My mother was toxic and a narcissit. I refused to raise my daughters that way | Lynn Ngugi Show 

How do we ignore the fact that she looks too good for a 49 year old.

A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER WILL 1. ENMESH HER SONS 2. EMASCULATE HER HUSBAND 3. TREAT HER DAUGHTER AS A COMPETITOR 4. TREAT HER DAUGHTER IN LAW AS A THREAT

I reasonate with her story.People just don’t know how being raised by a toxic mum is hurtful.😭😢it’s even harder trying to reclaim one’s life.

We should stop making excuses for our narcists parents. Wow, am 46 and just realised there is some childhood trauma am yet to deal with. I need to apologize to my kids too. Thank you for sharing.

I've been dealing with this for years and the worst thing about it is how society blames us for cutting contact or choosing to remain distant. Its time for the African community to also acknowledge toxic mothers as much as we talk about toxic fathers.

That's my mom. Extremely proud daughter

Many parents in our time were like this. They made us feel like we interrupted their important lives and we need to grow up quickly succeed in life and pay back for spending all their money and time. Abused people abuse people.

Story of my life. When you tell people parents can be toxic, they call you disrespectful or ungrateful. People are depressed and others are committing suicide because of toxic family members. If you have an opportunity to distance yourselves from them please run and cut contact.

Guys let's appreciate her eloquence in English...she looks very beautiful at 50's God will sure reward all she lost❤️

Not every woman should have children. Some women can never be mothers no matter how much they try.

Hi Ann.I was also born in 1972.Mum gave me away at 3 years of age to her younger sister.I went through hell as my antie had pathological hatred towards me.Mom hates me up to today.Whenever she gets a chance she slanders me but for the last five years I just left her alone,forgave her and moved on.God has been my father and mother and OK now.

Lynn please do more stories like this..We talk about toxic fathers, husbands but we rarely talk of Toxic mothers

Ann is my colleague. She is a fantastic soul easy to work with. Great lesson from your experiences

Anyone gonna talk about her getting a D+ in high-school and later on flying so high academically🤔?SOMETIMES IT'S NOT LACK OF INTELLIGENCE IT'S LACK OF FOCUS.So impressive.

Isn’t it inspiring that this lovely lady shared the dichotomy between her mother and herself, demonstrating that she made a choice to be a better parent to her children. Love her children, care and nurture them in the right way regardless of their gender and regardless of how she was brought up. 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽

Beautiful beautiful story! I’m Nigerian, and I could relate with everything you said. Watching and listening to you has been really therapeutic. One of the things that used to be so frustrating was when I tried to speak up about it,and I was hushed like it was some sort of taboo,Africans,we need to sit up. What I’m so grateful about is that no matter how hard she tried to drive a wedge between my siblings and I,she never succeeded (another reason I think she despises me). I’ll definitely keep loving and caring for her,but it’s going to be from a distance. With love from Lagos.

No one notices how Lynn is dressed up.so amazing.i love you lynn

My mother literally feels jealous and she is never happy of any of my achievements. She always blame us for not being successful at her young age as me and my sister. I don’t even share good News with her anytime. She sabotages my job, my college and even my relationship with a good man

I can relate to this so much, the hardest part is actually accepting that they will never change and all you can really do is block and move on. Otherwise your childhood experience will keep repeating itself..

Oh man...13 minutes into the interview and I'm already crying because that's what I've been going through. Conditioned compliance...I didn't know it had a name. Among the worst case is her calling me ugly and unrespectable lady in the society. Did a number on my esteem for years I can't even explain it. Emotional abuse is the worst. Still healing, and distance has helped a lot. Working on forgiving, but not interested in trying to build a relationship with her. 'She's still your mother' is a statement one should never think of saying. I swore to never have kids because of how I was treated. I hope for better days.

I can relate,, the worst thing about emotional abuse is that it has no evidence, and it kills and destroys you day by day, you become conditioned to funny defend mechanism, am glad people are coming out to talk about it ❤️❤️❤️

My take home - Books don't lie. When the opportunity presents itself, take it with both hands. New word - Guilt tripping, conditioned compliance. How often have we been guilt tripped? and yes, sometimes conditioned compliance is the way to go for peace lovers. I love peace. When something will not add value to me, avoid it than start those endless wars.

My mum did this to our firstborn sister, it was bad and it also affected me. Unfortunately, my sister wasnt well off financially, so I can imagine how it feels when one is rejected and no money or livelihood.

I am a man with a father who has a narcissistic personality. Growing up my image of manhood was violence, egotistic behaviors, manipulation, lack of empathy and other toxic behaviors. This distorted my sense of what it means to be a human and a man in this world. But, I finally started to seek help 1 year ago because my childhood trauma was catching up with me. Just know that your testimony, as a fellow African, really touched my heart.

i love how composed she was while narrating her story.i would have broken down a million times.thats one stong woman ❤️

I think there is a generation of people probably those born between 1960-1989 who were brought up by very toxic parents. Had these parents gone through traumatic childhoods that they passed on the anger and bitterness to their children? Only God knows Peace and love to everyone suffering inside

Some parents are a curse. This lady’s blessings came through as a result of cutting off with her evil mother…. You cannot be a blessings to someone who doesn’t want your blessings.

Finally this topic needs to be addressed. Narcism and emotional abuse from parents . Kwanza our African parents don't realize how they suppress their children's emotions by denying them an opportunity to express themselves. Also the thing about resorting to violence for every mistake eventually amplifies emotional abuse.

I know most of 90's babies can relate,mums wakiwa na stress walikua wanakuja kututolea by beating us ruthlessly...But thank God we are here we are,through God's grace.

Two topics that are always discussed in hushed tones 1. A narcissist parent especially a female parent. It is assumed that all mothers are angels and she must have been going through some pain to harm or do bad things to you 2. A stepfather topic. A stepmother is a normal and acceptable discussion. Feminists and bitter women assume a mother cannot be replaced but a father is he who brought you up. So the role of a father is more of provision rather than biological.

It was so refreshing to hear Anne Njugi's story. We have been taught to 'love your mother, she's the only mother you have.' It is taboo to turn your back on an emotionally, psychologically abusive mother. We tell our girls to leave abusive husbands and boyfriends, however never abusive mothers. My mother is also abusive narcissist. Her method of abuse was rarely physical, however she has called us names, she has said many times that she wishes she never had us, she's always angry and miserable, always wants her way, never listens with understanding " her way or the highway." My siblings and i are in our 50th and we still suffer from her dysfunctional behavior ... I have tried to be a good daughter, but she lashes out at me. Finally, I just blocked her. When she tells the story, she cries and always blames us. All we want to do is live our lives in peace. Thank you Anne. God Bless you and family.

Thank you for sharing this story, which is also mine. We have been socialised to think of mothers as the more nurturing parents so it's difficult for most people to believe that toxic mothers exist. Which makes it hard for emotionally abused women to get help. And they probably end up projecting their hurt to their daughters. I'm glad Anne has spared her girls this pain

My parents marriage taught me that being married is not everything 🌚can't tolerate abuse just for a title of being Mrs Nani🌝.

I believe her first and unforgivable sin was to be her father’s favorite child. Often times that puts a girl child in the path of a narcissistic mother’s anger. This is triggering in so many ways and it’s often spoken in hushed tones in African families. Thank you for sharing your story

I have a similar Mum & Dad. One is a Covert & other a Malignant Narcissist - the worst type of parents a child can wish for & going no contact is the only resolution once you get out & be labeled a scapegoat

"Family can be toxic." Learnt that this year.

i always say family should not be the reason you have a bad life. walk away from them and find happiness

When you’re a parent you must watch your mouth all the time anything you say or do may build or destroy your child for life.

This talk was very educative and a wake up call to us single parents, at times we transfer our pains to our innocent children... I also don't have a good relationship with my mom because she does not seem to approve of me being as good as other daughters of hers and when my marriage failed, it made it worse. I am a born again Christian and have tried all the time to be close to her but she is always negative, criticizes what ever I say, whatever I dress, so whenever am going to see her I dress like a villager, just to be comfortable around her...mine is not so bad to your level but it's not good still... It's true, it's real a parent can become toxic and manipulative. Thank God you have overcome and out to help others. Be blessed.

If you have not encountered a narcissitic mother, you will never understand this video. It is hell. It diminishes you. You try to make strides in life, your mother drags you back. Sisi tumejionea hii dunia.

Thanks for choosing to share this because Apparently most of us who grew up in the 80s /90s suffered from narcissistic parents which is never spoken in our society and that has continously affected our lives and left us broken as adults.. Am glad that you choose to be better than bitter am also molding myself into a better person.

She is well spoken. I love the end, " The World loves you .Know you are worthy."

We are in a society where we are not supposed to talk about toxic and narcissistic parents. So we continue to suffer even as adults.

I don't know where to start but I have gone through exactly what she has talked about. I don't have a relationship with my mom. To date I believe she hates me for the things she made me go through. She used to say that I made her life miserable. There is a time I tried asking her why she made me go through that and all she does is to play victim and shift on blames. I have never gone back home since 2012. I am married with two children . My husband's people have tried reaching out to her but she just doesn't want anything to do with my marriage and children at times she calls and says I got married without her permission. She is Toxic, narcissist and always playing vitim, always pointing fingers at me to say m the mother of her problems. Calling my mother in law to say I am an evil daughter. Everytime I think about my mother I feel bitter. I am trying to come to terms with it. I haven't healed . I am also trying to be a different mother to my children. Ann I don't know how you do it. But I need to heal. To heal from the childhood traumas I had. To heal from my mother hating me for no apparent reason. I am not even comfartable talking to people about my mum .I hope one day I will be at a better space and accept things the way they are.

Narcissistic parents especially mothers exist but the few with good mother's think the ones saying it are ungrateful.she gave birth to you to nurture you and love you no-one ever asked to be born to who or when they were born.

The way I hold grudges!! How she survived to the extent of wanting to gift her mum shouts of her as an angel. Be blessed Anne

The reason why she refused that you don’t go to boarding is because she scapegoated her and narcissist thrive in your tears

Fact is most women who lived/married in the 70s-90s were very miserable women, who felt like they had no choice in life.

Toxic and Narcissist mothers are spoken of in hushed tones lest we are considered disrespectful. If we shared we would be surprised by the statistics. . .

As a daughter who was brought up by a narcissistic mother,I feel moved to compassion hearing such stories. By God's grace we are nolonger victims but Victors and overcomers.

Living with a narcissist dad is even more worse coz he wants to control ur life even as a grown up,insults are the order of the day like nothing good comes from u but wen he wants money or stuck somewhere he feels entitled that u MUST sort his problem out.its very stressful so I feel her pain.

Africa will be prosperous society when we drop beliefs such as 1.A woman being a mother means everything 2.A mother means they are sweet, caring and loving 3.Just because a woman has children doesn't make her a saint or better than others 4.Motherhood,as beautiful as it is,must be encouraged as a matter of choice not gender! 5.Parents ARE NOT ANGELS,THEY ARE GROWN CHILDREN! 6.Stating the limitations of parents doesn't negate their value in any way,alot of times simply speaking is healthy and healing!

Now this is somehow my Mum's story... My grandmother is one toxic manupilative narcissist who has a hold on my mum. She tried to get me into her manipulative tactics but I stopped her and she tried to turn my mum, uncles and auntie against me. Unfortunately she has broken up my mum and her brothers. My mum at some point was knowingly or unknowingly spreading that toxicity to me but I stopped her. I wrote a 5page letter opening up to her(that was in July 2021) before that, she had disowned me for some time(story for another day) which had forced me to live with my grandmother, that's when I got to see my granny's true colors and got to understand her level of narcissm. After I wrote the letter, I went back home and now my mum and I have a smooth relationship. Unfortunately my mum isn't able to breakaway from her toxic mother😞

I think she's telling my story😩😩😩😩 my mother and I don't talk at all 😩😩I would rather tell a stranger my pain than tell my mom

hi Lynn i am a silent follower, but this story for Anne has made me break the silence. So Many people are being brought up or have experienced narcissistic parenting. Anne thank you for uplifting many that one can break from such and make a good life out of the ashes and shackles of a narcissistic parenthood. God bless you

It's okay for us to admit mothers at times compete with their daughters, whether it's their fathers love, beauty etc and project all that onto their daughters, it would explain all the jealousy and the strained relationships and how they treat their daughters poorly(love hate relationship) yet adore their sons. It would also explain the mother-in-law dynamic, same same root causes...

I have a male friend going through this even in his late 40s. He is abused daily and the mother telling him hurtful things like how she regrets giving birth to him, he's useless etc. The man is 47, unmarried and no kids. Thinking that these might have contributed to his life situation

I know what she is going through, I spent years trying to understand my family. I was my fathers favorite, but I lived in constant fear of my mother, her harsh words still ring in my ears even as a 30 year old woman. I became very good at putting up a face, I've been a workaholic & insomnia thanks to my upbringing. Sometimes when I think of sleep I would hear her say "you're lazy", "art will take you nowhere", "you're a failure"... I was an invisible child in a well-to-do dysfunctional home. Having narcissists is hard to explain but all you have in a story. I hated being gaslighted, belittled & slander... But there is power standing for yourself. I thank God, I'm in the process of healing.

I'm happy this story was aired...people think family cannot be toxic and yet they can be. As much as humans are deceitful....a toxic family member, especially a mum is sad. I'm glad too she did not cry after remembering all these. God bless you mama.

Boarding school was the best part of life. Kumbe tuko Wengi who found peace in a boarding school.

One thing I love about this channel is that Lynn Ngugi & everyone of the interviewees thus far are firmly rooted in God. It’s a wonderful thing to watch.

If you choose to bring a life in to the world, it is your responsibility to give that child your best regardless of what you are going through. You are not doing the child a favour. It is their right .

I know what she's talking about, I'm now 33 years old and even afraid to have my own children because I'm afraid I might hurt them the way I was hurt by my mother, my father left her when she was pregnant, she'd beat me up and take off my hair like she's fighting and I wasn't fighting, when I started working she felt like I should give her money and do everything for her until I stopped answering her calls for a year coz she was forcing me to support my younger sister and still so ungrateful say hurtful things. But my past really doesn't define me.

I can bet those brothers were waiting for Anne to transfer the Title Deed to their mother then after she dies they claim the land as theirs in never ending court battles.

I totally relate......I completely isolated myself from my shosh as she was a complete narcissist.......the moment I left home I didn't have the energy to go back and face all the emotional trauma I faced growing up.

Thank you Anne for sharing your story.Im a South Africa going through almost something similar and people have been telling me it's strange, but you sharing this just made me feel I'm not alone

I believe there are quite a number of us(children of 70s era born town) that went through the same challenges with your mothers. As for me, I was lucky because my grandmother saved and protected from my mother, otherwise things could have turned out very bad. RIP Cucu... ..I miss you so much.🙏🙏

My sister just shared with me this link on WhatsApp and I just laughed remembering how both us relate to this story todate. I keep praying for my mum to find healing.

This is amazing. Sad as it is it finally great to know that I'm not in my head. Always thought I'm the only one who has experienced this kind of treatment from a parent.

😭😭😭😭 the story of many. We have all in some ways been conditioned to be self defensive due to childhood trauma. Thanks for sharing dear 🙏🙏🥰. Love u Lynn

I thought am all alone 😭😭😭😭 ,I believe something bigger is coming on my way,thanks Lynn Ngugi for motivating me,I still love her despite all

I love how self aware she is

Am watching this and and am literally 😭😭 bcoz am seeing my life in her.. got married whn I was 18yrs just to be away from my mum...some parents will never see heaven

Seems we're so many people suffering childhood trauma and toxic parents it's a shame to even tell people that your own mum rebukes when things are not going well with you and you wonder where to run to...I pray that everyone who's going through this may you find peace and healing 🥺

My wounds have refused to heal. I hope that one day I'll get over it. Thanks for this Lynn.

I'm a American woman and I'm only 28. I went through everything she has mentioned.

Anne Njugi! From my experience, please keep your children and Husband away from your Mother! Mine came between me and my husband and even attempted brainwashing my children into hating me . Even after forgiving her evil.

Anne ,despite all the betrayals n loss ,God was in control🙏🙏💯❤ you're a warrior! His grace is sufficient.

I love all your stories Lynn, but if there is one that I feel 100% relating to, is this one. I feel so happy for her achievements in life, God has been faithful. Bring more of toxic parent issues, we suffer in the name of not exposing them or being disrespectful, but let's call a spade a spade not a big spoon.

Talking about how our parents treat us is a very sensitive matter cz many will make you feel ungrateful even though many of us out here have the same story...!Kudos😍😍

You have done well Shiku, bitterness kills people.. Your choice of being better waa excellent. keep winning gal👏

Listening to her speak reminds me of my old days, OMG my Aunt🙌🥺thank God for his faithfulness, I came out strong.

If the family you chose before your birth no longer supports your path towards fulfilling your true destiny, it is never too late to find a new tribe

I can relate to this as well ... ,😭😭😭. You never heal you choose to distance yourself

Until now nimejua tuko wengi I wont worry but I will choose better n a better and best mummy to my kid now I know why I have bitterness sometimes

One thing that we don not talk about is our toxic parents. When we do, we make jokes out of it; and it is not healthy at all. We need to to stop normalizing abuse from any quarters, not even from family.

The brothers and Mum are jealous of how how life went. God had you. Your mum wished you ill and wanted you to have a miserable life like hers and your heart was pure.. God was guiding you all the way. God always judges the intentions of the heart and you were innocent. He had to defend you. I am very moved by your story and your spirit. Thank you for sharing. Sending you peace and light❤ And Lynne Thank you so very much for bringing us this story. Happy birthday to your mum and Director. Bless❤

Lynn the message is fundamental. Definately plenty of lessons learnt. Parents need to hear Anne's story to bring to their awareness what damage they cause to their children and likewise to themselves. Keep it up Lynn. I love your shows. I will be contacting Anne Njugi.

This has been my situation for the longest time and i have no idea how to navigate through it. This year has been the worst and really taking a toil on me, weighed myself recently and realized I've lost 14kgs in two months. Cant find a job when i really want to move but I'm trusting on God. Haya ni mapito tu. Thanks for sharing Anne. I'm hopeful

And why do people say when you grow up with rejection you might end up being rejected in everything like the spirit will follow you .... but hear this story it's different 🥰

Thank you for sharing this story, I can truly relate, I always wondered why my own mum always accused me of everything, one statement I remember is her saying she wishes she could swallow me and go back to where I came from and like you I was terrified of baby girls and I have 2, yes and when I was getting married she told me that I have made my own bed of tears, but I choose to be better. God bless you for this, I feel encouraged!!!

Anne, really sorry for what you went through. Glad you are healing. And from the comments here, you coming out has helped so many people come forth and briefly in-here talk about their experiences too. Society has a mindset that all mothers are protective and loving so that if a mother and a daughter have a scuffle, it must be the daughter on the wrong, how sad. May everyone who has gone through a similar situation find healing.

Am listening to this and i feel like she is narrating my story 😭😭😭

For me is how she got school fees scholarships and nice jobs. Gods favor indeed. May God remember me too to get such scholarships

I'm really glad for this story, my cousins wife shared with me due to the things my mother made me go through, in almost 30 now n I'm always afraid to have a baby girl with the fear of not giving her the love she deserves since i don't know how to. This has really helped me and i can't thank you enough.

Thank you Anne for sharing your story. I'm glad to listen to someone go through similar problems and relate a lot to your story. It gives me hope that I will be able to rebuild my life and myself, and also hope for happiness in the future. May abundance and happiness keep coming into your life

May her MIL continue RIP ,she was such a nice person n moreso caring mom🙏❤💯

Ann you look great! Thank you for sharing your story with us, though painful we have learnt. Sorry for what you have gone through, you didn’t deserve that. Lyn your stories are very impactful and are needed at this time in our country. Thank you, we appreciate your work.

(;I chose to be Better not Bitter) Bitterness is a cancer!!! I've learned This from Shiku. Thank you Lyn for bringing her here. She's a living testimony