Girl. Leave him. The fear of being alone seriously cripples rational thinking for some people 🤦♀️ Being alone is better than being with the wrong person!
True. I’ve been in a toxic “relationship” for years with this random guy who I rejected a date from bc I was married. said guy then proceeded to stalk me for 15 years without consequence. It’s still happening. Husband was a paranoid heavy marijuana user + didn’t stand by me. In retrospect I realize both men are toxic: one is covert + one is overt. Even though the fear of loneliness is awful, I’d rather be alone than to be verbally abused
Him telling you the truth doesn’t negate that for 5-10+ years this man brought prostitutes and he’s still looking at ads and buying them. It looks like he has a sex addiction and he’s beyond impulsive. He’s putting your sexual health at risk and soul ties he’s exchanging. It’s very dangerous and damaging. Please leave.
@@Celwoodthere’s definitely a such a thing as a sex addiction. Are you kidding me? If you can be addicted to food, addicted to drugs, or addicted to even relationships in some cases, you can be addicted to sex 10000%. Men who masturbate 30 plus times a day as some men say they have been guilty of, watching porn for the majority of the day, or having multiple sexual partners in a day/week is abnormal. Men definitely need sex but when sex rules the majority of a man’s life there’s an addiction
I don't know. He might be so honest because he is dying for somebody to help him break this. She could lean in if she wants or she can bail. Either way is reasonable. But if she leans in she needs to protect herself.
He’s not honest. At all! He betrayed her and she saw the emails. How is that being honest? Him telling her he hired escorts in the past isn’t him being honest it’s him seeking sympathy for how horrible his ex-wife was, poor guy. 🤢🤮🤢🤮
He's not being honest. He told her because he wants to slowly manage her expectations so that she becomes used to this and just accepts it. We can all tell she's a pushover and so can he.
Girl, run. I guarantee if you asked his ex wife what happened you'd get an entirely different story. And, when he leaves you/you leave him, I'll bet he tells the next girl how "toxic" you were
I would have had to bail out of that relationship in the beginning. For one thing, him saying that he had to get into this type of situation for coping with a toxic relationship and he did it for 10 years, indicates that he actually hasn’t taken full responsibility. This behavior is his tendency. People often go back to their tendencies during times of stress. It’s likely to always be a struggle for him. You will always be wondering.
@queen absolutely I did ! The police said he would be contailed as in they would keep an eye on him! And they told him that too! The worst part is I found out from his ex! Not him! After we split and I still told the police
This woman doesn’t seem like she wants to leave. She left her 20+ marriage with one abuser for a sex addict. There’s peace in being single and healing. Why is she attacking his ex? She sounds like she needs intense therapy
Exactly. Her mental gymnastics of excusing his escort addiction as a response to a toxic relationship is dumb as rocks. He IS the reason the marriage was toxic.
It could be for a myriad of reasons. Some people who grew up with dysfunction & chaos in their home seem to be attracted to others who bring that same dynamic because it’s familiar to them.
@@MsDorcelus I grew up in dysfunction and chaos and twice married a chaotic woman. It seemed normal to me. Several years of hard work, without dating, has helped me to learn that difficult lesson.
Something I’ve never understood, if a man is unfaithful to his spouse and they divorce why get married again? He could just stay single and see all the escorts he wants.
Whose going to wash his clothes and cook his dinner? He wants to have his cake and eat it to, it's easier to be a pos than to be a stand up guy or just being single
@@NeeNee_B. Exactly. He needs a mom to take care of him. Most men remarry very quickly after divorce (compared to women). And I'm certain it's because they don't know how to function on their own (and they expect women to do so many things for them they've never had to do for themselves). It's perfect for him.
Many of these women are victims of trafficking, so that’s another red flag to his character. Even if these women do it voluntarily, it’s still a huge character flaw that will only bring pain and damage to your relationship. Let him go.
The fact that he blames his behavior on the ex-wife says it all. She is not in the picture anymore and he is still doing it. Then lying when caught. It's creepy that this guy wants to get married again. He needs therapy and to never get married to anyone.
It was a toxic relationship and how he coped with it was by hiring escorts? He didn’t hire escorts because his relationship was toxic . He hired escorts because HE is toxic. Escorts cost money.. so because he has financial difficulties he’s going to turn to escorts that cost $? Not buying it. This guy has a massive problem. And for her to say all men cheat to try to justify what he’s doing is also incorrect. “ I can’t seem to not be attracted to someone who does this” She’s not taking responsibility for choosing a man that does this. He told her he hired escorts in his previous marriage, but chose to sleep with him and have a relationship with him anyway. She speaking of attraction as if she has no choice in it.. she chose this guy knowing well he hires escorts!! For the fact that he blames his ex-wife, for his behavior is absolutely disgusting. She should know that he’snow blaming her for why he’s hiring escorts.
Thank God yu aren't attracted to these mangy men. Thank you Dr. for bringing this lady's problems to our attention, yes, she will get plenty of help from your comments, if she is willing to follow.
He cheated on his wife for a decade with prostitutes!!! She seems to justify his actions saying it was because of his ex-wife. So if he’s doing that now, does that mean it’s YOUR fault? Bc that’s the logic by which the behavior was justified. You’re worth so much more than this!!!
When my friend’s bf cheated on her, she called her mom crying. The first thing her mom said was to go to the doctor to get her checked. Life lesson to everyone.
Mary, here’s the mistake you made: He told you what he did and it was gross and disgusting. He was testing you, exposing his dark side to see how you’d react. You accepted his (supposedly past) dark side. Most women would run from a man with a past like his. You didn’t. So he knew he had someone who didn’t have strong boundaries or red lines. Yes, you’re forgiving, felt it was fair that he laid it all out for you. You’re a good person. But he’s not. He sounds like he could be a narcissist. They often do this: lay out their dark side and then later when they’re back into it, say hey, I told you how I was, I warned you and you have no right to judge me now. There are a lot of men out there who don’t have an escort, alcoholic, drug use, violent, lying, whatever, background. You need to be strong and careful now because he will promise to change. He won’t. Just end it, see it as a hard lesson, and move on. You’ll save yourself years of pain. You sound like a great person. You’ll meet someone good eventually. Just don’t rush it.
There are good men out there. Please don’t accept this behavior - you can do better. I got myself a great husband but in order to do so I had to dump a fiancée of four years (college romance) right before I was ready to graduate. I set a hard line and he crossed it by cheating on me and I caught him (thank god!). I dumped him so fast his head spun.
Just because someone is "honest" doesnt mean they are good. My ex husband when we were dating" confessed" an encounter where he " almost" slept with someone else. I took that to mean well he loves me enough to be honest. LOL I was young. Well he ended up being the biggest liar and cheater. 26 year marriage. Moral to the story, dont take a confession or a truth as high moral ground of that individual. When someone knows you are trustworthy, they will use telling you the "truth" to manipulate you.
I've been addicted to porn and prostitutes, and it took me finding God before I could finally break away, been clean for years now. But it took a radical shift in my world view, and a long time in trial and error before I started seeing the light. An addiction like that doesn't just go away, some major intervention needs to happen. And I first needed to feel a lot of pain, and seeing the huge amounts of pain I was causing others before I was even willing to change. Porn and sex addiction is extremely destructive to yourself, and everyone around you. Never enter a relationship with a sex/porn addict
@@Dan16673you don't need it, but that's what helped him. It's the same thing with drug addicts. Finding religion usually helps them. It probably has a lot to do with a sense of belonging and community and a new purpose.
Run as far away, as fast as you can! This doesn’t stop! Do not marry this man…….ever! This is not only deplorable, it’s downright disgusting. I don’t care how “honest” he purports himself to be, that’s only an illusion. Run! Get out! Sincerely….another man, who has never cheated. We are out here.
He blamed his infidelity on his first wife and this lady believed him. That should have been a red flag for her, but she didn't see it. Always consider what the other side of the story might be, because you're only getting one side of the story.
@@FaithandNova this is the problem for most people. Sad!! there are far worse things than to be single...folks act like its the worst idea in the world. 🙄
@@bloomingale7868 it’s insane to me. We always want to be “ the one”. You know well he did HER like that but he wouldn’t do that to ME. Until he does…..
I laugh at men who take a woman's definition of their ex as truth. It's the same for both sides. The unfortunate fact is we're only getting one side of the story, and everybody is always the victim in their own story.
Someone who blames their extreme infidelity on their “toxic” ex partner is not someone who owns their issues. She’s thinks he was “Honest from day one”. No, he made excuses from day one. He blamed his ex from day one. That’s what it is.
"I've never known a man not to cheat..." well if you keep second guessing leaving a guy who is actively hiring an escort,you may never find him. Stop questioning yourself. Ladies, if he cheats LEAVE! Better off single than with a man who doesn't respect you. He won't honor you but expects you to honor him. Make it make sense.
Oh, no, girl. Leave him. You’re not even married to this man. Get out now. It’s only going to get worse. You’re better off single than with someone who’s putting you through this turmoil.
Oh, I got a major commitment, even front a minister, but still he reengaged anyway. a bum, is a bum, is a bum. A term I just learned that suits this purpose, let the trash throw itself out.
Oh nope. No thank you. That will be a hard pass. People tell you who they are it is up to us to believe them. You don’t consider financial difficulties and looking at escort sites drama? That is drama. That is the definition of drama. Also likely the reason he has no emergency fund and his finances are rough is because he spends the money on escort services. Girl run. If you don’t it is 100% on you.
I’m surprised she knew all this & still proceeded with this relationship. I wouldn’t have even entertained that situation. No one is perfect, but it’s important to have standards & protect your peace at all cost.
As soon as a man said he used escorts while married, I would drop him off at the landfill where he belongs. He is not relationship material!!! Hello???
The man told you he cheated on his ex wife with prostitutes. What do you expect. People don't change. You just have to accept them the way they are or leave. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
People can change if they want to, but it has to be primarily for their own wellbeing. You can’t “fix” someone. They have to work through their own trauma.
Haven't even watched this yet, and my answer would be YES based on the title. We're not 20 anymore. If someone doesn't love you, be realistic. Walk away.
Everyone wants to know why he is not your ex-Fiance. Save yourself time, money, grief, heartache and drop him. It is better to be alone than a partner like him.
There is a much better guy out there for you! This man is selfish and manipulating you. The longer you are with him you are missing out on a beautiful life! I finally left and it was so hard but so worth it. Run as far and fast as you can away from this guy!!
Dear caller, I think you already knew the answer. Better to be alone than in a toxic relationship. Thank god you did not marry him. I wish you all the best!
You can do so much better than this! I've seen men like this. They will spend a ton of money on an escort, try to leave you for them if they think they can, and put you in debt. Please nip this in the bud before you sign a marriage contract with this man baby. He's already taken out a credit card for this crap, shows how extreme the situation really is because that's so so dumb. Do not legally tie yourself to him with marriage! That's a big deal and you will regret it! I really desperately hope she doesn't go through with marrying him. Break it off, you can't trust him, and go find someone that you can. And if you can't find someone better I promise it's much better to be single and happy on your own.
Yeah, my parents neighboor had a husband like that. Eventually he slept with escorts in their house and in their bed.... It's never just about looking sadly! 😢
Mary, I had a similar history and decided I wasn’t going to find a faithful man. My friends tell me I found the last one, but it’s not true. Our adult daughters in their late twenties also found them.
Advice: Track down the ex wife. Ask her out to lunch. Believe all the things she says. You may end up with a great new friend and lose a huge burden (the so called man).
Listen to the good doc. So much to unpack, but this isn’t fixable. There is nothing wrong, absolutely nothing wrong…with being alone and HEALING. It isn’t a badge of shame to walk away from a dumpster fire. In fact, it’s brave and strong.
First to everyone, you should not get engaged until you have dated 2-3 years. Second he cannot be trusted, his behaviors have not changed. Believe his behaviors. Save yourself exponential more pain in the future and end the relationship, you deserve better.
I’m going to say this: you never truly know someone sometimes even after 10 years, you barely know this man and he is showing you exactly who he is. It’s your choice to stay but be forewarned: he will not change for you or anyone. This is who he is. I hope you see this as a blessing before another failed marriage. Don’t complain later if you chose to do life with him, the signs were right in your face. you will suffer too much and that’s not worth it. You’re worth so much more, sounds like you need help.
agree 1000%! trying to fix something (a relationship) that is already broken isnt the answer....taking time to focus on one's self and get help that's needed IS!
I never really understand why people choose to call in to the show when it’s clear they’ve made up their mind already. I guess I understand that some people want someone to endorse whatever they’re planning to do anyways but it just feels like such a waste of time, especially if you already listen to the show and know the answer that’s going to come your way like how some people call in to Dave to try and get him to give them permission to go into debt. She’s stretching so far in every direction to give him a pass for everything he’s doing which is wild to see as an outsider without skin in the game but what’s sad is she doesn’t realize that the fact she is doing this is the reason why he’s been honest with her to an extent. He isn’t being fully honest with her but he’s being honest enough with her so that she is in this position to where she will still back him up and excuse him which allows him to get by with his behavior. Honesty doesn’t mean a person is acting right - if someone kills somebody and tells you about it and continues to kill people they’re still a murderer even if they’re honest about it. That honesty means nothing compared to the overall context of their behavior. The same thing applies here. He can be honest with you about escort stuff but continuing to use the service means he’s still shitty and the honesty doesn’t mean anything. Honesty means something when it’s from a person who is being genuine and knows that their honesty comes with a cost and consequences and are taking a risk by choosing to be honest. Thats why honesty is commendable because someone was honest despite the consequences being harmful to them but their character required honesty. With this dude he knows there’s no consequence if he’s honest so it’s not hard for him to be honest with her because he tells a partial truth and she’s happy to believe all the other lies and allow him to continue the poor behavior. If there were never negative consequences that could result from honesty people wouldn’t have many reasons to ever lie about something and the value people see in honesty from scenarios like this wouldn’t exist.
Ma’am…exit stage left!!! If he’s looking at escort services, he more than likely also has dating profiles. Edit: He’s a manipulator. There ARE good men out there. Only speaking from experience from being a former self-deflating, naive woman. Go to therapy for every debilitating memory until you physically feel your muscles calm when said event/thought pops up in your mind. I’ve often THOUGHT I was over something or making BIG strides (even during therapies) and it was false. I know I’ve conquered a trauma when my muscles aren’t clenching - legs, jaw, shoulders, etc. But, that’s just me.
Her parents (probably her dad who was also a cheater) made her feel she is not worth better in her childhood. Now she is still convinced she is not worth better. And is attracted by familiar types of guys. She needs to make the choice to break this cycle for her own good!
It’s a blessing to find these things out about your partner BEFORE you get married. I hope Mary doesn’t overlook the red flags and runs for the hills! They’re only 2 years in and he’s already going back to the addiction that destroyed his last marriage. She said that he likes to blame his first wife for driving him to it. What’s his excuse now? Supposedly, their relationship is good. So now it’s the layoff that’s driving him to it? Excuses, excuses.
Solid advice, sir. And apart from the weird singing when you took the call, you let the caller get straight to the point. Just one guy's opinion (somebody who has listened to call-in counseling shows for decades), but to-the-point is the best, I think.
You need to leave. If he can't recognise why this is completely unacceptable in a relationship then you just need to remove yourself from the equation completely. Let him marry his escort pictures and you can enjoy your life in peace away from that mess.
The caller is a very damaged woman. I wish she found someone who cared about her, her health, heart, and putting her first. I pray she gets the help she needs through therapy and church fellowship, and that she does get a sweet little puppy. ❤ My Love to her.
@@richardv9648 No, it's not an excuse to continually search for escorts who can give you incurable diseases and abort your children. Thank you for playing.
When you date a person who tells you he cheated repeatedly on his ex wife, you are ridiculously low on respect for yourself to go on date 2 with such a person. She is reaping what she has sown in ignorance.
Him showing his divorce papers proved he’s divorced. Period. Doesn’t “prove” anything else. His excuses that his first marriage was toxic and with you because he was laid off….are simply that…excuses!!!! He clearly has addiction issues and has found you, who is very trusting, tender hearted and wants to believe the best. Allll good qualities but also was prey for someone like him. Please please please move on. This will only end in a world of pain for you.
I love how people blame their toxic ex for their terrible decisions….nobody can make you hire escort for 10 yrs. Now he’s doing it again so who is really the toxic person? He’s the common denominator in both of these relationships. When a man says his ex is crazy or toxic as an excuse for gross behavior that’s a red flag to run
I am a single guy at the moment, but I would not go the way of an escort. It is ridiculously pricy, but moreover, your buying love or buying intermacy. It just stinks, it isn't fun. I am not going to say that when I was younger I never visited Gentleman's Club very occasionally with buddies, and that is one thing, but to flat out pay for go all the way as not a young guy or college kid, just no. Try to meet someone and if that doesn't work out tend to your own needs until it does work out with a partner, but don't go the way of escorts.
I commend you for saying this. I'm on dating apps. So many guys have told me when request money! I've also had guys ask me "how much"? Yuck! I know these dating apps are aware.
@@starrjohnson1327 In my life I did dating app. I don't at the moment b/c they are very expensive and rather ineffective. I did speed dating and have met dates in real life, but online dating in general, at least for me, did not hit. Thanks for commending me. The internet is such a messy place that I am wary to put straightforward comments. BTW I was never really into Gentleman's Clubs. I probably went maybe 3 times in my life, and yes with buddies as a younger guy or IDK a bachelor party it can have minor thrills. I think even females would give it a pass for those rare occassions. But at the end of the day it is also expensive and kinda dumb. Bottom line dating is hard as heck. If you actually manage to meet a good one, never let them go. My lucky has been lousy. I am 38 and still looking.
I actually wish more men WOULD seek out escorts. Instead, they get on dating apps being complete nuisances and menaces trying to get from women what they could EASILY obtain from “professional workers”…….At least 95% of what comes out of a man’s mouth in the dating stage is motivated by getting seggx😂. Just cough up the $250 and have the fantasy you want.
Thank you for sharing your take on this as a single man. I have a close friend who is now an escort, and she says she is enjoying it and I am so uncomfortable with her choice in lifestyle 😢 It just doesn’t seem safe psychologically or physically. My friend believes all men are cheaters, and she is not willing to put in the work to find love, cause she believes she will just end up getting hurt. So in her mind she will never find love, so she might as well have fun and have sex and get paid for it. There is some serious trauma there in that thinking… Even though I am a single woman at 40, I just don’t buy that narrative that all men just want sex and are cheaters. I still believe there are good men out there your comment has shown me that 😊
Man, I’ve met so many men who think seeing escorts when single wasnt a big deal! But the fact is NONE of them can stay faithful in relationships!!! Or married!! Especially when conflict strikes in relationships. I’ve dated one! They need help just like any other serious addiction like a drug addiction. You can’t live a promiscuous life style for years & expect to change that over night! Us women all believe we are the exception to the rule lol we’re not! The pattern is there until they get professional help! Even then the temptation maybe always there! 🤦🏽♀️ Some Men really thinks there’s no ramification for promiscuous behaviour.. ITS an insane !
Run girl RUN!! This issue will only WORSEN with the day to day monotony of marriage. I had a friend go through the exact same thing....if it is already a problem/repeated issue, chances are it's not going to change after you get married! You'll also end up with an incurable STI/disease. PLEASE get out now!
His coping mechanism is prostitutes and that mechanism has been fortified for years … that’s a deep heavy cross to bear. He will need to choose a new and healthy safe place. Prostitutes are his safe place right now and he runs to them in times of stress. That might be somewhat acceptable for a single man (I know quite a few who use such services) but I don’t know any wife who would be ‘good’ with that arrangement. If he doesn’t see this as a problem or start taking real steps to resolve it, then I wouldn’t marry him. It will be up to him to choose a different stress reliever. When she confronts him, I hope he doesn’t say ‘hey, I told you the truth a long time ago… you knew I had this tendency… I can’t help being stressed out. I’m honest with you’
Lady, do you value yourself so little that this man is your future? Walk away, stay out of the relationship scene, and get some help for yourself. GET SOME HELP.
Plenty of men don’t cheat. You need to move on to a completely different group of people and expect people to be honest and trustworthy. If there not you don’t need them in your life.
Majority do, only a fraction dont. But most are good at hiding it. Ina aplace like LA or miami its hard to get a booking because girls are over booked by married men.
