My Sister Is Clearly the Favorite (It’s So Hurtful)

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My Sister Is Clearly the Favorite (It’s So Hurtful)
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27 янв 2024

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Комментарии : 296

@carmaela2689 6 месяцев назад

Next time mom says her daughter is so beautiful, respond with "yeah, she really took after dad".

@jdeux3677 6 месяцев назад

😂😂😂

@infinite_1301 5 месяцев назад

😂😂😂

@carpediem6431 6 месяцев назад

NEVER crawl on the ground begging someone to love you….. know your own self worth.

@OopThereItIs77777 6 месяцев назад

This is her BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. Not a boyfriend or friend. There is psychology involved here.

@ladycharlotte8693 5 месяцев назад

It can’t be fixed, look at the love you have, your hubs, your kids, your friends…..if your mom was not related to you , you wouldn’t take the abuse…..be kind, polite, meet her for lunch, but the minute she goes for the putdown, get up and leave, don’t allow her to treat you badly, she is damaged, you can’t fix her…..look for the good in your life, you’ll find it….and work hard not to turn into her….as long as she doesn’t put you down to your kids, then it’s game over.

@mythicfeminine 5 месяцев назад

Children are hard wired to love their mothers and. The rejection wound runs deep

@alicia_marie999 6 месяцев назад

As the least favorite child of 3 and the eldest, there is no fixing it. Just distance yourself and look to your own children and make sure they never feel this.

@elainenilsson5472 6 месяцев назад

Parents should never compare their kids to each other in front of them.

@Shane_Conrad 6 месяцев назад

Yes, always behind their backs.

@themacandcheese2240 6 месяцев назад

the normal way … bc its normal for humans to compare things. but Kids want parents to be super humans 😃

@elainenilsson5472 6 месяцев назад

Parents get plenty of competition these days since every kid has several pairs. Welcome to being compared.@@themacandcheese2240

@elainenilsson5472 6 месяцев назад

Don't fret when they compare you to their new step parents.@@Shane_Conrad

@TK-fm5ud 6 месяцев назад

@@themacandcheese2240 Kids are people not things

@jadedqueen3619 6 месяцев назад

Boundaries lady, you will never get her approval. Protect your mental health and be a better mom to your children. Stay away from it.

@themacandcheese2240 6 месяцев назад

Stay away from it? stay away from her mom? bc she’s not the “favorite”. i am so tired of the weakness in this world. Yall are ruining lives. The things she listed wasnt big enough to tear a family apart. No molestation, big disrespect, physical abuse… Omg.

@elaynemacbride7232 6 месяцев назад

@@themacandcheese2240it also depends on how badly it affects her mental emotional health. If the put downs negatively affect her that much, she MAY need to stay away correct. It’s honestly her decision.

@themacandcheese2240 6 месяцев назад

i understand that… and if that is the case then she must go… but i still think it’s very weak.

@themacandcheese2240 6 месяцев назад

i understand that… and if that is the case then she must go… but i still think it’s very weak.

@themacandcheese2240 6 месяцев назад

i understand that… and if that is the case then she must go… but i still think it’s very weak.

@sofiarangel1315 6 месяцев назад

The little girl inside of her still wants that validation from her mom. But she has to let it go and see her mom for who she is instead of who she wishes she was. I understand what she means because it does hurt that your own mother would act like that. But that is who she is and if the daughter wants to gain power and peace in her life, she will need to accept that and put up boundaries to protect herself.

@chrism2042 6 месяцев назад

I am the oldest, my brother was always Mom's favorite. My Dad didn't play those games. I hated life as a kid. Then I dropped out of high school at 16, let the fun begin. "You are a failure, will never be anything in life, your brother and sister will go to college and succeed in life. You will never be anything but a failure". At 17, I went in the Army, didn't go home for over 4 years. Get back and same special brother and sister, I was still a loser in her eyes. A few years later I went over for Mothers Day, all I heard with the entire family there was how special my brother was, even though I had started an electrical contracting company within a couple years getting out of the military and little did the family know, I had one of the largest electrical contracting companies in the area. I just walked out of the house, told Dad I was leaving, he asked me to stay. I told him I came over for Mothers Day, not brother day, I left. Over the years, I built two very successful businesses, made 800%+ more annually that brother and sisters combined incomes. It hurt for years, but I really feel like that's where my drive and determination to succeed came from.

@AuroraBernadette 6 месяцев назад

This may just be the best comment I have ever read.

@chrism2042 6 месяцев назад

@@AuroraBernadette - Thanks!

@user-ft2el6tq4i 6 месяцев назад

I hope they regret all of those words no better feeling than proving people wrong and not having to rub it in their face, let success be the noise!

@rma3505 5 месяцев назад

You’re a stud man. She might not know but we all do and I’m proud of you

@clamar111 5 месяцев назад

I have 3 boys and if you I had you as a son I would be proud of you for every single milestone. Thank you for your service by the way. 🙏🏼 I'm the oldest of 9 and I was always my moms target. Even when I moved out she placed blame on me for all her down falls. But since keeping her away from my life, going on 3 years, I am the happiest and at most peace and do not miss any bad treatment of hers. Find your people and live your life around those that love and respect you. Sadly sometimes family hurts us the most but the sooner we relaid place those boundaries we are way better off in every way 🥰 Again, I'm proud of you and thank you for serving our county

@donnanorris4733 6 месяцев назад

My Mom has favorites. I know I'm not the favorite. We are both older now. Mom asked me who was my favorite grandchild. I said I couldn't possible name a favorite of my several grandchildren. She automatically said my niece is her favorite grandchild. That hurt me to the core because it meant my children were also bypassed. Needless to say - we are not close. I call it narcissism.

@candyluna2929 6 месяцев назад

That one incident isn't narcissistic. Narcissist only "prefer" ppl who they can control. There's no love.

@quarterlimit5838 6 месяцев назад

Moms a narcissist. Sister is the golden child. It sucks and you’ll never win.

@junejunejuniejune 6 месяцев назад

this woman sounds so genuinely kind and sweet. she didn't utter an unkind word about her mom, despite how awful her mom has treated her. She deserves to be happy, and not have that lump in her throat everyday because her mom is so hurtful.

@user-hh9sd6pl5c 6 месяцев назад

I have 5 grown children. I have always whispered in each of their ears that i love them so much and they are my favorite. Because they all are my favorite. They all joke and banter that they are the favorite and why. They go back and forth who they think is the favorite. They truly are all my favorite. They are all so different. So fun. It has been so amazing watching each of them grow and find what makes them happy. They truly are all my favorite. ❤

@Petra-ms3ku 6 месяцев назад

You’re an awesome parent. ❤

@bethl 5 месяцев назад

I do that with my girls…it has become the family joke. I want them all to feel so loved!

@AmandaJ86 5 месяцев назад

I tell my Daughters the same 🩷

@brittanycamille6460 6 месяцев назад

The fact that she’s been dealing with this for her whole life & has tolerated this is so saddening. Her mom sounds like a narcissist because this kind of triangulation is so toxic. I know how it feels to be the lesser loved. I cut them out of my life.

@debfox 6 месяцев назад

Right! And then John is gaslighting her telling her basically that she’s imagining it. If you’ve been through it, you know! I’m so sorry you went through that too! I had to cut my dad off. It really sucks when they are Narcissistic!

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@@debfoxagreed the fact she’s calling in about it shows it didn’t just happen a couple of times ..I usually like his advice but that felt like invalidation

@lydiaawilliamson616 6 месяцев назад

Stop trying to defend the mother. This will never stop hurting. Flip this over: a mother or father or both can really despise a child as to single them out for some horrifying/unconscionable treatment.

@debfox 6 месяцев назад

Exactly! I feel like he was invalidating her and gaslighting the crap out of her. She wasn’t talking about a one time event that just happened! She was talking about a long standing pattern. I feel like he gaslighted the crap out of her and got this one wrong!

@kisa4375 6 месяцев назад

Agreed!

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 5 месяцев назад

Agreed

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@@debfoxyes!! I’m the scapegoat and my family devalues invalidates and blames me for everything..it’s confusing and you start to internalize that you are the problem ..the fact that a therapist like John said this furthers that belief and devaluation.

@Mjl449 6 месяцев назад

There’s no secret my oldest brother is my dads fav. My dad comes from a culture where the oldest son is elevated above all other children in the family. It just is what it is. One example: When my brother graduated high school, my dad ordered the pricey grad photos and framed an 8x10 on the living room room wall. Three years later, my other brother and I graduated and he didn’t even order our grad pics, let alone frame them and put them on the wall.

@ChardeeMacdennis339 6 месяцев назад

Yep. I was raised in the south and sons definitely reign supreme in a lot of southern families. My brother was the only boy and my dad CLEARLY favored him. Didn’t even try to hide it. It’s ok though because my mom has told me as an adult that I’m her favorite 😂😂😂 but she and I are very very close. Closer than she is to my brother and sister.

@RepentImmediately 6 месяцев назад

@@ChardeeMacdennis339interesting considering that when the parents age, it's typically the daughters who are there to help them

@nicolab2075 6 месяцев назад

Was your father the oldest son himself?

@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself 6 месяцев назад

@@RepentImmediately The child that parents cares the least for is for the most part always the one that ends up taking care of the parents. Possibly because they are the child that always hopes that one day, their parents will realize what a great child they are and they will love them.

@Shopgirl1 6 месяцев назад

@@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself💯my dad always wanted my sister attention and love but she seldom showed it and I did..but he always wanted her but when it came to his strokes I was the one there caring for him!

@AngelaBarth088 6 месяцев назад

My parents has always treated my sister and I different. My dad played favorites with my older sister and let her have her way most of the time. I plan on moving asap as soon my finances allows me to. My sister can take care of our parents at the end of their lives

@zoilalulu3798 6 месяцев назад

Exactly. They can have each other.

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 5 месяцев назад

Good for u 👏

@Pepperfam 6 месяцев назад

The mother is making the sister the golden child and she’s the scape goat. The boundary issue screams narcissism as well. My sister treated me badly my whole life until I finally had enough and I told her every rude thing she done and how mean she was to me and she stopped and she knows if she’s mean to me again that’s it I’ll never speak to her. It sucks you have to set boundaries with people who you want them to love you. I literally had my sister wait till everyone left the room and said to me you know your the worst right. I have finally stood up to these people and their behavior finally stopped call them out is all you can do. You can’t change them and it’s not your fault they act horrible even when they try to make you think it is.

@Lauren-vd4qe 6 месяцев назад

AVOID HER, go no contact; shes TOLD you by her actions that she doesnt like you; AVOID HER

@jayw5924 6 месяцев назад

Yes, it sure sounds like NPD to me.

@Cuntspiracy2.0 6 месяцев назад

My siblings resent me because of this; they both think I am the "Favored" child. I had no clue until I got older, and my sister told me with bitter recollection of a time my mother said to her "When you get older, your sister is going to fly in on her helicopter because she will be a great artist, you will arrive in your limosine because you will marry a rich man, and your brother will come up from the basement because he'll be living with us still" and apparently she thought this was a hilarious joke, but my sister remembered that from the age of 11 all the way up until adulthood... it hurt her immensely. To her? It was saying I had talent/worth, she was just destined to marry a rich man because she had no talent/worth, and our brother was just some loser. It was very horrible thing to say..... My parents behaved as though I had some talent because I had skill in drawing and I was a very useful tool for them: I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, babysat my siblings every single day for them... they relied on me like I was an adult. They praised me because of this; and my siblings looked at this like I just received praise for who I was, like I was special. I tried to explain what my side of the fence looked like growing up, how I never once felt like I was "special" because I was saddled with so much expectation and responsibility... that I didn't feel like they somehow loved me more because they parentified me.... I argued that I felt like they actually thought less of me because I wasn't allowed to have a childhood like they were; I wasn't allowed to be a child, like they were. At the end of the day, all of us felt some kind of way about how we were treated in this family dynamic, and it effected all of our relationships greatly. I now no longer have contact with my brother, I have a nephew I have never met as a result, and I now also no longer see my sister because she is too triggered by me. Even if I do nothing? I remind her of her childhood, and its painful...... My parents are crushed that none of their kids have a relationship with eachother, or them, really, and entering into their 70's there isn't anything they can do about it now. It's all just very sad.

@andrealogan6483 6 месяцев назад

I can relate...it leaves about in my stomach and my heart feels broken

@ohshesspicy1406 6 месяцев назад

I’m sorry this happened to you. You are a good person and I hope you find great things.

@fire12731 6 месяцев назад

How tragic and sad

@fire12731 6 месяцев назад

Do your parents see why none of you all have a relationship? Do they know and/or care how you all were treated by them?

@wf4983 6 месяцев назад

Yes. It is good that you can see all individual standpoints in this dynamic and that you are able to connect the dots. I think it is the only possibility to get out of something like that. Your siblings appear to have taken a different route - and that is a pity. None of you 3 is to blame for where your parents failed.

@Rootsk13 6 месяцев назад

Wow, this one really hit home for me. This is the family I grew up in - my brother was the golden child and to this day can do no wrong in my parents’ eyes. My mom has always compared me to my sister and pointed out how she’s thinner and more successful. My siblings and I are in our fifties and now it is happening with the grandkids - my kids and my sister’s daughter are the ones treated like dirt while everything my brother’s kids do is wonderful no matter what. It breaks my heart for my kids. It is very painful to live in this family dynamic and I don’t force my kids to participate in it when they don’t want to. Thank you for this - it is what I needed to hear. My parents no longer get a vote when it comes to me and my kids.

@fallon7616 6 месяцев назад

You are the Scapegoat in this toxic family. Let go ❤💔💔

@godislove4540 6 месяцев назад

Studies show that although parents deny having a favorite child, they do. My brother has been and is still treated better than I am. They paid for his college but refused to help me. They kicked me out of the moment I got my degree, but let him stay there FOREVER. My dad got me a job as soon as I was legal to work, but never made my brother work and paid his bills and still does. I lost my job due to working for a company that was committing fraud and they didn’t offer to help with groceries. My brother won’t work so they pay his bills and he’s middle aged. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@annaadams326 5 месяцев назад

At 47… I’m glad she’s learning this at 30. I wish I had learned sooner!!! Didn’t expect this to make me cry… but man I felt this!

@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself 6 месяцев назад

I know this situation well. My older brother is the golden child. He is both of my parents' favorite child. They bend over backwards to do things for him and to get him whatever he wants no matter what it costs. Growing up I did all of the chores, cooking, cleaning and laundry. He did nothing. I started working at 14 yr old and all through college and grad school. My parents gave my brother money so he never had to work. He got a nicer car than me and got to go away to a prestigious college which they paid for. They also paid for his grad school. I got accepted to the same college and was told to stay in town for college. I had to pay for most of my college tuition because none of parents wanted to pay for it. As adults my brother has never done anything for them. He's never even invited them out for a meal lol! I've taken my parents on extravagant vacations, flown them 1st class, cook for them, take them to nice restaurants a couple of times a month and even bought them a new car. I've paid their utilities, their internet, streaming services and toll way tag. All they have ever done is look down on me and say things like "you are so stupid and will never be as smart as your brother." They have always said negative and cruel things to me and have given me a life time of low self esteem. When I turned 50, I found out that my mom, she's the worst of my parents, has been lying to everyone by saying that my brother and I bought her the car. That was my breaking point. After that I cut off all ties with my parents. I have to say that I feel so much better. I know that I have tried my best and have no regrets ending my relationship with my toxic parents. The moral of my story is that you cannot force someone to love you no matter how much you do or try. Learn to love yourself and make yourself happy. Keeping toxic relationships is detrimental to your health and well being. Looking back, I wish I would've cut ties with them earlier.

@MN-br5nb 6 месяцев назад

Oh man that really is not healthy for you. I’m glad you could do those things. Hang in there.

@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself 6 месяцев назад

@@MN-br5nb Thank you for your kind words. It took decades for me to realize something is not right when strangers are nicer to you than your own family.

@wmb7163 5 месяцев назад

Live your best life. You deserve it.

@offgridjack5779 6 месяцев назад

There are alot of parents who play the favortism game intentionally. They ENJOY hurting the one child and know what they are doing. The caller needs to back far away from her mother to adult herself in her head and become her own self instead of what her mother has assigned her in life. I'm betting when the mother is older she will expect the caller to change her diapers. Caller...back far away!!

@marymorris6897 6 месяцев назад

You are so right. Anyone who is hurting you consistently is an enemy.

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@offgridjack5779 yes it gives them power and control especially as they get older and then they wonder why the kids end up hating each other

@bah-bah29hinks7 Месяц назад

Not gonna happen. Move to Florida and away from these losers. Stop talking to these “people” as they are not your real family..Buh-bye. 🤡

@lizwiens671 6 месяцев назад

Why doesn’t this perfect sister come to her defence? That’s my question

@fire12731 6 месяцев назад

I wondered that too. Wish they delved into that

@vale_rawrrrx3593 4 месяца назад

THISSSSS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@lizwiens671 yep! From my experience even tho the sibling doesn’t say anything they internalize the message they are better than you and in my case take over the narcissist role of my mother .. this realization hurt to my core when I realized I will never be free of the toxic family dynamic

@SusanaXpeace2u 5 месяцев назад

"What are you getting from this?" A disrespectful family instead of no family.

@vale_rawrrrx3593 4 месяца назад

This hurt the soul but was so true😢😢😢😢

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@Susanaxpeace2u 💯 having just lived though it no family is better ..you can’t heal if you still keep letting them invalidate and devalue you

@seaportsthename 6 месяцев назад

my baby brother was the golden child, still is. he’s 27 and i’m 30 (woman). he can do no wrong to my mom even though he basically uses them as a bank account and never goes out of his way to see them like i do. i have a good relationship with my brother, but the family dynamic really did mess me up for a long time.

@edithbosler1844 6 месяцев назад

This really hit home. I have experienced the same thing my entire life. My mom shows favortism to her two youngest children. Yes, I agree, I am thinking the same thing that one day my mom will treat me differently. I don't want to be her favorite, I just want her treat me better. I want her to treat my children better. She also shows favortism to her grandchildren. My children have seen this their entire life. They love her but are tired of being hurt. I have tried hard to let go but occasionally it still creeps in. I try to just pray for her.

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 5 месяцев назад

Do u still visit her

@ndl78 Месяц назад

I took the mistreatment until they started to do it with my kids (favoured my golden child sister kids constantly) and then I had to go low/no contact ..I will take the mistreatment but not allow it for my kids

@RoxiLarkan 6 месяцев назад

I've lived this, too. It still hurts, but I choose not to let it define me anymore. I can't make my mom appreciate me, and it's her loss.

@whatintheheck4692 6 месяцев назад

I understand but his caller! My twin sister is the favorite, but we are good friends! I was constantly compared to her while growing up. When I was 23, my dad actually apologized, out of the blue, for his favoritism of my sister. I’m now almost 40 and my parents still favor my twin, but I realize the drama it causes and have stepped back from the whole situation.

@ruthirwin8222 6 месяцев назад

When my children asked i told my oldest that she was my favourite oldest the next my favourite middle daughter and my youngest my favourite youngest.... it stopped any jealousy....and thats the truth i love adore and am proud of all three adult daughters the same

@amorris622 6 месяцев назад

This is exactly what i do with my three kids. I love them all so much and they all have such different personalities.

@margo3367 6 месяцев назад

Her mom is creating a competition between the two girls that they (thankfully) don’t want to participate in. My mom did the same also, but my sisters and me are estranged because of it.

@zoilalulu3798 6 месяцев назад

They are women, not girls.

@melissab3217 6 месяцев назад

My sister is definitely the favorite. She has the successful career and the college degree that I was always shamed for not having. And she's always gotten so much of my parents' time, to the point that there was little left for me.

@monicacollins8289 6 месяцев назад

Jackie, if nothing else, you've learned how to be the mother you wish you'd had. Your children will grow up feeling equally loved by their mom. Your own has served as an example of what NOT to do. 🤗

@lks6248 6 месяцев назад

These are the kind of games played by a narcissist. When she’s elderly and infirm and on her own, guess what, she’ll still be treating daughter looking after her with no respect and her behaviour will be even worse! I’m lucky to have a wonderful mum, but would have no trouble walking out of the life of an abuser whoever that is. Life is too short to put up with toxic shenanigans like this.

@annettehennesey9508 6 месяцев назад

This caller could have been me. I know my parents love me, but it’s clear that my sister is the favorite child. I am a type-A, people-pleaser, so it is just HARD to accept that I will never be valued. I wish this caller PEACE. ❤

@mrskitty7929 6 месяцев назад

I stopped contact for over a year until my adult kid came to visit and asked me to go with. Then my mother was hospitalized and told other family to provide no info, and she eventually called me to tell me she was “sorry she told family she hated me and never wanted to see me”. I’ll forever hear those words in my head. I wish I had never re-established contact with her. I was peaceful without her.

@user-hw9jt2mg5y 6 месяцев назад

Knew in the first few sentences of your story exactly what you are going through. Your mother is a narcissistic, your sister is the golden child, and you are the scapegoat. Dr. John is spot on only not as blunt as my explanation. A Narc cannot change so reasoning or boundaries will never last for long. Understanding the dynamic will help you heal. It is how I finally found peace.

@kcourtney6826 6 месяцев назад

I had to comment on this, I think people like Dr. Delony have a difficult time believing mothers behave this way, but I grew up in a very similar situation this caller is describing , my younger brother and I have different fathers, his father's family was not involved in his life, while my paternal grandparents were very much involved in mine, my mother used this as an excuse to deprive me of affection and attention as a way to "even things out" I knew my mother cared about me, but she could be a bully like this callers mother, she didn't compare my brother and me but she did constantly accuse me of being jealous of him, (she would say this even when I became an adult), she would make disparaging remarks about my appearance in front of others, and there were times she would be verbally abusive. Though I moved miles away to another state this behavior continued because she was so used to treating me this way, I rarely wanted to speak to her let alone visit. I finally had enough and drew a line in the sand and told her I would not participate in a dysfunctional relationship with her, that although I love her I had no problems cutting off contact if her behavior continued our relationship is much better today as long as the proper boundries are in place. To the caller, your mother says those hurtful things because she knows it antagonizes you, and she gets gratification from it , she is projecting her insecurites onto you because she is in fact jealous of you and the life you have, it may be hard to understand that our parents can love us but not like us as people. Call her out on her behavior and let her know under no certain terms are you going to deal with it, her attitude will change when she sees she no longer has access to you. My own mother improved her attitude when she saw I didn't react the way I used to when she said hurtful things, I just calmly ended communication or changed the subject she found this far less gratifying and evenutally stopped. I wish you the best.

@thisis.michelletorres444 6 месяцев назад

This young woman needs to take space from this mom, she needs to accept that she won't get her mom's approval and grieve that! If the mother impedes healing, then go no contact; at least until you can heal and stop crumbling under her behavior. The mother is triangulating with the sister, good for her for still loving her sis!

@danaberry2 5 месяцев назад

Sister is best friends or so she thinks but doesn't check the mothers behavior. She benefits from moms special treatment at the detriment of her sister's feelings. Both sister and mother are in cahoots!

@melaniew8805 6 месяцев назад

I think it’s obvious that mom is actually jealous of you and expresses that by tearing you down to size when she can. It sounds like she had a rough upbringing and the challenge will be to understand and forgive her.

@random-nz7dy 6 месяцев назад

100%. Parents often mistreat the more successful child out of jealousy. That's a classic thing. Like the less successful child is already seen as being down so there's nothing to beat up on. Whereas the successful child is the one who can be the target of the parents jealousy.

@citrustaco 6 месяцев назад

I think it's the total opposite. Mom is not jealous of the caller, and really does favor her sister. The true moment was 1:50 mentioning her sister is beautiful, and the caller responded with "but I'm beautiful too, *forced laugh*". No, the mom is only saying this about one sister. And it's quite clear that the other sister really is the more beautiful one, slimmer, more fit, and stronger (mom made a comment about this too), whereas the caller is the uglier fat sister. And is fatter now after having two kids. Mom is not jealous of the caller, but seems more ashamed of her and clearly favors the other sister. John danced around it and didn't want to repeat her saying the other sister is prettier, but at that moment, I knew what was up. Watch me catch heat just saying what's obvious.

@melaniew8805 6 месяцев назад

Well of course that is a possibility but it’s a very dark one to be sure. This would mean mom is more of a psychopath than a flawed human being. If the other sister is prettier and stronger what would possibly be achieved by continually pointing that out to the sister who is the fat loser? Interesting that this is how you read the situation and may say more about you than the parties involved.

@OopThereItIs77777 6 месяцев назад

Yep. My mom was so mean to me. Did terrible things. I cut her out a few years ago & she begs for me back, but I think she wishes she could be as free as me. She is broken from her childhood & she tried to break me but I rose

@OopThereItIs77777 6 месяцев назад

@@citrustacoI came from this. My mom is & was jealous of me. I’m in my 30s now & she has never been happy for me. She hates that I found happiness & she settled for a guy with money. She hated I was happy & free as a kid & tried so hard to make that not possible, but I was happy ANYWAY. She is jealous of her bubbly fun daughter.

@aimeeharrowman212 6 месяцев назад

Sometimes mothers can do thiis deliberately; boast about one sibling to the other. I asked my mother why she did this and she said she doeant do that. She does it because it keeps my mum at the centre and me and my sister distant because of the resulting resentment..though interestingly she said her mum did the same to her. I can see what my mums doing..forget holding out for her approval as she is never going to give it. Its sad as it did effect my and my sisters (who has since passed) relationship as sadly .my sister didnt see it for how it was. She always tried to get my mums approval which is exactly how my mum liked it. Its so sad. Try to draw strong boundaries and accept youll never get her approval i the way you want from her..just try to concentrTe on approving of yourself

@debfox 6 месяцев назад

I feel like John gaslighted her a bit. This one was disappointing! I couldn’t even finish this episode. You KNOW when you’re not the chosen child! I’m an only child but I still see those dynamics with my friends and I see their pain! I was the golden grandchild and only granddaughter and it hurt me that it hurt my uncles! I didn’t want to be the favorite but I was clearly the favorite even among her own children. I was also massively codependent and a people pleaser!

@lilianamunoz3003 6 месяцев назад

I just commented something about this the scapegoat that gets away is the lucky one. I don’t think about my father often. My sister is full of resentment towards him because now she has taken on the burden of taking care of my mother’s emotional needs and soon probably financial ones as well.

@junejunejuniejune 6 месяцев назад

I don't think he was gaslighting her, he was just asking from a different perspective to gauge the situation. He can't give advice without fully understanding whats going on. He suggested maybe the sister got the same treatment behind her back, she said that was absolutely impossible, and they went from there. Gaslighting is convincing somone that what is true is not, like the mom telling her daugter she is crazy and needs therapy, when the favoritism is blatant enough for others to notice.

@teresaturner5621 20 дней назад

Yes! She had to fight for the reality of not being loved. It cuts so deep.

@jboughtin7522 6 месяцев назад

Because it’s her mother that is doing this, the caller is trying to develop a rational around the situation. But what the mother is doing is the emotional equivalent of stabbing her daughter in the chest with a knife each time she makes a comparison or devaluing remark. I’m sure there would be pain associated with divorcing yourself from the relationship, but it would be an act of self-love, which I’m sure on some level you know you deserve. She’ll never change. Do yourself a favor and walk away from the situation.

@thatlisagirl71 6 месяцев назад

You have to build your own self worth….its hard. I know I have to do ALOT of work on that myself. I am the best at beating myself up…but giving some else permission to do it is something else….especially a parent. I wish I did it while my dad was still alive so it could have been a much better relationship without solely relying on what he thought of me vs believing enough of myself. Best wishes for you, Jackie.

@jdeux3677 6 месяцев назад

Let the golden child take care of them, i mean literally in everything

@joywebster2678 5 месяцев назад

My mother compared us 4 sisters to each of us. So neither in front of us, nor behind our backs. It was, telling each of us how we failed compared to the other 3s strengths. So it grew resentment amongst us. I learned i could never be as beautiful as one, nor as skilled in keeping the house as the other, or creative as the 4th. Finally i learned that because inwas a mostly straight A student the other 3 felt they could never be as smart as me. They hated that. As an adult i asked her why? And she thought it was a way to inspire each of us to do better in other areas. It didnt, it caused emnity.

@lifeaccordingtotheo9643 6 месяцев назад

It's called being the scapegoat of a narcissistic parent. Narcissists have a scapgoat child and a golden child. Lots of good books on it. Create distance. Get therapy.

@elainemarra9790 6 месяцев назад

Triangulation

@DawnNa_22 6 месяцев назад

My half sister was my Dad’s favorite when we were small and it really hurt. But I gravitated to my mom (I’m her only child) because that’s where I knew I was loved. As adults now in our 30s, my dad and sister have no relationship and my Dad has now accepted that I’m the one who has always been there, and always loved him despite his views about me. I think he’s sorry for how he treated me but it honestly doesn’t matter anymore. I had loved ones who genuinely loved and respected me, and that helped me realize he was the one with the issue - not me. I encourage this caller to have the talk with her and limit interactions if she doesn’t change. We are all worthy of feeling good about ourselves and being pit against a sibling doesn’t in any way assist with that.

@seekingthemiddleway4048 6 месяцев назад

My mother does this. She actually told me she had wanted a boy when I was born and had been disappointed. Her favourite expression was "Who do you think you are young lady?", right up to my 50s when I went no contact. She always competed with me and downplayed my achievements. She constantly talked about the pressure my brother was under and how difficult it was for him, even though I raised 3 children alone working full time when he had one child and a stay-at-home wife. This mother is favoritising and that is a trait of NPD.

@BudgetwithAandA 6 месяцев назад

Always enjoy watching your show. This one resonated home. Thank you Dr Delaney for all you do.❤

@Gabster1990 6 месяцев назад

This has happened to my mom and her siblings. My grandparents favored the youngest one. It has caused a lot of conflicts in my family.

@IMAN-hc3fz 5 месяцев назад

My mother is obviously closer to my younger sister. It was only us 3 growing up in the home. They talk daily, share secrets and never really called me (like on Holidays) over the years when I was living in a different state. I moved back to my hometown recently and my daughter noticed their close relationship and she asked me if that bothered me out of the blue. It was interesting to me that she noticed. I said that I honestly never really thought about them and I realized I didnt care or feel jealous. The reason is because I never had a close relationship with my mom (or dad) growing up. She was an absent parent and people feared her. We never bonded and it was her fault. My mom admitted to having and attempting an abortions or two (With me? Wasnt made clear) and my dad said he didnt even want any children (but has 5 🙄 ). Im indifferent and dont even know if I love my parents. I made sure to have a close relationship/bond with my own kids.

@alanmccarthy4004 6 месяцев назад

I really like this caller. There's a clarity of thought that makes her seem really clever.

@Tiredmotherofthree 6 месяцев назад

The part about closing a loop.. this is sooooo insightful.

@oliviafox6745 6 месяцев назад

Our youngest sister has been the favorite and my mom made no bones about it. She was never disciplined and could destroy and steal from us with impunity. Now my mom is dead and my sister has turned into a deceitful, manipulative and destructive woman. Even after much reproof she would not respect any boudaries. So much so that we've had to break off contact.

@teresaturner5621 20 дней назад

It never pays to be the golden child

@rickwallace1243 5 месяцев назад

Mom is a narcissist, sister is the golden child. She will never win, go no contact.

@hehasrisen1990 6 месяцев назад

Dr John, you’re so smart!

@transformation2479 6 месяцев назад

I cannot believe how you opened my eyes!!!! This was powerful!

@pixie3458 4 месяца назад

I totally understand this as the eldest and least favoured... Observed by others in my family, friends and even boyfriends. I did learn later in life that she was jealous of me!

@tb0069 4 месяца назад

Thank you Dr. Delony. From some people (like my mother), the "you are great" will never come.

@teresacryer5872 6 месяцев назад

You will find that these people will never change. That's hard to hear. Your head knows this, but your heart keeps trying. That will lead to hard feelings between siblings IF you let it. Even with family, you sometimes have to distance yourself from them. Celebrate the people that love you.

@alisatravels 5 месяцев назад

Thank you dr.Delony for the advice. This situation is so just like mine, I saw myself in this wonderful caller. I’m on my way to understand my mom’s behavior will never change, there is no way I will ever meet this checklist expectations, just no way in the world. I don’t know how much time it will take me to really get to that You don’t get a vote point, but I do wanna try

@NvrDieNvrSurrender 6 месяцев назад

My mother is a narcissist so she favored her sons abover her daughters whom she was in competition with. When my brother, the older of her two sons, passed away, she was awful about the whole situation & even blamed one of my siblings. She went no contact with us but then called me months later using his phone. The best thing I did was go no contact with her because last I heard, years later now, she's still calling from my brother's old phone number...

@shaunalea823 6 месяцев назад

Tell your mother how you feel and if she can’t respect that then distance yourself. My mother is one of my best friends but there have been times when I have had to be really clear w her what I needed and with how I felt, I was fortunate she heard me. If your mother loves you which I’m positive she does she should try, ofcoarse it won’t be perfect every time but if she is able to be houghtful and it’s obvious then your relationship can work.

@kathiemathias212 6 месяцев назад

Love yourself so others can love you. Never ever do things just to please someone and ultimately buy their love. Never going to happen. Not in this lifetime.

@beng4647 6 месяцев назад

My parents stopped talking to me at 18 and sent my siblings to Ivy league schools.

@user-qo7zp4pq6x 6 месяцев назад

I’m so sorry…. That must be very hard…❤❤❤

@sw6155 6 месяцев назад

Ha! That ain’t nothing! I’m an only child and I’m still not my mom’s favorite child! 😜😅😅😅

@sw6155 6 месяцев назад

The funniest thing is when people not familiar with my family hears mom call me other names… Like my aunt’s name or my cousin’s name… 🤣🤣🤣🤣 It’s something particular to our family we’re always mistaking each other’s names… When we’re all together and people not familiar with us hear us talking they get very confused and have a hard time knowing our names correctly… Boyfriends in particular suffered a bit in the beginning… We were 7 cousins all girls for 10yrs until the first boy cousin was born…

@OopThereItIs77777 6 месяцев назад

This isn’t funny, babe. I’m sorry. I hope you have been able to work it out in therapy ❤ it really helps. I hate this for you, but RISE. That’s the best way to live

@DDubs-bi9zc 6 месяцев назад

I feel this to the core. This is the reason I only had one child. I could not take the chance that I would love one child more than the other. I know that it happens. I live it everyday. I would never want to do that to a child.

@crazypiglet4201 6 месяцев назад

I’ve been done this way and you can choose to forgive and not throw it in there face but every once in a while it will pop back up into your mind never goes away

@vickimerritt2832 6 месяцев назад

Tell your mom this, nicely and diplomatically, especially the part about your children and how they need to not ever be made a part in this.

@andrealogan6483 6 месяцев назад

Agreed...I'm at this point right now.

@nineteen96 4 месяца назад

i could not relate more. i love my family but it does hurt. it's easier just to suffer in silence and not "upset the apple cart" because i know even if i were to bring it up, all i would get is them being defensive and me apologising for causing an issue. i'd rather just move on with my life.

@demon-mk2jm 6 месяцев назад

THIS. I called my mom out on this and she finally told me her first is her fav because she's the first, youngest is her fav because she's the youngest, but I'm her fav because I look just like her but she doesn't like herself and hates feeling that way so that's why she overcompensates and comes off as I'm the least "favorite". I never felt unloved like the caller though.

@cita_m 6 месяцев назад

My brother was my mom's favorite by far.

@nickscwiiggilpigs9516 6 месяцев назад

My older sister is my mum's favorite. I am the one who stuffs up all the time. She wrote story until I woke up and realized I will never be good enough in her eyes and just stopped contacting her then she assaulted my disabled son and I said no more. Fortunately I am loved unconditionally by my father so I just spend time with him

@OopThereItIs77777 6 месяцев назад

Why are terrible mothers the BEST grandparents to our kids? I’m asking this in therapy on Thursday. My mom was awful to me. Just sickening. She sees my son (his dad allowed) but he adores her. She is so sweet & fun with him. She hated me 😢

@lowkeythenubianyouknow 5 месяцев назад

This was great thank you

@Mint-kj9kw 6 месяцев назад

This literally divided our family. Not to brag....but I was the favorite...the pretty one....the brainy one. My dad always (and still does) compares us to one another. My three sisters and I do not have relationships with each other because of this.

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 5 месяцев назад

Do u defend your sisters when he does this

@marthamydear5869 2 месяца назад

Jackie, you sound absolutely lovely ❤❤❤

@ihateallyall 6 месяцев назад

so weird. why have a child only to hate her, criticize her, despise her, hurt her… what does this “mother” get out of that? why does she resent and hate this one daughter so much?

@jeromehenry4484 6 месяцев назад

Many times a mother acts this way because she didn't want to be pregnant at that specific time in her life.

@BG-nm5xt 6 месяцев назад

Mom had a lot of trauma in her history, daughter mentions Mom's ACE score, look it up, and mom projects her own bad feelings of unworthiness onto daughter. Look up projection a term in psychology.

@jenniferkiser769 6 месяцев назад

This hit home

@Midnightcrimefiles 6 месяцев назад

I have 3 kids and big age gaps. Each one think they are not the favorite, yet we do the best for each one. The one feels the other lives in their shadow. The truth is they have different, strengths and weaknesses require different attention. I would never say the one is better than the other, yet we are struggling with this very thing. I know to them it is very real and it makes them very sad. Just difficult to navigate through it.

@random-nz7dy 6 месяцев назад

It's simply taking out your insecurities and jealousies against a successful child. Whether it's because you think they had it easier or are doing better than you did. And interestingly many times the favoritism is shown towards the less successful on paper child. I think because the parent can look at the successful child and Either minimize their accomplishments by suggesting that they had it easier or whatever. Or they minimize their accomplishments out of jealousy because that child has exceeded them. But the child who on paper isn't as successful, neither of those elements exist so it's almost easier to be the favorite But parents. Just because your kid may have had certain things easier than you and just because they accomplished things that you wished you had or whatever, You should never hold that against them or use You're jealousy to minimize what they've done.

@ForeverSunnyy 6 месяцев назад

As an only, I can’t imagine how painful it would be if my mom made it so obvious that she preferred my sibling over me. It would have destroyed me. 🙃 I hope this lady finds peace!

@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom 6 месяцев назад

“Favorite” implies favoritism, more love and more caring… I don’t think it’s fair to use that term, because I don’t think it’s the case with most parents. People just get along with certain personalities better than others. I think parents just relate to, understand or get along with certain children more than others and in some cases they envy or look up to certain children because they wish they were like them. To pretend this is not the case or reality is irrational. Also, some parents give extra attention and praise to the child they feel needs it more… her mom may feel this daughter is stronger and doesn’t need the extra attention and praise. That being said, I think this daughter needs to sit down ALONE with her mother and have a heart to heart, don’t joke about it the way she is in this clip, be serious and vulnerable and say the things she’s saying here, to her mother. There’s a chance her mother may not be open to hearing it, but at least she’ll have tried her best & just accept her moms response & react accordingly so she can move on. I’m wondering what her sister says during all of this, for me it would hurt me more that my sister doesn’t say anything to the mom when she says stuff like this.

@RepentImmediately 6 месяцев назад

To pretend parents don't have favorites is equally irrational

@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom 6 месяцев назад

@@RepentImmediately Like I said, some parents may, but I don’t think that’s the case with most parents, not in the way “favorite” implies loving one more over another anyways. I’m a parent & I truly don’t favor one over the others. I may do certain activities more with one than the others and likewise for each of them, but that’s just based on their personalities and interests. I’ve never had any of my kids suggest or accuse me of having a favorite amongst them, because I’ve always been cognizant to make sure they knew they were special to me. Granted I’m blessed to get along well with all of my kids & I understand that’s not the case in all families, but again, I think people often mistake relating to a particular kid more, as having a “favorite”. Likewise BEING a child of parents myself (lol obviously), I’ve never felt my parents favored any of their kids over any others either.

@franziskani 6 месяцев назад

@@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom I am glad that you live in blissful ignorance about the favoratism game. It is not as uncommon as you would like to think (as you would not do that and it did not happen to you, you find it hard that a _parent_ would do that.) A LOT of people are immature, enjoy the power it gives them when they hurt other, are bullies - and are dysfunctional parents as well. This is a pattern and callers mother makes a point to make these completely unnecessary remarks when the daughter is present. She wants her to hear it. She is not so tone deaf that she does not get (after repeated talks) that her daughter is hurt. Do you go to the neighbours and say: My son is stronger than yours and he performed better in xx - it may be true but WHY would you even bring that up, what is the point other than making you feel good and intentionally annoying the neighborus. It is one thing to congratulate the sister when she did a long distance run, or started cycling or gets a promotion (also when other sis hears it). But mother makes sure to turn this into a comparison game. MANY parents play favorites. And many parents make sure that the lesser child knows about their preference (I guess maybe they cannot help it if they get along better, but there is no need to rub it in. Unless rubbing it in is the main point. To trigger one child, to create some drama (yes there are also dysfunctional people that like to rile up others, even their own children).

@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom 6 месяцев назад

@@franziskani Okay first of all, what you’re NOT gonna do, is insult me & call me ignorant! Get that through your thick fu*%ing skull, let it sink in, absorb it. If you don’t like my opinion, if it triggered you, grow tf up and keep it moving, but don’t you dare think that your being triggered entitles you to insult the intelligence OF SOMEONE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!!! Second of all, you starting your comment off with passive aggressive condescension in the guise of “being glad”, basically ensured that I don’t give 2 fu*%s what you have to say, so needless to say, I’m not going to even bother reading the rest of your comment. Why would I waste my time caring about the opinion of some a-hole in a comments section who was being childish and disrespectful?! Congratulations on wasting your time.

@lilianamunoz3003 6 месяцев назад

To Jackie, Although it may be hard to understand your sister is the golden child. You the scapegoat are the lucky one that will get away.

@beverlyquinn9036 6 месяцев назад

Cut off contact. My two older brothers wete favored and they turned out to be losers. Count your blessings, you are not a loser.

@charjennable 5 месяцев назад

Totally understand those feelings as a middle child who is the least favourite of the parents. I am the only female and the only child with no kids of my own. I am the black sheep. The independent child. At 50 years old the triggers are still present. I don’t call out my parents behaviours as an adult because as a child I was gaslit, told I was crazy, my emotions were not acceptable. Setting boundaries was difficult and still is difficult when so much is expected from me as a female - put up and shut up. I’m still on the journey to love myself which has proven difficult because of all the other integrated complexities of childhood. I will not give up ❤

@mst-pierrem5729 6 месяцев назад

I don't have the comparaison mom but I got hit by the constant criticisms mom who was OCD CLEAN like most clean houses on the planet would not satisfy her. I've been around that for 30 yrs. But to not end myself (because the mental low self esteem it gives you is very real), I let it go and DETACH from my mother in ways she doesn't even see. I've had to learn not to give a sh*t. Now, that she spends more time with her own family and my dad people are seeing this hell... I learned to run when needed! My husband is now getting into this trap and we swore to each other we are not gonna let that destroy us. She want to criticize everything we do well that her waste! Run, don't talk to her for a period of time, whatever it takes because you will suffer too much for nothing!! Bonus: you willfeel better and your self-esteem will shoot upwards!

@danktankdragkings7117 5 месяцев назад

I felt this on a soul level. But I know my sister says the same thing. I am intelligent she is social. Dad is excited about me, mom is excited about her. Now that my parents and less emotionally hollow/abusive I see that they treat us more equally than I first understood. Growing up my sister was clearly the easier kid to raise (I was/am medically fragile). But now outside the house the tables have turned

@jeromehenry4484 6 месяцев назад

Dr. Deloney hit it out of the park on this call.

@cleirecarvalho457 5 месяцев назад

It breaks my heart to hear Jackie story, your mom is toxic and she wants to divide you and your sister! Slowly distance yourself from people like that! Listen carefully what she says and do to your children she won’t stop at you! My mother in law was doing the same thing even to my two cats 😂

@inalaska1208 6 месяцев назад

As an adult who has watched a relative straight up favor 1 child over their other (only 2 of them). Yeah, these parents are there. It's wild to watch a mother straight up call one child a Saint no matter how they fail and the other is just sad and to be pittied even though they are really successful.

@oldgeezer2780 6 месяцев назад

My sister was prettier, more confident,more social- I was a disappointment to my father in every way. Sis had two parents that adored her. I had more in common with my Mom, and I think in many ways she tried to compensate for how Dad felt. I can't say he was abusive. He sometimes openly ridiculed me, but he did every thing, provided everything, a man would be expected to do, raising kids in the 50s and 60s. If it makes any sense, he fulfilled what he was supposed to do, even though he didn't like me much, if at all. The thing that hurt, kinda: even through all this, when Dad and them Mom died, Mom left the ONE thing that would have had sentimental value to me to my sister. It was all kind of weird and sad, Sis stated at the time she didn't care about 'the thing,' didn't want it, didn't understand why it wasn't willed to me, and told me to take it away.

@zoilalulu3798 6 месяцев назад

Well lemme be the one to tell you sis... He was abusive as hell. Say that with your chest because it's true. Parents have an obligation to provide for the human beings they CHOSE to bring into this world. That doesn't make him a great father, it makes him a competent one. But he without a doubt abused you.

@SusanaXpeace2u 5 месяцев назад

Your mum knew she loved u more and tried to balance that out with a ...ring?

@oldgeezer2780 5 месяцев назад

Not a ring, a sentimental object that she had asked me about years ago, and I had told her, yes, i'd like that. Then she left it to my sister instead.

@hwinny2 6 месяцев назад

I am so sorry. 😢

@leewilcox5261 4 месяца назад

My sister was the favorite for decades ... until her struggles disappointed my parents; now, they're back to me ... but it's not love - it's attention-seeking and manipulation. Basically, the favor of my parents was/is/always will be conditional and subject to change based on what makes them feel powerful or special or relevant. Don't fall for it; stay strong in yourself and stay off of that rollercoaster. The ride never comes to a complete stop.

@lydiaawilliamson616 6 месяцев назад

Sorry, I should have lessened until the end.

@diyalectic52 5 месяцев назад

My eldest sister was the one that was parentified and my youngest sister was said to be the beautiful funny talented one. I was made out to be the troubled child - even when I didn't do anything, my mom would cook up something to be worried about me and tell my sisters how it affects her health. I was always making my mom sick, even though I never did drugs, I never drank, I was a quiet introvert, got good grades and sometimes got distinctions. I used to be a hopeful child who loved to do dances, act out movie scenes, draw, play music but I lost it. I struggled to get those passions back slowly over time. In my late teens I got depressed because of the negative family dynamic that rubbed off on me. I felt doomed for failure even though a few of my teachers were extremely supportive and encouraged me to go to college. I couldn't see a future for myself. My eldest sister told me that when our mom dies, she's going to blame me because of the worry and stress I caused my mom. In my late teens I started visiting friends a lot and smoked weed - this affected the family very badly. It was confirmation that I was destined to head down a dark road. 10years later, I went to visit my youngest sister 2years ago in another town where she lives. Instead of hanging out with me she randomly took us to a friend place and invited other people over to his house. At the time I was living with my fiance, graduated in law and living a quiet life. Her friend was in an open marriage and he was flirting with me the entire evening. Her group of "friends" (she said they're not really her friends) kept having shots. I only had shot, her friend who owned the house kept encouraging me to drink but I wouldn't. When he was drunk he said he's really disappointed with me because my sister told him that I'm the wild one and that he'll get lucky with me. I've never felt more disrespected and used. Unseen. Discardable. During my week long visit, she didn't spend time with me, she kept disappearing to friends places or her boyfriend, while I stayed in her apartment. I couldn't bring it up with her that I felt used, we were hardly 5mins in a room together. I still struggle with guilt for not reaching out to talk or visit my sisters these days. My mom caused a rift between us with her anxiety and health issues. I don't think that rift can ever be fixed. I've tried a few times but all I get are distracted responses from my sisters like they want is to be out of my presence. I'm still struggling to close the door on them but I've at least stopped initiating conversations with them.

@dhritikapoor2897 6 месяцев назад

My elder sister had the same complaint

@lqstar 2 месяца назад

A father without his daughter. She is absolutely loved and deserved life. What happened to “LIFE, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”? Did we take out life and just double down on the pursuit of self-serving temporary happiness?

@AmandaJ86 5 месяцев назад

My siblings tell me, I'm my mom's favorite. However, it's no prize as she is toxic and emotionally immature, so she is dependent on me, and co-dependency on my part. I've been placing boundaries.