Narcissistic Parents: Why they Hate The EMPATH 

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They call us too sensitive but have a mental breakdown when we don’t vacuum the carpet the “right” way.

This is the “we appreciate you Jerry” button❤, wishing you a wonderful day. “You are valued to us all”

Guilt and shame. Be careful if you are forced to feel either one. This is what manipulation is built upon.

They are hippocrits, they call me "too sensitive" when they are abusive, but if it is their feelings, then it is validated. (Even if it is drama).

The hypocrisy of putting their own feelings on a pedestal while devaluing and mocking mine... my parents were sick monsters...

No contact is the best way to handle narcs.

"Youre too sensitive " I've heard this many times growing up, from my relatives.

"They hate and need you."😂

My therapist emphasized, and emphasized, and emphasized self care to the point that it's an attitude for me now.

Yes my family practices shaming as a punishment or attempt at enforcing conformity. Mocking and ridicule as "teasing" and "humor". Disdain, scorn, ostracizing, etc. Exclusion, ignoring, etc. So very toxic.

The truth is terrifying to a narcissist. A so called empath's knee jerk response is to tell the truth.

Narcissists think feelings are a form of weakness. Except for their own feelings, which must never be ruffled, but which of course are easily ruffled, and we must all hasten to soothe those ruffled feelings.

When I was 15 years old and she was 40. We fought like cats and dogs! I hated growing up with her. I was an adopted child . I was her maid for the most of the time. I hated her, saying, "I'd be shamed if I were you. All the time. She said it was to my son, who was 3yrs old. I blew a gasgit. I said, "HE HAS NOTHING TO BE A SHAMED ABOUT."

No matter how they treated you, you have integrity and a pure heart and they have no soul. We live in an incredibly narcissitic, horrendous world but we are the winners because our hearts will always be pure. Head up, you're a hidden hero! 💛

They laugh when someone falls or drops something, especially children. So you become the comic and learn to laugh at yourself and smile even if you're hurt.

It's okay to walk away quietly 👣🆓☮️🕊️✌️

I finally set a very firm boundary on my 16th birthday. The woman who gave birth to me (I can’t call her mother) had got me in a corner and started repeatedly slapping my face. I had put up with the abuse, the strappings with a horse strap, the beatings, for 16 years and something just snapped in me. With very little thought, I slapped her back! The abuse ended that day and my only regret was not doing it when I was 14. I was the same size as her by then, and could’ve easily taken her on. And her, after this? She had a “nervous breakdown” and threw it up in my face until I finally went no contact last year. Best thing I ever did. Dr Jerry, you’re the best and I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you 💜

Being out numbered in a family can lead to many discounts for the empath, especially if their observations are uncomfortable for other family members, not just parents. It can create considerable self doubt for the empath and lead to serious inner conflicts for an empath child.

Thank you. I am 75 but still coming to grips with all this. ❤

This is so deep and uncomfortable and devastating. Thank you for this. I let my family destroy me. I did not understand what was going on for too long.

These atrocious types of parents really do expect us to just smile no matter how badly it hurts, simply dreadful.

I dumped everyone. I made my own family. I am the Matriarch. New beginnings. Nobody needs to be judged or put down by jealous narcs just because you speak the truth. Have a great day. Thanks so much ❤❤

They don't want to reciprocate. Exactly!

I was always an empath. When I was little watching "Casper the Friendly Ghost"; when everyone ran from him scared, I cried and said, I'll be your friend!!!

Watch these people closely. Get firm in your humanity and then look at them hard. When they’re going through something, it’s the realest thing happening and everything else has to stop for them. If someone else is having trouble or big feelings, to these soul vampires it’s all just stupid drama.

My dad wanted me to have empathy just not for myself.

I finally became free when they died. Until then, they abused me. Mostly with guilt and shame.

Calling in the little abused puppy , reassuring and convincingly pleading for her to trust just one more time, give the praise and reward until you roll over and they get in reach of your soft under-belly and they then kick you. And then their satisfied smirk 😏 cracks their face.

Empaths exposes them and say truth that why

Narcissist inlaws especially hate empath daughter inlaws but rely on empath daughter in law to maintain a relationship with their also narc or just disinterested son.

My narcissistic sadistic mother with zero empathy always hated my dad and me. Unfortunately also my brother is a terrible evil narcissist sadistic with zero empathy. My dad was a empath and I am a empath. My mother and my brother always hated my dad and me, stole from us, abused us mentally physically and financially.

My father always hated me. I was always independent, intelligent & would question all of his abuse & stand up to him. I missed out on a father / daughter relationship. My mother was my hero. We were very alike.

Someone once said that codependency is needing to be needed. We’re all needed in some capacity but if we need to be needed then we are codependent.

"I don't need you to be okay"- Yes! This is what I see and am growing into.

Such a relief when I buried mine 5 months ago at 97. I managed my relationship with her so much better in the last few years of her life but her passing lifted such a weight off me. I followed it up by blocking a flying monkey sibling who is slso probably a narc and told her all estate matters are to go through my lawyer. Im 69 and finally figured it all out.

Best lesson to learn as an empath is wisdom and God can give you that. When you start feeling a lot pause and start thinking more. Think through and above how you feel. A narcissistic depends on your feeling and expressing. Learn how to pause that for true clarity.

I know that my empathy is so heightened as an adult from having to anticipate the everchanging moods of people in the household as a child. Then they mocked the thing they'd created for being who I was. Can't win and shouldn't try except to get out of there. ❤

I was a child, watching a movie in which young Shirley Temple was taken away from her beloved grandfather by a cruel relative. Tears were rolling down my face, bc I found the movie to be sad, and my stepmom started to make fun of me for crying. I was pretty young but I remember thinking "you old bat, you have no feelings." The stepmom laughs at anything like empathy as being "sentimental." She and I really dont understand one another at all. Thx Dr. Wise ❤

Well, they sure know how to feel hate. Envy. jealousy.

Jerry you have helped me so much to understand the horrible toxicity of my family of origin. At the age of 65 I am still in the early stages of self care and trying to love myself.

They simply like manipulating more empathetic individuals, while at the same time despising them. But they also need them. Dump your narc without a backward glance. It'll cut deep.

How does someone become an unfeeling person??? I know what you say in the video is correct, but it escapes my imagination how someone is unable to feel. Growing up I was constantly told I was too sensitive. The whole time they were just insensitive. Mind blowing.

I could never understand why my mother kept me around because she didn't like me. She was envyish of me, but now I get it. She wanted "How I can talk to people with ease and I could express my emotions in a healthy way. I'm convinced that she wanted to be me. Thank you Jerry for this enlightenment.

You are Absolutely correct they cannot stand Empathetic people am a true witness

I learned to supress my emotions early in life. By 11, I had high blood pressure and ulcers. At 13, my ulcers bled. I had a wonderful family doctor who told my parents to get their crap together before they killed me or he had me removed. He gave me a book on self-hypnosis that probably saved my life. My mother hated that I learned my emotions were mine and hers belonged to her. I learned to walk away, either physically or mentally. However, I was in my late 40s / early 50s when I realized what my mother was. I started sharing it with my older sister, and we went on the "discovery" journey of "mom's a narcissist" together. It was a blessing to confirm it with someone who lived it.

You don’t get to have my insides!!! WOW. I needed that! Helps me, empowers me to not over love, not feel like I am responsible for fixing others feelings.!!

Yet they cry and rage. They just don't want you to admit your hurting.

Cycle of conflict. Yes! In summation: When I saw that she hadn't changed, I distanced myself because I refused to have a repeat of my first 20 years with her. I won't do it- mother or not.

We over love them. Yes! I did that in a romantic relationship and was cut right down the middle, and, of course, the narcissist excused, minimized, deflected, and etc.

I WAS the family "hero" until I started putting up boundaries. Jerry described my mother, ex-husband and son perfectly. I went no contact four years ago and am still struggling to break free of them. Thank you Jerry for validating our experience.

You might cover this in this video but I want to say this before I forget.. My experience has been that they hate everyone but an empath feels everything.. I need to realize that being an empath is a spiritual gift and I need to learn how to use it.. Rather than people-pleasing I need to people-avoid.. I would say that if we focus on others then we are giving away our power..

So appreciate this. I’m 62 years old and just started figuring out the messed up life I have had. Finally at peace with my no contact decision with my dad. Sad but necessary

Differentiating feelings. Yes! What has helped to do that is my rule #3: "Carry not what is not yours to carry." Sometimes I have to remind myself but it helps.

My narc mother tells my daughter I 'keep a list of all the things she has done' and I corrected her that I have documented proof of her pattern of behavior. My medical file from the 1970's documents that she neglect my treatment plan for 3 years resulting in spinal fusion at 11 years old! She is 80 now and still cannot accept that her choices did this to me. She used to threaten to jump of a bridge just to manipulate me to not tell anyone what really happened.

Any healthy person has empathy, some are just closed down to it.

The distinction between systems feelings and my feelings is very helpful, thank you.

The N mom knew I had gone through a painful break up years ago. She literally forced me to watch a movie with her called “The Notebook.” 2 days after my break up and I was feeling all devastated. She just could not understand how watching that would magnify the pain I was feeling. That felt super disturbing and creepy to me. That was years before I figured out what she is.

I feel scared and angry at the same time.

With Mothers Day coming up, I DREAD buying a card. Nonr of yhem are plain enough. I just send the obligated "gift". She lives a few streets away from me, I see her maybe every 6 months. Took me abt 8 yrs to get rid of the guilt abt distancing myself. As a kid I convinced myself, I had a real mom somewhere else. Proud to say I broke the cycle w my children.

“They don’t get to have your insides.” Wow. Thank you. I never saw it has entitlement, but you’re completely right. My family believes I should feel a certain way, whether it’s guilt or upset, shame, or whatever. And they never ever ever ever stop until they think they can perceive that I feel that way. Also,I thought my only self-worth was in my ability to sense and relieve their upset. I still think that in lots of ways. This is so illuminating.

My mother would always drag me into her self-created chaos and get me worked up. As soon as she got me upset enough to aleviate her repressed or unexpressed emotion she would cut the conversation short and go behind my back and make me the irrational one, often going as far as apologizing for my reaction to whoever she was upset with. I finally cut ties six months ago. I'm 62 and have forty years of my whole lifetime left. They are mine and I'm not sacrificing another single day of it waiting for her to die.

This empath learned early that the ability to lack emotion is a weakness My emotions might reveal me but simply being revealed is not revealing a vulnerability to the honest but galvanized empath

Jerry, you are a gift! Thank you for this video. This video is especially important to me right now. I'm experiencing family difficulties right now with a father in the hospital, a step mother that hates me, and siblings behaving badly. I'm standing back and just watching the silliness 😂

It is quite simple really...they are dark, you are light and you are iron and they the crucible ...you chose your path and your mission is to become forged Steel!!!

I find it daunting that we have to change our whole way of thinking and feeling in order to just be okay. I was just realizing that before the internet if I had figured out any of these abusive dynamics on my own and tried to share them with others, I would have been called crazy, and people would think I need therapy to help reorganize my disordered thinking. Everyone would say I was paranoid as well. To go from that world I was living in to this one feels like I've slipped into an alternate hellish dimension because before, none of this existed, and now it's in my face every day.

Your work deserves a high award, your vital insights into the deadly dynamics of dysfunctional families where parents murderously neglect and mistreat their children is indispensable to those who want to recover and heal from that, even the Bible does not provide this detailed and objective life-saving knowledge.

I've been fighting feeling guilty since this weekend, it was the first year I didn't send my dad a birthday card or gift. Maybe I'm really grieving more than anything, I don't have a dad anymore since he disowned me and wrote me out of his will, I just don't know him anymore. After his angry, hateful letter accusing me of things that never happened, I realized that my family has been walking on eggshells my whole life. Now that my mom is gone, I've had a target on my back- and I'm done!

I was always accused of being too sensitive but then on the other hand accused of not loving my mother. I’m very low contact now. She’s absolutely insane and just getting worse as she ages and loses control

I am the Empath/intuitive/precognative Meyers-Briggs INFJ in my family, and they have been terrified/resentful/suspicious of me my entire life. They mistakenly thought of me as being "weak" when, in fact, I am stronger than all of them put together. I walked away from them over thirty years ago, and I don't regret it for one minute.

Both my parents are narcissists. I was although given all materialistic ''love" I was always told what kind of an ungrateful monster I was who made her parents miserable. When I confronted them in my adult life my mother said... It's because you never listened to us. I was a straight A student, never cheated in school, never smoked, drank, never went to a club, stayed virgin till marriage at 28. I was someone they always wanted to bully and control. A punching bag, a stress buster to be yelled at. To be blamed for all their problems. I was never good enough. My father said . Sorry i made you feel that way.. but I'm 60 and i can't change. I'm low contact now working on my mental health. Considering going NC some day in the future if needed.

My charismatic ex husband and our two children are narcissist……I know now I am the empath and that is why they act as if they hate me…..My three grandchildren are empaths, I am there for them…..It is a shocking painful mess….Thank you for your videos….💕

I'm still learning to check with me. All this at the age of 76. Thank you Jerry.

Your Channel is such a gift - to know I’m not alone! Thank-you!

This "borderland" area of narcissistic abuse is rarely discussed it seems to me. I say "borderland" because it borders the issue of spiritual or energetic possession - neither of which are comfortable ideas in the modern paradigm. I've forwarded this video to a dear friend already and subscribed. I appreciate it.

My narcissistic father demands sympathy and empathy yet he has nothing but contempt for me

Yes. Being mimicked was the most surprising thing about my narc mom

hi jerry, as a strong empath that I was for most of my life, I did have a hard time with a narc. mother. I recall when I was about 20, and I had a young man break up with me. I was very broken up and grieving and I remember my mother coming into my room and telling me that the problem with me was that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I remember looking at her in horror, as I was deeply grieved by the loss of this guy. She could of said so many other things to me, but she decided to tell me essentially that I was a loser and it was of my fault. I've had so many other unhappy stories like this. I do remember after that hurtful time, telling myself ( my way to cope and carry on), that I was no longer going to tell her anything about me personally ever again. Sadly, I've had to operate this way my entire adult life, but it was the only way I could save myself emotionally. Thank you for all of these important videos. You are truly an outstanding man, and I respect you a lot because you have told us that you, yourself, had this inflicted on you, which makes you so so credible to me, Jerry. God Bless you, each and every day! Eileen

At first they know something is wrong. Then, after many years of disappointment, they know there’s nothing there.

I had to say "I don't stnpathize with you anymore. No guilt of obligation. You are self destructive, indulgent, and entitled. Guilt doesn't work anymore." The wide eyed expression said it all. He then countered with a false version of things while smiling that smug smile. Which actually terrified me. It reminds me of how hard it is for an honest person to defeat a liar.

I had to explain why my dad was upset with my mom to her because she had no empathy. A kid educating a parent... SMH. After I explain it to her, she would put me down, because she hated being in the one down position of not understanding. No gratitude. Just use you and abuse you.

And what you said about us being guided by our feelings due to the environment was dead on.

It's a sink or swim situation, hurt yourself and you're called stupid, ultimate trick = in agony + walking on eggshells and don't drip blood they're sure to find it!

Thank-you, so much! I subscribed! You are describing me in a whole family of Narcs, starting with my parents, and spreading onto my 3 siblings including evil twin who more than screwed me out of my inheritance but colluded in trying to rob me of properties I acquired thru the goodness of my heart. My biggest mistake was trusting those I thought I could trust more than anyone on this planet. I ended up losing everything, 2 houses & a cat sanctuary, just because I needed 5 points on my credit score to Re-finance. I asked the wrong people for help. They dragged me out, told me to turn down a loan, and sign everything over to them- which I didn’t of course and then it was Hell on earth as I lost everything.

Jerry, thank you so very much for your generosity in sharing your insight and experience. This is invaluable, validating and incredibly reassuring. So much of the discomfort is the isolation and gaslighting re: feeling. The truth is, to truly feel with skill, is incredible strength. Please keep doing what you do.

I come from a family where shame is used to manipulate and control others. I have come to understand that I have an "introject" from my hypercritical father - this sounds very much like the "systems feelings" from others gets installed in another person like myself. I look forward to becoming self-aware and get rid of my father's hypercritical super-ego and get closer to the truth about myself.

I don't know if I am an empath, but I think I have empathy.

Dear fellow empaths, I now always assume that I have been fair..... as we as empaths do not short people in situations. 2. I remember to accept that others are manipulative, etc , and that I do not need to try and make them less manipulative. My only job is to accept that I have been fair and move on. 3. It does not matter to me if they understand me. These are my steps to freedom. Much love, your fellow empath

I hope, in general, that all the commenters continue to share their experiences because this truly helps. It validates what some know to be flaws in the narcissist but can not be sure because of the gaslighting. When you are a child they do laugh at your caring nature and treat you like you're odd.

Narcissistic systems of any and all types despise the truth because the truth exposes them. Be very grateful if you’ve survived, moved on and you are now thriving for you are one of the fortunate few. ❤ good luck out there

Very clarifying, especially "borrowing the empathy feelings". Helps me understand how I got to be an overfeeler. TY

This explains it! I was adopted & was the "perfect child," but my mother always resented & hated me. I'm empathic enough that if I see a stranger cry, I'll cry too. When I married & moved 1,000 miles away, it only took a few years for her to pull the tantrum of the century: the large box of Xmas presents I sent arrived before the check. When I called to wish her Merry Xmas, I got the nasty tone & knew she was "in a mood." She proceeded to call out every gift & criticize it as if it were the only gift, and intended to be a massive insult. When I told her the check would probably arrive the next day, it made no difference. I melted down in a sobbing mess & went to a therapist. He immediately pulled out a reference book & told me about malignant narcissists. It rang so true! Even a week later (after she'd gotten the check), my Dad put her on the phone & she STILL was furious! She had admitted to Dad that "she spoke too soon" but still couldn't stop herself. I could never understand how she could so viciously hate a shy, perfectly behaved little girl who got great grades; luckily, I do now. I told her off after that, and she restrained her open viciousness (I was an only child & there were no other relatives). But she hated me until the day she died - which was literally the first day I felt free of dread.

Love Yourself- Provide yourself with the unconditional love you never got Be your Own Best Friend

This is one of the biggest reasons I can't/ no longer try to talk with my father about ANYTHING the slightest bit personal. To survive his silent, searing, scorn in the face of tales of my rather normal, yet somewhat troubled life ( because of him, largely. It was CPTSD), I realized I belittled myself and turned my life into funny little, humorous stories, when actually I wasn't always finding things too funny. I saw myself becoming a buffoon, in relation to my father, in order to ameliorate a vague feeling I had about what I thought he thought about my problems... At the end I saw that I spent 3 days or a week, sometimes longer, recovering from a 20 minute phone call with my father largely because, when he asked for details about my life situations, I was left having bared my soul and he came back with silence, or laughing incredulity. And I expected help. Or at least some murmer of support or conversational level sympathy. Eventually I saw that I then launched into sacrificing myself on the alter of satire at my own expense. Half the time he didn't even laugh sincerely at my humorous attempts to lighten his take on my latest roof leak or car tragedy... 😢 Figuring that out was a big key towards understanding that what I was looking for were things that WEREN'T there. The fruits of neglect, more than active abuse are hard to spot but once you know what you are looking for it becomes easier and easier to hear the silences, the strange pauses, the expected, hoped for response that never comes. It's so nice when you can stop blaming yourself. Believing I was not even considered worthy of common courtesy from my own parent (yet they wouldn't leave me alone and let me learn how to do it myself) was REALLY painful. It's their sickness. Not mine. Hallelujah!!

Most painful thing to realize when it’s your own mother n knowing there’s nothing I can do to change how she is😢

My husband, me and our kids were asked to participate in something pretty big that was about farming. It was during this wonderful time that his mother let her mask slip…she was upset she wasn’t included- she chose to be jealous/upset/temper tantrum instead of being happy for us. The guilt my husband felt was too much. It was that day I realized the emotional abuse that had gone on for far too long❤

I was "too sensitive" but when I asked why they treated my gc sister so much better it was because "she would stop talking to us if we talked to her like we do to you" huh?? So what's wrong with me is I'm too sensitive but what's right with her is she's more sensitive than me. Then my children got older and suddenly they became too sensitive just like me. Because you can't witness yourself in the same way seeing that I realized that for my parents too sensitive means "has a moral compass and is willing to stand up for oneself". That was it for me. We moved states and went low contact. My parents are just immoral. They go to church for the ego boost but they have no morals. They lie and use people like someone who is out of their minds with hard drug addiction...but addicts' personality improves when they get help because it's the drugs "talking" ...for my parents that deranged user attitude IS their personality.

I was hated because she thought I was stupid and not obedient enough. My father loved me as the baby of the family so I think there was some jealousy at times. I resembled my father and she was very vocal about how much she hated him.

Sometimes, a long stretch of caring for someone 24/7, can wear you down to the point that all that is left are your insides.

Thanks for the explanation of over loving and not getting back what we deserve. Simply put, and so relatable. !!