Narcissists & their victim mentality 

My ex husband accuses me of belittling him. I finally understand what he means, it's every time I disagree with him, dint praise him, express my own opinions and speak up. Mostly when I hold him accountable.

Right. Are we supposed to be *respectful* to the narcissist treatment?

That must be part of there grandiose entitlement & fake superiority

I got called a bully and disrespectful when I would stick up for myself. Then I gave up and left.

Always Always Always

Empathy exploitation is such a good term and yes that is exactly how narcissists move through the world

I am losing my empathy lol

I start out pointing my misery 😂

But what about those that are truly victims of crappy things like trauma or abuse?

Ikr? Well boo hoo I'm all out of Kleenex. Don't look back honey! 🙂💪🙏

Same here. They’re blaming the narcs mental health on me that he is stressed etc. Wow wow

I hate when others make excuses for the narcissist. Like their feelings matter and yours don't. Trying to make you feel sorry for them and not even care about yourself.

Agreed. I realized I was working way harder at our sibling relationship then they were. It was exhausting. I could no longer do it.

I delt with this phenomenon both in my family and romantic relationships. There was always an excuse for my father's behavior because he was an orphan as a child. So we tolerated his aggression and manipulation pretty much all our lifes. I experienced similar in couple romantic relationships. Being manipulated in a way that I always didn't say or do the right thing by that person so we could make everything in relationship about her wants and needs. Whatever I did and I really tried to do and be better and more patient and loving. Somehow it was never enough and every week there was another protest by that person on my behavior. Things I said or didn't say. Did or didn't do.

This has happened to me too! Despite them knowing about the sad childhood I had!

Total bs

Exactly!

I usually wonder about school shootings and such. Not talking about drillrapper gangsta criminal shootings. But sometime's I can't help thinking some people bullied someone too far... And then when the tragedy occurs their all victims...

Yes😊😊😊

@@LSMH528Hz That's a really interesting theory. I was badly bullied through secondary school, but getting rid of my bullies by massacre is not something that ever occurred or appealed to me! The thought of just one innocent person getting hurt in the crossfire would have been enough to stop me, even if I had wanted to attack the school. For someone to not care at all, to act in extreme violence purely on impulsive rage, and then only care about how it impacts on them...some of them might be young narcissists, you could be right. (Some others might be more like sociopaths/psychopaths, I'm not qualified to speculate.) But interesting...

I found myself constantly trying to help him feel better YOU ARE NOT HIS THERAPIST .. OR ANYONE THERAPIST ,.. you get into a relationship to be a girlfriend or a wife ... NOT HIS FREAKING THERAPIST .. he needs find a therapist and it is not your job .... RUN if you see yourself trying fix a person ,. it is unhealthy .

I went no contact about 7 months ago. Still working through the process of grief and loss and coming to terms with the fact he’s not who I thought he was in the beginning.

Same story and yrs for me. I hope you are doing better. I am 2 and half months of their sudden departure.

Yes. Remove both groups if able.

You know, I’ve thought about this too and the enablers can be worse (unless they really are scared). I have no respect for people who are that easily manipulated, just being honest. Like the coworker who decided to believe I was “jealous of her” despite never having felt like that, nor given any indication of negative feelings about her for years. In fact I always tried to be friends with her. I just don’t get it. The narcissist shows up and suddenly people forget what’s real.

@@justlivinglife465 I agree, 100% 👍

True😂😂

Enablers makes the narcisist stronger

Yes 😅😅

Yep. I reached the absurdity level with my ex. 😂

It is

OMG it is exactly like that, I thought I was going crazy but it seems he really is the crazy one....!!!!!

Projection

No, no, no! I'm the luckiest! Well, okay. Dr. Ramani has helped and saved so many of us. I'm glad you made it.

@@mgb7140 I'm glad you did too ☺

100 % all of your stories is my story as well. Just under 10 years asked him to leave he went on a rant every night for 6 to 8 hours trying to darvo coerce me into letting him stay.He even brought restraining order paper work home and threatened to have the police come and remove me from my house if i wasnt nice to him . He wouldnt let me read those papers of course. Threatened to kill me my twin and mom for turning me against him. My son he was going to shove his fist down his throat breaking his teeth because he ruined our relationship. Because i let him move in with us. Said my son was constantly stealing from him with any friends son had over. Was wanting me to choose between my son or him. Myson stopped having anyone come over didnt hardly leave his room except to go to kitchen or bathroom. For about a year. Every morning the man would sit at computer right by sons wall and bitch how son had snuck in to our room and stoled from him . I sat up every night and watched over the man making sure nothing was going on. I did use bathroom quickly once in a while. Noone came in our bedroom. After almost a year of this torture i told son he was 18 you need to get a job or move out he got a job and moved out. Im so sorry that i let that abuse happen to himand me as well. So about a year later man didnt change still blamed our problems on me letting son move in i said "He's been gone a year nothing has changed you need to go!" I got a restraining order on him after the 5th or 6 th night of coercing he said he was going to call police i said go ahead . I had got the order that afernoon not told him yet he didnt and kept threatening me he told me call the police so i called them and told him about the order they came and walked him out. 3 months later the judge dropped it because there was no phycical abuse.he wanted to move back in i said no way thank god he didnt ive been packing stuff all the house stuff is out side i thought he took it but most is in garage still double car garage and shop packed full of his stuff blah blah blah blah . Now he says ive been withholding his life long possesions. Hes had since december to get it couple thousand $ later for lawyer advive and letters to get his stuff my moms going to hire hunks for junk 1st of august to haul it to dump. Im sure he will blame me and t r y to sue me and my mom . Im so greatful for my family and life. I dont sleep much thinking hes in the house or outside. Its getting a little easier. Sorry to have vomited on this post. Airhugs of positive loving energy to you all.

Yep I just found her now while im going through the hardest breakup of my life and I cannot believe how much she has helped me. Honestly her videos have completely changed my point of view and it feels so relieving to actually deal with the situation.

Exactly! Dr. Ramani is my therapist that I'm so grateful for! I wouldn't have understand narc behavior without her. Thank you Dr. R from the bottom of my heart!!!

congratulations, I hope you are finding all of the happiness!

I’m finding the work around the home inside & outside is so much easier not carrying around the resentment they bring. I’m 72 yo , divorce papers signed, after 24 yrs of marriage I have options. Women are not putting up anymore 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

This is where I'm at . It's an awful life to live.

I found out way to late in my marriage about these type of people who love to emotionally abuse you in order to get out since we have a handicapped child who we are supporting and he never wanted me to work outside the home in order to "financially keep me in my place" which was advice from the men in his family, and we've been married 60 years!

It has been 31 years of freedom from his toxicity . Our children still deal with him. I have taught them a tool kit of surviving him. They are starting off better than I did because of what I learnt and taught . They are all around , might as well learn how to deal with them. I don’t have another planet to run to .

That my family narcissists we're so good at playing the victim made it hard for me to escape some awful abuse. The thing that helped me most was realizing life was not fair and knowing how much other people were suffering.

Yesss Me too Thank You MP!

Attached by Amir Levine and Emotional Intimacy is an excellent resources. Attachment styles effect how someone behaves in relationships. The Hoffman Process is for healing childhood trauma. Everyone has been wounded in one way or another. Focus on personal development and recovery. A motto for everyone: Do no harm.

This is why I personally dread people who seek relationships with people exactly like their parents.

@@AnnmarieKeim-vw7ll It's a fundamental truth for everyone regardless of income. Life is inherently unfair. Everyone will deal with malevolence, trauma and losses. No one is coming to save you. You've got to save yourself. There is victimhood or victor consciousness. Accepting ownership is emotional maturity. We're all a common denominator in our relationships.

his mother and sister are narcissists no contact ,... protect yourself ..

Your fiance should also go no contact for his new family sake, or maybe he doesnt know about narcissism or doesnt feel bothered by them? Whats his stance on their behaviour?

Wow good for you

Love this idea!! Thanks for sharing!

What a great idea.... well done you ❣️

Thank you! I lost my best friend to suicide last year and don't know how to cope. This sounds like an excellent way of coping. But I think I'm going to date and keep the cards.

Unless you're a rolling stone, "hope you guess my name"

I damn sure don't ellie

Threatening suicide that emotional blackmail and you need have no contact .. and if they did hurt themselves that is NOT YOUR FAULT ,.. you are not responsible for anyone's life ,. including family!!!! Emotional blackmail is a dysfunctional form of manipulation where the blackmailer uses your feelings to control your behavior or influence you for their self-interest.

Mine actually DID try to kill herself; unfortunately, she almost succeeded and had a real incident that caused her to do it. My mom was also a narcissist and blamed it on me not wanting to talk to my mom for why it happened. My sister tried to kill herself bc of a horrific crime that had been committed against her by a "psychiatrist/hypnotist" but my mom blamed it on me. It was practically a crime against humanity but he got out of the country before police could stop him.

@@VickiBee I hope that she gets the help that she so very much needs. Her issues maybe so much more then narcissism. Mine tried to call in the flying monkeys to get them to reel me in. While I couldn’t ignore threats of suicide and called in the authorities, based on my past experiences, I felt that this was all to get me back under spell. Absolutely requires some type of follow up, but I must maintain ‘no contact.’ Family notifies me of any issues.

I think threatening to commit suicide because you will not give into a demand is very perverse. It's emotional exploitation, most people will start to experience guilt for an action that is not their own and will scramble to meet whatever expectation they want from a person to get their way. It's a maladaptive strategy that some people have and it seems like a giant trump card to the person pulling it. It's almost like people will threaten suicide but not actually go through it because they are waiting for how you respond to that. They do not even think about how threatening to commit suicide emotionally impacts the other person they say it to. It can be hard to tell if someone is serious or if it's just a plea for attention. They might think that people have a genuine obligation to prevent them from committing suicide. I think it's a really messed up way to see how much somebody might care about them and that is not a healthy strategy. I just had a family member pull this on me after insulting me and then pulled the suicide trump card. I am not sure if it is normal for a person that if you truly need the emotional support from a person that you would insult them. This happened after they insulted me and then attempted to gaslight me over the insults. I have dealt with another person being truly suicidal and they were in such a state that they did not ever once insult me or another person they reached out to. Luckily I intervened along with someone else and we were able to prevent the suicidal person from dying. He ended up receiving medical care and his parents were very grateful we got emergency services involved. So I honestly think if a person is in such a state where if they want to commit suicide, that the person is so low in whatever energy that person has left that they would not insult anyone because they feel like total garbage. I think if a person is about to commit suicide, they already got over that hump of anger at the world and might even experience a sense of calm before they kill themselves. They are already resigned to throwing their life away.

​@@VickiBeesorry to hear about all that

Dr. R ia a beautiful wonderful woman! It makes me beam knowing how many of us she's helped!!! You got this! Keep watching her and learning and you'll never be blind to a narcissist ever again!!!! God bless!

Narcissists don't think they need to be "fixed", to them, you are.

Andy, I understand the feeling. I think it goes to the root of how our culture is organized and the need for moving into sustainable, equitable future. If you want to fix that then courage - full steam ahead. We are going to need it. Are you political in the broad sense of the word? ( not D and R sense )

I’m so glad you’re free from that now

Sad, but necessary

Wow, different Fathers- Different People.

My Oldest had a Different Father, and Bullied my Other Brother with the same Father as Me and then after then My Younger Brother started Bullying me.. It’s because of the Fact that Mom Moved on to someone New and little Men, become territorial. So he resented you for being born from another Man that wasn’t his Father.. The Abuse was passed down to me- the Only Girl.. so it was that.

Everybody around him taught him that being a "victim" allows bad behavior. Toxic people who made a bad thing even worse.

You're not the problem ☺️

People wear a social mask . (Outsiders) You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. All families are fractured and dysfunctional in one way or another. Adults choose their family. Each child is parented differently. Toxic Parents and Toxic Families by Susan Forward, are excellent books.

It is exactly similar in my birth family too. My sister is a covert narcissist who has malignant narcissist tendencies too of enjoying the sadistic pleasure after inflicting emotional pain on her close family members and relatives. My mother acknowledges her wrong behaviour even though my mom does not know these above psychology terms, but she is one of the biggest enabler. Shameless enabler to state the fact because she says she don't want to face her rage so she won't help my sisters husband who is getting tortured emotionally and was asking some help to my mother asking why her daughter does these awful things and my mom refused to help me too when I was being tortured. But, she only gives validation that my sister does these awful things but she won't confront her. In our childhood also, due to her enabling and spoiling my sister too much, she has been emboldened in her narcissistic behaviour and now at 45 she has become unstoppable and supremely cunning enough to abuse and torture one victim at a time behind closed doors covertly so that even others won't notice that. Narcissists are evil and pain to be around but these enablers are more characterless and sickening 🙄🙄

💯

How awful. You have a supportive community here. Sending prayers and hugs for safety and escape.

Can you go to a women's shelter or live in your car?

@@kokosage no, absolutely not, if anyone leaves it will be the perpetator

@ lisa Grimes I am so sorry that you experienced such horrendous abuse. Do all in your power to protect yourself, a safe living place & start therapy with a trauma therapist May every good blessing be yours ❤

Protect yourself and thr cat! The person looks like psychopath... and try to defend in some clever ways, its still selfdefence

Thank you

You're trying to inspire a narcissist. They reject that!👍

He sounds feminine

Amen bro. I live this nightmare too

I agree it will also! The victim mentality isn't healthy and gets tiresome to hear too.

Ah yes, the gist of it is like "don't you see I struggle? You should ask if I need help!"

Yep. Got a victim bully narcissistic neighbor. Cra cra. The only way to win is to refuse to play.ser a bou daty...I want nothing to do with you. Refuse to engage.

Walk away and don't give them a second thought.bye bye.done...

I went thru pretty much the same, with my two exes. Both of their mothers saw no wrong in their sons' behaviors towards women, and just ignoring the fact that one has been a long long adulterer. It SCREAMS so loudly to me that mothers are the ones that turn out these narcissistic excuses for men.

Thank you for saying that!😊