Modern Dating Is Transactional | Patrick Bet David 

Bro was holding interviews.

court(ing) used to come at the start of a relationship now court comes at the end of a relationship

My future wife went all in and took the first year asking the hardest questions possible. One of the best relationship building exercises we ever did

People can't tell the difference between having values and being transactional.

Yes there is an anti-dating culture. Antagonism between the sexes is horrible. Promiscuity wreak havoc on intimacy and bonding. Yes it is transactional.

People in the comments here don't seem to understand what dating is like outside your early adult years. By the time I was 25, I knew I wanted a serious relationship, and that ruling out whether or not someone was interested in the same thing, and if we were a good match for each other, was the best way to not waste each other's time. Do you know why so many people are in "situationships" today? It's because they don't set up expectations early. If you are only looking for a long term partner, you say that up front. If the person doesn't feel the same way, drop them and try the next person. You need to know what you want going in to the relationship. You need to be clear on what you expect. I've been with 6 women total and the last one is my wife. We both knew a long term relationship was our goal within the first week of dating. We've been together almost 10 years. Stop being afraid of commitment. The only women who will be afraid of you if you tell them you're looking for a long term relationship are the ones who aren't looking for one.

Look at the outcome you want, and go for it. Patrick was clear, and quickly determined long-term compatibility.

Literally what i did with my gf and shes enamored with the level of responsibility it takes a man to treat her right. Its strengthening for me.

I agree with Patrick. Why waste time if you know what you're looking for. The interrogation benefitted the woman as well, if she made him answer the questions too. This way they both could see if they were right for each other, from the start.

I'm in my early 30's. I think a relationship is built, more so than it is found, and too many people are 'finding' relationships in place of alleviating loneliness. Few people bother to initiate honest communication with the opposite gender, and it's made both men and women distrustful of each other.

Love this, made his intentions clear from the beginning, get thru hard conversation right away. Dating to marry, not dating just to date. If people would do this and focus on these values instead of jumping on bed together there would be more solid relationships

I did 50 questions before you get married. I agree with Patrick, it’s very intense because the questions are all the things you don't think of asking. In our ten years of marriage we only had one big sore spot, the number of kids. That's the one question we never found common ground on.

Haha I try asking guys questions like, so what’s your 5 year goal. And I get “I live in the moment, you know?” Lol it’d be nice to meet a guy with such a solid plan in life

Well, you can question his method, but it worked. I think people should be more rational when it comes to finding someone for dating and marriage. Most people put sex first, they are blinded by hormones and don't ask the important questions, they get carried away by the flow and when they realize it they end up with the wrong people only guided by attraction. Perhaps this process could have been done in a more fun or dynamic or organic way, but he is not wrong.

It’s definitely harder today than it was over 50 years ago.

His version sounds super transactional 😂

Why am I not surprised pbd met his wife like this 😂

I like that doesn’t waste any time.

That’s not courting that’s an interrogation lol

What's wrong with being completely straight forward with who are and what you want when entering a relationship? Maybe there would be less divorces.

This is why people have to go back to knowing someone for a few months or longer and now with social media it's a bit easier to get an idea of what kinda things people are into, still if the choice to be with someone classically knowing the things you are interested in is important or what your looking for on someone

If you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup, it's best to get these questions out of the way, asap..

"Thats not it anymore..." Bro that never was... wtf 😂

So much that we took for granted about how things work dont just "work" for us in the way they used to. Todays world calls for more conaciousness in EVERYTHING you do or down into hell you decend. We need to get over ourselves, face our demons and awaken to our role as the creator of our life.

This is awesome! If I would known this I would have safe myself a lot of problem! Some people are just not ready to have hard conversations

To be fair, in 2001 pbd was wealthy when he approached her this way. She wasn’t doing any of this question stuff without the inherent wealth that marriage would bring

Dude formally interviewed his wife for the part. That’s nuts

The fact that people actually listen to this man speak and say “i agree” is insane.

Thanks for the tip. When I meet a woman tell her I've just been exercising with 3 other women👍

Lots of wisdom in Patrick's approach. Authentic approach to being human together....games are gone.....I sure wish this was spoken about on the street corners....meaning it needs to be deeply ingrained in our culture so that no offences are taken but rather the adventure of discovery of each other's hearts and minds.

I believe that there's a "were are not checking out if we can live together, create something together" culture now. When I was in my twenties, I talked to a boyfriend for six months each week before we first kissed..

Old man in suit: "In my time it wasn't like this today..." Proceeds to explain how he met his wife online, like veryone else today, and kept dating her bc she literally was the one of 4 who survived his ideal of dating: interrogation.

I have a friend who is a son of divorced parents and his dad remarried and my friend and his sister when they were young had to deal with step-siblings along with a stepmom. Both were messed up. This is the nasty consequences that one condemns one’s children to without actually getting to know somebody to remain with them til death do them part as the vows say!

I think that is great you too were willing to sit down that long with each other and work it. I can see it causing anxiety but also allowing a couple to over come a lot.

He was doing a whole FBI interrogation with his wife 😂😂

People morality is extremely low with the concept of do what ever you want and when your encouraged to be as free as a bird and try everything as far as a lifestyle you get people with no integrity,morals no value system. So people internally want some one with values and principles Abuse is the norm now and it shows when you have no healthy principles or values you lose yourself and stop loving yourself and internally end up excepting anything and look for the next best thing to fulfill your temporal lust to try & satisfy your flesh when your spirit is empty.

"Modern dating is transactional" Tells a story of how he selected his wife via check list.

Its all good as long as both of them answering the questions together. Its a good way to get to know eachother deeper quicker

This right here is deep: "Whatever is too easy to come, you DEVALUE it"

Hasn’t relationships and marriage always been transactional, just in different ways throughout the eras? Back in the old days, it was about the men providing a home, food, safety, and money, while the women kept the home in good shape, prepared meals, took care of the kids, and cleaned. The transaction was about survival and providing a family.

Wow. 101 Questions on the second date. Incredible! Great guy!

What an amazing man. Very respectable

I don't find Patrick's idea of courting to be my however it's real, there is no courting nowadays. Been talking to girls, was talking to them like they were people, handled the interaction like how i wanted to be approached, sincerity with a decent level of seriousness. it's alien to them. So much so they would much rather prefer to be just "wanted" in a animalistic sense, like hey girl wanna fuck ? I'm being serious, that is a compelling way of starting things off for a lot of girls. I was talking to this virgin girl, she was talking about non stop how she wants a MAN and standards and all that but what she really meant is that she wants to be desired so much so that the guy just takes her to bed no questions or bullshit involved. I'm serious. I'm not sure if this is bad or good but it's certainly is real. She doesn't wanna go to a movie, she doesn't wanna go anywhere really, she just wants to vibe. I think it's immature but that's majority of 18-30y old girls.

My husband wrote me a really sweet song and said " one day I hope you will be my wife." Well...I am his wife now❤ my husband has the same "intensity" and I cannot imagine life without him 🥰

That’s where his different cultural background comes in. It’s the same with Sadia Khan.

I like and appreciate the "old school", traditional dating. The starting point meeting someone that catched your interest, you talk, you want to know the person. You want more a relationship. You build it you start with a foundation. The friend ship I mentioned. Instead of jumping in to bed. That's too easy. Unless that's what you want........ a hookup

I like it! 👏🏻

He goes straight to the point. I like it

Direct is efficient - there's the scenic route too but biology don't wait either.

If a man doesn't have time to get to know you, dont expect him to find time later on in the marriage. You are just a box to check on his list of accomplishments.

Guy who has never dated in the age of social medial tells guys how to date in the age of social media. lol

Wow. What a good point made. Direct and honest. Definitely dream for that.

Two extremes in one YT Short, ladies and gentlemen.

There's a thing called friendship dating. No one does that anymore. It's just straight to romantic dating and that's where everyone gets it wrong. Including this guy.

The “took her to church” part is a sneaky lie I’m sure to pander to his base.

I don't really think there were a ton of people doing that back then though. Anyway, it's not as though people aren't still seeking connection, and each person that doesn't do the work to find it isn't going to get it.

Im the same age as this guy and i am married and with kids. That approach there was never “it” back then either. Lol

Also i feel that people think good relationships are built naturally and that is FAR from the truth. In the best relationships there is a SHITLOAD of talking and figuring each other out. I guess people think you get to know someone by just being around them? Thats not the case, you gotta ask questions and give honest answers to questions that are asked of you. A few words can save years of therapy lol.

Omg that was beautiful!!!!

Thank Political Correctness, Feminism and Cultural Marxism for that.

I must confess, the way he described it was...uh intense. I'm more on the relaxed side of things.

Bold move my man.....but yeah, if you know what you want.

Love this guy ! Straight shooter.. need more of these men ..he's 🔥 too ! What a leader provider protector 👏

Love PBD everything is a business deal that is analyzed down to the smallest detail to ensure success.

I’m modern-traditional. Going the dating route, no. It’s unpalatable to me. Like an awkward job interview. Slowly getting to know a potential life partner, yes.

any gift you buy to a girl nowadays is an invite to being ghosted.

You're both absolutely right. It feels different now

Aye yooo I need this lmao

The good old days. Back when you had to plan the outing and talk face to face with no high expectations.

Whoever think hes wrong, theres a 3/4 chance your marriage is going down the dumpster the traditional way :)

Capitalist projecting is exactly why someone might think transactional is more accurate than adversarial

Its only "transactional" if you amke it that way. You are your own human being, what everybody else is doing doesnt have to define what you do

Of course PBD brings a cold call script to his courtship interactions

I’ve stopped because one I’m a single mum so already blew it and two I felt no one would give me a chance to get to know them or them to know me.

Yeah its mental. People are acting like you can do arithmetic about your future spouse

He nailed it. There's no actual relationships anymore. Women are treated as unattainable goddesses and men are treated as disposable accessories. There's no actual caring for each other's souls. It's all a game of psychological tactics and extremely one-sided expectations. And everyone wraps their entire perspective around this mentality that says "i gotta do X and to make the other person do Y. And I gotta make it to where I can do as little of X as possible, while they give me as much of Y as possible".

Logic work in every situation 😅💪🏻

I think Chris nailed the point. On almost all media that I see men and women are being pitted as adversaries. This is just simply a bad idea. - we are not enemies at all… as far as PBD’s point, well I’m not really sure what to say about that. 🤷🏻‍♂️

"My era you had to court," STFU, dude. You ain't even close to that old.

Easy come easy goessss

He says it was harder to date but than explains his dating experience which is basically the same to most people have now.

He is serious! 😂😂❤❤

Other than Adversaries, we're also competitors as well... Then when you had double standards, navigating 2 dozen different ordeals to avoid multiple negative areas around women from legal, image etc then might as well be enemy combatants as well

Relationships are indeed transactional and there's nothing wrong with it.

he's entirely on the outside and compares it to his day, no man, its very much the same

Say no to dating. Say yes to courting. Say yes to marriage. Say yes to family.

It never was it

Wow eye love this

The great Aaron Clarey says we're in a "post-marriage" society. He breaks it down in his books "The Menu," "The Book of Numbers" and others.

Also everyone is busy hustling their ass off, there isn’t much time for dating lol

I agree dating had become transactional, but his approach also sounds like a job interview - and telling her you've been through the same process with other women? So comforting for her....I'm sure there's a middle ground.

Wow! I told a guy this and he said you don't tell a guy you are dating for marriage because you will run them off...the book he is talking about is what I wanted to do...

So when were men and women “encouraged” to be equal? Once I see a quota near to 50/50 in corporate leadership, politics and law enforcement I will believe that we’ve finally reached equality.

I appreciate his approach! It does sound very transactional though :D

Finding a quality genuine person is not easy to come by. Finding shallowness and someone willing to go to bed within the first week or day of meeting is much easier to come by. I guess it depends on what you’re looking for.

depends on where you are

Modern world is ego without consciousness A Yin without his Yang I could argue that manymany issues today are link to our relationship with our egos. Thats a human weakness that is historically best handle by monotheistic religion for some reason ( and im not even religious)

Ha! It’s always been transactional. These days it’s just a matter of degree, but nothing has changed in the transaction side.

Ah yes the old days of romance and courting, when the fourth interviewee finally passes the exam to become your wife

dating apps feel terrible to use because there is feeling of magic - it doesn’t feel the same as meeting someone in the library or class, I hate how it feels like the developers are determining your future