Why a Narcissist Can Never be a Good Parent 

Master Coparenting with a Narcissist: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/specialoffer

The most painful feeling in the world is when you realise that your narcissist mother never truly loved you.

They regard children as a possession but they really resent the maintenance required of said possession.

Narcissists can’t stand anyone else ever coming first before themselves - even briefly. Same reason they’re never ever a good true friend or partner.

They want all the attention on themselves not the children. And they resent the children for it.

You forgot to mention they're full of self pity. They wrong someone but suddenly they're the victim. Woe is me is all you hear from them until they've convinced their friends of this distorted crap.

Also I have noticed that they like the kids as babies & children/kids until they are 12-13 years of age!! When a kid becomes a teenager, they "leave them alone" & teach them nothing about becoming an adult & how to survive out in that big/cruel world & that world is definitely known for its pouring rain!! Let them experience the "school of hard knocks"!! Oh narcissists want kids to go through the school of hard knocks!!

That completely describes a childhood surrounded by two narcissistic parents and all narcissistic siblings.

I've often said this many times...to a narcissist parent, the child is nothing more than a trophy for them to show off to others.

I too was raised by two narcissists. You described the confusion, deprivation and private hell a child goes through perfectly. Thank you, Danish.❤️🙏

The realization that when a narcissist says "I love you," they actually mean "I love what you're doing for me and being my supply," was a difficult and confusing aspect for me to grasp. Growing up, I experienced profound neglect, to the extent that they (the people who brought me up) would even forget to pick me up after basketball practice. It was an overwhelming feeling of being forgotten, as I often found myself having to remind them to come get me or make the necessary arrangements myself. This upbringing left me grappling with understanding genuine expressions of love and the true intentions behind them.

My parents are narcissistic. I was diagnosed with a brain tumour at 16 years old. The tumour was malignant, on the Amygdala part of the brain where stress is processed. I’m sure it was a result of my relationship with my parents. All through my childhood I had extremely painful headaches everyday but I was never acknowledged as having them. By the time I got to about 9 years old, I gave up telling anyone the pain I was in as I just assumed that was life having to live in constant agony. Once the tumour was removed, I was then berated by my dad as being absolutely fine and nothing wrong with me, if I ever reacted, he’d put me into a headlock and call the police, this actually happened to me only days after coming out of neurosurgery. I then was diagnosed with epilepsy which has ever since been destroying my life with gran mal seizures every 4 weeks. My parents then used the epilepsy to tell everyone I was going mad and dangerous. They called the police on me multiple times and called in social workers, the police had me arrested on multiple times even whilst I was still in bed, the social workers believed every word my parents who were both teachers at the time, and eventually made me homeless 3 years after the brain operation at 19 years old. All because I started pointing out their dysfunctional ways. 19 years on and I’m still receiving the same treatment. I’m not allowed near my family and I’m never helped with my epilepsy. The mad thing is everyone thinks they’re the kindest people on earth. My mother helps at a food bank once a week and my father helps at the church, so there is no way on earth anyone will ever believe my side of the story other than God. The beauty of this is I had a massive spiritual awakening at 25 years old. I found God and I was told by the divine to have no fear. I saw a vision of the future. The vision was karma for people like my parents being exposed through the lose of their ego. I’m still very confident this will one day happen on a global scale. Maybe this 8th of April solar eclipse might be related? Who knows, but I’m very happy with the 5 dimensional consciousness I’m now in and the beauty of knowing we are all loved by something greater than our families. God bless you all. You’re not alone x

I am still a single parent even though I am divorced from my ex. My son always asks to talk to me even if he is at his dad’s house because he knows I am his parent. When my son is alone with me, he tells me that I am the only one he can trust and talk to. It makes me cry when I am alone because wish he wasn’t going through this as a child.

They lack sense of responsibility and empathy

having a narcissist parent is horrible because it's an abuse that society ignores, and damages a child for the whole life. narcissistic parents don’t do what’s best for their children - they do what’s best for themselves. they see their children as extensions of themselves. they don’t recognize their children’s feelings unless it matches their own. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

I lived this! Painful knowing my children had a father with no love. A burden, an object absolutely. He ignored his son as he stood next to him while saying "Dad, Dad, Dad..." painful to watch. Daddy only had corrections and scolding for his daughter. I tried to give her the best attention. You are so right. Narcissistic should never marry and never have children.

May everyone’s pain be lifted.

After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!

You’re 100% correct! They don’t have the patience or empathy to truly care. They don’t coparent, they counter parent. Thank you 🙏

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice”

Hey Danish! I have good news! I got my daughter back from him!!! She is so happy in my arms with her sister! I'm so happy and I thank God with all my heart! ❤❤❤

❤The reason they are always giving money!!! They have nothing to give from themselves❤

I am 51. Two narzisisic Partents. Was the scapegoat of the Family. Was living Nightmare. Hated them since childhood. No narcissist can even be a normal Parent.

My narc mom was the perfect image of a mom. She had ridgged routines. A sanitized house. Strick rules. But this was her way she made herself feel grand. We were objects to obtain something she could never obtain. I was the oldest of 4 & the only girl. When I was 11 & started my cycle, I became her competition not her child. Emotionally I was on a roller coaster. When she was getting self satisfaction, she was tolerable. We saw a cycle of emotional highs & lows. When she was on the high, we were treated good. When the low came ( mostly on weekends) we all walked on eggshells. Everything she percieved wrong was all our ungrateful faults. We stayed together as a family because my dad enabled her behaviors just to keep her from leaving. We now know he just wanted to keep his family together. If he showed any loving emotions to us., she would show signs of jealousy. Especially with me. He gave us attention secretly. Sometimes a loving glance behind her back or a pat on the shoulder for comfort to acknowledge her mistreatment when she wasn't aware. A horrible way to live. The outside world never saw these behaviors. Everyone would say to us kids "what a wonderful mom you have". As we got old enough to realize this wasn't normal. We wanted to say, " come be a fly on our walls ". We could never tell anyone of the behaviors she displayed. They would only think we were ungrateful brats. So we all played her game.

They need to stop 🛑 having children especially when their old. Their children end up being pawns.😢

I think narcissism used to be called being selfish.

It's called a loving FAMILY til you come to realize every aspect of your life has been subjective to your compliance WITHIN the hierarchy of a CULT.

Once again spot on 100%! My son will never speak to his ex father again!!!

Danish, I am so, so sorry for your tragic experience as a child of narcissistic parents. My heart is broken for you. Thank you for making the broken walls of your life into steps for the rest of us. I for one appreciate this so much.

My ex tells everyone how he used to take the boys to school and did homework with them everyday (I did). You could count on 1 hand how many times he did and when he did he’d yell at them. He couldn’t stand that no matter how long we were apart, 5 minutes or 5 hours, they always hugged me. He would say “what about me?” and force them to hug him. He’s an engineer and hounds them to become engineers even though two are studying for medical school. The oldest has gone no contact for the last 10 years (he tells everyone he doesn’t understand why) and the youngest 2 see him as little as possible. I’m truly thankful that they are caring and good people. Narcissists only want to LOOK like great parents, but do as little parenting as possible. I was a single parent even though I wasn’t technically single.

They are children themselves.

They cannot be a good parent because it's always all about them. The child takes too much of the limelight off of the Narcissist. Plus they are selfish individuals but the irony is most all of them lacked true love from their parents. You would think they would be opposite of what they were raises by. Now not all people raised by Narcissist turn out Narcissists where the wires get crossed is debatable unless they are selfish souls before they come into this world.

You just confirmed that my father was a complete overt narcissist. Thank you for helping me understand his behavior. It's been a lifelong struggle.

My adult niece confronts her mother on the lack of nurturance during her childhood. My sister raged at her saying “If I knew it was important I would have done it.” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Having children with narcissist is hell for both the partner and children ...if these children had to suffer bullying or ragging from where they are studying there will be no one to seek help from unless they are bold enough to share such dilemmas with appropriate people ...

This triggered my memory of wanting to breast feed, but the narcissist said he wanted to participate in feeding our baby, so I bought bottles. It was no surprise that he never took part in feeding his son or changing diapers, etc. When I told him I was pregnant, he asked me: who is the father? I was physically abused during pregnancy by him. I stayed for two years. My sister is a narcissist and then I married one when I was 21. This knowledge about both of them has been understood very recently.

I always felt like my mom was just a competitive older sister. I had to grow up fast and parent her. I married a boy who also expects his children to be adults, while he gets to be the child.... Narcissists are stuck at the developmental stage of little children; they don't know what responsibilities are, and they don't want them. Sadly many of us don't realize we were raised by narcs or married to them until many years down the road (myself included).

'single married' is a wonderful description we should have that as an option on government forms.

They like the fact that they own their children so they serve them later in their life

My husband had a narcissist mom absent dad, which is a bad combination😬😬

So, so true. Parenthood is a facade. You raise them, ("That's gonna be your job.") they traumatize them and then, force them to participate in a fight, over them.

I took a photo of my ex-husband holding our firstborn, my infant son. He knew I was taking the photo, so I know he was posing with what he thought was loving expression. His mouth is smiling. But I have become extremely adept at reading even the slightest hints in peoples’ expressions, thanks to needing to do so to keep myself safe from abuse - physical abuse, anyway. In that photograph, I now see in his eyes exactly what you describe: a feeling of godlike power. A feeling that “I created this.” It’s sickening.

Yes. They were missing in action. My narcissistic father was abusive and my codependent mother was neglectful. They thought children were just par for the course, and all people just had them as a matter of course. I raised myself, and did the best I could. But I'm 75 years old now andd I realize I never felt comfortable anywhere. I never trusted anyone. I never loved anyone. Every natural tendency I ever had was yelled and ignored out of me. I now tuminate on this and despise them. I have all the bad habits of children of dusfunctional families, but I no longer have the energy to repratent myself and to learn to be different. I always wonder about it when people say you choose your own parents. I can't have been shown too much. If I had, why would I ever chosen them? The only thing I've learned is how to hate and mistrust people.

Thank you for this video. It is spot on and a God-send. All day today I've been depressed because parenting for me is becoming increasingly lonely, difficult, and very weighty. The narc ex-husband left me and our children a few years ago, and the trauma is deep. Crazy thing is he begged for children. Why do that only to abandon the children and the family he claimed he wanted? CRAZY!!!!! PURE EGO DRIVEN!!!!! These "things" should not be allowed to procreate, EVER. They do nothing but play games and spread pain.

You just told my story.. I was told that I cried alot. I know NM hated Me Thank you ❤️

The most difficult part in being raised by 2 narcs was to be a parent myself; I didn't know about narcs back then, all I knew is that I didn't want to be like them; so I found myself countless times repeating the pattern in which I was brought up in; and countless times plus one I had to revise everything 😢 I had to learn to unlearn absolutely every behavior they instilled in me, everything that I thought were the cores of being a good parent according to them of course; needless to say, they called me a useless mother, who doesn't care about the well-being and future of her kids; I must've done something right, cause my boys are in their 30's happy as punch, accomplished and well adjusted; and that's my silent revenge on them; take that m...&f...

Children are part of the 'I AM A GOOD MAN GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER' they do not even want to be there.

Dear Danish, You are a truly brilliant man. Your childhood experiences, though unpleasant, have contributed to your empathic and responsible nature as an adult. Every of your videos are always on point! I have a narcissistic mother and I tell you, I experienced everything that you experienced with your parents. Thank you for spreading healing through your channel. God bless you 🇳🇬🇳🇬

Thank you for saying that they should not be parents!!!! They destory lives including their kids and the saddest part is, I found my narcissistic dad in my partner as I got older! The cycle is so difficult to break!

Growing up, I sadly witnessed an aunt of mine mistreat her daughter. Dressing her up and showing her around as long as she was a pretty little girl. When my cousin entered puberty, she was abandoned to boarding school or to relatives. Finally my aunt threw her out of the house. No wonder my cousin left the country and went no contact. Guess what - my aunt never ceased complaining how ungrateful her daughter was. Sadly, my cousin passed away too young. Her children do not want anything to do with their grandmother. Who is now very old and alone, but never stopped complaining.

My sister asked me if i felt my mother loved me after her funeral. I said no. I never had a bond, felt safe and did not trusted her. I remembered her coldness and angry and I felt relieved she was gone. My sister was her favorite and couldn't understand and offered no empathy, just like my mother. She said mother had disassociate mental health issues. I said so mother wasn't responsible for her rages? No winning, just poor mama, once again. We no longer connect.

Well, this is it... 🙃 told my grandma I made a 96 on my math test! She replied, "You could've made a 100." 😮 But still I rise. Healing and breaking the curse.

Ouch! Everything you say in this video hit home. I, too, had a neglectful, malignant narcissistic mother. I have very few memories of my past, and not one is positive. What you are explaining here is very, very accurate. I say this because when people try to reach out for help and support after surviving such horrible ordeals as young children, many are told they need to stop "play the victim" or similar. They aren't playing victim. They are trying to heal from things that happened to them that were truly evil.

Yep, my ex NARC is a father of convenience when it's convenient for him. Imagine saying you can't look after your child. He makes minimum effort, and it's nearly always on his terms when he does have our child. Narcs are extremely self-centered and think the world revolves around them. They are consistently unreliable!

You nailed that's my ex narcissist husband. He's a millionaire but for 2 yes now he stopped paying their school fees. He don't care about their academic, get only buy them clothes once in a year. But he always take them for vacation with his new 2 wives. Even my narcissist father when i was in college when i asked him something he'll send me to my mother. My father was having a good job but he'll always tells me i don't have money.

Thank you for another great video. My mother would dress me like a boy because my dad wanted a son & my sister feminine. I became an adrenalin junkie Tom Boy, and just had an epiphany about my life. Amazing open hearted comments from the followers, helping me to speak too. Thank You - I love this channel 🙏🌟

This is going to be a tough watch for me as i an alienated from my daughter and she is now being brought up by the Narc mother.

My ex got visitation two weekends a month for a total of 30 hours. He couldn’t wait to palm her off on his mother to take care. He’d drive over there for a visit every time and stay a couple hours and then tell her that he was “going to help his cousin” or “go fishing” and take off. He come back over on Sunday and take her back to my apartment. I think once or twice his parents went somewhere so he couldn’t do it. But it was his mother that was still doting on him even into his 30’s.

I always wondered why my dad didn’t talk to me unless necessary when I was a child. Since his death I have figured out he was a narcissist and these videos help explain so much of my childhood. Thanks.

Smiling wasn't allowed either. When she caught me smiling I was punished and yelled at or she would ignore me for several days. As of today i am still not able to produce genuine smile on my face. i simply don't know how to smile

Danish is incredibly together for a survivor and has his finger on the pulse and very knowledgeable for a youngish person.

Thank you so much for sharing a bit about your own early abandonment ❤😭 I went no contact from my parents and grandmother 6 weeks ago. Just got laid off yesterday after 10 years via bulk email. I didn’t even think to contact them, which feels almost more heartbreaking than having no relationship. Thank you for your videos ❤

My grandson is a narcissist that lives with his daughter’s mom. She works he does nothing but stay home all day. This bum refuses to watch my granddaughter while mom’s working. He leaves the house go hangout with friends in the morning when she leaves. She has to pay for childcare. Babysitting is beneath them even they own child. I try to tell her but she’s so trauma bonded & thinks she’s in love. I can’t stand narcissists.

I know this as my husband was a narcissist and never fid any thing for our children yet groomed the community by going out of his way to help other people's children i can never get over it and i know even now they are adults they still hurt and still cant believe it is true 😢

I can attest to this first hand. My father was a narcissist and my mother was the enabler. Through this channel and others, I now know why I was doing what I was doing. After a few decades, I have been able to heal a bit.

Danish, both my parents were\are narcs. My mom is still alive and is a demon masquerading as a human. Help those of us with this. Please. Thank you. 🎉

I did all the things you said ..pick them up and drop them off from school take them to the doctor make sure their education is good. Then when I had to put a restraining order and file for divorce he and his lawyer were in contempt of order and never paid child support so I became homeless and had to return the children to him and take off the restraining order because I didn't want them homeless with me. Then he took them out of state and they started having mental breakdowns. I had no family or friend support because he convinced them he was a good parent with his bigger income.

Leaving a narcissist when children are involved is so problematic there is no way a responsible parent and their child can win in a situation like that until finally the child comes of age after muddling through it best as we can. A parent who goes through that who is a responsible one will feel happy for their child when seeing them succeed in life while having basic health (with succesful lifelong treatment sometimes) no matter how that child feel towards them after coparenting with a narcissist was so impossible to be doing a good job at. A policeman once advised me to give my children over to relatives to care for to hide them away from the narcissist whiile I work in the city full time. He said that was the only way for me to be a good parent to them at the time. That was supposed to be doing policework too? Why do our systems seem to all cater only to the narcissists who only seem determined to destroy the lives of everyone around them while they are trying to dominate them?

I was a burden to my narcissistic/borderline mother. She straight up told me she wished I was never born. No matter what I did (even when done exactly as instructed) she would fly into a rage. She was a horrible parent!! You are spot on Narcissist cannot be good parents - they are too selfish and incapable of caring for a child’s needs above their own. They can’t make the kind of sacrifices that are required to be a loving parent. Because the narc always comes first in their own mind.

Wow, Danish, you are preaching to the choir! I can't believe how many times I was saying Yes, so true! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You poor man. I can't imagine not really seeing a parent for 10 years.... Hopefully, your grandma and aunt weren't as bad.

Don't forgive them,but forget them.

They can’t be good bosses either but all bosses seem to be narcissists

I was Mom and Dad most of the time. I told myself he pays the bills and it could be so much worse. Still, when someone is there but they aren’t it’s confusing. I read books on parenting because mine said it was instinctual and that’s how they knew what to do. Their instincts were way off. In my recovery program they told us our parents did the best they could. Whatever. ☺️

My poor husband was raised by narcissistic parents, and him and his siblings developed narcissistic traits; my husband was the scape goat of the family, he was neglected, abused, belittled, criticized and made felt unwanted; he is a better father than his own, but he was not a great partner when our children were young; he would play with them and bought them toys, but rarely was involved in doctor's appointments, school meetings, our children interests, etc. I felt overwhelmed with all the children's activities, my job, the house, and my husband's constant nagging of me no doing enough in the house. I wished he would have been more involved and help more, but I know he was coping his dad behavior, unconsciously, maybe. The worst he did was to deny going to buy food for our children when I was very sick with the flu and had high fever for three days, that broke my heart.

When I was a child I wasn't allowed crying. When I happened to do so anyway because I was sad, lonely and was unhappy, my mother always told me: if you don't stop crying i will make you

Thank you for every perfect thing you said. Narcs should never ever be allowed to have children.

I never fail to feel assurance and validation from your videos.. If I may ask, if you don’t already, for a video possibly, on how to cope/the process of emotions when having to accept and remove yourself from these supposed ‘loved ones’ who were once so important to our lives to now having no contact with them because of the negative effect from their abuse. I am currently coming to terms with the narcissists in my life and I am struggling to cope emotionally..

The love is only on birthdays and holidays bc they get to show what a great party they threw.. and they get all the praise for knowing exactly what presents to buy.

Another awesome video. Both parents r narcissistic…mother malignant, father covert. He is her enabler. But I survived and as I grow, I’m becoming the butterfly!!! Thank you for your videos. I’m sad you went thru this…grateful you too survived.

Dad left when i was a kid, mom worked all day, so i didnt have a union of family, my older brothers took care of me doing a terrible job.

Conditional love. Controlling even when children become adults.

She just had a 4th child (vulnerable narcissist). I worry for their safety but have no proof of abuse.

Both of m parents are narcissistic too. It was tough being an only child. I could relate to EVERYTHING you said! EVERYTHING! Im so happy you escaped both of your parents.I dont know why more people dont just cut off their toxic parents. both of them. I hate the "but their your parents" comment. Yes but abusive & toxic. If my parents were friends, I would NEVER be friends with either of them. Im happy you are healing from their abuse, creating this channel & sharing your experience. Run as far as you can from them, you are better off without them. You seem a kind, gentle person even inspite of them! Well done. Take care.

Your each and every word is hundred percent true and correct Danish sir!! 🙏

At 50 I'm dealing with this from my father. He is just so relentless with it too! That's what I can't understand. He is mad at me because I wouldn't bail him out of jail a few months ago....jail...yeah. I've never asked anyone for bail money. Anyway, this video explains to me why I'm probably disinterested in my career choice all of a sudden. He and I both are carpenters. I have built stuff that he cant...fact...i expected him to be proud... nope. It pissed him off. He listens to music as if he were a 15 year old boy, I play music and he despises it. Just a pissed off jealous child

Thank you so much, Danish. I am feeling so good hearing you and feeling validated and less alone.

Great Video, great content. I fully agree that narcissists should not marry nor have children. Problem being: They don’t recognise themselves as a narcissist. They truely believe they are the most intelligent, nicest and best person on this planet. Just heard this from my mother after she had done something really ugly to a neighbour I.e. she tried but fortunately landlord intervened. It’s pure nonsense. They should not be allowed to have pets either by the way. Same game, same show, same nonsense. They drill pets the same way they try to drill you. Best thing my mother ever said to me was, that she loves her dog more than she loves me. Needless to say that was an eyeopener for me. Went on no-contact for more than one year, learned everything I could learn about narcissism and now stand stronger than ever, knowing her tricks and ticks inside out. Will follow your channel for a while (one should not consume too much narcissism content, could make oneself very unhappy). Really well done, also quality of micro (Rode) and video. 👍🏻

I am amazed by how victims of narcissism like Danish Bashir have turned out to be an inspiration and aide; educating all of us to learn how to get out and survive from our bad and cruel experiences with narcissistic people. It really is not an excuse growing up, being raised by dysfunctional people to be bad and dysfunctional yourself. I admire you sir for using your painful and difficult experiences as your anchor, now have made you the person you are today, helping thousands of lost individuals who are trying to heal and cope from this kind of abuse. Salute.

So on point....we are learning so much and feel empowered... Thank u...

I feel everything you said. It’s like you’re living in my head. Thank you for validating my emotions and experience.

I thank God I got this channel,I'm learning a lot, I've been in darkness with my narc husband for so long

This is 100% true and accurate! Thank you for making this video!

You are so bloody right. My mother is an epitome of narcissism and she created her extension in my older sister. Perfect companion for each other and left them get dirty in their own dirty power play

I listened to this video and all I could think about was my husband’s parents. We are no contact.

I am so sorry you went through so much pain! I at a very bad junction of my narriage cz my husband is pretty much a narcissist, i left home for myself, by when i saw my kids after a week i was shattered to see them so borken & my toddler wasnt showered in 8 days! 😢 That's when i decided i am going to need to be there for my kids, no matter how happy i am, while working on myself... they don't deserve half-a** parenting n they didnt ask to be born... so i am stepping up (trying to) while dealing with my own depression Once again very sorry for what u went through

Excellent narration Danish.... very insightful... thanks 🎉

Danish so true my narc ex brainwashed my daughter against me and no one’s cares just 🙏she returns

Thanks Danish.. For speaking out your own internal trauma... I can see it still hurts but amazingly you are able to help others... My situation is not as as harsh...however, you had an aunt who was there for awhile..for myself, i was segregated out by my Mom for things which are really trivial or non issues and my enabler Dad, siblings worshipped my narc Mom and i often wished i was an orphan so that I could imagine a loving family I lost due to some tragedy...what a way to grow up...

You are really good, I enjoy yor videos! Thank you!!

I agree whole heartly about narcissistic not having children or getting married because I'm a child of two narcissistic and i had to do alot of work for myself to heal the abuse