My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex With Me

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My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex With Me
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Комментарии : 1,2 тыс.

@kdlofty Год назад

When there's sex in a relationship it's 10% of the relationship. When there's no sex in a relationship it's 90% of the relationship.

@4our5ive61 Год назад

wow. you are correct.

@samia6888 Год назад

Wow I never seen it in this light. Thank you.

@kdlofty Год назад

@@samia6888 You're welcome.

@emontzka Год назад

It’s 90% to the sexually frustrated, zero % to the sexual refuser. It sucks.

@kdlofty Год назад

@@emontzka if it sucks there isn't a problem is there? Lol.

@shethewriter Год назад

You can tell from how she talks that she loves her husband so much. I really feel for her and I hope they get the awesome life they deserve!

@MineMeMineMeMineMe 7 месяцев назад

she built up walls for him to be normal with her just because he exposed and share his past with her.

@randybobandy9828 6 месяцев назад

She sounds like a heavy cigarette smoker.

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

@@MineMeMineMeMineMe Huh? Not on her at all. He is gay.

@Tony-bp1nr Месяц назад

@@littleme3597A lot of women are like this in their marriages too for similar or different reasons. Does that mean they're gay too?

@dianecelento4974 2 года назад

Sexual abuse is such a horrible thing but parents who sexually abuse their own biological children is mind blowing.

@dianecelento4974 2 года назад

@@marcicisketti4608 So sorry that happened to you. So glad you're working with the sheriff to get your uncle. I listen to Joyce Meyer ministries on youtube. She was sexually abused by her uncle and father. She talks about it a lot to help others. This happens far too often to children. My brother's girlfriend went through the same type of thing. God Bless You. I pray you have peace and strength because you deserve it

@ldv02 2 года назад

Their own children. Period. You don’t have to say biological. Even if it wasn’t biological, it’s the same. Even a nephew/niece. Goodness gracious I don’t get it. Makes me sick

@IndecisionTelevision Год назад

It's about access. Most people, pedoz included, don't really meet a bunch of random kids they're unrelated to

@TopVillain Год назад

That’s sad but this is not the case the husband had a healthy sex life prior to marrying this woman….he just doesn’t like her like that it’s possible it’s just a afraid to be alone type of move

@danilaroche1156 Год назад

@@ldv02 It's a demon and I'm serious. My dad molested me at 4 years of age. It wasn't till I was 60 that I could face it. I want to tell you all the Lord Jesus healed my deep pain, self loathing and trauma. My dad was diagnosed schizophrenic but I know it was demonic. I forgave him. He died and I don't know if he ever repented & turned to Christ. Christ is the answer.

@Mew__ 6 месяцев назад

The woman calling seems super smart. She was connecting many dots in real-time, and also clearly seems engaged to make things work to the best of her abilities. Godspeed to this couple.

@trianglesandsquares420 5 месяцев назад

She's a people pleaser and a perfectionist, that's why she agrees with John and studied all his material before calling, but she's smart too. She needs to take some initiative for what she wants, though, and not just for what needs to get done. And her husband needs to help in some way, because this is all on her shoulders.

@dankus.memeokus4192 5 месяцев назад

@trianglesandsquares420 u can't put her being upset by his sexual abuse on him in any way shape or form he should not have to help

@SuperJust4girls 5 месяцев назад

@dankus.memeokus4192 I think it's more that both need counseling. He needs a therapist to help him through his trauma and so does she. Her being upset is from him being uncomfortable and not being able to voice it to her, this can be worked out with a therapist. Both have valid feelings, it's just an awkward situation that needs to be worked out.

@BlakeHouse-j3u 5 месяцев назад

She's Overthinking .

@LeahDyson-kq4bd День назад

If he is destroyed by what happened in his youth he has to get real about that you can't know something made long term relationships almost impossible and let this woman think it is still possible somehow

@heatherwood6446 Год назад

She struggles because she starts to view herself as the monster-father who hurt this precious little boy that she loves & her instinct to protect tells her "stop" intimacy to LOVE him...when in actuality, if she can just be his wife & let him be her adult husband, THAT will be the best way to love him, a healing GIFT that nobody else can give! 🎁

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

Ooooh, well stated!!!

@raedorin979 7 месяцев назад

That makes sense. I think letting him be a little bit overpowering in the moment might help her with that. Playful things like your husband picking you up, or holding your arm up and tickling you will definitely make you realize he's NOT a little boy and I'm NOT taking advantage of him. I would recommend she start a playful game with him and then when he wins its like, yeah, he's totally fine. s@@supernova11711

@growing.grounds4054 5 месяцев назад

Yes maybe but also I think she views herself as ugly and probably fat which hurts her self esteem.

@myme8208 5 месяцев назад

@@growing.grounds4054 yes she has her own hurt that she needs to deal with, she needs the touch to feel accepted too

@d3mized 5 месяцев назад

@@growing.grounds4054you pulled this out of ur ass

@sabrinafrederick4141 2 года назад

My sister and I were victims of our dad too. I’m 50 years old and had 20 years of therapy. Unfortunately most therapists don’t correctly know how to help incest victims. I found Dr. Susan Foward who is now retired but was an expert in this field. She wrote many books, she saved my life. Praying for this poor man.

@lukebarrett2317 2 года назад

there are prayers for fixing divorce and brokenness marriages. Although me and my wife are now back together and our love is even stronger but I was a total mess when she first dumped me.

@sarahalderman3126 Год назад

Another woman who is an incest survivor. Not my father but cousin’s. Regardless this story breaks my heart and is so close to my own.

@madlaz5795 Год назад

Wow what is the hardest thing to deal with?

@namaste2788 7 месяцев назад

I agree with you, had years of trauma therapy, yes i have healed in a way, learned some tools on how to cope. But sex, was on a different level, and these steps only happen with the person you let in, your love partner. I've read the comments, and some don't seem to understand how this trauma lives on, its like saying to someone who lost an arm (which i have lost function of one arm) goes to see a therapist to accept and grieve and move forward, but what is lost will not be gained back. You will always be different in some areas, being abused by a family member for years, in your young learning years, will have an impact forever.

@Kate-b5j 7 месяцев назад

That's not incest-- it's sexual abuse. Incest is sexual relations between close relatives who are consenting adults. It's actually legal in a few states. A child who is sexually abused by an older sibling, a parent, etc., can't consent to anything. There's a power differential, i.e., it's predatory. That's a crime. My mother has reframed my childhood sexual abuse by my older brother as incest, e.g., "it's actually really common." This is her attempt to make it seem ubiquitous, and to avoid accountability, etc. She cognitively "normalized" it in her own mind, and attempted to gaslight me for years. It didn't work. From the ages of 5 to 13, I was sexually abused by my older brother and she knew about it. She told me they'd lock him up if I said anything to anyone and his life would be ruined. Meanwhile, it continued. I've removed her from my life. She's sub-human, on every level. Please use the correct language. It's not incest. It's sexual abuse. I am sorry he did this to you. Sending healing and love to you. ❤️✝️

@nepatriots77 2 года назад

These open conversations about sex is helping me understand the importance of it in a relationship. I was never abused but I grew up in a family where conversation about sex was taboo. My dad never had a talk with me about this growing up and this resulted in me viewing it as a shameful thing.

@MaddieFishblob Год назад

I’m 100% in the same boat! I even had to get the sex talk from a friend at school because my parents sure as hell were never gonna do it ☠️ It’s just confusing when u can’t ask ur parents abt any of it because u don’t know what they think the right time is and when it’s ok and when it’s not. Like I’m assuming they want me to wait till marriage but idk for sure 🤷‍♀️ :p

@kellharris2491 Год назад

Same. This lead me to finding out on porn which only messed things up for me more...

@purplelove3666 Год назад

No,in a marriage

@acausevic1 8 месяцев назад

Not everyone likes sex as much as you think. Idk why you folks overlook that. Some folks don’t like certain foods while others love it. It’s not different with sex. Sex isn’t anything special where everyone loves it and if you think that you’ve watched too many movies.

@dontforget3113 7 месяцев назад

@@acausevic1 Thank you. Finally!

@melhoman8302 11 месяцев назад

Yep lots of women are unhappy in sexless marriages. Im tired of it only being portrayed one way around

@aramisy.cajigas744 8 месяцев назад

Both feel miserable in sexless marriages.

@blr141 8 месяцев назад

At least we know this isn't something that just men deal with.

@jackdeniston59 8 месяцев назад

...and we are fedupwith women endlessly moaning. Grow up.

@ladydatura2529 8 месяцев назад

@@jackdeniston59wow you sound like such a kind person and partner

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

@@jackdeniston59Sounds as though you could take your own advice.

@mariyaa111 6 месяцев назад

One of my best friends who I no longer speak to, was SA by her older brother, her parents did not do ANYTHING about it. She suffered for YEARS, started cheating in her husband due to lack of sex, and went from being an amazing mom and wife to a drug addicted, sex addicted woman who’s living with her “boyfriend,” at his mothers house, as a 40 year old woman!! Trauma is no joke!

@shanecharles4589 4 месяца назад

poor husband.

@saintejeannedarc9460 4 месяца назад

@@shanecharles4589 Yeah poor husband. Poor any spouse who gets cheated on. Nothing worse than that kind of betrayal. It's just an abstract thing that you know must be hard, but when it happens to you, then you really feel for them when you hear it.

@shanecharles4589 4 месяца назад

@@saintejeannedarc9460 right?

@neechee5150 4 месяца назад

@mariyaa111 said, "[She] started cheating [o]n her husband due to lack of sex" Not to diminish what your friend suffered but her husband not giving her sex is not why she went off the deep end and had extramarital affairs. She had the affairs because she wanted to do it period. No excuses. No externalization of blame. She had the affairs because she wanted to and was selfish.

@sillycookie1982 3 месяца назад

@@neechee5150 victims of childhood abuse have sexual dysfunction. We know trauma remaps the brain. In some cases when mental health is involved he person is to be pitied. Of course everyone feels for the person being cheated on. I've had it happen often but I can have empathy for those who have problems. Can't tar everyone with the same brush

@myyt3824 2 года назад

I can’t imagine only seeing my husband 3-5 days a month. That alone is really hard. Add in sexual issues rooted in abuse and it’s exponentially worse.

@stephaniezimmerman8669 2 года назад

There are many marriages who only see each other a few days a month. Over the road truck drivers, pilots, ship captains and crews, some railroad employees. It takes work to make a marriage work, but it really teaches you how to love and appreciate every moment you and your spouse get to spend together.

@aqua6613 Год назад

@Stephanie Zimmerman as a truck driver I approve this. If it's not fire when you get home to that person after that long then you've been doing it wrong. I pretty much have a list of stuff that needs to be done when together 😆. That tension build up can be crazy. Carefull with truckers tho...lots of them cheat. I was married to one. Not doing it again unless we team drive...you don't want something that penicillin can't cure.

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

@@aqua6613I can see this. Hookers definitely hang out at truck stops and go knocking on all the windows. You have a man who’s been working for days non stop and hasn’t had sex for weeks and it’s a recipe for disaster. There’s a reason the prostitutes keep going back and there’s a reason everyone knows that that’s a place to find them.

@corrieworou4813 6 месяцев назад

I couldn't do it. That's tough

@saintejeannedarc9460 4 месяца назад

@@corrieworou4813 No, most people couldn't do it. Marriage is not supposed to be this way. This woman is sacrificing herself in every way for this man. I get that she really loves him, but it's not much of a marriage for her.

@pattyajones 2 года назад

Have ANY OF THE COMMENTORS EVER considered hubby was sexually abused??????????? This left issues which left a lifelong impact on him? THIS IS A HUGE problem for HIM (and now Shae)

@Kortita 2 года назад

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!

@ineedhoez 2 года назад

Captain obvious.

@farmermarshall 2 года назад

Apparently, they haven't. He was sexually abused... possibly raped by his father. The little minds in the comments so far are sad & surprising. I'm wondering if these issues didn't show while they were dating or early in the marriage.

@fauxbro1983 2 года назад

At least he won't spread his weak genes

@mv7374 2 года назад

Johns comment section has been wack lately tbh

@mst-pierrem5729 2 года назад

Girl you dont need his story... I have a husband who doesnt remember all of the s* abuse or who did it... He was too young. My trick with him and it works is litterally hugging naked or a lot of hugs and we talk about other things, because my situation was so bad he didnt want to be touch in some area while having sex.. He even had to have his therapist say it okay to give yourself the permission to fantasize about women without feeling guilty or disgusted about having those urges! Something just click and relieved him ! Often they dont voice so many thing because they are AFRAID ! That power of their body being their own has been taken away and society's taboo about how bad male sexual abuse is is also such weight on their shoulders. This Dr. Delony gives you awsome advice, but I would add dont give yourself the pressure that you have to compensate for what sex represent for him! I feel you - a wife of a survivor of sexual abuse. You'll get there in time!!

@veronicav575 Год назад

Somebody pin this comment! She needs to hear this.

@ashleygrant3131 7 месяцев назад

Another vastly underrated comment

@djgonpet 5 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing this

@thomaswillard6267 Месяц назад

No lady, you didn't need your husband's story. You can't deny what her husband might need

@LeahDyson-kq4bd День назад

I think this shae woman is a codependent it's like she knows he will reject her and push her away and she wants to figure out how to win him over and save him

@CarrascoWangler 7 месяцев назад

I went through a relationship where my boyfriend rarely wanted to have sex. I have a very high sex drive, so it was very frustrating for me. Several years later I found out that he’s gay. It explained a lot, but I still wished I had known it wasn’t me at the time.

@samanthaweber-gn4ss 6 месяцев назад

I am in a similar situation but I don’t get the vibe of him being gay what other signs were there? I have sex many 2-3 times a months and it’s our first 8 months together

@disco4535 6 месяцев назад

Umm, why are you doing that with a man that isnt your husband? What a sick, broken world we live in

@StephInOttawa 6 месяцев назад

@@disco4535You weren't alive when that didn't exist.. if it ever didn't exist.

@MAR-bk7nn 6 месяцев назад

@@disco4535because other peoples lives arent anyones business

@chandlerbing9333 6 месяцев назад

@disco4535 Oh please. Not everyone has your view point or religious beliefs. I don’t ever want to get married, so I’m not allowed to have sex my entire adult life? You sound ridiculous. Get over yourself and realize that there are so many people on this earth and they are not all going to feel the way you do.

@sakurisake4201 2 года назад

That is disturbing and gross his father verbally and sexually abused his own son.

@l-train7876 2 года назад

Captain obvious has joined the chat

@ImVeryBrad 2 года назад

Keyboard warrior has joined the chat

@susiesuh1418 7 месяцев назад

Or maybe he made that up to avoid sex with her. I bet he told her she’s the only one he’s confided this to so she’s unable to ask his siblings or his ex wife about it. She’s stuck unless she chooses to leave him. I say, leave.

@Spiritbomb88 7 месяцев назад

@@l-train7876 lmaoooo

@saturdayschild8535 7 месяцев назад

@@susiesuh1418Agreed.

@eurekahope5310 2 года назад

Rejection hurts. We all need to remember this. Wish her the best!

@ElenaSimeonova-qx9sr 5 месяцев назад

I thought my parents were the worst but to abuse sexually Your Own children is unimaginable 😢

@patdaninger3644 2 месяца назад

@snowmiaow Месяц назад

That happened to my friend in HS but I didn't know it at the time. Her mom thought it was normal. He siblings denied it.

@countcoupblessings979 5 месяцев назад

Thats a super valid concern wanting to know how not to trigger Him . Each survivor has a " just dont do this" list . She should ask . Often its not an act so much as a small detail - like dont whisper, or dont grab a their arms etc.

@sl9690 3 месяца назад

THIS^^^^ as a sexual abuse and rape survivor it’s important to really just have clear communication with someone before engaging in intimacy

@kairinaminemix Год назад

Nothing lonelier than being with someone you have no connection with

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

It sounds like they have a connection for sure. They have love and good communication. There are different types of connections. I think connecting on an emotional level is more important and necessary to have before you’re able to connect sexually. So they have half of the equation, they just have to work on the rest. Show me a marriage that’s perfect. These two have a lot more than many.

@videofan1010 8 месяцев назад

Nothing more lonely thank thinking the only way to feel connected to a person is sex 🤷🏾‍♀️

@ashleygrant3131 7 месяцев назад

@@videofan1010I think you’re both right- both are lonely. Maybe combine both of y’all’s thoughts- nothing lonely than feeling so connected emotionally or personality or chemistry-wise with someone on one level, and wanting or needing the physical sexual component and without it, feeling so totally unconnected on another level 😢❤

@Foxie770 6 месяцев назад

Connecting is not only via sex. Intellectual and love are connection too.

@debramason7237 Год назад

. A strong marriage is the foundation of the family. Also, is it possible he has a sex or porn addiction where he is gratifying himself outside the marriage? This can be a problem for sex abuse survivors. Sex/porn addicts are very good at keeping it secret and gaslighting. The spouse often feels unattractive, and they can't put the finger on it or understand what changed. They thought things were perfect, and now this. Also, that may be the very reason he moved away-he can act out with much less chance of being caught AND he doesn't have to "talk about the issues" if he's not there. I just think there is something more going on here, and I think you do, too. Find out now.

@michaelcoletta4547 7 месяцев назад

It's def possible... but I dunno his wife Shae does seem to genuinely love him very much, she is begging for sex don't know many men that would rather masturbate when they have a woman that is so into them. Porn addiction is a monster though, and it can be easy to hide.

@JustActNormal 2 года назад

I think some men suffer from low T and never adress it or think about it. In my late 30s women have hire sex drive while men slow down

@BR-it2qe 5 месяцев назад

Low T is way less prevalent than people believe. The nonsense is mostly pushed by people who want to sell some product to men. Its about 2% of men under 50, and 5% of all men. So youd have to be really unlucky to be one of the 1 in 50 younger men

@BlakeHouse-j3u 5 месяцев назад

After their mid 20's, men's Testosterone levels drop 2% a year . Plus other complicating health issues of blood pressure , heart issues , circulation issues , enlarged prostrate , etc increase with age . Yes , women do maintain peak levels +/- 10 years longer, but then the drop off is steeper . Implied from the ages of the children, the caller would be at least mid 40's , and he's at least the same .

@xdxdxdxd4575 3 месяца назад

Hmmm ... My husband is 45, I am 42. He wants it once a month or less, and I want it 3-4 times/day... We checked the T level, and it is in the normal range, a bit of average. No kiss, no hugs, no intimacy at all...

@Gentilejedi 3 месяца назад

@@xdxdxdxd4575 sounds like an attraction issue. When a partner is not attracted, they lose sexual attraction and don’t want physical contact. Maybe they have attraction to someone else.

@dirtyace1668 2 месяца назад

@@Gentilejediit's not necessarily an issue of attraction and I'm speaking from personal experience. I was also in a situation with my ex wife where over time I simply lost more and more desire to have s*x with her. I also got myself tested for lower testosterone levels but they were within normal range for my age, which is early 40's. However, there was also an ever growing level of stress and anxiety for me due to our living situation and lifestyle, something that simply didn't sit well with me. My stress and anxiety for worse and worse over time and it coincided with me wanting s*x less and less. This eventually led to divorce, however, my libido has completely bounced back since, and it's mainly due to essentially being back in my element in terms of what makes me function the best, as a person. I need lots of exercise and live in conditions that resonate with me. This is exactly what I'm doing now and it honestly makes me feel as if I have been almost reborn. But going back to my ex wife. I never thought of her as less attractive in any way but it's different to actually having a desire to engage in s*x.

@kayjeffs3741 Год назад

Its terrible....but there is a possibility that her husband is struggling with his sexuality...caused by the abuse

@locarobles50 2 года назад

Good for her 👏 just opening up like that is a brave thing to do. I hope all of this works out for both of them.

@jomay4871 4 месяца назад

This caller connected the dots with this call. Just in awe of Dr John.

@nooraoraha9294 2 года назад

She is such a strong woman. To be honest, and I am very selfish for this, I can't handle a person with a past like that. I just cant.

@sharonamadi8656 Год назад

SAME!

@myopiniongoodyouropinionbad 8 месяцев назад

If you can't you can't. Doesn't make you a bad person. I took on way more than I could handle with past relationships and it doesn't do either party any good in the long run. If you have the self awareness to know you can't handle it before hand that's great and you save yourself a lot of trouble.

@g4uzy 6 месяцев назад

its better to acknowledge that when ur outside of it

@DodgaOfficial 5 месяцев назад

I don't think anyone would blame you, but I'd encourage you to look at it less about having a past, and about having an unhealed past. Someone who has healed from it and has largely become a healthy functional person is going to have minimal issues, while someone who hasn't really healed from it much at all is going to have a host of issues. Sometimes a person who was damaged in the best could be the best partner you will ever find, they have so much love to give.

@nooraoraha9294 5 месяцев назад

@@DodgaOfficial That is a fantastic take!!

@kentcampbell122 5 месяцев назад

It was really impressive to see a councillor drill into this person with such precision!

@ineszouabi201 Год назад

You can tell she is a smart lady. She will figure it out!

@mariaarroyos2925 6 месяцев назад

Figure out what?

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

@@Bigguy_33 She has known him since kindergarten. They were friends. Still friends. He is gay.

@kathryna.loreto 5 месяцев назад

O man. She sounds like such a good woman. In her voice

@RachelReaiah 2 года назад

Sexual abuse takes away that choice from the survivor. For us, the act is an ugly thing especially when your touching areas that our abuser touched. Intimacy is difficult for me because I cannot orgasm, sometimes disdain physical touch or displays of affection. That was affecting relationships so I had to choose to be single the past 6 years, no contact, so I can heal. As much as I now desire that companionship/human connection, I dread that if I do find a guy, I may not respond to him. I explained to my daughter last year what happened to me because she's a very affectionate child and couldnt understand why I couldnt hug her and show her that affection. Now, we have worked on it and we're better, she doesn't just touch me, she asks "mommy is it ok for me to have a hug or can I lay next to you?" Sometimes I say yes immediately and sometimes I tell her give me a second just to mentally prepare myself to be touched. Touches make my skin crawl. Something was taken from me at age 6, and that is a pain at 37 I still fight when the memories come but I've learnt to be present with it and cry for that child.

@jones2277 2 года назад

how were you able to have a child?

@RachelReaiah 2 года назад

@@jones2277 because I was labeled as "weird" as a child I never had a consensual act until 19, tried to act normal and I had to force myself to just do it. I took my daughter's father to counseling with me so my therapist could explain to him certain things, when I opened up and explained to him that my skin literally crawls sometimes when he touches me, he got mad and wouldn't go back to the sessions. The attempt was for him to understand what I was dealing with but I think it was too much for him.

@jones2277 2 года назад

@@RachelReaiah it's really messed up that he didn't stick by you.

@RachelReaiah 2 года назад

@@jones2277 I can own my part in the demise of the relationship. Going through that healing phase brought out a lot of anger and resentment that he wasn't responsible for and it was just not good. Facing trauma and healing is hard

@GUITARTIME2024 2 года назад

Raquel, you need to get serious help. I'm very concerned about your child's mental health when she has to ask for a hug abd she sees you clench up. Your problem sounds much bigger than you can handle alone. I hope she has regular contact with her father.

@mirabella2154 2 года назад

After telling the background of her husband's life and herself, I can understand why sex is the last thing on his mind....

@gabrielamartiniuc6322 2 года назад

It’s not the last thing in his mind . You missed the entire message …😊

@mirabella2154 2 года назад

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 Apparently you're the one missing a lot ...

@gabrielamartiniuc6322 2 года назад

@@mirabella2154 they had hot sex when they first met. Explain that….

@gabrielamartiniuc6322 2 года назад

@@mirabella2154 Also, when he motions for sex she starts yo accuse him in her mind that he really doesn’t want it. She’s the problem, not his abuse from childhood. We can’t stay victims our entire lives. If his childhood was truly the issue then he has failed to get help and he’s responsible to GET help!!! Or stay SINGLE!!

@mirabella2154 2 года назад

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 Apart from the fact that you are contradicting yourself, it seems you are projecting. Maybe you should get help yourself before suggesting others to get it.

@rachelgee7894 2 года назад

I have a girl friend who is the higher desire partner because her husband was falsely accused of rape in high school and struggles because of that. It's a huge problem when abuse has an effect.

@gabrielamartiniuc6322 2 года назад

So stay a victim his whole life ? Unbelievable!

@jones2277 2 года назад

he needs therapy or he'll drive his wife away.

@rachelgee7894 2 года назад

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 did I say to stay a victim? I said it causes problems is all. It's valid to have reprocussions from abuse.

@violetl.4615 2 года назад

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 it is very difficult to work through that stuff on your own without professional help And not every one can afford professional help

@gabrielamartiniuc6322 2 года назад

@@rachelgee7894 it’s causing problems because he isn’t getting help . So she will have to suffer . He is putting her through that… what a great guy.

@missaliciaxxxx Год назад

This is the best thing I have ever heard in my life. I’m literally welling up on public transportation because of her story is so relatable

@mariamilusheva8579 Год назад

I don't know how you came to the idea to start a RU-vid channel, but this is genius

@katarina6724 Год назад

I wish we could get an update on this 8 months later lol. I'm so curious, considering the amount of people in sexless marriages.

@thebullgator 6 месяцев назад

Child centered parenting is often an excuse to avoid facing relationship challenges. Regardless of that successful healthy marriages always provide the foundation for healthy successful kids. Focus on God, marriage and kids in that order and everything will work better.

@ElimEx1 4 месяца назад

It's normal. Your kids come first. The only challenge is that it leads to grey divorces because by the time the kids leave the nest, couples have grown apart and it's often not worth reconnecting but a lot easier to start over with zero baggage, zero resentment, etc

@marilyntill9507 2 месяца назад

We are MOMMY! in the end!😂

@vanessajanik4623 Месяц назад

Kudos to this caller for being brave & open. You can tell she loves her husband deeply & wants to work through their issues. She’s willing to humble herself & realize that she has hang ups that may be exacerbating the problem. That’s huge. Great advice from John. It’s so very nuanced. But he’s right modeling a healthy marriage is the best gift you can give to your kids. And absolutely do not push your spouse to give details of their past abuse. Just reassure them that you care & don’t wanna do anything to trigger uncomfortable feelings. The ball is in his court with that. Hope this lady realizes she’s worthy of genuine physical intimacy. And her husband doesn’t need her to be his mother.

@iTzBigbink Год назад

She's been rejected. If not in actuality in her mind, I can relate to this (as a man). You want to believe it's a natural occurrence when/if your less initiating spouse starts it up. But, if you've argued or had issues about it you may go along with it but you'll have a thought of "is this genuine or pity" in the back of your mind.

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

From the other perspective please know that a lot can go into this. Your wife can love you and be attracted to you while still struggling with sex. Our hormones really screw with us. They are constantly changing throughout the month then slap children and menopause into the mix and…it’s a roller coaster! Your side is difficult for SURE but so is it difficult for us to live with or try to explain to our husbands. Then, on top of that, there’s almost always one partner with a higher sex drive (man or woman). What that means (in a way most people don’t think about it) is that that person will always “build up faster”. For me, I try my best to satisfy my husband but it’s hard for him when I don’t have the same passion in the bedroom. The problem is that, in order for me to get there, we’d have to have less sex…which he doesn’t want either lol! It’s not as though I don’t enjoy it or enjoy expressing that intimacy with my husband, it’s just that I’m never at the point that I “need it” because his drive is higher. So it always takes me a bit longer to get into it. I don’t throw myself at him but do try to initiate sometimes because I do want him to feel desirable. This is just one perspective though and every relationship is different. I just wrote all of that in the off chance it might help you in some small way. It’s not always because the person doesn’t love you or find you attractive and desirable. It isn’t pity. I don’t “pity” my husband, not at all. I want to satisfy him because I love him. I understand that we’re different and want for us both to be happy in the relationship. You telling yourself that is your own inner dialogue and it’s not helping you and very likely not what your partner is feeling at all. Be kinder to yourself maybe? She’s with you for a reason.

@Yuv3892 7 месяцев назад

@@supernova11711That's a very mature take on this! Even though you and your husband don't have equal sex drive, he is lucky to have you.

@filipefigueiredo9847 6 месяцев назад

@@supernova11711 most rational and reasonable comment I've read in this channel so far Hope both you and your husband are going strong

@theprodigalson4003 5 месяцев назад

Literally. My ex only ever initated a handful of times. Pretty sure the pill is the only reason she ever expressed she loved me

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

@@theprodigalson4003 So, another gay person. Lesbian? I noticed, EX. I am almost 80. I learned a lot the hard way. Therapists can't help. I am a woman.

@robinjaime Год назад

Dr. John!!! You have given me such a cathartic realization. This was truly beautiful. You have such a beautiful, soft & gentle way of ‘breaking the news’ to the caller. Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@kitkat3155 Год назад

Coming from someone who didn’t have a mother figure, it’s very hard to embrace your femininity when you don’t have that. Especially during puberty. I could relate to her feeling like a man, she was basically only raised by her father. ❤

@monkeybanana9269 7 месяцев назад

He must be a terrific father if she grew up thinking her childhood was great.

@katella 4 месяца назад

@@monkeybanana9269or this is the story that was to presented to the public. The mask

@millsykooksy4863 8 месяцев назад

God this is so incredibly sad. I feel for her and her hubby.

@tinam761 2 года назад

PLANNING INTIMACY…. Let me tell you… it is a fire 🔥 builder!!! People that complain about it … need to practice more. It’s incredibly desire building, to discuss… and plan … and get excited that THE moment is going to happen soon! If you have trouble with putting on the calendar because “it’s boring” … work a little bit more on your creativity… boring people are boring… if you don’t know what to do … learn … you can learn a lot just by calling or texting about the upcoming time. I’m constantly wondering why anyone says planning is boring… you’re building a 🔥 fire and dang it can be unbelievably hot! I’m almost 54. I’ve been through a thing or two … plan intimacy… when your friends say it’s boring… tell them “what?!?!!! “ because you are creative enough… and can live in the excitement of planning before it happens… and when it happens… may not go as planned! And sometimes for the better!!! It’s an opening for creativity… people who only go on spontaneity… are at the core … Not that spontaneous… Much love … plan it with your partner… your relationship deserves it and so do you! ❤

@nicvic1717 2 года назад

This call really resonated with me. Many similarities. Perhaps that’s why God only gave us sons and no daughters, even though I desperately wanted at least one daughter. 13 years with my husband and 8 years into marriage, and I’ve come to the conclusion that 1) men don’t change, so don’t even try, and 2) marriage without satisfying sex is actually the norm. I too wanted a fantastic sex life in my marriage, but I’m coming to the realization that some marriages just never have that. Still, for me, I honor my marriage vows and don’t think sex is worth divorcing over. “For better or for worse”… this is the “worse”.

@hanyuuchama93 2 года назад

Don't know if you want suggestions. If not, please ignore me. But I would really recommend listening to the Bare Marriage podcast if you haven't already. It's a Christian marriage and sex podcast that changed my life. It breaks down so many things that I'd never thought about how men and women are taught about sex.

@nicvic1717 2 года назад

@@hanyuuchama93 thanks. I know all about Sheila. Her platform helped me a lot when we were going through some of our worst struggles several years ago (though I really don’t agree with the tone her platform has taken in recent years. Very divisive and argumentative imo). The issues we have are gridlock issues unfortunately. I think I’m finally at a place of acceptance on that. It took me 8 years to stop fighting it/stop trying to change him and help him improve; self-improvement needs to come from within, not from a spouse.

@jacada4891 2 года назад

Get out!! U should have long long ago. This is it babe. Go be happy with a man that desires you as well as loves you

@rachelgooden9981 2 года назад

@@nicvic1717 but you deserve to be happy ☹️

@nicvic1717 2 года назад

@@rachelgooden9981 Do I? Is being happy what marriage is all about? In my experience, it’s not. I honestly don’t think I’d find another man out there who’d make me “happier”. Sure, I may be more physically attracted to him and sure he might pay more attention to me. But like my current marriage, his attitude towards me would eventually change too. All relationships do. I’m not going to break my family up and leave a decent-enough husband over the possibility that there’s someone else out there who’s better for me. “The grass is greener where it’s watered” is a true statement. Unfortunately, that phrase doesn’t convey how both spouses need to work on “watering” their “lawn”. If one spouse is slacking, I honestly don’t believe that’s reason enough for the other spouse to get up and leave. I believe that’s where - in a Christian marriage - the spouse relentlessly lifts up their spouse in prayer, while simultaneously trying to create a life and an identity for themselves separate from their spouse. That’s what I’m working on currently.

@paulam408 Год назад

Dr. John is amazing in navigating these tough questions & scenarios. I can learn a lot from others' struggles even when it doesn't apply to me. Bottom line, sexual abuse/physical or otherwise messes someone up for a lifetime. I even think that therapy cannot totally get rid of the deep wounds inflicted by others as a child. It is a very hard road to go with that kind of past.

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

Therapy doesn’t get rid of anything. It gives people coping mechanisms and strategies to process and divert your thoughts but nothing can take something like that away. It can help but it’s a LOT of work also.

@katella 4 месяца назад

Please don't push forward the idea that those of us who were used as a sexual device by our narcissistic parents are damaged goods best left alone. How cruel are you? We deserve love, loving touch, orgasm like every other human being.

@1lespaulfreak 2 года назад

Her husband is an avoidant, and she was drawn to his avoiding because she is the rescuing-mother role. Avoidants are great servants, horrible husbands/wives. The closer he gets to someone, the more likely he’ll get betrayed & deeply hurt again. He avoids so he doesn’t get hurt. She sees a hurt boy inside the body of a man, and wants to rescue him, he accepts the help, but refuses to give the deepest part of himself, which is why she wants to rescue him.

@coconutwater4531 2 года назад

Given this information , how on earth do avoidants even wind up in marriages??

@dr.jenniferma3914 2 года назад

@@coconutwater4531 Because they want to be chased.

@staleydu1 2 года назад

I’m an avoidant. I have learned and still learn everyday to be present, intentional available. Quite frankly, your stereotypes suck.

@sabrinafrederick4141 2 года назад

I’m an incest survivor and after many years of therapy, it is a lifelong struggle. This poor guy needs correct therapy for this type of abuse.

@mooneyes2833 2 года назад

My go to coping is avoiding...agoraphobia bring my biggest issue, I am not a horrible wife or mother... I am also no servant...😒

@rob1016ny Месяц назад

Good sex will keep 2 people who don’t like each other together. Bad sex will break up a loving couple.

@StefaanDik 26 дней назад

Unfortunately thats the truth!

@actiondefence Год назад

Wow, Dr John you absolutely nailed it here. Was fascinating and fantastic to actually witness this breakthrough as you helped this woman achieve it.

@zitroanor 2 года назад

I'm curious how the first wife handled this 🤔 this isn't his first rodeo.

@Reshme77 2 года назад

That's probably why she is an X for a reaso

@dr.jenniferma3914 2 года назад

It ended for a reason.

@rachelgooden9981 2 года назад

I wondered same

@mattzetts6501 Год назад

probably handled it with a divorce

@bettersecret1499 4 месяца назад

Listen they had three kids and I doubt they did it on the first try so I am pretty sure the problem is more in her mind than his

@kyrieteleison3009 2 года назад

This is a complex issue. I appreciate Dr. John's advice!!

@susiesuh1418 7 месяцев назад

If she’s known him since kindergarten then she must know his siblings. Does she ever see his side of the family? I’m wondering whether he made up his story so he can avoid sex with her and is indeed a bisexual/gay and has someone else “5 hours away” from her.

@nleem3361 2 года назад

Loved the end of the call where Dr John reminded her she is worth being loved. I was a parent to my mom too. And, molested by a teenage babysitter and hid it to keep from hurting my mom... it's been a wild ride. I'm single and dating in my 40's. It's hard. I keep wanting to latch onto people who can't really be there for me... I'm glad I have good friends to help me analyze and stop wasting time in unfulfilling relationships. I do love the envelope idea. I hope they try it.

@kellharris2491 Год назад

You should try therapy. That sounds hard.

@supernova11711 8 месяцев назад

There’s another side to that coin you haven’t even discovered yet. So we go for people that can’t or won’t love us back because that’s what we’ve learned love is. But once you DO find someone that DOES…you struggle to stay interested! We’re trained to always be chasing something we can’t have but then when we get it, it looses its shine and we have no idea what to even do with it anymore. I’m telling you this because it’s good to be aware of it. All relationships have ebb and flow but you’re probably going to experience this at some point. Pick a good one, make a commitment and stick it out. You’ll figure it out. I’m married now to a wonderful man who I very much love but I had to push through that phase. I recognized it for what it was and refused to let my trauma continue running my life. Best wishes to you.

@andreawannop8670 2 года назад

Sorry...sometimes we are too generous....trying to "save" and feel sorry for a "victim" and putting all our energy into others, completely neglecting our own needs. This woman is in pain and making excuses. This is a dysfunctional marriage given that they live apart and have always had sexual issues. I do not believe this is a "happy"marriage except for the sex. She has wishful thinking of a happy marriage with an emotionally dysfunctional partner. I have lived in a sexless marriage and the amount of pain and lack of confidence it caused me cannot be explained. Start to see the toxicity in this relationship and start to think of your own needs, not his,despite his childhood abuse. It's not your job to save him

@vaska1999 4 месяца назад

They had no sexual issues in the beginning. He's there only 4-5 days a month and isn't interested. I think he may be cheating.

@demgphix 4 месяца назад

Its wild that I can actually relate to this experience. When I found out my ex (in relationship at that time) had childhood trauma, I felt the need to distance myself from her for a time (physicaly, not emotionall). I actually felt guilty seeing her in a sexual way given what she had gone through. I don't think its bad to be empathetic towards your partner, but we still have to listen to how they actually feel, rather than trying to read more into it.

@tacooflove6175 2 года назад

I feel for this women, this is so heart breaking.

@Keepinitreal55 2 месяца назад

Same, although I can’t relate, can’t get my husband off me. But I can hear her pain and can see how any woman would feel so rejected in her place

@stevenphillippe81 Год назад

I can’t speak on the sexual abuse part so excluding that part, as the man in the relationship if you know your wife has high desire for sex, you have to go out of your way as the man to go get help from a professional that gets you all the help you need in order to mentally and physically have great sex. Just that simple, most men who have bad sex never go out of there way to figure out how to get better. You got to make the effort to go get help. Don’t be that guy who just sits there an accepts it. I don’t tolerate bad sex on my part. I always make sure I’m prepared mentally and physically to make sure I’m performing at the highest level. But again can’t speak on the abuse side of things because I’ve never experienced something like that.

@michaelcoletta4547 7 месяцев назад

Nicely put

@johneng8060 5 месяцев назад

🎉

@lindajackson2382 7 месяцев назад

Why hasn't your husband & his siblings ever had COUNSELING for the sexual molestation that happened to them?????? Did they go to the police to charge and prosecute their monster father?

@veniezerski3243 Год назад

sexless marriages are not fixable. Nice try. but it is what it is.

@brightpage1020 Год назад

Whaaaoohow - Deloney - playing the long game of patience for the win 🥇 🏆 here. Way to find the stud before you hit the nail. Nice work.

@Lovebuzz11-11 5 месяцев назад

totally beautiful example of how our own unhealed wounds prevent us from experiencing a deeper love for each other!

@sassy1799 2 месяца назад

She's living my life from 30 years ago. I wish Dr. Delony then...or someone like him? I loved my husband dearly, but he shut down on me & shut me out. And no woman enjoys always having to be the initiator - just as I'm sure men enjoy not always having to be the initiator. I hope & pray that these two found a way to push thru this. My heart just aches for her.😢

@audreym3777 Год назад

As someone who wasted 9 years with someone who had ZERO interest in sex, or even physical touch, it’s effin HELL and kills your confidence as a woman. That’s what she called about..and half way in to this it hasn’t been addressed. Geeesh..:

@clovemartin Год назад

She's in denial. He is not attracted to her.

@floresmusic2 Год назад

I see your point about how this can affect the confidence level. However, I will say that there is simply too much that could be covered here that would not fit within 27 minutes. This requires some continual counseling.

@chris-gx7rs Год назад

When men want sex you women complain

@KikiNation1 Год назад

Happens to men too. My marriage is proof of that.

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

Audrey; He is gay. We had therapy, single, together, exercises, bla bla. Tapes to listen to, mantras to say. EXHAUSTING.

@Mila808g 7 месяцев назад

"Everything makes me awkward!" *awkward clap / hand drop* ... Yeaaah, yeah okay buddy I see it now. You're not wrong 🤣

@elyse443 10 месяцев назад

I feel bad for her. I’m hoping they can resolve this and their marriage can be great in that department.

@jboughtin7522 8 месяцев назад

I get the feeling there is whole additional aspect to their relationship that we are not hearing about here. The fact that he only visits her 4-5 days out of a month and has no sexual interest in her is a massive red flag.

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

Yes. Gay. I learned the hard way. lol

@debralondon2402 3 месяца назад

Yes

@anniegarnett 4 месяца назад

As a newly married woman who struggles with the same thoughts, this episode helped me as well!

@JeanValjean875 Год назад

My question is how did this issue not come up before they got married?

@kaysense6136 Год назад

Exactly

@floresmusic2 Год назад

Probably because statistically people who have gone through this level of trauma rarely talk about it due to shame, fear, remorse, contempt, and so much more. Sometimes they will never talk about it and sometimes they’ll open up about it much later in life when they realize they can’t keep it in anymore.

@rushiasingsfasola Год назад

Because a lot of the folks who are teaching Bible say that you should NOT have sex before marriage (so it's a little harder to predict the ins and outs afterwards) BUT ALSO teach that good sex is the reward of being abstinent. Marriage fixes worries about sex! Totally not real, but that's what they have been sellin' for a while

@Amaryllis-4U 11 месяцев назад

@@floresmusic2especially if it’s a male that experienced the trauma. Men are taught to be tough and not be emotional. Women are allowed to be vulnerable and cry if they need to. Because of this, women likely have an easier time opening up about such trauma than men do.

@hllymchll 6 месяцев назад

he asked if it was always this way and she said no. you may have missed that. it only changed once he opened up to her more. plus older people who get married after middle age usually don't wait very long to marry after dating so it could've been only a few months in that this changed

@mamadoom9724 15 дней назад

Ugh I had to twist my ex husbands arm to get him to sleep with me and he never initiated once in six years. And I was 19 and gorgeous when we got together. I got hit on by everyone except my own husband 🤦🏻‍♀️ If I brought it up he’d say weird things like “sex is trashy” or “sex is for poor people with nothing better to do.” And then he had the audacity to tell me his mother wasn’t happy with me because I hadn’t given her a grandchild. It’s a big problem. We all want to be desired and have a physical connection with our spouse. Luckily my husband now can’t keep his hands off me. My advice to her is to leave because it will never change and a sexless marriage is basically the same as friend zoning your own spouse!

@DedeMattix 7 месяцев назад

Dr. John, bless you a hundred-fold for your patience and wisdom on this call. You touched way more lives than you think.

@ts8024 5 месяцев назад

Dr. John did a great job of advising this woman, and she did a great job of articulating her concerns and digesting John's feedback. This was a very productive call, and I hope that translates to her relationship and sex life with her husband.

@danilaroche1156 Год назад

She's really hurting. I feel for her. I really think this is an attack from the enemy, the devil. She's devastated because she loves him. She's devastated because it's triggering old childhood wounds.

@BenjaminARosso Год назад

This sounds like my first marriage. My ex-wife didn't enjoy sex with me, it turned out she was a lesbian.

@judyperri9496 6 месяцев назад

What does that have to do with this situation

@vaska1999 4 месяца назад

@@judyperri9496 People who've been sexually abused as children by members of the same sex frequently have ambivalent sexual orientation. This guy may be struggling with homosexual tendencies he's used his two marriages to hide behind, to shield himself from.

@kimberlyaddis6194 2 года назад

But, what if your husband could care less if sex happens more than 2 x a month and he doesn't have a past full of trauma? It's difficult! Your mind goes nuts!

@nicvic1717 2 года назад

That’s my marriage too. We usually have sex once a month. September it was zero times. My husband is obese and knows I find his fat disgusting and interpret it as a visible sign of his disrespect and lack of care for me and my preferences and feelings. So I know that’s why we don’t have sex much. He seems to prefer porn, anyway, compared to bettering himself and showing up as a mature, competent adult in our relationship anyway. I used to not like his porn habit. Now I’m apathetic. I’m apathetic to it all. 😔 It’s sad because I saw so much potential in him when we married in our early 20s. That’s the downside of getting married young: you’re taking a gamble on whether or not your mate will make the most of who they could be. Professionally he’s doing great. But relationally/interpersonally, I know I could’ve done better. Too late now.

@jeromehenry4484 2 года назад

Unless the man has been diagnosed with low testosterone, then he IS getting sex/affection from a source other than wife. He only has sex twice a month with wife because he knows that is sufficient to keep her on a string, she will accept the bare minimum from him, she will not file for divorce. He wants to avoid divorce because it is costly, it's financially cheaper to keep his current wife. It's possible he likes his wife because they have more of a buddy relationship versus romantic/sexual relationship. He knows the people he picks for sex are ONLY for sex, there is no expectation on either side for anything more than a quickie. Get him tested first to confirm/eliminate low testosterone. If that is not the problem, then it's time to have a hard conversation with spouse to see if there is infidelity (most likely on a man's side). Wife needs to consider what type of marriage she wants at this point in her life. It might be best to stay married but not for romantic/sexual reasons. Might want to consider an open marriage or just divorce. Do not let friends and other family members chime in on your final decision because you (and any children you might have) will be the ones living with the consequences.

@brendakrause5639 2 года назад

No sex before wedding and wedding night. He denies trauma. I am confused if he even likes a woman's body.

@jeromehenry4484 2 года назад

@@brendakrause5639 At what ages did you two get married? Are either of you two religious, what denomination? Did either of you two have a prior marriage?

@jeromehenry4484 2 года назад

@@nicvic1717 "Professionally he's doing great." This aspect is No. 1 for majority of men, marital relations are a distant 2nd. Respect is No. 1, love is No. 2. Until he runs into a health crisis, like a heart attack or stroke, it is easy to dismiss health & appearances. Men understand it is a coin toss if there will be a divorce. I don't believe he is purposely obese just to disrespect you (arguing is easier/common place). He is already getting his sexual needs met with porn (according to you). Not knowing how many pounds is "obese" it's still possible for a very successful man to snag an attractive, attentive female that would like to move up economically. Your anger is not working for you. Put aside what you envisioned your marriage would be when you were in your early 20's, focus on what you want from your marriage today. Can you live with an open marriage, or is divorce more your style? It sounds like you do not want to give up the lifestyle his career provides. Not sure what your age is or if you have children, understand most men in their late 30's and over are not interested in caring for other men's children or women over 35 YO. If you prefer to stay married, then husband needs to get a full medical examination to diagnose/rule out any conditions that might make weight loss more difficult. Use subtlety instead of nagging to gently nudge him into weight loss, like prepping healthy meals for him.

@neechee5150 4 месяца назад

Dr John you need to call her out for selling that sexist BS line. "there seems to be something uniquely cruel about a woman not getting any [sex from her husband] There is nothing uniquely cruel about it as women are every bit as cruel when they deny their husbands sex and he does not get any sex from his wife for years and years on end. You have to call women out for this sexism.

@MSHoneybee210 4 месяца назад

Maybe it was extreme of her but in her experiences she hears other women getting pawed at by their husbands and it stings her thinking that’s how it is for every woman

@kw3113 2 года назад

Sad but she will never get from him what she says she needs. He needs serious counseling and still will probably never be what she wants. And here is the part that sucks the most. As aging happens he will lose testosterone and hence more desire. Then he’ll get angry. Look now he already has left her (I know to say it’s for a daughter who is by the way an Adult). He’s a mess and she cannot fix it.

@dr.jenniferma3914 2 года назад

I do believe he left her. He wanted to be free from the pressure without the facing the consequences of actually leaving his wife.

@sarahendricks4871 2 года назад

Not an adult, a senior in high school. Still a dependent and not legally defined as an adult until age 18.

@kw3113 2 года назад

@@sarahendricks4871 I understand that. My point, if a senior can’t live without a parent how on earth do you send them to college? He (her father) will be packing her up and moving her back home with him in either case this marriage is not healthy.

@dr.jenniferma3914 2 года назад

Yes this was what John should've said. This is the truth.

@hyrunnisa997 2 года назад

If he reaches for her he wants her. She needs to process her own trauma and get out of her head.

@lisamccall4960 2 года назад

Shae... it's never going to be normal... ever. You have to decide if you can live with it as-is. I've experienced the same for 10 years.... and then found out he was also cheating on me with men our entire marriage. I am now divorced 4 years... and I no longer ever want to get remarried because I don't want to have to deal with anyone else's broken places ever again. If you don't think this will affect YOU long-term in the future... you are fooling yourself.

@ThingsILove2266 Год назад

I think we found the hidden problem- other men?

@danilaroche1156 Год назад

My feeling is he's cheating .

@jennifervandenberg2455 Год назад

Do you think your ex was using you to cover up being gay? How was the other parts of your marriage?

@shalalala868 6 месяцев назад

Yup! Same; both his besties that he spent a lot of time with struggled with their sexuality; one never even had a gf despite being close to 50. Treated me like an enemy and would call our pastor up and lie and say we were fornicating when we were courting...if we had fornicated, I would have never married him bc he was terrible in the sack and never cared to improve. It was hell and I'd constantly get BV and we would go months and months without sex and he'd find the smallest excuses to wiggle his way out of it. Hid so many things from me like medical conditions. He was also a covert narc and the abuse eventually became physical so I dipped.

@Jimjam482 4 месяца назад

@@shalalala868 your body was rejecting his bad juju no wonder you were getting BV bad alignment plus don’t let jizz it’s bad for the Fefe any Dr will tell you that

@chewielewie6564 5 месяцев назад

How waa he able have sex with you in the beginning of your relationship with all that past trauma? Now your married and the past is now preventing him from having sex. Unfortunate for her its not his past thats the issue its the present.

@amythinks Год назад

John gets the crown for king of analogies.

@growing.grounds4054 5 месяцев назад

I was SA as a 7 yr old repeatedly from my brother and it has cause me to have an insane sexual appetite which ironically helps because I’m with a girl who completely matches that. And I’ve shared my trauma with her

@christinamartinez8132 5 месяцев назад

I hope Shae calls back so we can hear our their relationship is going. I pray he can work through his abuse and heal. ❤🙏🕊️

@alxh3727 5 месяцев назад

I'm a woman in a very similar situation (minus the SA). The anxiety, the self doubt, the slow destruction of confidence on my side, feeling like a gross man... oof

@shawnaaustin3396 5 месяцев назад

He is a porn addict, full stop. I’ve seen it a million times. He prefers porn and masterbation to sex with a human.

@littleme3597 4 месяца назад

I did it for 5 years. He is gay.

@KittyClark4433 2 года назад

My heart aches for them both. Both need self compassion, compassion for each other & help. Way easier said than done I know.

@kylemedeiros6907 2 года назад

Clearly people comment without listening to the whole thing. Don’t read the comments haha.

@oregoncoastmama3004 Год назад

I think you missed the part about her saying he has said he has No Desire at all. I think he probably has as much of a "hang up" with his past as she does?🤔unless i heard that part wrong? I need to play back.

@mary_syl 6 месяцев назад

Where there's a will, there's a way. Where there's genuine mutual love, you will find the way.

@notshadd7357 2 года назад

I’ve never understood why sex is a priority for people in marriage…like sex is great don’t get me wrong. But it’s a pretty overrated part of relationships….it’s the companionship that’s overlooked

@lukebarrett2317 2 года назад

There are prayers for fixing divorce and broken marriages. Although me and my wife are now back together and our love is even stronger. And I could give the prayers to anyone here who wants it.

@kellharris2491 Год назад

Because people have needs. The sex is about connection too.

@kayjeffs3741 Год назад

Sex creates a bond that friendship cannot create.

@Nature-ep5cu Год назад

Then be single if sex is overrated in marriage. Even the Bible says it's better to be single but if you and your partner want sexual intimacy then stay married.

@notshadd7357 Год назад

@@Nature-ep5cu I’m married lol…have plenty of sex…I’m just sayin it’s not the MAIN thing about a healthy relationship….communication is

@gabzsy4924 5 месяцев назад

This episode and call was kind of poetic. Amazing.

@Cesar-pq2ck Год назад

Great job, Delony!! The call was about the husband but you turned it around and found the problem!

@Nson-ro 5 месяцев назад

What a great clip. So much personality and connection here

@DandyLion.Wishes Год назад

I wonder what the husband's daughter is going to pull to get daddy back when the 200+ days are up.

@fallon7616 Год назад

Agree 💯👍

@RepentImmediately 11 месяцев назад

So you think he was right to abandon his daughter in order to move in with a woman and her children?

@Soul_of_Radiance 5 месяцев назад

If it was hot and heavy in the beginning I would say it could be low T. I turned 40 years old and my testosterone significantly dropped. It’s just something that happens in men. Medication helps a lot but it will never be spontaneous again like it used to be.

@vaska1999 4 месяца назад

Or he's cheating on her. He's there only 4-5 days a month and isn't interested? Although sex was great in the beginning?

@Soul_of_Radiance 4 месяца назад

@@vaska1999 a man’s T levels can crash suddenly. I don’t get any spontaneous erections anymore at all if im off my medication. Just is what it is. I’m not sure accusing someone of cheating based only on that is fair until more is ruled out

@vaska1999 4 месяца назад

@@Soul_of_Radiance Neither possibility can be excluded.

@isabeltaylor877 2 года назад

Could be he has a gf in the other state or a P addiction… she talks like she know for a fact that they’re made for each other and she’s the perfect girl for him. She sounds like she has him all figured out but he could be falling out of love.

@linanguyen1476 День назад

My opinion is he is not attracted to her. He fathered 3 kids so sex wasn't a problem.. he maybe likes her for emotional support but is no spark. When a guy likes you is not enought time for them being grabbing all your body parts all the time . Sorry for her. She picked the broken man willing to fix him and nope, men are no projects. Leave them alone. Get the finished one.

@steelcity4581 Год назад

Abuse aside, sexual compatibility in any realationship is important both my wife and I have fairly low sex drives and we are only 28 yet only have sex about once a month at most and are very happy with that. That would drive someone else crazy

@steelcity4581 Год назад

We do however cuddle every night etc etc

@emilyprovance7413 Год назад

Exactly compatibility is key.

@countcoupblessings979 5 месяцев назад

She could definitely be reacting to his heightened unspoken issue. Many a woman feels & reacts to, or from the emotional upset of the partner , wether they know it or not.

@Zybewinzit 8 месяцев назад

What a thoughtful and smart girl. I have one of those and she has helped me through countless things, so I believe you can do it.

@rachelmaddowswife8713 17 дней назад

I wonder if this guy is messed up on two levels, one is obviously the trauma he endured, but the other is that he learned to associate male sexuality with abuse. So as the male in the relationship, he's terrified of BECOMING that monster. He doesn't want to initiate because he doesn't want to come anywhere close to being dominating and risk hurting someone the way he was hurt. Gosh, what a complicated situation.

@chriscampbell6272 2 месяца назад

Coming from someone who was brutally molested from a very young age and for years I have the opposite problem. I LOVE sex. However, I do get triggered and my sex drive will demininsh instantly and for a long time. Considering it was hot and heavy in the beginning and then stopped maybe something triggered him. I would consider therapy from him, you, and as a couple.

@snowcone393 5 месяцев назад

“Come as you are” is targeted to low libido women. As a high libido woman, reading that book just doesn’t resonate. The experience she mentions are just so drastically different than my lived experiences, that it’s not helpful.

@oana-mariauliu5828 4 месяца назад

You never know. I used to have a high libido when I was young. In my late teens, in my twenties, in my thirties... Now... I'll be 46 next month and I must say my libido has dropped - close to 0. I'm not menopausal yet, but there have been changes in my body. Unexpectedly enough, my boyfriend has experienced a low libido for the last couple of years, too. So our relationship is based on mutual affection rather than sex at this point. It would be awkward and challenging if there were a sudden change and one of us started craving sex again and the other didn't. So I understand the people complaining of this particular phenomenon. The good thing - in our case - is that I won't shy away from discussing such issues with my boyfriend.

@Ali-sm2wg Месяц назад

I love the way she talks. Less about feelings and vague details and more about facts, no beating around the bush, just accurate, concise information delivered effectively and as direct as possible. Truly refreshing.

@karolkozak64 4 месяца назад

What an awesome courageous caring woman. She's truly a blessing to him.

@KimberlyNewbold-g4k 6 месяцев назад

he is broken and he haven't heal from his past.... sad but serious ....... I pray that God give her ..... her desire.

@pamforrester844 6 месяцев назад

Ok, my pet peeve, this is one very smart, diverse, thoughtful community, why do some people today say " women" which is plural when talking about a single female " woman? Ive been hearing and seeing this alot, anyway, best wishes to her and stay strong

@katella 4 месяца назад

Having trouble with empathy Pam?

@pamforrester844 4 месяца назад

@@katella thank you so much for replying, I can certainly understand not being a word slave but the older I get the more words mean, I always find it odd mostly people get man is single and men are plural but don't get that woman is single and women is plural, seems almost dismissive. I have dedicated my life's work to the service of others and I ask the universe to allow me to continue as I believe we must do better for a world we must all live in. Again, best wishes and thank you for taking time to reply