When my husband of ten years left me (with a 5- and 9-year-old) for the younger woman he was hooking up with at work, I kept repeating this, "I will not put my kids between me and my hurt." I let that guide me. I stuck to it. I raised the bar by forgiving my ex and his girlfriend their humanity (who he is still with 4 1/2 years later). And they rose up to meet me. So now we all get along. People will ask me how I can be so gracious, and I say, "because I will not put my kids between me and my hurt." I want them to feel safe and loved and free to relax. They love his girlfriend. They think she is great. That means my now 9- and 14-year-old come home and tell me about all the fun they have with their dad and his girlfriend. And I smile and I tell them that's great and I sleep well knowing that I've done something right because they don't hesitate to share with me that part of their lives. Forgiving him and his girlfriend was the greatest gift I gave myself because I let go of the anger and resentment. Does it still hurt sometimes? Sure. But I can live with it knowing my kids are good and that gives me peace. And it gives me an ex who is willing to help me in ways that he wouldn't have otherwise, because he is rising up to meet my standard of kindness. It is so worth it to forgive. Not just for him, but yourself. You deserve that peace and so do your kids.
It`s very brave of you to show so much kindness but in general be careful not to let people walk all over you. It`s best not to hold grudges but you can be careful and have boundaries so people don`t cross them. I`ve learnt this through personal experience that showing too much kindness can often get you into trouble.
Going off birth control without telling your husband is one of the worst things a person can do. She destroyed her marriage because she wanted what she wanted. She never cared about him. Sad.
It is sneaky. And also, historically abnormal. 75+ years ago if you have sex with a spouse you will eventually make a baby unless there's reproductive issues.
Wow. It's so good that you stand firm on your highground. If you ever should make a mistake out of fear (she feared she couldn't have healthy babies later in live) - I doubt you would like to be treated by your own moral. Doesn't mean it was right - just human.
Dude probably wanted to leave and she thought having a baby would make him stay. She was wrong. Most people don’t fight demons they fight consequences of their own actions.
@@khanhcao3123 I’m not sure you know how much child support is. It’s very minimal in the total cost It takes to raise a child. And a lot of people aren’t even paying the child support that they’re supposed to.
@@khanhcao3123 well my ex-husband hasn’t seen our daughter in three years, so who else is gonna take care of her but me? Mothers don’t have the same luxury to walk away. Someone has to be the adult.
Ovsly she is blaming the man 😂😂 for first deciving her with a talk of having 3 kids then backing off like a f* king coward he is .. then walking aways from supposedly the love of his life mother of his 2 kids .. the more I think the more of a coward person he seems to be ..😂😂😂 .. he looks like a coward who think he's brave( delulu) ... 😂😂 Imagine the new woman wanting kids 😂😂
Lying about birth control is a serious offense. Even if that was the only lie she'd ever told him it would have still been serious enough of a betrayal to justify immediate divorce.
There's a whole story that happened before and in between the lying about birth control and the birth of the daughter we are not privy to here. Did he absolutely not want the second child? Did she insist on having her regardless of how he feels? Was there any discussion on what to do? Or was the option not even on the table because of religious reasons, and he felt trapped? How was the deceit discovered, did she come clean right away or did she make up a lie first about birth control failing? Were there preexisting problems she had hoped the pregnancy would solve? Given that they initially wanted multiple kids, I find it hard that he left solely based on this, it seems this on its own was fixable.
@verb0ze Tbh, lying about being on birth control false under the category of r*** by deceit so we shouldn't even be asking more questions cause we wouldn't ask those questions if it was the other way around.
I would do anything to hear the husbands story. She ruined her husbands trust. Trust is the most important thing. I get the vibe there is more to this.
You can almost smell the bs. You can more than tell she's leaving alot out as to why he just randomly left out of the blue . She's not being 100percent and wasting John's time
She didn't "end up getting off her birh control". She stopped taking it against his wishes and betrayed him. She made her own bed. And he did not "walk out on his family". He left a maniluplative narcissistic wife. He is still in his children's lives. Why would he ever stay with her? She has already shown she never respected him.
@@30-Year_Accountant it was wrong but he is a liar, they agreed on 2 kids not 1 and that he is starting a new family means money was never the issue he just wanted an excuse to bail
@@juniorlsdmusicyour response is narcissistic! Look in the mirror.people agree to thing and sometimes financially they can’t afford you don’t force someone to have a child against their will.
That was a major trust violation... On par with a man ignoring his wife's desire not to have a child at that moment and then he goes behind her back to swap or sabotage her birth control.
If you are having issues in your marriage, the last thing you need is to have another child or more children….no matter how older you’re getting. This would save so many ppl.
Agreed and I am utterly astounded that people still think that doing so is going to help anything. Always always makes things much harder and worse.!! Not to even mention completely unfair to the kids.
@@hillarybillary21Fertility experts state a woman has a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant per cycle once she’s in her 40’s. At age 45, the window almost entirely closes without serious medical intervention. In the United States, only about 100,000 women a year are able to successfully carry a pregnancy once forty. It’s definitely nowhere near “millions.” And technically thirties isn’t “young” to start having babies. Before 30, a woman has an 85% chance throughout the whole year of trying. At 30, her annual success drops to 75% (not bad) but it declines every year until 35. At 35, that per cycle rate drops to 15%, her annual likelihood 66%. After that, it declines rapidly. If you want to plan your family and have more than one kid, you actually *don’t* have a lot of time. (If you wait until you’re in your thirties atleast). Atleast, not as much as the modern age would have you think. Especially again, if you want more than one AND want to wait two to three years or more in between. And IVF isn’t a walk in the park either, so it’s not the easy button out of the fertility problem. So no, the lady wasn’t wrong to be concerned about wanting to have more children when the likelihood of fertility and the risk of miscarriage were more in her favor. She *was* wrong to intentionally deceive her husband. (Though, to a lesser extent, he may have been wrong to not consider her wishes more heavily as well.) Either way, that little girl is alive now, and children born under less than ideal circumstances are every bit as worthy as children who are born under good circumstances. No one carries the fault of their conception, and our parents actions never determine our value.
oooor everyone can take accountability for their own reproductive desires. BC fails all the time. If you know for sure you don't want kids, why would you rely solely on a pill that's far from being even 99% effective?
@pdxshadow9819 not fully in support of that as sometimes 2 people simply can't stay in a relationship but I do agree that intentionally failing to pay child support should be criminal.
@@TheHonorableKnight him leaving and destroying his family is like the USA dropping a nuke if a politician simply got robbed in Mexico. But in fact it’s not even as bad because another child YOUR child.
He probably couldn't trust her with anything ever again. You can't have a relationship without trust, not with your dentist, not with your car mechanic, not with your doctor, not with anybody, especially not a spouse. He probably never wanted to have sex with her again. And it's all her fault. She broke her own heart.
I gotta hand it to this caller for realizing she is being abusive towards her kids and wanting to do better!! It’s not the kids’ fault. I was left with 2 little ones after my husband admitted to cheating with over 30 women including my best friend. IT GETS BETTER and you can move on with your life. Reading the book “The Power of Now” was a huge turning point in my healing.
She is not abusive tho!..she was left to deal with 2 very young kids during Covid! All while the "father" clearly got to walk away from responsibilities...her frustration is regarding abandoment during such a vulnerable time raising little ones...her calling and feeling remorse tells me she loves then babies...why is no one holding the father accountable?
@@YouSoCute2000 Did you listen to her story? She lied and stopped taking her birth control so she can have the baby she wanted.... Not him! She's a liar and manipulator. He doesn't trust her. Now she's resenting the choice she made...
This is great advice. If you want to move on from an ex, please, PLEASE don’t stalk their Instagram, Facebook, etc. Don’t torture yourself. Even if you need to see them for the kids, block them on social media. Focus that energy on yourself and creating your new life.
@@user-zy9yg2eu5tI personally was willing to still stay friends with both my ex’s on social media but they either made new ones (and never re-added me) or straight up blocked me. I don’t wish either of them a bad life (and personally want them both to get the help they need)but you teach a point where you can’t help anymore and you can only focus on what’s ahead
If one truly DOES NOT want to have more kids take responsibilty! Do not leave that for someone else to take care off. What she dis was not right but as a man you should protect yourself also!
@@boo6799Yeah praise the selfish narcissistic woman deliberately missing birth control to have another baby against her husband’s will and he’s expected to just suck it up. Well done 🙄 By the way, Word to the Wise: I have a feeling that if a woman does not get the conscious agreement of the earthly father before willingly and deliberately getting herself up the duff (I’m not talking about true accidents here) she’s not going to have the agreement of the Heavenly Father. She is fully and spiritually responsible for the whole situation, including any karma that arises as a result of the effect on the child. Well done…
Something I’m dying to know, what exactly did she think would be the outcome of this stunt she pulled? “Hey I lied and manipulated you so I could get what I want even though you said you weren’t comfortable with it, surprise!”
I think she basically wanted to keep this to herself but her husband found out and he basically knew his marriage was over because he didn't want to have a second child. Not to mention the fact that I think she was hoping that they would move past it and hopefully grow from this. But he couldn't. And I guarantee you there's a major part of me that feels like he's got some major hate towards the little girl for just being born because she is the living reminder of her mother's lie. And I guarantee you the moment he and his new wife have a child together especially that child's a girl he's going to pull away from the four-year-old real quick
@@BIGEAGLEDUDEwhat I don't get is a parent leaving a marriage bc they didn't want a second child but then making a third baby. No idea if the dad will do that.
Totally understand him leaving. If she can lie about birth control she can lie about anything. Forcing someone to become a parent is so evil . Shame on her.
Ahh yess... The female Cardinal sin.. having a womb and it being beholden to man's needs and whims. If her ex has children with the new wife he's a fucking liar.
Why on earth do people STILL think having a kid or having more kids is going to “save” an already broken relationship??🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ Doing so always makes things much worse.. have we not already learned this from others? 🙄🥴
@@ahappilydrunkpuppy8961 I wouldn’t say it “works” as it just makes the relationship more toxic overall. Not to mention so unfair to the kids. Nearly all of the couples I know of who did that ended up even worse off in their marriage and eventually divorced.
Well, she called to address her own treatment of the children. The children should not be put in that situation. Also, I get that what she did was wrong to her husband, but not everyone is always saddled with the consequences of their action, and also, it must be ok for people to admit mistakes and get help and support even after. All these comments sound extremely judgemental...
@@lithopheliax61x5 Admitting to mistakes is a great first step, but it doesn't absolve you of your actions. She's STILL mistreating her children; and Delony is (disgustingly) encouraging her to engage in parental alienation of her ex, which is yet ANOTHER form of child abuse).
It’s okay to be frustrated for a while. When you cause someone to lose trust in you, just move on as they did. It’s a conscious decision just like the one she made that caused her circumstances.
No American criminal or family court would ever hold a woman accountable for this. She is free to get paid by child support for the next 18 years from this man that she tricked@joneil0022
These stories make me think. When people have children, they really need to truly know if they have the emotional and mental capability to raise and love their children unconditionally regardless of what their relationship status is with the father or mother of their children.
Thats why dim childfree... its a big decision and stories like this keep me childfree. My husband told me hed leave me if i got pregnant, or id have to get an abortion. Id rather not get pregnant lol
@@jesus1stsatan2ndWhy does he not get a vasectomy then if he doesn't want children and even would expect an abortion from you? As someone who doesn't want children myself, I still think this is horrendous to put it this way. As a guy it is so easy to get sterilized and it's rather cheap so I think he's in charge of ensuring you won't get pregnant in this scenario.
I wish this woman the best. She made a mistake but she is holding herself accountable and is reaching out for help. You can do it. You can be happy and whole. Great job Dr. John.
I did not hear were she held herself accountable for betraying/deceiving her ex-husband to get her way. Caller was upset that there are actual consequences to her deception/betrayal. She tries to use being a mother of two as justification for her betrayal. Guarantee you she never thought it would trigger divorce leaving her a single divorced mother, which probably has lowered children's economic status for years to come. Sometimes child support is cheaper for father than keeping family intact. When older child matures there will probably be questions & resentment, he was forced into a life of struggle due to his mother's betrayal.
Accountable? no she did not do that. Did you watch the same video? She did not hold herself accountable for baby trapping, and John did not do his job and did not call her out for the same. Cowards both of them.
Baby trapping is one of the most cruel things you can do to anyone. She caused this and the fact the ex still wants to be in both of his children's lives says a lot about the man he is. She didn't deserve him.
What are you going to do just walk out on your children lives and leave them fatherless? I can understand being angry and hurt about your wife but never leave your children behind no matter what.
I'd agree if they were not married, but the man was married to her...babies come with marriage. That's just how it is. Was it wrong for her to lie, absolutely. She should have never done that, but his reaction was equally bad. those babies are his and he is responsible for them. Why is it ok for men to leave but not for mothers to leave???
@@LizzyTwifehomemakerBabies come with marriage if both the husband and wife agree to the baby. We have birth control, vasectomies and abortion to ensure as such.
I can't believe some of y'all are justifying her actions as if this is a part of being married. No, she lied and changed his life forever without consulting him...After they both decided to wait. The fact that he has no resentment towards the child is a wonderful thing bc he could have felt like she wasn't of his consent and his feelings would have been valid -albeit hurtful. The caller deserves what she planned for. I am happy the husband got away and found love with someone who hopefully is a better person.
Fun fact if the roles were reversed and he did the same thing to get her pregnant he could be in prison for it. Absolutely wild and she is a terrible person
I heard it’s really hardly ever about the finances. It’s usually about something deeper that people don’t want to admit to so they cover it up and say it’s about finances.
💯 this! 👏 And five years after marriage to have the first one too. He didn’t want to be there, he just didn’t know how to get out. Classic signs of her having been abusive the whole time.
It was A MAJOR RED FLAG THAT HE DATED HER FOR 5 YEARS BEFORE MARRYING HER! A MAN KNOWS VERY QUICKLY IF A WOMAN IS THE ONE! IF HE WAITED FOR 5 YEARS IT SOUNDS LIKE HE SETTLED BECAUSE HE COULDN'T FIND SOMEONE BETTER!
My first husband left me for his AP while I was 6 months pregnant and our 18mo old. Divorce decree stated he would have to have joint custody. Believe me I didn't want to have my babies share visitation with my ex. One of the hardest things I had to do was to get to know his AP because she was going to be caring for my baby girls during his visitation. Both of my daughters were under 2yo, my youngest was still an infant. I hated going anywhere near my ex and his AP/gf. I hated letting my children go. But I did it. I eventually befriended her. Surprise her personality was very similar to mine. We developed a good rapport. She even called me when my ex was too drunk to handle visitation in a healthy manner so I could pick him up. I did what I needed to do for my children. I kept my resentments to myself. 39 years later, my girls appreciate the sacrifices I made for them.
And exposing them to an enabled alcoholic is considered mature and healthy, in what reality are you living in. I won't be exposing my daughter to this gives her an example of how to enable men to be. If his to incapable to be caring for the children they should not be going with anyone else. I certainly wouldn't have this.
I think that it is disgraceful that courts allow young babies and toddlers to be taken away from their mothers. It is dangerous too, fathers aren't equipped to deal with them well on their own at that age. It is putting the children at risk and at the mercy of whatever woman they are involved with at the time. A woman who is going to want her own children and to conserve and accrue all of the resources for their own children.
The caller needs to take accountability. She blamed her husband for everything when she absolutely contributed to a lot of this. "We don't have a family because Daddy left," is a total lie. Divorce is complicated and way above a child's head. Don't drag them into that mess. The sooner she takes accountability, the sooner she can move on and find someone awesome for herself.
From what it sounds like... she's being harmful and verbally abusive to her kids because she kinda sorta drove her hubby away. He told her he didnt want another child and then she stopped taking birth control despite his request. Baby trapping it a real thing... and imagine your spouse baby trapping you especially in a marriage that is already unstable. Smh she deserves the issues she created but her kids dont deserve to be treated like dirt because shes upset.
Nah the man is scumbag. You wife wanted another kid and pulled a fast one on you. So what, man up and provide for the family that's what you signed up for.
@@Trackpad12 typical response. She betrays his trust in a huge way and he should just suck it up huh. Ok 👍🏾. Just “man up” is the reason why a lot of people in this world never face consequences for anything. Spineless…
If she wanted the kids so damn much, why is she resentful of the kids and treating the kids badly because their father moved on? Also, my wonderful husband brought up an excellent point. If she's yelling at the kids, you know for a fact she was yelling at him and thats probably the real reason he didn't want to have another kid with her. When men say they want 2 or three kids, they mean they want 2 or 3 kids. If they change their mind, it means they dont want 2 or 3 kids with you.
I was in much the same position and used to tell my kids to give me a minute, I am not feeling so good and need a short break. They respected that and I was so happy when my now-adult son recently told me the same instead of acting out. Once he had calmed down, he shared his concerns with me and I felt honoured to enjoy his trust. I also took them out separately for a treat about once a month and that was a good time for us to bond and talk.
Living well to express revenge is a form of enormous emotional weakness and inability to actually move on. Why not live well just because it’s the right thing to do?
His marriage won't work. He sounds very selfish and not emotionally supportive of his children. You never walk away even for a short period of time. Disgusting! She needs therapy.
@@jenmon8459she's a self admitted liar who did one of the most egregious acts of deceit you could do to someone, and somehow you found fault in the husband? Seek help. That's why I always say they can't get prego thru their stomachs. Be safe out here fellas, there are demons everywhere.
Literally I am just starting this situation right now. We are separated, but my soon to be ex husband is already getting engaged and starting a family with another woman. Even though we are separated, the feeling of betrayal is huge. For context, he left our marriage, not me. Edit: after actually listening to this my situation is not like hers. I didn’t pull a stunt like that. Goodness.
@@monicamiller9345 your comment says you're separated. But if you're not legally separated then yes he cheating and im so sorry for you. You didn't deserve that
@@blackbutterfly233ifyyes we are separated, but we haven’t signed the paperwork yet. Thank you for your empathy. It is hard. I am now a single mom and my heart feels broken. I’m looking forward to healing.
Any betrayal immediately changes a relationship. The default of believing the partner disappears and ANY behaviour is looked on with the eyes of suspicion.
I agree that having a baby over the objections of one's spouse is wrong. But, since the man married and had children with the new woman, I think it's possible that the woman's marriage was in trouble from the start. It's also possible that the man was having an affair with the new woman all along.
Like Dr D said the birth control thing wasn’t the beginning of their issues they’d definitely had problems dating back before this happened. If the husband moved on quickly after they split then it’s possible he wasn’t ready to have another child with her more so than opposed to another child period. But what she did is definitely wrong and one does wonder what truly motivated it. The same thing happened to one of my better friends
Approaching 30 is older? I'm a 37 year old still trying to get my life together before having kids. If it so happens that I can't afford a home and pay off all my debts before my biological clock expires, then so be it. No kid is better than not giving them a stable loving home.
I hope you get your life in order. Life gets very lonely for people without a family in your mid forties and beyond. 37 is old enough that one should know where they need to go on their path for meaning. Best of luck.
I wonder if he mentioned that he wanted to leave prior to her getting pregnant. I know a woman who tried to get pregnant when her marriage was in jeopardy. I know that she became pregnant in an attempt to save the marriage.
I mean my question is the moment he moved out and the moment covid happened how soon after the he date his now wife and how soon after did he get back into his kids lives because if he only got back into his kids lives after covid which probably was a year-and-a-half to two years you got wonder how much resentment does he have for his ex wife still. Because of the part of me that is trying to figure out like okay how long before he starts having do-over babies with his new wife because that's what's about to happen and the sad thing about it is nobody wants to hear it. The moment he has do-over babies with his new wife is the moment those kids that he has with the ex-wife are going to be in the rearview mirror... Especially with the four-year-old
@@blueseptember2174. If you have a spouse who is on birth control and that’s what you agree to as a couple for contraception, why would he wear a condom? You should be able to fully trust your spouse.
@@Maddy_B you know we did both not becasue he didn't trust me but because birth control fails all the time and two is better than one and it showed we both made an effort. It wasn't just one sided or put all on the woman.
What a brave women to share the truth and confront the truth as every single one of us have sinned and yes, it is important that she understands what she did was wrong, but I believe she does know this and now is just beating herself up. I am so glad she wants to change and is looking for help to be a better mother and better women. Thank you Marie for sharing your story.
@@TheMainMan364 You are correct in that manipulating is not brave, what is brave is that she is willing to look at herself and her errors and repent/change and accept the consequences of her wrong doing. Many people never even look at themselves and decide they need to change their ways. I appreciate that this women was addressing her wrong doing as that is a step towards becoming a better person and I see that as brave. Of course that doesn't take away the consequences of her actions which she will need to accept.
@@kcstorytime4898if a husband poked holes in his method of contraception and got her pregnant against her will, and then somehow forced her to carry the baby to term, you wouldn't be so understanding. Please be honest about that, you'd want him branded a criminal.
I’m also curious what his response would be. I just feel it would be the complete opposite of this call and more like the calls where he gets upset saying the person needs to be reported as it’s a form of abuse.
I have a colleague who despises her husband and baby trapped him. She wonders why her husband shut down and doesn’t trust her. This caller destroyed her marriage
She tried to play him and played her self. If a man sabotaged her or his birth control it would be considered a assault. Amazing this women created her own mess and can do nothing but cry to try to get sympathy instead of taking responsibility. Notice the way he "walked away". If she filed they'd say she "left". Say it with me ladies accountability.
Did she not just admit to a crime? If a man lied about putting a condom on he’d be arrested for rape. I can’t believe how casual they glossed over that!
I was just thinking the same thing. The man stated he didn't want children because of finances. Yet she went on to trap him cause thats what it essentially is and now she didn't ponder the idea of him starting his own family and moving on. She thought he would change his mind.
@@FaithandNova I'm 41 I've never seen a woman take accountability. I work in healthcare I've been around women my whole life never have I seen a woman take accountability once. When I doubt they will start to cry. Potentially masculine lesbians will take accountability but never straight women never ever.
You broke his trust. Yeah I bet there were other issues, but breaking trust was the straw big enough to break the back of their marriage. Some people can trust again after something so big like that, others will lose that trust forever. I can’t blame someone who wants out after that because without trust, there is no solid marriage
Oh please--birth control has so many side effects-why should she have to take it--If a husband has relations, there is always potential for a baby. So if you cannot afford a baby, don’t have relations.
@@chrisgrace81 Oh please… did she say in this call that she was stopped because of side effects? Birth control is usually discussed together in a functional marriage, trying to get pregnant is usually talked about. The issue here is that she unilaterally made a decision to stop birth control. This isn’t about sex. Are you dense?
So she divorced him cause she thought she would find someone better (feminism braisnwashing) but instead she can’t find anyone who wants her and her ex has moved in magnificiently
So she betrayed her husband’s trust horribly, he leaves and she blames her consequences on the children? He’s helping with the kids, and she claims that she’s doing it all by herself. Horrid woman
Yes, and that punishment is the ex-husband's consequence as well, it makes him 100% responsible for the children he didn't have the want and ability to care for.
Jail time is an impact to the ex-husband too. That would put the children 100% on him after he let it be known that he wasn't capable of being responsible for them at the appropriate time. Does the husband actually want this, no matter the anger?
Also he took a vow, for better or worse, well sounds like her little plan was her at one of the worse, him neglecting those children was that not his worse? He should have reconciled with his wife instead of remarrying.
@@SarahConnor562 I’m glad u brought that up, her getting pregnant is as natural as rain, as natural as him having that physical relationship with her, none of those are a crime, murder is a crime, did she kill someone? That’s ridiculous to think that when a person said a vow, it’s to cover for a criminal.
@@SarahConnor562 yes crime is the limit, or if a spouse doesn’t want anything to do with their spouse, then obviously that person isn’t obligated to chase after them if the other doesn’t want to work on the marriage. What does worse mean to u then? We are not talking abt capital offenses obviously, or let’s say the husband is a child molester, obviously no one is saying to stick by that, no, u turn the person over to the police, other than that they both took that vow better or worse, what do u think worse mean?
He is giving great advice. Many need to learn grom this. Holding resentment and anger over something that is no longer your responsibility does more damage to yourself and others around you.
Im so glad this guy got out of the abusive relationship and is re married and i dont understand why she is sad she got what she wanted.....more kids she should be happy.....oh wait thats right if ur not happy b4 kids ur not going to be happy after
Wait wait wait, you lied to your husband about being on birth control, let him *you know what* in you then continued to hide the evidence of taking pregnancy tests for god knows how long & John has the audacity to say "mommy just got her heart broken"?! No, she broke her own heart and she knew exactly what she was doing the entire time. I don't see at all how this is even close to being the mans fault in this situation. Imagine if a guy married a women that didn't want kids and he told her that he had a vasectomy(yes I know it's not 100% effective but for sake of argument) but lied about it and got her pregnant. He would most likely be charged with rape or assault, lose said kid(if she decided to have it) and financially support them for the next 18 or more years. It's insane to me that what she did to him has absolutely no consequences other than him leaving. Take accountability lady and realize you made a massive mistake. Just because you turn 30 doesn't mean their is some mechanism in your body that shuts off you from having kids. Can it be more problematic? yes but it doesn't mean you can't have them. I know plenty of women who've had multiple kids in the mid to late 30's, 2 of which just gave birth to their 2nd & 3rd kids this year. It's annoying to continue to hear John always put some kind of blame on the man in situations that don't deserve it.
This guy does have some blame to own for his communication issues but yes majority is on her. Also, John is right when he says “mommy had her heart broken” even if she was at fault her heart was broken and a child can understand that. An 8 year old doesn’t understand and really doesn’t need to know all the details of why!
@@flashthecorgi2053 What "Communication issues"? He communicated clearly and effectively that he was not ready to have another child. The communication didn't break down on his end. She chose to deceive him, after he communicated his wants and needs to her very clearly.
I agree with John! There were things going on BEFORE she went off the birth control! I understand the trust issue, but NEITHER of them really communicated themselves properly! Instead of getting therapy or counseling to work through the issues he leaves, only to start another family?!
I like how the husband is still to blamed 😂 wtf. Even guy even judged him for “you’re not a man for leaving” Like the wife essentially had a one sided decision on having a baby. This is insane.
Denying your spouse autonomy is quite chilling, and I suspect untreated mental illness lead to her decieving him and trying to force him to play the role she decided for him, with no regard for his wishes. If a man treated a woman that way, he would be called a controlling abuser, maybe even a narcissist. And we would tell her to get away. It is no less terrible when a woman does it as women shoot and kill husbands they can't control also.
👀🙊…there is NO WAY IN HELL this Woman should burden her children with her broken heart because of their Daddy. Then he had the audacity to talk about impact to the nervous system….THAT WILL DO IT! **I nearly fell over when I heard this**
Yes I don’t get this advice. They need family counseling and she needs separate counseling to talk about the issues with dad. She should NOT tell a child the dad broke her heart. 🧐
It's the Ramsey cult personality. Man bad Woman victim complex. Women are told it's normal and it's the body telling something. Men are told it's time to introspect and be held accountable.
It’s a massive betrayal to marry someone and promise them, make plans with them and then change your mind. People change, but saying oh yeah let’s have 3 kids and then being like nah let’s not have any or let’s only have one. That’s devastating. What she did was very wrong and she’s living with those consequences but he’s not blameless. I think part of her resentment is that she felt betrayed before hand. I was married to my ex and we were in agreement before marriage about how many kids we wanted then he eventually changed his mind and even had a vasectomy even though I begged him not to, I literally was on my hands and knees crying for him to just wait a little while. He did it anyway. And I took care of him while he healed and tried to make peace with the idea and he treated me like garbage for years and I stayed because that was the right thing. Until I found out he cheated. Then I was out. Now I have a beautiful daughter that I love. It all worked out but it’s a very complicated issue. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t have any more kids, I left because he was a liar, a bully, an adulterer and all around awful husband.
Honestly I feel this is akin to "stealthing". Also, this woman hasnt even taken full accountability of how she lied and deceived to create a child that she wanted. And John is going waaaaay too.soft on her
Are you kidding? She was married and they had sex. He’s not a child. He knows what happens when two adults have sex. Furthermore-her biological clock is short, this was her last and only chance.
Don't worry about Dr. Deloney going soft on Caller (you are 100% correct on that). Caller will have her "day of reckoning" when her oldest son starts asking questions about circumstances surrounding this divorce. This will happen sometime in his teenage years, about the time he becomes interested in girls. When caller explains to son that she deceived ex-husband/his father to get 2nd child, son will resent caller, and possibly 2nd child, for the struggles he has endured, but were totally preventable. Children are not oblivious to moving down economically. Son will have MASSIVE resentment; this will effect his perception of all women for the rest of his life, he will always be suspicious no matter how much he might love someone. If it happened to Dad, it can happen to me.
I agree with you, it is like stealthing. The feeling of having the birth control removed without your consent is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v it wasn't a matter of an accident happening. It was a matter if her INTENTIONALLY DECEIVING HIM ON A MAJOR LIFE DECISION. Whether they're married or not doesn't give her the right to do so!
@@jeromehenry4484I'm sure his father will tell him when it's an appropriate time. This isn't a detail you leave out to a kid about their parent since it shows how morally deprived they can be.
She deserves to feel shame. You get what you get. You forced someone into another child. You destroyed your marriage. I would absolutely see that as grounds for divorce
Another great question is what should the ex husband do with his resentment of being tricked and it was kind of rapey to steal his seed against his will. It’s a pretty big and gross violation 🤢 Plus now you’re being abusive to those very kids?
No it’s ok to call it for what it is. It’s not “rapey” it’s rape. It’s sexual assault. If I as a man took my condom off in the middle of sex without my partner knowing to purposefully get her pregnant without her consent. I’d be called a rapist
@@elyse443 what she did is reproductive coercion, which is morally wrong but not illegal. But ra*pe is illegal and will result in jail. Fun fact: women are much more likely to be the product of reproductive coercion than men.
@@manifest2203 someone else called it “sexual coercion”. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer. In layman’s terms if roles we’re reversed a man would be called a rapist. Therefore it’s not a stretch to call this rape. It’s wild that a human life can be created through forced coercion and people shrug saying the guy should have worn a condom with the woman he trusted. If a woman was forced to carry a child she didn’t want, but was forced to through deceit by removal of a condom by a man, is that man not considered a rapist? It’s already been made illegal in California. Look up “stealthing”
Everybody makes mistakes. Celebrating and pointing the finger when they receive their consequences doesn't help anyone. Condemning someone who is HONESTLY looking to improve makes us guilty of holding them back. Yes, they have to pay the price of their choice. But if we choose to glory in their suffering, then we choose to be cruel. We should grieve their choice, AND grieve their suffering. Being honest, but compassionate, is the best we can do. This applies to men AND women. Well done, Dr. D.
100% agree with you. That too because of her mistake she has already lost her husband. Even then it is unfair that the husband abandoned the children, even the son that he planned. There is no excuse for abandoning his son.
@@SarahConnor562 Being Faithful Is a choice. It’s always a choice. Words like ‘mistakes’ relieve guilt & place victim hood on the cheater they do not deserve. & there is only one acceptable option for a man….Leave her.
What did I just listen to? So basically she’s mad that her husband who she planted a baby on left her and now she’s stuck with the responsibilities of her trapped baby?
The ex was in the wrong for denying her more children when they had already agreed on 2 or 3. All the wife did was have his child. When did that become a reason to leave ur wife and children? Just because she didn’t do it exactly the way he wanted? Really? His wife doesn’t deny him sex, yet he wants to deny what she wants in a marriage which is children. Which is what is produced from having a physical relationship with ur spouse. He promised her he wouldn’t forsake her. He’s no where near in the right to divorce her for that.
@@manifest2203 because if a man had put holes in a condom to get a woman pregnant unknowingly, the world would be set ablaze. She was wrong the way she went about it… point blank! You can justify it as much as you want.
She had kids with her husband there is nothing wrong with that. You sound crazy. There is always a possibility that you will get pregnant birth control or not. He wanted sex and she wanted kids and he knew that. Now that the kids are here he should be able to run away from his responsibility
What I don't understand about JD in this situation is that he critisizes the man for leaving. He just didn't leave for another women, but because his wife betrayed his trust. Would he say the same about a woman, who leaves her husband because he cheated on her? She decided for herself that he has to have another child, if he wanted to or not. Everybody would be pissed. And if she does this, what else would she do? I don't see any reason to defend her in this situation. No matter how afraid she was. He was afraid too, if he can provide for the family.
I can’t imagine doing that to my husband. We have two boys. I could have had another child but my husband was against that. Having a child needs to be both consenting. I couldn’t have imagined getting off my birth control and not telling him. Thats a huge betrayal in my opinion.
I think the birth control was the straw that broke the camel's back. He did not leave because of that. It was something he had been contemplating. The birth control gave him the reason he needed.
It took 5 years before he wanted to marry her to begin with he was hoping to find someone better and didn't so figuered why not then he met someone else didnt want more kids with her and now he wants kids with the new one . Some men are despicable they use women until they dont need them .
All we hear is her side of the story and even she admits she got pregnant without his consent or knowledge which is pretty horrific. If someone did that to me, it would be hard for me to forgive them
I’m with you I don’t see like most who have made comments. She loved him he did not lover her. She is the victim. The apostle Paul said Husbands love your wives
Oh god, your bitterness against men is loud. You just made all that up in your head and state it as some fact ending your made up story with " some men are despicable". And all this made up story about women using men from a story of a woman who got pregnant is the most sneaky way on her husband to get what she wanted. Now you sure turned that around 190 degrees, only as a very bitter woman ever can.
@@izzo2998 She said there was communication issues between him and also he left his children for awhile so yes, they are both at fault here. She needs to own her part and he needs to own his. The fact that he already remarried should be the sign there were issues beyond her going off the birth control.
Birth control is 99% effective. Even if she did everything right- doesn’t mean there wasn’t a chance they could get pregnant. Then what? He’s still going to bail? And then he has kids with another woman less than 2 years later? Clearly it’s not about the kids. He was looking for a reason to bail.
8:54 its cute Dr John actually thinks the caller listened to anything he said after he said, "you have to say you're sorry". he's underestimating the depth of her vanity, the dozen of "un huh" and "yeah" all passive-defensive agreements to get the call over as fast as possible.
What she did should be illegal. She needs intensive therapy, just like he said. And the kids probably need some kind of help too. This is a huge mess. I wish them well
@@chrisgrace81when you drive a car there is always an expectation that you may get into an accident. That doesn't mean that you are just allowed to drive danger everyone else on the road and expect them to be responsible for their injuries just because they were on the road with you.
@@khanhcao3123 I'm assuming English is not your native language since you failed to comprehend what I wrote. The commenter I responded to may have deleted their comment but what. I was saying was in agreement to what you responded back to me. They probably claimed that sexual intercourse should always come with the expectation of a child, so I told them that we drive cars and understand that an accident is a possibility, but we do not assume people will intentionally drive dangerously to cause an accident, much like how this woman stopped taking her birth control without telling her husband so she could get pregnant.
She heard what he wanted, and she didn't care. She didn't think he would leave. She was wrong and took it out on her kids. Good for the MAN to stand ground and good for her to make the call and ask for help. She's going to need it. The chances of her finding someone new of quality are VERY SLIM...
Honestly I don’t think her betrayal is why he left. I’ve been a family lawyer for 25 years and when men leave and choose not to have a relationship with the kids for a prolonged period of time they are usually having an affair. My guess is that he was mad at her and had an affair and fell in love with the other woman and chose to have a family with her because he was in love with her. Was the wife wrong to deceive him? Yes but men stay through much worse than that and it doesn’t explain him walking away from his kids for a prolonged period of time. Also he started seeing those kids because the new woman wanted to play happy family. What I would like to know is whether daddy chose to pay child support on a voluntary basis or if she’s just so grateful that he’s spending time with them that she’s not pursuing it.
Thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge. I appreciate that. Therapists dealing with abused women told me when a man leaves his wife, he is leaving the children too. A real man does not do that. He wants to raise his own children.
I have a different perspective on this. I realize this is a Catholic position and not everyone is Catholic. The Catholic perspective is when you get married you are open to welcoming children. Birth control does not guarantee you won't get pregnant. Nothing is 100 percent. If he wanted two or three children, does it matter if they were born sooner? So many people can't have children. I think there were other issues going on in here and this was his "out". Yet he can move on to another family? Doesn't make sense.
I`m not catholic but I understand your perspective. He would have left her even if she`d never come off birth control. He was using the "we can`t afford another child" as a cheap excuse. He didn`t want another child with her. He could have used a condom. He walked out on his children not just her. Marriage has become shallow in modern society as people don`t choose marriage partners wisely and respect vows.
The Catholic church needs money! This is why they profess go forth be fruitful and multiply. It's also the reason Priests and Nuns take a vow of celibacy. The church used to allow clergy to marry but then any money they left after their death would go to their children rather than the church, and the church couldn't have that.
The ex was in the wrong for denying her more children when they had already agreed on 2 or 3. All the wife did was have his child. He should not have left her for this reason.
She has only herself to blame. She did wrong but is mad at her ex? Puts all the blame on him. Bet she took everything she could from him in the divorce too. No pity and no accountability. The modern woman is insane.
She's a POS and wants to take him leaving out on the kids.....she doesn't deserve to have children. If the roles were reversed and the MAN forced her to have a baby.....🙄🤦♀️
My ex-wife of almost 19 years didn't baby trap me but was a serial cheater and I tried to stay for our kids. I finally left 5.5 years ago. Trust is paramount to love. I'm wholeheartedly involved with my kids but being away from her has been the most peaceful time of my adult life. But someone who would take their depression and anger out on her kids over a relationship is not a healthy/good parent. If she continues this the first thing that will happen when the kids are old enough is they will request to move in with the other parent for almost all of their time.
@joneil0022 stop being emotional. Unwanted children inside a marriage arent bastards. Your parents have to be unmarried for you to be a bastard. In any case, dude ran away from the son also. The son was planned. Why was the son abandoned?
@joneil0022 yes the real monster here is the man. The fact that he abandoned his son so easily is telling. He was so worried about costs but now has a ready made family he promises to protect. He was always going to abandon this woman and the kids. It was only a matter of time. All this gaslighting the woman that it was her fault is a lie. But you are totally wrong about the marriage part. Marriage is important for people who want kids together.
When you have kids, and they already had one before she went off the birth control, your anger or disappointments become secondary to the family’s needs. I know I’m in the minority here, but I think it’s a poor reason for him to leave. I think it’s an excuse.
@@alyross2850 I don't see how someone can reasonably be expected to live with someone who has betrayed them on so great a scale, someone who shown themselves untrustworthy? Share a bedroom and a bed with them? Have family activities with them and the strain of putting on a front for the children? I would think the household would be like the proverbial armed camp with so much tension that the children would know something is wrong. Divorce is horrible, but I wonder if in this situation it's the lesser of two evils.
The lies are coming from inside the house. He probably married a gem & she’s jealous she lost a good man due to her lies & deceit. We’ve all seen this movie. Dad is happy & she’s a single mom now on her own & can’t find a new man…I wish her the best but she needs therapy & to admit EVERYTHING
If she kept her figure & appearances, she won't have any problem getting the "wham-bam-thank you ma'am" guys. Finding a man like her ex-husband that looked at all components of a marriage (and he did try for a year to reconcile), will be extremely difficult, because that type of man usually stays married to the wife he already has. Even if she does find another good man, once she divulges she sabotaged her birth control, that guy will run as fast as he can.
@@jeromehenry4484 100% she will have to deal with being alone for the rest of her life unless she doesn't want to live a lie. You cannot come back from what she did in my opinion.
I have done this choice thing with my daughter the whole time - this is a few decades ago. It works. Children are not stupid, they always choose the right one, BUT only when you are consistent. Consistancy is the key word in child rearing.
