Narcissistic Spouse Brainwashes Adult Children to Reject You/Surviving Parental Alienation 

It’s wickedness that a parent would do that to their ex and their children!

My son was 20 years old when I divorced his father. In a matter of days, the sweet boy whom I loved, nurtured and chauffeured to every game and practice said it would have been better for everyone if I'd just died, told the entire world on Facebook that his mom is crazy (using words very similar to his dad) and told me to, and I quote, "f#@k off." That was 3 years ago. He has since refused all of my attempts to talk, and has blocked me on everything. Having a child you were so close to suddenly dig your heart out with a spoon is the most painful thing any parent can endure and should be considered child abuse by the narcissistic parent. (Ironically, one of my son's Facebook posts was that he wanted to dispute all the rumors that his dad was abusive toward me....)

My wise brother counseled me: "Love them, and let them go."

The grooming started way before the divorce

I thought leaving would be the hardest part, but having my ex turn all 4 of my kids against me has proven to be far worse!

Parental Alienation is one of the most traumatic understated things a human being can endure. You mostly suffer in alone and in silence. Forced to become a clone of yourself, like living 2 lives. When the child even starts making up untruths, you know you’ve lost the cause..

Alienated children are emotional prisoners, they're trapped and they can't escape. There is no wriggle room. I am learning that the best thing for me to do is let go of the control, work on myself, find happiness where I can, through my work, through my sports and hobbies, through my partner, through friends and extended family. This is like grieving for children who are still alive. I hope and I pray that my 3 beautiful children are safe, and that they will break free from their mother's cult like toxic dynamic.

Very diabolical and extremely hurtful to the child's mental, & emotional health. For their entire lifetime, they will be fighting the confusion this causes them.

I raised my son as a single parent and around 17, my son turned against me. He moved in with his father and stopped speaking to me. My son also cut off his brother (My son from a previous marriage.) I spent 15 years facilitating my son's relationship with my ex, only to realize my ex was turning my son against me. The pain is unimaginable & indescrible. Now I'm a "bad mother." Even though I cared for my son, forewent opportunities, sacrificed relationships... all the things his father never did.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. My ex alienated my 2 adult daughters from me after the divorce. I haven't been allowed to see them or my grandchildren for over 7 years. It's like a living death sometimes, a living nightmare. I need to hear I'm not alone and that others make it through one day at a time. Thank you.

I'm going through it right now. I wish I never met my ex. He's a monster and I hope my children will see it one day.

I've been there now going on 24 years. I filed for a divorce and my husband which was an attorney prosecutor at best. He turned all my kids against me, and one my oldest was 28 years old, son 21, 14, and 12 years old. He told me I will destroy you, turn the kids against you, and your life would be a nightmare. I laughed but he did what he set out to do destroy me. 9 years ago he passed away and my adult children still want nothing to do with me.

It's devastating. In 22 years my x hadn't one interest in parenting or caregiving. I homeschooled our children 15 yrs. We did everything together. Now I'm alienated from all 4 for 12 yrs now. They devalue me and defend him. I've had to let go and give it to God 🙏

Time for college my daughter did a 360. She blames me for ridiculous things. Her Father constantly denied her time,resources, coming to events etc. Now I’m told he and his wife treats her better than I ever had. To raise a child to have self respect, and the respect of others yell and scream and completely be out of character, is heart breaking. I grieved so hard. That I simply had to hand it over to God and move on with my life.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. Before I left, my eldest son was assaulting me, cussing at me with vile things, threatening my life (in front of my husband) and my husband did nothing to protect me. I called the police on my son two times. I had to go to a women's shelter for a month. Now only one of my four children will even text me on mostly special occasions. It is a lonely life but I rather have this life than be abused by my own husband and children.

This is so important. It isn’t just that the narcissist has no empathy and wants to destroy the other parent, but they also have no love for their children because having two loving, reliable parents is great for children, but taking one away and having a tense or non-existent relationship with them is very destabilising and stressful for children. The narcissist doesn’t really want the children to feel supported and happy with the other parent, they want to replicate their own relationship with their parent(s).

My ex Narcissist used my children as weapons against me.

I am dealing with this now with my 16 yr old Daughter and it is so incredibly hard. Her Father and his Sister have manipulated her with money and material things to turn her against me. I was her primary caregiver for 10 yrs and have handled everything for her. I am heartbroken.

Crying- 7 years and counting. What an unfortunate nightmare. The system is broken and it has VERY LITTLE knowledge, if any at all, about parental alienation. 💔

“ Done with the crying “ is a very good book about parent alienation.

Divorced 18 years. My young adult children have been poisoned by my ex and his family 💔💔

It’s rare to find information on alienation of ADULT children. People don’t think that can happen.

I have been shattered by my adult children, their distancing from me and completely rewriting history. Thank you for saying this experience---I thought I was alone!

SO HELPFUL. I’ve let go of my girls completely (now 19 yrs and 21 yrs….split at 13…and then 15 yrs). Agree with all you say and I’ve stepped out of that toxic dynamic…caring for myself and healing. And trust, they will see him one day for who he is…..I’m in a peaceful place but it’s easy to have the sadness triggered.💙🙏🏼

Wow 11 years of alienation for me. My girls were also 13 and 15 when we divorced. I chased the dangling carrot for years until I realized my girls had become addicted to 'the game'. Here's a carrot, chase it. Here's a bread crumb, eat it and be satisfied. Here's a rug, let me pull it. Almost literally died trying to reconcile. Recently I requested to visit my.oldest at Christmas, New Years, my birthday, Mother's Day and was told no, not right now. Then I requested to see her on her birthday. No, maybe next month. Texted and asked what she was doing on her birthday...'Showing Dad around town.' That was the last carrot 🥕 I will ever chase. Game is over for me.

My ex husband did this to me and if I could do it all over again I wouldn't have let him be as involved with the kids as much as I did nor his parents. I went above and beyond to support their relationships and I was totally unappreciated for it

I’m in the throes of this nightmare right now. My heart is breaking and I’m having a difficult time releasing the situation and letting it unfold. I’m sick constantly- he and his sister are poisoning my 26 and 19 year old daughters. He barely sees our youngest and her and I are suffering tremendously. How can anyone be this evil ?? I still cannot wrap my brain around it- I know what he is - yet my knowledge goes out the window and I’m still trying to rationalize the tactics. Thank you so much for your video. It is the exact situation I find myself in. My daughters are my life. He’s done very little for them all through the years and it’s the attention they receive when they do his bidding especially my middle girl that has her hooked in this web. My heartbreaks for her, because I know how she belongs for genuine love from him. But the disrespect has become abusive emotionally and physically

I’m OUT!!! Can’t deal with the mental abuse.

My life would not have been completely wasted had I known that this was going to be my reality. My narcissist pulled off alienation before a divorce, so that I couldn’t leave without losing everything. So I lost everything. I have nothing else to lose and it’s not so bad because I have nothing to care about. He thought nothing could hurt me more than losing my kids and grandkids but once I was aware of his game it was a game changer. The narcissist/torturer watched my face as our kids would insult me. And I couldn’t combat the lies that I didn’t know. After 10 years I gave up realizing I have been losing my reason for living and see no reason for hope. Stepping back it is educational and in my case the explanation for why I was screwed is the narcissist is a most ridiculously pathetic psychopath. So I end up being the lucky one who gets away.

100% I thought as my son turned 18 this nightmare would be over but it's not. He never had a close relationship with our sons and now he's twice divorced and new gf moved in, along with her 18yr old son who has a baby and now all of a sudden he's interested in our kids. Got my 18 yr old to move out within 1 conversation. Told my son I shouldn't have curfews and rules about sex and drugs. So off my son went. I was his fulltime for 18 years. How can he so easily be manipulated?? It's so scary.

I lost myself. This validates me so much. I tried to do my best and now suddenly it wasn’t enough. I was the more active parent. I did everything. It’s so painful because I did it with so much love.

it’s hard to take care of yourself and work on yourself when you have a literally had to grieve the death of your children while they are still living. There is no motivation left to work on yourself. I’m in a dark place tonight. But much of what you have said has been uplifting. At the end of the day, it still feels like I am dead to them. I never saw it coming. That has been the hardest part. The only thing that has kept me holding on, is my youngest son who is seven. He loves me dearly just like my first two did before this happened. I could never do to my youngest son what my first two kids and my ex have done to me. So I’m still here. The dark days get more spaced out as time goes by, but when they come back, the darkness has a gravity to it like I have never felt before. In a lot of ways it gets easier, but in those quiet moments, those rare moments… It is more painful than anything that I have ever felt before. It’s like waking up from the most painful nightmare only to realize that it wasn’t a dream at all, it’s your reality now.

It happened to me. My life was literally stolen from me

FACTS!!! God knows, though HE and will make all these crooked pathways straight. Amen!!

I never would have imagined that this would get worse as they got older. I (clearly naively) thought their eyes would be open to the truth and that they'd get more understanding and kinder as they got older! Even my therapists in the earlier years of the divorce made me believed that my kids would one day see him for who he really is when they get older. Well, that isn't happening and they're now 21 and 23. I lived with them alone from when they were 12 and 14, including through their father's second marriage and divorce and girlfriends. It really hurts 💔.

I married a physically and emotionally abusive control freak when I was way too young and immature to be married, much less become a parent myself. When I first became a parent at age 22, all I wanted was for my kids to love me. I was a permissive parent who took my kids to activities, got as involved at school as possible, and wanted my kids to have the opposite kinds of childhood than my solitary one. I invited friends, drove them and their friends to events and activities I wanted to do everything right. It backfired on me, however, when I grew into my own and realized that I had made a big mistake in my choice of husbands. Because of my lack of social skills, I didn’t leave the marriage in the classiest way possible. This has been held against me ever since as my defining characteristic. My kids’ dad made it his life’s mission (as the vindictive, controlling personality that he is) to punish me by taking the only thing I’ve ever cared about away from me … our kids. Although he was barely involved in the kids’ lives when they were children (I’m willing to bet that he can’t even name one of their elementary school teachers) he is now seen as their epitome of the perfect parent. Like the dad that manipulated them so well in their adolescence, they too now trash me to anyone who will listen. After 20+ yrs of hurtful, abusive treatment and being excluded, pushed away, and treated like an outsider,I finally figured out that my adult kids hate me. I have walked away from my former children and moved on with my life. I sometimes feel sad that my kids (now in their late 30s and early 40s) never got to know me as the happy, content person that I am today, but I realize that it’s not in the cards for me and I enjoy my life with a husband who has also grown into his own alongside me and is now my team mate and favorite person. I have a handful of friends who are supportive and happy for me.. I’ve come to terms with my past mistakes and have made a great life for myself, although it wasn’t along the conventional path. That’s why I like watching these videos. It’s very enlightening to learn why a lot of things happened, and it’s comforting to know that it’s not just me. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and switch direction in order to salvage our own souls.

Amen. My kids were in middle/high school when they began betraying me, their mother. Their Dad has passed away and I am still alienated. It is the most wicked harmful sickness that is not seen by most.

This literally brought me to tears Lisa 💚💌 My daughter's are now 29 and 31. They are still under his spell. It's 💔.

My ex did the parental alienation during the marriage - before the divorce and parental alienation was the reason for the divorce. I stayed in the marriage longer because I saw his ability to turn my children against me and knew it would just get worse after the divorce. After the divorce, he did continue and things got worse. My adult children just had a reunion for our family - without me. It's the most painful thing i have ever experienced. The pain is so deep i feel like i could die sometimes. I know that my ex-husband takes joy in my pain - my pain is narcissistic supply for him.

My ex-spouse did the exact same thing to my two sons. I’m glad to hear that Lisa has regained a relationship with her kids. I’m still waiting for that to happen for me. 😢

Thank you so much for this! My ex did this with our son and it broke me, shattered me. My son and I are now together and trying to heal. My very vicious, evil narc mother is doing this right now with my daughter. Luckily my daughter is aware of it and disgusted, as I am too. Life is so rough!

This is exactly what my mom did to my dad from day one. She lied and told him he wasn't the father. Then 3 years later when the guy she was with did a DNA test, and found out that he wasn't the father, she had to scramble and go after my actual dad. Then over the course of 30 years, told me all of these ridiculous lies, and manipulated me into hating my father. I had gone no contact with him when i was 19, and finally, now that I'm 32, i reached out to him, reconnected, and learned the truth. And i never would have been able to do that without watching these videos from you and Dr. Ramani.

Thank you everyone! My heart goes out to everyone because I am also the “Targeted“ parent and “Parental Alienation” is real and I am still trying to be in both my son & daughter’s lives even though my ex wife turns them against me. God with us! Our children are also the real victims too from all of this abuse ❤️✝️

YOU NAILED MY LIFE. I'm 13 yrs post divorce after a 25 yr. marriage and my 2 daughters are 28 & 32. Their Dad turned them against me and it has shattered so many avenues of my being. Oh, I feel like you have been following my life these years of hurt. Thank goodness for my true friends who know me to help me through this and tell me I am and was a good mother. Sooo many hateful words have come from my daughter's mouths- I couldn't wrap my head around WHY????

Very true . Most stay in bad relationships due to the fear of losing kids physically or emotionally specially if spouse has greater financial resources

I need a follow up on how to teach them boundaries without calling out the narcissistic spouse. I know it’s delicate ground.

Beware, grandparents are capable of this as well.

Passive aggressive behavior is evil. He did this to our daughter. I miss my daughter so much.

Going through this with my daughter. She's with a narcisist guy. Has 2 kids. He has alienated her from all HER family and friends. We were best friends. Now she hates me without any reason. My heart is in pieces.

Nailed it, Lisa. My son is in his 40s and still hasn't figured it out.

You NAILED it, Lisa. 👍 VERY difficult topic, SO often misunderstood. Also one that is becoming more common, so much so it is quite frightening. It literally shatters people into bits. There are no easy answers and yet I hope you continue speaking on this topic because it NEEDS attention from a sane and experienced voice. I believe that some therapists or "professionals" who speak to this topic are thwarting it with techniques that only add fuel to the fire by victim blaming, which is the LAST thing a parent in this position needs. I hope you stay focused in this arena, as your voice is NEEDED! A million thanks.

Oh my gosh, just reading the comments is heartbreaking realizing this is happening so very much. Truly happened to me but you do need to walk away from the toxicity and learn to love yourself and be happy. Definitely a challenging thing to do.

Wow, there are so many of us here dealing with this. My story is similar. I raised two boys from 0 to 1213 years old. I divorced their narcissistic mother and continue dealing with the fact they want nothing to do with me. It was her mission to destroy the relationship we had. Remember kids are sometimes not the smartest and easily manipulated. One thing you can do is enjoy the freedom you have of not having parental responsibilities. Work on yourself and your mental fortitude and strength one day they may be back or possibly not but life is a gift and also a struggle, so enjoy it to the best of your ability.

This was such a godsent video. I have been going through so much with my adult children. Their father has completely destroyed my relationship with both of my daughters.. every single thing that was said in your video resonated it was like my mouth was open the whole time when I watch this I felt like you were talking to me. I’ve been so heartbroken for too long. Now I pray so much for something to come good my way .. my daughters are 28 and 37 years old and I have no saying anything in their life. Their father buys their love and exactly what you said in this video is how he handles things and such a smooth way.

Of all the narcissistic bologna I have to eat, this is the worst tasting. You never get over this fully. I have one child, a son. He fits everything you are talking about, Lisa. Although I have one child, I have three grandkids that have also been brainwashed about me. They're confused as hell. They know I've played the role of mother for them. I took care of them physically, materially, emotionally and mentally, even spiritually. But they have been taught by their narc grandfather and their narc mother that I'm a rotten human being. Like you said, there is no value in me. I'm bad. I can't describe the pain. Today, I set a small boundary with my adult grandson. My son, grandson and the whole family are just so appalled with me over it. I've given up a lot of comfort for myself so I could help my son and his family. I'm tired of trying to explain that I'm not a bad person to them. They don't hear me anyway. I have set boundaries with the few people left in my family that have anything to do with me. There's a number of narcs in my family. It's pretty crazy. Even though it's painful to set the boundaries, and they get so upset with me, I feel a measure of peace knowing I leave what they do in their own hands. They will all have to come to a conclusion about me on their own. I'm 62. I've been explaining myself all my life. I'm not doing that anymore with the narcs and the brainwashed people in my family. I so wish I could have known what narcissism was in my younger days. But, at least I can take some comfort in knowing I'm not a piece of sh**.

This has been going on in my life since my son was born 29 years ago. I have been fighting for a relationship with him all this time. Just trying to ignore what is going on behind my back, thinking love would win in the end. I was soooo wrong. Anytime I would try to defend myself, they call me a victim, wildly oversensitive, immature, selfish etc. I just had enough about two weeks ago. I wrote him a letter that pretty much explained everything. Called his Dad out for brainwashing him and using him as a puppet to destroy me. I told him not to contact me and I blocked him. I can't take the abuse anymore. Also I felt lead to do this by my higher power. I feel much better now and like a weight is lifted off me. I can do as I please without having to worry about the judgement, ridicule and criticism no matter what I do or don't do. It is very liberating. Maybe someday my son will see the light.. I am praying for him. I still love him very much! But as I told him, at this stage I have to love myself more..

Yes they use children to give them false stories and lies to keep them in control it’s totally wrong when they are abusive 😞no more I am taking my power back 🙏❤️

Each moment of this video is exactly what has happened and still happening 💔

What happens if you think the narcissistic parent is manipulation a child who you think could be a narcissist themself? The child is nearly 18yrs and has been in his control for nearly 3yrs. Everything you said is 100% what is happening to my family member. When he talks, it's all his fathers wording.

Thank you. This is happening to me and I'm exhausted and destroyed from "losing my adult children and one set of grandchildren." You have confirmed my feelings.

This is what my mother did to my dad with me. She left him when i was 14. She completely manipulated me into thinking he was somehow a bad person when he'd always been the parent I could count on. I was completely blind to it until I was an adult.

Everything about this is my story. Creepy! Right down to bow being alienated from my grandchildren. There needs to be a level of criminal acts here. These people are despicable. So glad that I have finally begun releasing this.

This really hit home for me. My oldest son was my Best Friend during, and after, our horribly traumatic and abusive divorce. He had witnessed his father’s cheating and years of emotional abuse. Then when he found himself needing financial assistance from his dad, everything changed. Ex completely rewrote history and son swallowed it. After several years of nastiness from the son, our relationship has started to improve. But it will never be what it once was.

Wow! Thank you so much for this. I am going through EXACTLY this! My two teenage boys, 16 and 18 just moved out today to go and live with their narcissistic father and his new wife. My ex has totally turned them against me. I have lost myself and eventually after all their threats to go and live with him, being treated like a dog with absolutely no respect for me, swearing at me etc. I asked them to go and live with their father to give me a break and hopefully so they will miss me and realise how much I actually do for them and care about them. My boys have become like their dad. I’m heartbroken, but as you said, I have to accept what I can’t change and focus on my own healing. Thank you so much for your helpful talks.

Thank-you for covering this Lisa. It's talked about when the kids are young, mostly. I was married to a covert Narcissist for 30 years and we have five grown children. This happened with my kids and it was devastating. As a codependent my whole world revolved around them. When one by one my daughters shunned and ignored me I wanted to die but when I started planning it, it scared me and I knew I shouldn't do it, so I got help and watching your videos always gave me hope. I started downsizing and preparing to sell the smaller house I got in the divorce. I felt as long as I still lived near him (and three of my five children) I wasn't going to be able to heal. I bought an RV and traveled around the country for a year. I found myself still connecting with other Codependents and Narcissists and getting enmeshed though. I started your course but I didn't finish it. I realized I could not date because I kept connecting with toxic or Narcissistic men. I sold my RV and settled in Denver now, near my younger son. My recovery has been slow but your books, courses and videos have been invaluable. Thank-you again! 🌹 Red

Nailed it. Sadly I won't tolerate the behavior in my house wich has kept me from having a relationship with my daughter. I refuse to play the game and walk on eggshells waiting for the next conflict. Hopefully she'll see it someday.

I wish I could walk in a court room and say everything you said.

You could run your business on the subject of Parental Alienation alone. Sad that a lot of the youth going No Contact are destroying themselves further and blaming the most loving parent that is the ONLY one that 'has their back'. These children also become extortionists and as young adults play the 'Perpetual Child" victim role. They were victimized by the pathogenic parent though. Sad how brain scrambled these young adults are... They never remember the "real stuff"; weak to ego/material goods and easily brainwashed. Wonderful video...you hit just about everything. It constantly triggers my own family abandonment wound!!

We are not divorced and over the years I have been yelled at, told I am stupid, selfish in front of our daughter. I have never spoke ill of him to her. Daughter now 18, started college, been distant from me for years.

This is the best video! This describes my relationship. I nearly did not make it when I had to leave my children because I stayed too long with their dad and was too sick to take them with me. Plus my children were to the point of cursing at me, threatening my life and even assaulting me. My relationship with my children is non-existent. My youngest was 12 and my oldest was 19 when I left. The pain is indescribable.

I’m borderline over this. I cried through the whole thing. I try so hard, I’m using every healing modality but I feel like I’m living a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I teach yoga, I did everything the right way, and my younger daughter turned on a dime. My older one swings back and forth but it’s been two months since she’s answered my text. I feel like dying yet ironically I inspire other women in my life. I’m an imposter and I did nothing wrong. They both knew the divorce was coming. I’m a survivor of two diseases and I swing between living a good life and wanting to die.

This is the best video I have seen on this subject on youtube. ....probably because you have had personal experience with this and really know about it. Adult Children get duped by the manipulation of their personality-disordered parent. Instead of seeing his/her personality disorder, they are impressed by him/her. Narcissists are master manipulators.

💯 I am going through this right now!!

I survived parental alienation. I refused to be intimate with the narcissist in my life and he literally gave up gave the children back and ran away to a different state. Two years worth of damage to my poor children though but will work through it now that we're reunited. It's left my 9-year-old feeling unsafe unless she's in large groups of people. They're both just so glad to be with me.

Yes, my mother did this to my sister and I against our father. Every time we had fun with him she destroyed us for it.

Oh my God!!! My narcissistic mother did the exact same thing to me! Is just horrible... my daughter is currently in therapy precisely for this. So sad.

This is my life. The car, the expensive horse…I can’t come close to affording them, and he’s using them as weapons. After years of these tactics, our teen took the car and left home for good.

I feel as if I am dying. My ex husband is doing this right now with our son. He is keeping our son away from me and it's almost a year. I am 20 minutes away from where he lives and I can't even go hug him or kiss him or hold him or see him without my ex-husband threatening to call cops on me or what he loves to do best when we were married which was say that I'm mentally unstable. We got divorced in 2016 and I have not ever lost custody of my son. He tried to do this once and it only got him 2 days with our son back in 2017. It kills me because I am so close and I can't be there. He took his cell phone away from him and won't allow me to give him a cell phone. He told our son I called the cops on both of them because I had to get a welfare check on my child when he stopped answering my calls and took his cell phone away and would not pick up my calls or return my messages. Now my son at 9 years old thinks that his mother called the cops on him when in reality I just needed to know how my son was doing. And many people say for me to just go ahead and take him to court, but it's easier said than done when I know that that whole process will probably damage my son mentally and emotionally and that's not what I want for him. My dream in life was to be a mother and that's what I achieved the day we brought our son home from the hospital. I couldn't have kids and we adopted our little one. We were there the day he was born. Now this man has taken my whole purpose of living away from me

This is the best and most accurate description of what really goes down. Of all the experts on the topic, Lisa you have captured and articulated this perfectly.

gulp...this is my situation. Thank you for your videos about what is going on. It's saved my life. I do feel terrible that I can't protect my teen-young adult kids from their dad doing this to them. His target is me, but this is really hurting all of them.

This hurts the most. Thank you 💝 love from Albuquerque.

we were just showed one of ur videos in my DV group and it changed my life. validated my entire being and history and experiences. absolutely profound.

Yep. Happened to me. Even lost contact with my grandchildren. My counselor told me I was lucky to have one of my six children still on my side. Heartbreaking. I went to the darkest despair, but had to pull myself up and move on without them.

This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing with my adult children and my narcissistic ex-wife . Thanks for bringing more clarity to this horrible reality

The narc mother still is playing this game, divide & conquer!

I’m very fortunate because my adult children are the ones that pointed out to me what narcissism is.

This is heartbreaking for me. We are still married but she will make them see how life is better without me…. Soul crushing…. I’d rather be dead…. And it’s horrible…. This is so important of a subject. How could someone do this? In tears just typing this….

Dearest Lisa, thank you so very much for this amazing video packed with great information and advice. I am a mother of a teenage boy (almost 16 years old) whose father estranged him from me. I divorced his father when my son was only 3 years old. We had agreed on joint custody because, at least so I thought, we wanted to let the child grow up as close to both of us as possible. Little did I know then that this was his father's first step to slowly push me out of the picture. I suspect my ex-husband to be a covert narcissist. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who also distanced me in subtle ways from my father, within their marriage. She kept talking badly about my father, and slowly, I started to see him through her eyes. I can't believe that with everything I went through as a child, I didn't recognize what was happening in front of my very eyes. I had an ongoing journey between trying to heal and trying to work out things with my son, who is since he is 6 years old living with his dad. With the kind of family I grew up in, I felt so alone during the whole process that I was looking for some love and support from someone. Therefore, I had remarried (twice) in the years following the divorce from my son's father. And twice I fell again for a narcissist. Thankfully, I am divorced from all of them now, and, I am also not looking for a new relationship. I feel so stupid, and I know that my son's father has and is using all of my past mistakes to create a horrendous picture of me. My son was until recently sort of acting cold-ish towards me. And now he is not talking to me at all, after he blew up on me and me asking for an apology for his behavior. I have again and again tried to get through to my boy, but he is completely under his father's spell. He did previously only contact me when he wanted me to buy him something, and then he would act maybe a little nicer and would even say thank you. But that was that. Now, with his progressing puberty, he has become very aggressive in his way of talking to me. Then the whole situation escalated a couple of weeks ago, when I told him very clearly, for the very first time, that this kind of behavior towards me is unacceptable. And, that I will not turn the page until I have heard an apology. That was the last time we spoke. His father contacted me a couple of times thereafter to play the nice guy who wants to “fix” things between us. But, I know that he only wants to pull me back in, so he can joke about me in front of my son and continue with his sick game. But, this time, I stuck with my decision. And then even my ex-sister-in-law "suddenly" sent me a message, asking to go for coffee and, offering to “mediate” between me and my son. I told her that if she cannot see that my son's behaviors toward me are unacceptable, she is doing nothing to help but everything to enable these bad behaviors. She did not write back after that. I have been getting much closer to God over time and therefore also feel a lot stronger than I have ever before in the past 16+ years. But, at the same time, I am having terrible doubts as for whether I am really doing the right thing here. I would very much appreciate your input, dear Lisa, or anyone else's who feels led to do so. Thank you so much, everyone!!

Thank you so much for This message Lisa. It resonates with me so deeply. We need to pray for our kids and believe that the truth always comes out and it has the last word - sometimes after many years.

So helpful, This is EXACTLY what happened to me. It was so awful, i brought him back home thinking it would help the situation with the adult children. It’s so twisted and sad and I never had the courage to break up the “family”. My middle daughter tells me outright I didn’t protect them. I have three amazing daughters. I but my lack of having a father on him the alcoholic. It’s so hard to forgive myself. Last week he fought with my oldest daughter , nightly occurrence, and I went out back and gave it to God. He moved out that night. The is the Power of God. I am so grateful ❤❤❤

Wow! Spot on. It's horrible that so many of us have experienced this. Inevitably, we have to move on. The emotional pain is overwhelming. We can hope, pray and try to reconnect with our alienated children, but at some point we have to live our lives. Right?

My heart is shattered because of this…. After all of the good I’ve done, he comes later .. I’ve done it all everything for my special needs child…he found a way to turn them against me. I have no say .. no feel .. they see no value in me and I am the nicest person in the world

My ex did this to me, after 4+ years since we broke up and still continuing, but with my adult daughter/grandchildren of 3, and all I seem to hear is how they've been exploiting me, hurt me, and now dealing with estrangement, as she's going through another dramatic breakup, has 1 child/police involvement on her bad choices and behaviors towards me, and others, trying to manipulate my relationship with my beautiful loving grandchildren. The situation has gotten out of hand, but realize that my daughters verbal attacks, and she admits at times, now that she's going through counselling, that she deflects when she verbally abuses/manipulates me. My grandchildren admits that they are tired of hearing how their mom lies/getting ppl, mostly men to spend the weekend with them, trying to control how my grandchildren perceive me, they have caught many lies. They've expressed as usual, how they wish to live with me, needing to catch up on their sleep, freedom and fun that we have when we can get time together. But you know what, I am tired, stressed, have panic attacks/anxieties (discrediting me) that it's her demons that she needs counselling for, and Pray to that if she is getting counselling, that she's being truthful, and get the tools to help her deal with her inappropriate life style (she has become to the point that she has no class, her ex has been a meth addict most of his life, he was brutal, and this is his 3rd family that he tried to destroy. She is blaming me for how the break up was, as I had to get rid/end the loveless relationship, and soooo much more. Why do my grandchildren and I continue to be punished, if I don't give her narcissistic supply?! Please help. Namaste.

I am going through this trying to speak to my daughter therapist to help her. I’m glad that one day she will realize the narcissist. Thank you for this 🙏 it gives me hope.

Wow, this entire episode floored me. You are talking about my situation exactly. I am seeing a therapist who forwarded your video to me, and I am so grateful. Thank you for the work you are doing, and I'm so sorry for anyone going through alienating brainwashing experiences with their children. It hurts like nothing else I've ever experienced, everyday, all day, years now.

My ex alienated our daughter from me throughout her childhood, and I was in denial. After I finally decided to leave him, our teenage daughter cut him off. He blamed me for it, but I was surprised when she cut him off. Once our divorce was final, she started to tell me about all the things he did and said to her over the years to turn her against me. It's so sad, and it is terrible that it was going on through her whole childhood, and under my nose. It is terrible to abuse children this way, and to target your spouse, just to elevate yourself. Absolutely pathetic.

Lisa, you are so amazing. ♥️ And nobody can truly understand you untill you experience it and i dropped a tear while i was listening it because i felt exactly like you said.

It's not that she was never involved and I was the super parent. I'm fact, due to my job I often couldn't make parent teacher meetings or some school events. However, I always asked if they were ready, had concerns, post school day or event I would ask them how things went. What was good? What was not so good? What was new or interesting? I cared. I wanted to support them, celebrate them, acknowledge them & their feelings / experiences. Yes, today, I feel like when Dino drops Fred Flintstone outside the house and he's left banging on the door trying to get back inside. Or, like I am being scapegoated and erased. I'm not only being cut out of the lives of my 5 kids, but also my 1 1/2 yr old grandson who I have had a truly amazing relationship. I don't spoil any of them. It is heart wrenching like spear through the heart like to be turned away & hear the BS/lies/ false truths that are being said to my face. During the divorce, she tried to take them away from me, then she tried to break me financially.

I swear I feel like you have been the proverbial "Fly on the wall throughout my life!😄 It's so amazing how pretty much every narcissistic person has so many of the same patterns they're just a carbon copy of one another!🤯 My parents did this to me and still continue til this day... I ended up in a relationship just like my mother who taught me to be codependent. I am trying my damnedest to break the cycle for my children. Thank you very much for your videos, You are a true gift!💝

I’m divorced from a narcissist and I believe my oldest son has married a narcissist. She has systematically turned all 3 of my children against me. I didn’t realize what was happening in the beginning. First my youngest, my daughter, started treating me rude and was mean to me, then my second son cut me out of his life. Now my oldest accused me of being a narcissist! Cut off all contact with him and my only two grandchildren! My heart is broken, I have never been so hurt in my entire life. I have no doubt it was my DIL, she has to be in control. I don’t know what to do, I get conflicting advice from friends. I am a total mess 😢