinion, narcissism and autism are the exact opposit, but people can get confused by our lack of facial expression and social mistakes. There's another big difference, in my experience, narcissists are lying all the time, when autistic people are very bad at lying, but can only speak and understand litterally (which nobody else seem to be doing...). I've never been called narcissist, probably because I'm not able to hide my hyperempathy, but I've been called a monster, and a family member told me recently she was scared of me, because of misunderstanding of my social mistakes, and not caring about getting informed about what autism really is, just as you said. I'm so sorry your relationship isn't getting better, I sincerely hope it will. It's so painful to have such huge incomprehension with the people we care about the most. I hope she will make the effort to get informed, and finally understand how confusing it is to speak two very differnt languages...
That's some good points Cecile! I'm sorry you experienced someone calling you that. I think that is awful of them.The thing about the tongue....it's hard to tame and some people don't know when to just not say anything. Words can hurt worse sometimes. Yes, i wrote her a letter and apparantly that backfired. Now it's just the waiting game. In the meantime I will move on as best as I can.
@@autisticjenny Waiting can be very difficult too, keep being strong and patient, people are very rarely angry forever. In the end, I'm sure your efforts will bring some results. And at least, when the kids will be older, you'll be able to tell them you didn't stop trying, it will be very comforting for them and for yourself. Sending you lots of love !
It’s a common misconception that narcissists don’t care what other people think. They may appear not to care, but they are deeply concerned with their image and how they’re perceived by others, and often have incredibly low self esteem, which some counter with grandiosity as a coping mechanism.
This is very true the vulnerable narcissists who can initially come across as lovely, shy, caring people are highly sensitive to any percieved critisicism and even other peoples facial expressions , tone of voice etc. Eventually you will be forever walking on egg shells around these people. They will gaslight you, blame shift, project all thier poor behaviour on to you! Passive aggresive comments by the bucket load, accuse you of saying and doing things that you never did!! Try and isolate you from friends and family!. If you are the significant other partner to them it is highly likely that at the beggining of the relationship you are love bombed/ idealised by the narcissist. Being told over and over again how lovely you are and that you are perfect , that they have never met anyone so kind etc etc over snd over!! They will try and move the relationship forward at an alarming pace. Saying they love you far far to soon. The abuse cycle of love bomb , devalue, and discard is devastating for the victim. The initial love bombing placing the victim on a pedastal can feel intoxicating and that someone finally understands you, it creates a trauma bond so when the narcissist reveals thier true self that they have masked during the idealization phase and moves on to the devalue stage the victim is scrambling to please the narcissist to try and get back on the pedastal that they initially placed you on. They will come back after discarding you known as the narcissistic hoover!! saying they have changed and worked on themselves and they love and need you they will promise the earth to try and secure more supply from you, draining all your energy reserves, feasting on you like an energy vampire . When they hoover you back in it might be ok for a while! But soon the sick toxic behaviour cycle will begin again, you will feel sick and ill a burnt out husk of the person that you once were. If you manage to break the cycle and get away the recovery from narcissistic emotional abuse is long and extremely difficult and you will be forever changed as a person as a result of the abuse. Peace and love to all that have gone and are going through narcissistic abuse🙋♂️
@@jamesnock5572 I think walking on eggshells around them and a complete inability to discuss needs without them feeling attacked with criticism makes any growth within the relationship so impossible. It’s like your options are: suck it up and ignore your unmet needs, or offend them deeply by hinting towards the possibility that they’re a complete failure for not reading your mind. It is so nice that my partner and I can have a hard conversation without the other person dysregulating into oblivion. I don’t know how a relationship can be healthy without being able to give each other feedback.
The responce to trying to have a conversation about the behaviour was either narcissistic rage, complete denial, and projection saying you are the problem your a weirdo your autistic🙋♂️@@stephenie44
@@stephenie44I know this is a convo about narcissism but as an autistic person it also worries me because I think the communication between my partner and I is so weak and also I am very sensitive to criticism as well
@@heedmydemands being sensitive to criticism is ok, lots of people are. It’s about learning how to regulate yourself, maybe take a break if you need, and process your hurt enough that you can finish talking about it. It’s definitely a skill! It’s ok if that doesn’t come naturally, it’s just good to know it’s something to work towards. For example, when I’m burnt out, “not enough” is a really sore topic for me, understandably. My partner uses a wheelchair, and sometimes I just don’t have the presence of mind to remember I left a chair in the middle of the kitchen or somehow blocked their way. In the past, they would try and say, “hey, can you try not to leave stuff in the middle of the room?” And it would trigger me because I’M TRYING MY BEST, and despite that, I just kept “failing” at basic things. So instead of hearing them say a pretty basic important thing, I’m hearing a TON of criticism. Learning how to process my feelings without throwing all of my self hate and frustration in their direction because they brought it up, and then coming back to them and being able to just say, “I know, it’s a genuine safety issue. I’ll keep working on it, I’m just super spacey right now.” This helps my partner know I care, and want them to bring up concerns, and it’s not their fault that I am struggling with insecurities. Again, it’s ok if that’s not your natural reaction, it’s a learned skill. You can learn and your communication skills with your partner can improve ❤️
I think it's common to be unaware of how our actions impact others, especially as autistic people lacking social awareness. But it always hurts when I find out that my past words/actions have hurt someone. People accuse me of being a narcissist and i get paranoid that maybe I am, but i don't think that narcissists worry about that or get upset when they find out that they have hurt people.
absolutely! I think we are unaware...I know what you mean about their words impacting you. And you are right...narcissists don't worry about what others think.
I will never meet you in person, Jenny, but I somehow feel like I know you more than I know many of my friends - and I know and feel the deep love you have for people, especially your family. It's so sad that with autism, people are often unable to see beneath and see the depth of our love and emotions. We are misunderstood so frequently in life and I think that is probably the one that hits most of us the hardest.
Awww....Liz. Thank you! We have built a friendship, haven't we? I think people still don't recognize autism in women but maybe that's changing a little. We are just so good at masking, it's hard for others to believe when they can't see the anguish on the inside on a daily basis. My loved one is hopefully in God's hands to reach her heart where I can't right now.
@autisticjenny Yes I agree, we've built a lovely online friendship Jenny. You're so right, most people still don't recognise autism in women and it can cause so much hurt and upset can't it. I hope and pray your daughter has a change of heart soon. You're a good person Jenny, with a big heart and you put so much time and effort into helping us all gain more of an understanding of ourselves 😊
Great video!! I learned , not long ago, about how narcissistic people operate. Control and manipulation are key traits of a narcissist. They will discard you and simply " dump" you on a dime. Autistic people are loyal friends. I will pray for you Jenny😊❤🙏🙏🙏
@@autisticjenny Not really. I never stopped talking to her. I also never said anything about narcissism to her. I did say that she might be autistic. She doesn't want to be labeled.
Praying with you Jenny that this family member comes to see the truth. In the mean time, may God comfort you with His Great Compassion! Thank you for sharing your heart!
Thank you so much! I covet your prayers really. I think prayer makes a difference. There's many times in my life I think it has and I thank God for that! Thank you Lisa....
Thank you for speaking up about this Jenny even though it was difficult! I have met narcissists who bullied me and made my life living hell. In my experience they never stop to self-reflect. & your whole channel is about reflecting on both your strengths and weaknesses. So sorry you’ve had to deal with that pain.
It can be very painful to be misunderstood so fundamentally. Whether your behaviors towards that person were coming from an autistic or narcissistic perspective/intention, clearly they came across in a way that was difficult and painful for them. It’s a lot to untangle, learning that your parent is autistic, and trying to decide if that explains past experiences to the point of that misunderstanding feeling neutral, or if it still cuts deep and hurts anyway. Some of my interaction with my dad are much more neutral now that I understand how his brain works. But other interactions still sting. Regardless of autism, regardless of not knowing better, regardless of meaning well, being treated in a certain way still hurts and makes you feel bad.
My partner’s mom is a diagnosed narcissist. One of the things they struggle with are healthy emotional boundaries and emotional maturity - which isn’t unique to narcissism. It could be why that online content resonates with them, it carries relevant themes.
I’m trying to be helpful, I’m sorry if any of this is offensive. I’m not trying to offend. But regardless, this might be offensive. Because well meaning actions can still cause hurt.
Another thing that can make amending relations conflict difficult: as autistic people, we like to explain ourselves. But that can come across to the other person as us excusing ourselves and all of our behavior. Sometimes what they need is acknowledgement that regardless of our intent, our effect was clearly painful, and owning that and validating that can go a long way.
I so much hope You can find a way both feel their emptions are valued in the end so that there is a possibility to try out a new way of relationship in the future. For me it sounds tricky as there is a lot of emotional damage and pain one could maybe forgive, want to forgive intellectually, but emotions don't always follow our ratio. In fact they rarly do, even for us ;-) Is there any chance to have some family therapy or counceling for a while? If there is a kid in a household in Germany for example it is provided free or nearly free from organisations the youth- and family-administrations delegete this to do. Maybe there is something equal? Or (sorry to rely on a fictional TV-program, I just don't have any idea of US-systems) I watched this "seventh heaven"(?), this serials about a Pastor, his wife and their children growing up. Later one daughter also becomes a Pastor. I am sure You know what I mean, if it is a serial shown here again and again it must be well known there. What I wanted to say is that it seems to be quite common in US that Pastors do counceling for members of their communities, too, saw it not just there. I know You are in a church, don't know how the other person would feel about if they could offer Dome help. Or maybe that brings You to another idea. I'd like to snip with my fingers and do a little magic, but of cause I can't. We can just be there for You, listen, understand, feel sorry for You and tell You how much we feel seen, apreciated and somehow loved by You, Jenny
