My Most Depressing Vlog, Please Read The Description 

Don't think I can respond very eloquently to this one, all I can say is thank you for your kind words cause they're very touching for me. I wish you the best with everything, take care.

Gray 34. Musician. Had it for 9 years. Always the same until now. Had habituated. Now louder than ever suddenly with 5 noises and beeping total. Just hangin’ on by a thread. You’re bringing me and so many others peace and hope, when we’re just praying for a chance it can get better while thinking life is over. I know you’ve been there. Im pumped you responded! You’ve been my wife and I’s daily vid routine, haha. All the best.

Sounds very similar to my situation to be honest, (I had it for 6 years when it spiked though, but that's the only difference.) I'm thrilled you and your wife have been watching my videos so much, and it's an amazing thing to know that they're helping so much cause I know how unbearable and hopeless tinnitus can make your feel when it's bad. Feel free to ask me anything you want to that you think might help you improve your ringing, and message me any time you need to vent or whatever about it. You'll get there eventually mate, you just have to hold on till then. It's a matter of time before you see improvements though, not a matter of if. Thanks for another wonderful comment mate. Speak to you soon.

I really appreciate those words, and I'm incredibly flattered by them too. Thank you. Your description of attracting dark people fits quite strongly with what's gone on, they just latched on to me and when I expressed how hard it was affecting me and tried to pull back they really upped their game to a level I'd never of suspected. I do think I was a little emotionally naieve dealing with this situation, but that's the point of what I'm trying to do and that's to learn and grow and I certainly have from this. I hope your tinnitus is doing much better than when you first found my videos. Please let me know if there is anything I can say to help. Thanks again, and best of luck. Take care.

I'm touched by your words mate, thank you for leaving this comment. What you described getting out of my video was exactly what I started doing youtube for, so it really hits home for me at the moment. The positive vibes I've gotten from doing this are worth every second I've put into my channel and it's such a big part of my life now that I can hardly remember what I used to do with my time before I started making videos. I'm already improving, mainly I've just been extremely emotionally burnt out by what's going on and my positive mindset is already kicking back in hard so I know I'm going to be fine. I hope you're doing well overall with your tinnitus, or you're at least on the road to improving. Take care and please keep me posted on how you're doing.

Thank you so much, your words are very flattering and they mean a lot to me. Still quite a bit of drama going on at the moment but I'm doing way better and I'm really learning from it all so things aren't too dark now, though they sure felt like it when I made this video. Sorry to hear about your own issues. I'm rooting for you too, and I shed plenty of tears about my T back in the day, it happens to us all so know that you're not alone and others have been there too. I'll always keep posting videos, youtube has been way too rewarding to me not to, even with a channel as small as mine. Nearly at 500 subs now though so things are getting quite exciting! Take care, speak to you soon.

Thank you Aleta. I'm still processing things but I really am doing fine, I'm well on the way back to feeling good, and I know that I'm going to grow from this experience so I really don't feel too badly about it all now that the shock is over. I'm grateful that so many people have shared their experiences and support with me too, it's a real gift to have that in my life. Wishing you all the same things that you wished me. Catch u later.

Thanks very much mate. Congratulations on your progress, that's amazing to hear about and it sounds like you're doing very well overall. Keep up the good work.

Hey Gab, I'm flattered you took the time to comment. I'm glad my videos helped. I've had a few people say that they've used them at work, in the car, or all kinds of places to help them cope with their tinnitus, and to be honest I'm still struggling to believe it cause I never imagined I'd be in a position where people were that interested in what I had to say, let alone getting that much out of it all that it's actually improving their lives in some way. I'm extremely pleased to hear about your progress, especially how much your hyperacusis has improved. Thankfully I never had to deal with that but it sounds absolutely horrifying so you have my sympathy in having to have dealt with that. Sounds like you've got a lot going on, a lot of people find that their tinnitus is much less of a bother when they busy themselves with things to do so well done on that front, (either that or you're a very clever advert which would be a first for youtube, haha.) I love the idea of learning languages too, been meaning to learn japanese at some point so you've got my attention there, and I love the idea of working with people on new things so whatever it is you're talking about I'm quite interested. Let me know what Tinnitus Ovation is about either through email or message me on here and I'll be happy to chat with you more. My email is grahamlaneyoutube@outlook.com And yeah, Retro Gaming does rock, lol. Take care.

Drift King, dunno about that, but I imagine a lot of Europe isn't fond of Britain at the moment for actually going through with the whole Brexit thing. That's a very serious subject though and I was never one for politics or economics, lol.

Gabriel Ferracci, I am so encouraged by your comments. Sounds like you found a really excellent way of healing (even if you still have tinnitus, for now). I have been coming to the realization also that I have not been engaging with others enough, and have not been enjoying my life as much as I could, as muchas I would like to, and that is certainly a factor in getting tinnitus, and also a factor in my perception of it as a 'problem'. I am intrigued by your project, and would love to hear more about it. Do you have a facebook page or RU-vid page? ~Flavia

F. B. Hey Flavia! :) Thanks for your message! As far as the Tinnitus Ovation Project is concerned, no activity on Facebook and RU-vid yet, but it's definitely planned! Feel free to search for "Drink Entrepreneurs San Francisco" on RU-vid and you'll see the type of events we organize around the world. Cheers madam! Take care. :D

F. B. Here is a good presentation of DrinkEntrepreneurs, it helped me a lot getting back in society and improve my relationship with my tinnitus : ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-aeeYpbGVeFc.html

It is hard to do, I'm naturally way more drawn towards introverted things than extroverted, and even now I prefer being alone in my room and left to my own devices more than anything else. I know that hiding in my room all the time is limiting me though so I've been making a point of trying new things or giving them a real go for once to open myself up more. Thankfully I was never shy in spite of my introverted nature, and years of gigging and dealing with audiences has made me very confident in my ability to deal with crowds (I enjoy it immensely truth be told,) so it's fairly straightforward for me to go from being introverted to starting to try to see what all the fuss is about being extroverted for a change. It's working, but I've really opened up some old emotional blockages by doing this and that's how this video ended up getting made, lol. I believe strongly in the law of attraction and I think that now I'm finally starting to try to open myself up I've opened an old emotional issue that caused me to get closed off in the first place, and I attracted a very similar situation so that I can deal with that old blockage at last. Was painful to go through (and I've still got more to address really,) but I'm way stronger now because of it. Fascinating stuff for sure from an objective point of view and I'm enjoying the process a lot. This video was just me venting and putting a full stop at the end of a very fucking rough month. I've never been emotionally worn out like that before as an adult, and I don't plan on doing it again.

You're right there buddy, in the grand scheme of things this is just a blip, this video is just for me to put it out there into the world for me to sum things up easily so I can move on quicker. I'm already feeling much more myself cause even though I'm drained as hell, I feel like I've got my power back if you know what I mean and I'm sat here recording video after video right now so overall I'm doing pretty good now. Thank you very much for the kind words mate, I wish the same to you. PS - One of the music projects I've got going on seems to have some actual interest from a record company. I'm not sure of all the details and it feels a little strange to me because it's all over the internet so far between us guys in the band and we haven't met, but there could be something happening there. Let there be rock!!!

Thank you for your kind comment, I really appreciate it. This one was a weird video for me, but then I was dealing with some strange stuff so it was gonna be, lol. I posted it up cause it relates to my attempts to improve myself emotionally, and it also relates to health issues like tinnitus in some indirect way. Would of been weirder not to post it up I guess, cause for a lot of people dealing with emotional issues will be a struggle like what I went through, so it seemed completely relevant at the time to do one talking about it. Thanks again Sharon.

Thanks Dawn. I'm already feeling more or less back to normal so it's no big deal at the end of the day, I just figured anyone interested in how I appraoch personal development might get something out of my recent experience so I posted it up. I was very wary of coming across like one of those kids on social media that scream and cry about every tiny drama as if it's the end of the world, cause I'm not used to this kind of thing, but I am a youtuber and this is what I've been dealing with recently so I did it in spite of my reservations. Hope you're doing well. Take care.

Haha, needed new clothes because of the weight loss. I tend to never throw t shirts out so I haven't been shopping for years, but some of them look like tents on me now so I finally decided to get on with it, lol. All the cheapest stuff in the shop was comic book themed so I bought a load of them. Thanks very much for the kind words, please feel free if you want to talk about this stuff, I'd love to hear what you've got to say. This is new territory for me talking about emotions on youtube outside of tinnitus, so I'm happy with any feedback and comments I get about it. And I will keep posting. I feel like I've woken up from a coma, and though I've got some recovery to do I'm definitely able to record again so I'll get cracking. Hope you've been well by the way, it's been a long time since we last chatted and I hope things have been going good. Catch you later.

Life does seem to try to test us at times. That sounds absolutely horrible what you went through, and yeah, very similar to what I just experienced, the word toxic sums it up very well. At least it was only for about 2 months total in my case, and I have the experience of dealing with tinnitus on my side which makes every other problem seem small in comparison. My experience with T really has become a strength that I draw from, and then there's all the positive stuff I get out of youtube as a result of it so I really do view these types of bad experience as being things that lead to lots of good in the long run. In fact I'm already seeing the benefits from this experience to some degree so I know I'm already well on my way to recovering. Sorry to hear about how much pain you've been through. I hope that you never have to go back to that dark palce again and if I can do anything to help you stay out of it then please let me know. I really appreciate your comment and I wish you all the best. Take care Adam, and thank you very much.

Gray Exactly! There will always be something trying to get in the way of our expectations of life..its being able to see the positives that come from them. (I try to keep away from the "life sucks then you die attitude" lol) It can either build you or burry you..and u have not only built yourself ..but quite a following aswell! Thank you for taking time and leaving your kind comment , my DPD only lasted a few months thankfully..and iv had T for about 7 weeks now.. Your videos was one of the first I came across that really helped my realise it's not the end of the world lol iv had a few bad spikes..but overall it is IMPROVING ! Starting to habituate😁 You are easy to listen to and a likeable dude! Keep up the vidz man ( in your own time lol) I trying to direct alot of tinnitus forum/support people to your videos. I know you have lots of people to reply to and u can't see to every1. All the best Gray and thanks again from here in Ireland👍

Yeah, that's how I view this. I believe very strongly in the law of attraction, and I think that I've attracted this situation into my life as a way to address some long standing emotional blockages from some similar trauma I had in my teen years. This is a chance for me to relive it and respond in a more healthy way so I can grow as a person, so I really don't feel negative about it at all, even though there are negative feelings here for me to deal with in the here and now. I'm thrilled to hear your T is improving, well done. Don't worry about the spikes or patches where it gets louder, we all get them. Mine has been louder this past month (I wonder why, lol,) but I know it will come down and carry on improving like it was doing before this mess happened. So long as the general trend is that it's getting better then that's all that matters. Thanks for the kind words, and cheers for the support. It took me ages to figure out how that first tinnitus video of mine was getting so many views, but a lot of people watching them have been sharing them cause they got so much out of them, which I've got to say is a feeling like no other. Cheers.

It was my pleasure mate. I get so much out of youtube that I don't know where I'd be right now without it so your words are extremely good to hear, and knowing that I've managed to help other people in some way is an incredibly comforting feeling no matter what else is going on in my life. I'm cheered up man I swear haha, and you're right, getting over T was hard to do but it makes everything else look easy. Once I've had a few good night's sleep I think I'll be completely back to normal. Hope you're doing better with your T, and please let me know if you're not. I'm happy to answer questions or just hear you vent as many times as it takes until you really do start to get better. Catch you later.

Cheers mate. It's been a very exhausting experience, and for me it's brought up some deep emotional issues so I think some good will come of it cause it's giving me a chance to address them. Basically this experience is similar to some trauma that caused a massive freeze response in my teens that I'm still dealing with to this day, and I think it's probably what caused my tinnitus in the first place from a certain point of view. I'll be doing a video on it for sure if it turns out I'm right, but it's too soon to tell yet. Thanks for the kind words. You stay well too.

You were one of the ones I had in mind when thinking about the comments I've had that I felt I wasn't able to get to as quickly as I wanted. I'm going to be completely honest, I'm absolutely fucking livid that I've allowed myself to be so taken advantage of to the point that I was too drained to be able to focus on replying quickly to you and the other comments like yours that I've had. I want to apologise for it, I should of done something about my situation sooner, but in my defence I was caught completely off guard by it all and I really have been that emotionally exhausted that I just physically was unable to think straight to do anything. It won't happen again though. Thank you very much for your kind words, and I really hope I've been helpful to you, cause I know what you're going through and it can be hell. You might not be able to hug me (I've felt the same way to many of my commenters,) but the sentiment alone is more than enough and has cheered me up quite a bit. I'm already feeling far better than I have since the new year began and I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon. Thanks again, and please let me know if I can help further with what you're going through. Take care. PS - I'll haven't forgotten about your email and I'll get back to it soon.

you DO NOT need to apologise to me!! I would leave one of those love things after your comment but I have no idea how to do it x

I think you can only do it on your own channel, but your words mean more anyway. Thank you.

It was a very unexpected and random experience, and the insanity of it is still affecting me even now. To sound a little philosophical on the matter though, I needed teaching to defend myself emotionally and this was a wake up call on that front. It's why I've been inconsistent with uploads this year though, cause it's like my whole year has been life taking the opportunity to beat this lesson in again and again until i finally learn, haha. We need to look after ourselves emotionally and not be scared to draw boundaries with those around us, while still not being afraid to go out into the world and engage with it. Life is hard and fundamentally it's only ourselves that we can count on to truly look after ourselves, that's what I learned from this, and I'm finally starting to apply that so at least I'm seeing some progress spiritually as a result of the stress this year has put me under. Thanks for the kind words Jennifer, they mean a lot.

Sorry to hear you've been sick Susan. I was a bit ill over the holidays but thankfully it wasn't too bad. Kept me from singing though, so I'm rusty as hell now cause it's been around 3 months of no proper singing. Keen to get back into it soon. It's been a hell of an experience, but I believe in the law of attraction and this situation seems to me to be a case of more or less reliving some trauma I went through in my teens. I agree completely with your second paragraph, but in this case I think it's happened because I'm finally strong enough to handle the pain I've repressed from that past trauma, so I think I've attracted this situation so I can finally deal with it and move on, or at least begin the process of doing so. It has to have been something like that, cause I'm typically very subconsciously guarded emotionally (though consciously I do think of myself as an open person,) and I recognised everything that was going on that indicated I was being used and manipulated yet I did nothing about it. Part of it was that I was just so overwhelmed and numbed out for sure, but I'm certain this has happened specifically so I can learn from it and grow emotionally. Time will tell. I've got to say that I don't feel anger towards this person. I feel very philosophical about it all at the moment, and I feel that they did what they did to meet their emotional needs just like I all of us do, so maybe we used each other from a certain perspective, lol. That's getting really detached and philosophical about it though, but at least it means I'm well on my way back to normal, haha. Thanks very much for the support Susan. This is why i love youtube, I really needed some positive vibes after this experience and I really do get that from here. I hope you've been well other than being sick, and I hope you get better soon.

Sorry to hear you've been through some pain over christmas as well. I like how with the youtube stuff it seems to draw us all together though, so we can help each other with these situations. It's an incredible strength to have on our side dealing with this stuff, and that's what drew me into youtube in the first place. The difference between you and me though is that I probably have less experience with this kind of situation and that's why it hit me so hard. I went through a very similar kind of situation as a teenager and it was so intense for me that I've been emotionally numb about it since and subconsciously made a point of going way out of my way to avoid it happening again. I'm certain that's why I enjoyed spending most of the last year isolated in my room connecting with people through a camera, lol. Don't get me wrong I'm not anti social, but my relationships tend to be superficial, and so this recent situation is kind of like dealing with an emotional blind spot for me, which explains why I didn't do anything about it sooner before I got so negatively affected by it. I appreciate the words mate, I consider you a friend too, same goes for most of the regular commenters here. Cheers for the email, and if I ever want to talk more privately I'll let you know. Same goes for you, my email is grahamlaneyoutube@outlook.com Feel free to message me there anytime. Interesting choice of icon for steam though. I haven't watched Lupin III yet but it's on my list. Is it any good? Cheers again mate, thanks very much for the support. I hope you are doing better after what you went through. Take care.

Lupin is great, I definitely recommend giving Castle of Cagliostro a watch if you get the chance, it's easily one of the best animated movies I've seen. Solitude is definitely no bad thing, I've cut myself off from a lot of people over the last year and keep only a very small, loyal circle of friends now, I spend much of my time alone but it gives me a chance to be introspective and to get lost in reading, study and self improvement, so I understand your feelings. I think it's important to be open and honest, but equally important to be discerning about who you trust and let into your life. Hope things are well.

I'll give it a watch, cheers. I'm appreciating solitude more and more at the moment. Spending time with other people and opening myself up to the drama that many of them cause has really affected my ability to be productive and it's really pissing me off to put it bluntly. I really do have a lot to learn in regards to respecting my own need for emotional space for sure, and I agree completely that being open and honest is important, but it I really need to learn that it's ok to close myself off when I'm uncomfortable. Things are going pretty well mate, and I hope the same is true for you.

Your comment has touched me quite a bit mate. Dunno what else to call it the video now though, haha. Feels weird to me to be doing videos on this kind of stuff but I'm am a youtuber, it would feel weirder not to put this video out. Glad it came across so clear, this has been a very hard part of my life and I'm still in shock about it so I was worried I'd be a little off describing things. Glad to see my brain is working again, cause it's been dead for ages, lol. I'm really grateful for your encouraging words, I feel the same way about certain channels I like, (see the latest vlog for that though,) so I know what you mean. It's just weird to hear people saying it to me, especially after recent events in real life and how powerless I felt. That's the joy of youtube though, we can strengthen each other and that's something I don't take for granted. Though I wasn't prepared for this, it does make sense that something like this happened. I agree completely that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs and I will learn from this, in fact I started trying new things and ways of looking at life specifically because I know there is much for me to learn, and that's exactly what happened so once I've had enough time to get back together properly I'm sure this experience will serve me well. Thank you for the comment Alex. I'm really feeling the positive vibes right now, which is exactly what drew me into youtube in the first place so it's quite something to be feeling from my own channel. Take care mate.

Already feeling much better mate, thank you for kind comment.

Hey, thanks for the long comment. Sorry for my late reply, I like to take my time and make sure that I fully absorb the info in these longer ones and things have been hectic so I had to leave it for a while. Sorry to hear about your recent struggles. That's one of the reasons I stray away from trying to fix my health issues by focusing on external things like pills and treatments, even alternative ones that supposedly affect the things I focus on more directly than conventional medicine. My way of looking at things is that for the body to become dysfunctional or for our health to get worse there has to be a stimulus going on in our lives to cause that, it can't happen by accident. Deal with that stimulus and the body will fix itself is my view, so I don't like the idea of trying to address problems by adding new stimulus, cause anything can happen, they normally come with side effects cause of the way they'll try to rebalance things, and they normally don't deal with the core issue causing the health problem in the first place. I'd rather not fiddle with things because the body is so complex that we never really know what is going to happen even if things look clear cut. I'd be very interested in hearing your experience here, cause it sounds like it probably reaffirms my belief that dealing with the mental and emotional issues in our lives is the most important thing by far to address health issues. I'm glad to hear you're healing from it though. I'm doing pretty great too, there's some definite good that is going to come from my experience recently as it's basically been a chance for me to relive some old emotional issues that I still haven't processed, and if I am finally able to deal with them in a positive way then my health is bound to improve. I'm incredibly flattered by your words mate, I like to think that I make a positive impact on the world from these videos. That's what drew me into youtube in the first place, the ability to take small things and do massive good with them through this medium is something I haven't seen anywhere else to the same degree, and even though my channel is still small, to already be doing that is a feeling like no other. I agree with your two points completely. This recent experience has above all showed me just how much priority I need to give to my own feelings when interacting with the world. My emotional boundaries felt completely violated at one point with this situation, and when I intellectually recognised it and voiced that discomfort and tried to pull away it got even worse, so I'm not surprised I've been as affected as I have been. It really is a positive thing though, I doubt I'll ever let my feelings get disregarded like that again, and that's exactly the issue I had with the old trauma I've mentioned. Will probably take a video to sum up but that's likely to come out in my videos on obesity when I make more progress and get round to doing more of them. I really resonate with your second point mate. I am an open book completely with people, but I normally make a point of not allowing myself to be put into situations where it's likely to be a problem. That stems again from the past trauma I talk about where I got abused emotionally and was pushed way past my limits, but recently I've been exploring trying to deal with this issue and that's what has allowed me to end up in a situation where my open nature caused me problems, cause I think basically my brain is taking a backseat to my emotions for once and so I'm finally getting a chance to let that repressed pain out and it hurts like hell, haha. Again though, it's been an incredible learning experience and I wouldn't of done things any differently given the chance to. Thank you very much for your insightful comment. I really appreciate it, and it's really lifted me up reading it again today. I'm starting to feel much more like myself and your words have helped me a lot to process what's gone on for me recently. I'm looking forward to anything you want to talk about with your own experience recently, but above all I hope your health continues to improve. Thanks again, take care mate.

Good to hear from you Flavia. RU-vid sucks for notifications, they seem random as hell at the best of times so I'm not surprised you haven't seen the new uploads. Maybe it's cause I didn't upload for so long, who knows? I figured it would be good to share this stuff,as youtube is a big part of my life and something I want to get more into so it made sense to talk about my personal life a little bit, even if these kinds of videos tend to be something I personally associate with personality traits I don't want anything to do with. This stuff is what I'm talking about when I talk about mental and emotional stress though, and I figured that people might get something useful out of seeing my process to try to deal with it, cause that relates so strongly to my thoughts on health (including tinnitus,) so it would of been silly not to make a video on about it all. I appreciate the support Flavia, thank you. I'll go check the email now, might be a little while before I reply though, I've still got a few comments that I need to reply to first. Catch u soon.

Yup. Without getting into it now, I'll just say my life has been HELLA stressful for the past months - since mid-summer - and it's not been good for my tinnitus at all. The other night I had a stupid upset (with that woman I referenced in my email to you, from Facebook), and it upset me to the point that I was awake all night - I mean all night, not dropping off to sleep, finally, from sheer exhaustion, until 7am! Fortunately I make my own work hours and did not have to be up early, but still, I slept only 3 hours in the morning, had been up all night, and for me, that is disastrous for my emotional well being. When I don't get good or adequate sleep, it goes right to a feeling of very low depression. It's like my body can't distinguish plain "tiredness" from "depression". When I get 7-8 hours of sleep (or more, when I can manage it, rarely) I feel like a transformed person, and my best self shines forth. Amazing. So yeah, the tinnitus was made so much worse, and as I lay in bed that night, with thoughts of that upset with that person spinning round and round and round my brain, the tinnitus literally roared. It was quite an awful experience. But there was a calm for me in the midst of this "night storm", wherein I knew that the only reason it was roaring loud was because I was physically exhausted and emotionally very upset. I knew if I just waited for sleep to take me, my body could rest a bit, and the T would back down. It did, and the next day, although depressed, I got to bed at a normal hour, and then THAT night, slept well, and caught up a bit. But my overall stress in my life (mainly from needing to relocate from this area, and from lack of satisfying work, also being far from loved ones here), has kept my tinnitus from fully healing, and has allowed spikes to occur. It's just been very annoying, and rather discouraging. I feel positive however, despite all that, and have now set myself a goal for getting the f*ck out of here, moving from this location, by end of March! Just thinking of doing that, cheers me up and energizes me. Sorry for rambling message! No worries on any replies. I know you are swamped with many comments to reply to.

Sorry to hear things have been rough. I know how you feel with the poor sleep patterns, mine is still settling after everything that has gone on and it's really out of whack at the moment. It makes me feel completely disconnected from the world when it's like this and it makes every other negative feeling going on feel a million times worse. I finally woke up and saw some daylight today and it's like a night and day difference in how I feel (couldn't help the pun, sorry!) That feeling when the brain can't settle is horrible, and yeah, having the tinnitus means we have a gauge to read how much it's affecting us. It makes things quite tricky to manage cause it tends to lead to a negative cycle of worry that makes everything worse. As you know though, the way out of it is to find the calm in the middle of that storm. Takes practise to do it automatically but that's what really got my ringing to stay consistently down for the months leading up to this recent stress. I'm having to find the calm again and I'm doing well on that front, and it shows with my ringing as it's coming back down to normal after spiking with the stress. The more I relax the better it gets and it's interesting to go through that again and see it so clearly this time around. Sorry to hear life is preventing you from making the progress you know you could. It happens, but and there is always going to be external stress to worry about so personally I'd see it as a challenge, a chance to practise letting go even more. Granted I'm always looking for the positives with everything, but how we interpret stress is far more important than the stress itself so I'd say keep trying to reframe the things that are going on in a positive way and see where that takes you with your health and life in general. Glad to hear you are doing well on that front and still feeling positive. Keep that mentality and the rest of it will all slot into place with enough time. Cheers for the rambling message, it's nice to see other people doing them, haha. Pleasure talking with you Flavia, and I'll try to get round to that email later today. It always takes me longer with emails cause I tend to leave them until I've caught up with comments here on youtube first. I always get round to them in the end though. Catch you later.

Thanks so much, Gray. Really excellent advice, as always, and spot-on insight :)

January was a very rough month for me, but a hell of a learning experience and it's definitely done me good overall cause my emotional boundaries are stronger than ever because of it, and that was a major issue for me personally. And yeah vampiric sums it up quite well, but we're all only human and I get why it went down like it did with this situation. Hard for me to hold much against them with the way I look at things, and it is a nice feeling to know that I didn't stay down for long when things hit me hard emotionally, cause I know a lot of people that really wallow in the pain when things don't go their way even when it's only little things, and that's the last thing I want to be like. In a very roundabout way I think it's kind of flicked a switch in my brain that is making me want to be a life coach one day. Not sure yet but I'm starting to feel drawn towards it like I was with doing youtube videos. Guess we'll see, lol. Love and peace right back mate. Cheers.

Hey Darren, how have you been? We've still got to skype soon, it's been ages. That treatment sounds very promising, I'm glad to hear that some progress is being made on the front of genuinely treating hearing damage. I'm sure it could help many tinnitus sufferers by addressing the physical component to our ringing. I do stand by my thoughts on it where if the nervous system is in good shape overall then tinnitus is less likely to occur even with high amounts of hearing damage, but the more tools available to deal with all the factors involved the better, and this one sounds like a genuine treatment could possibly come of it down the line. Cheers for the info mate, and we really do need to skype again before long. I hope you've been well at any rate. Catch you soon.

Gray look for you soon brother.. X

Much appreciated buddy. I'm gonna be fine though, I'm already feeling a million times better and it's only been a couple of days since things got sorted. We do need to do another lets play together though, it's been ages. I'll come round somewhen soon and we'll sort something when you're free. Catch you soon.

Hey Ade, I'm happy to go into a bit more detail in private if you want, but really the worst of it for me is sheer emotional exhaustion and the physical effect that's had on me, and not so much a case of being hurt so I know I'm gonna be fine with enough sleep. I'm not used to my emotional boundaries being disregarded like this though, and the level of manipulation used against me to do so after I voiced clearly and repeatedly how badly I was being affected has been a little shocking to me to take on. I'm already feeling much more like myself though, the biggest thing for me to sort now is to get my sleeping pattern back to normal and I'm sure I'll be fully recovered when that happens. I definiely want to get back to training and I'd love to hear what you and your sister would come up with for me. I'm happy to post what I've been doing so far if you want a look. I really appreciate the support and I'm looking forward to seeing you guys again sometime in the near future. We'll definitely wait for the weather to get warmer first though, but hopefully I'll see you all soon. Catch you later.

Just replied on your 2nd video .Sounds like this individual did a real number on you..when I was younger... I had people whom I thought I was close to and trusted go ahead and screw me over ... more than once...made me become rather bitter and numb... so I understand the emotional boundaries being disregarded that affected you... never underestimate peoples ability to disappoint and shock with their thoughtlessness towards others....something I learnt as I got older...its finding that balance of taking people at face value and having faith in... good nature ... but not letting someone take advantage of your own...Good to hear your feeling more like yourself. As I have said.....email me if you want to and fill me in. Ade .