I’m 25 and a full blown alcoholic, I get what you’re saying. My life has been flipped upside down on its head, my girlfriend of FIVE YEARS, left me for my blood brother, yes my brother. I’ve lost most friends, been in and out of hospitals, cops involved. I want to LIVE SO BAD and if I can keep pushing so can you. Pray, just do it. Find a higher power it helps. You can’t do it alone. Good luck, wish me luck as well.
Thanks for the kind words and I’m sorry your girlfriend made that decision. That is terrible and heartbreaking 💔. We both will make it out of this. Whatever it takes: praying to god, support groups, treatment, etc. we will make it. Thanks for watching my video. I hope people can relate to my situation and I can help others in some sort of way. I wish you the best of luck along this journey of pain and healing
i’ve struggled with opiates and alcohol my whole adult life i so get it. I spent my early twenties drinking myself to death then went into a pill addiction. There’s hope i promise. You’re young and you can do it when you’re ready. If I can anyone can. I’ve too been let down, had cops involved, lost many loved ones, lost my license until 5 years ago but i rebuilt it and you can too. Don’t lose faith or hope. It’s all we have and it’ll get you through.
@@BrookeAmber007 I guess I’m having a hard time wanting to stay sober. Just don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I don’t want to use but I’m not going to lie, the thought is there even after 4 years of sobriety.
@@lifewithleahrue1247 This will test you more than ever but the pain will eventually turn into beautiful memories. Using will create more pain. Shame, guilt, on top of grief. Whatever you do stay strong. You have a purpose.
Love you Leah. No need to feel embarrassed. Luke wants you to heal and honor his memory. He wants you to feel safe, and understand how valuable your life is. The dark feelings do pass, but it takes time and work. ❤❤❤
@@lifewithleahrue1247it will very very slowly get less intense but will always be hard. I'm going to be honest with you. There will always be tears shed about him many years from now. But eventually it won't be every single day all day thinking about it. You will get back to a life of normalcy after time. That's all it takes is time. And different amounts for different people and depending on how bad the loss of how the person was connected to someone all changes how long it may take on average. I wish you the best though. As I am going through the same myself if u read my other comment on this video. ❤
Don't be embarrassed please. There's times where the emotions are so intense and you don't know what to do and you just want that pain your feeling to stop. Grieving is painful in every way. I'm glad you have friends and family there for you to talk to bc that's helpful. It's not uncommon having those thoughts and please keep talking to loved ones or call a mh help line. I really encourage you to get grief counseling and I'm glad your looking into that. Unfortunately grieving takes time and that was the hardest part for me. I would tell my mom can I just sleep for 6mths and wake when my heart had healed? Don't be so hard on yourself that you are struggling to navigate this bc it's a lot. I'm thinking of you ❤❤❤
I am way too hard on myself and don’t realize what I’m actually going through. It’s still so hard to wrap my head around. Thank you for all the support and encouragement 🤍
YES. This is actually part of what is called the stages of grief. These stages not always necessarily take place in the same order for everyone but generally there is some consistency between what people experience. It's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about, just knowing about the stages and what they are can bring some comfort as it helps you understand what you've been thru, what your going thru, and what you possibly will be going through. I don't think your friends were wrong for being concerned, the thing I can say is I hope they are taking the time out of their days to be there for you because help having people around is very important. Isolation is not healthy - I'm really proud of you for bringing up the serious topics and sharing your story with everyone I can't begin to tell you how many people this might end up helping because your words are reality and there will be many that can relate. ML n R, take care
I agree that my friends had good intentions and just want me to be better. The thing they might not get is that can take years, from what I’ve read online at least… I hope it’s not years. It’s hard to share these things but it’s making me stronger and more confident. I’ve always cared too much about what others think about me and Lucas taught me to not care. So I think he has given me the strength to be open and honest to gain confidence. I miss him so much and I know he would be so proud of me right now 🥺😭💔
I think you just want to see Lucas again. I absolutely had those thoughts when my dad passed, though I've never felt like that in my life. He was the best. I would never want to leave, but I just wanted to see him again. Your animals love you and will help you along the way, too. That far away feeling may ache for a while, but Lucas wants to see you thrive, as soon as you feel up to it.
I wish I could see him again so badly 😩 I’m glad that I’m not alone through this. It’s weird, but sometimes I feel more alone when I’m around people. Like I can’t talk or be myself.
@lifewithleahrue1247 Feeling alone in social settings sucks. It always feels like someone's missing. But it's great that you can recognize your feelings and open up through videos. It's also helping me to understand grief better, so thank you.
Those feelings are normal, idk if ur friends should've done that. Ive had it done to me and it was one of the worst things ive been through, never felt more alone than sitting in that hospital room when all i wanted to do was vent. It is normal. You're going to feel guilty moving on, and like part of you is dead. Eventually you will accept it. Although acceptance doesn't always make it easier to move on. I am so sorry Leah.
I know you are hurting but you are very special to alot of people luke would never want this and you know this I know mental health can be devastating to our day to day plus having to deal with losing the person you love just always try to think what Luke would say and I know he would tell you to be strong me and my wife are both praying for you 🙏🙏
LEAH I know we’ve never met but I feel a real connection to you. I know it feels like this is your reality now but it’s NOT I lost my best friend to the same thing and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever went through. It took me about a year to somewhat feel halfway decent..you need to remember that JUST HAPPENED like a month ago . It’s COMPLETELY normal hun!! I felt like I didn’t want to go on without my best friend either ..I told myself I don’t want to move forward without my best friend. This is just the feelings we go through because it’s so fresh in our minds..our person was just here and now they’re gone so it fxcks with your mental. I’m not saying it’s going to get easier anytime soon but eventually YOU WILL GET TROUGH THIS. I’m praying for you and and If you need anyone to talk to dont Hesitate to ask . Your not alone ,much love
I’m glad to hear people can relate to my situation and that these feelings are somewhat normal. I definitely thought I was going crazy and still feel that way. I’m lost and unsure what to do almost every moment when I have down time. Grief and loss is such a weird, uncomfortable thing. I hate it but I know I will get through it. I forget that it’s only been a month because it feels like it’s already been a year… 💔
Its not unusual to have dark thoughts during grief and its too bad cops are being called on you for sharing your feelings with friends. Sometimes people dont know what to do for people they love and running to the police to save the day is all they can think to do. I think its really good your dad is there with you. Keep sharing with us during this time. Those of us that felt connected to Luke understand. We care about you Leah. ♥️
Thank you. I was upset that my friend called but who knows what could have happened if she didn’t call. I know she only had good intentions but it was so depressing sitting in the hospital room alone for hours. Glad to be home.
When I went through it People called and I had cops checking on me too which I was kinda dangerous during that time. I think the best thing to do would be to surround yourself with family and close friends. Especially during the holidays. It would be nice if you could take some time off from work. At least until the holidays are over. You need more time to grieve and process everything. Take extra good care of yourself. Things will get better with time but you need the time.💞
Hey, Leah. You are so brave for sharing what you’re going through right now. I can absolutely relate to having dark thoughts and questioning my own existence. It’s a really scary place to be. The thing that seems to save my tail is remembering to take things one day at a time. Life seems a little less overwhelming when I break it down like that. The fact that you accepted help and continue to engage with support shows that you have perseverance; I hope you keep up the hard work. I want to extend my support to you; if you ever want to connect, I’m here. Am sending you so much love. 😘🌹
It was a really scary moment. I’m glad to be feeling a little better now that those thoughts have faded. I really need to take each day minute by minute and also make sure to stay busy. I have been glued to my phone this past week and would love to spend my time doing productive things. Thank you for all the support, it means a lot 💕💕
Leah I was in Foster homes growing up and I ended up in prison for minor offences I've allso been an Alcoholic, and on top of that I sadly lost my soul mate Marie through Cancer and my best friend of 30 years was sadly hit and killed by a train last October so I've been very low this last year. Then I woke up one day and thought fuck this and the last couple of months I've been soba and I'm thinking more clearly now and I've just started a new job. My advice to you darling is to sit in front of a mirror and say to yourself "I Won't To Live" then put some make up on and go out for a meal with your your dad or friend friends. Small steps you can do this 💪🌹
I’m so sorry for your loss 😔 it such a terrible thing to go through. I’m glad you are able to be sober. When we are using, it’s easy to lose touch of reality. I’ve been there myself many times, so I can relate to that. I truly want to love but also want to be numb to the who situation. I hate feeling this way.
i’m so sorry for your loss 😔 i’m sure the police and all that was abrupt. i believe it is normal to think things like that, at least for me. calling your boss and a school advisor might help to get you some more time to grieve. taking some time away from things without distractions really does help. getting a deep cry and time for sorrow, although it seems ironic. friends come and go but those who are really close will always have patience and kindness for you. things will be better ❤️
Thanks for the comment and support! My work has been very understanding of my situation but I need to make money to pay my bills which are extremely high right now. Unfortunately, I can’t miss any days of school to pass my clinical but have three weeks left. I know I can finish strong but might not be able to fully be present and retain all the information I’m trying to learn. I’m sadly learning that close friends do come and go and maybe later on in life we can reconnect. Working to accept the way things are at the moment has been a huge struggle for me.
I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time, Leah. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend going through what you’re going through. It so hard and you deserve grace. Please don’t be embarrassed. 💜
I have been in similar situations with losing my bf to an overdose and losing my father completely unexpectedly. Grief isn’t linear. The stages of grief are different for everyone you will have a good day and think you’re getting better and then bam! Back to square one with all the emotions. It’s scary and takes time. Give yourself some grace. Know that your feelings are normal and valid and this is something you will have to work through and it’s going to take time . I had the cops called on me because I said something about not wanting to be here and a whole crew of people showed up to my place, including a crisis team! The crisis team was mad and two of the guys were yelling at me for wasting their time. I was like umm I didn’t call you, I didn’t ask for help and you clearly don’t belong in this position because I didn’t want to end myself but I kinda do now. I slammed and locked the door. For that reason, I’d never call the cops for help. I hope you know a lot of people care about you and are here to listen and help if possible.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss 🥺 my life is so up and down. One day I feel ok and the next I start to question everything. It’s reassuring to hear that what I’m feeling is normal. That’s so messed up that the crisis team treated you that way. I feel like there are so many other resources out there I just need to find one that helps me. Did anything in particular work for your situation?
@@lifewithleahrue1247 I wish I could say yes, try this but honestly no. Nothing really worked for me other than time. I went through a lot of therapists that weren’t great and when I found one I really liked, he retired a few months later. Just my luck. The few months I worked with him were very helpful. So actually, if you’re able, I would suggest therapy with the right therapist that you can open up to. Imho, don’t start taking medication/ antidepressants for situational depression. It’s normal to be depressed right now. I think antidepressants are used too often for situations where it’s like, yeah duh! Of course I’m depressed rn! It becomes another medication that you have to get off and it’s a pain to mess with your brain chemistry but obviously only you know what’s right for you. No shame in taking medication. I carried the burden of that one night I didn’t go and “babysit” my ex bf, he happened to o.d. & of course his “friends” were too messed up or too afraid of getting into trouble themselves to call for help. The “woulda, shoulda, coulda” thoughts consumed me for years. I hope you don’t feel that way. You absolutely shouldn’t. You could not have known that would happen. Losing someone you love, sucks. It’s hard. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s dark, sad, lonely and physically painful. I know it’s cliche but it will get better. You just need to figure out what your new normal is going to be. Give yourself grace to figure out how this different life is going to work. It will. I’m always here to lend an ear and so many other people are as well. They probably have better advice too! Take care of yourself and just keep going. XX
This video came up in my feed. I just want to say, there is nothing wrong with you. I think we all feel down at some point. I believe the best way to get out of those feelings is to surround yourself with good people. Try to realize what you are passionate about and do more of that, and like you said, if you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts teach yourself to stop. That's what meditation is, cessation of thought. Don't be embarrassed, I think sharing is a lot better than bottling it up. We're all amazing, just the fact that we were born is insanely unlikely. I hope you feel better.
I’m trying my best to open up and it has been helpful in some ways but it’s still so hard to cope with everything. Making these videos is making me a stronger person. Expressing my true feelings has been a struggle for me my whole life but for some reason I feel like it’s easier to open up to complete strangers on RU-vid where I feel like I’m not being judged. Thanks for watching my video and for the support. It means a lot 🤍
@lifewithleahrue1247 I'm sure she could find someone if she doesn't, but I would think she could help you. It is very difficult to find a good therapist- I totally get that.
You’re grieving and want the pain to stop, that’s normal. I’m glad you know you don’t really want to die, you want to be okay. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s brave for you to share. What you’re feeling is extremely common I promise. You just need someone to talk to thats professionally trained in grief ❤❤❤
@@lifewithleahrue1247 there’s also no “fix” with grief, just learning how to hold it. I think a support group would be a good start! Maybe zoom to start.
Thankyou for sharing and keeping us updated. I cant even begin to imagine or faintly understand what you're going through but i think your doing the right thing being around friends and trying your best to go to work and school even though it feels difficult. Im glad your with your dad and i hope your friends and family can comfort you like you deserve. Dont ever be embarrassed for what you do or how you feel about this. Praying for you. I hope you keep doing exactly what your doing because time and notmality are probably best as well as love and support, getting out of the house and trying to experience life as much as possible. Its been hard for me to get out of my room lately but i know its good for me. I truly hope and pray for your continued recovery and healing.
I can be so hard on myself these days and overthink almost everything. It’s so hard not to at this point. Trying to find something positive out of all of this and be grateful for what I still have in life. It’s so hard to leave my apartment other than for work or school. The motivation is still not there. I’m hoping things get a little better soon. Thanks for showing your support, it means so much 💕
I think it's completely normal to have these thoughts, no need to feel embarrassed 🤍 Things will take time to mend. I know it seems like the world is over, but hold on to hope... Because life isn't over for you yet, Leah 🙏🏻🤍 I think Luke wants you to live the best life possible! I bet he wants to see you succeed and be happy. You are loved ❤️ even us strangers on the tubes care about ya. I hope peace will fill your mind soon. It's gonna be ok... It'll take some time tho Luke will never be forgotten 🤍
Lots are grieving with you, Leah. I myself lost my oldest brother in 2013 when he was just 23 to an accidental methadone overdose. and then lost my second oldest brother this year on March 27th 2023 when he was 31 to stage 4 cancer in his stomach thst spread from his testicles not knowing he had testicular cancer. Too much time passed and when he was diagnosed on march 3rd 2023 he was already stage 4. and passed from sepsis after be was doing better from first round of chemo. Got sick with sepsis and died all within less than two days. Killed him SO fast. So now im basically grieving the loss of half my family. Only my lil bro and myself left. 21 lil bro and 27 myself. And my mom n dad and one grandma. Whom are all in horible shape. mom was diagnosed with glaucoma the other week and might go blind one day and is struggling with obesity and miltiple painful disorders as well as my dad. Except hes more obese and his knees are bone to bone. Must walk with a cane. Life is horrible right now for me. I wish you the best.
Leah, please do not feel embarrassed. You have strength and courage to express how you are feeling and I have such mad respect for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. You will make it through stronger and wiser.
Trust me in a few years when you hit the “I don’t give a fucking fuck” stage.. you’ll get plenty of sleep, and you’ll be stronger mentally. You can do this. Also try some lexapro. It works.
I think that’s where I’m at right now. I don’t care about anything and just want to numb the pain somehow. I’ve tried almost every antidepressant out there and nothing has worked. I’m on klonopin for anxiety and insomnia which seem to help but just doesn’t seem to be enough to fix the pain I’m going through.
Yes get it out and talk about it. We’re here to listen ❤. It’s very normal imo. When you’re that close to someone life seems impossible when they are gone but have faith they are there. You can’t see them or touch them but they are there.
Thanks for being such a big support. I really need people to help me through this right now. Family and friends just don’t seem to be enough right now… I know Lucas is here with me everyday but it’s still so hard to move forward. Unsure of what the future holds for me.
@@lifewithleahrue1247 The future is bright for you. You have a story to tell. You can and will help so many. Even if you touch one or save one person it’s worth it. I know what you mean I joined a grief support group because my inner circle wasn’t enough for me for some reason either. I was so nervous to go i’m actually shy in person but I forced myself. I swear i didn’t get relief or closure until i met people who got it and who have been through it. Think about going I swear it was the best decision i’ve made and i’ve made lifelong friends and support through that group. 4 years later i still talk and adore everyone i met there.
All of GODs children are having a hard time I lost my 25 year old son recently, your not alone I was suicidal as a teen I can relate hang in there GODs got you ,your story can and will inspire many,no hard feelings I'm saddened Luke's gone
Thanks for the comment! I hope my stories can help others who may be going through a similar situation. It’s the worst feeling alone during a hard time like this.
Please don't be embarrassed by these feelings this is very normal and it will pass as you keep working on yourself and keep doing what you need to do. The people who don't talk about it bottle it up and they are the ones who usually commit suicide or worse. There's so much more I want to share and tell you just buy what I've gone through and let alone how proud of you I am as I knew Luke and talked to him several times he wasn't a great friend but he was a very good person that's for sure with a very big heart. Remember as beautiful as you are on the outside which is very beautiful you are incredibly even more beautiful on the inside by actually having the guts to talk about this and talking about it feeling the issues and the grief in these moments after his death and going through them instead of not dealing with them and waiting till they deal with you later on. You are such a strong woman. Remember deal with the feelings of grief now and don't worry about quitting The vape or coffee completely do that bit by bit later on as you can if you want. You are doing amazingly well especially considering your situation, and you are being honest with yourself and others and truly feeling the grief and dealing with it. Your soul and mind radiate how truly beautiful you are. Much respect.
It was so unexpected and that’s what hurts the most. Lucas should still be here. Wish I could go back to the days listening to you guys live stream together 😩
@@lifewithleahrue1247 Stay calm, easier said than done. There are so many stressful things coming at us in different directions in this life. Just take things day by day. A big one for me was to appreciate what i have as opposed to things i thought i needed. Hope this helps.
Thats insane that your friends are calling the police on you multiple times. In my mind if my friends (that I don't have) called the cops on me I would be very reclutant to ever open up to them. The police's job is to uphold the law. They aren't professionals at all in the mental health field. Just my opinion. I suggest seeking councel on your own, and taking things at your own pace. Also i would suggest setting some boundaries with your friends such as not calling the police, tell your friends there are other avenues to go about this that does not include law enforcment. Hope you don't get stuck with a big ass ambulance/hospital bill. Good luck to you
Glad I wasn't the only one to have this opinion. I am always one to speak my mind and to hear this is happening to her sucks. I'm an addict and found Luke from the Ryan Leone (RIP) drug story community. I don't know Leah well at all or her story but was told she is a recovering addict as well (I apologize if thats not correct). That being said my mind went straight to "why are her friends putting her through all this when its not necessary?" Its like her friend went behind her back (literally went outside to call cops) when all she had to do was talk to Leah and see if she would be willing to go to the hospital on her own. I wish Leah nothing but the best, its going to take time to heal, and it should be at her own pace. Not forced upon her by friends. Everyone grieves differently and at different times. If Leah or her friend that called the cops are reading this I suggest having a talk and setting some boundaries. This could have and may already have caused more unnecessary stress to the whole situation. What if she hadn't agreed to go to the hospital? She could've ended up in handcuffs and held in the psych ward for evaluation.
I agree, but honestly I think her friends just weren’t familiar with suicidal thoughts themselves and therefore didn’t realize that most of the time they are merely passing thoughts. A lot of people don’t realize that just because you think about wanting to die, it doesn’t mean you actually want to carry out the act. Those are two very different things but unless you’ve experienced it yourself it can be hard to understand that. (this is kind of a long rant lol, be warned..) As someone who has been hospitalized before for being suicidally depressed I definitely don’t think it’s the best course of action for 99% of people with suicidal ideation, especially because it tends to worsen your mental health in the short term - being put in a psych ward is really scary and feels degrading in a way. Being taught that you can’t trust your own brain is never helpful. You are shut off completely from what your mind is subconsciously telling you it needs. Being in the psychiatric system is being taught that your mental illness is stronger than you. It’s removing your locus of control and feels like you are putting your fate in the hands of others who don’t necessarily treat you with respect. It IS within your control if you are taught the right skills to manage your moods and build your confidence/self worth and sense of purpose, but unfortunately these things are basically never prioritized in psychiatry. I’m pretty bitter towards the mental healthcare system for that, I feel like I’ve been overly pathologized and taught that I am helpless in the face of my “illness” and that the only thing that I can do to control it is taking medication. Being called combative for advocating for myself (psychiatrists are essentially taught to never believe their patients) and often unsuccessfully trying to convince providers that I AM capable of making my own decisions is unfortunately a common experience. Recovery isn’t the goal to them, stabilization is. Psychiatry wasn’t designed to help patients find happiness. Poor mental health should never be a lifelong struggle, but they never seem to anticipate any other outcome. I’ve been trying to undo the learned helplessness they’ve instilled in me but it’s not easy at all. But basically what I’m trying to say is that being hospitalized was the gateway to being treated poorly by mental health practitioners which has only made things more difficult/hopeless for me. If anyone has the chance to avoid this they absolutely should find another way to support a person struggling that DOESN’T involve hospitalization.
Thank you for sharing this! Me and my therapist were talking about this today during our session. The hospital is basically a place to keep you safe but your mental health issues won’t magically get better. It takes hours to be seen by the doctor making the time spent there more depressing. Which allowed for more overthinking… I’ve been hospitalized and to the psych ward as well and it was the worst. I did everything I could to get out. After going through that situation before I had gotten sober they took me off the one medication that truly helped me.
i believe i heard you say something about being in therapy, but are you in grief counseling at all? i highly recommend looking into it if you're not. it's great that you're talking about your feelings but getting professional advice could be even more beneficial. ❤ i'm sorry
Please don’t feel embarrassed at all. I think it’s so important you are talking about how you’re feeling. Talk, cry, get it out. Your emotions will change sometimes hour by hour. This is all normal in the grieving process. You’re doing the best you can. 🤍
Thanks for the comment. It definitely helps me to express how I’m feeling and for whatever reason, it’s easier to do on RU-vid compared to real life with family and friends. I’ve always struggled with expressing my emotions but here people seem to relate and understand more with no judgement.
