As a childcare provider I wholeheartedly agree with the quick confident goodbye. It makes them feel so much MORE secure than a parent who lingers trying to make the child feel better.
Nanny for 10+ years here 🙋♀️ as the one who endures the aftermath of the parents leaving, I have to say that Daniel Tiger has a great episode in the first season (which is free on Amazon Prime video) with a song called “Grownups Come Back” which has been so incredibly helpful, especially with the 2-year-old I’m working with right now who’s really struggling. It’s her most favourite song, she knows all the words and we sometimes even recite the lyrics without singing just as a reminder of what’s going to happen. I also pair this with an activity she looks forward to: so she only gets about 5-10 minutes a day of “phone time” to just swipe through pictures I’ve taken of her and her friend who comes over everyday (it’s a nanny share) and we talk about what we’re doing in them. She knows her numbers so when the clock says 5:00pm it’s phone time AND snack time (double whammy, it’s her absolute FAVOURITE part of the day) and we always say when phone time is over mommy will be be all done with work and she’ll come back to you. So throughout the day she tells me that mommy will come back later after phone time. I remind her when mom leaves if she’s just starting to feel upset and I think it helps prevent meltdowns sometimes. Also because her friend is a little younger and starting to go through this himself, it’s great to involve her in reminding him that his mommy will come back too, giving him pats on the back or even a hug. She feels like she’s being helpful, and we talk about how it’s okay to miss your mommy, it can feel sad but she’ll come back to you. Sometimes just having the song play on Spotify on repeat in the background is enough. Eventually it drives me crazy and I turn it off but it actually is a very pleasant song so it could be worse lol hope this helps someone!
I also like to let Stella know what we will do when I do come back. So as I'm telling her that she'll eat snack and play with dad while I'm at the dentist, I also tell her that we will have x, y, z for dinner together when I'm back or I'll give her a big hug...and then make sure I follow through. It may not be anything exciting, but it helps her understand that timeframe and adds to that consistency. It takes practice for them too. It used to be a struggle to even go on a 20 minute run, but now she gives me my shoes and goes "mama cheeetaaaaah" and waves bye to me before I even say anything 😭 I love that you highlight making the goodbyes concise and giving an actual tangible moment when you'll see them again. We so often hear kids in the class going "mom/grandma/dad said he is coming after lunch. We are going to the library". They really hold on to that and it helps them if they suddenly miss you! Also important is to really collect yourself and be positive even when you're the one missing them. I cannot tell you how many times we noticed a child suddenly acting sadder or missing a caretaker more than usual, and then at pickup we hear that person mention how much they missed their little one and cried all day. It's not easy on us as parents either, but it's crazy how much our kids can feel that even when we are apart from them! So once you leave confidently, remain confident!
after lockdown n covid 19. being at home, seeing parents for 2 long years, kids certainly feel separation anxiety. now schools getting opened, this is the correct video for a new academic year
Wow!! I teared up watching this video because separation anxiety from 6-10 months ruled my life. I did not spend a single minute away from my son for 4 months because I was afraid of him crying. No solo bathroom breaks, errands, sleep at night, nothing, and I was terrified it would never end. I googled my heart out during this time desperate for answers or solutions that were respectful and developmentally appropriate and THIS is the video I needed during that time! Thank you for making this for all the moms out there who might be where I was!
As always such good concise information Ashley. It's so true dragging out the good byes just makes it harder than it needs to be. Mom has to be confident in her feelings, even rehersing if necessary, so that child feels her confidence. Any caregiver will tell you child stops fussing minutes after mom leaves.
My daughter went to daycare at 9 months old and never even looked back 😅 I was relieved but also a little sad. But she was so happy to play with other kids and explore the rooms, test new toys etc... now she's 2 and goes every day with a smile on her face. Of course she's also very happy when I pick her up at the end of the day. The daycare ladies are amazing. Good people go a long way in reducing separation anxiety.
Thank you for this Ashley. I’m currently going through this with my young toddler during daycare drop-offs and it certainly pulls on the heart strings when she cries. I am doing some of these already but it’ll be good to try your other tips. I really want to help her through this. Thanks again 👍🏼
My son went through this from like 12-18 mos at daycare :( He is 21 mos now but he had a hard time at drop off for a long time, they always sent me a picture of him happily playing like 5 min later which helped me a lot.
@@therogueprincess3091 yes, my daughter didn’t have this before as well, but it seems to be getting better now. Hopefully yours won’t last long as well.
What a great topic to handle with us. So many adopted children, foster children, step children, and acquired children from the death of their parents suffer this anxiety to even greater degrees than the children we have reared from birth that go through the normal phase. Kids need to know, too, that we have self-maintenance needs and we must acquire things (incl. money) for the upkeep of the household. They, too, must go to doctors and will one day have to leave the house for their job of learning, which is going to school. You were good about covering other caregivers and making sure the children know what to expect.
I am so fortunate that my son is very excited about school and walks right in after just a couple weeks of anxiety when he was about a year. I think I am the one with more anxiety about being away from him after being together for so long, but having him at a wonderful Montessori school where I know he is happy and learning things I couldn’t teach him helps a lot. Need to do more of that self care though
This is so helpful, thank you! I can't wait to try this. We go to the Ymca twice a week. We take our son to child watch so we can go workout in the weight room. It is a nice time prioritizing our health and getting a little alone time together. He has been struggling with us leaving him there. We go swimming together as a family afterwards and we've been hoping he would start to associate the pool time with child watch and that comes next. It has still been a struggle after months of going. So hopefully this will help him!
to all the mommas that do not get a break, i understand how stressful it can be. i am praying for you, your rest, strength, and joy for all those teachable moments with the world's smallest battlefield - your child's heart. Jesus is always waiting, willing to help!
My husband and I are going to a concert this weekend, having a friend put our 9 month old son to bed and respond to him as he wakes while we're gone. My son cries when other people watch him so I've been feeling an immense about of guilt about going to this concert. We never do anything without our son because he gets so upset when other people are watching him, even if they're our lovely, trustworthy, caring friends who love our son. This video helped a lot. But I'm still struggling with the fact that I can explain all this to him, but he's so young he won't understand. So will it even help much? I don't know. But what Ashley shared about validating emotions and giving off a positive and confident energy to help our child to also feel more confident is very helpful advice.
Thanks for this video! Perfect timing, my 2.5 year old is starting preschool next month. She is very scared of strangers and hate when they touch her, so it's going to be rough. I'm going to have to step up and act as confident as possible and just cry in the car by myself after drop off🤣😭
This!! My biggest problem was I was just as upset leaving my child as my child was and no matter how much I tried to hide it I feel she picked up on it and it was a struggle for us both.
Hi..! Thank for the info..! My daughter was adopted at 4 month old and She’s having this anxiety of separation since she was 6 month old she is now 4 years old with speech delays and she still have this episode . Any advice?
What I’m struggling the most with is that I take care of my 8 year old niece and I have searched through the internet and can’t find good resources to guide me for her age group. I’m her free time, what should she be doing like socially/developmentally? She got used to her iPad and I hate it. She has a bunch of dolls and toys that are a waste b/c they’re never played with. She is beginning to read a lot so her library has been growing but I’ve been struggling! I’d like to use Montessori guidelines but it’s difficult b/c Montessori/Gentle Parenting resources seem to end at age 6, but how about if you’re starting with kids who are already 8-10 years old??
If I share the event like “I have to visit doctor after breakfast” then entire time she will keep convincing me and get anxious and start crying even before I am ready to leave 🥺 is this normal?
Hi, love your videos and I want to ask you if all these tips are applicable for 15 months old baby who will start nursery? I cried with my first child when was 2 years old and took us around year to get her to be confident and I will pick her up. I think that it will be the same with my 15 months old. Any tips how to make easier for both? Thanks so much😘
I can leave my babe with her dad when I need to go out but when it’s me alone and I want to put her down to play alone that’s when she starts crying. Even if she can see me. Help?
I would have the caregiver help to as gently and kindly as possible remove the child from your leg, and then follow through on all the other steps as discussed. Similar to how you might gently but firmly help a child who is crying and resisting being put into their car seat, to be safely buckled in before you leave. 😉
This is so hard. What about separation anxiety at naps and bedtime? My toddler does not let anyone else put her down besides me. She also does not want me to leave the room while trying to get her down.
I feel you, my son screams when I put him in his crib. He only wants to sleep next to me and before this regression he was such a good sleeper on his own. 🥺
Consistency. My husband has been doing it instead of me and he is more calm and accepting of it now. I still tuck in my child but just not every time now.
@@hisloveiseternal1 that’s actually what helped us as well before this regression. But now my husband gets out of work later & it’s too late to put him down at that time..
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