u/themachucqjr. My wife friend-zoned me in our marriage and wants a "platonic companionship" and I don't know what to do. Plus one update. #reddit #redditupdates #redditstories
Good, OP is doing all the right things with his current situation. Getting the third party therapist is great and by following his wife’s friendship dynamic by no longer treating her as a wife and rather as a “friend companion who co-parents” like she wanted, he now sees things that he’s never seen before and has a better understanding of the dynamic before this. At least with the arrangement they currently have and all the actions and efforts taken by OP, even if this marriage ends in Divorce at least he’ll know that he’s tried all he can to save it. I like how despite loving his wife and family, he understands that their current dynamic that his wife wants is not something he wants and that he’s open to divorce if nothing changes or improves. Not like some other who would not see it as an option and subject themselves to more potential hurt.
Men and women have needs and desires. She is going to get those met and when she does, this whole thing will crumble. He is a fool who should have ended it sooner and now it's just going to get messy and he will get hurt
She should get her hormones checked before going any further. THIS is a real issue and a lot of people overlook it. This can happen to male or females. Without the right hormones you view everyone as “just friends “. Also….. even IF the hormones are normal, I will not get any sexual desire if I don’t get cardio at least 2 or 3 times a week. This is a lot different than just working hard, so don’t just think that will replace cardio exercise unless you have a VERY demanding job.
First comment I see with genuine advice to the short and someone else. Majority(there are exceptions) that have low sex drive or think they are asexual. It's just unbalance of hormones, calories and minerals intake and lifestyle. Then they brainwash themselves to think this is normal. Normal is when you want to do the deed, but you control yourself, that's just nature, evolution. So doesn't matter if you are a M/F, if your sex drive is low, you should investigate, it's a simptom, to a physical or emotional problem that you need to resolve for yourself.
I liked both of your comments but i want to also clarify, by also commenting , that I very much agree with you both... It's just a very toxic aproach that MOST likely bring new problems, jealously, etc... Today's view of relationship is just sad... Hope you guys and everyone else have a good life and succes in love!
Its really sad that to you the only reason someone could not want to be with another person is because they themselves did something unforgivable and betrayed that person. I hope you can work through whatever you need to.
Nah...shes cheating with her "true love"...youre there for paying bills OP. Once you stop supporting her she will leave, because there's nothing else...get rid of her
But he went through her phone! Obviously, nothing can be deleted before a search, and having a hidden burner phone is impossible. How she could be cheating will forever be a mystery I guess.
@@sugarbeef you're obviously one of few lucky ones never experienced this (or never found out) on your own skin...I also thought that my ex was the sweetest girl under the sun, faithful and always with me...untill I found out that she was serial cheater...women are good to find a way to hide it, 6 years down the drain in my case
@@scaredpaul540 They’re being sarcastic. Also, men can cheat too?? And hide it?? Like my husband who slept with someone in our bed and hid it until his friend told me a few years after it happened. Like, don’t be fucking stupid about genders. Both men and women are fucked in the head when it comes to cheating. Don’t become a bitter incel and say women are the masterminds in cheating when men do it just as much???
I think OP is just prolonging the pain. Everything they are doing, they can do while being separate. You can't be married and yet be roommates. And if she is not even willing to come up with a resolution, he needs to just end it. This 180 will backfire because she will resent him for it if they decide to stay together. As long as they have been together, they are just not compatible anymore and you can't force another person to love you again. What happens when the kids leave? Also, sacrificing your time and money for the kids? It's called parenting! Many people make sacrifices for their children at their own expense and many do not have the luxury of going out or hanging out with friends, etc. Of course, look after yourself, but you have to want to try and the wife does not even seem interested.
Eh... I think he should have filed for divorce as soon as she came out with all this "platonic companionship" stuff. I completely take her at her word that she's fallen out of love with him and isn't attracted to him, and I think it's a fool's errand to try to reverse that. It'd be better to find someone else who wants the same things OP does.
to me it dont sound like a cheating thing feels more they put to much into the marriage and the kids and seems she lost out on stuff like friends which you need spent to much on the family need equal amount but still doing a lot for the family
Honestly just a sad story. Like, there's literally nothing that he can do, what CAN he do? He's putting in 100% of his effort into the marriage, his wife got complacent. Honestly, she doesn't seem to realise how BAD Co-parenting relationships can be. At least he's communicating with her, even if he's being curt, cold and transactional, some co-parenting relationships are horrendous with arguments and fights over literally every little detail. She has- from what I can tell from THIS alone- a pretty good man. Like, there are quite a few guys who would have just left her pregnant, but he stayed around and took responsibility. And she made the one mistake any person can do in a relationship, outside of obviously bad things ofc, she took him for granted. She's going to realise just how important he is to her eventually, she just better hope she learns sooner rather than when HE has fallen out of love and it is too late.
Evin if she did revert ot would be forced. She doesnt want to be married anymore but feels stuck. Cut her her freedom it hurts but you are grasping at straws trying to make it work and only prolonging your suffering
I think she hates him, their kids, and her life as a mom. She isn't mentioning the source of 'resentment' in detail because she knows there's no going back on some things once said and she's not ready to blow up those bridges. Her reversal in all of the updates has more to do with her realize how much worse her life would be as a divorcee. She'd be down to 25% of her previous household income with just her salary, she'd be alone with the kids with no help during her time, finding a new partner comes with all sorts of difficult complications (if she can even attract a new partner), her kids would hate her, making being a mom even more difficult, and the OP does actually provide a lot of companionship, support, emotional stability, etc. and she likes him, even if she doesn't love him, and she likes all of her stuff. She stared down the chasm of singledom and starting over alone with the trial separation his "180 method" provided and decided nope, she wasn't leaping, so now she is changing out of blind necessity and self preservation. If she had met a childless new partner during that time, she would have jumped ship, but she didn't, and so now she has to meet the OP's requirements because she intends to stay.
She just doesn’t want intimacy with you. For her she wants the hot passion that married life can’t give meaning she belongs to the streets. Let her go she has been complacent of your pure love for her. Most women I knew are broken and can’t be with a good guy it’s okay they think we’re boring let her go don’t stay with a person that can’t give you the love you want in return. It’s not your fault. These things happen it’s okay to feel down get back up try agine
I finally gave my wife an ultimatum after 38 years of a low-sex / no-sex marriage. I told her that we couldn't continue this way, and either she made our physical relationship a priority, or she didn't, but that our marriage could not go on as it was. There has been a lot of crying, a lot of soul searching, and a lot of talking - but we are currently working through some "return to intimacy" books and sharing deeper, more meaningful conversations than we've had in years. She's shown signs of being the "girl I fell in love with," which gives me hope, but I'm not delusional - we still have a long way to go. The irony was that before I presented my "ultimatum," she thought our relationship was already improving - she had no idea the level of anger and resentment that was building up inside me over her lack of affection. These were issues that went back to our courtship - and my one regret is NOT talking to her about them 38 years ago, or recognizing that my anger and resentment were triggering similar responses in her.
Idk why but i always feel sick to my stomach at the mention of swinging, I have no experience with it and never ever desire any. Just don't get it at all
For once one of these stories with actual reasonable human beings. What makes it all sad, because they had made mistakes as any other human being so you can't say is anyone's fault. It just falls into the famous statement: Shit happens
She sounds like a cake eater. I am willing to bet she has a younger fun lover but wants you around for financial support and so she doesn't have to break her family and become a failure. The other logical option is medical issues. From hormone imbalance up to cancer. This is something I have experience with in my 30 year marriage. When she went to the BF roommate thing, it was always medical issues. The first time it was hormones, as in she had none in her system. The second a heart issue, as in her heart was operating at 50% and she almost died, before her surgery. And the third, CANCER. Women are not built to be without intimacy unless something is very wrong. A lot of what you have done is emotional, now look to the other options. Good luck!
Might I suggest double or triple dates? I mean, if OP's kids are into dating, then maybe OP and his wife could make friends by going on a double date, or even making it a triple chaperoning the kids from the same table.
Men, never marry. You lost all benefits decades ago and the only thing you gain now is risk. You you choose to marry it will be the worst decision you ever made. All it takes is for her to get bored and you will get wrecked both financially and emotionally. Keep her as a girlfriend and nothing more.
Men and women both have needs and desires. She is getting or is going to get those needs met. Open your eyes. it's over she dont want you and never will. Move on, end it before it gets messy and it will
Simply tooooooo much nonsensical BS... Op making his marriage tooo complicated.... How can he Fix something when his wife doesn't want to...... This marriage is dead only skeleton left.
Never do that... let me guess you are single and alone? first always try to fix stuff... like maybe you dont know, but communication is very very important part of marriage, otherwise you will not have peace, like... what have i done wrong? is that on her on me, or maybe both? what happened? Understand the situation. Then if you both know, you can make decision. marriage is not only about one person... its about him and kids.
@@WhatNoiseFishMakes What I meant was..... After she said that... She only see him as brother/roommate ... The marriage is over. There's no point wasting time.
