www.wildtruth.net Here I talk about an experience I had as a teenager in which I felt depressed -- mostly from social isolation and alienation and loneliness.
Beautiful Daniel you are the most intellectually and emotionally honest man i have ever met. And the most fascinating. I could talk and listen to you forever.
I felt depression at such a young age that I don’t even remember the first time I really felt it. I must have been 4, maybe younger. What parents do to this kids is just SAD.
David, I find your story depressing even hearing about it as a second hand experience. Butterflies and ants are symbolic? In the first place, I’m sorry that as a young boy you suffered such an inhospitable living situation! Of course, in addition to the isolation, the feeling of being excluded (amidst the wellbeing of others around you ?) must have been painful. No doubt, aside from the killing, the thought of collecting butterflies now is traumatic. Evidently, your painful experience had a silver lining as a learning experience? In trying to cope with your depression then, you collected your wits and came home with a valuable understanding that, once emotionally assembled, now serves you. Today, you are a inspirational communicator and guidance counselor! Thank you, David!
Hi Daniel thanks for sharing. It strikes me that the symbolism faced (unconsciously) by your 14 year old self was possibly enough to evoke the depression. You found yourself in a place where you were lonely, isolated and nobody spoke your language. To me this mirrors your home life situation, on an emotional level,back in the states. Your way of dealing with it was to self medicate. You took control on a scale you could manage at the time. This manifested itself in the desire to literally grab life and control and manipulate it to your will. You got to choose what butterflies you wanted and did as you wished with them. The counterpoint to your emotional life being extinguished was to take the life of the insects. I empathise with your young self. The crises it must have caused internally, when this cathartic project was sabotaged by the ants,must have been awful for you. The ants represented a sudden loss of control again.Hence your scramble to resurrect the collection by any means possible. It was preservation on two levels. Love and peace mate.
I don't know if it is fine to say but I cannot help to say it. He-14 year-old Daniel- was so cute that he tried to cope his depression with collecting butterflies.. I am sorry that he couldn't manage well but it would have happened to anyone of his age.
Maybe a lesson for all of us including you too in the connection between human psychology (ie depression-unhappiness) and environmental destruction... ! If our needs are not met by other humans/ our families then we will look to/ have to resort to ('mother') nature to fulfill those needs...(esp. perhaps overall our need for security... )
I once had a book about butterflies. I wanted to draw them, they are pretty creatures. I spent 3 weeks in Mexico but it helped that I was with my friend for the states, so we could speak English to each other. The maid thought I could learn Spanish, she kept trying to speak to me in Spanish. My brother actually ended it, so I can understand how bad depression can actually go. I'm chronically tired, but that's the only symptom I have (I have schizophrenia), and my nurse practitioner never will give me a diagnosis for depression because I only have one symptom.
I wonder what you think about it Danial. When I was a very little girl (maybe 3-4 years old) I captured a butterfly and tore its wings while it was still alive. And then I tossed it in the trash. I feel horrible about the memory. I am vegan now...I never kill bugs on purpose. I am a very sensitive compassionate person. Was this action a reflecrion of childhood trauma?
That sounds like a bad dream, I’m so sorry you had to see all your butterflies destroyed. Have you ever collected morpho butterflies from Costa Rica? They are so gorgeous..
alas, i've never been to costa rica, but i did see some morpho butterflies in the amazon in south america... however (and i don't think i mentioned this in this video) once i started grieving my childhood traumas in my early 20s i lost all motivation to capture and kill butterflies....and i just couldn't do it anymore! it just hurt too much. now i just look and admire! they are so beautiful and alive!
Hi Daniel. Your views of psychology are very insightful and I identify with the points that are made in your videos. I wanted to send you an email on your website, but there is an error every time I input my information. I was wondering if it was possible to reach you another way.
As a sociologist I am bewildered how psychologists look mainly for internal causes of depression and I still cant understand why they do that. Is this because they are pure cynic or just ignorant?
My kura Interesting question...no idea! Well, you are the sociologist here. Could you please write what’s so wrong about “finding” causes of depression within? What do you have in your knowledge arsenal to add up into this? The interaction between environment and oneself biological structure ? I’m really interested in your viewpoint of depression.
Whats wrong about finding causes of depression within? interesting you ask about values. Depends what values you have. Where you have these values from? are they preprogrammed in us or rather they are a product of environment? Subjective not objective knowledge and flawed methodology is the problem in humanistic/social sciences, sociologist seems to acknowledge it but psychologist not. Psychiatrist however likes to stay close to light of natural sciences but have nothing in common with them. Are they do what they do to "sick" children because they think they are"sick" or just accepted social role as a psychiatrist with a high status and power? We can change terms from sociological to psychological or even psychiatric one and state they do that because they are psychopaths or sociopaths but again these terms are cultural related. Are values which we hold consciously or unconsciously are culture relative? All these questions lead us inevitably to thinking and then to philosophy. Do psychiatrist have time to think about these "problems" during his shift time in hospital or after work? He seems too busy with his social life and play his role as a man of power. Psychologist many times is busy with playing his roles as well.
We are individuals in society all with our own individual differences. How is this dispositional diversity not relevant to distress?, including perhaps even primarily in how it means we are affected by sociological factors.
What a repulsive story. I have nausea just from listening to it. Killing butterflies, ants who eat butterflies, killing ants, and a 14year old boy with depression. I should not have watched this before sleeping time. About depression: In this case there was a trigger for the depression. Tricky thing with depression is that it can also come without any (obvious) reason.
Poor butterflys...but you manage the situation excelent,and you have 14!!!To me the strength you showed is related to you great reparation impulse,the horrifying drama is deeper, really hell, when all the efforts related with reparation get nothing cause the new situation,as Nietzsche wrote in one of his poems, come like a new mountains destroying the fixing thing...very very important that you could came home with some of the simbol of your reparations motivation
ok i havent watched the video yet but i suffered extreme abuse and have lepidoptera phobia. Im very interested in psychology, lepidoptera phobia is almost not researched but i suspect it has to do with rape and dissociation in ALL cases... Any (just ANY) information on butterflies in relations to crimes is helpful, im doing a private research on this topic. I most likely have been brainwashed from childhood so it maybe a sideffect of that. I think my grandfather brainwashed me, he loved butterflies, something happened there... Cant put my finger on it yet, not rdy to face the possibility that what happened to me was no accident.. I have already collected data from books on criminology and i have gathered that some abusers play around with butterflies. I want to find the person who did this to me. Nowadays i dont get triggered by butterflies that badly but before my therapy started i dissociated when i saw a butterfly.. Mk ultra? Abusive parents? I mean i had the whole package..
I have always been scared of butterflies. I remember when I was four my family went to mexico and there were huge butterflies and they creeped me the fuck out. They might be butterflies but theyre still disgusting bugs. All these other kids didnt seem to be scared.
Hi if your therapist describes this to you and you feel bad get a second opinion on it.. I hope you get all the help you need Evert :D All good luck to you..
Agreed. I was a very lost kid in a lot of ways. Once I started getting in touch with my feelings over what had been done to me I couldn't capture butterflies anymore.
I would call that unhappiness. Depression is like the plug got pulled on you. No ability to function or even move. A totally alien experience and not like anything described here.
Daniel Mackler ... i believe there is no reason to apologize or even excuse oneself for having had collected or continues to collect butterflies. Those who make murderous accusations are most likely individuals that secretly wish to snuff out the candles on a kid's birthday cake just for kicks 👍
i suffer from severe lepidoptera phobia. My cat kills butterflies for me lol i cant be in the same room with a moth.. I see no reason you need to apologize for this Daniel. Butterflies are far more scare than hyenas, lions or jackals.. Or tigers.. The only thing that scares me to death are butterflies.. Probably have that phobia due to the mk ultra like treatment i received... Not judging any butterfly killers lol, nor the butterflies, i could never kill them, i cant touch them or see them... I know they are harmless and fulfill an important role in nature.. But they are the only thing that really scares me. (besides the abuse i suffered which is probably why i have this really weird phobia). I know i should try to put the butterflies outside so my cat cant kill them.. But it seems i knowingly ignore that, and let her have her way with them. Its a bit toxic i know ;))) Im a serious butterfly-killer enabler xD With my cats its like a symbiosis: She kills moths for me, i give her a treat when she kills a moth lol
