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Money ruins relationships. Here’s how to fix that. | Your Brain on Money

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Money ruins relationships. Here’s how to fix that.
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One of the last taboos in a modern relationship is talking about money.
While many people like to pretend that love conquers all, or that a positive attitude will overcome all obstacles, the fact is that money issues are a leading factor in divorce - especially among young couples. A 2013 study found that money issues played a significant role in 40% of divorces.
But why? In a consumer society like ours, why do we not like to talk about money in a relationship? And, perhaps more importantly, how can we keep this tendency from negatively impacting our relationships?
Kathleen Burns Kingsbury’s title is incorrectly cited in the video as financial psychologist. Kingsbury’s title is wealth psychology expert.
0:00 Money in relationships
1:08 Why some couples don’t talk about money
2:15 How to get aligned on money
3:58 Avoiding financial abuse
4:25 Your words matter
5:08 Your history matters too
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We created this video in partnership with ‪@MillionStoriesMedia‬
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Опубликовано:

17 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 96

@Fear_Therapy Год назад

Yes! Every kind of relationships especially family. This is very sad but true and still hard to find solution. That's why thank you for sharing this.

@tiberseptim8434 Год назад

This is what I love about living in Europe. You genuinely don’t have as much of a requirement for money, so it causes you a LOT less anxiety if you have guaranteed time off, hospital & doctor bills are free and a ton of other public services like childcare and school services. Having known my American partner for nearly a decade now, I can see why money would be a lot more of a worry for me in the US.

@BruceWaynesaysLandBack Год назад

It’s a 3rd world country with makeup

@emmanuelnaranjo8114 Год назад

And prostitutes are legal , what is not to like

@auroramothergoddess Год назад

Does he use prostitues

@MindfulMaverick29 Год назад

I really appreciate the timing of the upload, on Valentine's Day!

@MrStudentoflife Год назад

her money is her money , my money is our money

@escobyte Год назад

exactly

@BicycleFunk Год назад

For many this quickly devolves into hording by both parties, leading to eventual implosion and eventually her money being half your money.

@susanharris3552 Год назад

I must be married to her brother because he thinks his money is his money and my money is our money. But he's very generous with household chores. He leaves them all for me.

@Adri4n0 Год назад

@@susanharris3552 so lucky of you Susan 😆

@Khadangasantos Год назад

Exactly 💯

@jaughnekow Год назад

we are living in desperate times. money is important in relationships. financial stability is an important thing on both sides.

@cyrilroxas Год назад

wish this was a longer educational video. this is a topic that should be discussed by people

@BicycleFunk Год назад

Money ruins relationships because it clearly quantifies how people value one another. Furthermore, whether they value their partner based on their assessed value or relative effort. Here is a scenario to outline what I mean: You are a Green goblin in a relationship with a Purple troll and you both have the exact same job title at two separate companies, but you earn 10% more than your partner due to systemic racism (not much more than a century in this world's past Purple people were seen merely as thoughtless creates and trolls as not much more than property by Green people). A vacation trip is planned by and for the both of you that will cost $1000. Do you: A) Split the cost 50/50 paying $500 each? B) Contribute an amount relative to your effort required to afford the trip? I.e. you pay $524 and your partner pays $476. Although it's possible, it is not practical to put a monetary value on everything. When no money is involved, you are left to judge whether an even relative weight is being pulled.

@georgeh4944 10 месяцев назад

This video isn’t really about equal contribution or amount of money. It is more about spending habits and how we view money. My father makes a decent amount of money but he often buy things without thinking or researching which drive me crazy. Then there is my friend who is so conservative about money that he rather live with his parent at the end of 32 without his own car when he have the means to move out. His gf left him after 9 years because he refuses to spend money to move in with her. We use money everyday and that’s why conflict over money is the leading cause of divorce. It is really a conflict of personality that manifests in to how we view and use money.

@ooc6921 Год назад

Perfect topic on Valentine’s Day

@nitinhegde855 Год назад

what is with that white background not being completely covering the screen? I am curious.

@less_vanity5820 Год назад

Good one!

@youknowwhat6697 Год назад

I didn't know financial therapists existed

@omni4376 Год назад

Feel like this might be a very american problem. Never had any issues talking about money in my relations and neither did my partners. Just pure luck?

@armyforlife3191 Год назад

🖤💗 Typa girl you wanna wife up, sign the pre 💅🏻

@Catlily5 Год назад

I keep my finances separate from my partner. I did it from the beginning. Once we were traveling and pooled money and he got angry at me for spending $10 in US money! I said no more pooling money. We both save money but him more so. We also spend differently. I spend more on cheaper things year round. He spends more on things like expensive electronics once in a while. I think we would have broken up if we pooled our money. We have been together for 12 years.

@draco_2727 Год назад

Had to be said 👏 I think keeping finances to the individuals is better option and both pool in money towards common spending (rent, food, services) whether that's 50/50 or other ratio. Personally I think the problem with shared money is that you're obligated to share what you earned and in a relationship you should share because you want to, because it comes from within you. I think that by having separate finances and keeping it 50/50 (independent of income) It forces the other person to improve, to catch up, to learn and look for better opportunities. And of course that works based on several assumptions: both are "healthy", no incapacities or missing limbs, functioning brain, etc. But people get heated up because "if you don't share your money with me, then you don't love me and you're PLANNING ahead for the worse and run your way"... well not exactly, but it definitively works both way. If you like/love somebody, money should not be something you demand, you need to work your way and not see the other partner as an ATM or savings account in case "something happens to me".

@JaySmith-pv2mw Год назад

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!

@beetdiggingcougar Год назад

My favorite joke but it's 100% true. Nothing better than being free from that nonsense.

@TheNaiveMonk Год назад

Thanks for sharing.

@aquib-J Год назад

I believe this is a very American problem. In this world of globalized content, I believe they should preface this by saying this is all from data based on the US population to mostly cater to American audiences. I don't believe this is how it is where I stay in India and even from extended family who live in Europe or even in the States. This is mostly a culture/value problem.

@oindrilladas5122 Год назад

There are reasons. In India, it is still a taboo to discuss money. Money management is not taught early in schools. People in India mostly depend on their parents especially for their education. Mostly, they do not learn to earn until they finish college; therefore, the money conversations do not happen until much later in life. Besides, women coming into the workforce and earning is very new in India. Until recently, it was mostly the men who earned and managed family finances. Women were not involved in such decisions.

@aquib-J Год назад

@@oindrilladas5122 financial knowledge/money management knowledge in general and money management issues leading to dysfunctional relationship dynamics are two very distinct topics. I believe this particular video is talking about the latter. Also , on the point of men earning money and women not having a say in the financial decisions, you may be true in stating that women earning money is a relatively recent phenomenon, but you'd be surprised how far from truth the notion is that the female head of families have had no say/sway in the financial decisions even when the patriarch did bring in all the bread for the family. It's a trust/value issue where we've have a much larger concept of 'US' traditionally in our societies whereas western ideal of Us is more of an I , me , alone above all else concept, and this applies to both male females , hence having a hard time reconciling that post marriage/relationship, the Identity of the Us includes both the paties etc✌🏻

@HolisticManifesting Год назад

They all have American accents. That's a clue.

@aquib-J Год назад

@@HolisticManifesting oh wow, yeah , thanks , absolutely, how could I have missed the American accent as an indicator for that

@SN-sz7kw Год назад

I believe there is some truth to this - especially that money is very individual vs communal. I am American, but my spouse is Czech & we live in Europe - our conflicts have a lot to do with our geopolitical histories & habits of consumption. I’d say almost all of the issues come from my side. He simply doesn’t spend on anything beyond necessities & not much qualifies as a necessity. And relatively speaking, it appears much the same across the culture. I feel a lot of guilt that wouldn’t be present if I were in the States. I’m actually frugal by American standards. I’ve also experienced cultures where income is directed towards the whole - as in family wealth vs individual wealth.

@Mothermochi Год назад

Dealing in an extreme, what happens when one party comes into a lot of money? How do you relationship proof that. This was my experience, it was shocking how much my ex changed value wise when we came into money.

@MindfulMaverick29 Год назад

3:58 this!!

@bennethoseipeprah9023 Год назад

Spender vs Saver 🤔

@reginafefifofina Год назад

Couldn’t you have a conversation about your common goals and then just make a budget? Why is that uncomfortable? Did you lie and say you were rich/poor? Did you just realize you don’t want to be responsible for your loved one long term? Suggestion: figure it out before you make kids, large purchases or living together or 😂 a morality/commitment pre sex filter conversation. Happy VD!

@Mr.Boring_Man Год назад

If your values don't align then it will not work. This doesn't just involve the subject of manner.

@BLKSH33P_FIL Год назад

i love this show❤

@interestsavvy6813 Год назад

Can you like summarize it and avoid cutting to multiple people? I get distracted

@armyforlife3191 Год назад

🖤💗 I bring money to the table, not your dinner Both my body and my bank account, good figure Thinkin' 'bout me, but there's nothing to consider If I let you in my circle, you a winner

@victoriaporsiempre 11 месяцев назад

BP in your area! ❤😂

@DZ60 Год назад

The cause of relationship breakdown is never money itself, money is an excuse, people and their behaviours/beliefs are the cause of money issues and relationship issues

@andergarcia4953 Год назад

They arent rlly saying money itself is the cause of breakups but how people handle money usually is

@Novastar.SaberCombat Год назад

Having no narcissistic, megalomaniacal partners pretty much makes it a non-issue. 💪😎✌️ Besides, being an award-winning author is good enough for me! I do what I want, when I want, however I want. I'm simply uninterested in being accosted by others on what I don't have, and thus... I don't put up with such non-sequitur nonsense. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

@AgentSmithers Год назад

Book?

@OneStepToDeath420 Год назад

Strong projection vibes.

@KeefeL Год назад

@@OneStepToDeath420 i agree with you wholeheartedly Comment started off fine, then it descended into a self fulfilling prophecy really quickly

@joshi897 Год назад

The reviews for your book are pretty bad

@andrewgonzales1359 Год назад

It doesn't, really.

@momoneyy408 Год назад

If you can not talk to your S/O knowing there is going to be a fight and if you can’t have a decent conversation about money then you’re with the wrong person.

@TALLXXL Год назад

DONT GET MARRIED.

@TheHighLife4ev Год назад

Big scam

@BeaudiereLabs Год назад

Scam big

@purplepunch8712 9 месяцев назад

Ha pretty much

@sophiaisabelle0227 Год назад

We appreciate hearing your insights. Keep up the good work.

@A.I.- Год назад

"Studies show that conflicts over money is one of the leading causes for marital dissatisfaction and divorce, especially in the first 3 years of marriage." Correction: Who is MOSTLY dissatisfied and initiate the divorce due to conflict of money? Answer is Women. MOST Men will stick to their marriage for health and sickness, for richness or poorer, till death do they part. And the MOST women respond, "I do." But when financially in trouble, they bail and leave.

@De-tw7by Год назад

Exactly 💯

@shadiaaimee7468 Год назад

🤣actually men have statically been proven to be the more likely sex to abandon their sick partners (look it up!) Of course they are less likely to leave for financial reasons because they are more likely to be the breadwinner and unlikely to be the financial dependent in a relationship.

@smithrr6 Год назад

Women are more often the vow breakers, this is true. They take the vow "for better or worse, for richer or poorer" but only mean for richer only and for better only, screw what the vow actually means.

@bluedragon4168 Год назад

I'm a disabled beggar with no future and constantly on the verge of tears and anger. Money is all I can think of

@krissifadwa Год назад

Sorry. Which part of the continent you're located in?

@DanielaAdames Год назад

Maybe gofundme can help? Praying for better days for you!

@Stephen_Jabs Год назад

I believe you are in America a developed country but still has a lot of beggars?

@Thermington Год назад

But also has time to post RU-vid comments. Lmao

@crystalfullerton3908 Год назад

@@Thermington you're very rude

@tuberklz Год назад

Türkiye gibi yıkık bir ekonomide yaşadığım için çok üzgünüm

@userone7057 Год назад

Bu kanala gelmeniz, koşullarınızı iyileştirmek için harekete geçtiğinizi gösterir. Mali durumunuz ne olursa olsun, devam edin!

@simplysunmoon Год назад

Or you are on the same page even without opening the topic 😉❤️☀️🌙

@harveybirdman2674 Год назад

Wait isn't women are the ones who after the money in relationships?

@oranje2974 Год назад

terrible music in the background, unwatchable

@Lapask8 Год назад

You Americans tell us about money. Keep them there and talk about it on your own! You "seem" to be very happy with it.

@Austinn72 Год назад

how can we move away from luxury and begin rasing the standards of basic needs

@hepcatliz Год назад

this!

@fatehyabali Год назад

@TheBanjoShowOfficial Год назад

This will only work if your partner is not an irrational sociopath mind you. If your partner is a reasonable human being willing to sit down and have a conversation and then follow through with those actions, then you should be far better off. If your partner is a complete and total lunatic, this shit won't help.

@jarrettbobbett5230 Год назад

Title says its about money but this video is about relation ships Not Kool!

@LIV-FREE-VET Год назад

❤️❤️❤️

@hamzaree5647 Год назад

the solution is easy but you make it hard, read about islam this issue is solved 1400 years ago but if you believe woman is a man and man is a woman then just don't waste your time you coz women and men are different biologically and sociologically.

@courtneyreid4757 Год назад

Yes. I tell you, I'm really beginning to think that ppl need money therapy in this world ppl live in; and just because it causes so much b!tterness and UNnecessary conflict! Thanks for the good content❤️✅️