I’m sharing my story in hopes that it may help inspire hope in people who have been through a similar situation. If you need someone to talk to message me on IG at www. Kaylamayanka
He didn’t just betray you, he betrayed your son. Sorry, incredible fathers don’t destroy their kid’s families like that. Reserve the word for the ones who really deserve it. Best to you.
I agree with you. My husband cheated on me a year ago. I tried to work on our marriage and he simply minimized it. He currently told me he didn't love me anymore and he stopped loving me 4 years ago. He asked for a divorce. I feel so had for our 2 children. They're the happiest kids. I'm so mad at him for breaking apart our family
Its very hard to accept that love sometimes ends. That emotions for a person can change , that a human being is weak .And that these men will not take responsibility for the " betrayel" that is bad , because they cant CONTROL their own emotions . They cant FORCE themselves to love the person they no longer love. So they dont feel responseble, but still OBVIOUSLY they are parents , many men cant distinguish the feelings for the mother of the child ( falling out of love with her) and still beeing a parent for children they have with her. So they leave both the mother and the children. Thats very imiture behavior , but many men have never looked at their feelings and analyst them , and many people are totally unable to do that
@@stucerocks hello 👋🏽 I'm doing great! Have been in therapy for a while. My kids are doing their best. Custody arrangements are always tricky. I'm trying my best to co-parent. But I'm definitely in a much better place now. Thanks for asking!! Hope everything is going well for you!
No, my dear, cheaters are people who do not care about how their actions impact others. I am glad you have healed. I am also on my healing and forgiveness journey.
I’m so glad my husband cheated on me because now I can have empathy. Omg. Give me a break. And as far as him being a good person...he had a wife and baby. He’s a jerk.
Exactly. He is a jerk. He’s probably like most cheaters he is a pathological liar. How in the world can someone be grateful that their spouse cheated on them? Absolutely unbelievable.
@@connieherndon9614 Exactly.... If anyone stops loving you, you should hate them and if you can, make sure their life is completely ruined; including making sure your children loath them and don't want to know him. People who stop loving you don't deserve to live!
Trust is gone. Once “trust” goes (core pillar to a relationship), then relationship ends. This applies to all relationships, governments, countries, etc. Good Luck
Thank you for your honesty. I’m currently going through all of these feelings. I can’t wait to get to the other side. I’m currently 10months into my separation and this depression is exhausting. The PTSD is so real and I’m definitely feeling exactly what you have experienced. Thank you for your video. It really does put into perspective that this is all a process. I can definitely relate to the forgiveness side of things. I’m so angry but I hope I can move through all of this pain. Blessings to you and your son. ❤️
SLAIR 1590 I’m so sorry. Yeah it’s hard to see that things will be okay one day. I know when I was going through it I thought I’d feel that way forever. I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to! ❤️
Girl, a cheater is always a cheater and sooner or later the one who's taking your place right now will figure that out! He had a good woman and chose to ruin everything, see it this way he make you a favor by removing himself from your life! Peace and hope you are doing better!
I hate my ex for cheating and making me a single mum. Agree that the weight of responsibility for the child while grieving is overwhelming... I constantly think - “I didn’t sign up to do this alone”... 3 years post separation and I still have lots of anger & resentment... I don’t think I will ever forgive him as he cheated and then walked away... I got no say.
Thank you for this video. I went through something similar this past year and my healing started when I forgave my ex. I surrounded myself with good people who provided support and that helped immensely. You’re a kind and beautiful person and I know you the best years are ahead of you. Take care.
I'm so glad you shared this. Like many others in the comments, I am here because I am going through this too. I relate so much to everything you described feeling. It's so comforting. I try to talk to friends and family about how I feel and even though they mean well, and are supportive, I don't think anyone appreciates the depths of it unless they have lived it. I appreciate you saying that it takes a long time to get to a better place, because sometimes I get so frustrated that I'm upset or at least not feeling 'normal' and sometimes seems impossible it will end. I'm exactly one year into it too and at I relate to that year delay. Glad you are doing so much better, empathy, strength and maturity. Thank you.
I'm so glad I found this. When you posted it in June was when i had ended things after finding out I was being cheated on. Watching you and hearing your story makes me feel like I'm listening to myself It's very comforting. it's been 7 months yet I'm still dealing with the trauma. Your explanation of things has helped me feel not so alone and crazy, wondering why i can't get over it.
Kayla, thanks for sharing your story. As someone who went through a divorce 3 years ago and now co-parenting and navigating all of the emotions that go along with it, I can definitely relate to your journey. It's complex, messy and difficult and it comes in waves that can be overwhelming at times. I think my favorite part is when you said to find a way to forgive yourself...its something that I struggle with especially because I don't want my kids to ever feel like they missed out on a "normal" upbringing. This video really touched me and I know will help others as well. I can tell you have an amazing soul and only amazing things will be in your future...
Thanks for your honesty and sharing your story. Particularly the different emotions towards your son. Listening to this at 2am in the morning. Finding much comfort and healing. Peace and blessings to everyone. Stay strong❤️
There is NO EXCUSE for cheating. Keep your slippery zippers zipped! The best thing people can do is out ALL cheaters publicly. Then there will be less chance of anyone trusting their arses again.
Thank you for sharing your story, I feel like i am going crazy for feeling the way I did. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all the flashbacks, i resonated so much with all the unimaginable hurt and anger resulted from it. And he blamed me for feeling angry at him, asking me to get over it that the fact i'm angry I have yet to forgive him.
I do think it’s like PTSD . I had nightmares, I’d cry and feel this awful pain . And it is like if someone dies because that person that you knew is no longer there . I totally agree with what you are saying
Believe me that some people cheating behind people's back and when they announce that they want divorce other spouse discover that they have someone for long time. You realise thay they just played a good and loyal husband and this is sick.
Why are these angry as man not reading the comments correctly. Even talking smack about these good women talking about things she never even said... Notice this comment never mentions men being unfaithful. She just said that when ppl cheat is horrible thing to do to a spouse.
You are beautiful inside and out. I can just tell. I appreciate your honesty about your feelings about motherhood. Many women are afraid to say those things out loud. Thank you ❤
This is so good! Me? 40 years later, 3 college degrees, dating the slum-Lords of my home town, now it's still not OK! It never will be OK! So there, I said it!
Finally. The truth. I forgave him long ago(he abandoned us as an addict).I’m 76.engaged 12 times..never re married. He’s been married for years(not happiness though). Being abandoned never totally heals.period. I trusted us.
What a beautiful, healthy perspective to have. You did the toughest thing you could do- you took probably one of the worst things that happened in your life and processed it to a point of healing, compassion, understanding, and growth. You did it. ❤️
The pain is the deepest and most awful feeling I could’ve ever imagined. I was married twice. My high school sweetheart betray me after more than 20 years of life together. Hard relationship but we waited 16 years to marry and begin our family of two perfect boys and a beautiful little girl. So I woke up one day to realize the truth. Life changing but I accepted it all rather quickly. My latest marriage ended almost 8 months ago and what I found in her was what I thought I was always praying for. Almost 4 years together through a lot of mutual ups and downs. She left and took our baby boy back home where she was from and seemingly had already prepared her new life. The most devastating shock of my life. An imaginary life I was living with someone who probably never loved me. I pray every day for strength! I need healing and acceptance. Prayers to all the beautiful souls who love unconditionally and even when devalued and erased!
thank you for your beautiful words and vulnerability. You may want to watch a couple of words: calling him your "ex husband" keeps you connected to him in that way. Another option is to refer to him as your son's dad. Also, you had mentioned several times that this happened "to you". As you said, we all play a part, it happened. You were there, but for me when I feel like something happened "to me", it feels disempowering. Just my opinion, it sounds like you are a truly brave and powerful woman.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING, YES I'm 72 year old male, may wife walked out on me and our two boys. Wish we could talk face to face to see if I can finally come up with answers for my anger, and hate.
I disagree with your argument about cheating and excusing them as victims of their own lives. Many people will never do it to someone else and choose other means before destroying lives of others. You are being too light in that aspect and many would disagree.
You are a beautiful soul thank you for sharing your story. I'm going through a difficult divorce right now as well with two small children we've been together 9 years. No infidelity but a cycle of verbal and emotional abuse. Still very traumatizing and painful. The Lord has strengthened me and pulled me through but it will be an ongoing process of healing... It's something we have to go through not around. But as a believer I know that every difficult thing we face can help to strengthen, and refine us making us wiser and giving us a greater revelation of God's faithfulness. I don't understand why these things happen but I still trust the Lord and one day this test will be my testimony. I hear so many stories of women remarrying and having fantastic husbands so I know it happens. But for now I'm focused on bettering myself spiritually physically and mentally, being the best mom I can, and growing closer to the Lord... I wish you all the best you are so beautiful and I pray something wonderful comes your way in the right time
Betrayal is awful...my stbxw left with her co-worker...she stopped talking to are kids, soon after...my kids and me and still in the healing process..but life is alot better...Good Bless
I’ve lost a child and went through this and I never would have thought the feelings were so familiar- the trauma. I never knew. Women going through it, I remember just thinking, “gosh, that’s gotta be hard”. I had no idea the word trauma applied. I really fought suicide for the second time. I’m so glad you are doing better! Good for you for recognizing your need for healing and forgiveness. I admire it
Kayla thank you for sharing for this, I am currently going thru the same thing I was married for 14 years and my son is 6 years old.. I feel like the worse mom every, my son has to watch me what I am going Thru right now
Be kind to yourself! What she says about forgive yourself, it is really true! Best wishes dear 🎀. Hope u can reach out to this gal I think that's a good idea. Can never have too much support. Thinking of you, Granny🎀
I just had to make an effort to thank you for this video. It helped me so much. I’m going through a similar experience with kids, and have begun my path toward healing. This messaged just got me even closer to a better state of being. And I appreciate your telling, in such an honest and simple way. It helped cut directly to each moment of your story. Thank you again for doing this,
Not to distract but you are just so gorgeous, he’s an idiot! I found out I was cheated on by my husband, he would not make it with me or the son we had. I stayed heartbroken for years and looking back it was so not worth it because him being out of my life what is the best thing for the child and me. I found out the horrible things he was doing while we were married, things I can’t even type. I’m glad he didn’t get a chance to influence his son who is now 24 and doing great.
Beauty has nothing to do with who people are or how people should treat them. I was quite beautiful as a young woman yet it didn't stop cheating. Being beautiful doesn't make anyone special.
Recently divorced after 16 yr marriage. We were on a good level until he got remarried, since then it’s been chaos. His last girlfriend and I are still friends so basically being enemies with his new wife has been hard. Btw my fiancé’s name is Jordan. Depression and anxiety have been something that I’m working through too.
thats really a painful story I can't believe him doing this to a beautiful women like you...... Do you mine if we talk and get to know more about each other text me on hangout larymark419@gmail.com
I'm so glad you've gotten through it and that you're in a better place now. Thank you so much for sharing this and I feel you... It's been 4 years for me and I'm no longer bitter, but I have trouble trusting now.
Also, the one year anniversary of us meeting and the one year of him cheating on me the first time, when all the infidelity started, really hit me too. It's like ptsd.
Not many peoples reach the point of acceptance, congrats on your healing. It is going to help the children having you in a better state. 5:24 the need for isolation is not always signs of depression because that's what is needed to effectively process and reflect on the experience, note exactly where you are and need to heal. As long as it is a temporary state it's fine but many get stuck there because no introspection and self-healing is done.
I’m surprised he didn’t fight hard to keep you and his son in his life. You aren’t someone that qualifies for betrayal. To good. I hope you are doing awesome now.
You are beautiful and intelligent. You continue working a life. Go on with the journey. In the future you will find that your experiences makes you a better person.
Sometimes being single and celibate is the way to go ...I refuse to deal with this type of shit again ...single no kids never married and it’s truly a blessing I know how it feels to be cheated on I can’t imagine being cheated on by your husband and the father of your child ...I can get rid of these dudes but getting rid of the dad of the kid is some shit I see it first hand all the time with my friends and their multiple baby daddies and makes me feel less bad for myself for nothing having kids yet no offense to you guys even my own friends warn me ...I trust in the lord to bring me the right man but honestly don’t think I want to bring a child into this fucked up world
I'm the same way, this world is chaotic and not fit for my hypothetical children so I won't be having biological children. If I choose to raise kids, I will adopt. And I will always keep my heart guarded from men. They can be so cruel.
@@violetselene244 amen sister ! I was thinking the same about adopting kids. The foster system is HORRIBLE. My friend is currently fostering our friends kid she’s unfortunately an addict and she’s in the deep end. The things she tells me about the social worker and foster care is extremely disturbing and even some people I know all of their stories are disturbing. I can see myself adopt but I’m honestly petrified to get a child that has a lot of issues. It’s horrible for me to say that but I’m not that person who can deal with a very difficult child there’s many people who can handle situations like that god bless them honestly! I am more than happy to take a child and give them love and affection keep them in a good home and give them the best life . It’s not their fault at all for their circumstances but some children belong with someone who will help them no matter how difficult the situation is. It’s best for them some people adopt kids just for money and not even show them any love which is so sad. As for men , same here. Until god sends me the man other than that every man I came across even my own dad all got some serious issues and there’s always a woman in their life that’s suffering because of them. Every single one. Not one I have met that I can trust with my life honestly .
me too, I think the chances of the ideal picture with love filled marriage, respect and loyalty is a 1% chance. Why to risk being a single mum ( being broken and broke and tired) while I can just be single and stress free
I can realate myself in your situation .i have also 1 son .how I wish I may be Able to overcome IT .3yrs of struggle but still everything sink in but im on the process of healing slowly.
He is BAD GUY!!!!! Narcissist and hey can explain themselves very well… he destroyed your life ….. he have again spell on you!!!!! You just explained him !!! I didn’t here about your worth!!! Like you deserve better!!!! Looks like you didn’t move at all… I’m going through this now….
You seem like a good person you will find someone that will love you and you him. That person will be a lucky man. With all do respect your a beautiful women 🌹 good luck.
Cheating is one of the most disrespectful things you can do. What was the point of vows and supporting you while you carried his firstborn? He’s a total narcissist. Think about you doing the same. Carrying on an affair secretly. Being 2-faced. That’s just the pOLAR opposite of what a DECENT person does. I would get as MUCH money out of him girl
Wow- the fact that you can be best friends says a LOT... you're a beautiful (I'm talking about a LOT more than just looks- I see the goodness in your eyes).. and sweet- and intelligent young lady- and with the ability to do as you have- you'll be FINE-- and take this as a blessing-- something much better is waiting for you.. I'm 65, wife left me- married 3 times since ME- and that says a lot about HER.. but I'm still single- and havne't LOOKEd for anyone- been just FINE living life. There's too much wonder in this world to stay focused on the past. Bless you--
Rarely do therapy work, they define your problems, and make you feel better for a second. Your story is a perfect example. Glad you came out of this experience, thank you sharing your story.
Just wanted to say if a man cheats and cause the break up for his family he's not a good person or nowhere near you still thinking that is you still holding him in a good light that he isn't in
Yeah it's been nearly a decade since my ex and i split and i haven't been in a LTR since. I think that i want one but when i date someone that feeling of yearning and passion that helps you develop deeper connections never materializes in me and i think it's mainly because of the emotional trauma my ex wife put me through. I use to be attentive and caring, now if you were to call me aloof you would be kind. Which in turn ironically as it sounds helps me with meeting new women. Any way i don't know why I'm typing this out except that i identify how a betrayal can change you and harm your future relationships. Has anyone else experienced this?
It makes you more mad at the person because they make you feel like they ruined your life. I’ve been in 3 relationships since, but I can still feel that change in me. I absolutely was changed for good. It’s sort of like being at war. Once you see and experience something like that, you can never un-experience it or get the old you back. We ARE victims, so don’t let people tell you to stop playing victim. You can choose to learn and grow from it, but you can still never get your old self back. I will never consider myself a Survivor because I can never revive my old self ever, ever again. Sure, I’m surviving, I’ve moved on, had a family, but I’m still not the same. So that to me, is not surviving. It’s damaged goods. By someone else’s actions. Life long damage that can never be fixed, because it already happened. Can’t unsee it. People spend too much time on trying to forgive. I simply see that person as a piece of shit equivalent to a murderer, because he killed me, he killed my soul. I have strength, maturity and all of that. He still killed my soul. The repayment plan for that is, stay away from people who will absolutely annihilate you. Because once it happens once, with not just a spouse or partner, but with your soul mate, then you will never EVER be the same. My repayment plan is seeing that 100% as a loss, sort of like when you loose your wallet, and seeing that as in life-long unfortunate event, sort of like when you are diagnosed with cancer, and then accepting it as such. Because it will always be there, always, no matter what anybody says. Yes I do feel that someone has essentially inflicted cancer on me. Because I will never be the same, ever. Imagine a murderer killing my offspring, and I’m supposed to just continue with life as if nothing happened? He killed me, my soul. RIP my old self. I was killed. I forgive no murderers ever. No murderers will ever be forgiven no. It should be illegal to do what he did. Imagine if I could be my beautiful untainted self again? And if you could also be? The reason the world is so fucked up is because people are legally amd fully allowed to wreck people for all their worth. Step on us like delicate flowers and then move on with their lives scotch free. That’s abuse. All forms of abuse should be illegal but it’s not. I feel I have been abused, kicked and had to take a kidney out because of it. Me having one less kidney does not make me a survivor it makes me damaged goods. Sure I can function with one kidney, but again, not the same. Not ever Ever the same.
@@lizzy5437 I'm sorry we have this emtional hurt/ trauma in common. And i actually just cried a bit reading about your hurt. I wish I could take your pain away. This just sucks.
@@thereturnoftheprodigalyams6763 I mostly wanted to convey that you are not alone and that people make it way worse by downplaying what happened to you with comments such as “get over it already” or “you weren’t even married” or “why are you playing victim.” We were married only by common law but my point is, try to notice those covert miniature put downs when people do it to you. And don’t accept it. What they are doing is allowing what the person did to you and telling you to accept it (the behavior.) It’s rude, insensitive, and downright wrong. People also have a tendency to blame the victim. Anyways, my best advice to you is to accept it as a loss, because you literally have no other choice and accept not the behavior, but that it happened to you like I said very similar to accepting that someone shot your kidney. There’s no other way to describe it. Because it really might have been that big of a blow for you, and for me it was. They killed a part of you, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Now it’s our job to figure out how to function with that fact with zero justice either whatsoever. And here they are living as if they didn’t do anything that hurtful to you, even if they do apologize. Apologizing to a judge won’t make my kidney come back… apologizing doesn’t and didn’t do much at all tbh. Accepting it though has, and realizing that living this WHOLE life without something ever bad happening to me is actually pretty darn unlikely. Bad things happen. So I accept it as a bad thing and I hope that you can also do that too. My dog got bit by a pitbul yesterday who darted out of an elevator. That does not mean I’ll never use an elevator ever again it just means that I will now be more cautious of elevators. I wish you all the best!
After 6 months of him playing a cruel cat and mouse game with my emotions I hired a good lawyer, petitioned for divorce and went zero contact from then on. My lawyer deals with it all and I will never speak or lay eyes on him again. No contact is very useful if one is dealing with Narcissitic abuse as it breaks the viscous cycle and allows you to heal and prevents them from further abuse. it helps to break the trauma bond and gives your body time to recover if you become physically ill. I hope you are in a good place now. You are a lovely women and still have a full, life ahead. Best of luck.
I came from Africa to join my husband after being the best friends for 2 years , relative in Africa very difficult, but l was ashamed to go back to Africa, l though l was going to die, after l year l felt great, never thinking l was going to be ok, his girlfriend left him after 2 years and begged me back, l never took him back l was not going thr that, l married someone else but l am careful and if he cheated l will never fell the same pain again, girl friend l am happy that you are feeling ok
It gets better…as they say time heals all wounds. The first 2 months it was hard for me but then as time went on, things got easier. I Was always independent so that helped. I coped by changing my appearance. I used to have long hair then I put it up in a pony tail and cuitlacoche all off. I felt free. But things got easier and healing began. I realized that it was not me even though I blamed myself.
Men, do not hesitate to file a restraining order on your partner if you feel your health and safety are in jeopardy. Filing a restraining order on my female partner was the single best act of my adult life. No regrets. I, like countless similar testimonials, declared -Enough is Enough! Men, protect yourselves. The US divorce system is biased AGAINST you. Get ahead of the madness and protect yourselves. Be safe. Peace.
This channel is underated .I too went through my divorce.Iys honestly tough.I just wanna grow right now and have I also started a RU-vid channel.Hope we succeed
Wow ,so true if someone is unfaithful is hard to trust again and even love the person the same way. To me unfaithfulness I will forgive him, but I will walk away , say goodbye , thank you for the years we share but now it is over cause you throw that away the moment you were unfaithful.
He’s not an incredible guy. No matter what people shouldn’t cheat. Your co dependency is not the reason he cheated it’s his shelflshness and regardlessness for you and his son. He didn’t love you or his son. You shouldn’t have forgave him. He should live with that forever that’s the price you pay for cheating. No that you forgave him he got away with it. He doesn’t deserve it no matter what. Cheaters are ugly ruthless and shellfish. Only forgive if he wanted to cheat but didn’t. If he actually cheated he needs to suffer just like you and your son did. If he didn’t want to be with you, he should’ve just left not cheat on you. That’s the right thing to do.
There's always two sides to the story! Also, be careful, because there's a lot of men out there who pray on single mothers, i should know. Good luck and hope you find happiness.
You won’t!! But you might cry a lot I know I did. You have to tel yourself it won’t last forever even though it feels like forever. Message me on insta if you ever need to talk
The education system needs to explain to boys, when they are 13 and becoming interested in girls, the art of being a man. Men are daddies. Women are better at being mummies but it still needs explained to many girls. Daddy's job is to protect mummy and baby. Mummy's job is to keep mummy and baby safe. That's it.
Ugh I always try finding a place for me to get advice and or help with this topic as I am 15 years into my relationship 5 kids and I am dealing with it all. Still together but absolutely shattered and broken 💔
It is very matured of you to take accountability on your end for a marriage breakdown. Not everyone takes accountability, and you have chosen to not blame others entirely. However, cheating is not a mistake. It is a conscious choice, not forced. A person's private part does not fall into another woman's private part and had a great party time by "accident". It is a deliberate, conscious choice to strip oneself and another woman naked and breach the most sacred contract of a marriage. It doesn't matter how nice and sweet someone is, they made a deliberate conscious choice to betray you. I hope you are not gaslighted, unknowingly by anyone or yourself, to even call this person a "friend". Self respect is not only about forgiving others who have wronged us, but also to beware of who has a special title in our lives. Being respectful towards your ex-husband is a way to teach your son to be a good human being, but drawing boundaries is also important. A woman who knows her own worth, forgives others, but also set boundaries for those around her.
Relationships are rough nowadays. The right people will come into your life. In the meantime it’s important to learn and enjoy being in your own company. (Speaking from experience)
