MONTESSORI AT HOME: Let's Talk About Chores!

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MONTESSORI AT HOME: Let's Talk About Chores!
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Опубликовано:

27 апр 2022

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Комментарии : 50

@laartje24 2 года назад

Something I missed a bit in this conversation but remember from my own childhood, is to, where possible, make sure there is still a challenge for your child in the tasks. This helps with preventing it from becoming boring. As an example, I remember that all I ever was allowed to do while making dinner was peeling potatoes. I actually wanted to learn how to cook and showed interest in other cooking tasks, like baking the meat, or cut the cabbage, but my mom would be too busy and just redirect me to the thing she knew I could do which was peeling potatoes. I got to a point where I got so fed up and frustrated I never wanted to cook again as a teen, because I was still only allowed to peel those flippin potatoes. New tasks within a task or more responsibility in a task can be a motivator on its own.

@SouhaillaK 2 года назад

Very relatable 👍🏼

@MyTwoCents0210 2 года назад

I appreciate how you include people of color in your illustrations, for so many reasons I can’t name them all. I also see that in your home. Thanks for all the diversity inclusion in your videos and parenting!!

@MariaandMontessori 2 года назад

An important part of this conversation that I know was had in the Elementary class, and my mom has had with me growing up, is the concept of thing we want to do and things we HAVE to do. If we never do the things we have to do, we won't be able to do what we want to do. Mom or dad HAS to go to work to earn money because we WANT to buy fun toys, for example. By that second plane of development, the concept of responsibility definitely comes into play. I know our Elementary class had a chart of what needs to be done in the class (feed thr pets, water the plants, set up lunch, prepare snack, etc) and there was also the role of "class lead", whose job was to keep track of what has been done and help anyone who needed help with their task. So rather than being the annoying nagging parent, the kids saw it as an opportunity to help each other and still take care of their class.

@HapaFamily 2 года назад

Yes-I also saw a similar system in Kylie’s primary class last year that was designed specifically for the kindergarteners. Thanks, as always, for your insightful thoughts! 😋

@anastasiialesik1064 2 года назад

Hi, just curious why you both seems to find this "HAVE to vs. Want to" concept effective with 6+ kids and teens. For me it sounds dangerous at least in a way it was described ("Mom or dad HAS to go to work to earn money because we WANT to buy fun toys" - Well I am going to work for obviously different reasons.. and would like my kid to know why i love my job with all its challenges and benefits) Being curious kid i would definitely ask following questions if someone would have "have to/want to" conversation with me. Would appreciate to hear what your response would be. What for do we/kids have to do it? Are you suggesting to this "HAVE to" works only as unlocker of fun? Who has locked fun behind "chores" then? Why do we/kids have to do specifically this and not something else?

@anastasiialesik1064 2 года назад

For me personally it looks more positive and constructive to use "actions & causes" approach to give experience of responsibility and convey WHY some "have to" are really something we WANT to. Smth like when Ashly has shown an example of positive discipline behavior when a kid is starting playing with food while being on the table. So Ashly’s example was just remove plates saying "oh, it looks like you are done eating and in a mood for play now, let's move to the playing room then" or smth like that Do you think the same approach would be more effective with explaining family contributions? Like if kid has not cleaned his plate after lunch, once dinner is ready you just noticing "oh looks like you plate is still dirty, have you planned to clean it now or are you planning to have dinner later then? smth like that, maybe you'll come up with better ideas for wording

@MariaandMontessori 2 года назад

@@anastasiialesik1064 Sorry, I'm not sure I'm following in which part of that explanation you're seeing as dangerous. This is a start to a conversation about responsibility with kids, which is a bit different from individual moments like the plate example. The original question mentioned her child is no longer interested in chores in general, so having a conversation about what responsibilities and family contributions are, before selecting who will contribute what, is a good way to get everyone in the same page. You certainly don't need to use the work vs toys example-this is one that stuck from my childhood because I remember always asking my parents to stay and play during the week. This helped me understand that they're not going somewhere for no reason but that there is a purpose. You can also frame it as "we have to cook dinner because we are hungry and want to eat. We also want to play on thw playground, but if we play all day, who will cook dinner? Then we will have nothing to eat when we want to eat. We can play now, and then we need to head home to cook. You can join me to cook or you can X, Y, Z". In reality, there are far more things that are not fun and mundane in life that we have to get through in life before we have a moment of fun. Certainly doesn't mean a 6 year old has to live like that, but that understanding that responsibilities and family contributions are necessary for us to have a clean home, fed bellies, and the space to play and enjoy together is important. We are all members of this home. If they chose a contribution that's not loading the laundry, that's fine. But my personal expectation in our home is that my daughter will still put her clothes in her own hamper to keep her floors clear. And if she wants to help with the rest of the process, she can. As for the question of "why do we need to do this?" That's exactly what that conversation is for-because we are a family and this is our home, and everyone contributes a little. But they can choose with you first what it is that they woudl like to contribute.

@MariaandMontessori 2 года назад

@@anastasiialesik1064 The main point being that no, nobody locked up fun behind chores but in reality, that's often what it feels like. Mom can't play with you now because mom's cooking dinner. We can't go to the playground now because we need to buy groceries first. We can play dolls, but your playroom floor is covered in blocks and cars. Those need to be clearwd so we have a space to play, right? You want mom's help? I was loading laundry becayse thats my responsibility this week. You can help me with my task and I'll help with yours. Or you can do yours while I do mine. Or you can wait for me to finish, but that means we will have less time to play. Whatever it may be. These are things that need to happen for our family unit to operate and mom/dad aren't the villains assigning boring chores-we are a team that works together. Because as the child grows, their responsibility will grow beyond clearing their own plate after lunch into potentially clearing thw table for everyone. And at that point, if they just leave it, there may not be plates to cook with or plates for others in the family to eat from. So explaining THAT is just as important, I feel, as pointing to individual examples while they're young. Surely it's a conversation and wording that needs to sit right with you and make sense for your family as well!

@sofcesharlandzievamitrova9528 2 года назад

Hi Ashley, love your videos for many years now :) When you can, can you please make a video on how to educate our kids about money, financial literacy, savings and spending. Thank you in advance

@SouhaillaK 2 года назад

Yes!!!

@mommysteacher 2 года назад

Yes

@yc5000 2 года назад

Yes! This would be great!

@blandlinda 2 года назад

When my kids were kindergarten through fourth grade we started a rotation between the three kids. One week, the child was a kitchen helper- setting the table, helping clear the table wipe the table down when we are finished, reset the chairs. The next week they were the laundry helper - gathering hangers, delivering clean laundry to bedrooms. The next week, trash helper. Take out the trash. Take the cans to the road on trash day. They also had a list of tasks for the week. Taking laundry from the bathroom to the laundry room. Tidying their rooms and bringing their trash from their rooms to the kitchen garbage can. This worked well for our school age kids. We continued this until they graduated high school! Our kids are now 25, 27, and 29!

@NovasYouTubeName 11 месяцев назад

Great tip we might try that!

@quintinavideo 2 года назад

You are a true teacher. I'm glad you found your calling. I'm glad to have benefited from your immense knowledge. Thank you!

@Hitogata 2 года назад

Oh Ashley 🥰 You helped me prepare for the baby/toddler years and now you are helping me prepare for the child/teenager years! Thank you thank you thank you 😄💙

@gingerglitter4ever 2 года назад

Just registered our son for the waiting list to enter into Montessori pre-schools here in Stockholm, thank you for all of your info, I feel like it has really been a gateway to my husband and I finding our path with parenting and the kind of tools we want to give our child so he can grow and thrive.

@athenasantiago3465 2 года назад

I know you mentioned it briefly, but I would love for you to do a full video on allowances. I decided to search it up when I finished watching your video and came across a great number of videos posted on allowance and almost all of them were reward based and tied to good behaviour. I definitely don't want to associate that sort of system with my children, and so I was wondering if you could share your system? What age would you recommend starting it? How much can they expect to receive? Do they receive an increase with age? Do you tell them to place a portion of their allowance in a savings account to teach them how to save, etc.,?

@margaretjones5488 2 года назад

Just in case this is helpful to your second plane person's laundry situation: After working with them to only have a weeks worth of 'favorite' clothes in their room, this set a natural limit for when laundry was needed. I didn't have to nag about it, the clothes independently found their way into the washing machine by the end of the week. (I am thrilled :) I still need to call out a reminder of 'clothes washer' for them to feel prompted to move the laundry to the dryer. But by the next day, the clothes get put back into their room when they are naturally reminded in the morning by an empty closet to get the clothes out of the dryer. I completely understand this won't work for every family (like maybe it's not for teens who need 'all the clothes'). It's just laundry didn't seem to be an internally motivated activity anymore, so I helped them scaffold themselves in this way.

@kristinolan7240 2 года назад

I am LOVING your channel. I wish i had known about this when my Daughter was little.

@butterflyrose4518 2 года назад

I love your content through the years. Thank you ❤️

@cdubsgates 2 года назад

Hmmm, interesting point about leaving the plate to be found later. If she gets down without clearing and says 'let's x' we'll say, 'sure! as soon as the table is clear'. Is this the same as a reminder? Maybe saying 'sure. hmmm, what needs to happen first'? would be better as it at least invites SOME thinking? What if the thing they forget to do is only inconvenient for others? They forget their plate but now I want to use the table, they don't hang up their towel but it's on my bathroom floor, etc? Thanks!

@EstherAndLife 2 года назад

Exactly what I was thinking - if they forget to feed the fish or dog or whatever you can’t just leave it for hours. Or if they choose not to do some of the tasks then what happens? Do they just live in a messy playroom or bedroom for months?

@yc5000 2 года назад

I didn't even realize how much I needed this video. My daughter is getting close to 5 and I am definitely noticing the shift. As you said, I always offer "Hey, do you want to help me with laundry?" and what used to be met with a 100% yes, has turned into maybe 75%. I'm not worried and I don't push it, but I definitely see her shifting into another stage of development.💗

@nishadhadha447 2 года назад

This was such an amazing learning!! Thank yoh so so much for sharing 💜💜💜

@edithdoss646 2 года назад

Thanks! This is so helpful!

@justinacrisp7099 2 года назад

Hello Ashley. My 3year old daughter and I have been watching your videos and are learning together. I have watched some of your videos on positive discipline, but am finding myself getting anxious at times when it comes to setting boundaries and how to exemplify setting boundaries for herself. The specific examples you have given about sharing, hitting, interrupting, quiet time and natural consequences have been helpful, but I could benefit from more. For example, allowing space for her sister (7 months old) to focus on nursing and other issues involved in having to share my focus. I've found a good amount of examples on how to avoid authoritarian parenting but worry in my efforts I anxiously freeze up at times and error on the side of being too passive. Much of what I love about the Montessori approach is how organic, natural, and rooted in common sense it is, but I feel a growing anxiety that I know is holding me back from helping my daughters more.

@gingergomez3134 2 года назад

She has a video on how to stay calm as a parent that I was thinking of watching soon. It might have some good ideas 💡

@ruthmulugeta818 2 года назад

Thanks a lot. So helpful.

@zhaniyabekbau9379 2 года назад

Thank You! Can you please tell a little bit more about 2nd plane, cosmic learning, and how to help them think for themselves? thank you! There is a lot of info about 1st plane but really little about 2&3. As I know if 1-3 went good 4 will naturally work out.

@simplynoah4706 2 года назад

My 2 sons have chores and the older one cooks and the toddler does veggies washing and cleaning up.

@scchui84 2 года назад

Hi Ashley, thank you for the tips, it’s incredibly helpful as in checking where my 3yo is with these daily tasks. You talked about not giving them pressure and offering freedom to choose to do it or refuse while invited. But at the end you also said we have to hold firm boundaries when they do want to do something in order to be consistent. I like to know how I can hold boundaries when I don’t use punishment and incentives, eg. My son often refuse to pick up the food or things he dropped on the floor either by accident or when he was frustrated or being silly, how do I get him to pick them up the Montessori way? If I leave the food or things he dropped or threw on the floor all day and all night, my whole house would be covered with things. My husband usually tells him not to throw things or be careful and picked it up himself without requesting my son to do it. I often ask him to pick him up politely and matter of fact manner, but refusing (Straight Nos!) or ignoring is his first response always , I find myself always resort back to if you don’t do this we can’t move on to do that, so it’s kind of a consequence and it sometimes work and sometimes don’t. This is quite a long question , hope Ashley or anyone can enlighten me as I do struggle regularly with this behaviour.

@AT-hz4eq 2 года назад

I really enjoy your video every time. I was just thinking i want to make a TO DO list like yours in this video for my daughter. Where could I have those pictures online? i would like you to share them if you don't mind. Thank you.

@philippapay4352 2 года назад

Family Contributions or Household Participation, we must all do our part without being unduly burdened by chores, tasks, errands. We do take away their opportunity to self-correct if we stand over them and micro-manage all they do while they are doing it. I could not agree more that our full participation in the household cannot relate to getting allowances. Those financial weekly amounts given children should be to teach them financial skills. All participation in the household is because we all live there and enjoy it, so help do tasks.

@lotte90 2 года назад

Hi Ashley. Thank you so much for this video, I’m really glad you made it because my husband and I are going through a similar phase with his 7 year old son. If there is ever a chance, I would love to see a video about blended families and how to tackle issues like stepchildren resenting the new partner/wishing for their parents to go back together? It probably must not be the easiest one, but I’m throwing it out there :)

@jeanriverton6965 Год назад

my parents separated when I was 1 and both my parents had partners during my childhood. my tipp is that the partner is included in fun activites regularily (going outside, baking, reading a book, doing crafts, whatever). I really liked both girlfriends my dad had during my childhood, because the first was really crafty and taught me how to make a rose out of a napkin and baked bread with me and my dad and the second was a great storyteller who would talk to me about celtic mythology and discuss books with me. So find something that you and the child enjoy. The parent and child should still have a little bit of "alone time" tough, for example during the bedtime routine. another tipp is to talk about it with the child (in a calm moment), to set expectations and to ask the child for their expectations. usually the child is being "difficult" because it feels excluded or not validated or understood enough. Or it feels like all the attention of the parent is on the new partner and they get overlooked. what got 8 year old me to suddenly dislike my moms boyfriend (even tough I knew and liked him since I was three), was that he suddenly acted like a father to me when we moved in together - he started telling me what to do, he started nagging and reminding me of chores and he was a lot stricter than my mom. I had a father and I didn't want him to be my dad, I wanted him to be my friend and to make my mom happy. I felt like it was not his place to raise and discipline me and when I told him that, he got angry, even tough my mom saw it as I did.

@katieloren5148 2 года назад

Can you talk more about allowances and your approach introducing financial literacy to your preschooler? Thanks!

@jessicafreeman6545 Год назад

Would love to hear how to do allowance! You mentioned not connecting it to anything, but how do you handle them feeling like they will just be handed money?

@dilpreetrajkhokar3162 2 года назад

Pls make a video on sensitive period for Music

@tommypatton3556 2 года назад

I know you've mentioned in several videos the importance of offering choices, but my 22mo often has real issues with that. I'll ask her if she wants the green pjs or the pink pjs and she wants both and cries when I put either one back in the drawer. Or the other day we were playing with play doh, and using a rolling pin from her kitchen. Then when we were done, she couldn't decide whether to put it back in her kitchen or with her play doh and she ended up so frustrated she threw it. I know I could just choose everything for her, but at the same time I don't want her to be reliant on me to make decisions forever. Does anyone have any experience with this and/or thoughts or tips?

@Buttercream580 2 года назад

I am having the same issue with my 2 and a half years old. No advice sorry! 💕

@tushitatravel2710 2 года назад

Yes we are facing similar issues with our son ..he used to pick up one of the two, between 2 to 2.5 yrs . But suddenly he would start crying, throw both on floor .. i also spoke to his paediatrician. So i was told between two to three sometimes they cant complete express themselves and hence they end up getting frustrated.. it's also called terrible two's i guess .. so maybe the child is unable to decide at times, maybe they aren't able to process they can't hv both and it frustrates them.. It is getting better slowly , lot of patience to keep up with the crying and calming down ... Hope it helps..

@shaziakamran3866 2 года назад

Kindly upload something for elementary kids

@jayeetabiswas9795 2 года назад

Is 19months a good age to start training a baby house hold chores?

@JessicaNWheeler 2 года назад

Speaking of allowance is Mia getting one now that she is 3?

@alisebluke5885 2 года назад

How to do allowances montessori way? For example: my daughter wants to go to her friends house but her room is a mess, although she knows that room needs to be cleaned and homeworks done if she want's to go. How to talk about that?

@melody_shmelody 2 года назад

For the allowance piece, she mentioned that allowances are completely unconnected to chores and purely for the purpose of teaching financial literacy. For the other part…I don’t know and am hoping someone else answers :)

@MariaandMontessori 2 года назад

For your second question, it, depends heavily on the age and circumstance. Important to remember too that some people just work better under pressure and are more of the type to procrastinate-and that's not always wrong, if they learn to manage that. I am that person, and my much younger brother is the opposite. Some of it is genetics and some is upbringing, so there's only so much we can do to instill that notion of "finish all your work before you play". I'm assuming your expectation of a clean room and finished homework before going to a friend's house is to avoid a late night return home when the room is still a mess, homework is not done, and now it's bedtime. That explanation, the why, is where the conversation should start (the depth will really depend on whether we're dealing with an 8 year old or, say, 15 year old). I'd say you'll have an easier time explaining this if she's asking to go to a friend's house on a school night versus on a Friday night when she has all weekend to do the rest of that work. But jus like Ashley explained, the lessons that stick around the best are ones we learn on our own. I'm very much someone who puts her work off until later. And I work much faster and better under that pressure. It will take me half as long to do it last minute. BUT I've learned through trial and error that I grossly underestimate how long work will take me. And I learned this lesson in the 6th grade when we worked on rhyme books, that we had to create, hand draw and color. We had all week to do it and I waited until the night before. My mom waited until I was about an hour past my usual bedtime to come in and have a talk with me about procrastination. Then she helped me get the busy work aspects completed faster so I'd get at least some sleep. But those darned books have stuck with me even until now, and I'm almost 30 🤷‍♀️ Did my mom tell me every day of my school life up until then to do my homework first? Yes. Did that work nearly as well as staying up late with endless work ahead of me? No. Slowly but surely I started adding buffers to my expected work completion time, be it homework or room cleaning. Depending on her age again, maybe there's a system of cleaning her room that she can help set up with you so it is an ongoing clean instead of a "rush to clean because I need to see my friend".