My favorite Mr. Burns joke is when Smithers says to him, "Sir, I think you're the richest man in town." and Burns replied, "Yes. But I'd trade it all for (pause) a little more."
There was an old kingdom that had a policy for prison guards that if offered a bribe, the guard would receive double what the bribe was worth for turning in the briber
@@1Hol1Tiger But if I were corrupt, I would say Jimmy offered me 500 bucks and he didn't but he is in jail already so fk him, then I get a grand. Next week Paul offered me a grand, next again week Simon gave me 2k and so on.
I honestly loved the part after guard "time for your cavity search" burns "I haven't had a cavity in 20 or 30 years" guard "I wasn't talking about your teeth" Burns "nor was I"
The greatest Mr. Burns joke ever was when he was filling out paperwork. "Social Security...naught naught naught, naught naught, naught naught naught two. Damn you, Roosevelt!" You can not change my mind about this.
Mr. Burns is fluent in German. When he attempted to marry Jacqueline Bouvier the only relative on his side of the family (other than Smithers) was Otto Von Bismarck. His League of Evil included a skeleton in a Nazi uniform. He is an associate of Rainier Wolfcastle. And then there is this: "Listen Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both factory owners. We both made shells for the Nazis. But mine worked damn it!"
Also his full name is Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns. Schicklgruber was Adolf Hitler's father's birth name, indicating that Mr. Burns is a close relative of Hitler.
@@roddydykes7053 Yeah) The silver age simpsons have somw great jokes and the modern simpsons rarely have some jewels) But seasons 2 to 12 were godlike in comedy. So many quotes you may say in just a week)
❤️YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR DEATH IF YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, AND TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART, BECAUSE HE ATONED FOR YOU FOR ALL YOUR INSULTS, THAT YOU WOULD OBTAIN PEACE WITH ALMIGHTY GOD, AND GO TO HEAVEN BY HIS GRACE!!!💖💖💖!!!💖💖💖!!! (The Holy Bible according to the Gospel of John, chapter 5 and verse 24, Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God says, whose existence can be proven by countless people from their own lives, says: Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath eternal life. He is not condemned but has passed from death to life.)
❤️YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR DEATH IF YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, AND TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART, BECAUSE HE ATONED FOR YOU FOR ALL YOUR INSULTS, THAT YOU WOULD OBTAIN PEACE WITH ALMIGHTY GOD, AND GO TO HEAVEN BY HIS GRACE!!!💖💖💖!!!💖💖💖!!! (The Holy Bible according to the Gospel of John, chapter 5 and verse 24, Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God says, whose existence can be proven by countless people from their own lives, says: Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath eternal life. He is not condemned but has passed from death to life.)
Honestly, I don't think taking bribes should be illegal, as long as you don't do whatever it is that the bribe is for. I do see that it would be harder to prove that kind of thing.
@@thewhyzer that is very stupid, and I'll tell you why. Humans are generally statistically incapable of telling when their judgement is impaired and when a subtle bias is changing their behavior. It's completely impossible to allow bribery and accepting bribes based on individuals simply saying "trust me bro it made no difference" and to know for sure that they remained uncompromised. Often the bribe can go unrewarded for many years until far down the line when finally someone gets a break in a hard position because they bribed the right person decades ago. This is absolutely unhinged and immoral logic. Change your opinion immediately. It's not ok.
Heck, it might have been something he carried around just in case. "Meh, I was going to give it to someone at some point... I can write it off as a gift, you see. And you not being swayed by it would actually lend credence to the claim. 'Why did it say bribe, your honor? Well, I am a share holder with the prison and was rewarding him for his... His... Umm... HONESTY! That's the word. And I thought it would be a fun bit of irony.' Hehe. You see? I'm in the clear whether you took it or not."
❤️YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR DEATH IF YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST, AND TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART, BECAUSE HE ATONED FOR YOU FOR ALL YOUR INSULTS, THAT YOU WOULD OBTAIN PEACE WITH ALMIGHTY GOD, AND GO TO HEAVEN BY HIS GRACE!!!💖💖💖!!!💖💖💖!!! (The Holy Bible according to the Gospel of John, chapter 5 and verse 24, Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God says, whose existence can be proven by countless people from their own lives, says: Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath eternal life. He is not condemned but has passed from death to life.)
my favorite Mr. Burns line- he was at the Mayo clinic for a checkup, they asked him for the cause of his parent's deaths.... 'They got in my way' I've ALWAYS wanted to use that!
"Tillie's Punctured Romance" (1914) is the first feature-length comedy and is one of my all-time favorites. Charlie Chaplin plays a major role but NOT as the Little Tramp.
Burns was trying to be like Lauri Allan Törni, except he played both sides in one war versus fighting in 3 different armies. If you don’t know who I'm talking about, here's a video that talks about him. He was a pretty cool guy! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Uz2Am9Ahy14.html
@@Shifsabre can you imagine how crazy pangea looked though. Just one big splot of land surrounded by ocean. I live in Georgia, and its crazy to think that we used to be able to WALK to AFRICA.
My Favourite joke, perhaps from all of The Simpsons, is when Mr Burns' father is taking him through his Atom Smashing factory and he inspects one of the workers pockets
Politicians, judges, and others need to learn from the bribe bit. Take the bribe and do nothing. Would be more effective in deterring bribery and corruption than refusing bribes. Refusing bribes prevents them from bribing you. Taking the bribe and not giving them what they want deters them from bribing anyone.
It would be like giving someone 2 reasons to hurt you, 1 because you're still not helping them, 2 you took their money Bribe is wrong, but a lot of people accept bribes because is the easiest way to deal with criminals, you accept their offer and they leave you alone, otherwise they can make your life very hard And these events don't remain untold, if someone doesn't accept the bribe or accept and doesn't make their part of the deal, the first smart ass will be severally "punished" by the criminals and everyone will know about it, otherwise other people won't make the bribe deal and the criminal will lose more of his "respect"
Reminds me of how when Mark Antony and Cleopatra were making their last stand in Egypt, Mark Antony sent a huge bribe to Octavian, to make him stop advancing towards Egypt with his army. Octavian took the bribe and kept on advancing until he eventually killed them both
Tillie’s Punctured Romance starred Marie Dressler as Tillie Also starred Charlie Chaplin Also starred Mabel Normand The three greatest comedy stars at the time and all from the Mack Sennett studio. First full-length comedy. Wonderful gag👍
@@cliptomaniac2562 its joke stacking my guy, where you fire off multiple jokes in rapid succession. you either get them or you dont. 1- "not a prison of bricks and iron. but one of steel and cement". the first half referencing the poem "to althea, from prison". 2- mr burns is old. "tillie's punctured romance" was the first feature film ever made which released in 1914. 3- mr burns having a bribe ready so he would be released. 4- the cop blatantly taking the bribe but claiming the envelope was empty, implying there was no money to begin with (hes stealing it). 5- mr burns is a nazi. the ss was the elite guard of the nazi regime. the ss card mistaken as an ssn card and he calls the guard a dummkopf, a common german insult for calling someone stupid. the hidden layered joke is that the card has mr burns current picture on it, implying that he somehow still gets the card periodically renewed.
@@MasterOfTruck No.3 went over my head as a joke. But it’s hilarious to think he leaves the house with his keys, wallet, pocket watch and an envelope full of money marked “bribe”. and that hidden layer joke is chefs kiss. Thanks.
Best scenes with Burns include the episode when he and Homer are trapped in the avalanche, the scene from the movie ("for once a white rich man is in control"), the lawyers scene, the cause of parents death scene and my personal favorite: "have the Rolling Stones killed"
Burns, after he lost the Governor Race because of the Simpsons, "Ironic isn't it Smithers that this anonymous clan of slack-jawed Troglodytes has lost me the Governorship. Yet if I were to have them killed....I"D be the one to go to jail"
@@mrdanforth3744 Trump win only because he cheated in 2016. That's why he's accusing Biden of cheating in 2020. Dems should have done the hundred audits line Republicans.
Yeah yeah it's a recent season so it can't have a single funny joke... Even a broken clock is right twice a day, stop being ridiculous and appreciate things no matter where they come from
Think about it, he never shot at the Nazis in the Flying Hellfish episode, not to mention sabotaging Abe Simpson's assassination attempt on Hitler; in the film festival episode, he revealed he made artillery shells for the Nazis. In the episode where he sells the plant to the Germans, appearing to hate them in public in order to keep up appearances and detract from the fact that he is actually an SS double agent disguised as an American business mogul. He even spoke fluent German in the takeover episode too. They know something we don't.
Re: The SS card with a current picture of Monty. It actually does make sense as a joke if one considers the perma-rumors that the SS is still around, having moved its HQ from Berlin to Buenos Aires or Montevideo.
Tillie's Punctured Romance was the first feature-length comedy film - I believe 1915? Charlie Chaplin was in it, but not in his famous "Little Tramp" role.
He also said he used to make nazi shells that worked but he fought for the americans during world war 2 in the team called the Hellfish with abe simpson
He didn't. He was put in charge of sending foreign aid to Europe, but pocketed it. If he was involved in the space program he was probably that lowest-bidder who built the Apollo I space capsule.
In Burns' mind, the difference between the WWII German "prisons" he was accustomed to, and the American minimum security "day spa" he was checked into.
Hahahahahaha the SS card dumbkopf part always gets me. Also, while channel surfing one day when I was 13 or so, I came across Tillies Punctured Romance thus began my brief infatuation with silent films began. The super grainy film with the piano playing and the speech cards looked pretty cool in my opinion.
I dont remember this episode must be one of the new ones after they changed writers where you're supposed to pretend nothings different like if suddenly one of your friends had swapped consciousness with another person and you're supposed to pretend it's still the same person.
To be fair, the police man really has to be a serious dummkopf when he can't tell the difference between an SS Card and an social security Card. Especially when half of the card is just the logo of the SS.
This reminds me of the police force lead by Wiggum makes all the blue jeans "disappear" (stealing from the crime scene) and everyone is wearing a pair. "Looking good, boys."
Gotta admit, by the standards of episodes I don't remember ever seeing (meaning season 11+), this is surprisingly not-unfunny, in that the jokes are clear, quick, and consistent to both character and continuity. Worthy of the good years. Which episode is this, BTW?
"That prison was like a prison to me. Not a prison of bricks and iron, but one of steel and cement," was legit hilarious. The SS bit and the bribe bit, not so much.
The SS bit is hilarious. what aren't you understanding? Old people have Social Security cards. Burns's SS card turns out to be from the SchutzStaffel. Do you understand what that is?
I just didn't find it that funny, especially not when billed as one of the best jokes. Other people in the comments were saying that they didn't like the entire clip at all, so I wanted to say that I laughed at half the clip at least, although I didn't find the main joke very funny.
To be fair, the main criticism of the new Simpsons episodes is not that there aren't some nice jokes in there. In fact, I would say there are some really funny moments in it. The main point is that they don't really work as episodes any more. The old Simpsons episodes had heart, were clever and the characters better written. The new ones are more like family guy: there are a few good laughs in there, but they are not great TV shows
It's not as good as the original stuff because of the pauses between each joke. Like "Here is the joke, and now your cue to laugh. And repeat." Like the bribe was funny, but they lingered on it too long. Instead they should have moved directly on after he said "empty". Not hold it up... then wait for him to take the money... then move on. That he was going to take the money was implied by him saying "empty" on a obviously full envelope. They should have just left it at that, but modern Simpsons lacks that elegance.
what season was this? also for those who don't know that movie ticket Tillie's Punctured Romance came out in (1914) so he has been carrying that stub for damn near a century depending on how old he's suppose to even be.
The guard had no problem taking the money from the bribe envelope right in front of the other guards, this meant they were all crooked and used to stealing money from inmates, and probably would share their spoils later.
