MY HUSBAND'S CANCER JOURNEY: The story of how he died and my anticipatory grief pt1| One Happy Widow 

Oh, that was quick. I'm so sorry... #widfam

Yes, she definitely loved her son! #widfam

Wow! Not meaning to add to her grief but why wasn’t she able to join him for at least one of the treatments? It’s always important to have your loved ones at these sessions...

YEAH I WAS ALSO WONDERING THE SAME THING ON WHY SHE DIDN'T GO AT LEAST ONE TIME WITH HER HUSBAND??? IM SURE HER MOTHER IN LAW WOULD OF WATCHED THE CHILDREN

He only had 3-4 treatments...and I worked full time, so I was saving my off days to use them at the end.

This was by his request, also. He didnt' want me to waste my off time sitting with him in a room, when his mom could sit with him instead. It was not that I didn't care.

That was my husband’s diagnosis too. We were told he probably had 3 years but he died in 3 months. It’s such a challenging journey. I understand your pain. You’re in my prayers.

So sorry itll get easier to get up in morning i dont think the pain or grief really dissipates its 5 yrs for me n still not

I totally agree! #widfam

I so wanted for time to stop goes by. The desperation. Beyond any words. 16 months since and it's getting worse. He was my everything. I think only of him every second. You don't recover. Ever. That's love. I can't stand this world without him in it. I can't bear he is dead. I wish it was me. I don't sleep much but lately I realized that the only good time I have is when I succeed to sleep. No pain there. everything else is nothing. Meaningless.

​@@sandramessenger2044i agree, after 3 and 1/2 years, my tears are not drying up.

Oh, how sad that your husband felt that he was forgotten even before he died. But I know that's pretty much what happens. People dont' want to handle the pain, so they just ignore it...and we don't have a choice but to live through it. My coworkers would ask about Dewey, but since he was always worse every day, the prognosis was never good, so they eventually stopped asking. WHen they asked me "how's your husband?" I just wanted to respond with "he's dying, what do you think?: but I never did. They just didn't know what else to say... #widfam

I’ve got cancer and I hear from very few what I thought were friends Although I do have one good friend who talks to me every day on the phone I guess people can’t handle it

It's a tough transition, lots of conflicting feelings to handle! #widfam

Beautiful sentiment! I'm so sorry that you share this experience with so many of us here! #widfam

L

My hubby died the same way, esophageal cancer that had spread. He suffered so much it was awful. Our only child is autistic and seeing his dad suffer like that-he is still messed up. Maybe if it was instant like a car accident it would be easier to get over it. The memories of his suffering are relentless. I am sorry for your loss. Cancer seems to come for everyone. I hate it.

This was so beautifully put that I just wanted to say thank you for sharing it. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I pray you continue on the road of healing. Sending ❤️

This made me cry just reading this.

Prayers to you, as our paths sound similar! #widfam. Feel free to join our FB group: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

Yes, we all cried so much for him as well. Thanks for watching! #widfam

judy. i was crying for him as well. sorry but his wife comes across as cold

His mom drove 2 hours to take him to the ER while you went back to bed. Wowwy

This gave me flashbacks of my ex-husband not being there for me in situations. I'd become extremely depressed after thyroid cancer due to unbalanced hormones, unhappiness, isolation, general illness and my life in upheaval. I ended up "taking too many" Benadryl. My mother followed the ambulance to the ER while he stayed home. As I was having my stomach pumped, my husband tucked himself into bed and went to sleep. I'd never done anything like this before in my life, so it was completely out of character. Yes, I did get the help I needed, but that's another story.

Watch my latest video, where I read a diary entry written by our daughter. She shares her feelings about losing her dad, you may be able to relate. Thanks for watching.

Thanks for watching #widfam

Linda, he was lucky to have you there to care for him. I'm sorry for your loss! #widfam

🙏🙏🙏✝️✝️✝️❤️

Praying for God's protection over you! #widfam

Prayers for you and prayers for another treatment is successful xox

Praying for you both!

He’s lucky to have you!

I can relate to all of this! And Dewey is such a unique name, strange to meet someone who shares it! I never liked calling him that, though...I just called him Daddy with the rest of the kids, lol. #widfam

So sorry for your loss

We felt cheated as well...and thought we had more time! #widfam

Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me feel like I am not a monster for not wanting to haul my husband to the er on a Wednesday night with 3 sleepy children in tow for a bout of “indigestion”. Hindsight is 20/20!

Thank you for sharing your touching story. He was lucky to have you as his caregiver #widfam

Thanks for watching! #widfam

Thank you, and God bless! #widfam

I’m so sorry…feel free to join our FB group for more support at www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

The more people I hear about with this, the more I realize that the 6-12 month timeline is horse shit. No one with this type of cancer seems to make it more than a few months! #widfam

Thanks for watching

I’m so sorry #widfam

Some people deny it, but I can tell you it’s REAL! #widfam

@@OneHappyWidow 100% agree !

@@OneHappyWidow Trust me it is real. My husband had NHL and prostate cancer since 2007. It took him away from me one week and a half ago. My face took the brunt of it all. I have so many wrinkles from worry. I loved my big guy, still do. His face looked good and mine looks like a raisin. Him being so sick for so long was a true labor of love and I wouldn't change it for a million dollars. ((HUGS)) to you. I really needed to see this video, it helps me understand you better and I know I am not alone. The Onc back in 2007 gave him around18 months after chemo..He had a long 18 months and we saturated each other with love all these years.

Same to you! #widfam

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, as your wife as well. #widfam

My husband was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer but after he died oncologist said he actually had bile duct cancer. He lived 5 months after he was diagnosed. I am sorry for your loss also

@@tcoca2702 I’m sorry for your loss. I believe the 2 cancers are very similar. My ❤️ died just weeks after his 61st birthday.

I hope I didn’t alarm anyone…it is just harder to take someone seriously when they tend to complain about every ailment. I have a child who does it too, and when she’s really sick, it takes a little longer to figure it out because I can’t run her to the doctor every time she has an ailment, or we’d be there 3-5 times a week!

I’m so sorry…I remember those days, you feel Like you are in a fog. And no matter how much you think you are ready, you can’t be because you can’t relate to it until you are doing it. I felt like I was watching my life in a movie. Not really living it, but watching someone else’s life. Just say the things you need to say while you can. And don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Remember, the wife has final day, and people might try to guilt you, but stick to your guns. You’ll be glad you did later on. Prayers to you and your husband that his transition is peaceful and that he is pain free. #widfam

Amen, he sure was!

Thanks for watching! #widfam

I'm sorry for your loss as well. God bless... #widfam

I’m so sorry my friend. Prayers to you!

Thanks for watching! #widfam

Thanks for your feedback.

That's a complicated situation. We have had several subscribers dealing with the death of an ex-spouse and it is tough to explain the grief to those around them who don't understand it! #widfam

Thankyou

He was young and healthy, but never angry at the Lord...he remained faithful and thankful for his blessings until the day he died! #widfam

I'm so sorry...reach out if you ever need to! #widfam

Thank you for watching! #widfam

@@OneHappyWidow ofcourse dear. Thank you for sharing. God bless you all.

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

I didn’t know for sure, but when we spoke to him, his breath got heavier and sometimes he would utter a slight moan...hard to describe, but his eye movement and breathing changes made me believe he could hear. And if not, I told the kids anyway so they could say what they needed to say and fell like he was listening. I could have been wrong, but I was trying to comfort everyone at that moment. And if he DID hear us, I wanted him to feel ok that we knew he could. #widfam

Thank you! #widfam

Thank you so much!

I’m so sorry! You are in our prayers. #widfam

I'm so sorry! #widfam

Thanks #widfam

Im just curious… why did his mom have to drive 2 hours to come get him to take him to the ER? Maybe you can’t drive. I was just curious.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that long anticipatory grief. But I am glad you got 8 more years with him! #widfam

He asked her to come. He didn’t want to call himself and ambulance.

I have tried my best to forgive her, and know that it is not my job to "get her back" but rather to just move forward. But I don't think I'll ever forget it. #widfam

Yes, it was! #widfam

Thanks for watching #widfam

His diet was the standard American diet, so it was not good for him at all. He had diabetes, and it was hard for him to control it. #widfam

#widfam

Yes, it is. #widfam

I prayed for the same...an end to his pain and suffering. And now when I hear of someone going through this, I pray for the strength they need to endure whatever comes their way. #widfam

I just lost my mom to stage III ovarian cancer two months ago after a 4 1/2 year battle. She was diagnosed in June 2016 and that was the hardest moment for me as well. My mommy is no longer suffering and I am comforted knowing she is no longer suffering and in pain.

Sorry for your loss God bless you

I can remember those surreal moments! It's hard to describe it unless you've been through it! #widfam

Truth

I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s how I felt when my youngest daughter passed away.

I had the same feeling when the doctor said I have nasopharyngeal cancer stage 3 .. everything went blank and after going through chemo ans radiation therapy I was suffering and alot of pain .. I will look down the streets from my hospital bed and appreciate people behaving normal , for once I wanted to be a beggar just give me good health and I can go through anything … I saw old people working so hard and i will think “ahhh, I want to be like you “ I want to work “ I want to walk “ I want to take care of myself “ I was appreciating every little things even a tiny bit ❤life is precious

Great description. Felt that way myself when I was diagnosed. Surreal!

So true!!! #widfam

Think for yourself John 3:16 oh you are so right this is definitely grievous, so accurate. 😖😭

I have done this many times...and in the car by myself also! #widfam

I used to cry sitting in my car.

I too found out that the shower was the place to cry.

I was jus like that also didn’t want to show my tears cause I needed to be strong for my hubby and kids. Thank you Leo for sharing I didn’t realize it until after he passed and I read it in one of the books on grieving. But Thank you I so appreciate your transparency.

I understand about still being in shock. My husband got sick, came home on Hospice care, and died 18 days later. No warning, no cancer. It's been 3 months and I still cry every day. God bless you.

You could be telling my story, Fembot. My husband had cancer, started having chest pain. A heart attack was the furthest thing from my mind. I got him a decongestant, ice packs. The ER I finally took him too said he had a heart attack. They stented him, he blew a clot and died. I went to the ER a wife and went home a widow. The guilt is crushing. I feel you. If you want to talk some more, I would really like to.

I try not to guilt myself too much for dismissing his pain, thinking it was gas. Hindsight really is 20/20, and we have to forgive ourselves for not knowing, and blowing it off as something trivial. It does make me hypervigilant with my husband now, and sometimes it gets on his nerves, because I jump at every little cough and pain lol. #widfam

Thank you everyone, it really helps to know I am not the only one. My counsellor told me that guilt is a part of the process but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. I am slowly forgiving myself and I know in my heart of hearts that there is nothing I logically could have done. Hindsight really is 20/20 for sure! Love to you all #WidFam 💗

Fembot, I believe that all of us here have dealt with guilt. 5 years later and I still think back to all the things I wish I had done better or differently. I just go over and over those 18 months after he became paralyzed from flu shot in 2014. Guilt and all the what ifs. What if I had done this differently; what if we had tried this or that, wishing I had a chance to go back and do things differently; wishing I had a chance to go back and say all the things I desperately wish I had said. You just never know when that last opportunity is gone until it’s gone. I can’t imagine if my husband’s death had been so quick, with no warning at all. Prayers for you; prayers for all of us.

Don, my prayers are with you. I am also no longer afraid of death because Dewey laced that path for me. I hope you have loved ones by your side during this journey. Feel free to reach out if you need to, we will all be here for you! #widfam

May the Good Lord bless and keep you. Love and prayers from France

I believe in Jesus Christ and how there is power in his name to heal the sick. Pray and ask Jesus to reveal himself to you so you can believe then you will have faith that he will heal you . I have seen so many miracles and you can too. Watch the last reformation

Im so sorry about your wife, and about you having cancer now. I pray 🙏 you don't suffer. God bless you

My husband has cancer and I am so sorry for all you have been through x❤️🌺🌸❤️

I bet! It’s hard to imagine doing lots of things until you are faced with things you never expected. Thanks for watching #widfam

Asking his mom to drive 2 hours to take him to the ER.

I would never do that even if I had to stay up all night to hold a loved one's hand. I'd rather lose sleep than let someone go through a frightening experience alone. At the end of the day, it's about being there for one another - even if we have to put in extra effort to do it...

​@@jenniferlloyd9574Absolutely! ❤

​@@OneHappyWidowNo loving wife would do that. Period.

I bet it was so hard to watch him suffer. I’m so sorry. 🙏✝️

I know that feeling of relief! #widfam

Mine had a stroke, then 1-1/2 yr later a heart attack that took him. Full-time nightshift job, full-time day caregiver & food to raise & preserve for us, had me relieved at the end..

I’m sorry for your loss

I am nearly 4 years into the grieving process, so I don't really see myself reverting back to the crying daily phase. I do miss him, and I am sad that he won't be there for my kids as they grow up. But I am comfortable in my phase of grief now, and I do have my break-down moments. But I don't think I will go back to the initial grieving stage, I honestly feel like I have moved forward into the healing stage of acceptance. I have remarried, and it was completely my choice, not because I felt pressured or lonely. I truly love my current husband, and I am happy in my marriage with him. I see it as me having 2 separate phases of my life- one before, where I was happy and married to Dewey, and one now where I am happily married to JP. The two do not overlap. One phase is over and one is just beginning. And I'm ok with that. #widfam

There's no right or wrong way to grieve and not everyone goes thru the process in the same way or the same timescale.

My husband had a dual diagnosis, NHL and prostate cancer. Both diagnosed in the same week in 2007. Chemo kept the NHL is check for a few years and the prostate cancer never did go into remission. He passed away last week. His 18 month of life estimate lasted for years. I don't think any two people grieve the same exact way. Each family has unique living situations with many variables. I know all about the anticipatory grief first hand. What is right for me may not be right for you, just saying and NOBODY has the authority to judge any persons grieving process.

@@KJ-lb4tj I totally agree because everyones situation is different.

Thanks for watching #widfam

God Bless you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss. As we enter the Holiday Season, it gets hard when our loved ones aren’t around. So, I’ll be thinking of you both during this time. ❤

Thank you for sharing your story as well. I will pray for your daughter! #widfam

Hello dear. How is your daughter doing? My husband had the same cancer.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the trauma you experienced with your brother. #widfam

Prayers going out to you! #widfam

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last year.

Sorry for your loss. My Mom passed from Pancreatic cancer, 83 days from diagnosis to her passing.

I lost my mom to Stage IV metastatic Melanoma when she was 49 on March 13th, 2013. She was diagnosed at 42 and it eventually metastasized to her liver and brain. I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

Thanks for sharing! Dewey was a great dad, for sure! And after he died, I was going through his phone and found a funeral speech that he had made...but he never told me about it. And it was full of humor, just like him- always smiling and laughing! #widfam

Caring for a terminal spouse does take its toll on our health (physical, mental, emotional, ALL of it!) ANd then grieving just keeps that process going. Take care of yourself now, be kind to yourself, and focus on your own health, now that you can! Even just taking more walks every day and drinking more water will give you improved health! One little change at a time I made a few videos about resetting my health, feel free to watch those as well (in fact, I need to re-watch them myself, because I've been neglecting my own health lately!) #widfam

You loved him so much. How wonderful a life you enjoyed... And will again.

Thank you for sharing as well, I want us all to know we are not alone in this! With us, the diagnosis was terminal from the beginning. It was tough, but it began the process of acceptance right away, instead of the roller coaster of hope...not sure which would be worse, but grief is not a competition, we all lost someone close to us, so we all need to support each other in our pain. This group is so wonderful about that! #widfam

Your story is so similar to mine, just celebrated 40 years, was a month away from retiring, 22 days before the start of covid, diagnosed two days before Christmas. I knew when they said his chest was full of fluid that he had lung cancer. He lasted 5.5 months. His mother and two sisters had died from cancer, one with brain tumour, one with lung cancer and one with saliva gland cancer. One 46, one 40 and his mom 82. When he passed 50 I felt a sigh of relief that he passed those curse ages of his sisters, but it was waiting for him too. He passed away June 7th last year, could only have a 30 people funeral, his dad died 8 months later. I’m still so lost. I found him dead in the bathroom still warm, was totally unexpected as he was still mobile, eating well, I always heard him but didn’t that morning and I feel so much guilt that he died alone while I slept. I’ll admit I looked at his morphine tablets at times and thought this could be over tonight. The Covid has caused counselling to be hard to find, I still haven’t found any, couldn’t have company. I always wanted to go first cause I knew he’d do much better than I would. My parents died 10 weeks apart when I was 38, that was easier than this. I’m struggling with depression, hard to tell the difference between grief and depression. I

@@Carolina-hv7sf I know it’s so incredibly hard. Each and every morning as soon as I wake up I remember once again it’s another day without my husband. Another day I don’t get to share the day with him. Another day of not working with him in our car repair business which I had to close down after his death. Another day with not riding horses with him or going for Harley rides. I, like you, have thought a few times it would be easier just not to be here anymore. BUT my family kept reminding I still have them and my grandkids and they couldn’t bear to lose me too after their dad. So that is what keeps me going. Find the thing that will help you keep facing the days ahead. I know easier said than done. Still have many bad days but now I have some good ones too. Sending you hugs hoping this will help. We widows have to stick together. Never asked for this but it is what it is. I wish you all the best in your future. Keep your head up. You ARE a true survivor! ❤️

@@donnaholland4961 ...you take care too. Your story is so very similar to mine. Opening my eyes in the morning is both the best and worst part of my day. Best cause for one split second I think he’s there with me, worst part of my day when I immediately realize he’s not. My children told me their kids deserve a grandma, it’s what keeps me going as well. I always thought it was so terrible my parents died so very close together, not much older than I am now. But now I think how lucky they were. My dad only had to do without my mom for 10 weeks. My children don’t live really close by nor do any of my siblings. The loneliness can be overwhelming but I got a sign I know was him, it was something only us two knew about. That brings me comfort because I now know I’ll see him again, and my kids won’t need to cry cause they’ll know I’m back with him and ok, and he’s truly watching over us. It gets me through the days. When I have my worst days I’ll think of you, we will make it 💞💞

@@Carolina-hv7sfYour post brought so much pain to me but also healing comfort. My David has been dead almost 10 months from lung cancer; I found him in bed, already gone, but warm and sweaty like he'd been struggling for breath so hard. I had been up and down with him all night; I was so tired I went to sleep. I wanted to be with him at the end. He was so warm that I doubted myself; I got his oximeter to measure his oxygen. It was zero. I put my arms around him and told him I loved him and thank you for for sharing your life with me and I'm happy you're no suffering any more. Hopefully his Spirit was still here enough to fell me and hear me say goodbye. Forty five years together, 2 children one grandchild

That's an additional level of grief, I would think. You miss them, but the anger of them choosing death must be difficult to get through. My current husband lost his wife to suicide, but we don't know if it was intentional or accidental, so it is hard for him to process that part of his grief also. #widfam

@@OneHappyWidow In our situation, I don't know if he did it alone...or had some help. So many unanswered questions.

I understand how confusing it can sound to others. Thanks for watching!

Prayers sent up for your sweet girl! Let us know how she is doing! #widfam

She will be ok dear don’t worry 🙏🙏🙏

Prayers 🙏🙏🙏

Chelsie My heart goes out to you, my husband has cancer and our nephew 14 has spinal cancer, as a mother myself my heart just goes out to you m here if ever you want to talk to someone in confidence xx❤️🌺🌺🌺

This has to be the very worst pain. I am so sorry. I am praying for you both. ❤❤

I just lost my mom 2 months ago on March 24th my daughter’s birthday to ovarian cancer that metastasized to her liver. I too experienced anticipatory grief and knew what it was. I am attending grief counseling with my daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss...our timeline was nearly the same! #widfam

Exactly the same as my mom, stomach cancer stage 4 metastasized to the liver, diagnosed the day after her bday Sept 2019, passed Nov. 2019. It made me fear death as I watched her suffer tremendously those 2 months before dying.

I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.❤️

I'm so sorry you are having such a time if your grief! I wonder if you would benefit from medication. Have you asked a doctor about it? Even something temporary to help reset your brain and give your grief a little break so that you can breathe? I take supplements, and I do have something prescribed that I take "as needed" and I have only had to take it 3-4 times in the past 3 years, but it does help me rest in those manic moments when I feel like I'm about to "lose it" Hugs being sent your way! #widfam

Thank you OneHappyWidow, for your reply. I was having a horrible day yesterday and I am coming off of some medication, since I got my lumbar implant. Im also on a new thyroid med thats juuuust starting to kick in, after taking it for one week.. its been a VERY rough couple of years and sometimes I break down and I just feel hopeless. Your suggestions were absolutely correct and I'm on a combination of meds, but occasionally I lose it. Thank goodness I'm better today. I'm hoping that with the new thyroid med, all of the afflictions that have plagued me, since I wasn't on the correct meds, will finally subside and even me out soon. My GP said it would possibly take 3 weeks to feel normal again.... I'm being somewhat impatient, because I've felt awful for so long. I'm in a much better place emotionally today, and I spoke with some very good friends about my anguish. Sometimes it's so overbearing to miss a loved one, and unfortunately, I poured my heart out to you yesterday.....I'm a little embarrassed today. Those times are not frequent, but when they hit me, they hit hard. I do have something to take, if I panic like that, but I always forget to take it until I'm in a tizzy. I know it sounds crazy, but I literally felt my mom saying to me, "Take something NOW, you didn't get that script to just sit around and look pretty". 20 min after I took it, I calmed down and was able to think rationally again. I'm so sorry if this caused concern, I don't even want to read it again, for fear of sheer embarrassment. I debated whether or not to hit enter yesterday.....then I did, and well, here we are. I apologize for the post, however I think it would be beneficial in a way, to leave it up, in case anyone is experiencing a massive panic attack, like I had yesterday. There are so many people with panic disorder, that's exacerbated by grief and loss. I think its OK to cry and feel sadness, and to even freak out like I did, but I would hope that someone will learn that if they are in a place like I was yesterday, that it is OK to seek help. I'm well taken care of by my doctors, thank goodness. I hope that the example above can show someone else, even if it's just one person, that it is OK to feel utterly hopeless, as long as they DO get help as soon as possible.....and that it is also OK to be temporarily medicated, so they can think more clearly. I hope that I'm making sense. Thank you so much for your compassion, understanding and amazing videos. You are helping thousands of people who may have no one to turn to. I believe that people also trust you implicitly, because of your honesty and willingness to bear your heart, in order to help others. I appreciate the work that you put into your videos and the struggles that you've gone through. You are an incredibly strong and rational woman, and I'm sure that your kids think you're the BEST mom in the world! Fondly, beary

God bless you darling.... Lost my dad when I was 22yrs old then my Mum when I was 30.... my favourite sister at 50, then my life long best friend, its the most lonely time, specially when you loose your Mum, I saw her take her last breath and thinking thats it now I am on my own ... and for a long time I was. Things do get better I promise you never forget but it gets easier, your kids bring you joy... I have 2 sons, 5 grandkids and 4 great grandkids, and I’m 65, so I look at it like this what I lost on the round about I’ve gained on the swings. They are my world and live for them, sad thing is one day it will be their turn, they will loose me, its the cycle of life, please try to enjoy your life as you still have it, enjoy your kids and friends and most of all your beautiful memories, you are in my thoughts bless you all. Xxxxxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. Pls understand that it is OK for you to cry every single day if that is what helps you to go on with the rest of your day. Allow yourself this release. There is nothing wrong doing that if that is what you need

What a sweet message to have that gift from your granddaughter! And your husband sounds like mine...always joking about something! #widfam

I was just thinking 46 years and 17 days sounds like a good country love song then i read what your granddaughter made ..she sounds like an angel she will probably help you along better than anyone.

I love the cheekiness at the end…telling you that you ought to love him ☺️🩷 I just think this is so precious!

Thank God for your son #widfam

Take heart Becky Hoffman. I am glad you have GOD and your precious son. Can I be your friend? Wouldn't mind to invite you and your son to visit us.

Many people don't get it, and that's ok. I was going with the knowledge I had of a healthy young husband with indigestion, who often complained of it and we had been through issues like this many times in the past. Of course, if I had a crystal ball and knew he was dying of cancer, my reaction would have been different. It's very easy to judge the actions of others when you have not lived in their situation and do not know the past or the dynamics. I also understand that I put my story out there for anyone to view and respond. So, I respect your confusion and your right to respond. And no matter what I had done that night, it would not have changed his outcome...I'm the one who has to live with the guilt of my decisions, but I appreciate your feedback about it. Thanks for watching, and for your honest response!

@@OneHappyWidow But even after his DX you didn't go to a single chemo appt, at least for moral support even if the treatment does nothing for the DX.

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this after losing your wife. I hope you have someone to help you through this difficult journey! #widfam

@@OneHappyWidow yes the Lord and my church family and I went to greif share counciling they have helped me so much

As you can see by my comment I lost my wife to cancer and now I’m suffering from terminal cancer My heart and prayers go out to you Life can be so damn hard sometimes

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback

Thank you for your response! #widfam

I know you do! #widfam

Yes, I knew it would be triggering for many. It's triggering for me to watch and edit it! But then I realize it's my life and I'm living it daily. When I struggle and I'm too hard on myself, I have remind myself what I've been through and overcome already! #widfam

Of course, I loved him very much. Thanks for watching! #widfam

I am so sorry that we connected under this common bond...but thank you for sharing! #widfam

Thanks for watching

You just do what you have to do on a daily basis...no one knows how they do it until they are doing it lol. Thanks for watching! #widfam

It seems like the blink of an eye! #widfam

Thyroid cancer is almost that fast, I miss my husband being here, but it will 2 years this July.

This July will be 4 years since my husband died from pancreatic cancer. He lived 1 year 3 weeks from diagnosis. He was only 52. It was rough. I worked for a GI years ago and I knew what that meant . I am sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry you are going through this! Of course, it wasn’t just that I was making light of his pain…this was something he had been complaining of for so many years of our marriage. He was just one of those people who is always dramatic about pain, and until this time, it was never a life threatening issue. He was somewhat of a hypochondriac. Unfortunately, it came back to bite us both because when he really was sick, I had heard those complaints so many times and it ended up being something minor, so I assumed it was another one of those situations. His mother is just the same way (whenever she isn’t getting enough attention, she ends up in the ER with a “heart attack”), and now I have a daughter who is the same way. So, I guess they get it honestly, but it was the total cry-wolf syndrome for him. So, it wasn’t just a matter of him hurting and me discounting him. However, I am truly sorry that your family dismissed your pain. Have they figured out what type of cancer you have, and developed a treatment plan for you? We will be praying for a successful treatment for you. Please let us know how you are doing! #widfam

Thanks for watching! #widfam

A lot of people have called me heartless for not dropping everything, loading up 4 sleeping children in the middle of the night on a weeknight, and taking him to the ER for complaining of pain that had been diagnosed many times in the past as has or indigestion. I assumed it was another one of those episodes for him. I had no idea it was different this time.

You need to cry sometimes and let the pressure off! #widfam

You are supported and loved 🤗❤️🤗

Thanks for watching! #widfam

Thanks for watching! #widfam

I’m so sorry, this story sounds very similar to ours! While hindsight is 20/20, when we are living it in the moment, we don’t always know how serious some symptoms can be that seem simple or annoying at that time. Thanks for watching #widfam

Prayers for you on this journey. We are not alone, but we still feel like we are most of the time. Maybe try to focus on things that bring you joy or purpose and distract you from the constant grief. #widfam