The thing is, I pretty much live the "that girl lifestyle", but in no way does it feel like this aesthetic. I get straight A's, work out 5 days a week and eat pretty healthfully, and work at a restaurant 15 hours a week. However, it doesn't feel clean, satisfying or like I'm put together. I'm constantly stressed, tired and often feel disappointed. The problem with the "that girl" aesthetic is that it's portrays as something easy and fulfilling, when in reality it's exhausting and can ultimately ruin your mental health.
I`ve been that girl, i woke up at 5:15 am to get ready to go swimming , then i will quickly shower and have my healthy breakfast ( will swallow everything asap)to get on time to my 8 hours work shift , at night i will try to meditate or have a stretching routine ( my body was so tired )and this will happen every single day except on weekends. At one point i felt like a robot, i felt BAD! i had to stopped for a while. So i started to woke up later, having a calm breakfast and i stopped working out . everyone is telling you this is OK but in reality it can be so exhausting to try to have a "healthy" "better" life is NOT THAT EASY. And i wasn't following the THAT GIRL TREND,i was just trying to be a better version of myself but is not that easy or aesthetic .So i totally agree with you.
Exactly! I literally ended up with an injury from how hard I was working out. I would wake up, workout, do my homework, do yoga, then go to work and then rinse and repeat that cycle the next day. Productivity is all hot or whatever until you’re burnt out and tired 🥲
I used to live it and it was great for me, because I was doing for me and I came to all the conclusions about what I needed to do on my own based on the way I had been living prior to that and the things I felt motivated to do and accomplish. I woke up at 5 am to catch a bus to the skatepark where I'd rollerskate until about 8 or 9 am when it got too hot or busy, and I could do this because I'd dropped out of high school due to illness based on my diet and my parents made enough money to support me without me needing to work. I would eat healthy because as just mentioned I had been diagnosed with coeliac disease and had to entirely restructure my eating habits around my now much more limited range of foods, most of which were healthy and required making from scratch unlike the instant mac and cheese I'd been basically surviving off of before. I lost a lot of weight quite quickly though, and started to feel lethargic and shaky and sick a lot of the time, because I was overworking myself. I was working out too much and not eating enough, my sleep was off, everything sucked, and I had to completely overhaul that again when I went back to finish school because I knew I couldn't cope. I stopped doing it when it stopped working just like I started doing it because it was working, your lifestyle choices should be flexible and made in response to your current circumstances, never based on trends or stupid ideals about what healthy really means.
Idem. I wake up at 5 am, eat my healthy breakfast, study Greek, workout 4xweek, get high grades and do at least 1h of cardio exercise (walk, bike, skating) EVERY SINGLE DAY. I crack down crying if a friend offers me a pasta plate for lunch. I can't stay up and go out at night because I'm too tired. I have an ed and neurodivergency - it's really not an aesthetic
@@user-qf4xw1ov4y Same happened to me. I will be so tired of my routine that i hated to go out. The weekends were my rest day,so i would REST and i didn't wanted to do anything . On sunday i will be stressed out preparing everything for the the week. Is good having a routine , is good to eat healthy and is good to exercise but it can easily become so TOXIC
i'm so excited to hear your thoughts on this! to me, 'that girl' content gives off the same vibes as ;12 hour study with me's, glow up videos, toxic productivity, diet culture and "wellness" trends. there's so much material for comparison it can be damaging to impressionable viewers. there's nothing wrong with wanting to form better habits and striving for a healthier happier lifestyle, but this trend seems to take it to the extreme...
Oh god the 12 hour study vlogs would make me feel like a piece of shit... Especially when i watched them while i was mentally drained and dropped studying for days or weeks even. Im an example of how depending on acedemic succes for your self esteem dont work and you dont turn out to be a straight A student... doesn't stop me from being jealous of work obsessed people who are succesful asf tho ...
Glad I’m not the only one who feels guilty about missing workout routines. On my off days, I still find myself trying to go for walks or lifting weights to make up for it, even though it’s supposed to my day to recover. Hell, I’m laying in bed sick today and most of thoughts are “Damn I’m not getting in steps today.” Thanks for pointing that out! Congratulations on all the subs! You deserve it!
my exact thoughts right now! i’m learning how to feel better about missing a couple of workouts because i’m busy or sick. but most of the time i feel guilty and lazy :(
@@kimora69 I got spine injuries that forced me to stop overexercising, but instead I was taking antidepressants to suppress appetite and numb my obsessive thoughts. I probably have OCD to start with and I fear that I'm going too far again
A lot of people think that if they follow this lifestyle, they're going to suddenly become successful, their crushes are gonna fall on their knees, they'll get more attention or they'll suddenly become happy but the reality is different. Just because someone online says they wake up at 4 am to meditate and eat toast with avocado for lunch, doesn't mean that doing anything other than that will make you a "failure". These people THRIVE and PROFIT off of making others feel inadequate. In fact, all those "how to be an enterpreneur" videos that cater to men are the EXACT SAME thing as these "how to be that girl" videos that are catered to us women. Achieve your goals on your own terms.
yeah i agree so much- especially the whole happyness side of it. i think so many of us fall into the trap of thinking that 'if i dress better' or 'if i loose weight' or 'if i have a glow up' i will become happier but it just doesnt work like that. becuase all of those things are not what will bring you joy or pull your life together. when you reach the 'goal', your life wont suddenly be better. insecuritys are profit and the likelyhood is that none of these things would matter to you if they werent forced apon all of us by the society we live in
@@no1inparticular487 I blame the movies and media for brain washing us. Cause you'll see how every time the lead character has a "glow up", suddenly their crush starts noticing them, the mean girls get jealous, they are accepted into the school of their dreams, etc. It doesn't happen that way in real life.
well u will become successful and be happier. taking control of ur life and going after ur dreams and goals. being healthier and having a healthy body, eating right, working out. waking up at a reasonable time cuz i see girls bragging about sleeping all day which isnt a flex. this lifestyle will save ur life and help u come out of depression it did it for me. meditation and clearing ur mind manifesting also what helps with this lifestyle. this is supposed to help u reach ur highest potential and living ur life purpose. but i dont think its toxic at all.
@@w1nt3r72 but if a depressed person adopts this lifestyle will they feel any better? no. if your sad ur sad. its just like if u had a car that was broken down and not drivable. if the oil is low, the water in the car is empty, the tire is flat, do u think getting a paint job, new rims, etc. is going to fix that? no. i mean now u have a pretty good and new looking vehicle but its still not fixed.
Yeah, I just wanna hug the teenage girls eating this up. I feel so bad for them, they won't be teenagers much longer, there's so much to life than....this.
@@LisaOnyimonyi this made me feel so good about myself. I had an obsession with my body from the time I was 8 (I’m almost 13 now) and although my relationship with food has always been great and I’m starting to gain a little bit more confidence, I still workout everyday and listen to subliminals just to try to get my dream body. I feel like my childhood is already gone and I can’t get it back; and while I am okay with being mature for my age, I just feel like I never got the chance to just be me and be a kid bc of all the pressure that was put on me by society and because I’m such a people pleaser. Sorry for the rant I just needed to get this off my chest.
This trend makes me feel like the purpose is to become someone other people feel jealous of... It seems like performative wellness, which would honestly leave me feeling hollow and sad
Y’all being “that girl” is unrealistic, just focus on being kind to yourself and taking care of yourself and do it in a version that is suitable for you! This your life, you have the the steering wheel.
so glad you talked about this! i feel like the name of it, “that girl” really shows how much the platforms it’s on (short form media and pictures, where your personhood/individuality is less visible) affects the way it operates. like, you are not seeing what you are doing through your own eyes but through the eyes of jealous girls and the male gaze. very margaret atwood vibes.
Your analysis on diet and exercise is spot on. When I went to highschool I worked out 6 days a week 2 hours a day. Now that I'm a mom and I work full time it's like I have no time. And I hate when people are like "there are 24 hrs in a day you only need 8 hours of sleep." Okay but I work 12 hr shifts. I have to prep breakfast and lunch for my son. I have to clean and cook. Make dinner and prep work food for my finance because he works overnight. I barely get 5 hrs of sleep let alone 2 hrs a day to work out
i feel like a lot of the trends start of wholesome like “that girl” was like getting your life together then it turned into this. “the body positivity movement” start with accepting normal bodies but now the bbl trend (which is very deadly) even the natural hair movement (this one was accepting black hair and trying to get rid of discrimination in the work place or schools because of hair) but then was taken over by people who had a more acceptable hair texture. people with type 4 hair were also being shamed for there hair at the time. it seems like the trends start of really nice and good and then go down hill
Yes, totally true about the hijacking of the natural hair movement. Its been diluted into a curly girl thing and, ironically, the 4C textures that it was birthed from are at the margins.
yes!! it’s so weird how the movement was started by the type 4’s, especially 4c, and now it’s just a bunch of mixed girls with type 2/3 hair running the movement…why?2?3!;!;$,
Back in 2010s i watched so many daily routine & a day in my life videos from 1st world country rich vloggers, while i'm just an average middle class person from a 3rd world country. My stupid baby brain thought their days were so perfect and those were how a perfect life should looked like. I mean they looked really good when they woke up, wore nice clothes, nice baths and did some serious bussiness stuffs while still able to have fun with their friends. Who doesn't want that right? Then i started to mimic what they eat and wear, only to fail miserably and felt bad at the end of the day for not meeting that perfect daily routine. They kept making all these daily vlogs and it became repetitive and boring, but i still watched those videos. And one day it came to my head that why the fuck i put so may effort and time just to live like them while i live in different country with different climate and culture? They might never know the struggle had to go through each day, not saying my life was bad but still. I felt so stupid and start to unsubscribe their channel. Gradually, i start to appreciate my life better. I learn my lesson It sucks these kind of contents still is happening today. While i dont think these people have bad intention. This still may make people romaticize and obsessed with this 'perfect life' imaginery, just like i did
this trend motivated me to start actually doing things for myself like reading, studying, and eating better to feel better and exercising to have more energy bc i feel like shid all the time 😗
Same ! I started to exercise and eating healthier because my psychologist told me it helps a lot with depression. I am also trying to reduce my social media time to remplace it with piano and reading ! It makes me feel so much better and I feel like I am becoming the best version of myself When you want to be the best of yourself, you need to know what YOU want to be, not what society told you to be. Like "that girl" would shame me for thinking that spending 2 hours on a videogame on a Saturday is fun when finishing a good video game can be so fulfilling (I love Horizon Zero Dawn and Detroit Become Human) or when I am playing piano for example I don't spend an hour but 20 minutes and it's better than nothing. And I will not play classics (which is seen as better) but movie soundtracks that I love. But even when I do this I don't have the body or the face of "that girl" and honestly I don't care, what matters is being healthy, and having fun, not trying to be pretty or living for the approval of others. And even if you're unhealthy I honestly believe that it's not tragic because today people believe that being unhealthy = bad morals when it's truly not the case. There are so many ways to be unhealthy and even "these girls" can be lowkey unhealthy with their self worth linked to their routine and achievement. Shaming the unhealthy have never made somebody healthier.
Same for me. I didnt realize how other people were using this content to hate on themselves but now I realize that EVERY trend will be used by somebody to shit on themselves. Which leads to videos like this😪
Thank you for making this. So frustrated with the pressure for ppl (often women) to appear as if they have their lives together - it feels like SO much of this trend is about how others perceive/judge you.
The internet ruins everything. There’s nothing wrong with becoming “That Girl”. But people made it a trend , and once it’s a trend it starts to become toxic. Become that girl is becoming the best version of yourself, making yourself feel better etc, not copying the next person trying to be like them from start to finish. That’s where they messed up.
Yess , the problem is the posting part for me, the truth is that people that are truly happy don't need to post there life , I readed a book and the author said that if you constantly saying that you are perfect is because you aren't ,and makes sense
@@keymepx4428 so what are people supposed to post ? What is “appropriate” to post if people can’t simply post what they do, eat, wear, think, etc. isn’t that the point of social media?
@@keymepx4428 there’s no NEED for social media, people do it for enjoyment. People are capable of living without it. But people enjoy posting what they want.
@a_fever_dream ♡ honey, nobody is talking about getting on anybody else's case for being "productive." It's already stupid to tell people to "mind their own business" about things that other people have voluntarily posted on social media, but to seemingly not understand that people are fully capable of living this way without centering their social media presence around it? Yikes.
I had an eating disorder for years that started when I was only 12. I also have obsessive tendencies (I'm getting assessed for a lot of stuff currently, including potential ocd.) Daily workout routines were hell. My experience with a """healthy""" routine that was part of my eating disorder has completely reshaped how I perceive routine as a whole, and exercise. The concept of a routine and exercising regularly & alone are to this day still terrifying for me. I guess I'm not fully recovered. I can barely exercise in groups and clubs settings. I can't maintain or even start a routine to this day. Routine sounds like a cage, purposefully doing things at the same time everyday has become scary and in my mind it's all bleak. Now I know this is a bit of an extreme case because I'm a mentally ill person and I am prone to spiraling into unhealthy habits. I know my experience isn't everyone else's and I'm not trying to push it over other people. That's why I didn't try to oppose fitness culture as a whole, I'm genuinely glad to know there are people out there who are capable of following such healthy lifestyle and for whom it helps making their lives better or who get inspiration from these pages. I simply wanted to share the reverse because not everyone can do that. I can't without being sick. It has greatly fucked my relationship with food/exercise/productivity/routine for a long time; So yea it can also cause harm and for me it ended up being counterproductive as I can only eat and exercise intuitively if not at all ever since. Sure this is very personal. But such ideals (similar to the "that girl" trend) are one of the things that made me spiral into years of painful obsession.
I’m disabled and I understand what you mean so intimately, for people who are “healthy” routine is really important ( and even for disabled or neurodivergent ppl! it’s all individual) I just get really frustrated when people emphasize the importance of routine because it DOES feel like a cage. I may not be the most productive but productivity isn’t a measure of the value of my life. I think when a trend becomes a culture (as the term is used online) people stop being critical of the underlying themes and whether they are contributing to them negatively. Elitism, ableism, economic privilege and whiteness are so ever-present that it can sometimes be hard to parse those things out of everyday things we as individuals engage with. But as iris mentioned this is definitely something that builds on itself. I’ve been thinking about the line between negativity and being critical and how often people call critical analysis negativity. Ppl are entitled to their opinions obviously but it just gets exhausting having to defend opposition to things like this especially when it’s rooted in personal experience. Ableism is so ever present that it’s mind boggling to start to recognize it and how intertwined it is w capitalism and whiteness as how morality is attached to things which are privileges to be able to engage in to begin with. Thank you for sharing your experience, it must have been really hard to talk abt. I just want to let you know that yours is probably a lot more common than you realize and that voices like yours and mine are actually the voices that are often talked over. I wonder sometimes if experiences like this are a silent majority so to speak. Your voice is valuable and I don’t think you’re talking over anyone (esp people who are privileged) for sharing your experience
You are not alone. As someone who has been in recovery from an ED for a few years, I cannot ignore all of these unhealthy behaviours that I see everywhere. They make me worried about society, especially young people. Maybe not all people who participate in it have or will have an ED, but their workout routines and eating habits are very, very disordered. I remember my ED was absolute hell for me, and I see the same behaviours in these fitness circles as well. I was working out obssesivelly (literally every day, nothing could stop me), I was calorie counting, eating 'clean', portioning everything, body-checking, weighing myself all the time... The worst thing is: I was so miserable, it was the only control I had at the time and I thought it made me better than everyone else. When I saw someone eat a cookie, I would laugh and think: ha, they are so weak. I can choose not to eat that. Everybody can control themselves, only if they choose to.
@@Wingers55 Oh my god, yes. I hated that mindset I couldn’t get rid of. I was always comparing myself and other people to the standard I had in mind. It made me so judgmental of other people, what they ate and how much they exercised or how they looked. I was aware of it, but I thought I would never be able to look at people, at myself, and not think this way about them. I felt guilty about it but a part of me thought it was right? Fortunately, I overcame it. And I’m so happy I did ! It’s so freeing to not see the world through shades.
I had the exact same experience. Even years later and with a much better relationship with food, I get scared that getting into an exercise routine is going to send me back to where I was. It's just not a viable or safe option for everyone and I wish professionals would stop recommending it so aggressively to help with mental health conditions
ahhhh getting up in the morning can be so hard. usually I wait until I’m hungry(or have school) but right now I’m using youtube. I woke up naturally and then wanted to go back to sleep despite being ready to be awake. I don’t think my methods are very good, haha
I've definitely seen youtubers I look up to post this kinda stuff and being confused because if they're doing it, it must be healthy?? i also get frustrated because some of the pictures are genuinely nice to look at and they used to be relaxing for me but now I just think about their lives and wealth and how staged it is instead of appreciating the image. I genuinely like waking up early and I enjoy doing yoga and exercising regularly but seeing it all in a toxic light is conflicting for me and I feel bad for those I know don't exercise as much or wake up early because I know they probably feel the pressure. It's also awful being my own version of healthy yet still have a body completely different. I get confused and compare and judge and it's a nasty toxic spiral. Your body is yours. Your minds is yours. We are all different. Find what feels good for yourself and be grateful for it because it is a privilege. Love this video sm xx
While for me the " that girl " aesthetic just seems like fun motivation to eat healthy ( because aesthetics of any type give me motivation because they are fun ) and doesn't really put me in a bad mindset I can see where It would. Same thing with Instagram, I've never felt bad from Instagram and seeing other peoples success but it seems most do.
@Süeda D yeah I feel like thats what most people feel but for me I've never experienced feeling bad because i find it to be less of an identity and more or an accessory. Like playing dress up everyday and if I dont do it for months I dont mind because it was always dress up for me; but I aesthetic is definitely what makes me do things. Like for years I hated studying I literally never studied in my life. Making my notes aesthetic was the only thing that made me actually study. I guess its kind of like Instagram many girls find Instagram to be toxis and make them feel insecure but I've never felt that way. I guess it really depends on how comfortable and confident the person is in their self identity before all of this.
I mean that is where the problem is though because most of these girls don't actually know how to eat healthy they're just copying a social media trend about what healthy eating looks like, its the aesthetic of healthy eating that you're motivated to achieve, it has very little to do with actual health. That is where disorders like orthorexia come from, an obsession with what is perceived as healthy eating to the point where it actually becomes detrimental to your health.
@@malyaangelica7203 although I do strongly agree that social media is best for people who are already confident and secure in their lifestyle choices and identity, because they are a lot less likely to be seeking approval from social media since they already approve of themself, and are also better at recognising when their social media usage is becoming unhealthy and taking breaks to reset.
Fr! I didn’t think anything negative of it. It just seems to be, here is this person who has a routine and is tryna be healthy mentally and physically. I didn’t really think it was toxic I thought it was meant to be The opposite. I think It depends on the person
@@alicehart7209 it doesn't depend on the person, a person being able to tolerate toxicity or being unable to spot toxicity doesn't make the trend/behaviour less toxic. I highly doubt any of these women know the effect this trend can have on people (including themselves) and you're right that they are trying to be physically and mentally healthy, the problem is this is not a good way to do that and can actually harm a person's health because it is based on aesthetics and not real, tailored health advice to suit your life specifically. Most people will not find this lifestyle sustainable or healthy long term and when it begins to fail for them due to the way the trend is presented they may begin to blame themselves in a very negative way, when it was never their fault at all.
I've been trying to escape instagram / pinterest because of this trend.. and usually youtube is my safe space social media.. but then I only see recommendations of 'that girl' routines and stuff.. you making this has really helped me feel safe here again. Thanks
This trend really plays into ableism as well, it’s not talked about enough. It’s apart of having the energy to workout, the able body cleaning routine. Of course it is part of everything you mentioned and thank you for talking about this
Haven't heard of the trend but I've definitely come across so many similar trends during my teenage years and wow this shit is so damaging and brought me back to a time, between 14-19 years old when I was so miserable, had a bad relationship with food and exercising, and just hated my body essentially. So depressing that we're still doing this and the internalised misogyny, fatphobia, classism, ableism (yeah not all of us can just exercise every day, I have so little energy), white western beauty standards is not lost on me too. Sad how these girls (the 'that' girls) are making (maybe not their intentions, but you know impact over intention) so many other girls incredibly insecure and jealous. It's a hell no from me.
“That girl” is just an aesthetic. You don’t need or have to be “that girl” to be a content productive member of society who achieves goals, is disciplined, and has a quality life.
Totally agree ! And wellness looks different for everyone. Not everyone benefits from waking up at 5 am or doing meditation. A lot of people prefer other activities like walking or sleeping Til 8, being most productive at night. Check out our latest episode on girl bosses and "that girl" if you wanna discuss more with us ! Instagram: @restlesspod
@@eurekamreum5458 me at 20. i started during senior year of high school and i remember my friends failing to understand why i could possibly do what i’m doing... they’re on my wave now. it’s also funny because they say “i put them on” lol we’re just a group of kids off grid
I've been thinking about this so much!! I'm tired of these showing up on my recommended because that kind of content gave me unrealistic expectations as a middle schooler and now my life looks nothing like that lol.
It is just so sad how people crave being envied… how about getting along with people instead? This all stems from this weird obsession to feel superior to others , but relying on the opinions of others to feel superior. The mental gymnastics are truly impressive to watch haha
It is an aesthetic, because it is ultimately unsustainable and usually only done for outward appearances anyway. I used to want to be the IT girl then realized that putting in that much effort just to create the impression that I was one was not worth the pain.
İ agree with your opinions on the 'that girl' trend, i thought I was the only person who felt this way about the content and thought that it was just my jealousy getting the best of me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I love your videos
I am from Argentina and here almost no one talks about this things. I love your channel and your videos because I can easily understand your english, so thank you. and also thank for talking about this things 😊
thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic, i’m sure there are others who think the same way you do, me included; but just either don’t have a platform to speak up about it or shy away from it. this is a topic that needs to be talked about more and in a way that isn’t damaging. thank you! 💕
i just found your channel and i became obsessed with it. i THANK YOU so much for helping me understand how i was affected by the toxic diet culture without even noticing. i thought watching those type of 'trends' helped me to become a 'better' version of myself but i've come to realize that it is not the case. i will certainly think about this more in my life while trying to understand what works for me best, in terms of mental and physical health and well-being. thank you.
Ty so much for making this video, it just seems so extreme and perfection oriented when outcomes like this take time as is years. This being a TREND can lead to toxicity. Its good to form better habits but in a plausible manner and in healthily, taking your time, and learning what works for you, not to push yourself to extreme limits to where you achieve them in an unhealthy manner or to beat yourself up because you just couldn't do something. Annnyways just take care of yourselves and have a wonderful day/night.
Let's not forget that the act of them filming their "that girl" TikToks isn't very "that girl" of them because it isn't an overly productive and aesthetic task. This trend is why I had to legit get off of TikTok because no one can truly always be "that girl".
Oooof I love this take. Didn't realize that til you said it. We talked about something similar on our recent episode ! Instagram: @restlesspod if you wanna check it out !
the thing about a lot of these creators, you make content to get viewers, once you have a lot of viewers you can get sponsors, i imagine some of these older girls have ways of monetizing their content. The way these accounts are run remind me kind of like businesses in a way, they only show the most beautiful parts of their lives to get more views in turn making more money :,)
Hey, danke für die coolen Videos in letzter Zeit- es ist manchmal echt eine Gradwanderung zwischen sich inspirieren lassen und sich selbst unter Druck setzten, da hilft es nicht, dass man auf Social Media manchmal in der Fülle von "that girl" Material fast ertrinkt... Also cool, dass du deine Gedanken dazu teilst- und danke dass du mich in den letzten Tagen nebenbei inspiriert hast wieder mehr Musik zu machen:) (PS: Viel Spaß beim Übersetzen und Grüße aus Deutschland)
Thank you for this video, I’ve been feeling like shit because I can’t eat healthy or workout because my family has been living in hotels for a while so I haven’t been able to cook decent food or find time or space to workout. Even before we were living in a hotel we were extremely poor so I’ve been extremely stressed about everything. I went from taking honors classes and taking high school classes in middle school to failing both of my first two years of high school because of my stress and just not having time to do homework or study and every time I see one of these videos I feel like I’ve ruined my life by not being perfect. Some days I don’t even eat because I’ve gotten it through my head that no food is better then junk food even if I don’t have any other option. Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it off my chest.
Hey, I’m sorry for what you’ve been dealing with. These ideas have been pushed on us from such a young age that it’s no surprise that you feel this way. I just want this to serve as a reminder that things are stacked against you. Housing instability is a huge hurdle to overcome, and it has very real impacts on your health that you can’t just “mindset” your way out of. Society (we truly live in a society) has attached morality to things which are fundamentally acts of privilege, like being able to eat healthy food or work out or dedicate all your time to studying, and has made people who can’t achieve all of these things and others feel as though it’s a personal failing. It’s not. The food that is “good” is the food that makes you feel good, and that varies from individual to individual! Calories are better than no calories, and hopefully soon you will be able to gain access to fresher food. Food access is way more important than I think we recognize. You’re so young, and you’re dealing w a lot on top of being a teenager trying to make sense of an increasingly dangerous world. You have control over very little right now. By definition, none of this is your fault bc you don’t have control and you absolutely have not ruined your life. Life is longer than we realize as teenagers and more people have been in your situation than you perhaps you realize, so extend to yourself the same compassion you would extend to them if you can, however you can. Your path might be a little different but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. I’m disabled and had to withdraw from school and I’ve definitely been really hard on myself for not being able to do the things other people do. I try to remind myself that there’s no morally “right” path or even necessarily a standard one. This isn’t the end by any means and you’re not a failure.
this is such an important topic!! highly recommend the podcast food physch for more info abt diet culture & fatphobia and the ways it harms us iris thx so much for talking about this!
In my opinion, "That Girl" is not a toxic trend, it really depends on what you think being "That Girl" means. Of course, Social Media makes it toxic (actually makes EVERYTHING toxic) because it makes it seem like you should always have your shit together, always be super productive and stuff like that. In my opinion, being "That Girl" means being the best version of myself, accepting everything about myself and just taking care of myself.
totally agree, I think its really depends on how each person can take it and their personal perception of the world. I have a bad relationship with food so seeing that content may be harmful to me, but it may be just fine for someone else who can really truly just see it as an aesthetic. I think a lot of us like to assume that everyone is as mentally unwell as we are, but some people can simply watch a girl make a smoothie bowl and be totally fine and understand that was just a small glimpse into one individual's life and enjoy the content, even see it as inspiring to start eating (actually) healthy.
6:56 as a person who works out a lot and does exercise/training as a hobby I can absolutely say this is true. With the current standard of what being fit is (which is mainly dictated by celebrities and you know RICH PEOPLE), I found that just doing workout videos at home without hitting the gym is not going to get you to that standard of being fit. I'm speaking from a context of my workout goals btw which vary from person to person but we can use a fitness goal that many people have like getting abs for example and I can tell you that not only do you need sufficient weights to lift which more often than not you find in a gym but also the diet you eat should mainly consist of whole foods which are bloody expensive for a lot of people. In terms of fitness, I truly believe the only way we can make 'being fit/in shape' more accessible to more people is by changing the perception of what being in shape is. At the moment it's been dictated by the 1% and the famous through Instagram and other social media etc. In my opinion, if you are getting movement in and you are healthy to your standards that's enough. Because fitness is so heavily linked to the beauty standard we often lose sight of what it means to be in shape and healthy because I can tell you that being underweight, cutting out many foodgroups, over-exercising to the point where you feel dizzy just so you can get 'into shape' is not healthy. you being 'in shape and healthy' is not the same as someone else's and you don't need to achieve that 'being fit' standard being put out by people online because I'll tell you right now it's a mf set up.
What annoys me is these “healthy” breakfasts have very little nutritional benefit, yes you get the minerals from the fruit, processing the fruit into smoothies like that makes the sugars worse for you and destroys some of the vitamins, vitamins like vitamin c are very fragile and even blending them destroys them, so while a handful of fruit or two is good for you, a whole breakfast of only fruit is not
I feel everybody is different and pretending to be someone else all the time is difficult. We have different interests and what matters is how we feel within. whatever we do we should enjoy being ourselves no matter what. Life is short, live to the fullest strole around and be happy. We don't need copies of the same person. We need THE REAL VERSION of you and that makes the difference. Btw love your content.😄😉🖤🙏
I loved how informative this was, and you covered a lot of different aspects of the trend I hadn't even thought about. I'm looking forward to more videos like this!
I thank (not god because im not a believer) for finding your channel. Thankyou you make me feel less alone because of my gender questions (its not really related to this video but either way thanks).
i appreciate your opinion and i think you have a great point, but idk everytime i watch those "that girl" videos i get inspiration to do something for myself even if i don't do exactly what they do.
how y’all see a trend encouraging women to eat healthfully and exercise regularly and practice self care then manage to turn it into a negative is so crazy. ideals are not supposed to be realistic or attainable cause ideals are not goals. an aesthetic is based on an ideal, you don’t live according to that, you set goals around it. i swear some of y’all would rather watch others be physically and mentally sick and unhappy with their lives in the name of “self acceptance” than to encourage people to improve themselves in any way they’re capable of and it’s soooo disturbing this video and these comments are WEIRD. save this energy for people who glamorize underage drinking or some shit 😭
“it’s capitalism” basic exercise is free. produce is not as expensive as y’all are convinced it is. productivity is a good thing. glamorize your life. romanticize yourself for yourself. stop being so bitter on the internet and trying to poke holes in everythingggggggg.
Omg I wanna be your friend now. I loved this video thank you for analyzing your original opinions to see why you are thinking that way and not being defensive or rude about your opinions. Diet culture and all that nonsense just makes me sad cause it seems like no matter how much we learn the next generation is still so susceptible to it.
Ugh i wish i could write this in my native language, but i'm going 2 try: i feel the main problem w this trend is that, as u said, its main focus is an aesthetic change and not a REAL change. Waking up early and doing pretty smoothie bowls, and focusing on your phisique its not going to change your life. I think to change your life you have to define what changes are good to YOU, not to others. I think you have to start going to theraphy, and defining what changes are going to be good for you. Change comes from the inside to the outside.
Great video. Love your perspective. As a slightly older person not on Tik tok , I’m glad I clicked in to this video so I can know a little about what’s going on with my younger homies online. You’re clearly a very thoughtful young person. Great job. Congrats on 19k!
I don’t think wanting to have a similar lifestyle or aesthetic of “that girl”, I just know that I could never do that because my sleep squedule changes weekly and I have a REALLY hard time doing self care or paying attention to time.
Another thing too is that these ppl who record the “that girl”/lifestyle videos can pull out their camera anytime they want, and post whenever they feel like it and can jump cut to all their “good moments,” easily since nobody else is watching. I bet tho if you saw a straight up 16 hour video of their day you’d shout “BORING!” This topic kinda reminds me of the videos explaining photoshopping/facetune to make you appear “perfect.”
i completely agree with you! as someone who used to suffer from an ED i try to act like those videos don't exist, so i don't click on them, but sometimes yt reels are filled with similar stuff, even though i don't necessarily click on those kinds of reels, they just pop up... it sucks :p
im not a dietician but i think its common sense that if you're working out a lot, or really any amount, you need adequate nutrition and calories or else you're gonna feel like crap and not have any energy to do anything after your workout, maybe even getting tired before you're done.
It IS an aesthetic. As someone who is super proactive, who gets up early, gets a lot done, works out, etc, I DON'T IG all of it. And I've long broken up with pefectionism. It's too much pressure. So yes I get up early, but I'm a morning person and pass at 9pm. I work out, but in ratty sweats. I eat a decent breakfast, but it doesn't look pretty and I might eat fried cheese sticks at lunch.
The diet *inspiration* content reminds me of the vegan lifestyle content that was really popular on youtube in like 2014 - 2016 - waking up early, working out, eating basically only fruit and really tiny portions. At the time I was 18 and had just moved away from home to University and I was OBSESSED with this content, I wanted to be one of those youtube/instagram vegan girls so badly. I tried copying their 'what I eat in a day' videos for about 10 months and the only thing that changed was that I was hungry and got acne from eating too much fruit. Its been so interesting over the last few years to see the creators I used to idolise come out and say that they weren't actually healthy during this time and realising how damaging their content was (e.g. Essena O'neill and Bonny Rebecca).
the way this was the exact aesthetic of fitness tumblr back in like 2014 lmao.....although i will say that back then, "fitspo" was deliberately used instead of "thinspo" to reinforce an emphasis on individual health rather than just trying to get skinny, and to differentiate fitness tumblr from actual pro-ana blogs. idk if that difference is still in play now or if everyone just calls themselves fitspo to ignore the disordered implications of their content
I think everyone calls themselves fitspo now. I was on pro ana tumblr in high school and I feel like I'd notice a thinspo tag nowadays from a mile away. Super frigging damaging, although I also enjoyed the original message behind the fitspo blogs and they kinda helped me move away from thinspo ultimately. I don't think they do it intentionally, but there definitely is a push to like, emphasize 'fitness' over 'thinness' as if we're not still seeing the thinnest people get the most attention/validation for being 'fit'. I also know pro ana sites have gone deep undercover, it's just depressing to realize the two situations might be forcing another poor 17 yr old to start a 'fitspo' pinterest and choose to restrict their diet to only 'good foods'. If someone wants to keep their ED a secret they have more tips online and more inspiration on different apps than we ever did on Tumblr. Sorry for the ramble, this is a touchy subject and your comment took me *straight* back to HS 😂
Honestly when I first saw this trend I fell for it COMPLETELY. I watched a few videos on people waking up at 4 30 and working out and meditating and having green juice's for breakfast. It was honestly something I was so hopeful to achieve and one day I decided since I couldn't make my diet the same as their's (because my mother buys our food and I didn't have ingredients) So i literally started starving myself to become just like them and all "skinny" IT WAS SO DAMAGING. Mainly because I have been told a million tiems how skinny i am because of my slim arms but whenever i look in the mirror in a crop top or sumn i see all this fat in my stomach and how big it is and I get thoughts about starving myself and working out and just being a that girl and I'm so happy that their are things that make me see that I'm better off without it. I look back and it and I'm just so happy that rn im living like i want to and I'm happy and just being a normal teen not a that girl :) Also I understand that alot of ppl r talking bout how privileged a that girl has to be to afford this lifestyle which makes me so grateful to think that I could afford all of it in a second and that i should be more conscious of how i spend my money :)
this trend is actually pretty ableist too. I have adhd and waking up early isn't easy for me bc my brain won't turn off before 1am, and when I wake up I usually don't have much energy for anything, most of the time I get brain fog and only really start my day after 12pm. having a routine scares me to death bc I have terrible time perception and if I do the same thing everyday, my brain starts to clump all the days together as if they were one and I feel completely lost. my meds inhibit my appetite during the day but at night I binge eat bc I'm craving stimuli or I'm trying to regulate my emotions so I can go to sleep. exercise helps a lot w adhd but I don't have the energy to do it everyday. not to mention executive dysfunction and adhd paralysis. it really hurts to see that kind of lifestyle being glorified when it's just impossible for me. I feel like what actually matters is that we try our best to feel good abt ourselves even if the only thing we did that day was brush our teeth and drink some water. cause honestly I think I would need superpowers to be "that girl" and I don't want to feel like a failure for not being her.
Genuinely curious on your take on this: I’m a woman and a martial artist. I take your point on exercise/fitness being a privilege, but what about its potential to be wildly empowering? Seeing fighters like Zhang Weili blowing people out of the water with her skills in a male and white dominated sport is actually awesome. I’m just thinking about the flip side to this. I think there’s a wider conversation that could be had about fitness and sport that isn’t necessarily rooted in privilege.
Exercising can be empowering for sure. I think all types can be and think it’s super cool you are a martial artist!! Being able to kick butt is empowering, being able to set a fitness goal and do it is empowering. I don’t think empowerment is the flip side to the privilege this video is talking about. I think exercise as a privilege means it’s a privilege to have time to work out, to have time to train, being able to afford gym clothes and have relatively easy access to washing them over and over, and to have the money to afford gyms are all privileges. This isn’t to say that you have to have “wealth” to be able to do this or even that you have to have money to be able to work out but it is an extra plate to keep up in the air when maybe for some that space is taken by other stuff. Honestly being able to enjoy most sports and exercise at a basic level is a privilege because it means you have time to do so and ability and access. Many women around the world are either barred from sports officially or socially when they have to take care of other kids or the household for example. Being able to break out of that or break down doors is empowering but it’s also still a privilege.
Martial arts was one of the most empowering experiences for me (I did five years of it) and to this day I am extremely grateful for that experience. My first instructor remains one of the most important mentors i’ve ever had. I think there is also an important note in terms of the culture of martial arts-and that is the culture of pushing yourself past your limits. When I switched to a new school I faced this and nearly injured myself because of it. That was not empowering. Every thing has multiple sides! I would also say that one of the reasons I found martial arts empowering (personally) was knowing that I would be able to defend myself against an attacker. Essentially it was empowering because I was able to overcome some of the overwhelming fear and anxiety that comes with existing as I do. That being said, my training was rooted in self defense instead of competition (which has never nurtured me personally). Sara’s comment addresses what I would say about privilege in relation to this.
You still need the money to pursue something like martial arts, what comes after paying is another thing, you felt called out and now need an excuse for how you feel
I think societally we've gotten a lot better and more aware of eating disorders generally, but me and friends of mine who have dealt with EDs all experienced overexercising or guilt driven obsessive exercising and I still never see it talked about! Exercise is framed as something that is Always healthy no matter what, even though many people can develop really unhealthy relationships toward it. Anyway thanks for bringing this up and no you're definitely not the only one who's experienced this
the " i would say young woman but im nonbinary" got me, im also nonbinary and i occasionally misgender myself by calling myself a young woman fiuafhiufhehfiubfv (pronouns: they/them)
BRUH I feel this, esp when telling stories. It’s confusing n I kinda just laugh about it?? I feel like it’s kinda funny and it’ll take time to internalize the non-binary identity
i grew up from age 7 as an afab individual consuming that girl content, i was obsessed with laurdiy and mylifeasava and Wengie etc, these content creators in 2016 pushed the exact same narrative and as a kid this influenced me. I am now in recovery from anorexia and that type of content as a kid made me start dieting at age 7. my point is, kids watching these videos, or teens, are going to be influenced permanently just like how i was. This shit is fucking scary. very well informed and worded video !!
Love this video. The thing that really bothers me about these videos is the lack of moderation. These perfect routines and perfect diets are just not sustainable at all for most if not all people. We all already have so many external pressures, why are we creating trends in order to judge ourselves even more for not having the aesthetic perfect “healthy” life?
I definitely left TikTok due to those That Girl/motivation centered videos. They made my mental health worse, my ED related habits were coming back and I was feeling very, very bad about myself again. Luckily I noticed it before if got out of hand. Videos like those can be truly harmful when watched by people who are not able to think rationally about those videos. I'm glad you're discussing them!
At the same time I understand people feel hurt, we ultimately have all of the choice on deciding who we are and what we think about ourselves. The person posting their habitual and put together lifestyle isn’t aiming to “MAKE you feel bad”. No one is making you do anything. You are fully responsible for yourself and your ideas, and if something feels harmful it isn’t always because someone is making you feel harmed, sometimes it is you internalizing and accepting thoughts and ideas that don’t belong to you.
Hi friend. This is my first video of yours and I just need to say that your voice is so soothing and calming, I could listen to you all day! You’re so wise and I really like the way you laid out this argument 🖤🧡 Stay safe!
Im so glad someone finally talked about this! I dont like how being "That Girl" means you need to be productive 24/7,exercise at 5:00 in the morning,study for 15 hours,and be aestheic. It seems like such a boring lifestyle. I know some people view being "That Girl" differently but this is the most popular way I saw." Some people really try so hard to just be aestheic and being "That girl." To be completely honest, dont trap yourself in an aestheic or a lifestyle. Just be yourself and its really not that hard. I feel like the same thing goes for what people call aestheics. People just change themselves for aestheics and are just obsessed with aestheic. Seriously dont be that obsessed with aestheics. Aestheics arent a lifestyle they are what you find pretty. Its like everything needs to be the same for it to be aestheic. I personally dont like being "aestheic" I just like being myself. To me being "That girl" and being "aestheic" is just annoying and trendy.
I live with 7 other people. If I wake up early in the morning and I make a smoothie (our blender is loud) I’m quite sure I’d get yelled at by multiple people with a fat chance of a sandle being thrown at me.💀🥲
I agree quite a lot with what you have to say, but i have to say the “that” gurl trend is kind refreshing after such a long time where exercising and eating healthy was “not cool” and so on. ofc the “that” girl trend has a lot of flaws but i feel like it paints a picure that’s slightly better than “omg i dont get people that like veggies and fruit like i literally never eat broccoli” yk.
This trend reminds me a lot of the 2015/2016 vegan youtube era! the easy breezy beachy aesthetic of living off almost entirely fruit and acting like anyone who isn't doing it is poisoning themselves!
My mom has succumbed to this toxic ideology for years now, and when I finally opened up to her that I think I'm developing an ED, she mentioned how unhealthy my weight is and started targeting my ed and pulling me into the same detrimental cycle of disordered eating and self-loathing whenever I eat anything.
And I didn't even notice that I have that exact unhealthy mentality on working out. POSSIBLE TRIGGERING COMMENT FOLLOWING ABOUT FOOD INTAKE PLEASE BE WARNED!!! I find myself heavily restricting my caloric intake and telling myself I can eat whatever I want if I work it all off. So if I skip working out, I end up not getting enough calories in and having full body aches and nausea etc
My youtube recommendations are full of videos like "going from overweight to underweight: losing 56 lbs" and it's so toxic and unhealthy and I can tell I'm vulnerable to it but it's so hard to find ACTUAL healthy inspiration without this toxic culture bleeding in.
I really appreciate how you pointed to the fact that a lot of online “trends” favor white people. The range and depth of this video is really underrated
The youtubers I watch tend to be ones who point out not everyone's routine is going to be the same and are kind people, but this video has some good points, like the economics going on. The lifestyle videos I watch when I'm trying something different always feel a little off to me, maybe the reasons why are stuff like diet and trying to be perfect.
