my childhood autistic traits that went unrecognized 

you are right, thank you for clarifying!

Yes! Definitely! I have many special interests and hyper fixations and and they do often rotate! I have so many things I'm passionate about but I've been in a burnout and have felt like I can't do anything at all. As an adult is when you realize it the most because life is so hard. Then you notice the sensory struggles, life stresses, cptsd, depression, and struggling with basic care needs between all of these things led me to burnout. When I was younger my special interests were playing outside when I was really young, and wrestling I knew everything about every wrestler, stats, intro, move sets, even personal info. Then when I got older I got into video games and anime and those became my new special interests. Now as an adult I still love video games, and makeup, color theory, fashion, and my shows and fictional ships. I also have a passion for art like painting, graphic design, making video edits, blogging, and writing. I am also passionate about music and singing. There's so many things I love to do and they often rotate. But lately I've been in a burnout so I haven't had motivation to do anything. 😢

@@tobytheshih-tzu6329 Sadly, I am 100% with you on the burnout situation. I'm currently struggling with even the most basic of self care tasks (it's been going on for years and is getting increasingly debilitating...particularly as I am now very underweight because I can't prepare meals for myself any more) and, like you, I don't have any energy or enthusiasm for my special interests.

@@letsrock1729 I'm so sorry you are going through burnout too, and lost the desire for your passions and interests. 😢 I understand so much how hard that is just basic care needs are so hard. My partner helps me out as well so I'm so thankful for that because I don't know how I would get through this. My partner cooks for me most of the time because like you I can't even do basic care tasks like cooking and taking care of myself. I'm trying to get back up, but it's hard. I understand completely, I've also been in a burnout for years. I've been trying to come out of it trying to start with taking care of my health and mental health, but it's one step at a time. I'll have days when I feel better, but then I go back to not being able to take care of myself again, it's so hard to come out of burnout. 😢

you're right! i should have clarified a little more. i pinned another comment about this. thank you for sharing and educating me as well!

@@beyondthespectrumpodcast No problem. I enjoyed your video!

This is why I think I have adhd. I've always had fixations, and usually a lot of them. I'd cycle through them and sometimes I'd outgrow a couple because I'd lose interest lol. Idk if I'm autistic though, but it wouldn't surprise me

thank you for the compliment about the video, i really appreciate it! it can be really hard being diagnosed late in life and i'm sorry you had to go through 18 years without that validation but i'm so happy that doctor was able to see it and said something. it sounds frustrating that that doctor said "obvious symptoms" as if everyone else should have noticed.

no way i totally understand why you would have thought that! i would have been very relieved to learn what it really meant!

@@beyondthespectrumpodcast I'm still a homebody 🙂

Hehehe! Reminds me of my first day at elementary school. It was snack time where we were all supposed to sit and eat first before recess. I understood that okay, but when it was time for recess the teacher said "ok you can all get up now if you're ready to go" and I thought they meant "go home." I just froze and panicked because I had no idea how to get myself home and all the other kids somehow knew what to do and they were all having fun running around the school yard. I just sat in my place until the teacher noticed and figured out to explain to me what recess was.

@@user-yv6xw7ns3o noo oh my gosh i would have panicked as well. i'm glad you had a good teacher who helped you out!

this means the world to me to hear. if either of you have any questions or video ideas to discuss please let me know. you are an amazing parent for researching for her and she is lucky to have you.

haha thank you so much!

The poem is beautiful and probably true, though-out time.. just replace the phone with a particular "item" popular for individuals.. Everybody masks. Neurotically just call it friendliness or something else a bit nonsensical for our minds. Masking becomes a problem when you have to understand it first and it is not just second nature.. or it limits you as a person to regulate like you find it happen for autistic minds. (getting shamed for behavier) For the poem it tries to connect and make room for things you usually do not have room for.. things behind the mask. And there is a lot to exchange for anyone. So I would kinda like to hear why you think it is bad.

@@bogaagames2706 thank you for saying all of this! i think i just said it was bad because it's been many years since i wrote it and sometimes i cringe looking back at my old creations but i really appreciate your take and you're right! i should give myself more credit!

@@bogaagames2706. La La k is my a ❤❤❤❤❤rw😅woooooo. ❤so i u❤❤❤❤❤❤e❤te❤tu tuHe 😊😊 😊😊❤😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😊artr😅❤😊 CC

@@beyondthespectrumpodcast It is still a good example since the struggle with masking is real for autistic individuals. Probably hard to imagine properly for non autistic. I would guess your mind went over it many times you might write a poem that resonates with a lot of people and convey your deep thoughts about the issues. Talking about it helps. I mean I never do.. I have no diagnose. I just life in my own world and thanks to people like you I got to understand myself better.

thank you so much!

me too!!! i find them all so interesting.

thank you, this means a lot!

this means so much, thank you for commenting. i wish you the best on your journey of getting your daughter diagnosed.

By the time I was in college I had blocked out almost my entire childhood, outside of the last couple of years. I had no memory of my childhood. I saw a psychiatrist in college--a very good one--and in the course of treatment most of my memories came back. Though I suppose my childhood wasn't THAT bad, it felt very traumatic to me, and I would occasionally experience complete shutdowns. I was also totally withdrawn as a kid, with lots of sensory issues. I think part of my loss of memory was due to the fact that I was in a better place and didn't want to remember the fear, isolation, withdrawal, and loneliness of childhood.

@@steveneardley7541 thank you so much for sharing that with us!! it's really interesting that most of your memories came back after helpful therapy, i haven't heard that before! it makes a lot of sense that your brain would forget memories to protect you and i'm so so happy that you're in a better place now. i wish you the best for the future.

oh my gosh that's insane how similar we were! i would do the exact same thing if i were in that softball situation to this day haha

yes!! super cool.

@@beyondthespectrumpodcast just go for it 😂👍🏻 my clothes are all so similar I’ve had a kid ask me why I always wear the same clothes anyway, so I might as well do it too haha

that's awesome i bet you have an amazing singing voice! i convinced many friends when i was younger to sing duets with me, so i know the feeling! singing car time is the best, lately i've been obsessed with the mean girls soundtrack. thanks for watching my video!

That sounds like a fun special interest

You’re not the only one. Some AFAB autistics talk so much about gendered presentations because of common shared experiences, whether due to how we’re socialized, the common belief that “girls can’t have autism”, biological factors, societal expectations for what is “problem behavior” in boys vs. girls, etc. But I’ve definitely seen trans autistics in particular advocate for moving away from that framework and focusing more on the way people present regardless of gender. It seems to be a good gateway into the community for late-diagnosed autistic women, and if someone feels understood by conceptualizing autism in that specific intersectional way I think it’s great, but also there’s room to grow and the science about different presentations of autism isn’t set in stone :)

yeah i've also wondered about that. i say it presents differently in people AFAB (mostly because its what i have come across and research and stuff) but this is an excellent point and definitely something i could think more about or make a video for.

​@@adelinereacts thank you for commenting this. i definitely don't know everything about autism and how it presents differently in people but i'm interested to think more about this now. your comment was a really helpful explanation for me!

@@adelinereacts Absolutely agree! I’m glad it’s happened, because it’s helped a lot of people. I just think that, in the long term, the idea of assigning different presentations to gender might be a little misguided, and may harm outliers. We can have both if we just called them stereotypical vs nonstereotypical presentations, for example. We can do better.

you are so right! thank you.

thank you so much for listening, this comment made my day wow!

i'm so sorry to hear that it makes you feel weird or odd. i think it's totally reasonable to look elsewhere especially when gathering thoughts! you aren't alone.

so true!! but i loved it.

thank you so much!!

thank you so much for commenting. it can be hard to think of autistic people with similar experiences but this is so nice to hear. i hope you are doing well.

it seems universal haha! thank you for commenting!

thank you!!

That all sounds so stressful for fitting in.... I'm sorry about the hassle for some damn jeans

yeah i agree with the other commenter, that sounds super stressful. it's awesome to hear someone else has the experience with cotton leggings though, i've never met anyone else who hated them so much!

wow it seems like this is more common than i anticipated! if only we could tell our younger selves back then what we know now.

wow that's so awful to hear. regardless of neurodiversity, teachers should never speak about students like that, especially because you were so young.

wow i'm so glad i could do that for you! it makes me happy you see yourself in me :) i wish you the best of luck in your journey of figuring it out

thanks for coming along :)

me too! i obsessively look for other stories that are similar to my own. you are not alone!

that's so mean i'm sorry! i never knew that, looking back i wonder if people saw my underwear... maybe the cotton leggings obsession is more common than i thought.

no way thank you so much!! i used to love shel silverstein as well.

no way that's awesome! i feel you.