Narcissists Will Change at the End of a Relationship 

They've been holding back from the beginning....they never give you what you want without something in it for Them ...NEVER.

Thanking you, Lee Hammock, Dr Ramani and others that dedicate lots of time to help us heal ❤❤

Trust me they can't even try to change.

Wow- I lost 45 yrs You are spot on- I'd love to share my story sometime. I was discarded 2 yrs ago - Lots of false allegations- Still working on the divorce- I'm slowly healing- Your point of view in each video is eerie and so eye opening. I feel so ignorant- I had no clue!

The behavior of narcissists is so confusing for the rest of us. Their motivations are really different. Narcissists are not able to really see other people. It's very sad. The behaviors of narcissists are all the same. It's so important for this education to be widespread.

True quote: "Im sorry I wasn't listening....I was trying to work on that teamwork thing." After almost 36 yrs.

Yes Ben...they always say they are trying and wont just do it. Mine always said "change doesnt happen over night" as an excuse. Like if you were gonna lose your job for coming late to work, you're not gonna tell your boss "change doesnt happen over night" lol 😅

My ex and I broke up, but I caved in and begged him to come back after 3 weeks because of the trauma bond. When he came back he was so awful. He reversed the discard and gave me concussion, knowing that would mean the end for me. He then went to his family and friends and said "I tried, but she threw me out again". That was a harsh lesson for me.

YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM MARRYING A NARCISSIST. IM SUPPOSED TO PAY HER BRIDE PRICE THIS WEEKEND, BUT YOU HAVE SAID ALL THAT SHE HAS BEEN DOING TO ME

I can't speak for anyone else on here, but I sooo appreciate your openness & honesty about you & NPD! Everything you described here is basically what most survivors of narcissist abuse have experienced! Kudos to you for seeking help but also for helping us! Keep up the good work!

Yes, they want to end it after they can blame you, they'll make you suffer until you make a minor mistake. After your mistake they become the instant and only victim, even after they've made 1000's mistakes

On my daughter's 11th birthday my wife as so toxic to me. I sat on my bed and said your just so toxic to live with. I can't live with you no more. An hour later she said we need to go for a drive! So we did. We had a long talk in the car and she said to me. I don't want us to throw away 22 YEARS away. I said neither do I but Dee I'm I'll and I don't know why I'm I'll. We both cried for an hour in the car. She also said to me that if we broke up again the next time it's over. Within that week she again was nasty to me. She said I'm taking the kids out and your not coming! I'm was like what. I could not believe what I was hearing. I said just the other day you wanted me to stay. There was the push and pull. Then a few days later. She then said as I was about to walk out the door to go and see my dad. I thought we could spend some time together. I just gave her this big look as if to say " you didn't want me by you last week" proper nasty and toxic. The next day we had a massive argument and that's when I said goodbye to my kids and left. 3 months later she moved the new supply in. Says it all really. It's nearly been a year since I left and 2 months no contact. I going through court to get access to my children. She's really that toxic.

Every single one of these happened to me. “Don’t give up on me.” “I won’t forgive you if you ever break up with me.” “I feel empty without you.” “We were meant to be together. I am changing to be a better man for us both in order to create a healthy future for the rest of our lives.” “I can’t wait for you to have my kids.” “I don’t like how it makes us look to my family when we break up. I don’t want us to believe we’re unstable.” “We look good together.” “I’m the idiot. You’re not a bitch. I’m the bitch.” “I’m putting you through so much. It’s not okay.” “Thank you for not giving up on us.” You name it, I’ve heard it.

OMG I hate the statement "I'm trying" I've heard all of this bullshit multiple times

Thank you. My ex husband wanted me to leave. We have three daughters. He hated them openly. He abused them physically and me at the end. We even had the social services called. We we were living in another country as he wanted to chase his ambition. I followed and were patient. I wanted ti settle down because we moved every year because he was not satisfied with his work situation. He is a high conflict person and couldn’t fit anywhere. I wanted a house….. so we can be safe. So kids can be finally home. Instead of a house he bought himself a Lamborghini….. expensive watches…. He drank…. I fled with kids one night as I thought he was going to kill us. I am back in our country…. He moved in with his girlfriend the same week. I had no idea he cheated…. Now the kids do not want to see him as they are afraid of him. He blocked the kids as they ruin his day when he hears from them. He hurried the divorce as I was struggling with our suicidal child. I was left without anything but the kids. It has been more then a year now since we left. He still threatens, accuses , plays the victim as I left him and took his kids away. He sends alimony and doesn’t care about the kids. His family supports me. He has no friends. He blocked all of our friends in our country and continued to live his life there with his girlfriend and her daughter pretending to be the best person who got terribly hurt by his crazy ex. All the people around him are new, nobody knows what happened…… I am leaving him to the God…..

The whole situation is Dr Jekyll/Mr Hide, Groundhog Day, roller coaster life. Time to go!! Sucks I waited over 30 years to finally get all this but that’s ok. Better late than never. God has a good plan and I’m going to look for the best and the silver lining in it all

My ex always pushed me away, and if I came back he told me that I'm stopping him from living his life. He called me annoying every time I wanted to talk about things and called me crazy and a stalker and said I wouldn't leave him alone

“You left because you wanted to” “if you being treated so bad why are you still here” “I don’t want the relationship” “no one feels this way about me but you “. He cried and got on his knees . It was super fake and I saw thru the tears. He booked a “trip” to Mexico. He “enrolled” in therapy. Swore the therapist was telling him that he was right and should just let me go. They know what you want the whole time and they definitely refuse to give it to you. It’s all manipulation! They know exactly what they’re doing ! It’s push and pull, they want you to chase them . They are sneaky, materialistic, and they find personal gain and benefits out of you being hurt! Leave and never look back . No one deserves the bs of a narcissist! Leaving is the best decision that you can make. I do not care how long you’ve been with them !! Find yourself and love yourself because the narc never ever will!

Spot on!! He's done it sooo many times over the course of 12 years! I have finally had enough and not falling for it any longer. He broke up with me 6 months ago over some bs, but really because I caught him being sneaky once again. Of course he found a way to blame it on me...not only that, a month prior to that I told him I didn't want to sleep around anymore until marriage, since we were both on this spiritual journey and he declared God showed him I'm his wife. This was talk after we broke up yet again and he came back around. We went to premarital counseling among other things and in the end he still displayed those same ugly behaviors. I believe this time he was just trying to find a way out and this was his opportunity. He didn't want to look bad, so he blamed me holding on to the past and getting mad because he moved his phone a certain way. He actually was hiding his phone and texting someone and then put it face down when I came near him SMH LOL! I just can't believe I wasted so many years on him and kept allowing him to come back. Now he's showing this changed man that's into church and learned some valuable lessons. I've seen some of the same patterns throughout the years, so I know better now. I wouldn't care if he became self aware and actually changed, it doesn't discredit all of the other emotional and mental abuse I've endured from him. This healing journey has been years in the making and all of that crying and seeking therapy for myself has not been in vain. I never thought I would be able to resist when he'd come back, but I am proud to say that I have been able to do that and not feel guilty. I'm counting down the days when I never have to speak to or see him again. Our son is 7 years old and on his 18th birthday, I plan on relocating and changing my phone number.

Wow, my friend just spoke to me about this yesterday, how her now ex kept telling her that he wanted to get back together but then kept changing his mind. They finally broke up. The once very lively & cheerful young lady I knew is now timid & introspective as a result. She would give him chance after chance only to keep her hanging. I told her that it makes me sad she even questioned whether that behavior was acceptable or not.

Those are exactly the words my ex used to say. Till i caught her cheating and instead of apologizing all she told me was "this is not going to work out"

Please listen to Ben. I have been down these roads with several different trypes of narcissists and they always beg ! It never ever, in my experience, gets better folks! We deserve a happy healthy lifestyle not this destruction. God Bless!

Exactly what he did when I said I would file for divorce. He had been having an affair for a year and told me he was in love with a much younger, extraordinary woman. This was after years of the silent treatment and he was constantly online with his secrets. When I said I was DONE, he tried to change my mind with promises that he would give her up, go to marriage counseling, whatever I wanted. I didn’t fall for his proposal and started the divorce and left everything behind to get far away. He immediately got his new supply to move into our house, help him sell it and then moved to Canada with her. He plastered Facebook with adoring photos of them together before our divorce was even filed. Then he told our confused friends that I wanted to leave him and I divorced him. The new supply was a friend that was blossoming into a beautiful relationship. OMG! We were married 15 years! I had no idea about NPD.

I gave him notice that I was leaving for 2 reasons 1- I was hoping he'd 'try' and 2 - since we split the bills, I thought it was common courtesy. He pulled the rug out from under me. It went from I'm looking for a place to live to you're moving out this weekend😮...then the real 'fun' began. He played serious mind games for the next 18 months until I woke up and realized I had a choice in this. Then trauma bonded, did this back and forth thing for another 18 months. Until finally I made major changes in my interests and hobbies so he no longer appealed to me and then finally went no contact for 6 weeks, he said it was 3 months. I don't want to be in this anymore. I feel like it's done, but I feel like he'll play this game with me until I'm dead unless I move out of state or something.

Yes, always my fault. His always go to was if you don’t like it YOU can leave. He got what he wanted. I’m finally after 23 years leaving. And he’s being wonderful now. And you know what? This overly nice man is every bit as alarming as rager man. Both are not normal behaviors.

One time on leaving, i was given a 2 hour window, on a certain day to pack and collect my things, it was made as difficult as possible. I turned up, had 2 hours of physical and verbal abuse, it was non stop full on. 5 minutes before the driver was about to arrive, the whole situation changed. Please dont leave, begging, promises..As if a switch had been flicked, unbelievable! It was very tempting to stay, but i didnt, as i knew, soon as the driver had gone, the abuse would start all over again...I later found out he told the driver, a personal friend, colleague, that i was "going through a difficult stage and needed help and kindness"!! They just never stop, manipulating ..Well rid

Told my narcissistic husband of 40 years I was done with his BS, he bought me roses with a note “Let me Prove my love” he purchased clothes for me,which he’s never done EVER before and dropped off flowers for Mother’s Day! I haven’t received flowers like that from him But Once 38 years ago when our son was born. He keeps saying why can’t we just work on it, if I leave he’s just gonna die.

Bingo! Mine was a blackout alcoholic or so claimed to not remember almost killing me and I sent him to jail. This was 4 weeks after we married. He was in jail for 4 months and I allowed him to talk his way back. This was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made other than marriage with him. It only got worse and I kept taking him back and never understood it. I am free now, been separated 5 years and divorced 1 year. I learned a lot and am thankful for videos such as this. Thanks Ben. God Bless!😊

There’s no saying “I will try to sit in a chair”. You just sit! They ARE NOT trying

"the reason why at the end they do all the things you always wanted is because they always knew". ouchy. truth. needed to hear that today. thank you.

It's scary how he always perfected his cries every time i wanted to leave. They are trained con artists from their parents.

Thank you for clearing this up. Especially the part about image. It all comes together now. When I look back I remember how important image was to her. She didnt cared about me at all but all she cared about was image. These people are so fake. They dont have any personality of their own. Empty walking shells.

Mine had his attorney draw up doc to give me everything if he didn’t change. 27 years together, 2 marriages, too many affairs, control, manipulation. Out 1 1/2 yrs he is still hovering.

The Clash sang it best: Should I Stay or Should I Go.

I just want my emotional needs to be heard and met.

Omgosh, and again...Exactly!! This is what he did early on, via church, our lifestyle and him being the primary breadwinner whike i was the homemaker/stay at home mom of 5, he seemingly LOVED IT, all the while I would build him up to my kids our family. But these past 3 months, after 7 YEARS he slowly started showing his true colors at which time, I found out what he was (covert narcissist) he FLIPPED the script completely and is an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!! I wouldn't wish this on my WORST ENEMY!!

I have been trained with the push and pull. I deal with future faking all the time. I listen to him breaking up with me verbally as he walks around the house but never says it to my face. I struggle with this everyday as I grow stronger to make my final decision thank you Ben for all of your advice. And clarity

"Please be patient" is what I always got. While I waited 4 years for him to make a therapy appt. "You're my person" ✔️ All this guy has now is his pathetic "image".. glad I got out.

The narcissist gave up, and abandoned you from first time they met you! I’ve had this happen multiple times when my narcissist begged me to stay, and I looked them right in the eyes and told them “I’m done and will never look back”! I found it funny she wanted to go to counseling when I got the Order of Protection and forced her out of my house. “Oh now you can fix all the messed up behaviors”? Letting me know that she knew all along what crazy hurtful behaviors she was putting me through. I love me more than any Narc!

You're not alone. I went through all if the above.

It’s all perspective. As the victim, reacting badly, I didn’t have strategies to change because my therapist didn’t notice one of the wide range of symptoms that my husband was a narcissist. I wasn’t helped to learn about it abs to learn how to respond rather than react. Then while I “tried” to change my reaction I was accused of not changing and certainly this was used to accuse me of being the narcissist. After the discard, and now that I have educated myself I’ve been able to rewrite my story, go grey rock etc. thanks to ben and others. I don’t feel “therapy” is ever useful because it is mostly a place to “vent” rather than discuss strategies and understand how to shift your own mindset

That resonates so much. He gave up on me years ago. He hasn't been present in any way beyond a physical presence, since about 6 months into our 7 year journey. It makes me so sad to have it in perspective like that. He also used the phrase, you are still my person, last week. Thank you Ben. Your honesty is always amazing. Loving the Escape Toxicity course, I highly recommend. ❤

My soon to be ex just kept pushing me & pushing me to make him leave so he could blame everything on me!! Poor him ,because, in his words, I kicked him out! Now I am going through financial abuse & emotional bullying. No help with any of it!

i feel like the bad guy whenever i want to leave...

Going through that right now. I've said to myself "why change now?". 20 years of this and I'm so over it. I told my husband I need to leave and want to see true remorse. EVERYTHING you've said is SPOT ON, sir!!

My suspicions have been confirmed by you. It’s a large pill to swallow. Thanks Ben.

Lol he said i did what i could im like SERIOUSLY holy shit

Please also, not only in romantic relationships, friendships as well this happens.

This is very true my partner even lied she had stage 4 breast cancer when I caught her having an affair!

Coming after him so hè can be

Wow!! This video was explained very well. This was me in my relationship with my narcissistic husband. Ive in the middle of a divorce!! Thank you!!

I'm going through it right now. Your videos along with Lee Hammock made me open my eyes. Now once you see it you can't unsee it. I chose to leave the relationship once and for all. It was always on the edge of breaking up. I have borderline personality disorder and it made it sooo hard because I have a huge fear of abandonment. I thought a lot of my reactions when I would start to see what he truly was was me splitting. But the last thing he told me after driving me to the brink of insanity and exacerbating my BPD symptoms was that he hopes I get the therapy and help that I really need. He used my BPD as a weapon and as an excuse all the time and obviously refused to see that he was messed up.

I'm only 8 days free and this is how he was acting, even added he was scared I was going to run with the boys. I fled after he killed my oldest son's cats. Stand strong in the truth

Hey..people.! ..Don't even ever waste your time trying to come back to a norc or as a matter a fact- anyone !!..aspecialy if previously didn't work..! Is worth to take another try. There is 7 billion people out there( or now even more)!!.. best of luck! 💖!!

This was like hearing you tell my story. My husband’s go to anytime I questioned his honesty or had a different perspective he would tell me the marriage was over. I finally said enough and now he’s begging me back, promising he’s changing. Thank you for your message!

I have recently been discarded by a narcissist. It was 12 months of crazy up and downs. On-off etc. it started with her cheating on her husband, went through a phase where I was on the back burner until she left him. Then he still lived with her and I still went along. Finally he moved and we started a proper “relationship”. I say it like that because I’m hindsight it was clear that it never really was and I should have walked away at the very beginning but it was as if I was in a daze. The 12 months went like this; I’d get a glimpse of the real her and walk away for her to love bomb me and pull me back in. Then when I had nothing left and was depressed and didn’t even have the energy to walk away, I told her I need space while I figure out what’s wrong with me. I believed there was something wrong with me because that’s what she told me. She broke up and ghosted me. In retrospect I can see the decline and change in her towards the end. She was devaluing me while simultaneously re-idealising her husband to my face. I’m also pretty sure she was also lining up my replacement of not already seeing someone, who may have been her husband but likely someone else altogether.

Thank you. U have no idea how much you have helped me get through this difficult time of my life.

Everything you say is exactly what’s going on in my life.

He allways said I'm trying or I really tried. He didn't. Not even once.

I absolutely admire and apauld you for actually using your narsasist perception you flipped the negative because I sometimes feel like an expert living with someone for 20 years like that its mentally draining physically they can take your spirit if you let them ! Its like I know exactly what his behaviour is now better than he does educating yourself is key and to listen to you and know and confirm for me personally what I belived had been happening this alone has given me sanity back seriously I have just discovered you and have spent the whole night listening to all your on point advice and amazing information people need to know life skills to deal and eqip yourselves narsassists will acuse you of playing games when in reality your just trying to live life but to get away you actually and sadly end up playing the game just to escape this is a phonemal informative channel and should be shown in schools because pervention is key and would both ways x

These videos are so helpful for me to understand and see that I am not who she says I am... Thank you for helping me begin to heal.

This is so spot on! I left my narcissist while he was away in a business trip, when he came home I had take all my things and left him a letter. That was April. It’s now just About 5 months later and I can say I went no contact but he still tries to call and text with important things like he found my passport, but I just continue to ignore it……. (My passport expires this year anyway)………Im already so happy! It was immediate relief though, the minute I left in my heart. Don’t ignore your gut feelings!!!! I knew week 1 something was off! But managed to stay 3.5 years, move into his house, raise his 2 sons (kids made it so much harder!)

Every bit of what you discussed is exactly what I experienced Thankfully the divorce was final last week

So true all of it!! I experienced the whole scenario when I -after 22 years of marriage - finally got to the conclusion I had to leave him, because I was so almost non-existing/not alive inside…There was so little left of the person I really am, that I had to be what others might see as “the bad guy” leaving the fine house we build up together,, garden, dog - and 3 children who where so old, they themselves could decide where to stay (but strongly felt they should be with him) I think he kind of told them I was mentally ill (I was excausted yes, and had at that time anxiety, headaches etc…)

I went through that with my ex boyfriend.. he always said to me I’m trying I’m trying .. and they are the worst liers.. my ex just found out he is a narcissist and social path.. I broke up with him last week.. I’m still in the grieving process but healing

All of this has happened to me.

He has been going to the neighbors. Spinning a sob story of oh I think she's going to leave me. She thinks I'm cheating and I'm not. Funny thing is the neighbors came to me and told me this. Yet my narc swears he doesn't talk to anyone. He was searching for pills. And I didn't confront him I just wanted to see how well he would lie. He complained about not feeling well and I said oh did you find some pills that made you sick? He looked confused. " No what do you mean. I don't go looking for pills. I don't talk to anyone." I remained unresponsive and said ok. He is a snake.

Omg!!! This is so sad yet spot on for my life 😢

I don't think it's image as much as just not having other supply. The narc I knew would handle any of my threats to break up by simply going to one of his other two mistresses. He would become momentarily attentive but I got the sense he didn't seem devastated about the idea because in his mind he had other options and supply. But once we all learned about each other and the other two women swore him off for good, he focused on me as though I was his mother, father, wife, lover, best friend, god. When I started moving on, he'd show up at my house with food, try to seduce me, do anything he could just to get a conversation. His desperation was profound. His image had already been ruined with all of his friends (one of his mistresses was from a friend group back home) and he didn't have any other options. I became god to him. Too bad for him I understood he was a psychopath and wouldn't let him back in. Image didn't matter as much as having supply.

You are not alone...

The bottom line..... is once you decode what you are dealing with , the recovering journey should begin and it should be fast.

I’m in process of divorce and he is asking me to stay until he retires. After watching your videos that gives me clarity of a narcissistic husband.

This is one of the most helpful informational videos 💜 Thankyou for sharing. Everything mentioned here has been extremely accurate. I would add that in my own experience with several different types from significant others, relatives to friends and coworkers as well as friends… they all use a “mimic tactic “ similar to mirroring however more calculating and more intense when they know you are past you limits. They begin to act like you, talk like you, copy verbatim exactly EVERYTHING you have ever tried to communicate with them about their behaviors, feelings and whole aspects of your entire personality and being. One of the most devastatingly, psychologically impaired things I have witnessed. If there is a video you could provide elaborate examples and details on this, it would be incredibly helpful and appreciated.💜💜💜

Fish 🐟 tank was perfect 👌❣️☘️

Definitely true, the begging.

I’m going through this right now, my narcissistic husband is promising me he will go to therapy now let’s go to talk to priest he loves me why don’t I want to give him a chance he loves me So much

what if 2 narcissists are in a relationship and abuse eachother? if you've never covered this it could be an interesting video

I believe your words, Ben. ❤

I can’t believe he was a narcissist 😮

Thank you.

mine has been mentioning things like these in heated arguments lately when I would call him out on his lack of empathy or not willing to do recover/growing or be emotionally safe ......- He'd say ----- we shouldn't have ever got married....or ....why do you even to work on this, you never really liked me anyway.....or.... I am sure there is some older guy would like you..... or ...I let go of some people because of you.... or...I am committed to this relationship, so it's up to you what you want to do (while he is doing bare minimum to change).... Is he saying that because he wants me to leave? When I brought up that it's not working out, he started arguing that we shouldn't give up on things, it's like he doesn't do deep work on himself, and seems to just wait for me to make a decision, but when I bring up divorce, he acts like he doesn't want that to happen..... confusing

It’s crazy making in the highest degree!!!!

Words are cheap sometimes ☘️

God im so happy i never chased him 😂 thank you jesus

I just broke up with my NPD fiance. It's dang hard. So much to learn. Question I have: Is a mother who only gave their daughter attention and support when they were struggling and having difficulty especially emotionally, and was critical of you when you had successes, a narcissist? I think I may have been raised by a narcissistic mother. Can any one please comment? Reply

He begged me to stay after I caught him having a 2 1/2 mth affair, and then again 6 mths later I caught him having phone conversations and texting one of his ex girlfriends.

Yes, all of this has happened to me and I am really done this time , I’m divorcing him I now he’s never going to change he really doesn’t care this will be the 4th divorce and I’m to go through it

Omg hell yes

It all happend

💯percent

The smear campaign was well put in long time ago she reverse discarded me to save her image as the good person she treat me so bad to make me leave

OK. If you're a change person that used to be a narcissist....... what help would you recommend for a narcissist that's trying to be better?

Mean evil 😈

You are not alone. So damn confusing.

his answer was always no, even for the small things. he would say just say what you want or make a decision and when i did, he disagreed. and my choices could only include (his name) approved activities or restaurants etc.

Thank you.