For me, at age 74 is also the feeling tat there is no future. All "our" plans are gone and I do not feel like doing them by myself. They were ours, not mine alone.
Hernan, I know that feeling well. I had just retired when my husband suddenly died. We had plans but now I am alone. At first that depressed me terribly (it's been 7 months). But I keep thinking "I'm still here, I can do things that please me". So I'm doing a few small things... I'm going to paint the bathroom, I bought an apricot tree to plant, my daughters are helping me to change up the kitchen. It's all pretty much going thru the motions, but it's a start. I do hope you can find some small thing to try too. We didn't ask for this huge life change but we don't have to totally give up either. This is uncharted territory for us all really.
@@susanswayngim1854 Thank you very much Susan. It has been 7 months for me as well and, as you said, little by little I am doing things on my own. I am taking a photography class, learning about gardening and have been able to take a couple of trips to Mexico, visit the Maya, Aztec and Zapotec ruins and learn about their amazing history. There is a faint light ahead but, at least is not completely dark any more.
Yes, yes, yes ! This is exactly what I was trying to say / tell my friends. My husband of 21 years died from the complications of COPD 5 months ago. I tried desperately to compartmentalize everything until it all fell apart. I kept telling friends I didn't know how to be one when I'd been two for so long. Making decision for myself was the scariest thing I had done in a long time. But I'm doing it. Just yesterday I was watching TV and about to go into a dark place because I was "alone" when it hit me, this is not an end, this is a restart, a chance to see who I am now having experienced his (his meaning my husband's not His as in you know who) love and influence. I shall honor him and all he gave me by choosing to live my best life.
: @@Lost-without-her Doing as well as can be expected after only 5 months. I did sell the house and I'm moving soon. Place felt to vacant without him in it. Not the move for everyone but the right one for me.
….he ( my wonderful husband )….went home….he is in the light, so rounded by love….he deserves all of it! ….I will never stop loving him…..I am going to see him again….no doubt!
I am 20 years old. I lost the love of my life on Saturday, December 11, 2021. He was 21 years old. I miss him so much. Since that day, I’m in between wanting to be here and leaving everything behind to be with him again.
You're right; I still make decisions based on what my husband would think or prefer. I'm not looking for anyone else. All this said, it does get better as time passes. It's like stair steps. You get better and then you take another step and you're better still. But you must "let yourself" get better. Sometimes it requires making simple or significant changes.
I very suddenly and unexpectedly lost my husband 6 weeks ago to a pulmonary embolism. We had been together for a total of 22 years, ever since I was just 18 years old. In these past 22 years, we've rarely been apart. We did almost everything together. We faced and got through all of the challenges and difficulties of life together. We were a team and we held each other up. We unconditionally loved and supported each other and were always able to lean on each other. He was my rock, my soulmate, and my best friend. Now, I'm a widow at only 40 years old and my husband had just turned 52 only a few weeks before he passed. MUCH too young. What you described is exactly what I have been feeling in these last 6 weeks since he passed away. I keep telling everyone that I feel like half of me died with him. Like I said, I was with my husband since I was only 18 years old. In fact, we met the very same week that I graduated from high school, so I've spent more than half of my life with him and my entire adult life. I grew into the adult that I am today with him by my side and I feel that he had a large part in shaping the person I became over the years. We made decisions together. We confided in each other. We were totally comfortable being our true, raw selves with each other. Just his presence brought me great comfort and I always knew that I was safe with him. I feel so lost and terrified without him. I've never been on my own before. I went from being an 18-year-old kid still living at home with my parents to being with my husband. Whenever I think about living the rest of my life without him, I am overcome with an overwhelming sense of anxiety and fear. I relied on my husband for so many things. I miss him so much it physically hurts. We had so many things that we wanted to do. His passing was so sudden that I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye or tell him how much I love him one last time. I feel like I've been totally robbed. We should have easily had another 25-30+ years together. Life is so unfair and cruel sometimes. 😥
I'm so sorry to hear this. My story is similar. We met at 15 years old and there was only ever Mark and Claire. We grew in to adults together and there was only ever US. The transition to ME was painful, but now I'm out the other side it's rewarding. I'm thinking of you on your journey. Stay with it.
I am very sorry for what happened....this also happened to me on August 11, 2022. My beloved wife of 23 years passed away from a major stroke. She was my beloved wife...best friend....soulmate....always together. She was the most selfless, pleasant person I have ever known...or will know on this earth. I, too...feel robbed....half of me is gone....and the lonliness...insecurity....overwhelming grief and sorrow....Just not sure how this is going to work out....She was the basis of my happiness.....I'm only just over 1 month now....and it gets more and more real by the hour.....I don't like this life...God bless!
I understand your pain, I know what you're saying, I don't have an answer to this. I lost my wife of almost 15 years of pneumonia, 8 months ago as of today and she was my soul mate too, she suffered from chronic pain and asthma symptoms, so I can have comfort in the fact that she is not suffering any more, I'm sorry for your loss.
Wow, Thank you So Much!!! I resonate heartily with what you say. I've been so completely devastated by the death of my husband after 36 years together. I find your counsel comforting - - more than any I've heard thus far. Truly appreciated!!
Spot on... spot on... I have felt like a broken, destroyed person.. just like a half person. Without my husband.. it just seems impossible to ever feel whole again.
I feel the same way. We were married 53 years, can't see how things can work going forward. But I believe I'll be with her again someday, that's my salvation.
pretty insightful ... My dear, dear husband died Jan 2020 of cancer. He was 66. I am now close to my 70th birthday. I miss him terribly. I still find myself wondering what he would say about my decisions.. replacing the fence.. planning to buy a car, etc etc etc. He always said we were one whole person, complimenting each other's skills & knowledge. The first words out my mouth were always 'you get your work done, I'll get mine done, we will meet in the middle.' 'if you need my help, just ask' We would help each other in everything we did. He taught me computers, I taught him to cook.
Ah, bless you. It must be very difficult after all these years of being together. So good that you shared your knowledge with each other. I'm thinking of you
lost my wife in feburary she was 63 i have cried quite a lot been together 48 years i even have dreams she here when i wake up it upsets me all over again still struggling i walk a lot now but still feel lonely even in a crowd just feel lost
I'm so sorry for your loss, that's a long time to be together ❤. If you'd like to join our support group it would be a pleasure to welcome you facebook.com/groups/lost.without.her.support/?ref=share
My wife passed in June 2022. She were married 51 years and she had MS for 26 years. I cared for her for almost all that time. But she is no longer suffering. I am doing well and trust you are too.
Bit of an update. Was doing OK but decided to seek professional help with a grief / personal therapist. Best decision in a long time. So, now, going into the 8th month and holiday season I feel strong enough to face them without him. Still miss him like crazy but the sorrow and grief is so much less now.
Wow, This is really great. I also see a therapist and have done for the last 8 years, it completely keeps me on the straight and narrow and helps my mind focus on the healing. Well done, you!
Lost my husband this past Jan, so 8 months ago. I was always a pretty strong and confident person before losing him, but now I am unsure of so much. I feel lost without him. He was truly the wind beneath my wings. We were together 30 years. Lost a very large part of myself when I lost Don.
I'm sorry to hear this... I do know how you might be feeling... lost, directionless and without that wind beneath your wings. Please know I'm thinking of you right now.
I also lost my husband last January 2021. It’s devastating trying to navigate life now. For me it was sudden without warning. I still feel like I am in shock.
How the heck do people even dream of replacing their partner so soon after they die ? I do not get it . Especially men , they jump to looking for someone else so fast . I wish I understood that .
Life is not fair.Enjoy every moment you can.Travel see the world when you are young and can afford it.Too man horror stories of people passing away as soon as they are retired. God be with you.
