This happened to me. My ex fiancés mom told me that her son was cheating. We cried together because she loved me and had grown to respect me since her son and I had dated since high school(17-22). I was so thankful to her and she continued to check on me after we broke up. Several years later I met my loving, perfect “for me” husband. We’ve been married now for 24 years, one daughter! Every time my husband and I see her around she hugs us both and is so happy for me. Her son’s marriage to the girl he was cheating on me with was horrible because he continued to cheat on her even after they got married! His mom saved me from a loveless horrible life with him! Her son was actually glad because he didn’t know how to break up with me because we had started planning our wedding! My ex was a coward and I’m so thankful to his mom!!
@@tj139 His mom has decency, morals and did the right thing. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you have to cosign their wrongness. The son even said he was glad, and just didn't how to break it off because of the pressure of the wedding planning. I'm glad there are ppl in the world with morals and integrity. His mom, is a woman first.
@@Price8903 the mother took the son’s accountability away from him bc she’s a woman first? No wonder he’s cheating on his current wife. Mommy will fix my next mistakes for me bc she’s a woman! She may think she’s being “moral” but she’s contributed to creating a monster.
@@Nah-ah The mother did not take accountability away. Nor did she create a monster. Clearly she doesn't agree with his actions. And he was going to be deceitful, regardless. As a woman, who was close to another woman she gave her honesty. Something her son would've never done because he doesn't value accountability or honesty. I'm glad the original commenter got the truth, no matter who the source was, and that she's in a much better space.
18, 19 is much too young to be engaged to be married soon. She left school and doesn't know what to do with her life, thinking marriage will give her direction. What happened to finish your studies first and then marry?
@@user-zm3ny8tw4xAt that she knows what is right or wrong. Don’t make excuses for her. After all she choose to get engaged with him didn’t she ? You don’t get to be indecisive with someone if you are supposed to love them.
@@eckhardt76 I'm not making excuses for her; in fact, I am appalled that girls are allowed and want to get married that young, as if life has nothing else to offer.
@user-zm3ny8tw4x the greatest generation was getting married and having kids at this age. You know, the ones who were married for 50, 60, 70 years.....
I'd definitely give her a deadline to either break up with fiance or tell him she's been cheating on him, and bear the consequences. Please don't let this poor guy get married to this train wreck.
Nope, this is short sighted. First, you tell the boy and his family. Then, they thank you for being a hero to their son and are very happy that you did. Awesome. You got your heart clear and the boy got what he should, the truth. Next, your daughter gets a phone call/visit from the guy and confronts her. "Your mom told me this, that, and the rest." Daughter is caught off guard, and most likely begins begging for forgiveness or just straight up leaves the guy. They probably do not have a productive conversation and it is overloaded with anger. After all of this happens, your daughter calls you, screams at you that you should have never done that and says that she hates you. She moves out, and leads a life that you never imagined she would. Yes this girl is an adult, but she is in her first year of college. I am not that far removed from that time, and believe me when I say that I was not an adult. I was going home regularly to my parents', doing terribly in school because of my own choices, and the whole time my parents could see it. But you know what they didn't do? Call my professors and say, "My son is skipping classes and cheating on all of his homework!! Fail him!!" Instead, they loved me enough to realize that I was still a kid although I had adult responsibility. They sat me down and let me know that no matter how much I wanted to quit school that to live in their house I had to at least finish a year of college with a 3.0. I did it. I hope and pray that this mom didn't ruin her relationship with her child over a 3 month in person, the rest long distance relationship. It's never worth that if you've got a good relationship with your blood.
The point is she has clock running you fess up with it by this date or I'm spilling the beans , and if there going to be as mad as a hornet about , I don't 2 shits because they know I didn't raise them that way and maybe someday they'll thank me for it , and if not they don't deserve my respect .
@@trent210 you just compare your dismal grades to allowing a penis that doesn't belong to your fiance to ram your vagina to the rhythm of infidelity???
My exact thought. I understand it's in a way bad to meddle but watching someone walking right into a disaster and not saying anything, not preventing it when you can, is worse. She says herself he is a great guy. He deserves to know, ESPECIALLY given that they are about to get married... Overall, I agree one should not meddle into other people's relationships but there are exceptions and I think this specific case is one of them. Just tell him.
"It's come to my attention you didn't do what you said you would and you didn't come clean to your fiance. That said, you have 48 hours. Tell him or I will. I was cheated on and it nearly ruined me, and I didn't raise no cheater. Do not cheat again or you will be moving out." That's how that convo would go in my house. Cheating on a fiance is unacceptable.
I agree. Your approach would at least make it very clear that messing around will not be tolerated. Dr John’s advice and gentle approach is just going to have daughter lying and going behind mom’s back to continue dating the new guy.
This is exactly how I would handle it. Passivity or reasoning is useless. Parents are supposed to guide their young adult children, especially into and thru hard places.
I’m a marine corps veteran and I will say, it is ALMOST always the spouse doing the cheating. Service members just want to be home with them and the spouse is usually just disgusting.
@@thomasciccone528 There is a very high divorce rate in the military. The Defense Dept makes huge efforts to cover up how high it is. It effects recruiting!!
Had an ex girlfriend's mom call me one day. She was sobbing, saying I was worthy to marry her daughter, but her daughter wasn't worthy to marry me, and wouldn't go into details. I drew my own conclusions, and pulled the eject handle. Sucked at the time, but very definitely a bullet dodged. Yes tell the guy, future him of a couple years down the road will thank you.
One of my exes uncles asked me why would I stay with him? I had NO clue what he was talking about! He saw my face and said it plainly, “ You are too good, beautiful, and smart for him! He’s my nephew and I love him but he’s an ahh! He’s with other women when your not here! He drinks like a fish and he’s a jerk! He needs help! He’s a different person when you’re not around! You don’t want this!” His UNCLE told me this! I GREATLY appreciate that man Still to this day! I remember his face, and his words! They were so impactful for me!
A violation of HER trust??? Who cares about her trust. She's cheating on this decent young man. He deserves to know. I hate how women get away with nonesense men would never get away with.
Wrong John. Tell him, full stop. It isn't even a hard decision. No negotiating, no deals. I would give my kid 2 days. "You tell him or I will." This kid needs to know it is wrong, and needs to see her parents treat it as such.
@@natalieskm at 18 years old, this “child” can send me, my sons, and my friends off to war through the voting booth. At 19 people can get jobs, own land, drive, and move freely as an adult. 200 years ago this “child” would’ve already had 2-3 kids by 19. I don’t think expecting fidelity out of a 19 year old is a tall ask given the rights they have at that age.
Please mom do not let your daughter marry the guy. You're gonna allow ruin in his life. Do the right thing by example and tell him your daughter is cheating. Otherwise you are nothing better than a enablealist and a accomplice.
Tell the guy! Save him from the misery. Let him at least have a future with honesty. It will suck for him to hear the truth but at least he can learn from it.
Yes please tell him. My former MIL kept crucial information from me about her son’s’ activities that would have kept me from marrying him if I’ve known.
100%! My daughter married the son of a long term, 22-25 year friend of mine. He had a history of very problematic behaviors including chronic lying, poor anger management, and cross dressing. If my “friend “ had shared any of that the marriage would not have happened. He cheated on my daughter in less than a YEAR of marriage, bought thousands of dollars worth of crap they could not afford, and more. She is a strong woman, but it completely changed the trajectory of her life not in a positive way. Nobody deserves to be blindsided.
If my child had a fiance that I respected I found out they were cheating on them, I would tell the fiance. I also wouldn't feel any sympathy toward my child crying about it either.
If this was happening to John’s son, he would want someone to tell his son what is going on. This young man is being played for a fool; if she ends up pregnant, he will happily think he is the father of someone else’s child.☹️
@@COINsimp2024 Do you know me? Do you know anything about my values? I’m a hardcore traditionalist. Not like these typical evangelist type conservatives or apathetic liberals. Cheating is an assault on your family in my book. I’ve cut ties with close relatives for less.
@@jazzymichael but the mom is doing the right thing here. I partly agree with that it seems like the mom is a single mother. I THINK not having a stable 2 parent household is extremely difficult considering single parents spends their time trying to date and introducing the kids to new partners instead that effort and time spent as a family.
Congrats to the caller mom - she raised and cheater and a liar of a daughter. The least the mom can do is save her daughter's fiance's future and tell him he is engaged to a whore.
The guy deserves to know. Would his response be the same if genders were reversed? I would lose absolute trust if my soon to be mother in law was hiding my soon to be wife's affairs.
This is a weird one for me because the mother in law inserting herself in this by telling him takes the heat off the daughter. The daughter should be the one taking responsibility for her own actions and telling the guy like an adult not her mother. Mom can't bail you out.
@@greenfly0917 I agree to a certain extent. Yes, the caller telling the soon to be son in law would be inserting herself into a situation that might not be her business... But on the other end, her knowing about this and never telling the guy means that she is passively participating in hiding a betrayal. That's is ABSOLUTELY something the guy will think about should he ever find out. Should it ever come out that his in-laws knew but said nothing, he definitely never going to trust them again, even if the marriage survives. There's a lot more at stake.
@@chukuemekaoje1015 That's not the advice that was given and that's not what the mom is saying here either. The mom is clearly trying to stop this before a wedding even happens. She isn't condoning or enabling. The blame and responsibility for where this relationship is should be placed on the daughter not her mother. Personally, I don't think a wedding is gonna happen here.
@@greenfly0917 I agree that the mother is doing what she can to stop it and that the blame is ultimately on the daughter... but I also believe that the guys is probably gonna place some blame on the mother if he finds out that she knew and didn't tell him. He might be very misguided in thinking so, but he (like many) would probably want to know, especially from people whom he's supposed to trust. While the caller telling the guy would be in effect "cleaning her daughter's mess", it has the silver lining of giving the guy the knowledge he needs to decide whether he should marry this woman (which he'll probably be very grateful for). Cause her daughter is absolutely not going to give her fiance the complete truth. Like JD said, the daughter is too in love with the idea of being married to the guy and if she has to tell her man she's cheating... there's a high chance he's leaving. Like I said in another response, the caller should absolutely give her daughter the chance to come clean (and cut off any support towards the wedding)... but should intervene for the sake of the guy.
The fiancé absolutely deserves to know. Chances are, he wouldn't choose her if he knew. I'm a military wife. So many women do this to their military men and it's devastating. This exact thing has happened to my husbands friends and it's so terrible. It really messes these guys up when they find out.
To be fair, military men don't pick carefully. They pick bc they dont want to be alone. No way in the world you marry someone after dating for a summer. Play stupid games, wins stupid prizes.
@@ineedhoez sure but each party is responsible for their decisions and actions. Being lonely and wanting/needing an anchor back home when you’re risking your life every day isn’t a bad thing and isn’t deserving of betrayal.
Absolutely true. At the same time you don’t want your daughter to become so upset with you that she becomes a much more reckless person and just hurts more more people down the road and refuses to interact with you because you went behind their back. That is a more destructive future She needs to take accountability for herself now. There could be a way to get him to find out without mom having to say it explicitly because we don’t want that bridge to be burned b/w mom and daughter, in the teenage daughter’s eyes
My husband told me that when he enlisted in the military, they told him to NOT get married until him & his (ex) wife got through two deployments. They didn’t even make it through one. He was 19 like them, he’s 31 now and wishes he would have listened to that advice.
So true. Reality is hard maam. These men go defend our freedoms in somewhere in middleeastern rat hole, the moment they leave, these women are on tinder looking for chad and tyrone.
Shes not cut out for it. If they get marries she's just going to cheat while he's away at training or deployments. Disgusting. And yeah, I'm judging harshly because this kind of behavior is gross, especially when it happens to service members.
What a terrible take. The mom needs to tell the fiancé because her immature daughter definitely has no plans on telling him. Stop with the coddling and tell your grown up adult daughter that she needs to tell her fiancé or she will forced too.
"Nah I don't want you to tell the young man so his life is ruined and he's locked in a marriage of infidelity from the get go" I agree the daughter should be the one to tell the truth, but I feel like this is just actively deceiving the fiance. If it was my child I would give them a deadline. Tell them in x amount of time or I will. Bc I will not let some young guys life be ruined bc of my child.
This is the best advice. I'm willing to bet that the daughter is not going to take the cutting off of support well and definitely won't listen to the caller's advice. 100% agree that the caller should give her daughter time to be responsible with the threat that she'll tell the guy herself... and then follow through when the daughter ultimately fails.
One minute in and she said military I knew it was over. I was enlisted myself in the Marines and can't count how many dear John's I've seen from other Marines spouses/gfs. I was blessed and single the whole time
The military should not be something ANYONE gets married into. It is chaos and pain and madness and bad pay and PTSD and I would absolutely tell people not to do so. That being said I understand the reason why so many marry young in the military is the pay goes up and housing and food is then covered to a much nicer extent. It's just bad that the number of people joining the military are lied to by recruiters and end up homeless and divorced after 4 years.
You played it smart. I live near 4 bases and see enlistees crying over their drinks all the time. If I was in the military, I would not have a bf or spouse until I was much older.
As a mother, I would tell my future son/daughter in law. They deserve to know. I would let my child know that if they didn’t do the right thing, I would. If the future in-law knows the truth and proceeds to marry, that’s on them.
As a human I would tell the person if I knew them or not. The way I would do it would just vary depending on the relationship. I can’t believe Dr John was basically saying to protect the loved one’s feelings over the victims.
@@murderofcrows7738 I think as A professional John doesn’t look at a right or wrong answer. He is being a mediator. A person looking in from the outside. Everyone has values and there’s nothing wrong with that. I do believe the decision on weather to tell or not to tell should not be emotional. At the end of the day I’m not saying it’s right or wrong but people cheat everyday. We can’t help everyone.
Tell her she has 48 hrs to tell him or move out. I would also say if she choose to move out she has a week to tell him. This is someone's beloved son. He deserves to know. The mother daughter relationship can be repaired.
Not if you boot your child out in 2 days over someone who isn't related to you, it won't. You will lose that bond forever. You'll always be the person who put them last. Doing it the way it was advised here achieves the same result without putting your own child, who is supposed to mean the most to you, last.
@@ChrisAndCatsngl if my kid was that immoral I wouldn’t want anything to do with them. If they want to break a bond because I did the moral thing then that is a bond meant to be broken
John I’m sure you would feel way different if this was happening to one of your children and the parents of the other person knew and could have said something.
i remember hearing a story about a young woman whose boyfriend had HIV. his whole family knew and no one told her when she came to the family picnics. of course, she contracted it from him, at 19 no less. just a heartbreaking situation all around.
I distanced myself from a friend of mine because her bestie was HIV positive and was very promiscuous even though she knew her status and refused to treat it. The friend with HIV had one time aggressively come on to a mutual male friend of all of ours when he was home on leave. Needless to say they slept together with no protection. Luckily the guy friend didn’t contract the virus, but my female friend knew what her bestie was doing and supported it. That flagrant disregard for the health and safety of others is sickening to me.
@@ineedhoez Idk if you are aware but you do know it’s illegal to disclose someone’s HIV status right ? Unfortunately no one could say anything. It was the friends responsibility to ask are you HIV positive or negative before having sex. 80% of ppl don’t do that but that’s our responsibility as adults to do that.
You’d think these guys would get it through their heads already. Don’t be trying to get married while you are being deployed all over the place. They acting like modern women are still going to play by the rules of those traditional roles.
Typical… on the simp Ramsey network they never hold the women accountable smh. John would of been all over if it was the man doing that. It’s soo frustrating to listen to.
Johns’s a super simppp white night, he doesn’t care how many guys the girl cheats on her husband with as long as she’s happy and feels respected etc blah blah blah!
The double standard is obvious to everyone listening, why do those at Ramsey not see the double standard? The frustrating part is that it’s not a one off, it’s every single time!!
@@David-wo9un I just want it to be equal. I get annoyed listening when they turn everything on the guy. Is that a Christian thing or something? All Ramsey personalities are such white knights
@@TheAck201 I would expect more of a therapist though. He can’t simultaneously tell men to be open with their feelings, but then also excuse anything that could be painful or traumatic for them. Men are supposed to work like dogs and be miserable servants to their wives and also be happy about it because marriage rocks!? I get the impression Deloney isn’t very happy himself, and enjoys the attention from the female callers a little too much.
@@murderofcrows7738 very well stated. Although I agree the guy is the provider, the wife/girlfriend should be taking care of the home and kids. Not cheating or being disrespectful to him.
If you're married to the soldier, then I agree it's terrible. If they're not married, they're basically abandoning each other when he joins the military. Unless they have a long talk about it beforehand. But she should have told him she was breaking up with him earlier... and shouldn't have said yes to the engagement. It's got to be tough to be a female and have to react and respond to guys' advances and proposals all the time. I've never experienced that.
@@erikrohr4396 Um. I’m a female. It’s pretty easy to refuse a proposal if you aren’t wanting to get married. This girl is just immature and wanted to have a fiancé by name but not by actual commitment.
My ex SIL did this multiple times to my brother (Airforce). It ripped him up. One time he found out about an affair while in Iraq and he was so messed up hearing about her cheating, that he wasn't fully focused on his job (MP bomb dog officer) and his troop drove over a buried bomb, tripped it, and my brother saw some of his soldiers be blown up. My ex SIL has blamed him non stop for "making her" cheat. WTH. Her last cheat got her pregnant, she took the kids and moved in with this old flame from HS. My brother was shattered. He ended up meeting another woman and they are now married, but my ex SIL BLAMES my new SIL for breaking up their marriage! 🤯🤯🤯 Some people are just not right in the head, have mommy/daddy issues that haven't been dealt with, or some severe personality disorder that they blame on everyone else. It's disgusting, infuriating, mind blowing. I know my brother isn't perfect but he is a good man and stuck by this person through all this pain she was causing and she STILL blames other people for HER choices!! It's taken me a while to come to grips with the anger I have towards her, wanting to be forgiving and loving...but I'm angry now. Pissed, actually. She still tries to cause pain by staying in sort of contact with a few of our family, in order to rub it in my brother and SIL's face. We see what she's doing now and it's done. She shattered our entire family, including hers. She is not trustworthy. I pray for their kids because they are all of age now and they've had to watch their mom make stupid decision after stupid decision and it DOES affect her kids. I think they only know about the last affair. The flesh side of me wants to clue them all in on allllll the other affairs....but that's not my place. I love and adore my brother and my new SIL. They are both amazing, loving, committed people. Both have gone through this kind of abuse. Oooooooof.
@@murderofcrows7738 I'll bet he's a good guy and she wouldn't mind being married to him, and probably didn't want to lose a good thing, but right - not prepared for that level of commitment to this person.
Totally disagree with John on this one. Yes, the mom should tell the fiance because bigger things could happen over the next 20 years and ruin the lives of unborn grandchildren, and will cause bigger trust issues for the young man that will follow him for the rest of his life and how he interacts with women. Better to cut bait now. And let the daughter come back to her mom when she matures. John acts like the daughter will just move out voluntarily, but I don't think so. I think she will just continue to lie and manipulate her mother.
It’s not her place to tell someone else’s story but to make her daughter tell him. Where is the accountability with the daughter if you’re gonna keep saving them and speaking for them?! She’s still living under mum’s roof, she’s behaving immaturely, she might as well do as she’s told!
I despise cheating. I would want some to tell me if my husband were cheating. I would give my child a clear deadline before telling the betrayed party.
I didn't date or marry while I was in the military. In the 80s and 90s, I watched when soldiers were overseas (I was 17 in basic) wedding rings came off (both sexes) and affairs happened all over. Wives (and some husbands) were clueless at home, and when we returned their were joyous reunions and no honesty except for two times I remember men losing their careers for adultery (one officer and one NCO). I escaped not pregnant (a lot of soldiers got pregnant out of wedlock and discharged) and not part of a cheating relationship.
@@rustyshackleford6637 you're probably not in the same place for very long. I can see how meeting someone or dating would be difficult. Or maybe you choose to not date?
@@justmejenny7986 That's a good question. I treat trucking differently than most. I own my truck, which to many would seem like the finish line. But to me, there are too many risks and uncertainties that can come up so I treat this like a temporary situation. Someone told me never let a temporary situation become permanent. I've had weeks where I made 9,000, and others where I spent 9,000. Other things can happen too... What if we go into a recession and I have to spend 5 days at a truck stop because there isn't a load that makes financial sense? That is what it was like during covid for about 3 months. The truck has a certain lifespan which you don't know, so you want to maximize the miles that you drive it. I have a lot of freedom to maximize the truck since I don't have any rent or bills anywhere, no competing interests and I live like a minimalist. When the truck is finally finished, I'll treat it like a buzzer going off. What do you have when the buzzer goes off? If you don't be very very careful with the money you make, you'll just be older restarting the same investment with a new truck. And I know too many young truckers (company drivers or owner-ops like me) who have trapped themselves by starting a family they never get to see, and they can't save any money cause they send it all home. When my buzzer goes off, I hope to have a few rental properties. Then, I'll consider myself stable enough to date or plan for a family. I could then go trucking for fun when I want to, or even finish my engineering degree. I'm only 28. Hope you enjoyed the info :)
@@rustyshackleford6637 my ex husband leased a truck years ago. It was definitely hard on our marriage. And you are correct about the money. Diesel was expensive then and he would have to comp some money to keep going and then pay day would come and there was hardly anything left. Glad you have a plan. Stay safe out there.
Marriage is not going to stop her cheating. She’s too immature to marry him and just likes the “idea” of being married/his wife. She needs to come clean and let that poor guy go so he can end up with someone who really loves him.
She should break up with the fiance. She's young, and it sounds like she needs someone there to love her in person. Long distance isn't for everyone, nor is making a life long commitment at 19.
I used to carpool with another guy to work. There was a woman at his home when I stopped by. At work, I saw a picture of this woman on another guy's desk. He told me she was his fiance. I instantly told him she was cheating on him with our coworker. No hand wringing. No debate. No nonsense.
I went through this exact thing. Except I was the fiancé. Her mother didn’t tell me. Fully let her come to her house and had the other guy over at the house. Did not feel great.
Anyone who tells you not to tell him is so off base it can’t even be justified! Every person being cheated on DESERVES to know! If you are covering up for a cheater, you’re just as bad as the cheater. Tell the man so he can go find someone that actually loves him!
I thought that would have been a logical question from a mental health professional. The absence of a father will definitely have an impact on relationship decisions.
@@David-wo9unJon is always biased to the caller for their approval of his advice. She admitted not being the best at transparency. It's no shock the daughter also has transparency issues. Even though the caller claimed she never cheated, transparency could be a factor.
@@JakeStewart1343The mother’s skill at transparency isn’t at fault here. You have an immature 19 year old who got engaged too quickly and isn’t even close to ready for that kind of commitment. Whether she had an active father in the picture or not will have no effect on the selfish behavior and decisions this girl is making.
19 years old, way too young to even think about getting married. she doesn’t even know who she is yet nor what she wants. i’d just let the other party know and tell them it’s best they split. haven’t been together but a year and some change and already unfaithful
As someone who once 19 and married at 20, she’s not too young to be committed. Dr. Deloney is right, whether she’s 19 or 39, she doesn’t really want to be with him :( I feel so bad for him and his family! And of course, mom having to see her daughter behave so badly!
I got married the first time at 19. Biggest mistake. I was way too young. Not making excuses for her behavior, I just wish more people would wait until 25 or so. You really know what you want more at that age.
@@nathanjustus6659 I agree with you 100%. She's lying to herself based on her experience of societal expectations. It also sounds like her mom has been pushing her to marry this guy. So she is torn between what she has been told she should be doing with her life and needs to figure out what she actually wants to do with her life.
I hate this response…Divorce is to expensive and time consuming. Mom do not listen to him you know what the right thing to do is.. If the shoe was on the other foot you would want someone to tell her…
If the caller would've said her son is cheating on his fiance, Dr. John would've responded differently and called him a scumbag... The mother modeled this behavior through poor life choices. Tell this young man now... he deserves to know, this early red-pill life lesson will save his life.
What a tough situation. Man. I completely relate to John's comment: "She doesn't want to be with him. She wants to be with the "idea" of him." That was me. In my 20's when I was dating my ex-husband. I never ever understood what it meant when I heard the concept of just loving the "idea" of someone, rather than truly loving someone. I never understood that until I was dating a guy in my early 40's who could never let me go but wouldn't fully commit. It was a very deceptive situation. It was hard for both of us. To this day, I don't blame him that we didn't work out. I truly believe I was supposed to go through that to understand more clearly what loving someone actually meant. That "idea" society has ingrained within all of us is a recipe for chaos. I wasn't blessed with children. But you better believe when my nieces are old enough, and when my friends' children are old enough, if I get to be a part of their lives while they are in that phase, I hope I can be a beacon to them and possibly help them understand the difference between truly loving and loving the "idea". It's one thing to say it and hear it, but to actually understand it and possibly realize their partner may also only love the "idea" as well could certainly turn an entire family dynamic completely around in the right direction and break a lot of negative family cycles and loops. Every parent , I am sure, wants to see all their kids marry into a ideal situation. As time goes on and the condition our country and world is in, that "ideal' just isn't going to be very possible unfortunately. As adults with younger eyes modeling after all of us, we all really have to stop saying things and then stopping there--expecting our children to understand and model what they hear. We need to be more intentional and not only communicate with words but follow up those words with our actions. I have been through a lot since my divorce was final in January 2000. If I could teach younger people anything at all, I would start with two concepts: 1. Expectations & 2. Acceptance. Both of those words could go on a tangent in a few directions! Lol but to keep it simple, we start with those two concepts and go from there. IF we want to save time and make things more simple, & receive the people and things we want more efficiently, this is key. In all matters of life. It's life-changing.
God Bless this woman for calling. I was living with a woman who was sleeping with her married boss. Her family and his family knew all about the affair. Not one person cared to tell me! The boss would give her sweetheart gifts like jewelry. My ex said her mom gave them to her - and the mom was fully onboard with the deception. Pretty soon her whole family was in on all the lies. A little truth would have saved me a whole lot of grief!
You have given your daughter a choice and now that choice is going to wreck another person’s life. If you respect the fiancé, tell him so he can move on with his life.
My now husband was hesitant to believe I would make it through a deployment, because he thought I only loved the idea of him, at first. But, I made it through, and it showed us both that it was right that we get married. When you really love someone, these tests make you stronger. When we get in little disagreements, or we annoy each other, I think about missing him, and how much it actually hurt. So I never take him for granted. If she loves him enough to marry him, this would not be going on. She needs to end this.
@@yogaqueen1527 I get he’s thinking to preserve the relationship from mom and daughter. I’d just say she could tell him, or I can. You have a week. Lol
As soon as I heard that she is 19 years I was done with this conversation. She can’t legally drink yet she is engaged and getting ready to get married. So many red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩.
@@a.b.2405 she didn’t say anything about driving, but if that’s a mistype and you meant ‘drink’ then most European and Caribbean countries allow 18 year olds to drink
@@Black_Samurai-fish nothing if you're mature. But the vast majority of people especially born in the west lack maturity from a young age because they've never had any responsibility outside of education
How to break up with honesty is a skill, never taught, that involves both the mind and the heart. That's a hard conversation that begins with "I...". Hard to break up with somebody "perfect" while the most travelled road when it comes to breaking up begins in "you did...you suck..."
Probably because dude is going into the military. If they're married, he gets more money I believe AND they get to be together/live together. At 19 it's not the best idea but this is my guess.
Exactly. Why are either set of parents taking this seriously? If he weren't going into the military, would he still have asked her to marry him? Most likely not. Is there even a wedding date? Or will be they "engaged" for the next 3-4 years? Sounds like teenagers being teenagers. Instead, why not say "of course you want to date other people, you're only 19 so break up and have fun."
If I’m in this situation my daughter would be telling him OR I’m telling him AND she’s getting out of my house. There’s some things you cannot stand for as a parent. No one should be treated like that.
You are a great mother. Tell him, do the right thing. And kick your trifling daughter out of the house. If she's grown up enough to be engaged and cheat on her fiance, she's grown up enough to live life on her own.
The daughter wont learn anything. What will happen is she will tell her bf that her mom is being so mean to her, and her bf will marry her asap to get her into housing and on tricare. If mom tells the bf the truth, he can at least make that decision with all of the information he needs, and they can either work it out, or break up. Thats the only thing that will teach the daughter about consequences for her actions.
Wow, I disagree with him. You can't let your kids get away with doing things that are wrong. She needs to give her a timeline to come clean with her fiance or she's telling him herself. If she puts moving out as a ultimatum she's going to rush into marrying him and get cheating whenever she's lonely or bored.
Imagine if it was the opposite and the guys parents were calling in saying they new the girl hes dating is cheating on him. Would you seriously tell them not to tell the son for the sake of their "daughter in law" trust? No. If you know your love one is fixing to run off a bridge you save them even if its from themselves. Do the right thing and tell the guy before they make things worse like she gets impregnated by the son or the guy shes cheating with.
The daughter needs to do the right thing and give the ring back to her fiance and end it. She'll do him a favor because age isn't marriage material. What was he thinking proposing to her at 19.
Keep it to yourself? Awful advice. She will marry him. She will cheat on him. God forbid they have a child. She gets to hurt them too. Be a decent person. Tell this poor man before she destroys his life.
My grandparents got married at 16. Stayed married until my grandpa died in 80's. My dad got married at 22. Stayed married until my mom died in her 60's. People get married now in their 30's and divorce in 5 years.
Yes tell him of course or make her tell , if he is a good person with family values and your daughter is showing different values by cheating that is not a good marriage situation
The main reason John advised her not to tell is because the daughter needs the secret to be her fault. If mom tells our daughter and daughter has scapegoat to blame and be angry at instead of being able to fully take responsibility.
I agree with and support John's assessment here, but at the end of the day if the daughter won't fess up, someone needs to tell the young man. Yes, best case situation she comes clean and then he moves on.
It's not a violation of trust for her to tell her daughter that she'll inform the fiance if her daughter doesn't. That's complete bs. As a person of integrity and the mother of the cheater, its her responsibility to insure that her daughter doesn't get married under false pretense. This would actually provide a good example of how someone should conduct themselves, if anything.
Dear Mom, 19 is too young to get married. You have been given a golden opportunity to stop this train wreck. Why are you hesitating? Give her more time and she will drag babies into this.
I'd tell him because this potential marriage is doomed and I wouldn't want my daughter to have a failed marriage and divorce and wouldn't want my grandkids to be in that environment...as John always says that kids absorb everything...and also, that guy deserves to know. The daughter put mom in a very difficult position when she chose to disclose to mom that she's cheating or didn't keep it private and the daughter shouldn't expect her mom to bear that and violate the trust of her future son...The daughter knows mom's values and shouldn't expect mom to go against those. Completely disagree with John on this.
Let the fiance be free and find a better and honest woman. Than a 19 year old daughter that is playing him for a different man. Give back the engagement ring, she can't just fill the void with a different guy in place, while the fiance is in the military.
I'd tell, even if my child stopped talking to me ever again. I couldn't do that to a future son/daughter-in-law. But it sounds like she's going to monkey branch and break up only after the fiance gets back or she secures the new relationship.
@open minded a fiancé is a little more intense than a boyfriend, though 🤔 I mean, treat others as you would like to be treated. I would want my MIL to have told me if my husband had been cheating during our engagement. I would certainly go to him for proof in that hypothetical scenario, but I would completely hate being around his side of the family if they knew it and sat back. I'd be an utter fool in their eyes. So, you do you and treat others as you would like to be treated, and I'll do my version of it :) Daughter is already treating people poorly, and confrontation, correction, and not enabling bad behavior is a part of having healthy relationships.
