SIRI X SONG6IRD I’m sorry that this was so long ago, but I noticed that no one has responded and I just had to say something. The fact that you’re still here despite the darkness and all that pain is what makes you strong. You may not feel strong but most strong people don’t realise that they are strong. I hope you’re doing a bit better now and I’m sorry you feel like this.
@@sirisongbird I understand, trust me. But you are strong. It's very common to have thoughts like that after the intense abuse from narcissists, but you are fighting on. Don't beat yourself up because of those thoughts, the fact you are still here proves that you are stronger than you give yourself credit.
That's all part of their playbook. It's also how they hooked their partners (love bombing). They cannot let others see how cruel they are, if they did then they wouldn't get away with their abuse.
This makes sense. They isolate you, then manipulate then they triangulate. Then they gaslight. By the time they have done all this I am broken as a person. My family hates me. My friends barely exist. And I look like a crazy person...and I probably am. I am probably unstable due to the narcissist shit. But part of it makes me wonder how weak the relationships were to begin with.
AllThatKazz, I saw this was a recent post and felt a need to respond. Even though I am over the Narc now, I have been diagnosed with CPTSD. I understand Stockholm syndrome, and why the abused stay quite well. But I think what hurt me the worst was my best friend of 30 years telling me I was lying. If I wasn't lying (according to her) I would have left him. I wouldn't have gone back, so I was just making stuff up and she wanted nothing more to do with me. Didn't want to hear another word. All those years I was friends with her and she didn't know me better than that? I tried to explain that YES I had a problem or I wouldn't keep going back or staying with him but please don't say I'm lying when you've known me forever... It ended our friendship. Still hurts, and I even told her I was glad she had a hard time understanding because that meant she had never been abused, even as a child. Her response was, "So you had a bad childhood. Get over it. It was a long time ago." I actually thought I had gotten over my family's past, but after this covert narc's monstrous behavior, everything collapsed in at once. I did boot him out and have been no contact for 4 years now, but the loss of my friend who was actually not a friend... her treatment of me still hurts. Hope you are doing better now. I found a great counselor for the first time in my life and would recommend it so you never allow these types to enter your life again.
im so sry that happened to u....but sometimes i feel that narc survivors can only be close to other narc survivors not "regular" people. it hurts a whole lot, a real betrayal
Exactly. It's a fucking possession not just an abusive relationship. Sumone very important n my life said to me today *how many women have been thru this* it crushed me I thought they understood this was different. As time passsss others n even yourself forget it wasn't just that all she is sayin rings way too true, everything it's so bizarre I'm tryin so hard to look at this horrendous sociopath/Narc as a gift the things he did n the way he did it = pure evil. I never "hated" an ex like him and yes almost all my friends are gone, my life a total mess after him- not "him" -•it•
I’m going thru exactly how he same experience right now I have everyone in my life and everything I once owned all taken from me by my ex narcissist. 😥
Narcs will turn everyone against you. Love yourself. GOD loves you. Liberate yourself from inauthentic people who are stupid enough to believe lies. Free yourself. The attacks will continue but they will continue regardless if you are successful or unsuccessful. So be brave. Trust your instincts.
Anton V. A lot of people in disbelief are often actually victims of abuse themselves, but they’re in denial about it. I’ve given examples of the abuse that I’ve had and I’ve often got the response “yeah, that happened to me, too...but they didn’t mean it.” They usually follow that with the suggestion I should do whatever the narcissist says and there won’t be a problem. Disgusting, but I can only feel sorry for them that they’re so in denial they’re likely never going to escape from it.
This is a great video. However, my experience is slightly difference from yours. Because my parents were both narcissists and caused so much triangulation in our family, I have accepted the fact that these family members are not worth trying to reach out to for support and understanding - I will not waste any more of my precious time trying to get them to "get it." Rather, I am self-partnering with myself and realizing my incredible gifts and talents and putting them to good use. In the meantime, I've moved far away from my narcissistic family and am beginning to experience a joy and peace like I've never experienced before. 'No Contact' was an incredible gift which I gave to myself, and I'm now experiencing the best years of my life without any desire to reach out to friends and family members who don't understand. I now realize that I don't need THEM to understand - I only need ME to.
Sounds good I'd love to move but I love my house and they never visit anyway. All though they can manipulate people to hate you in our home town. Basically everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic when my mother is but she reflected it on to me, my sister smokes pot but everyone ignores that because it's her and not me. My ex is a drug addict and even my daughter ignores that and focuses in on my mistakes when I paid for her whole life worked night and day to support her, my ex just caused trouble and didn't pay one penny to bring our daughter up. Now I have to pretend to like my exs family to impress my daughter when they all physically and mentally abused me.
I only hope that God will show her the ugly truth one day Jason, your daughter needs to take the blinkers off and see what a fabulous father she has got. Pray for her that God will enter her spirit, I prayed for my daughter who was once arrogant, but thru prayer she has become loving and giving...and its great now after a long drawn out period of quarelling with her. Love & blessings to you. 🌟 💛
This is amazing! No, really, I can talk to you for hours about how I was abused by 4 of my narcissistic family members. I can literally write a book! Things for me only changed when I turned my life to Jesus Christ and my life was overtaken by the Holy Spirit. God bless you!
I realize I struggle with this a lot. I've been explaining and explaining to other people and wanting them to understand and sympathize or empathize with me. I used to send my sis and friends articles and even your videos but no one watched and I felt so alone. When the narc dragged me to court In a life or death situation with false charges, even my own family though they were logically supporting me, they put up a boundary and said they couldn't come to court to be there with me. At first I was enraged but then I came across your videos at the right time Mel, and I started working on myself. This was a profound experience and I thought maybe this spiritual battle is not supposed to involve anyone else but me and the narc (my own inner shadow). So it came down to the two of us and he dropped the charges on that day. Thing is, the only person who understands this spiritual struggle is OURSELVES, the inner child- no explaining needed. So that's why we have to go inward and talk
+BhavZ That is so wonderful that you started working on yourself - and you can see in this incidence how "life was working FOR you", for you to come home and self-partner you. How fabulous you had that huge shift within, and then without. x
I also tried doing what you did and my family, although they knew what I was dealing with, they really got sick of the stuff I shared. None of that matters. It doesn't change one single thing for us. It was an awakening for me
My only blessing from almost 40 years of narcissistic abuse is it led me to spiritual enlightenment and becoming aware. Working toward losing my self and reaching enlightenment.
This video is so true. I have experienced this abuse. I lost all my friends any only 1 family member is in contact with me. The anger and frustration is crippling. People that I thought would be a support will not even return phone calls. I have never seen or could even fathom the detail of deception that was used to make me look like I had caused all the issues. From what I have read most of the abuse is from men, not true in this case. Thanks again, I felt like I was loosing it. It feels great just to know someone understands.
this is exactly how i was treated by the ppl who should've supported me... :/ they even thought i might have brought it on myself-- 'self fulfilled prophesy'. it really made me question my own judgment. unless family, i broke off ties w/them.
I wish I could put this into my own words to tell my friends and family that don’t understand, but get mad when they suspect that I’m isolating myself or even worse - they think I’m being selfish and ignoring them... It’s a lose / lose situation.
I feel so unhealty, disgusted, and crippled. I need a way out. I'm married to one and he constantly........ugh. I have no support and I'm n a very dark place. I have to face this alone.....so hard.
It took 8 years of the relationship to finally understand what was happening with me, last summer... I tried begging my family for help but they raised me to be so independent and it kills them to help me. This whole last year I've isolated myself and finally the other day convinced them this is life or death for me mentally. My moms picking me and my dog up on Sunday, now I just work with how I break it to him so I can escape the guilt he puts me through and catches me again. It's been two years since you posted, I hope you've gotten help getting out. I know how hard it feels to take things into your own hands when you've been stripped down so bare.
Just saw your post. Yes, it's extremely hard, likely the most difficult situation you'll ever have to face. I hope you are in a better place, given this was posted many years ago.
So amazing Melanie. I also feel like I have been given a gift. My Narcissist taught me so much about the holes in my heart. I would have never looked closely at them until he put his finger right in them. I packed and left on Feb 26th, and now I have a new little job in a new little town and I am upleveling and healing and thriving. I have been putting your channel on at night, and one night I was startled awake by you telling my story with my name!!! You spoke about "Amy" finding out her naricssist was a married man. You spoke about how this was just not OK and she disconnected! I sat bolt upright in the middle of the night and had a good cry. I have been healing ever since. Thank you so much for the loving work you do. You ministered to me when I was in the dumps. I am going to thrive now. Blessings.
+DukeCityDragonfly Wow Amy isn't it incredible the synchronistic ways life can deliver us as powerful "messages"? I love that! That is wonderful you are healing and clearing out the old to become the new! Kudos to you! xoxo
How wonderful you are, to take the time to respond. I still have sorrow over the whole process, waking up having nobody beside me. This morning your note was there just in time. Synchronisitc! Thank you.
Thank you for that validation. I've gone through the exact same emotional rollercoaster with no one there for me, only to call me crazy. The smear campaigns made things worse. Once I found the others, I saw light. I am still healing and working on myself but have come very far. I always extend my hand to others that clearly are on the same path, yet still in the dark. I hope to be well enough, both physically and mentally, to advocate for others. It seems we all have that in common, we want to help others from our experience. Great video, thank you so much for that, I have passed it on.
I have read so many of your articles and listened to so many of your videos and have been working with the modules and this particular video answered so many of my questions and has opened my eyes to what is happening in my life. Like you, I found myself without a friend in the world that was willing to listen to me or even try to understand. IT's the scariest thing I have ever been through. And my life has not been the easiest before this, many many traumatic things have happened to me whether I caused them or something from outside myself did, nothing can compare to finding yourself completely and utterly alone. To the point that now, even if someone would reach out, I would run fast and far not able to trust anyone with my heart ever again. I've been isolated now for so long it's hard to even imagine what it used to be like when i did have friends and family to support me. I even have a tough time trusting my doctor and at one point I thought maybe I could get some counseling, to have at least one person that would hear me out and try to understand me, but I made several appointments only to cancel them. I was too scared that even they would think I was crazy. I still am afraid like that. I don't know if I could take one more rejection So I stay in this solitary confinement, not having a clue how to end the fear. i've tried going no contact with my narc but I cave in often because even though he is bad for me and I know he is, he is still the only one that I at least can feel like I am human with. even if it's not healthy, he is there. But not always, and in no way is he any support. I've had a hard time even with the modules although, through them I am slowly starting to realize that it isn't a lack in other people, it's a lack in myself and a failing on my own part to find my own happiness through healing the old traumas and I can't even tell you what this video has given me. I know now that it is from within that I can heal, in fact, it is the only way I can become healthy and find the peace I have been so sorely lacking in my life. I think the only thing that has kept me from just ending it all is knowing that there is somewhere inside me a goodness and I have a responsibility to dig it out so maybe at some point I can give back to this world and maybe even help one other person to survive the awfulness I have lived with for so long. And I'm even starting to feel I owe it to myself because I am worthy of feeling joy and happiness and do not deserve any more punishment from anyone ever again. And I know that is only me that is stopping that from happening. I want to know why, I want to know so I can fix it. So again Mel, thank you for all your work and your tireless efforts to understand and help others. You are doing something so valuable and contributing so much to helping our world be a better place. I'm glad you didn't just give up and that's one reason that i can't either. My love to you girl. And to all you others going through this same thing, don't give up, I know that is a chance that we cn move on from this hell we live now to a peaceful life like most normal people take for granted.
Hi Pam, thank you or writing and reaching out. It was wonderful that you did that - and so healing for you to be as authentic as you have been. Pam I would suggest to you targeting exactly what you have named, that terror of rejection and the feelings of being so isolated .. and the fear of connecting. Use either Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module and keep clearing these traumas and life and connection to others will start unfolding for you again. So much love to you Pam too - thank you for your beautiful words. You have got this sweetheart and please consider joining in the NARP Forum - your tribe are in there Pam I promise you. People who understand and are so loving supportive and real www.melanietoniaevans.com/member xoxox
I experienced that the times when everything breaks down, are in 'perfect timing'. When I look back at my life, things always happened when I was ready for it. So in the case of being alone for example, it only happened to me, when I was not only ready to be alone, I also wanted to be alone. I pushed all the people away from me, not because they were 'bad people', but because I felt that the process I have to go through would not be possible if I would have stayed in contact with these people. I am not sure if others experience it in a similar way, but I have the feeling that everything comes at the 'right time'= when we are able to carry a certain burden or to confront certain wounds. Of course sometimes when I got hit by a stroke of fate at first it could seem to be not the right time, but quite soon I found out it was the right timing, because if it would have happened earlier, I most likely couldn't have dealt with it, because certain information or other resources where not there yet. As soon as I was ready for support, the right people showed up or I came across the right information, the right book, the right movie ect.
Yes, this is exactly what has happened to me. I have a daughter who is mean to me covertly, but hides it from everyone else. They all think she is wonderful. I have gone modified to no contact, no one else gets it.
I can’t believe that after all of my life of not being with my extended family and having a crappy upbringing with my narcissistic dad and being homeless with him, and not growing up with my brother they raised, I only lived with them for 3 months and I couldn’t take it anymore. It got really psychologically chaotic. I thought I was a gift to them. Their conditional love really traumatized me and I can’t stop spiraling over it. It’s unbelievable how I felt so special at first but now, I don’t feel valued, loved, or supported. I was expecting to have a new life there with my brother in their multimillion dollar home, but I guess that’s not going to happen… it’s such a let down to me…
I can relate to this so much. It's extremely hard to accept support when you're so used to wanting to help other people with their stuff, as a way to escape focusing on your own pain/problems. It's really important to be able to allow other people to support you, and it's even more important to realize you don't need anyone to save you--you just have to be willing to work through the struggles instead of trying to run away from them.
Wow, I LOVE the positive twist you put on the situation. I am going through a very similar situation where I was left with nothing and everyone had turned on me. The best part of this was that I was free from my abuser and I couldn't be happier. It's so hard starting over but a new foundation can make things new. It will make you stronger and a long self evaluation time is perfect for finding out who you are instead of who you were. I really am glad I found your video, it helped me realize where Iam at and that Iam doing great.
This is why I have piped up about my own experiences with abuse, because I felt like such a burden to my friends and family who didn't live with it and sometimes even felt like they thought I was the crazy one for staying with them/ protecting them before I was ready to leave.
+Jessica Romero I am sorry you are going through this...I can only say be extra kind to yourself while you gather the courage to leave. you are doing the work and sometimes it takes awhile to do this. big big hugs to you!!!! xo
+Jessica Romero you can definitely definitely get through it. and omg it is sooo worth it! I got stability- financial and emotional- joy, happiness,serenity and everything else that makes life worth living. keep going and when you need to cry cry, when you need to sleep, sleep. Good food, lots of rest, exercise a bit if you can. I became my own excellent mother....
Your point of view is so uplifting. I truly admire how you take every negative and change it in to a positive tool for self improvement. I watched one of your episodes this morning and now again and I have completely turned from walking around with very angry feelings and resentment to understanding and forgiveness leading to me breaking away from the nasty cycle. the more I watch your videos, the more I laugh about what I've allowed until very recently and then congratulating myself for cutting the manipulative ties. Thank you for your extraordinary work xxx
What a great episode by Melanie..the talking about the GIFT we discovered we have by ONLY going within Self supporting , self partnering . It's huge . What a long way Melanie had gone , when we use our conscious to heal, people unconsciously coming back to our life .The detached way Melanie is talking about her experience shows that she divorced all the anger , the sticky feelings she used to have as a Narcissistic abused is compelling. I still have long way to go to get to this level of utter emotional detachment . And every day reading and inspiring by Melanie it makes it closer and closer. An amazing extract: "Within our biggest darkness ,within our biggest despair is our greatest emancipation and liberation" Can't be said better
Thank you Melanie. İ have two daughters from narc 1 whom i was married to for 16 years. Fast fwd, i married narc 2 two years after my divorce. My daughter's were young, their father - narc 1, really left me to look after them fully. He was now free. 11 Years after being with narc 2, i eventually divorced him after horrid abuse. My daughter's were now adults. Sad thing is almost all family i turned to, either did not understand or just didn't get it. Like you i by thus had lost everything due to the narc creating havoc and turmoil. My health had deteriorated to near death. Sad thing is, three years into healing, my eldest daughter has completely cut me off, a child whom i always had a fantastic relationship with. İm left baffled because I cannot understand what I've done wrong. I've mulled over it time and time again. My daughter and her dad, narc 1 together with my youngest, have been discussing and planning her wedding without a word to me. Narc 1 told me about her visit to him and his new partner, 6 months ago. İ was shocked. İta devastating. I've tried abd tried to ask my daughter what on earth i did wrong. 🤷🤦
I've been thinking about this video this morning and I believe your model works in a situation wherein one has experienced a narc in a marriage, but has had a childhood that included a loving family. Being raised by two narc parents and having a narc sibling, however, can leave one going through emotional regressions from CPTSD. I definitely agree that having childhood narcs can strengthen one's intellect by creating a situation that requires hyper-vigilance in everyday life; this makes for an awareness that, if channeled properly, can really be a benefit. The CPTSD emotional setbacks are much harder to deal with and need another kind of intellectual reasoning to see through them, e.g., recognizing the age in which the original emotion occurred. Another great video. Thanks!
+Russell Sova truly the healing process is the same with the same results regardless of where the N abuse started. The truth is all of us in N adult relationships are unconsciously set up for it as a result of painful childhoods. Come into my next webinar group and you will meet many people who are fully recovered from all PTSD symptoms who suffered childhood N abuse - as well as learn how to achieve this yourself. www/melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xx
Our belief systems are always giving us the evidence of those beliefs from outer life. Within our greatest despair is our greatest Emancipation and Liberation. That's where our greatest life is. Love you Mel, you gorgeous miraculous creature 😊
I've allowed my self to be vulnerable, I'm commenting on pages I'm reaching out. An as a result, I see there's more here for us than the narcs would lead us to believe
I so agree that with this near suicidal devastation that I when I lost everything and found myself alone far away and isolated I had to go inside. It was awful but very necessary and a huge blessing. Thank you for explaining this so well.
This video was so unbelievably helpful in explaining to my mum how I deeply felt. After going round in circles for months about why I wasn’t getting any better... this video explained everything and opened up so much room for healing for the both of us. My mum stood by my side ever since this video, and has even come to terms with things in her own life and relationship. I am so unbelievably grateful for this journey and for NARP. It has totally transformed my life.
I wish you were my individual therapist. I never can believe what I am going through - with the NPD and with his family and friends AND my family and friends. It's unbelievable how much you nail it. I'm not crazy! I just need to stop appearing that way, and find who I was and am...
+Julia Hess I'd really love you to come into my next webinar group - because there I do get to help you directly. There is so much you can heal and breakthrough on - when you know how to - and i'd love to help you with that. Here is the group ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xx
Melanie,thanks again. For past few months I've been reading your work and watching the videos and really find them so comforting and so accurate.The pain is excrutiating indeed.
+ANHPAM My pleasure, please come into one of my next Free Webinar Groups - I'd love to teach you how to shift beyond and heal from the pain ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xox
Hi Mel. I just want to say thank u for all ur videos. U along with a few who tackle this matter has helped me to survive this issue that I went thru. I couldn't imagine how u got over this without having people like u to talk us thru this. U are a true angel and have saved my life in such a drastic way. Listening to u and the others have helped me understand what I was going thru. It helped me to now see how blessed I was to have to go thru this. Because I went thru this is what helped me changed my life. Otherwise I would just keep continuing to live as a broken person. Going thru this has broken me completely and by that happening I can now rebuild in a new way. Thank u so much for all u have done. Love u!
Hello Mel. I can relate with this and it was a validation, confirmation of just where I am in my process. I spoke with a former colleague today. When I told her everything I let go of, she said I was dismantling my structure. That was a good analogy. I am essentially rewiring my old program of operating. Right now everything is pretty much cleared out. The church was the last to go along with all my connections there. Talk about really being alone! However, today i felt it was right where I was supposed to be. In the places where here things filled, I will fill with myself. This actually is enhancing my relationship with God. Prayer is able to reach places where there was once resistance. As I receive from myself, I am better able to receive from others! Thank you.
+angelsone111 It is very very true when we connect deeper with our ourselves, we connect at much more authentic, true and loving levels with everything - including God. It is beautiful that you are on the journey :) xx
They say family is al you have.... nope not for me ! I am distancing myself myself from them as they dont support me until today. Tehy do not even care if i am suicidal. We are just blood related but not a family ! Family cares and loves unconditionally
I've been secretly watching your videos for a few months and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you, you have helped me immensely. Everything about you shines! Love and light x
I am a high achiever. I am a perfectionist. I was the perfect storm for these people. I had to fall all the way down and lose everything to realize that these people who are my "non-loved ones" had to go, no compromise, if I was to survive.
U have just changed my life . Coming out of 2 years gaslighting job. No one saw I took down everything and no one saw that was half the pain. Also found out I'm a caught of a narc as why I didn't see. I was taught not too see (like colorblind and now see that color is everwhere) I've researched for months. Started after trying the reason to my health problems at 40 so it was due to Prolonged stress and the answer was to reduce stress and I thought of the most stressful things are in putting in details of that and that's when gaslight came out but now I'm fired(last week) finally I'm in the process of healing and thank you for this
Thank you, you're talking into my life. Everything you said is what happened to me as well. The commonality of NPD is astonishing. I'm at the beginning stages of going inward and I see how this was a gift from the universe.
You guys...as hard as this is to here...isolation is the only true way to heal. While I was in my healing process friends still wanted to hang out (even though i didn’t want to) and I would bring up my process and they just wouldn’t get it. BC you don’t understand unless you are a victim of narcissistic abuse. The comments they make would piss me off more. No one understands but fellow narc abuse victims which is very difficult to find in real world friendships. So I distanced myself in order to heal. I couldn’t take anymore invalidation from people who don’t get the magnitude of the healing process this comes with. We seek validation as second nature bc that’s how we’ve been groomed by our narc. But it’s unhealthy af and your friends don’t understand and never will. Stay to yourself during your healing process. Validate and understand your experience for what it is. I thought I was in a better place and could start hanging out with ppl again but quickly realized I wasn’t ready yet. My friend sent me this article “10 ways to deal with the ups and downs of life” and It told me not only does she not get it but adding on to why I feel so alone. Narc healing is something in its own category and silly articles about “basic depression” does not apply to what we’re healing from or going through. No matter how well her intentions are, they hurt more than help the narc victim. So I went back into isolation. This is only way to get better and develop the relationship we need to have with ourselves in order to properly heal.
Truly in the same boat. I’m in a process of moving to another state because I quickly realized that the friendship I thought I had were not friendships. Not only was I invalidated they put me down when they knew I was vulnerable. How is everything for you now?
yes too many people dwell on their past and do not move on! I think there is a healthy way to learn form our past and still be happy at some point! I think many people are afraid to do the hard work it takes to be free from their past because they do not want to be disappointed! but staying miserable is even worse so it worth it to do the hard work! it helps a lot when people overcome their expreiences and share what they have learned so others can also overcome and be happier!
I totally get this Mel. Thank you. When I finally up-leveled, my three closest friends stayed by me, but lots of people just disappeared and that was alright with me because I gained the clarity that either they weren't truly there for me from the get go or they were weak, so I feel ok with it all. There are more people out there in the world if I feel the need to make friends and through Quanta healing, I learned how to be my own best friend, so I am essentially good. Lots of love, Helen xxxo
I am so sorry you had to go through this abuse. Thank you for the video. I'm a year out and I agree with your pain. It took me ten months just to get my head around what had happened. To come to terms with what was under the "mask" of this person. And, there is NO support! Looking back, it was a "good" year with no contact. The best gift I ever received was no contact! No way, I'd go back! One does not forget that pain! And anger is a good thing for me as it keeps the distance between us. Thank you!
Thank you so so much for this. This is exactly what I needed now. I was feeling so alone and that led to anger/sadness. Which in part was an improvement because before I used to always downplay things and not address it. But this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
my mother has been abusing me & when i stand up for myself she tells other relatives that im crazy & i am isolated & my will to live has been shattered but i am trying to get out without me ending up on the streets
Hi BMD, My heart goes out to you. I know how difficult and confusing it can be when a parent does this. Here are some resources to help: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-heal-the-wounds-from-narcissistic-mothers/ and blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-do-we-decide-to-heal/ You can sign up for my free resources that will take you step by step through this relationship dynamic (applies to the many types of relationships we have) what is happening and why and you will know what to do next. You can access these here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm Love and blessings xoxox
There is only ONE place to go. Drop outside, and other. Focus on inner and Self. When you go with out, you are without. When you go within, you are with, IN. Powerful message. I am so grateful for the universe for answering my deep questioning and bringing me to find you, Melanie. In just a few months, I have made massive stride toward wholeness. Whenever I find myself in the crazy mind, I just bring it to the modules, and find infinite peace. I am making it! I am THRIVING. Thanks to Higher Power Within, which holds ALL the answers. Love and Light, Scott
I’m totally alone. No one, except one frenemy who is dealing with his mess. I have to work hard just to talk to him. My ex narcissist triangulates him every time. My family members are gone. No one supporting me truly. I’m alone. How can my story be so similar to your experience? How is this possible. My job is in jeopardy because my marriage collapsing. Everything is in disarray completely. I was so use to being responsible and figuring out a way forward. Now everything is totally upside down. I’m so uncertain about my future. Its a year now. Totally alone. I understand what you are saying, but it excruciatingly difficult. I’m taking one day at a time and rebuilding. I’m lonely at this time, but am recovering. I’m awake now. It still sucks. My family will not go through the journey to heal with me. I realize that I have to do this alone and just partner with my self and self loving myself. Letting them do their thing and reestablishing my life for myself. This is not easy at all. There is a lot for me to do. I feel like I am in a boxing ring with Tyson while my hands are tied behind my back and my legs are tied together. I’m going to support myself from now on and just leave everyone else alone. Everyone is refusing to look at any material I share. This is so surreal. My family has been re-traumatizing me any way. So I have to let all the toxic people go and become my compete and whole self from here on. This is just crazy. Thanks for sharing. You have been very helpful. I’m trying day to day whole still being isolated by everyone I have known for years. Its amazing how the narcissist can influence so many, so effectively. Thanks. Yellow Bird
Thank you for this video, Melanie. I've been dealing with this since I was 6 years old. My mother, God rest her soul, was one of these people. It wasn't until a friend of 41 years mirrored my mother and I pulled the plug that I found out what it's been all these years. I'm 62.i wake up to find I feel surrounded by these people. My long term friends, whether flying monkeys or showing traits. I know my part in these two 40 ur beat friendships. And they know whenever been and the emotional/addictuon struggles I've been through. They know my mother. And yet when I tried to put it to one beat friend yesterday as... I don't want you to focus on the person I pulled plug on who is in inner circle or the other 3 in my life. I don't want you to not like them. I'm not trashing them but it happened. What I would like to know is that it's a healing, bittersweet ,healing awakening of where and why and inner child healing. She said... I don't want to talk about narcissism. I want to be happy. You're living in the past. You need therapy. I told her I'm getting now extensensly ever day. I've sent videos that you don't comment on. She said... Not just on line, Linda. I was taken aback. I've always liked inside for my part. I've done it since I was 6.im very alone in this. I have my little dog and a higher power...and myself. Thank you.
We (as a society) need to stop raising our boys to think it's OK to be disrespectful to women (whether it be their own mother, sisters, or love interests). I realize not all narcissists are men, but I would suspect the percentage is much higher. I think a lot can be done in the home as children (there is some evidence to suggest it is "just how they are wired", but the environment we raise children in can have a profound difference in their lives to help them live healthy lives even with "different wiring"). It saddens me how many people in the world are so damaged in great part due to their original home environment. The narcissists in my life, which are my in-laws, were raised in a very dysfunctional way for at least 2 generations. I know they are "doing the best they can with what they have"....but they have caused traumatic harm to myself, my husband, and my children. As a result, I am very protective of my children around these narcs, and my husband and I move heaven and earth to try to give our children an environment rich in love, respect, and lots of active communication about healthy ways to associate with other people.
I know this was a year ago but you must realize our society also represses men's feelings, they get zero support and can even be made fun of is they are being bullied by a woman so they prefer to suffer in silence, which leads to the anger, violence and emotional disorders. Women are taught to seek for help, everyone will help. A man might be helped as well but he will be judged for it and that is very sad. We have to teach all children, give them a proper emotional education whether they are the victim or the abuser..
there is no difference in number of narcissists, but the methods are different. So women like to use and abuse flying monkeys! Filipa Seabra is right : Most of the young boys or men suffer in silence and the result is that nobody will never ever know about what happened ! The method of my mother was that she mixed bullying into the raise and education and claimed that the disobedient boy (me) is impossible to handle ! Something in me believed it ! Nowadays, nearly everything in me is healed and i visit my parents regularly and i did'nt behave like a narcissist with my children ! Only a few persons have seen behind my mother's mask, and, like it's the case with other narc mothers, at her funerals some people will say that she was a good mother ! And i will say yes !
Thank you so much, Melanie. This was exactly what I needed to hear this week, as my lack of support in my daily life has really been recently difficult. We are the miracle. I'm going to work on just letting people come to me rather than running after them wishing they'd understand. :-) Little Me is always there to hang out with.
Thank you for sharing this video. I'm really struggling to know what to say to people about the narcisstic abuse I experienced. I tend to avoid sharing it now as someone not getting it makes me feel even more lonely. Thanks for talking about self partnering....this makes so much sense....go inside rather than look for it outside.
I completely understand all of this information, but I made the mistake of accepting my Narcissistic mother's invitation to move back to her home 2 years ago. I had been living on my own for 6 years and now had a baby. I had forgotten how bad it was to be in the house. I didn't even know what narcissistic abuse was. I have since learned about it and kniw that my brothers have bullied me too because of the "triangulation". 2 months after I had move in I regretted my decision. I've held on to sanity for these 2 years because of my toddler, and lack of finances to move...I'm ready now to move on and do no contact, but how can I get help to get out? I remember the peace and inner growth and health I achieved when I lived away. I remember just being independent and happy for the first time.
Thanq so much for all the words I cannot put all together myself. It really comes from all the hearts of us survivors. Can't really thanq enough. -love n heal-
+NeNe Fall please google my name and narcissism and children .. I have done many articles and series on this topic ... And please come into my next Free Webinar to help to heal from this agony - and grant the best possible chance for resolution for you and your children ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar .. After researching my material you will understand how and why that can be possible. xoxo
I am currently experiencing the same thing except I am the mother of the codependent son who is with a narcissistic woman. They moved to my home town and despite the fact that my son had a very well paying job prior to moving here, they were broke and needed help. The narcissistic girlfriend has never held a job and my son spent everything on her. Now I am the one who is supposed to finance their lifestyle. I have helped them financially but I have finally said "no" to giving them more money. As a result, my son has become verbally aggressive, cruel and totally disrespectful. My friends also don't believe me when I share what I have learned about his girlfriend and I also have become isolated and severely depressed. She has everyone fooled and I don't know how no one can see it.
I really like you Melanie. I have listened to most of your stuff and I was doing it daily for a while sometimes a few times a day but now I notice I like to listen to you on days where I'm a little anxiety ridden or maybe I've had some triggers so I just want to thank you for doing what you do because it is helping me a lot. it helps me put what I'm feeling into words that I can understand process and deal with in a more conscious way. I told my husband the other day it's almost like I'm experiencing things for the first time because I have a whole new attitude. I think that's what you mean by thriving! have a fabulous week 😊
I just realized i have no where to really go and no one understands and im alone and idk what to do when i read this title the 5th time because really no one can help me
My wife is going through this. No one can see it and the truth now. Soon it all comes together. You go through storms before the great light shines on these woman, even some men. Women already go through enough. I'm so sorry for what men do to you ladies. Yes, I know men as well, for those who hate women, you will be ones who react simply because I chose to praise women at this moment. It's not all men, in my research a large percentage are men who do this abuse. The only way to healing these things is to admit we men have too much pride, to many insecurities and feel we need to prove manhood. Men tease me for telling the truth, saying I'm not a man because I can see through it and claim it. Yes, I'm married and still can love woman in general, just for being women. I was raised to protect them, not hurt them for any reason. I'm just an old fashion thinker with modern knowledge and way of thinking. For the most part, I dislike for woman or children to be abused in any way. No one, due to any reason should abuse. We men are stronger than this and should look deeper within, Women just want to love. We with our issues scapegoat women for many reasons. We men screw women up sometimes and blame them. I commend all strong women who stand up for themselves, even after you're abused you tried to fix heal and understand men, and we still choose to abuse, confuse, manipulate. Do we men think we are getting any place by hurting women. What's going on inside us begins to show outside, as if no one can see it. All woman aren't slow. Know when to say no ladies. It's ok to do so. I have no shame in saying I have always been a manly man but feel no need to prove this. I think people who do this abuse are cowards. I mean really, the gaslighting thing, if you're doing this and trying to hurt someone wouldn't you want them to know you're doing it? I'm confused with that alone. Gaslighting requires you to hide what you do. I am connected to who I am, partly because I love my mother, sisters and females in my family. My wife brought out in me things I needed to heal in order to remain balanced. So sorry ladies and few men who go through any abuse. My wife had narcissistic parents and today people around her who abuse this way. I am amazed at her strength and will support her as much as I can. I have learned to be a better man with no fears in understanding women. We should not control anyone, its a choice to stay or go. Who forces people to love you? I don't want forced love or attention. To me that's mind rape. I want my ladies to want me, love me on their own. That's the kind of pride I have, I guess. Looking for a persons happiness first means you love them, even if it means to let them go. We either need to make changes on how we approach women or ourselves. It's cowardly to put our own issues on women. We need them in the end. I love the ladies in my life, no matter what they say or do I understand you, this life is just life. It comes with so much to deal with. I do not judge, all has reason. I'm not afraid to say we put women through a lot. If a woman does what men do, we tease them but feel its wrong. When we do certain things its ok or covered by us as well. I believe in fair life for all people, gender, race and status. Women become rough around the edges because we make them that way then want to control that as well. We tend to alter people by making them untrusting, then we complain. To me we men are worst at times, its a wonder why many say women wine a lot, look at what we do. By nature women naturally have more of something that make them talk more, understand more at a deeper level. That's why I love women, I learn a lot without being manipulated, used or feeling less of a man. I love my girls, my wife and daughters. Alone I'm ok, but with them I'm a balanced man. I understand it, but don't connect with this kind of thing. I have to much pride to do this. That's healthy pride to me. I will be the one to say, SORRY LADIES
Melanie, I did your program years ago, it was profound and life changing. I brought up narcissistic abuse once to my brother many years ago and wasn’t believed because the x smeared me. I have done years of work and my life and so much better. I have a small trauma informed yoga business and I help so many people. I just can’t get passed that my sister in law believes him and hangs out w/ him from time to time. It has broken my heart because I love my brother dearly along w/ my niece and nephew and yet they are cordial but distant. What is the next step to rid of this pain? Keep going inside? I pray every day that my brother and I get closer. We were soooooo close and this divorce has made him distant. I want to stay hopeful and strong. Thank you for your advice
I am extremely sad that I lost a friend from my church who in the beginning believed that I was telling the truth that my husband was mentally abusive and was a covert narcissistic. But once he witnessed that my husband was working very hard to remodel the house, and he started thinking that my husband was a loving and dedicated husband and father and my dear friend all of a sudden started looking at my husband as a victim of my accusations and as if I was the one who was ungrateful wife who did not deserve such an exemplary guy. My husband is desperate for impressing people and he needs to create and ideal image of himself and he does it very very well, people in the neighborhood and community get very impressed by him I am extremely hurt that my Christian brother, who got very impressed by my husband does not want to have anything to do with me, even talk to me, as he wanted to side with my husband without actually talking to my husband (as he texted me telling me and told me how nice my husband was and how not nice I was) . I realized that he lost trust in me and thought that I was a manipulative person doing some smear campaign against a nice innocent family loving and hard-worker guy. I realized that nothing I can do to help him see the truth. I am crying often that my very dear Christian brother from my church might never find out how covertly and how successfully the narcissists are capable to impress people and isolate their victims by making people who trusted victims before nose trust in victims and no longer see them as victims, but see them as victimizers. Please give me hope that that the damage that is done can some day be undone and if it is even possible , what options do I have even left. I am excellently sad that my reputation and moral appropriateness in the eyes of my friend who is a very strict christian is ruined, also because I have been giving him food every Sunday as if helped me forget my own stress and I was getting so much needed validation. Please, advise. This guy means so much to me that I have a hard time coping losing him due a narcissist's skillfulness of impressing neighbors and everyone else they meet.
Hi Eter, I'm so happy to help with this. This is an issue I see repeated over and over again in the recovery community experience. Spouses of narcissists are so desperate to be validated by loved ones and friends that they can seem like the person who is creating the problem. When someone is with a narcissist, the narcissist actually anticipates this ... they start right at the very beginning of your relationship to destabilise your friendships, to malign your credibility. They want you to try to convince others. They want you to point the finger at them because then you confirm what they've already said. Some in our community have been so insistent on being validated as a victim of a narcissist that they have damaged themselves in court, they have lost family and friends, all of their credibility, sometimes their jobs and even custody of their children. It's absolutely heartbreaking to experience this but the reality is, you don't need anyone else to know, YOU know, and it's up to you to act in your own behalf regardless of what other people think or do. No matter who they are to you. You can't control or change anyone else. You can only control and change yourself. And when you know this you stop wasting your effort and resources on convincing other people. You let them have their own experience and you move forward in yours. Here are some resources to help: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-your-friends-and-family-dont-support-you/ blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-your-friends-and-family-dont-support-you/ and blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-make-the-narcissist-powerless-to-affect-your-life/ These will help you to know how to detach and what to do next. Love and blessings dear lady xoxox
I'm just like you used to be Melanie. What you are saying is exactly what I feel everyday of my life. You are describing myself to a T. When I tell my friends what I go through, They just say " I don't perceive that--I think you are just making it all up." Talk about adding insult to injury! I'm going to join your NARP program, but I have to make payments on something for the next 3 months before I do. At this point, I don't know how to "self-partner" with myself. I've tried to do this before, but seem to be unable to do so. Some times I get so full of anger and pain that I have trouble functioning, with no one to support or believe me.
+Chris Odium truly breaking through into the self-partnering does change everything for us. I'd love you also, as well as NARP, to come into the next webinar group - because we workshop a lot in regard to self-partnering - it will really help you! www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xx
#1 “scapegoats” are common in everyday life & in all scenarios... not an appropriate term for those VICTIMIZED by NARC abuse as that completely the term scapegoat minimizes the entire, complicated, baffling, traumatizing relationship one gets sucked into by a true narcissist. #2 You might wanna at least explain what you mean by NARP as I thought it was a typo for narc and it’s not explained in the video or the summary at all so that part of your comment left me scratching my head…
You are welcome!! We are able to accept the truth when our Soul is ready, not a minute before. We find our pathway and begin the journey, leading us to our answers which are always within. So many people in my Narp community have had to suffer through this, and have come over to the other side of this pain to complete resolve, freedom and are now thriving in Thriver land! It's gorgeous to witness their evolution!! Love and blessings to you. xoxox
in my case we were a long long way from understanding the groundwork would have to start with trust and believing and they don't believe me so basically they're accusing me of being a liar and making things up we never got anywhere near understanding
My narcissistic ex husband who has abused me for seven years and caused so much trauma and pain, emotionally spiritually, mentally physically, sexually in every way continues to remain friends on Facebook with my family members and send flowers to my mother, etc. and it feels like such a betrayal with my family who knows 100% about the abuse. I am not in contact with my ex I just don’t understand my family and how they continue to stay connected in some way even though small makes me feel betrayed by the ones I live the most!
Most Narcissists are monsters disguised as nice guys. They don’t care if they end you and in fact try to repeatedly take you down just to win a point and feel better about thier cruel abusive shameless selves 😭💔 pure evil
I literally JUST figured out what the hell I've been going through..... I've really thought it was me..... til I watched him literally choke ME OUT then call MY FAMILY telling them I had gone psycho!! My 16 yo daughter saw it... he didn't know she was home.... he's turned everyone away from me, holds ALL the finances.... But I left 45mins ago with my daughter & 1 of 2 puppies (he kept the one I truly love and truly loved me back.... because we love ea other, he never wanted her before)..... We're homeless, penniless, no help, nobody....... I'm overwhelmed with sadness and depression, the closer we got to having our stuff packed the worse the heaviness got on my chest and Pitt of my stomach. I have nowhere to turn for help.... What do I do?? We don't have shelters anywhere near me...... I have NO friends anymore.... he laughed and said that I would starve to death when I left or lose my daughter.... WHAT DO I DO??
Robyn Howard How are you doing now? Did you go back to him? I've been through the exact same thing. If you need someone who understands what you're going through you can email me: aveleedeleon@gmail.com
Robyn Howard Call the Centrelink line on 136150 and they will put you through to help and fix payments of support for you and your kids. They are very helpful They'll offer you a hotel to stay at if there are no shelters, well basically it's up to you to say you prefer a hotel room. Just call them and explain the abuse. All the best
Dr George Simon's book "In Sheeps Clothing" brilliantly describes these people. "People of The Lie" by Scott Peck is another insightful book demonstrating what these people do.
I can't believe how lucky I am to have found this. I've been on the verge of suicide bc of the horrible ppl my family are. They enjoyed making me the scapegoat, the black sheep. Now I know why! Because they could and I allowed them. No more!
Amen! 4 minutes into video. Exact reality i experienced. 11 mins in exact same experience down to sons with abusers. Uggh. Sooo a GIFT AND PERFECT THAT WE SUFFERED ALONE WITHOUT SUPPORT AND BEING RIDICULED AND DISMISSED....YEP OK at that part.....now in video trying to glean something hopeful....thank God you understand. Ok...you totally lost me with you suddenly somehow (?) became yer own best friend....then ppl who were dismissive jerks with zero empathy for your life flooded back to you and YOU NOT RESPOND BY SAYING GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE DUDES BECAUSE YOU WERENT HERE for me through the darkness but now you wanna bask in the light of my joy? Nope....totally lost me....perhaps i am more surrounded by narcs than you plus now i feel like crap and that i am to blame for not finding the pill you took to magically be your own best friend and heal grief. Thx....guess its in the paid for quantum tool thingy...yer life experience. Sure heal and dont let demon portal jerks affect you tgen happy joy. Gotcha.
