My 59-Year-Old Sister Just Told Me She Was Moving In With Me 

True.

Thank you!! I don't understand!

100%

Hardest people to say no to but definitely the truth

@@EricHansen-fr3cz Right, less the “I love you too much” girlie thing.

People who stack degrees (unless it’s absolutely required for the career they then excel in, like an anesthesiologist) are always of less than average IQ, desperately trying to feel intelligent. In the US, major industries like colleges/universities, schools, and healthcare are filled with these types. They are led by the incompetent... which is why we are seeing the absolute destruction of these institutions.

No common sense.

Just means they memorized well. lol.

It's L.A. The fakest bunch of people on earth.

But she has two Masters degrees you know. lol

I made that comment once regarding another video. If "no" doesn't work, try "hell, no!".

Or ‘a hell to the NO’.

She is earning 6 figures!

But why should she? Why does one sister get to live there but the other doesn’t? The mom left it to BOTH daughters!

Tell her you're in debt

@@georgewagner7787you’re broke

😂😂😂😂

Not really relevant here

What I suspect they never got to is that Mom (whose house it ALSO is) wants the sister to move in and has possibly already talked with her and given her permission.

​@@Run4Ever77probably.... But too bad, mom's old and the younger sister also has a say.

@@kbanghart what does "mom's old" have to do with anything? Thanks.

It means she can hardly take care of herself and the little sister is a caretaker so she is in charge of what's going on in the house so it doesn't matter what the mother says because she's not in her right mind at all she can't take care of herself.​@@Run4Ever77

@@Run4Ever77 I'm not sure what I meant at that time, but I'm guessing it has to do with moms more set in her ways and harder to move from the house.

NO CHRISTIANS HELP FAMILY !

​@@HOLDXSTEELyou got hurt by so called Christians too eh?

​@@HOLDXSTEEL Dave is a devout Christian and he has consistently said "you have no obligation"

@@TMPS93 good for him? He got lucky and hit it big and reprimands people who aren’t so lucky

I don't know what culture she's from, but in my culture, it's expected to be there for your immediate family and the rest of our relatives.

You guys are just bad siblings 😂

Haha! I so understand. I have three sisters, and we talk about living together when we are older. Then we laugh and start trying to figure out who would kill who first and how long it would take. Maximum ever given is one week. Sounds logical but know it's impossible.

I couldn't live with my sister too!! But I could live with one of my cousins.

@@tupelohoney622 you just hate your siblings you’re an ass

Hahaha love how you're all on the same page 😂

She didnt just move into the house if she took out a mortgage!

Maybe - but this caller at least took on best in her own name to help her mother, and provides care for her mother. The older daughter is an incompetent drug addict who’s looking to become her mother’s and sister’s dependent. She cannot even care for herself - does anyone really believe she wants to move in to help anyone else? Which still brings us to the point that the caller is part owner of the home... and if I were her, I’d be immediately letting mom know that she has a choice: pill-popping sister does not move in, or she moves in and I’ll get out of my portion of the home ownership. Which means mom and pill-popping sister will need to sell and move. Either way - if I’m the caller, there is absolutely no way I am allowing my sister to force me to pay for her.

Bingo!

That's a great point

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE!!

Maybe? It's a house in LA. Could be 7 figures easily and we don't know the mortgage balance.

Mortgage should be deducted paid off from proceeds (as it was used for mom’s care) and net proceeds of a home sale split 50/50 to the sisters.

Even with a court involved in the issue, they could claim she was living there X amount of time so that she is liable for the whole debt from her half of the sale

The value of the house that will eventually be split, is after whatever money they have to spend from the mortgage to look after the mother.

Mom is just using her as a channel to get herself care. It’s not really intended to be just hers. The will splits 50/50.

That depends. If the deed has rights of survivorship instead of tenants in common then the sister has zero rights to the house even if the mom dies. Also the mom can simply leave her out of the will. It's common practice to leave $100 and nothing else to grown children. This makes it extremely difficult to contest the will.

Without knowing the specifics of the estate there is no way to know this. Without knowing how title is held (or what the mother has done in her will) the older sister may have no rights whatsoever. If the mother is still of sound mind? These details need to be worked out now.

The older sister has no say. The home deed and mortgage are in the younger sisters name. And after taking a mortgage and paying the payments, no way is the older sister entitled to half the value of the house when their mom passes.

Bingo! And probably already talked with the mom about moving in and got permission, hence the "informed" part.

Her name is on the deed. She IS part owner of the house

Facts changed in middle of call.

This called sounded like she's been the doormat of the family.

Borrowed against to afford her mothers caretaker. Mom probably wants to stay in her home as long as possible.

Yup, if she hesitant to do it, she'll kick herself if she does it anyway, thinking "I KNEW I shouldn't have done this." Best to say no from the start.

It's really not the one daughter's decision - the mom owns 1/2 of that house and could allow the sister in regardless of what the other sister days.

@@cynthiaivers1708 The mother and daughter would both have to agree. The caller is half owner. An ill, elderly woman is not going to be able to afford to look after a 60 year old, unmotivated person. Why would the caller, a 54 year old that took out a mortgage have to look after another who sounds like she won’t be doing much.

@@jujube8067 I don't think so. If the mother is part owner, she can - unilaterally - allow the other daughter in. In fact, the mom can rent out the home, etc. If that happens, the part-owner daughter can file a partition with the court, but the mom doesn't need the other daughter's approval. That's one of the huge downsides of being joint owners of a property with someone who isn't your spouse, etc.

@@cynthiaivers1708 Wow!

The caller is a limp noodle so she’s going to railroaded here. But what she should do is explain to her mother (whom she never should have EVER co-owned a home with) that if the mother lets the sister in, the caller will immediately make the legal move to force the mother to sell, or buy out her portion. Then I’d be crystal clear that mom will then be dependent on pain-pill-popping loser sister. Mom has to make a choice - but the caller can make it clear that she is not accepting her older sister as a dependent. Man... this is idiotic. My husband and I and our small children sold our home and moved in with my father after my mother died... but we BOUGHT the home from him, we didn’t co-own it with him. I bet all three of these women are feminists 🤣

That's quite possible and explains why the 59 year old sister feels entitled to something she will inherit one day. The reality is though, the home has a mortgage on it, probably a reverse mortgage, and by the time mom passes, there may be no equity left. Therefore, nothing to inherit. I agree the caller needs to inform her sister on these facts.

My suspicion is that Mom is also in the deed, and considers it still to be her own house, even though ownership is now split. I also suspect that Mom already talked with the sister and gave her permission to move in, which is why the sister "informed" the caller rather than asking. It was Mom's house originally. I'm sure she still thinks of it as her own. Especially if she plans to leave it 50-50 to both daughters.

@@Run4Ever77 I think you are right. Which means that either mom is a fool, or favors the masters educated junkie. This caller took out a mortgage so mom could stay in the home. Stupid - she should have simply bought the home from her mother. But now if the mother and daughter each are on the deed - that’s a 50/50 ownership. So if mom makes in a 50/50 for her daughters... that means she will simply leave her ownership to the loser - as this caller already OWNS 50% with her own money. Mom could leave her 50% to both daughters evenly - which mean loser gets a 25% stake, and caller now gets a 75% stake. But this mother is likely never going to do that. Caller has to either bend over and take it for the rest of her life from her mother and loser sister... or force a sale of the house before pill-popping incompetent sister becomes her dependent.

@@Run4Ever77 Yeah, that's what I thinking too. That's why I wanted to know what the mom thought of all this. I had a feeling she just said yes, or sister knew she could con the mom into saying it's ok because "it's her house." If that's what happens, I'd pay off the mortgage as quickly as possible and move out. Leave them to take care of themselves.

Caller has taken on debt and partial ownership of the hone to help mom. Sister is a pill-popping incompetent. If this caller is savvy - there will be no fight. Mom chooses which sister will live with her and provided for her, but not both. If she chooses pill-popper... caller gives her sister and mother the opportunity to buy her out of the house... or she forces the sale of the house. There is no way caller should allow herself to be railroaded into being her sister’s keeper.

Not if this sister is irresponsible and looking to mooch off others.

It will be 25 to 75 when mom dies

She doesnt have a job!!!!

@@barbaraweiss6496 ok so say she gets a job, does she get to live in the house now?

Sister is an incompetent junkie. She can’t even take care of herself - do you actually think she’ll move in and “contribute to mom’s care and house bills”?

100% agree 👍

Yeah, the more the caller talked, the less I felt like I'm on "her side" in this situation. There's so much we don't know, including the possibility that the caller may have been in a rough spot or between jobs herself when she decided to move into her mom's house (thereby saving on her own housing expenses) and then later on the mom developed health issues. Just because the caller moved in first & took out a mortgage, according to Dave, the caller gets to decide if her older sister gets to stay there at all which may technically be true but the fact that the caller didn't mention some very key details about this situation until Dave dug it out of her tells me hearing the other sister's side of the story might make the caller seem less innocent than she tries to portray herself.

This whole thing is wraught with bad and hazy deals and arrangements and nonexistent boundaries and crazy expectations and zero communication. Way too many feelings and little thought of facts. Enmeshment galore. Bad for everyone involved. I keep far from most my toxic family and consider it a blessing at this point compared to having family relations like these. Heavenly peace is priceless, thank you very much. No drama baby

@@EdBball99 💯

Caller has taken on debt and co-ownership of the house so her mom can remain in it. That’s very different than an old, pill-addicted, incompetent sister who’s looking for a free ride.

Only if she pays rent.

Sister will refuse to sell.

No. Don't let dysfunctional people move in with you. You'll never get rid of them and they'll suck you dry.

Younger daughter is paying for mom’s care by paying a mortgage. Someone with two master’s degrees should be able to afford an apartment. This would be a nightmare, and younger sister would end up supporting mom plus older sister. That is not her obligation.

Exactly. So now they need to stick together to survive their own old age. And stay in the family home.

Well 'life' can be aggressive and nasty ...and unfair!

You can only do so much.

agree 100% both of them have issues.

@@janelleg597 She's paying for care for her mom.

We can’t all be perfect

Really? The minute you’re able to open a book, search in the internet, it becomes your responsibility to learn. My parents never talked about finances with us growing up, nor manage their own very well, but I somehow came out alright bc I’ve always been curious to do well financially.

Why was it necessary to crap on older people? Sanctimonious at best.

Yeah she definitely has some issues but didn't need to add the cat comment. I don't even think she could care for a cat.

You’ve got some nerve to push an investment product on this channel. Please move your promotion to your own channel.

​@@probablynot1368 It's not even a product. It's a scam.

But caller actually co-owns the home. Simple solution - if mom and pill-popping sister try to scare over caller, caller sells her portion of the house and leaves.

​@@katiejon17You can't sell a "portion".

@@pm2886 First, I never mentioned cats - so....? Second, basic deductive reasoning would indicate that I was referring to selling and getting the “portion” that I owned, back. Sorry you struggled with that one.

No, it's just a dysfunctional user type seeking justification for mooching off of a sibling.

She’s correcting him she’s on the deed

Dave is also not listening to her! She is trying to tell him there is more to the story and he won’t listen!

@@ebriggs3498 of course there's more to the story, it's just that the story is irrelevant

Dave apologized about saying how she owns the house and not just her mother

Well Dave was informing her that she was’t part owner of the home... and kept interrupting her when she was trying to correct this fact. Hence why he then apologized. I am always astounded at the low comprehension so many people struggle with.

It’s complicated because the mom might have said yes to the situation. Dave just wants to yell and scream at everyone bc it’s good content.

@@o0usf0o 😅😅😅 Yep!

Mom can only pass her share of the house. If caller owns 50% of the home, and mom passes her share to both sisters... then caller has 75% ownership and pill-popper has 25%. I’d be forcing the sale of the house before mom and pill-popper make me be my sister’s keeper.

@@katiejon17 I’m sure the other sister will get 100% of the mom’s share.

@@o0usf0o then that would mean mom uses the caller, and favors the pill-popping sister. I would DEFINITELY be forcing the sale of the house now, just to avoid mom trying to entrap me to pay for my sister.

Agreed something is off. Unless the money did go to medical expenses, could make sense. My parents relented and let me move in with addiction but I had to make progress work 9-5 outside the house, contribute, keep my job! By then though I was already on the recovery road and this doesn’t seem the case.

Caregivers aren't cheap, and where has the other sister been when mom needed help? Maybe she's just working on history here.

I couldn't have said it any better 👍. These sisters likely had a sibling rivalry growing up and this caller is looking for any reason to put her sister down in front of millions.

How you can call someone moving in to take care of their mother and getting money out of the house to pay for her care while she is working etc. "scummy" is beyond me. Yes, the house initially belonged to mom, and she sounds willing to honor the inheritance after mom passes with her sister. The issue is who lives in the house with mom NOW - the sister who is there to look out for and take care of mom or the sister who wants to leach off of mom? Currently her goal is to watch out for mom. That doesn't change the inheritance later, but it is her responsibility to protect mom's assets, use them for her care, and provide her an optimal living situation. After mom dies, the house can be sold and the money can be split. While mom is living the house has one goal - to support mom's care. In an ideal world, unemployed sister could move in and take over the paid caregiver role making it a win/win, keeping the value of the house intact and evening out the workload. It doesn't sound like addicted sister is a good option as a caregiver and will be a drain on mom's assets, not a contributor.

She spent the mortgage on mom

If the caller's name is on the mortgage and on the deed along with her mother, then yes she is part owner.

@@DoctorSmartyPants part owner yes. The other part belongs to the mother and is likely the reason she wants to move in. The only person who can stop her is the mother

​@@lolaadesina5362mom probably already gave the sister permission, hence why she "informed" the caller.

@@lolaadesina5362 “The only person who can stop her is the mother”. Not really - if I’m the caller, I’d force the sale of the home. If mom tries to screw me over, so that my older, incompetent, pill-popping sister can get a free ride... I’d do it.

My Dad lives with me and has for the last 12 years. I'm fine by that. It won't be but a few more years where he will live with me as long as I lived with him as a kid.

Once she moves in they will never get her out. Addictions are always first.

I agree. I would have liked to know why she's on pain medicine. Is she sick? Did she get injured at some point? She was making 6 figures and is losing her job, why? I would like to have heard more details.

She didn't say she can't afford to live there alone she only said she had to borrow money to pay for the mother's care

I'm a little taken aback from Dave's advice here. It seems cold hearted. The older sister is having problems with maybe a health or injury situation which involves pain and the need for pain meds. Life happens.

1000% All the comments seem to miss this. The sister wants the same set up as the caller.

@@nailatiylluf Will the one who wants the same setup be willing to be a caregiver to Mom too, or is she just looking for a place to live rent/mortgage free?

​@@CarlaQuattlebaumWe have no outside judgment on how well the current sister is providing for Mom, so the comparison is moot.

Bruh if you don't force women to get to the point, they'll talk circles for hours

He constantly does that.

@@fauxbro1983 She was trying to explain. He was gaslighting her, calling her a liar, and did not want to listen.

And, the caller danced around it because she wants to keep the sister out of a house that her Mom is still part owner.

@@fauxbro1983 This was not the best example of that. She literally said it was her house, but he spoke over her and didnt hear her.

The weight speaks to an overall undisciplined lifestyle that is unhealthy

It is a clear sign of consistent bad decision making, lack of personal responaibility and self control.

@@ElevatedAgendaI guess Dave is all those things you mentioned huh? Or maybe we should just criticize people for what they do to us rather than whatever we feel they do wrong. If a smoker wrongs me it’s stupid to bring up the fact that they’re a smoker as evidence for how they’re bad, even though it’s a bad decision.

As if all the commenters that are so perfect judging (Such a sweet Christian crowd) the sister that nobody knows anything about except from this caller that is trash talking her and is taking over Mom's house which is deeded to both...😂 Dave says screw your sister and the crowd roars!! 😂

@@Riggy931 Dave is not perfect. You can lose weight and I am cheering for you! I wish you the best and hope that you have a wonderful evening.

+1. This has been my observation as well.

I had a roommate for 30 years who went and did this she lost her Job here in the City but we have a very low rent and she could have got another instead she moved back home and does everything for her mom she has a full time Job and she also pays the utilities does the food shopping and the cooking and a lot of the Yard work

Yes, it's usually the other way around. The elderly parent moves in with their kid/s. You don't disrupt a whole family by moving them to Grandma's unsuitable house. You move Grandma to your house. Always.

My family is like that. My cousin who can't keep a job moved in with my grandma to take care of her. We were happy about it because it was cheaper than having to hire a caregiver.

@@weirdnomad8868 it’s cheaper now, but just wait til your cousin tries to get his/her name on the deed 😬 once they get used to living there for free it’s pretty hard to get them out.

We don't really know if this 59 year old sister is truly in pain from a condition and truly needs help.

Yes, the Dave completely missed this. The mother is a co-owner. Even if the caller tells her sister "no," the sister will simply guilt the mother into granting permission to move in. Co-owning property with someone besides your spouse is a stupid decision 100% of the time. Caller should sell the house and get her mother to move somewhere cheaper, and then find her own place.

Yeah but the other one will take half of the profit from the house sale even though the caller is paying the bills. The mom should sort it out

Exactly. This is her mother's house. She might have gotten a mortgage and added her name to the deed, but her sister is moving in.

@@jewelswinfield ,no. She was added to the deed by the mother, making it both of there’s house. I am stating that this older sister will not care when she is told “no” to moving in, and will do so anyway. Probably when the owner-sister is away for a weekend, or even just for an errand.

And that's when you let all of it go. Get a place somewhere else. Leave it all behind. Now who's going to pay.

@@MsJoyce31202yup. Leave

Crucial is what mom has to say about it. Probably Sis will move in and this lady will be kicked out of the house and still paying the mortgage.

How can enablers be comfortable giving their money away and having others live off of them?

Enablers can be sweet, but misguided. I was an enabler for many years as a kid. As a child I did what I thought was helpful, but it was actually very wrong. As I grew up I learned all I was doing was adding fuel to the fire and stepped back and while some people never learn the lesson, it doesn’t make them have bad intentions.

Believe Delony calls it the 3 F’s Fight, Flight, and Fawn

Well said!

@@CurieBohrbecause they see that situation as a better alternative to having their relative living on the street, begging for money and food, and/or getting arrested. In the enablers mind they see themselves providing some kind of protection just by providing a roof over their heads. Which, in turn, makes enablers feel like they are helping and being a good person.

Forever. It will take forever. You know this.

It’s not fair to YOU tho, it’s always nice to have a safety net but that’s her older sister who has a masters, she would be enabling her if she let her stay with her

Agreed. Family first, defintely before money/costs.

@@deekang6244 I dont mind. Can't live with the fact that I had spare room nd did not help her. That is how we operate. We pick eachother up.

She is addicted to pain pills, no job, no motivation. You want that around your kids? No that would not be fair to your kids.

She is paying for the care using the equity from her mothers home….

An elderly mother with two old, single maids for daughters... I’m getting the picture here. Pill-popping sister is 59... she thinks this issuer retirement plan.

In CA? The sister will have more rights to the home than the caller if she moves in. Squatters rights are horrible out there.

​@@nailatiyllufExactly. Let older sister tap her part of the equity and she'll be able to "contribute" as well.

What you’re missing is that the daughter took out the mortgage and is now paying it off.

@@deekang6244No, I didn’t miss that. The lady is single. She lives with her mother and says it’s because she takes care of her. However, she also took out a mortgage on the property to “ pay for the caregiver “. Uh, ok. Was this discussed with the other sister prior to doing that, was my question. Maybe the sister would have been willing to move in and be the other caregiver. Maybe they can stop spending money on another caregiver.

Glad I'm not the only one who LOLd when the caller said she was living in her mom's home.

The caller was obviously talking around that part and Dave gave her an easy pass. The caller clearly said that the house will be split between she and her sister.

If she's paying for it, it's hers!

The house is in her and her mom’s name. As clearly stated by the caller. So yes, it’s her house and not her sisters.

@@CurieBohr The mother who still has ownership has every right to allow her other daughter to live in the house.

@@JustinCase780 she does. Thats not what the caller asked about. She asked her sister.

I wonder if the 59 year old sister is going to be willing to take care of Mom, or does she just want a free place to stay? If Mom is ok with the older sister staying, is she ok with the younger sister moving out? Or will the 59 year old sister not be willing to take care of Mom or keep the place clean?

Caller will be supporting all three of them!!

Because the dribble and drips of the story like the caller mentioning my sister is saying she's moving into my home, then saying she's on the deed of HER MOTHER'S house and owns it, but still also saying that she is going to honor the house as one of her mother's assets after death makes you very quicky to support this woman, than have to just as quickly reconsider the circumstances.

Yes, I've had a couple people tell me they are entitled to live in the house that I alone own and paid for. People don't always follow social and ethical norms. They make up a false reality that suits their wants and needs.

Wow you're a mind reader. You don't know if the house is a shack or not.

It sounds like she's paying the mortgage and taking care of mom.

Lot of homes in LA in 500,000-600,000 pric3 range

All the comments seem to be missing this. The caller lives with her mom and her sister wants the same deal. The caller just got lucky because she’s technically on the deed because she borrowed money from the homes equity.

@@susanlovesjava4961 the sisters are both fighting over the Los Angeles home. So I bet it’s not a shack

That's how families work. It's not "leeching" when everyone is in it together. What a sad perspective you have.

I had to evict a family member out of my house. It was hell. They contested the eviction. They responded by suing me for 5k for changing the locks while they were still living in my house. It’s been 8 yrs that person has never been back to my house.

I wouldn't speak to a relative again if they squatted in my house and I had to evict them.

Next time, tell your mother to be generous with her OWN house and mover her in!!

I thought the same thing here that caller may be trying to manipulate the inheritance by being added onto the deed. The mother would have to have her full (half) of the home passed to the other daughter since the 1 daughter is now half owner on the deed. Caller could easily end up with 75% ownership of the home if that falls thru the cracks like that. That may be justified if she is the one taking care of the mother financially and handling all costs of the long term care but just her tone and words seems a little smug on this call. There is jealousy or resentment between the siblings to make the claims that she did calling her a slacker at her employment and life.... There are many layoffs happening from very good working people that has nothing to do with their job performances

Hot mess

Yes, in that case, it would be 75% for the caller and 25% to the sister. I get not wanting an annoying sibling to move in, but the stuff with the deed makes it sounds like the caller is trying to find ways to get her sister's inheritance

I like all of that. I'll have to remember that when a family member asks for money again. True, takers may think it's ok to keep asking if the giver doesn't set a limit. And that new mantra -- I'm sure the relative with "throw a duck fit" when they hear that.

You’re not a godly person

She will move in after Mom passes. Then the nightmare will start . She won’t agree to sell.

And, thinking should I get the pickles?

@@JustinCase780 Yes, let’s not forget the Pickles and triple toasted

@@RasimH1982 And, definitely throwing in a little bag of Lays chips.

@@JustinCase780 Oh yes, we don’t want to forget the cheddar flavored cattle cooked Chips

I wish we knew if this sister is truly in pain and has an actual condition. If she has an illness, she might need help from family. Dave and Ken didn't ask too much.

Why should she leave?

Housing economy is wrecked because of our economy and politicians (and rich people need a profit)

​@@HOLDXSTEELstop it! -Shaq. She is bad with her finances. Me and my wife bought a home in the Bay Area because instead of complaining we got motivated and made more money. Stop blaming others and get motivated.

@@fabbz94 economy sucks

Six figures in L.A. is no big deal.

@@HOLDXSTEEL it does suck. Make a plan and stick to it. You will be fine.