My Truth - Professional Cyclist living with depression 

Its Ok to not be Ok and I too am a cyclist with depression. I often feel like nothing at the moment in time brings me joy and i feel so unmotivated to continue cycling and i find myself getting lost into other unhealthy escapes by playing video games or watching movies. I cant figure out how 2 years ago i was in the best cycling shape ever to current state only cycled 45 miles in 2023 and i am now heavier and out of shape. Cycling was and is my only vice and i seem to be losing it and i do not want to watch it leave my life. I am on medications for depression and ADHD yet i still feel depressed and i still feel joyless and stuck in a crappy mindset. I want to have the joy of cycling back in my life and i want to be healthier again. I been following you and your journey for a quite a few years now and i appreciate you sharing your reality and being vulnerable. You inspire me to be a better person. Thank You.

“Influencers” that glamorise a perfect lifestyle make me vomit too.. by far my fave RU-vid video is Tristan doing the atlas mtb race.. he breaks down and shows all the raw emotions.. no editing required. You’re human Jack and there’s no need to apologise for feeling guilty, you may “have it all”, but still feel like shit. Happy to hear what you’re going through, and I’m rooting for you 💪🏻

Jack. I don't know how your video got pushed to me today but I'm glad it did and I'm subscribing. What a timely video for me to watch today. Thank you for this. (And yes...we are obsessed with social media. I've gotten addicted and I feel I'm missing out if I don't participate. But then I would miss videos like this that really help me...)

It sounds so familiar what you say. I ride my bike to Monte Grappa and have a great time or I climb in the Alps and enjoy every second of my life. But at the same time I'm so incredibly sad and empty... It's like I'm missing something and I don't know what it is, but life isn't complete without it... Hold on man, after every rain comes the sun! Good luck!

Your vulnerability and your authenticity are priceless. They are signs of your courage. Sharing is the first step towards healing. We live in separation, inside our comfort zone and comfy places. We have created so much distance between one another and that is the reason every one of us (sensitive to feelings) suffers more than others. Reach out. Get out what you have inside. You are not alone.❤️

Thanks for sharing this Jack. I'm currently going through one of the worst phases in my life and can hardly get myself to take any steps forward. It's so bad that I have even given up on some big opportunities that could help me get out of it. Just hope that I'll be able to find that spark again, and be able to deal with all the self-doubt and expectancies I have for myself. Wish you all the best, you're an inspiration💪

Thanks so much for sharing mate. Keep your chin up, you’re doing an amazing job. Getting through these lows only makes us stronger. I feel very similar to you in many respects. Struggling for motivation on the bike at the moment. It’s coming into winter here is Australia and I keep getting sick. Have lost a lot of my summer gains which has been so frustrating. Can completely relate to how you feel about the lack of structure, it’s bloody tough. Also on social media, I completely agree, I absolutely hate it, it’s incredibly fake and yet there people making so much money from it while contributing absolutely nothing to society - it just grinds my gears. Anyway mate, we are here for you, keep sharing, keep doing what you’re doing and can’t wait to see what you have in store next.

Damn social media, stopped using everything expect RU-vid, feels pretty nice tbh. Keep doing what you are doing mate! You are a big motivation dude!

Refreshing honesty. If you do create more content on this I’d been keen on hearing your inside out view of the journey from this, through the grime, to the climb out and the epiphany at the end. I assume there is a cycle you manage (I do too) and the pattern is the insight for others to know they are not alone. Love your work mate. You do you.

Mate this hit home. Really stuck in a rut with my cycling. Stopped racing couple of years back after losing a friend and a series of sketchy races post covid. Used to be in the shape of my life, enjoyed the structure and discipline of training. Now it's hard to get on the bike and when I do it feels pretty empty. It's just been substituted with working more and realising that my work life balance is out the window. I'm not the only one who feels that the small 'wins' of structure like making the bed and morning rituals definitely help. Keep riding Jack, what you do is inspirational even if it may feel empty at times 👍🏼

Jack, I'm not a big social media follower but I do like RU-vid and I really like your content. Honesty is what comes though in all you do and I feel the bad days are as important as the good and sharing it I'm sure helps other people. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and I for one will be looking to see your next video whenever you feel in a place where you can create something. Take care.

Amen to that. It’s about time there was some honesty and decency on social media. We’re all in the same storm, just on different boats

Thank you for your candor and striving to help others even when you're suffering yourself. I know myself it's a challenge to even find the will to get out of bed. You're a legend and inspiration.

Jack, man, there is no stupidity on feeling depressed even so "I have everything". Life it's not linear as that. I relate to many of the things you said here. I have gone on meditation practice for some years, which have helped me to stay a bit more present and aware of my own thoughts and kind of "detach" myself from the voice running on the back. Some book recommendations that helped me out: That little voice in your head - Mo Gawdat; Man's search for meaning - Victor Frankl. About social media: yeah, it can be a shit, but can also be good in cases like yours, being honest and true. Social media is what we do from it, so just do what you feel like in every given day/phase. Take care and keep spinning. Like on the bike, one pedal after another to keep the balance. I hear you.

thanks for posting this - i think a lot of us have or have had the same feelings and lack of motivation or depression to different degrees. So you are speaking for many without your profile. I have been there and done all the smiling and joking to hide things, in front of a 100 students and colleagues. Things have been better the last year but there is an ever present feeling lurking in the background that still comes out now and again. Nothing you've said is negative, candid yes, and anyone who hasnt been through it will struggle to understand, but we need to share these things about being human, not just the sugar coated social media stuff.....Best wishes, keep well.

I am grateful I found your channel. I also do not want to post my life online but I appreciate to hear similar lived experiences as a cyclist and a person.

This intro was the best summary of suffering and the way humans often feel. Thank you thank you! That first achievement of the day, let’s all keep fighting for that. To quote A.A Milne, “the best thing about the rain, is that it always stops”

Absolutely normal and nothing to be embarrassed about or feel stupid about it. It is not reality that we will always feel good/positive, it is an absolute load of crap. We are to experience everything, especially our emotions. You are definitely spot on, being constantly bombarded with the 'BS happy train' makes us feel that anytime we are in a funk we are broken. I have determined that my depression/introversion is a gift, an actual superpower, a reminder for me to slow things down, forcing me to shut down and to regroup. You have been an incredible inspiration and you definitely got this Jack, and this is not negative at all, this is truth and this truth is a reminder to everyone that we all have these moments in life and it is ok. For too long I would bash myself very hard when things felt heavy and like you say, I really am blessed, truly blessed, so why am I feeling this. I have learned that these moments can also be what we are feeling around us, what state of affairs the world is in, and those specifically around us. Not sure how you feel about vibration talk, but when the collective vibration shifts it does cause havoc for truly empathic people, as we are always feeling. Like you Jack, I try to bury those feelings of angst, frustration, sadness by always occupying myself, by physically pushing so hard I don't have the strength to feel those emotions. However, I can tell you, you can run/ride far and hard but those emotions will always be there. Better to understand that, to work on it as you are doing now Jack. I will admit I still pound myself into the ground physically for relief but the older you get and your body takes longer to recover, the worse the emotions will get. Jack you are not broken my brother, quite the opposite actually, you are full and whole. Working with the emotions is the next step, accepting when to take a step back, when to lock down for a little, when to turn the blinds down will make the progress not only bearable but useful. I have now found happiness in those moments of not wanting to get out of bed, because they are me, a part of who I am and I love them all the same. You rock brother and thanks for taking us along for the journey, I am here for you as I am sure you are here for me!

The storm will pass, Jack. The lows always seem longer than the highs but you’ll get there. I have terrible ADHD and depressive episodes and often can’t make sense of them. In fact I work myself into a frenzy trying to make sense of them. You have achieved so much even though you seem to think you haven’t. Get planning for the next challenge, regain that focus! Keep inspiring us

Social media can be good and powerful when and if it's honest. You just proved that. Thank you.

Good on you for putting this out there Jack. In a world full of bullshit and bullshitters, it’s great to see you and others sharing some realities. It’s part of the reason people watch your stuff. You’re a good, honest and talented fella and you will find your way back to a smile.

Appreciate you sharing this. Can't tell you how much what you said about your day-to-day feelings resonate with me. I'm just trying to get through one day at a time and appreciate the small moments where I can laugh and feel some joy, but damn is it hard a lot of days.

Nice one Jack. Saying what millions people are thinking and feeling but being honest about it. Life is hard bro, but all we can do I take it one step at a time(or one pedal stroke at a time😜). Stay strong…you inspire so many. Thank you👊🏻

Everyday is a struggle. I get a little boost when watching your videos, not necessarily lifting myself out of the morass. It helps hearing someone else's story of struggle I can relate to. I can move physically, work and cycling. I'm always unhappy, the bike helps alot though. You videos and social media help too. Your struggling, but living a life many of us would give anything for. So when you put something up on social media, youtube etc, it helps. Keep your head above the waters. Never give up.

Good on you pal for being honest and open. And good on you for seeking to help others that feel this way. Wishing you lighter times over the coming weeks and months.

Stay strong and remember it’s ok not to be ok.. we are not robots. And thanks for sharing your story , you have no idea how important this is for many of your-followers , their families-and friends .. cheers from Melbourne

Mate, feeling for you. I’ve been there before and it was a crazy time to get out of it. It’s not any fault of your own my friend. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for being real. Thank you for sharing because it makes those of us who struggle with depression comforted that we aren’t alone. Don’t me the black dog get you. I hope your next video if you find it in you to post sees you moving onward and upwards 💪❤️

Thanks for sharing mate. I had a massive crash 6 weeks back and haven't been able to ride outside since so I'm definitely can relate to the struggle. All the best, keep doing what your doing

Thanks for the honesty Jack. Followed you last year in awe, but more importantly you seem like a top bloke. Hopefully bump into you on the bike sometime

Jack , do what you do mate! You motivating us.

Thanks for sharing, wouldn’t have been easy. It’s a great insight for people not exposed to depression

I'm going through the same thing, that's why I can understand you very deeply. Thanks for sharing

I have spent too many days stuck in bed and sleeping away the depression. It is hard to put into writing but that has to be one of the first steps is acknowledgement of the problem. Social media exacerbated the emptiness to the point that I have given it up. I am even off Strava because I felt what once had me striving became just another platform that had a negative effect on my self talk-a ride was to achieve an end rather than a celebration of the process. I appreciate your online journaling and wish you the best in finding internal peace. Ride strong, Amigo.

Jack, your most important vlog EVER! Thank you so much!

Some days are good and some are bad, just as long as you pull through and carry on pressing forward you will be ok. All the best Jack!

Jack this is brave to admit. I can try to help you from my own experience. For start you’re right about purpose. You need a really good one. You are smart guy and that is why you have depression problem. I’ve quit almost everything. Smoking, drinking,etc and all social media. But to be motivated to do something like that you need a motivation. You need a KIDS. One at least. You achieved so much and you need to dedicate yourself to someone else. Simple (but also very complicated and very hard). Until that happens you will probably find purpose in helping others. I wish you all the best.

Hey Jack, thanks for sharing and talking about it as it's an important topic. I'm looking forward to seeing the things you do, as that's not only going to help you but all your viewers.

You are an amazing human Jack to be sharing this . And you have a good heart

Depression is a funny thing. Like you, I suffered with it for decades. I think I truly kicked the habit aged 43, when my Dad passed away - that was 5 years ago. It came down to one, simple thing - accept that sometimes, I just don't feel great - and don't give a second of thought to trying to understand why. I just know that it's how it goes and where I would once ponder those thoughts which could quite often spiral down into the dark place, I now see the thought, and move on from it. It really is a case of letting things go, being more relaxed, and not trying to achieve all the things I wanted - which might sound defeatist - yet it was the striving to do so much that often led me to not be happy, I was very focused on things being 'done right' which also caused me a lot of problems if they weren't. Like you, I cycle. Like you, I push myself from time to time - 500km+ single solo rides, Everested a few times, etc. My goals aren't as grand as yours, yet they're most often not related to cycling as cycling is just way to stay fit physically and mentally. Though it still comes back to understanding that not all of my goals will be achieved and that's okay. Unlike you, I don't come from a family of achievers - quite the opposite - so I don't have that pressure. Still, I passed on work opportunities that could easily have led to being nominated for an Oscar at least, and awarded one at best. Why? Because it wasn't where I wanted to go, so I chose a path of more simplicity as I knew it was a path to a better me. In his passing my Dad showed me one incredibly valuable thing - the value of living. In his memory, I live.

Thank you for sharing this. It did resonate deep with a couple of things I'm struggling with right now.

Hey Jack. Thank you for uploading this video.. I am sorry to hear that you are having a very rough time. I hope you start feeling better soon...I think so many people on social media, portray the near perfect life.. perfect job, house, bike,girlfriend, weather ...everything...and invariably when we compare ourselves to them.. we always come out 2nd best. I look forward to watching your tips to help yourself feel better.

Thanks for that mate. It's okay to feel crap sometimes. No ifs, ands and buts.

You’re an inspiration mate - hearing about your mammoth cycling achievement last year has been a huge reason for me getting back on the bike and pushing myself so thank you. Keep doing what you do mate and keep that chin up

you are such an inspiration dude. thank you so much for being human. you got this.

Thanks for sharing, being open and honest. Your an inspiration to me and many people

big message right here. thanks for this!

Thanks mate. Can see how tough that is for you and really appreciate the honesty and that’s huge. Keen to follow along with this and try these techniques out myself. Ride safe

After ditching fb and insta i felt so much better but i did miss the creative outlet so i went over to Vero. It has no algorythm and with the lack of monetisation it also lacks the bullshit. It's money that ruins social media....like it ruins all things...

You're an amazing bloke, Jack, sharing your raw details. We're here to help in anyway we can, just like you're there to help us in realising we're not alone in the demons we're facing too.

Thanks Jack. Much appreciated…

Thanks Jack. I love the honesty, not negative to me, it’s a breath of fresh air if you ask me. I’m tracking reasonable at the moment but it doesn’t take much to wobble so I just take each day as it comes:) Glad I have my bikes in my life:) Keep going mate.

Ahh so many true words, Jack. You do you!

Thank you so much for having the courage and honesty to post this. Wish more spoke out with such emotion rather than just showing the good highlights. I never click like on a video until today. Only thing I could think of to show support. Keep going, you are an inspiration

Thank you so much jack, there us a lot of people suffering for this, including myself, and it’s so important to keep in mind it’s ok to be not okay

I have had this my whole life but getting back on a bike after many years off is helping, I forgot how much exercise helps. So watching your videos is helping alot with the targets I want to hit. If social media isn't great then stuff it for a while and sought yourself.

Thanks for sharing Bruh!

Thank you for being vulnerable and being open and honest. I’m also a cyclist and have been struggling these past few months with depression and a lot of difficult emotions. It helps me to know that someone else is going through similar emotions and is able to speak out about it. It gives me hope and reminds me that one is never alone in their struggle. Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this. You are not alone.

If you feel shit man don’t punish yourself for that! You are totally allowed to feel that way. No matter how good everything around you is. Don’t add that guilt ma man 🤟🏻

Thank you👊🏼

Sharing low points of a personal life is a very strong mental move! Speaking to audience, even through a camera, is a good way to offset anxiety and all that accumulated mental load. Simply never keep all of that inside you and let it go via talking to someone. We hear and totally understand you, Jack. At the same time, you are a very inspirational human being who I am personally very admired 🙌 I wish you to be stronger than you ever were, wish you to keep going and keep you head up, wish you enjoying your life and people around you! ❤

Thank you, Jack

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Even if we practically have everything, and we should be happy, that's not always the case... There are positive moments where you want to rock the world, and negative moments where you don't feel like doing anything. Okay, we are not robots. Thank you for your advice on how to deal with these situations, I follow them with great interest. Thank you with all my heart.

Hi Jack, thank you for sharing. You are right about social media, a lot there is not showing reality. So I don‘t use them mostly, except for YT snd reddit. And the feelings you describe are familiar through me, going to a low at this time. It is not severe, but it impacts my daily life. Also have a good job etc., in my case it‘s too much stress which causes it. Cycling is a fun tool for me to fight the symptoms and stress. I ride to work and in my free time and I am certain it helped me a lot to lessen the impact of depression. I hope you are doing better. And that all you out there find a way to keep the disease in check and enjoy your lifes.

Thank you my cycling brother for your open honesty. Its really good to see a man being vulnerable. You have given me a moment to think. Thank you 👊🏾👊🏾

Thank you for being honest when you don’t have to. You have a strong character and I know you’ll overcome this. Stay strong brother.

I feel for people who value social media. You're exactly right in my opinion, most of it is all unrealistic staged meaningless bullshit. Thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of guts to open up like that! Reality like this does make a difference, socials don't.

Not having structure is an excuse. Adapting, is something you can put energy into improving. Adaptability. The overflow from working on that will improve your agility, to adapt with life stuff. I'm being direct, there's obviously way more too this - but, I hope you read this and it plants a seed.

Hang in there mate. You are not alone.

Thank you

Thank you Jack!

Nice video. Good luck at Unbound!

Well, said. I completely know how you feel. Its not a fun place to do. Keep your head up man

Just seen a couple of comments about how having kids may help. We should not bring kids into the world as some kind of cure or tool to tackle depression. There are plenty of depressed parents out there and kids who feel the effect of their depressed parent. Even if the reasoning is about taking the focus off oneself and focusing on others, having kids is not the answer to depression. Thank you Jack for your honesty in this video.

It's the short breaks you make while speaking that get to me. They say a lot. About what happens in you. And other depressed people. In me. Hope you are getting better. I do cycling to cope with, to some extent, my baggage.

thanks, jack.

Hello Jack, thanks for sharing this, li,e many here I have suffered from depression in the past. I no longer go onto / post on Social media as a rule. I’m not a clinician or therapist or have ant medical background but I hope you don’t mind me suggesting something that may help. Have you thought about you being you. Going out and doing something not sporty, being you, not Jack the cyclist, just being Jack, meeting people who don’t know you, that will allow you to be the Jack you want to be and not the Jack you are now. I apologise if this sounds simplistic or I’m coming over as a know all. All I’m trying to offer is a little help. Hope you feel better soon. Cheers from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I suffered catastrophic depression and disabling anxiety on retiring. Moving to the peace of the Highlands helped as well as getting involved in community life. Cycling gives me self-respect.

I'm here for this video mate. Feel like I'm the same as you. Have everything (except your legs n heart on bike lol) like you but still kicking stones and a constant storm cloud above my head. Cycle 3 times a week which funnily enough makes my brain even more crazy and gym 4 times a week. Reckon being a Virgo doesn't help either. I can't even blame crook weather because I'm in Sydney. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself to reset your silly brain. Cheers mate

Courageous!!!!

Life's hard, talking about it can be even harder. Stay strong.

I know this post is from a year ago, but I felt compelled to share my two cents as someone who dealt with clinical depression for almost a decade without meds. Looking back, I’ve come to realize that depression isn’t about your superficial traits. It’s deeper. One thing I’ve noticed in many people’s stories (besides the chemical stuff) is this struggle between who they really are and who they think they should be. This often leads to that feeling that life’s just slipping away and there’s nothing you can do about it. The sense of purpose and meaning you used to have can feel lost, like it’s stuck in the past and nothing you do makes any difference. It’s possible that the adult version of you, with all your cool accomplishments and stuff, might have overshadowed the inner child Jack. The Jack who maybe loves cycling because the wind in your face makes you feel unstoppable or the friends you made along the way. But somewhere down the line, maybe that meaning got warped by outside influences. Or maybe it has nothing to do with cycling at all. That emptiness might be a sign that your nervous system is overloaded. Your emotions could be all tangled up. It’s crucial to find a way to let these bottled-up feelings out, or you’ll never resolve that internal conflict. Guided journaling helped me a ton. Something like “The Artist’s Way,” where you just spill your thoughts onto the page can really help you get to the root of what’s bothering you. My internal conflict was so simple it almost makes me mad how long my life was on hiatus over it. Ultimately, I reconnected with my "why." Depression sucks like no other, but I’m glad I didn’t run from it. It humbled the heck out of me and made me realize what’s really important. I’m rooting for everyone on this thread. Hang in there! It's so worth it on the other side.

comparison is the thief of joy. ditch social media, but pls keep your strava :) good luck getting back on the horse asap

Having gone through alcoholism and depression I came out the other side scarred, sober and a little bit wiser. The way I see it these days is a blessing and a curse. We do amazing things and live amazing lives to ensure we don't go back to the dark places, this is the blessing, an exciting and dynamic life. Even if we still have the bad days and question why we do it. I look at some of the people I grew up with, they live in the same area, haven't done much with their lives but seem to be happy and content with who they are and what they're doing. This is the curse, sometimes I feel so jealous that I have to consistently push my limits and seek out new experiences, whilst other can live a simple and content life. I'm wondering if this resonates with you as well Jack?

Materialistic things are just objects which appear to give a person short term positive feeling or joy. It’s ok to feel down, crappy and depressed. Depression is the bodies way of saying I need deep rest (Dee-press ion). Social media was the worse thing ever created. Have a listen to the single by supertramp (the logical song) it typifies our life and our journey and how tricked we get by society. All the best, remember, life is just a journey.

I think you’ll find that there are many who follow your adventures who are in the same life battle and your adventures take them where it’s not feasible for them to go at the present time. All the best, make some journeys around your hood and post them so we can have a moment out of our over familiar and often boring environment.

Hey, you must have spend a lot of time thinking why you feel what you feel. I’m on this train too. Figured so far that depression is in my case causes some faults in abnormal consumption or production (hard to tell which, exactly - that’s where I’m at) of some particular neurotransmitter. If so, then it would be possible to “rebalance” the system - adjust the default level of that neurotransmitter using certain medcines, increasing the dosage like when docs treat allergy - it takes years but eventually levels of sensitivity to an allergen shift and current levels aren’t causing any symptoms anymore)

I suffer with depression probably not much anymore, I have started intermittent fasting and take D3 and K2 things have changed try it out!

I have started going on five hr rides, and i found these longer zone 2 (ish) rides has made life more ok for me. Perhaps i have been a bit depressed these last few years, or perhaps im mistaken (ultimately). Anyways, i feel better, and i really dont know why depression should be such a touchy subject for (especially) men to discuss, except for the fact that it is often suffered by individuals who seem to have it all. And perhaps i answered my own question, maybe the sacred cows of western societies (success, money, achievement) cannot deliver us salvation. And i am ok with that.

Social media can be very crappy sometimes as it’s a massive platform for people to judge others

I've just come off all social media... apart from YT obviously! 😊

This feels like you should be telling your family & friends this. Do they know?

Have you talked to a doc about this? Ever been on meds? I have a friend who takes medication for depression and he feels like it really helps him a lot. Another thing to consider is the health of your dopamine system. You talk about social media and this can definitely contribute to deleterious changes to your dopamine system. I'd encourage you to read Dopamine Nation, and if you watch porn, Your Brain on Porn.

I am from Canada and sometimes things can get depressing here i.e., high housing costs, cost of living, becoming unemployed, long winters, and having Politicians that don't care about Canadians. BTW, technology & social media only serves the billionaires that created it.

Maybe it's time to make some kids and take responsibility for their upbringing

Overtraining'll do it.

good stuff. You're a pro cyclist so i guess 'you should know' but...check your sleeping/recovery and diet. Helped me.

Quit the caffeine, up the sugar and in bed phone off by 9pm every night. Thank me later.

What's funny, is that I'm severely depressed because I'm not a professional cyclist and don't have a (social media) platform as big as yours for me to express my creativity. Riding my bike is only a temporary cure, i've been using it as a fitness tool and a form of escapism...

Change your diet to a meat based diet.