Modern Family’s Alex: The Dark Side of Being the Smart Girl 

WATCH MORE - Haley's arc on Modern Family fizzled out in a weird way. Here's our TAKE on how they could have done her story better: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WBMxDcUtI_4.html

I always hated how Claire neglected her. Especially in the episode where Phil was worried about Alex and all Claire could care about is Haley. It is disgusting.

It really upset me that in the end they paired her up with the professor who was obsessed with Hailey. She deserved better. Why couldn't she find someone who wasn't her sister's sloppy seconds. It would have been nice if she ended up with someone who improved her with being understanding or breaking out of her single focus on academics, not the same as her. It was so rushed and clearly a very lazy last minute pairing.

being an overachiever is a trauma response and i always liked the complexity in alex’s character

I absolutely despise the parenting logic that is “well they’re the responsible one so they need less attention.” Logic some people have.

I think you could also talk about Phil. He was the one parent who at least tried to make it up to Alex every time he realised they had messed her up.

i know it's supposed to be comedic but that episode where alex wins a bunch of awards but claire is only focused on luke and goes all 'i am so proud of you' while alex says 'maybe next year alex' was pretty sad

One of my favorite scenes is Jay telling Alex she has to take his place looking after the family because no one else is up to it. Sorry I don’t remember the episode but it was a sweet moment.

Alex was my favorite Dunphy kid. Probably because I was deemed smart enough to be left to my own devices as a kid and have high expectations set for me. Might need to talk to my therapist about this one.

I think she should have had a more defined romantic arc. It would have been better if she ended up with Ben instead of Arvin. Or atleast she could have stayed single by the end of series, it's very annoying when makers pair everyone up in the finale

Alex's was the most relatable out of the three Dunphy kids, but I always felt she was the most neglected. I understand this was also played up for comedy but I feel Claire could have helped her embrace her more fun, feminine side. I also feel the Take could have talked about Alex's mostly dysfuntional love interests on the show.

I root for Alex! I always despised how Haley was never punished for the extreme bullying she put her sister through. One of the worst that cemented my absolute dislike of Haley when she took an embarrassing photo of Alex and shared it on Facebook. And the story arc of that episode favored Haley and had Alex lose in the end.

I can relate to Alex so much. I always put too much pressure on myself to succeed and do well, so Alex's breakdown definitely resonated.

Booking her own appointments and such resembles parentification, and she is bullied by her sister honestly. The problem with being the achieving, gifted, put-together child (esp in a dysfunctional family) is that people have high expectations for you, applaud you for being low mainetence, etc.

Phil and Claire were kinda crappy parents to Alex. They failed in the small moments, then whined about how they didn’t feel close to her. My main example for this was the episode where Phil and Jay took over the coaching for Manny and Luke’s basketball team. When Alex asked Phil why she had to go to the game, Phil said “because we love your brother.” Then Alex asked why Luke didn’t have to go to her cello recitals, Phil said “because we love your brother.” Then, later in that episode, Claire decided to humiliate Alex in front of her classmates at the mall, because Alex had the audacity to not want to be seen with her mom. It’s something that every teenager goes through. Claire, who constantly complained about her own mother should have understood that, but nope, she decided to humiliate her daughter- who was already struggling to fit in. Then at Alex’s 8th grade graduation, Claire was crying about losing her. Several seasons later, Phil was complaining that he didn’t feel close to Alex and tried to force an over worked waitress into labor just to have a “big moment” with Alex. He was putting a woman and child’s life in danger. Little things matter. I think that Alex being “mean” to her family and uninterested in her parents being around for the big moments were a result of them belittling her to be funny in the smaller moments.

Alex was so misunderstood. Her character was always ignored by the writers. And that was not fair. She still is one of my favs in the show. Despite being so smart & pretty - she never won in most of the episodes

I've always forgiven Alex for whatever her shortcomings are such as the small mean quips and tricks. I can honestly relate to her a lot. I understand why at times she can be unnecessarily mean. With the amount of pressure and neglect the family puts on, her being occasionally mean to feel superior is a way of coping with her feeling less important than her siblings who are often focused on while simultaneously being the one her parents expect to pick up after her siblings in the future if or when they fail or mess up. Imagine being referred to as a "safety net" for your siblings, that can mess with you and I know from experience. In my family, I am often referred to as the smartest, while simultaneously poking fun at that fact while putting expectations of me being the most likely to become successful because of that fact. She's a great character and I also love her and Haley's dynamic, because it's such an accurate portrayal of sisterhood. Me and my sister are a lot like both characters. One of the reasons we love Modern Family!

One of the most heartbreaking Alex Moments for me was when Phil and Claire come home after date night to find Alex crying on the living room floor, and she simply says, 'I dont have any friends....' Genuinely make me wanna cry everytime.

OMG. So she didn't get into the "Stanford of the East." She got into CalTech! She's not exactly failing at life. LOL. It's a much smaller school, and a far more intense a place. Also, frankly, the people I've met who graduated from CalTech have been way more impressive than the people I've met who graduated from Harvard. They're rarer (due to the smallness of the school) but they're more impressive overall.

I was the smart girl in my family and I found Alex to be the most relatable. My family put a lot of pressure on me to be successful. I graduated highschool early and graduated from college. My family wanted me to be a lawyer but I failed the LSAT twice. I cracked under pressure and I realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I only studied for the LSAT because that’s what my mom wanted. Now I’m 27 and working in claims which is not what I expected.

Her break up with Bill was seriously one of the most stupidest breakups have ever seen done on television. To add insult it took place right beside Luke's, the funniest breakup in the whole danm show. 😂

1) people can be smart AND social 2) parents need to realize how damaging and frankly even abusive they can be without always realizing 3) people often hate on smarter individuals maybe bc theyre jealous 4) theres different kinds of smarts

This is true in real life. I am the smart one and the oldest daughter in my family. I also was the first to graduate college and earn the highest salary in my family. This year I learned I have GAD, which I manage now. I learned how to say no and I’m not perfect. Smart and self sufficient doesn’t mean we don’t need help ❤

as a huge nerd and alex supporter, this is so nice. everyone keeps saying she's so mean but honestly i think it was just in the later seasons that her character was sorta reduced to just the smart one, without any depth, but that happened with all the characters + happens in most shows that run past 5 seasons. but alex as a person and character is amazing and deserved more exploration and depth

As someone who was a lot like Alex, her breakdown resonated with me.

The stress episode was a unique one

The Dunphy Girls were failed by the writers and their parents

I always hated how they didn't believe Alex that time she had a boyfriend because they assumed she made him up because he had an unlikely name. As if she wasn't pretty enough or interesting enough to get a boy's attention. Alex was just as pretty as Haley(prettier in my personal opinion). I would havr also have liked for Alex to come out as Bisexual in her college years with Mitch being the first one she comes out to first.

I feel like the pressure to be smart was all her. This family is fine with stupidity. Her proving she was above everyone else became her character for a while

The problem with being the smart kid in the family, especially if all are both smart and popular, is that there are such big expectations, due to the fact that” we know you can”. But the thing is, however great your achievements seem to outsiders, you never truly feel like you’re enough, because your parents seemed to have it all, be it a group of friends, or a relationship. And at some point you just derail off course in little ways. I personally think this show is more in your face, because in reality the smart kids usually don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. But that is life, so you have to go on, regardless.

And why does the smart person always wear glasses? Yeah, I'm familiar with what Dorothy Parker's said equating "girls with glasses" with bookworms men prefer to ignore. But it's not like reading causes myopia

Alex makes me feel seen. Being the smart girl can suck.

It was so sad that Alex ended up with Haley's sloppy seconds in the final of Modern Family. The guy that Haley ultimately rejected decided Alex was good enough after all 😢...

I am the "smart one of the family who never quite reached her potential". Felt a lot of pressure growing up trying to be "perfect", most of it from myself, Like Phil said "a self-cleaning oven". Decisions I took in my early 20s were out pure fear of this very reality of failing. That fear component made the whole thing a self-fulfilling prophecy. Adulting sucks.

Her speech of the 6000 idiots in a field always gets me. If Alex was real she would have been one of those lonely, depressed persons with a crappy job meanwhile the rest would have been having amazing lives

growing up as a “good” asian kid, I always feel so much pressure. I always got good academic results, always finish the chores, participate in debate, competitions, sing/dance performances, MC, always nice and polite with adults and other kids. At first it’s fun receiving praises from parents and seeing your parents get praises from their co-workers because of you. Then slowly the pressure built. You’ve always been good so people expect you to keep being good. My parents expect me to be the perfect daughter, my teachers expect me to receive awards, my friends expect me to do amazing work in group projects. And then unniversity, people expect you to have a good job, etc. It’s so tiring. Sometime I feel like I just want to turn back time and be a decent (not good, not too bad) kid. Someone people will say “I’m supprised you managed to get in an university” in stead of “So which university are you going to? Is it the ‘top one’? Why don’t you get an scholarship aboard?”

Great analysis! Yeah, as the smart one people really do tend to pile things up on top of you all the time because they think 'oh, you can handle it.' Doesn't mean it's heathy though or that you will be able to in the long run.

I remember the first time I saw that episode I was 15 & I cried the whole night because so many things in my own personal life were put into perspective. I was 15yr old grade A overachiever having an existential crisis & entertaining thoughts of suicide out of the fear that I wouldn't reach everyone's expectations of me & that at least if I died I wouldn't disappoint them by failing. You could never pay me enough to relive my teenage years.

Phil and Claire were terrible parents to Alex.

Alex and other bookish smart girls were such inspirations. Even though I was never the smartest one in the room, I really admired this trope ❤️

What's so sad and wrong about playing Words with Friends game with your grandfather? Your grandparents, uncles and aunts on both your parents sides can be friends.

I kind of fell into in between category but there's many facets to the smart girl. I liked books, and art, writing, music, history~ but I couldn't call myself a genius 😅 but all that thinking and pondering did tell me that there was more to life than good grades. Honestly throughout the seasons until she got some clarity, she did not look happy hehe good on her to finally find herself~

I identify with her a lot. Like her, I spent the first 18 years of my Life being the smartest one in the room. I was arrogant, extremely uptight and I almost went crazy when I started comparing myself with "true prodigies" around 15. When I got into university, the best one in my country, it was an experience of humbling. For the first time I was being challenged. If I had been challenged from an early age, my Life would be a lot easier and I would be much less frustrated and much more resilient than I am now.

Another reason maybe why claire give more attention to Haley than alex is because she doesn't want haley to replicate the same life as her. There were many instances in the show where we saw similarities between Claire and Haley.

This reminds me of the Rory vid. So many similarities but significant differences

Please make more videos about Modern Family

The way the show pitted Hayley and Alex against each other so reductively was always kind of jarring. There were instances this was brought into focus but there was never a real effort to deconstruct it. In a way though this is kind of realistic to the way girls in real families can be pitted against each other/placed in overly restrictive boxes. I definitely think that (intended or not) you can see the way that Alex was made to be the way she is. She was made to feel that academic success is all she had to offer, and she clung onto that. She seems jealous of Hayley and makes quite spiteful jokes at her expense - but I really hated how the show did call her out on this, whilst still allowing everyone to diminish her and make her feel less than (nerdy, ‘boyish’, boring, a nag, unpopular), and kind of isolating her within the family. Alex can be mean (although sometimes this seems like defensiveness), but in the show the onus is almost always put on her to change without having any of the attitudes around her interrogated. It’s one of the things that makes the show feel quite dated to me tbh.

I loved how in the Alex’s graduation episode Hayley was the one to tell her that just because she’s smart it doesn’t make her problems matter more or make her better than everyone else that’s stuck with me

The only person who put Alex in ths smart girl box was her. To me, it just seemed that her family loved her as she was and didn't put any pressure on her. They never got upset if she failed a test. They never pressured her to be a success or get good grades or be successful. The only one who ever did was herself. I think it was because she just looked at Hailey and was perhaps jealous of the fact that she was pretty and successful with boys. She probably thought that she wasn't very beautiful and as a result, concentrated on her studies as a way to make something of herself. Secondly, she cared what people thought of her, and since she didn't feel beautiful, and she competed to rule over them intellectually. There is that one episode when they come across Luke and Manny trying to get their drone back from her fellow nerds. She gets it back to them, and Hailey asks just what happened. Alex just says, "someday my people will rule over your people." Smart, really intelligent people always think that way....the whole entire nerd revolution was based on it. The thing is that she did have some good boyfriends and lovers, but once again, she overthunk it. Thats another bad habit of bad people. Also, she wanted people to respond to her, but she never let other including members of her entire family, in on who she was and what she liked. Sometimes she didn't even want her family to be around..like the time Phil unexpectedly visited her at college when she was given that award. She totally drove him away. But, ironically, I liked Alex out of the other two children. Classic introvert. Want people to respond to them, but doesn't open up herself to them.

Parents put a high premium on intelligence for their kids and almost none on happiness nor resilience.

My suster and niece are both very smart. We didn't focus on it with my sister but my cousin did with my niece going to to put down our cousin the same age as my niece. My sister was disappointed by her grades but moved on. My niece on the other hand was near suicidal and fared much worse when she found out the "dumb pretty" aunt got higher grades than her and didn't even give a sh!t. The smart girl is more of a pressure put on little girls by lthers rather than a quality inate in them.

Alex was a lot like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, Rich Sanchez from Rick and Morty, Paris from Gilmore Girls, Tracy Flick from Election, and possibly Lisa Simpson. Her arrogance makes her a punch line. Smart characters seem to lack social skills and modesty.

She's my version of the ryan gosling patrick bateman "literally me" meme

I spent my teens trying to be perfect, then soon as I left home I spiralled really badly. Only now just back on track

Might sound weird and not at all work but I kinda feel like Haley and Alex should have swapped storylines meaning have Alex get pregnant at early age and have Haley pursue a career I think that would have pushed those two characters in more interesting directions that what they got.

I think that being the middle child is also a factor to explain (not justify) how the parents treated her. People here saying they hated this or that character are maybe telling us more about their families than about the characters in the show 👀

this is kind of relatable a lot.❤

I like the bond between Alex and Haley, despite their differences and the mistakes their parents made in regards to both of them (it's hard not to make mistakes as a parent, even with the best intentions), they knew each other very well and so many times ended up being way more helpful and assertive than the rest of their family

As a kid I felt pressured by my parents to succeed and when my parents realized they couldn’t do anything but support me granted it took 15 years for them to realize that but throughout my childhood they expected more from me than my little brothers or sister and I guess they backed off a little when I reached middle school and I started to rebel I would do stuff such as stay out late late late like 2am or something and my parents just brushed me off as if I were dog poop

One thing i love about MF is how well developed and steady growth the characters have over the years, especially the kids. When it comes to the Dunphy girls, their dynamic as sisters and how others treated them, parents and family included, Alex is sort of the better version of a Jan Brady and Hailey the better version of a Marcia Brady. Both beautiful and smart in their own ways. Somehow, because Modern Family still started in the late 2000s-early 2010s, some of those old clichés character stereotypes were still in motion. Alex was the brainchild, the nerd, the less physically and morally superficial one, sometimes misunderstood, neglected, yet the most responsible and reasonable member of her entire family at times. The undermined sister against her more messy, cunning, ditzy sometimes but socially more popular “more beautiful” sister Hailey, who gets away with anything. Alex is more relatable because she has her moments where she also makes her mistakes, acts out of frustration and resentment against everyone around her( tbh with reason too many times) but still has the self awareness to recognize that from jump and admit it. She deserved better and lot of the time ❤ As someone who grew up in a big family with many big personalities within all of the siblings i was sort of a mix of an Alex and Hailey but never bratty or resentful. Middle child sorta way 😂

Alex was my favorite of the kids in the early years, because putting those traits on a child so young is part of the joke, and it was really cute and funny. As it went on (and frankly the writing dipped), these same traits slowly made her become the least likeable character on the show, imo. That "I'm better than you" air or arrogance is less endearing, the older you get. And to wit, she was mean in a way none of the other family members were, even grumpy old Jay.

It really bothered me when she left the high paying job to "save the world" in Atarctica, which she ultimately abandoned as well

Wouldn’t it be interesting to study Alex & Hailey as Daria and Queeny ?

I can never understand why people try so hard to be perfect. Why waste time trying to be something that doesn’t exist? Perfect. I am not going to expect people to have a perfect life, perfect manners, and a great family and all that crap because people have limitations, tempers, and there are things they just can’t do; and when people notice those things that they can handle they ask “Gee and I thought he was perfect.” It’s like a person you’ve known for decades whose never shown any anger suddenly explodes in anger and people are all surprised? Why? Why are they shocked? Someone losing it should be expected. We cannot expect people to great at everything. A philosophy I have made my motto since I was 14: “The healthiest of eyes can still leave you blind as a bat; do believe what you see.” Like when people have a promotion. People expect that person with the promotion to be happy and a good thing. But the added responsibilities of what comes with that promotion is so stressful that the person wish they still had their desk job. A promotion may seem like good thing in their eyes but it’s a completely different story mentally. And that is the problem, mental pain is invisible and that invisibility is usually the loudest form of silence. Old song lyric: In the silence we can still make a sound. That is Alex and everyone like her.

I am the family memory. I have to be.

Can someone tell me which episode is the one where alex goes to therapy?

Alex is the meg of the family

No wonder I didn’t watch this show. I didn’t need a reminder of how shitty my parents were when I was growing up. I was left to my own devices as well and that neglect caused a lot of damage. The thing that sucks is that Alex is lucky: she got to go to therapy. I had no one. No wonder I cut my family off.

9:10 what ep was this ? ​

Do one for tina belcher

WOW!

I used to really like this channel, but now it has dropped in quality and it lacks research and the depth of their past video essays. This one contains a lot of big and small factual mistakes as well. I understand that the creators must’ve burned out after all these years of providing us with truly amazing content, but I wish they could bring back the quality of the tropes series

Unrelated but since you have done about Almond Moms could you do a video about Beige Moms. The women who are obsessed with their homes looking a certain way with a certain aesthetic that usually includes very bland neutral colours that all essence of personality is stripped from the house and how it causes conflict because people want like personal items in the hpuse or perhaps children's toys and atuff which are always brightly coloured are left atvlike another house because god forbid even a scrap of colour enter the beige moms house.

I hope you are doing a break down on Cam and Mitchell they are my favorite characters and subvert many stereotypes of gay men

Alex is my least favorite character in MF by a wide margin and the reason I struggle trying to do rewatches. It's one thing to be the smart character, it's another to be so arrogant and snobbish and think you're so much better than everyone in the room. Yes, pressure makes things hard but hers is completely self-inflicted. She took that burden upon herself it's not like her family went up to her and said "okay be the smart one and provide for us" she just wanted to be "better" than her family. And as a fellow forgotten middle child, it sucks but, again, the superiority complex isn't relatable or understandable by any means. I think a lot of people like Alex because they project themselves onto her as the misunderstood genius. Like no. You're just a jerk if you act like her. Haley was correct in that it takes more than book intelligence to get places in life, you have to be able to interact with others with some level of empathy and friendliness or you get left in the dust. Alex never seemed to develop her way into kinder straits. Every time it seemed like progress was being made, she'd get that "wow everyone is such an idiot and I am a genius" look on her face or line or whatever. She's just exhausting and brings down the vibes. People wonder why others think intellectuals and academics are elitist jerks when we have media characters like her, Rory Gilmore, and Sheldon Cooper who think they're the smartest people in the room and won't shut up about it.

I think they could have used Alex more she is my favorite character. What bothered me was Haley constantly bullying her I mean it was maybe shown for comedy but I didn't find it funny. Next was Alex tried to bond with her emotionally was always disappointed .And ARVIN o god I mean I liked how Alex and Arvin looked very together but why do they to set her up with someone who was Haley's boyfriend.

Can you now explain to us why Lily was so mean?

All I can say is they did not expect her to grow up like that

I hate how the writers neglected her character

She evolved like a Pokemon 😂😂 Hormones did her dirty

Haha... I don't think nerds think of themselves as trying to be perfect because its their nature. There's only right and wrong to a nerd. For example crazy people are not aware that they're crazy.

So I see a lot of comments about how her parents are to blame for her problems because they didn't give her as much attention as her siblings. That's true, but you can't forget that she played a part in it as well. Whenever Phil and Claire would try to connect with her, she would usually brush them off or show very little interest, which was usually due to their differences in attitude and interests. She also usually kept her problems to herself rather than seeking help from her parents, which gave them the false notion that she didn't need them as much as the others did. It's a door that opens both ways

Third

Second 😂

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I couldn’t stand this character. She was obnoxious and constantly put down other members of the family. There’s nothing intelligent about her.

First