The fact the sibling BELIEVES the narc and does not even approach you to get YOUR side of the story is a sign that sibling is a disloyal, line-towing back-stabber. That is how I feel about my siblings. The one that does talk to me changes the subject every single time I try to explain my side of the story and dares to utter platitudes such as "Well, that's all water under the bridge" We here: We Survivors. We can be each others' NEW and improved replacement siblings. We don't need THEM because, if the tables were turned, we KNOW that if our sibling(s) approached US....WE would listen to hear THEIR side of the story to seek & confirm the truth. (That is because we have moral integrity and do not listen to gossip and take that crap at face-value. In essence, we are BETTER people) Only a disloyal person pays heed to a 1-sided tale and cares not to substantiate that as truth of lie; especially when we were defamed when we were not present to defend our honor. SHAME on those disloyal siblings. Their loss. Not ours.
Yes. They "gotta go" too. I grieved the fantasy family; the belief I used to have of who and what we were, as siblings and a family. I finally accepted that it was never love. I have dismissed them from any obligation to me. They really are not a part if my life. It's OK. They are petty, insecure, boring and unkind people that I would not choose to be friends with. I am under no obligation to stay and be abused, and I am, frankly, tired of carrying and sharing the shame and desperation of their narrative, a.k.a. "my side of the story." Let them say/do whatever they want. It says nothing abput who I actually am, and they look obsessive and crazy. They don't have a clue. I do not "defend myself" to anyone, regarding them..ever. Gray rock when there's a new baby or a wedding. In my head I pretend I am a co-worker of the person getting married/having the kid, and have no idea who the siblings are. It helps. At the last wedding, a guest asked how I knew the bride. I said, "I'm her Aunt. The Mother of the Bride is my MUCH older sister. Oh, I see my husband waving at me. Excuse me. It was lovely meeting you. " Then I walked away. Ha ha. She is only 5 years older but her nastiness and hag-like bitterness makes her look 10-15 yrs older. My other siblings?are her flying monkeys. So fun. We drank, ate, celebrated our niece's happiness. We actually had a blast. If they ever want an explanation of why I refuse to speak to them, beyond a cordial "hello, " and mono-syllabic replies to any questions, they need only look in the mirror. They get 30 seconds, then I excuse myself.
I'm so sorry Denise. I can relate completely my sister stoped talking to me last week. They make me feel like I"m and idiot and nothing I say or do will ever change it. My heart is broken.
Tom, you keep saying that you are not a therapist, da da da da da...well, my dear friend...they should give you an honorary doctorates in NPD. You know it BETTER than most mental health professionals.
Yes!! He knows more about this than anyone I have ever met!!! So grateful I stumbled upon these videos. Confirmed EVERYTHING I have come to believe and experience about/because of my malignant narcissist mother!!!!
What a shame that a parent can be that awful and narcissistic and not give a damn about the consequences of their actions, even if they end up tearing their own family apart. If a family has gotten to that point, it's probably best to carry on as though you never had a family at all. Your sanity and peace of mind will thank you for it.
Agreed. No Contact and then work on introspection to figure out what is left of ourselves. Amazing what the wake of a Narc can leave behind with their minions of enablers. Cowards.
@@mymagickalautisticjourney same. I was brainwashed to use my gift of crafting as a business tool that I thought it was what I wanted a business and realize that this business was bought on by my mom using me by exploiting my gift instead of wanting a good future for me and help my Gift grow for my future but instead it was all about her getting attention for her and to get money from what I sold.. when I realized that after no contact and after I build up my inventory and after all that time no contact and peeling back the layers of lies used to use me. I'm trying to see if I ever wanted a business on my own or was that just the brainwashing. After I stop working on stuff for business I started seeing things I missed out on and a childhood taken by being made a Cinderella at an early age and missing out on things kids should have fun doing now I just don't invest time doing what I was brainwashed to but investing time in one thing that was personal and not bought on by brainwashing.
I have lost all of my siblings. ALL of them. They are Narcissists. I am completely isolated from them and their kids. This is their game. They first got their kids to mind abuse me. Talking behind my back and talking about me when I am standing 2 feet away as if I am not there. My sister LOVES to invite me over so she looks good and then they can psychologically abuse me by covert abuse. I went no contact.
I know how you feel. I had the very same thing happen to me and I am supposed to be okay with it so my back stabbing sister will not be upset. It is not happening anymore and it just kills her like the melting witch on the Wizard Of Oz , that I am not letting her and her children control or bully me anymore. Too bad for them is all I can say. I have too much love in my heart to let it be ruined by Narc's such as them.
I have lost all my siblings and their kids as well I know how you feel. I am slowly getting back to my self after mon died I have no contact with my siblings. Lies talking behind my back etc etc. Its a very lonely place to be. Lots of Love to you
Going no contact takes guts. Just know you absolutely did the right thing. I know I did the right thing, but I still have moments of "weakness" where I want to get in touch with my narc siblings, but it would only end in heartbreak - mine.
@@MegaKlingi same here. I feel the loneliness too. But this is more real to me, than the foggy illusion of a caring family, where every contact makes you feel like shit.
I tried doing this and I was savaged ... when a narcissist chooses the golden child (proto- narcissist) and gangs up on you with them- forget it... cut all contact.. with both
I fell out of a moving car in my baby seat, 1963, Mom was driving. I was tested and was ok. I keep wondering now, after all the lies, if she you know...
They also create hatred between siblings by not parenting them. The siblings have to turn to each other for parenting. Not receiving what they seek, they blame each other for not being good surrogate parents. They never blame the parent who let them down.
That was me for most of my life. I remained "loyal" to my NM because I truly didn't quite understand the big picture until I realized there was a word that summed up everything about her: NARCISSISM. Once I started looking into what narcissism is all about, I saw the highly distinct pattern of characteristics and behaviors that make up the narcissistic personality. After that, I was able to truly understand the terrible gravity of the enormous amount of damage that woman, (my schizophrenic older brother and my flying monkey sister, not to mention my passive father), all did to me. I was a complete nervous wreck by the time I was about seventeen years old, maybe long before that. But that family really did a number on me. Now in my 60s, I have been no contact for quite a while and I continue to grow stronger. I've healed, but the memories still haunt me. They just can't inflict new damage any more, that's all. And that's a good thing. I realized that every time I saw my mother and sister, I had to recover again and again from the stress of just being around them. There would always be some tiny little glance, a back-handed insult, or a feeling that I was unimportant to them. I had to say good-bye even though it broke my heart to do so. It was for the best all around.
I was feeling guilty for not going to a family dinner until I saw this. You just described my families holiday dinners, no one wants to be there and everyone tries to be nice to each other but we all know its just an act. This year I'm staying home, watching a movie and being "Thankful" that I have enough self respect not to go. Thank you for posting!
Very well said Barbara and good for you!!! Thank you for sharing. A movie over my family.... with the execption of my son, I'd take it any day of the week.
Amen to you Barbara. I have resorted to distancing myself to avoid the narcissist sister I have and wished I had taken the steps sooner. It doesn't sit well with her because I am no longer allowing her and her children to mentally abuse me.
I stayed home last year and my narcissistic brother crashed my Peace filled day just to shit on me and get supply as I must have looked pathetic but he doesn't know how happy I was to not be at the table for dinner and I enjoyed my day watching movies in my pjs. Best Christmas I ever had.
I'm starting to feel this way about my own family's birthday/holiday lunches. It feels like complete facade, empty conversations that make you wonder why you even bother.
I dont feel peace. I just feel really sad because I want a happy family that cares about each other. I just don't understand why people have to be like this.
My mother smeared and slandered me to all my relatives, triangulated me turning them all on me. I think most of them are narcissists to begin with. God bless anyone affected by these kind of people and families especially.
Dear survivors of all narcissistic abusers - the scapegoat, may you all have a peaceful, fulfilling, joyful and content Christmas with the people (whoever they may be) who love, appreciate and basically need you for how and what "you" are as a human being. If others should rage about that then they are only jealous...and you can't help them....nor do you have to "pay" a price for their jealousy.
Losing my brothers to triangulation has been the hardest thing for me to accept and impossible to forgive my parents for. I didn't try educating my GC brother but I did try with my scapegoat brother. He was skeptical when I first mentioned narcissism but asked for more info and after I emailed him some links with info, I got no reply. He doesn't believe our dad doesn't truly love me and believes the lie that "he just doesn't know how to show love," something my mom always loved to say to explain away my dad's abuses. In the end, I don't have a family even though they're all living. Heartbreaking.
Owlet it is heartbreaking and very sad for us who are going through this. Just know that we understand what you are going through and we are out here to encourage you and to tell you the honest to goodness truth. The Lord knows we have not been treated honestly for a very long time. Just be good to yourself and take time to heal your heart from all of this because that is what we have to do now. God Bless You.
+butterflygirl56 Thank you for the reassuring words. I am working on healing and am grateful for encouragement from people like you who understand the struggle and for these wonderful informative videos that Narcissist Survivor has so selflessly provided to us.
I feel for you and know your pain all too well... I'm also an orphan with living family members... Just remember that the universe is your home and these challenges are all part of the journey
Same story here, go on with your life without them... Someone who truly cares would never let you go.. It is sad but we can find new family for ourselves outside of families of origins
Triangulation is what tore me and my brother's relationship apart. Being that my mother is the narcissist and he the narcissistic enabler since my mother has been terminally sick it caused him to get so angry that he physically put his hands on me and started to choke me saying that if I didn't apologize to our mother for basically calling her out on her lies he would kill me. I have put up with threats,made front of, lied on,made to feel less than,and called out of my name by my older brother who happens to be a minister. This all happened this past week when I was the only caregiver that my mother had. He made me stay there with her so that he didn't have to. I had the courage to get the hell out of there before they both drove me insane. After I left being that I live 3 hours away from my mom and brother, that they are the ones insane not me. I am choosing to go no contact no matter what happens to my mom at this point. If she dies I won't get anything anyways because she made my brother her only beneficiary.
+Mauretta Jackson my boyfriend and his older brother relationship has been hell since he was born. growing up, his older brother physically abused him and almost killed him by throwing an wire under his bike and he almost died on the street. he crushed all of my boyfriend's cds with his bare hands and his hands bled and it freaked out my bf. this happened when he was in elementary. he always told his narcissitic mom that he was abused by his older brother and his mother never cared. his mom cared for his older brother. this is what tiger mom is known for in Korea and the rest of Asia
Wow you just share exactly what is going on in my life with my mother and brother down to my mom being terminally ill as well. I went no-contact just couldn't take anymore I'm emotionally and mentally drenched. I pray and wish you peace❤
My sister is a Narcissist. But she has done a Smear Campaign to prove to others I am the Narcissist. She is controlling. Crazy. Makes up stories. Denies the Truth. Triangulates me, talks behind my back, convinces me I am worthless, makes phone calls to others to set me up, control my outcomes to prove to others that I am the problem, she feels entitled to SOLVE my problem "?" This is a lack of respect. There is no empathy. She believes she is Right, Entitled, able to be the All seeing EYE!! LOL!
Yes. They believe they know what is best for you and decide for you like if you were a child. They can't allow you having your identity. Of course, they will choose to have you trapped under their abuse "for your own good".
@@AZDC99 I'm a woman but I can relate to that. A narcissist mother will set you up for failure. We don't see the red flags because is so familiar to us. I don't hate men (I have reasons to hate women too since is my mother and sisters my worst abusers) and my three long-term relationships with men they all were narcissists as well but I try not to generalize, otherwise I would hate humankind but I realize I suffer from social anxiety due to the life long string of narcissistic couples, family, co- workers and friends I has attracted all through my life.
My Sister is narcissistic and she is very closely bonded with our narcissistic Mother. I cut them off in '2008. Was very hard because my Mother resisted and harassed me and my family. My Sister on the other hand just fell silent after I confronted her with the emotional abuse she gave me. Great video. Thanks for posting!
Caroline Thompson same here except my narc mother died 3 weeks ago. W her golden children from her 3rd husband next to her. Never asked for my brother and I from her 1st 2 marriages. We were the scapegoats. The *bad seeds*. The *embarassments*
Carson Stout wow! Thats alot! How do you feel now if you dont mind me asking? I locked off my 2 sisters and mother recently. Will miss my sisters wedding so ill be the devil and theyl never let that go even tho they have lied on me, used me and done nasty things up until i moved on.
I had to pull away from my Narcissistic sisters because they were gaslighting me because they found out my parents put me in charge of being executive of my parents Estate.. Now my mom and I don’t speak sense my dad has been sick, so I don’t know where I stand. The two are very Irresponsible when it comes to money and they became jealous after the two found out this happened. Now they have been gaslighting me and telling my mom a bunch of lies and think she believes them. I had remove myself from all of them. I still talk to my dad.
oh yes, spiritual warfare is real. Many are in Evil's grasp. We pray hard for them. But we do not have to break bread with them ever again. Is there hope for a core malignant N? I pray so. Meantime, I've got to dispense with the legacy of prolonged abuse.
Alison Klein Oh so refreshingly comforting to hear from another's post I relate with on a deeper level. The language of your post can only come from another who has a deep understanding and suffering with unveiled eyes to know such wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing your experience , we may have suffered similar issues of abuse , and this abuse is very deceptive and destroying in many ways , especially spiritually to ones core soul are victims of this cruelty. " Not have to break bread with them ever again " is the part reason for this twisted reality we exist in , to weed out the rot , set the truth straight , and set all eternity straight , so we never have to break bread with them again. More strength to you , endure , it will all be worth it. Belinda Leoni
My narcissistic mother has ruined my life and I have lost five brothers and a sister to her lies. They will never listen to my side, or they tell me to get over it. It has devastated me.
I'm so depressed tonight. it's been a year since my mother has ruined a 25 yr friendship i had with her triangulation. I dealt with her narcissistic abuse my whole life but I always warned her that if she ever ruined that relationship I would never speak to her again. So now it's been a year with no best friend and no mother. it has been so difficult, people just don't get it. luckily my sister is starting to see it and validating my feelings. I feel for all you survivors of narssistic parents. you do not deserve to be treated so terribly and you are not crazy and certainly not alone.
I also am feeling depressed this week too because it is so sad to finally realize that we have been betrayed by the very people that should have loved us and protected us and we get treated so badly by our own families, a lot worse than even a stranger could hurt us. The hurt is worse because our own families have done this to us and we did not deserve this.
+butterflygirl56 it's a grieving process we have to go through when we learn are mothers have NPD. it's like a death. there is NO coming back from this. they do not change. they do not and will never think anything is wrong with them. I have spent the last year and a half no contact and researching this personally disorder. We need to stick to and help each other. please if you ever want to tell me your problems with your NP mother, just want to vent, need a friend or some advice feel free to email me. 4mycalanderonandroid@gmail.com
+eastbaysf they lie in wait for you to to trust them enough to tell them something that could damage your job, relationship, etc...if the wrong people knew and then WHAM! They tell everyone under the pretense of them being so worried about you. Right now non of my mother's three kids talk to her but she is fine with that because she gets her narssistic supply from my brothers ex girlfriend who she moved into her house. My poor brother I can't even imagine how he feels about that.
The story of my life.. I am glad I know where it comes from now. My whole family has believed the same old lies about me.. none of them true.. but hey,,, why should they pretend they are worried ? They don't care. It makes them look better and they will never contact you because its "awkward". I have never had a real conversation with any member of my family,, ever. Triangulation is always used.I am ashamed of how I feel about them all. Its hard to accept. Peace!!
I was in the dark all my life about why I was never close to my younger sister and why she started to hate me so much. I just chalked it up to a big age difference. But we weren’t close and I moved away for college so how can she hate someone she never talks to? It took 34 years to realize that my mom was making my sister hate me. It’s very very sad to see because I felt blind sided by her. Especially since I always thought I had a good mom but as soon as I became an adult, she became a monster. If I text my sister, she will send it to my mom and my mom answer the text for her. My mom doesn’t text me unless my sister is copied on the text. It’s disgusting! I’m pregnant and I would prefer to stay away from them both. They are both evil now.
I can't even call my lil bro without her putting it on speaker I feel your pain seriously I don't even speak to lil bro nomore shit is the worst pain ever
Thank you. It means a lot. "The black sheep" or the scapegoat who has to live with an extremely Narcissistic mother and her golden child, mainly seeks to be understood. It's as if everyone around me does not want to acknowledge the existence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It feels crazy. Maybe they see it but since they're not being abused like a scapegoat they don't really care.
+Bryan Vincent Yes they do see it but the golden child knows that she is exept and does not care, and even finds it funny. It enables the golden child to feel even more special and entitled to then start to put the scapegoat down, and to then become a narc......
Bryan, I was/am the family scapegoat too. All my life, I wanted others to understand me, to know that I wasn't "sick" but that I came from a sick family and I was only damaged by them! But only you and I understand that, along with our scapegoated friends here. Rise above those family members. It's awfully hard not to grow up believing what they've said to you about yourself, all the names they've called you, all the horrible things they've accused you of, and so on. The best thing is to not make yourself available to them and that way, you're not around to abuse, insult, disparage, gossip about or to even observe. Make yourself scarce! They'll wonder why, but only you need to know that answer. Remember, it's the scapegoat who can see things most clearly. You are probably the smartest and the sanest one in the whole bunch.
@@cjb128 Wow! - Thank you SO much for your comment! It really helped me. I'm the family scapegoat too, and I'm now 64. I've always been so ashamed of being the scapegoat that I couldn't really talk about it much at all, though I have done some work on it in therapy. Somehow you helped me break through a mountain of shame-driven silence into a place where I can speak up more than usual, with others, naming the problem. Of course it's important to be wise about who we risk sharing the truth with, and how we tell that truth, so we can be as safe as possible. I hope Narcissism Survivor and other wise, brave helpers, will do videos on how to survive being the family scapegoat. Best of luck, CJB and all you other lovely, brave people. I repeat - Lovely, Brave People. Lovely and Brave - no matter what.
@@SpiritualTarotbyYvonne And I learned tht the golden child is Jealous of the scapegoat. My sister made me shame in front people. I didnt know wht was goin on until i started researching
I am going through this. I've been through it my entire life so far. It's so tragic. I lost my only siblings, my sister, and my brother, to my narcissist mother. I'm the scapegoat. I've tried and tried to educate both of my siblings on what narcissism is and why myself and my therapist believe that our mother is in fact narcissistic. I literally have no immediate family. My dad abandoned us siblings. He was mentally ill as well. I am grieving so bad. This cruel abuse makes my heart sad. I have so many unresolved hurt, anger, resentment built up. I will say, I now believe that God put these "parents" in my life so I would become the wonderful, unconditionally loving parent that I've become. 💞💞
This video is beyond perfect for me, I am one of 5 siblings and my mother talks bad about each one of us to eachother behind our back! and then when we see eachother there is so much anger and tension because my mom has been bashing one of us to each siblings and acting like she never said a word! it's really hard!
I'm 54 and this is happening to me right now. I just got the following text from my closest sibling: "I have no desire to talk to you. Please don't contact me." This came on the heels of me and my narc father having a massive blow out which was driven by my unwavering refusal to be manipulated by him. I'm pretty sure I'm being excommunicated by my entire family. Wow! @ 4:23 ... It reminds me of catching this very sinister look on my fathers face when my siblings and I were fighting as kids. I remember thinking "He (my father) is enjoying this." I was around 11 years old. Of course I didn't know what to do with that, but I clearly filed it away. Now I know. He was deriving pleasure (supply?) from pitting us siblings against each other. And now I can picture my siblings reading this and saying 'He (me) is out of his mind.' It's an f'ing tragedy.
The early stages a "coldness." This is exactly how it was. My older brother was a great brother when I was younger. When I got to be about 11-12, he got just like this. A very strange indifference and anger.
Dirtmaid they must undermine social units for supply - they’re pathologically jealous of people being close or getting along they set out to dismantle those relationships and more often than not children of the narcissist are deluded by the early childhood conditioning and manipulation happens so early on they’re essentially brainwashed or they are aware but can’t openly acknowledge it- it’s all a game to the narcissist
I'm losing my last sibling (my lil' sister) to NM's diabolical plan, to exclude me, b/c I'm No Contact with my NPD Mother............... This is so heartbreaking, but thank you for making these videos, so I can feel "not so alone"......... Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!
Same here.. just seconds away from NO CONTACT from my narcissistic mother too. She's 81-years old and she lives 2300 mi away.. but the passive aggressiveness IS becoming much too much for me even now at 49yrs old for myself
I'm in total agreement. Subversive actions start very early in childhood I believe. Seed planting in the siblings psyche that you (the scapegoat) are either bad, greedy, inferior, weak, too needy, too distant - whatever suits their particular game. Instead of the sibling having compassion for their brother, sister or relative they join the Narc and sell their soul to the devil in my opinion. Last year it took my NM only a few months to totally mess-up my cousins head and this poor girl had her own problems from childhood so wherever Narcs go trouble flows. The whole family need to re-think their naivety about the nice but eccentric old lady. Thank you Survivor for exposing these narcissists!
Yes, "SELL THEIR SOUL" is the perfect phrase for it! I had these whiny older siblings complain about our parents our whole lives. Yet they acted like defenders if I dared have any direct criticism myself last decade. (Even though I'm the SSI/DI income guy living 2300 mi away for decades.) After hearing all their bashing only to NOW SEE this weird defending after all these decades, it makes me think of a Megadeth lyric, "HYPOCRITE IS THE WORD THAT FITS,... You're pushing me to a BREAKPOINT!" Don't trust golden children (or even other fellow SCAPEGOATe for that matter at all, younger folks, they'll ONLY stab you in the back at the end!)
My mother was a narcissist, emotionally cruel and neglectful. Now she's in a home, in her late 80s with alzheimers and dementia. I couldn't bond with her, she wouldn't allow it. She enjoyed pitting family members against each other. I've been NC with her for 3 years. My sister has power of attorney. Her husband told me I had to do something, I had to call my mother, write, something, because my mother's health is declining, and she asks about me in the home. When I told my sister it bothered me what he said, she defended him, and said they were just worried about Mom. I've struggled with depression, addiction and loneliness all my life and it's getting worse. I'm going to see my doctor cause I'm losing my will, and I myself am declining physically and mentally, which they don't consider should be my top priority. They are of the "honor your parents no matter what they did" school. I went NC for a reason, my mother called me a pig as a child, told me once she wished she'd never have me, on and on, I am not mean by staying away, I am so hurt. According to my sister and her husband I am to think about my mother now. They think I'm selfish for staying away. My feelings don't matter and I feel conflicted for staying away but I have to come first or I will sink further.
Thank you Eliza. I have felt so alone but now realize, with the help of channels like this, that I am not. Everything's getting brighter now that I draw more boundaries.
I'm crying my eyes out right now. Your describing my sister to a T! Throughout my childhood I felt something was off about my her. She would say negitve things to me and then pretend to build me up again. I knew she was never genuine but I loved her. It was so confusing sometimes ? In a way I feel like she destroyed a part of me. I have little to no self-esteem. The worst part is no one else see it. Everyone stick up for her they say "That's just how she is"! I've always been highly intuitive and It's helped me to see things for what they are. I started therapy this year and I"m trying to get my self worth back. Does anyone else have this family dynmic?
I was proxy bullied terribly by my older brother and my mother seemed to enjoy my distress. I grieve that I have had no good relationship with him. My mother blames me for all of this and my brother hates me. She loves to have big family Christmases (without me) and thinks everything is just wonderful. Her denial is profound. His is probably worse. It's tragic.
This is what I’m currently experiencing... it breaks my heart every single day. I have decided to go NC with my mother and thus, I’ve lost my entire family.
I'm sorry. There are many of us who lose our entire families when we decide to tell the TRUTH!! NM pitted everyone against me too. She has a daughter in law who is also hell bent on hating me and destroying my integrity. These people are evil.
Are you a member of my family? You just described how my relationship with my brother mysteriously collapsed! To a tee! I knew my mother had destroyed my relationship with my sister but I did not understand what happened with my brother, but you explained it, thank you.
Anne Johnson in my case my father destroyed my relationship with my younger brother. Now everything makes sense to me . I wish I knew about narcissism earlier.
This what made my NM unforgivable. Tried to ask my closest sibling by email to find out what was being said behind my back and first I was ignored and then was told nothing was being said about me which was a lie. Haven't heard from him since. The jokes on him, my NM used to bad mouth him and when he shows up she says nice things about him to conceal her smear campaign. They must have a little narcissism in them for them to not tell you what's up. Simply unforgivable.
There ain't nothing like that is there? I had a fellow scapegoat in my family of orgin who never got to hear the crap said behind his back growing up on my ends from them. He decided to fight me to death even though it was not his fight it was between me and my parents and my own money. These people are despicable and I hope there's a hell for them to burn in afterwards
Me too. My sister was completely aware of our mother's destructive narcissism and psychotic behaviour. There was a time I thought there was hope for her. However, her total transformation into a replica of our mother happened so quickly I was horrified and in shocked disbelief. I expect she couldn't resist the toxic environment. I don't understand how she can consciously adopt this behaviour given her previous outrage and intensive therapy. Anyway, there's no point reasoning with her anymore - since she's on board the narcissistic programme I have had to cut her out of my life too for my own sanity and calm in my home. But I absolutely agree, narcissism does seem to be contagious.
Many thanks and blessings. Watching myself be scapegoated and my sister treated as the golden child wasn't as bad as watching her become an exact clone of my narcissistic parent. Watching her become a narcissist has been a horrible experience.
I’ve been watching your channel from France (I’m French) for three weeks now, and I want to tell you how much comfort I get from watching your videos. Thank you so much for what you’re doing. I cut all contact with my malignant narcissistic mother three years ago, and I have very low contact with my sister (two emails a year, for our birthdays). I am their scapegoat. For a while, I thought my sister was "just" my mother’s flying monkey, until I realized she was her CLONE. Malignant narcissism replicates itself. And this hurts so much, because I realize, as time goes by, that it is as if I entered a mourning time. Loosing a sibling hurts so much : she is my younger sister (and only sibling) , and for years I have witnessed all the process which has turned her into this cold haughty person, but by then I had no idea it was a process and that malignant narcissism existed.
Welcome Marie and thank you for writing and the kind words. I very well know the feeling of not knowing what's going on and then coming to the understanding, a clear understanding. It's very, very painful. Thank you for sharing and make sure you subscribe to keep in touch.
This doesnt just apply to siblings. It goes for anyone the narcissist has close contact with. Always pitting people against each other. They go on smear campaigns and paint you as the crazy one.
Crucial point! I found out the hard way that the SMEAR CAMPAIGN doesn't just stop with the family of origin. They will swoop in and turn your closest friends and lovers against you too.. there IS no boundaries for those types
I tried to communicate to my GCB and talk to him about the abuse. His response was "I will not talk about the past because it won't benefit neither you nor I" So..what does that mean? It means that he's saying let's just pretend that all of this never happened and continue on as with life. So, that's exactly what I did. I blocked him on all social media, he doesn't know my phone number, where I live or what is going on in my life. It's not a form of punishment or holding a grudge, it means I am tired of this nonsense and I am going to move forward with my life without this abuse and craziness. I put up with it for 42 years with both him and my NM. To be quite honest, he stood right beside my NM and made excuses for her lies and nonsense and I have had ENOUGH! NO MORE ABUSE...THE END!!! Thomas Sheridan did an excellent video on no contact and what it means and he is right! Karma is bullshit and people need to stop trying to validate the injustice of the conduct of the narcissist and their flying monkeys. It's about having a curtain separating you from your abuser for life and not knowing or caring what the hell is going on with them. They no longer exist. I have seen my GCB on the street a few times in town and he can't look at me in the face. Why is that? Because my body language speaks to him and tells him "you're an abuser, you are a narcissist and I know what you did!
I feel that the narcs first emotion was jealousy toward anyone in the family unit. This jealousy would manifest in malice, cruelty and humiliation toward all others in the unit at home, school, work, partners and their own offspring.According to the narc no one is to love YOU. If you are loved then the narc will abuse you out of revenge and humiliate the one that loves you accusing you of manipulation. This ensures their place on the throne. So why the need for a golden child?? The narc demands all the attention, all the control and all the freedom and is NEVER to be questioned about anything, absolute loyalty without question is demanded. However, no one is allowed to get close to the narc. The narc does not cater to your needs, you cater to the narcs. So now we have the golden child or heir apparent! The GC is allowed to sit on the throne and share the same power and demands. This further distances all members of the court. The GC is conjoined with the narc but why? What does the narc really need a GC for? Everyone is either obeying or losing their heads. Is it possible that the GC'S sole purpose other than alienating everyone else is to pass the crown onto????
SPOT ON !!! Once I awoke I realized who was pulling the strings.... but alas, the damage they've done to my life is permanent. I'm doing so much better since I acknowledged what was happening. Yes, I miss my so-called Family but I'm so much happier ! Thanksgiving is coming and MY Friends will be with me instead of the sad sick family I used to have.... ;-)) I love my new world of TRUTH and Love !!
@@NarcissismSurvivor I guess I'm a slow learner but after a few years of no contact, I'm regretting contacting them back already. The so-called siblings. Something is off about it and I feel like I'm their so-called underling in it all and I don't want to deal with it anymore
Every single person is my life is now gone; those in my family, so-to-speak. Everyone of them contaminated by the jealousy, lies, and obfuscation of any circumstances that ever occurred since I was born. It used to really hurt me; I spent years and years trying to clear it up; I was injured so profoundly after trying so hard to be a "good person; educate myself; have a good job; and be a productive person, that I found myself completely alone; disillusioned, and ultimately sobbing in despair." No matter my success or effort; it didn't matter; I was dirt. People I had never met looked at me with disappointment and judgment. I couldn't say a word; no one would believe me. This is very damaging to you and the loss of people whom could have been a real source of true love and solid relationships. I never did anything to the people who I met, or family members I had truly never been near; they already had an opinion of me. My love for others; hard work; responsibilities, and in keeping them, meant nothing to them; they heard the "prince of the air." Lies; and for a reason; to obfuscate the real truth. The only way to live at all, and to carry on, is to depart forever. Life has just begun, all over again. It is the only way.
Exactly, life has to begin again, I have had my social life completely destroyed by the lies and betrayal of friends and my parents, I have even had the looks and smirks of the sheeple who chose to believe the lies they heard; Cant blame them, part of human nature, soo whatever. But knowing the truth, I have refused to lie down and die, I am not doing it for the narcissists in my life, although they probably will like to think soo, I have reigned in feelings of revenge as best as I can, and I have got up and carried on. Because the way I look at it, I was always a good person and was always going to make something worthwile in life. My father jealousy and narcissism however traumatizing and maliciously intended it clearlly has been, WILL NOT stop me from following my yellow brick road,
We will both be following our yellow brick road; the very best to you always. Thank you for sharing your situation; you have a lot of friends out here!!!
These videos are so so accurate. It's like you are describing exactly my situation. Thanks so much for these. I'm sure that these videos are bringing so much comfort to many others and not only helping to change lives for the better but also probably saving lives. The trauma, loneliness and mental health problems caused by being a scapegoat can be unbearable. Thanks again man :)
Happened to me and is devastating. It is sad to say the siblings (in my case two) once they know what was going on still chose to lie to avoid the disapproval of our narcissistic mother.
Watching your videos back to back and I can't stop crying. Its like you've been watching my life all along and now you are telling me what you've seen in it. I'm finally not alone. Thank you so much!
The narcs sinister, cult like, tactics, for self preservation. All is good, if you play along with the "front." I finally decided to opt out of the game. I see my sister as a victim, and it hurts me, but by opting out, I don't have to witness the bullshit first hand. We can't help the victim of a narc, they have to want and seek help themselves.
I have experienced this word for word as you describe. I wish I had known this years ago. I am 60 and just now understanding what happened to me and my family. My parents lived 1 mile away and I had to cut off contact 3 years before my mother died.My golden child brother is a text book example of the silence that you described. I stopped all contact with him several years ago as well. It can be lonely but it was not in my best interest not to interact with any of them. I really lost nothing by leaving them out of my life.
Same here, Vic. At 49 I'm going to have to make the same choice. After years being frozen out of family get-togethers living 2,300 mi away (even though they used to pay for airline tickets twice a year until I challenged The Golden Child... Trying to force me into some rehab lifestyle that I did not want and will not take even though I drink daily and I do drugs twice a month.. sue me!), I'm afraid I'm going to have to take some financial losses and just cut off my crappy upper middle class family too
Nathalie Lake. Yes, my golden child younger brother and I have no contact . It's heartbreaking . He is cold, self-centered and doesn't care about me at all. He was my baby love and our narcissistic mother destroyed it all.
Yes, my mother always pitted me and my sister against each other since we were kids. She would laugh when as teenagers, we would argue. I remember thinking how sick she is to laugh at her own children in turmoil. Now I get it, she was happy to see her handy work played out perfectly to keep us at odds. It just got worse as we got older. I became the scapegoat and my mother and sister would talk behind my back. I had no idea what I had done. I didn’t even live in the same city but my mother continued to drag my name through the mud and honestly she did the same thing with my sister. She spoke horribly of her as well. I saw what my mother was doing, I just didn’t understand why. As adults, my sister and I barely speak except on family holidays. After my dad died, I moved back around my family and they became worse. My mother and sister spread lies about me to my brother and poisoned my nephew against me. I walked away from their toxic fumes 3 yrs ago and have never felt better. My dad brought the family together while my mother kept us apart. After his death, I lost any semblance of a family. I feel like an orphan but it’s better than living in the dysfunction. Every word you spoke was spot on. Thank you. Love and light.. 🙏🏼✨💫
This past year, my sisters and I realized our mother had been triangulating us for years. We still had talked occasionally but it was awkward...I started to feel really validated at first, because I thought we were all on the same page and had identified M as an N (we all agreed, and it was such a burden lifter for me)....one of my sisters (I was always closer with her) actually moved across the country to be closer to me (yay!) but the other one, who lives near NM, suddenly turned a cold shoulder, and then wrote me an email about a month ago basically telling me to let bygones be bygones and that I should be the one to make up with our NM (I’ve been NC for 10 months) and that I just needed to forgive and it was “not that bad”, and that she didn’t want to read any more articles about N. I was even more hurt by this betrayal than the triangulation because I realized that she was never really in agreement with us...she was just storing info so she could continue to gossip. She was even the one who told our M that we thought she was a N (she thought of that on her own; I would never advocate doing that), but that’s an example of how tactless she is. God bless you, Tom!
+YogaMom YogaMom, when I read your account today,. I felt stunned, I am very close to experiencing what you have recently gone through with your sister. I have one that happens to live the closest to our NM. The other one, although living much further away seems entirely duped by NM. However when I explained that I did not want to recently visit with NM, (due to safety issues as there are now g-kids involved) she defended the narc saying "she is just a lonely old lady and misses these children - i did not BEGIN to explain that I am defending them from becoming 'supply' to the hungry 'narc' )" and so I realized she is not nearly at the level of comprehension of this....but yet she did say she wanted to keep ties with me, but it might be 'hard' I fear discussing this topic with her anytime soon because I may hear what yours told you, and feel the pain of even MORE loss (we lost dad and other sib, may they RIP, in last few years) Perhaps I should just get it over with and discover she too may not be in fact wanting an authentic relationship with me, because that would mean maintaining the "narc" and her lifestyle of abuse. The betrayal is what I am terrified to face - at least even more of it. if you need an ear...
+KG GR I’m supporting you 100%! I just now got a very nasty email from my other sister who all along has called our mother a Narc now she’s changing her tune...they project all of the problems onto ME including parents failing health...sorry, but we can’t take the blame for that. That is God’s business alone....Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. This whole Narc business sucks and it can consume your whole life....The only solution is NC...It’s worth it to me to be free for once, even though I know they will continue to talk behind my back...So be it. Protect those kids at all costs. My two oldest are teens and they see what’s going on.
Thank you!! I know this cycle well...all too well!! Destroyed my whole family and now here I am watching survivor videos. You get it!! This is actually very empowering. We end up thinking we are the crazy ones. Now, I realize I am a Narc magnet. Seems to have been a pattern after I escaped my sisters. But, these videos are sooo helpful, to sort through and see the red flags. Finally learning to love myself. But, years of stabs in the heart, and still hard to heal. Thank you again!! I am going to watch the rest of your videos. :))
Yes I totally agree. Whenever I ever confronted my mother about her behavior, she always tells everyone that I must be bipolar and have mental illness and she should have locked me away a long time ago. This has been her answer every time. I now know what has been going on and it has been very liberating for me!
They want us to think we are crazy and to destabilize us so we take more blame for their actions. The worst part is they end up making us feel like we are not worth even fighting for anymore.
You just summed up what happened between me and my sister who yes is now a N thanks to our NM... A brother who is a sociapath, doing 25-life and a another B who is a Psypath who did 30yrs in jail. I am of course the scapegoat ! You should put stuff in a book! Your insight to this is incredible, don't stop posting you are helping us a great deal. Thank you. Namaste.
I've basically lost the relationship with my parents due to a narcissistic older sister. It's been soul destroying. My sister is now almost 30 and it saddens me to know that she'll probably never change, given her age. Listening to your message was a comfort though. It somehow validated my feelings and made me realise that I'm not the only one who's going through it.
my 'golden child' sibling is now a bigger, badder narcissist than my mother - I believe she has crossed the line into insanity with death threats toward me over imaginary things I've done to her, even going so far as driving her car at me and slamming on the brakes at the last minute with a smile on her face. And we haven't even spoken for months (since she demanded via text - and all in caps with gazillions of exclamation marks that I stay away from HER mother).
My older sister of 10 years used to always whine about my mom here and there. Yet here we are a few decades later and she's a bigger narcissist than my mom could ever dream of being! "Hypocrite is the word that fits.. you pushing me to a break point"--Megadeth
I'm the scapegoat and I used to feel so upset that my brother wanted to push me out to remain the golden child... now, I know how sadly it will end for him without the scapegoat. I had his back always... some say he will be aware of everything
Its not what they can give.. its what they can get from you.. and they love to take and feel like they should have been given it all along! Its horrible. Vampires! They can't even SPEAK about what they feel you have done to them... SO true!!!! Its always a trap.. like a mouse trap, First to speak DIES.. its pathetic.
Thanks for posting. I've been trying for 3 years to convince my sister. Time for acceptance. I need to move forward. I really needed to hear that. Thank you
Wow, how I can relate to everything you have shared. We lost our 20 year old daughter to an 18 year old Narc. He married her against all of our wishes as soon as he turned 18. We begged her to look into this info, but she refused. She's been drained financially and emotionally, but refuses to see why. She was the sweetest child and it has broke our heart to see this go down. This has been a nightmare.
My brother-in-law married a narcissist that we all warned him about. She literally told him that she was sociopathic with psychopathic tendencies and felt no empathy... Pretty soon after the wedding, he dropped off the face of the earth and refuses to be under the same roof as my husband and acts like he hates him. They used to be so close... This has been very hard on my husband and his parents, but this video was soooo informative and hits home so hard. Thank you.
My sibling is my identical twin sister and her husband of 35 years is a Narcissise who has triangulated us over many years. Thank you for helping me in breaking away from my dear twin and turning that helplessness into healing. It starts today God Bless you!!!
To all the scapegoats out there with no contact to their families, I wish you a merry Christmas 🎄 and a happy 2020 from Switzerland 🇨🇭 Thank you so much for this video 🙏 What a pity, that it is in my recommendations only after five years, in 2019. I had to turn 50 and go no contact to understand, that I lost my brother many years ago and also one of my best friend bc of my covert narcissistic mother. But the glass is half full, I have another 50 years of love and happiness without abuse and drama. 🍀
Thank you so much for this video! You have just clarified what I already knew :) It was like you were telling me my life story. I have decided to go no contact very recently with my narcissistic mother and sister. My mother has said and done some nasty things over the years but a few weeks ago she told me that she was tired of me and my sister calling her a bad mother and that if we didn't like her parenting then we know where the door is. She then added "I have done what I legally had to do!". Basically she is correct, she did provide us with food, water, clothes, a roof, all the legal stuff ....but no love, no affection, no empathy, no mental well being, no words of kindness, no hugs. Nothing. That is where she and I differ. I don't even feel sad, I feel free. I am a 27 year old married women and sometimes I feel as though I take my anger out on my husband which is something I need to work on. Thank you so much for your words, I recently went to see a counsellor and she didn't explain it the way you just did! Please put your wise words into a book! Many thanks, Nicola from the UK
Thank you for writing Nicola. I think many of us with Narcissistic parents have relationship issues at some point during our lives. It's completely understandable. Enjoy your freedom, you very much deserve it!!!
I'd tell her, good, now I'm going to do what I'm legally required to do. I am putting your behavior on record correctly and I am divorcing your flesh. Goodbye. Get out and away as soon as you can.
slobomotion Thank you for your advice. I have cut contact with my mother and my sister. My situation however is rather tricky. My sister has mental health issues and has had her three children, aged 5 and 18 month old twins placed in my mothers care until they are 18. Myself and my husband absolutely adore those kids but the only way I can see them is if my husband collects them and brings them to our house for the day. So, basically my husband will have direct contact with my mother but I wont. My husband fully understand whats going on but he is so laid back he never gets involved. Whether or not that will work remains to be seen. I just cant bring myself to cut those beautiful children out and I know one day at least one or all three of them will need me for support. Cos lets face it, a Narcissist never changes its spots and my mother and sister are toxic! So I am not totally NC because I cant bring myself to not be around for my nephews and my niece but as far as direct verbal communication or face to face contact goes. No way! I haven't spoken to my mother in 7 weeks and she has made no effort to call so that tells me everything I need to know.
Nicola Hogg Cut those kids loose. I am sorry, but this is necessary. You'd better do it now than later. Your sister needs her own help and you are leapfrogging her "for the kids you need to have contact with." What you're doing to your non-confrontational spouse is unfair to him and will not work in the longrun. Show some backbone and CUT THEM OFF. This may sound incredibly harsh but in future times you may remember my words. Sadly. You are not their parents. You are not a therapist. If the family or any part of it is sick, cut out the gangrene or die of it.
slobomotion I absolutely agree with everything you have just said (deep down I know its true) and appreciate your advice but I love those kids so much and can predict how they will feel in the future. I want them to know they will always have me in their life and can turn to me at any given time. I do agree with what you say but cutting those innocent kids would be to much. Thank you for your advice.
That happened to me with my youngest brother, EXACTLY as you described. To a T. To this day, I have NO idea why the hell he stopped talking to me out of the blue for 4 years. I remember asking my N. ex Mom what's up with him (before I knew she was a malignant narcissist) and she kept giving these lame, unbelievable excuses "Oh, he's just busy". I eventually fired his ass. Meanwhile, she probably filled his head with a pack of lies about me.You're right. I wanna contact him and send him this video to explain...but, like you said, the feelings are so CEMENTED by now that, what's the point? Plus, he's in contact with THEM: my ex- narc parents and the other golden children. He may well BE a golden child himself and I strongly suspect his control-freak emasculating-WIFE is a narc herself (She, who's always been jealous of me and hated me since day 1 when we met...he married his 1st girlfriend; 4 yrs my senior. I was only 14 when we met...she always hated me because I was,at the time, a boy-magnet and she is a homely, plain Jane: Hey, that is not my fault! I was ALWAYS kind to her.) So no point in even trying to reconnect.I think he's surrounded by narcs. Too bad. He was a nice guy. We were once very close. Big thing in my mind tho is, when I fired my abusive parents, NONE of my siblings came to ask me, "Denise, what's the matter?" NO. They just took the narcs' word for face-value. That, in itself is grounds to get yourself fired outta my life in my book: Disloyal back-stabbers! I cannot reconnect with him and I do not trust him because he fraternizes with The Enemy(s) HIS loss cuz he loses a GREAT sister.
Everything you mentioned here on this video really validates the separation of me and my other sisters. For years I have prayed and forgiven them time and time again. Then when I finally figured out and discovered with what I have been up against with my mother and sisters and stumbled onto the term of narcissisium. Then I had the light bulb moment and saw and dealt with the reality not only was my mother and late father are narcissists but also my sisters and any friend associated with them. The first reality that I dealt with was coming to terms and accepted the fact that I will never have the mother that will ever love me and give me what I need. So then I decided to define what a real loving and non narcissistic mother is to me and I'm learning to become that mother for myself so that I can heal that wounded inner child within me. Then came to a discovery that my late father was not only the enabler but also a narcissist but I never realized it until Lon after he passed away over 2 years ago. I never took his death hard because he made the wrong decisions with his health anf he paid the price. Then lastly I came to the realization that my sisters and half sisters and brothers will always be blinded by my narcissistic mother and has every single siblings wrapped around her finger. You mentioned if whether educating siblings about the narcissistic parent and in my opinion and for my situation it would be a big waste of time because they are so blinded and will always be under my narcissistic mother's spell. I know that every victim of a narcissistic parent (s) that educating one's siblings situation would be very different. And I completely agree that it's up to us to determine if educating one's siblings about the narcissistic parent.
I dare say that my mom and my dad are both huge narcissists. They play the opposite so well that if they get attacked they get defended to death. It's ridiculous! Jesus knows what to do with people like those
Same here Dione. It was like watching a horror movie unfold. How could my sibling be so cruel after all I've done for him. Then I finally, finally, finally realized, the teacher (Narcissist) has planted the seed so deep that they also become, not always, the Narcissist themselves. It's just too painful for us and we must take care of ourselves. Please remember to put yourself first. Thank you for writing.
Your video on triangulation really chill my spine with precise accuracy! my narc spouse did a excellent job with my siblings and their families. eventhough my sibling are highly regarded in their church, they hatred toward me was enough to commit murder! Yup I have to accept your advise about accepting them as losses. They have hopelessly turn into narc zombies. This video is the first to enlighten me about sibling triangulation. I too have consider trying to educate my siblings but have to refocus my effort to surviving instead. Thank you so much
Thank you so much for shining so much light in my direction. I thought I was going crazy as I could not understand why my younger sister's behaviour towards me was so venomous. Once I moved to another country, it was not too long before my impressionable older sister, for no apparent turned against me. My younger sister fully took advantage of me not being around. My older sister let my younger sister get into her head. It's been almost ten years since I've spoken to either of them. I never blamed my older sister. All I could ask myself is "How can I get her back?" But it's just as you described, near impossible. The problem is, I know that if I did try to somehow get her back, the risk of further damage between us all is very, very real. I agree that just leaving it and not looking back is the best advice. But that hurts. Really hurts. At least, for the first time, I feel as if I have an understanding. For that I thank you. This is the first resource I have found that talks about losing a sibling to a narcissist. It's been very comforting.
Tom I totally agree with you about this. I feel at this point, it is of use to try and talk to my siblings who have been turned against me. It keeps us in the sick mode to keep trying to convince them what the narc has done. It does no good to even talk to these people.
As the scapegoat child, I chose to be the rebellious one, the survivor, therefore I have always had a healthy self worth, thank god, your self esteem could be ruined if you were too sensative. My sister the golden child, has lost herself, my mother stole it for her own gains, as they lived together for 20+ years in my parents house, I know she would turn my sister against me, me and my family where getting more and more pushed out the door when we would visit, we were treated like pariah. When they then started, on my son and not showing any respect to him either, I dediced I had had enough. Yes she ruined our family and I have not shed a tear and she died 7 years ago, she also turned my father against me and I know he did love me when I was young, but I am very sad and surprised that he has continued on the crap even after my mother has gone and that is sad, but I have learned to not think too much about that I cannot change and choose to love my immediate family as much as I can
I was made a scapegoat recently by family members. I feel angry, because it's unjust. My crime? To care. I feel betrayed. I've walked away from them all.
I have been tormented by my family for years. Like 15 years. I have read and read. I logically understand, but this video is the first thing that struck home to the point my mind went quiet. This was like a warm blanket over me. I get it. Thank you for this. I have been sharing it. This has saved my sanity.
Thank you! For ur words an insight in this matter. Yes, triangulation is so deep that there is no room for growth, opportunity or creativity. There is no changing at least from my experience. This has been one of the greatest lessons I've had to accept, this is why no contact is so important...the web of lies will not be unravelled they will only grow at every attempt you make to penetrate there truth..this is their reality and as amazing children of light we must choose what's best, healthy and for our highest good for ourselves..letting go is the best for everyone involved..our biological family's are not all we have..and lets consider the lesson in that experience...no contest/no contact
Very well said Calisa, thank you. You are 100 percent correct. I made the almost fatal mistake of after 25 years of no contact thinking that it would have changed. It grown a lot worse and this time almost killed me. Thank you for the wisdom tonight. I needed it.
Thanks so much for making the video. I am 10 years older than my siblings and they are not aware of many of the wicked things my malignant narcissist mother did. When I got old enough to refuse to be a partner in some of her wicked mess she got vexed with me. She went on a smear campaign that was vicious and the enabling family just became to much for me to bear. After my grandmother and aunts passed away I walked away from the family. It is the best thing I ever did for my mental health.
Thank you, Tom, you are describing my path exactly. Twenty years ago I told my sister about our mother's narcissism, I pointed out to her, thought I had to, that there was a name to the suffering that we had shared all through our childhood and youth. I had just started therapy. She did not respond. It was too late. Our mother had gotten to her and she had fallen into the trap. Now recently, after twenty years of no contact (yes, pulled that through, proud of myself), my sister picks up contact. And what does she have to tell me? That she had spoken to a friend about our mother, and that this person had given her a book on "borderline personality disorder". Not too far off the mark, I thought to myself. My sister laughed hysterically about the coiincidence, what a joke that was! And very clearly she was not going to look into this. She just wanted to mock me. I assume we are heading into another twenty years of silence now. As long as our mother is still pulling the strings, there is not a shred of hope. Thanks for describing the phenomenon so well.
Thank you for your videos. My brother married a narcissist and she already alienated my wife from the rest of the family because she called her out on her bs. She said I was free to see them but not her. He already doesn't call our mum or myself. I will follow your advice and leave them be. I'm saddened to lose my brother who was always very close to me.
OMG. Tom you read my mind. This is EXACTLY my situation 20yrs counting. Your advice has been more valuable than any of the top psychologists I have paid hundreds of dollars to see. Wow. For 20yrs I didn't know how to explain this, and your video read my experience .Incredible video.Thankyou.
It wasn't until I watched your videos today that the light came on and it became apparent that this is what I have been dealing with. My abuser is my sister. She alienates everyone from me. I am in constant conflict wondering what is wrong with me that my family treats me like this. I have my own children, grandchildren and loving husband. Yet my darkest days are spent trying to figure out what I have done to deserve this. My sister uses gifts, money to buy people. She tells so many lies that I don't know how she can keep it all straight. I have tried to remedy the situation. She claims too, but it never gets better. Now I know what I am dealing with. I tried no contact, then limited contact only to have her hurt me repeatedly. I realize now that calling her out and getting angry only feeds her. Sadly, we live in a very small town. Thank you for revealing what she truly is and give me some tools to deal with her. I don't know what lesson I am supposed to learn in this life time. I am not the villain she claims me to be.
Thank you , thank you can't say it enough! Totally spot on as all your other videos. Had no contact with two siblings for 5years and finally seen the light to realise and discovering I have a narcissist mother. No contact for over a year. Finally free and finally feel me at the age of 51!
This validates everything that has happened between my cluster B mother and my two siblings. .I am no contact for one year and moved countries away from the insanity of my family of origin which is trans gereational abuse thru the linege...this scapegoat is stopping this from infectiing her any longer. .I have lost everyone including my beautiful nieces because my sister their mother hates me...I sense from the triangulation of my sick mother who us now 91 years old with dementia...she is pocessed by a deranged non entity...thank you for your wisdom and love...big hug xxx
This video fits my current situation so well, I'm almost in tears. And I already figured out that nothing I say will effect any positive change--I'm the scapegoat in my triangulating family. Can't change it no matter what I do. I am so sad that I'll probably have to compleyely cut the cords just to save my sanity. Thank you so much for this video.
