@@terriesmith2616she did manage to drag his dead beat ass to John’s Money and Marriage course. She has both tenacity and drive and this call is what might make the Penny drop so she hits her codependent ’bottom’
Anyone who can scheme cheating several times on their partner is capable of envisioning and working hard to provide for their wife and family. Tired of these deadbeat types leaving nothing but a legacy of pain and trauma for the children produced. Go back to college lady. Offload this dude and prioritise your kids. Goodluck.
Ikr? It takes so much careful planning and effort to keep an affair hidden and juggle multiple people at once. Why can't he channel energy that more productively. I think unfortunately the less successful a man is, the more likely he is to cheat. He feels emasculated and worthless, and seeks out validation elsewhere. Female attention temporarily boosts his ego. Stay at home dads are more likely to cheat than those who work. So it's like a one two punch, the guy provides nothing and also punishes you for supporting him.
To anyone struggling with this ask yourself one simple question... Is this how I would want my daughter to be treated? This will tell you everything you need to know.
GET OUT TODAY!!!! I was married to very similar at 28 with 2 young boys! I left. Remarried an amazing man 5 yrs later. I will be 48 next year......leaving was one of the best decisions i made in my life
I normally don't advocate for divorce. I hate it and want people to work out their problems like adults. But cheating is definitely the line where I say get out and be free. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Lacy, please, please take Dr. Delony’s advice. It's true you will wake up one day and wonder where life has gone. It doesn't change just gets worse and you will get older. God bless you and guide you.
I really feel like on this call she should have led with the adultery part. That to me is the bigger problem than the job, albeit they are both disheartening.
The pattern of adultery is the more concerning part. I mean the job thing we don’t have all the details in such a short call, but assuming the pay doesn’t change that much between jobs if he has a new job every six months then at least it’s consistent enough that the money doesn’t really change then it’s not good, but it’s not the end of the world, I would say he’s better off working for a temp agency. That way he can constantly switch jobs but he’s not quitting a job all the time, and at least the employment is at the same employer, the agency rather than where he’s working and then he can still change jobs as far as what he’s doing. The job thing is the easiest part to fix it all this The adultery if it was a one off is still bad but possible to fix in some circumstances but the pattern and constant disregard is where it’s an even worse problem.
Actually she's a doormat with no self esteem. Yes, he's treating her like S____, but she's also allowing him to treat her that way which says as much about her a it does him. My alarm bells went off when she said she gave up school for him which suggests that she's codependent and likely experienced as much trauma as he did as a child. I actually feel for them both but neither of them have any business being married - and not just to each other, but at all. They both need enormous amounts of therapy if there's to be any hope for their children to be healthy and happy but I won't be holding my breath.
For the people asking what ACES is here’s a quick explanation… Adverse Childhood Experiences Test. Basically measures the amount of trauma someone has on a scale of 1-10. For example: A question that’s on there is have you been a victim of sexual abuse? If you answer Yes to more than 4-5 questions you have a significantly HIGHER risk of dying from a stroke, cancer, organ disease failure,etc until you go get well and walk through the trauma.
I was married to this guy. I did everything to fix it. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. My and the lives of my kids improved overnight. By 38 I was with the man I'd marry and my life was 100 percent the opposite of what I had before. I was in a healthy relationship that was the model for my and other kids (said by other kid). Life became good.
@JourneyDestination If you would rather have her suffer, just say that. She did what she had to and her life is better for it. Kids do not turn out good when their parents have a miserable relationship.
Was married to a man who quit 2 jobs and was let go from another in 1 year. His parents thought he should go back to school while I supported him. He was okay with but had no idea what he would study but " it would be fun ".... for nearly a year he hemmed and hawed, taking only 2 brief freelance jobs. I told him get a job, by the end of the week, any job and we would work it out. He put me down as usual " nursing ( my job) is not the intellectual work that mine is, you don't understand". That was it for me... we had no kids, so it was easier to walk away. Years later I met someone who encouraged me was proud of me for getting my masters and raised a family with me. It can and will get better
Bread crumbing- When a person your in a relationship mistreats you. Then he decides to be nice for a few months. Then he's back to his normal narcissism. Then he goes to be nice again. This is a back and forth for the relationship. He's being fake nice to confuse you, so you continue to tolerate his bullsh$+. This is manipulate. You don't manipulate and and mistreat the person you love. He doesn't love or even like you as a friend.
The amount of marital problems that I listen to on this show alone is so so sad. As someone that never wanted kids or marriage, I can’t even imagine going through something like this. WOW.
You and many other women should stay away until the situation as a whole gets better nationwide. As a man, I know how bad it is, and for you ladies, it just isn't worth the risk. Stay safe out there, Ma'am.
Some people or culture manage to maintain a perfect picture on the outside while it's a tragic disaster on the inside. I am from the West Indies and I learned how deceiving adults were.
It's very important that: 1. the man is older in a relationship 2. the man pursues the woman ie he must call more than half of the time, no calling a guy constantly but he nevers calls you first. Same with texting first and inviting you to do things, paying for dates, coming up with ideas.
He cheats, he doesn’t work, he doesn’t care for his wife or children??? The lady needs to leave him and take her kids. He’s wasting everyone’s time. She sounds like a wonderful woman.
Good for you John on telling her it's over. I feel bad for her... She's so broken. That patience the woman has, that turns into shame. That hit hard. She needs to stop being an enabler. Point break. Start to accept reality, he's showing every sign he's not willing to do anything for you. Leave.
I’m Mexican American So we aren’t used to men not working My daughters dad quit and started acting up a bit He was kicked out within a month Don’t let these men play you
@@JesusIsMaster777i doubt God is going to judge me for that. Besides it took 7 years for him to start acting up and cheating I’m glad I didn’t marry him although I did want to. I’m sure god saved me from that.
Girl get away from this man. Take it from someone who dealt with this. It doesn’t get better. You will never be able to achieve any goals or be stable. Luckily I didn’t have any kids or I would have been done sooner. I would never put my kids through an unstable environment. My ex husband’s instability was why I didn’t feel safe giving him children. Now that I am divorced I have an emergency fund, purchased a new home and no debt. I couldn’t get ahead with my ex husband. Girl put on your track shoes and run. No amount of prayer can fix a lazy, selfish, entitled unstable spirit.
He’s broken and any change will always be temporary. It’s a rare case but the marriage cannot be sustained with no commitment to integrity and responsibility from him.
My ex husband had the exact same problem, constantly in and out of jobs for 4 years, ultimately I ended up leaving him because I just couldn't take it anymore, don't waste your time honey, it's not worth it!
Lace, I went through this for 25 years and I lived on hope. He was often unemployed, once for 5 years. He didn’t carry any weight on housework, etc. He was a decent Dad and that was one of things that kept me in with hope. We went to counselling and that helped for a while. But mostly, he let me down,time after time. I waited far too long to end the marriage. I didn’t have the courage. Other than my 2 beautiful daughters, I wasted 25 years of my life. Please don’t do the same.
That was my dad. Could never keep a job, would always pretend to have back pain so he won't go to work. And my mom was actually the primary breadwinner. When my mom divorced him he quit his job so he won't pay child support.
The ONLY thing I don’t like about your show is that you turn off their audio in the last 30 seconds for a mic drop monologue. We’re not able to hear them express their gratitude. It’s just a weird thing and I think people need to hear people say thanks, especially for the great wisdom you provide.
These calls are just so so sad. My husband and I are not perfect people but our marriage is peaceful and focused towards building each other up. My husband (of more than than 20 years) is hands-down the person who makes my life easier every day in small ways and big ways. It breaks my heart when people make it clear that their spouse is probably the hardest, most stressful aspect of their life, making them question their own value. It shouldn’t be like that. 😢
Girl, NO!!!! He resents and probably hates you because he hates himself. He’s not worth throwing your life away for. He can’t work but he has the energy and ability to sleep with other women no problem. Enough of everyone and their “trauma” it’s become an EXCUSE to be a crappy person. Leaving will be hard because this is all you know, but trust me you’ll be just fine in the end and grateful that you’re not 40 wishing you left 12 years earlier. We only get one shot at this life and none of us know when it’s over so stop wasting your time, especially, on people who don’t care about you. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow but he doesn’t care about you. Move on and live, your future self will thank you!
Amazing how motivated a man is to effort and PLAN and physically exert and follow up and be consistent with his affair partners. Where do they find the ENERGY and endurance? Affairs are DIFFICULT to plan, organize, keep going, you really have to be an exceptionally creative person to successfully cheat with multiple people countless times.
Because they get the attention they need, it’s easy. Giving love and attention to children and wife isn’t always easy and requires being mentally healthy. He is not.
2024 and I am just over codependents. The lack of accountability and willingness to take ownership over the things they allow people to do to them is just mind-blowing. This man has violated the terms of their marital contract on multiple levels. He refuses to provide financially. He refuses to take over responsibility for child-rearing duties. He refuses to be faithful. There is no marriage. It has been terminated. The marriage was terminated the first time he stuck his penis in another woman. It was terminated when he refused to contribute financially to his household. It was over when he refused to be the primary caregiver for the children while his wife worked. But her fear of being alone and her lack of self-worth is going to keep her there. She's going to use God as a justification of why she has to stay in her marriage forever. Even though the Bible tells you to head out of a marriage due to infidelity. She'll never leave because she doesn't want to.
Exactly. Codependents are their own problems . They disrespect themselves and no matter how hard you try to help wake them up, they just can’t see it. I’ve learned I can’t help a codependent friend anymore.
It’s nauseating. Equal rights since the late 80’s. No one Is a victim anymore. Don’t worry tho, when he finds someone new she’ll tell everyone how poorly she was treated and list the excuses why she “couldn’t” leave.
I think she is desperately trying to stay faithful to her vows. Doesn’t want to fail at marriage (who DOES?). Her Christian beliefs are holding her to her vows. For better and for worse. But Beloved, this can get worse!
I've been at my current job for nearly 9 years and I was at my previous job for nearly 13 years. My point is that I've always done my best to keep a job and provide for my family. You have to do whatever is necessary in order to provide a stable home for your family even if it means working a job that you don't like.
Dear Caller, A couple of years ago I was in your exact situation. Trust me, make very firm and honest boundaries AND prepare yourself for him to opt out. I love how Dr. John says behavior is a language because that was what finally forced me to face reality. The divorce is messy, expensive and brutal. It will be worth it. Now, he has the SAME CYCLE, except his new girlfriend is his cash cow now. Dr. John saved me..... if your husband doesn't wake up now.....he never will....trust me. I am returning to school now and starting from scratch....with healthy boundaries. Kids need positive role models. LOVE YOU
Ugh! I was married to this guy for almost 6 years, after spending almost 10 years trying to make it work, I left. He refused to work! It devastated me financially, but I do not regret leaving him. Not for one second.
I think it is difficult for people to realize they married a loser. I have not been unemployed for more than 2 weeks since I was 15. Im 39 now. I could not imagine not having a job to do. Men are no men without a purpose. He has settled with the idea that he is being taken care of. He allows her to be his mother figure.
I get you really want to make your marriage work but there comes a point where your level of self respect needs to be much higher. Honey he’s making a fool out of you.
@@georgemubanga1878this is such a silly question because we already know that it's a rare occasion for a man to be the sole provider, do all of the domestic work, and child-rearing. If a woman isn't working outside of the home, she's a stay-at-home mom and taking care of the children. Period. Men being unwilling to work is a very common occurrence these days. Especially in the black community. Black men's unemployment costs the economy 50 billion dollars a year.
Please leave! He not treating you biblically. It effects your children with his behavior. He very dysfunctional. This behavior will repeat in your children. You deserve a good man. Pray to God for what to do? Can family help you? I have been there done that. I wanted to leave and didn't. 38 yrs later, I regret not going.
Leave him a cheater is always a cheater. He is looking for a girl or woman to support him. Now he has his wife to blame for everything. He will cheat on the next one. Sometimes these men works, but don't bring the income home. He is going to end up leaving her when he finds a fool to believe his lies and take him in. I know, I was married years of go to a man like that. My husband would get as kind and nice. Then all of a sudden, the branch would break. Don't waste your life on a man like that.
Omg what a horrible broken marriage. She’s so sweet and determined. But it can be so much better for her…someone who actually deserves this level of dedication
I agree with you 100%. I think the difficulty is when women in the faith community pressure women to marry young and teach men when they get a family they will RISE to the occasion and that a woman's belief in them will make them a better man. I think you are VERY RIGHT, but I also know women with high standards are often judged.
Mine was lazy and drugs. I was her. I got out at 27. He ruined my life. Rich parents, took the kids. But im still alive. Took 15 years to get my life back. Now at 66, im in a paid for home. Decent amount of money saved. Unable to trust anyone anymore. Lifes hard emotionally. Jesus is my hope.
The plant couple!! I remember them. I was crying, but they were such a cute couple. I could tell he was tense though. I really hope he can get the hope he needs. I hope SHE finds herself too, because my husband even said “he looks checked out” when they were on stage. He just didn’t look happy.
😂💀it’s wild for a man to make his wife to work and pay the bills. Complete opposite of the Lords will. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8 KJV
I am not pro divorce but, her husband has cheated multiple times and he won’t work. You shouldn’t put your life on hold for anyone. She should have continued going to college and she probably wouldn’t be married to him. I pray you make the best decision for you and the kids. Please don’t look up, you have more kids, and you’re going through the same ish as years prior. You deserve a better husband and the kids deserve a better father.
Yes, there is something so.missing in this call. She blew right passed that. There are some real issues she has too that we don't know about. She's far from healthy either.
I spent 23 years married to someone like this. 😢 They don’t change. They blame … the deflect … they lie … please leave while you can. He is NOT trying … he’s buying more time.
How did she drop out of school and then tried to go back, but claimed to not have help or support with the kids when her husband can't keep a job for 6 months? So he's not working and not helping with the kids? And he's cheating on her multiple times? He has it made there and if she keeps on being a pushover she has to be ready for this to keep happening and stop complaining. I cannot fathom staying with a man after he cheated, rather your Christian or religious or NOT, I'm not staying!!
15:08 BINGO! Harsh reality for a lot of women with low self esteem. Gotta be strong for yourself in order to walk away from someone who no longer serves you anything but heartache and disappointment.
Leave. It will be the hardest thing you ever do at first. Then it will be the best thing you ever did a little down the road. You can’t FIX him. They play the part just for a little bit to keep you hanging on.
I laid boundaries and said if you do these things gs we can talk about what our future looks like. And two years later and he did nothing. That speaks he doesn’t want to sit down and talk about what our future looks like. I don’t regret making that decision. Enough of being destroyed by someone who doesn’t want to put forth effort for his family.
I'll never be strong enough to talk to Deloney. I work 90 hours a week to support myself, child support and my lawsuit medical bills. I want To be dead. But I must continue for my son. But it's so hard. But I will press through always.
This is alot of men....they complain about traditional women while not even providing or putting food on the table....and then wonder why they get cheated on😂😂
My first thought was the husband has bad untreated ADHD with depression. However I've heard/read several anecdotes where somebody thought they had ADHD, treatment didn't really do anything, got diagnosed with CPTSD, got therapy and whatever treatment for that, and had it be a night and day difference.
No he didn’t. She waited for him. She wanted kids. She made poor choices either because she felt she couldn’t do better or he gave her the tingles with such a chaotic relationship. She chose poorly. That’s life…choices and consequences of said choices.
@@jackdeniston59 over the last year or two I’ve noticed Delony’s primary demographic has become 25-55 white suburban feminists who lack accountability and are divorced from reality. It’s sad
BPD is very challenging. He needs therapy to help himself with it, and this lovely lady needs a lot of support, especially if she's going to stay. ❤ Love to you Lacie ❤
No ma’am. The first mistake as waiting for him to finish high school only for him not to go to college. The second red flag is consistently losing jobs. Side note: ladies you should always assume your man is cheating or will cheat. The key is to be financially prepared to leave when he does. That’s where she messed up. She has kids, no real income, not degree and will need to go back to school. She is stuck in mud with no rope. Sorry boo!!!!
I really thought I would learn more about how to overcome job hopping (because that is something that I personally struggle with and feel an immense pressure to lead my future family), but with the cheating and other stuff, there’s clearly more to this conversation for this particular couple than what is portrayed in the title of this video
Yeah, I think the title is a little off. But job hopping is a tricky topic. So long as you stay long enough and move to a better one I feel like it can be wise. Staying anywhere more than five years seems silly unless you love the company. But yeah just jumping with no other job to go to is completely irresponsible. Especially when you have a family to feed
I job hopped A LOT for a while. Then I discovered welding and loved it. Didn't want to do anything else. I don't think there is anything wrong with experimentation. Maybe you would be better off working with your hands, or maybe you do better working with people, etc? Try something different instead of the same at a different location.
@@Observer-dd6uq I guess I’m curious how it’s defined. Like it seems markedly different if someone is hopping between McDonalds and Burger King verses say Chase and Bank of America while getting raises or better benefits each time. We’re long past the era of pensions with the obvious exceptions of unions, government employees, and military. So for most private sector jobs you’re probably not being paid what your labor is worth after a certain point. And a lot of companies claim to have good internal promotion opportunities, but imo HR tends to have a bias for external candidates a lot of times. I get your point, though, that at times it’s symbolic of a broader issue and of course it’s dumb if you aren’t making more in your next role
@@DrewsThoughts Women aren’t setting up whole podcasts to talk about men not being traditional. You still have to pull your weight though and not cheat on your wife. I am sorry if that’s too much for some losers out there.
So, this dude has no job, doesn’t take care of the kids, cheats, AND doesn’t support anything she wants or needs? This guy is not worth the time and stress she fees about him.
