Navigating Professional Envy, Sharing Expenses With A New Partner, & Starting Over At 40: Q&A 

Coming from a city infested with AirBnBs, I always advocate for hotels. They generate more jobs, they're safer, and they're a lot less scammy.

I was the one who asked the question about professional envy. I appreciate your responses - equal parts thoughtful and “Snap out of it!” a la Cher. You are correct that I am chasing a desire for a title or headline or something that declares to the world that I am successful in a way that, yes, matters more to others than to me. Pay commensurate with my experience and skillset is also what I am seeking. I *do* need to digitally mute some of these people. You are spot on there. Though one of the people with a book deal is an old and close friend and I am thrilled for him, even as you correctly guessed that it is a really tortured experience for him and he says he never wants to do it again. I am also helping to quietly edit it - which is making me happier than anything else I am doing now and is a really good reminder to me that I still have professional value and skills (I have a job that has nothing to do with this kind of work). You have given me a lot to process. Many thanks from a stranger/longtime follower on RU-vid. ❤

I went to UVM too (free tuition & lived at home). I studied history and Russian. I loved my classes, I learned a ton, learned how to think analytically and write well. Now I work in IT. But because I didn't go into debt for university, it was worth it for me even though I don't use my degree at work.

I get the envy thing being in my 40s making the same income I made 20 years ago when I chose to leave corporate. The number one thing at this point is that I simply wish people to find happiness. It is true that a lot of people with big titles, big money, big vacations, are either miserable or super trapped. If someone happens to have the perfect balance, with a great income, and fantastic health, then I am starting to find Joy for them rather than envy at them. I know we are all two seconds away from any health disaster which helps offset some shame I have had with chronic illness that interfered with my entrepreneurial journey. I highly recommend big existential crisis. They're really Unfun while you're in the middle of them, but getting to the other side is really awesome.

I clicked on the title so quickly. I feel behind in my career as well, to the point that I no longer participate in my career support group. It's not that I'm envious, I'm happy for their success, it more of a I neee to get it together. 😔

I agree on professional bitterness. So many people I see and know on LinkedIn just makes me mad because from encounters at work with them, I know they are undeserving of it from the way they work.

Chelsea: we have been trying to get RU-vidrs with ADHD for years to no avail Me: yes they have ADHD 😂

Also Chelsea- I really appreciate that your reiterate that when someone is doing something you don't approve of, but it has no impact on you, you should just get over it and move on. I tend to be a critical person, and I have thought of you + this point many times to stop myself from getting caught in a mental spiral over whatever boneheaded decision a friend or family member recently made.

Loved this ufiltered episode. Thank you for being honest bout Career Envy and muting people. It's silly that no one has encouraged this more. What a co-worker from 5 years ago is doing on IG shouldn't be any of my business. I wish them well and mute most people's life updates.

+500 points to this episode for including a photo of the cats

In Netherlands cities like Amsterdam have restricted the number of days one can Airbnb their apartment. It’s max 90 days. Think more cities need to do this. Professional envy is quite difficult. I do look at some people from my class who weren’t super smart and got opportunities because of their connections. It takes a couple of deep breaths to realize that person doesn’t give a shit about me.

Always love your videos and insight! I’m a Therapist who has ADHD - Happy to help any way I can ☺️

What a gorgeous purple dress!

Great episode! I agree with the advice you gave about the young woman seeking validation and put people on mute on social media 😅 it does work! When you’re content with your job and getting paid decently you don’t need validation from others. I’m like that right now, I recently got a raise and work from home and my work life balance is absolutely heavenly and I don’t give a crap about a job title or status. My biggest priority in life is to have a healthy work life balance which I didn’t have for years before my current position.

With the 'friends too frugal' question. it seems like an odd assumption to me. Maybe the friends are poor or have financial commitments. It sounds to me like the person wants to hang out with their friends having drinks or brunch or dinner in restaurants (obviously a lovely thing to do) but their friends have other priorities.

Your aunt went to med school at 40??? That is amazing! Please do an ep on her journey or on someone similar who has completely starting over at 40. Or maybe on who hadn't been smart with their career/school/money while they were younger and are are starting over/learning theses things for the first time at 40.

I’d like to suggest Dr. Sasha Hamdani for the ADHD collab! She’s a psychiatrist with ADHD and just put a book out recently.

I love every single time that Chelsea unearths another gem from her past life

I find navigating professional envy a lot easier when you actually have some incremental success. I remember when almost everyone I know was getting their first entry level jobs and I wasn't going anywhere. I felt like such a loser and started to doubt the choices in my life. With some encouragement from friends and family, I just kept on working to succeed and eventually landed my first entry level job. Even though I see my people doing way better than me, I just don't care that much or at all because at least I'm actually working and achieving my goals.

I love this video so much! Sometimes I do think about my friends jobs, and how much they've accomplished in a short amount of time, which makes me sad as it's taken me longer. They're younger than me too. But my friends and I are pretty open about our finances and goals and they always remind me I'm doing a good job, and I say the same to them. We never put each other down about our financial differences and actually help one another by educating ourselves, listening to ideas to reach financial goals and other things. I love that this video shows stuff like this in a positive light.

My rent just went up by $500, approx 30%. Omg... seriously need a hug.

16:00 The youtuber rant doesn't surprise me at all 😆 If they're successful and never face social or financial consequences for anti-social behavior, they can easily lose touch on how to interact with empathy. Most of us grow out of it because we do face those consequences. I have definitely no-called-no-showed for a min wage job in my 20s and felt bad about it later 😂

AirBnBs are such a wide spectrum of options. It's very hard to compare it to a hotel stay just as a blanket statement. It really depends on what you're wanting out of the experience. There are a lot of situations where a hotel can make more sense, be more convenient, and potentially even be cheaper. On the other hand, sometimes you can get a small AirBnB situation that suits your needs and saves some money, but yeah, you have to watch what the hosts do and don't provide and do and don't charge for. The one time I've done an entire house AirBnB was when my family traveled for my brother's wedding and we booked a house for eight of us to stay in together. That was handy since we all needed to be at the same places at the same times on that trip, so coordinating was easier and we probably did save money over having to book several hotel rooms. But otherwise, I've never needed a whole house. And if you're just renting a room or a backyard building or something, you can be a little more careful about whether you're choosing a place regular people own and live at and are renting out for side income as opposed to a property-grabbing gentrification situation. But hotels have quite a lot included in the price, and again, depending on what you're needing from the trip, that can be really nice and cost-effective.

I loved this casual conversation! Great guest🎉 and nailed a bunch if subjects i.e. gentrification of Mexico city , carrer envy, bravo!!

Starts at 10:35. She talks about her smoothie, the guest, and then there's a hit and run ZocDoc ad. They promote TFD book club, segueing into what their husband's read, and her cats.

Linkedin became a " professional " facebook, useleas posts and people showing off their new titles and attendance to events...😑 at least my feed !!

It makes sense that the adhd RU-vidrs are hard to get a hold of. 😂 I have adhd and so does my husband. Would love a video on it. ❤

I think the host of How to ADHD might be open to collaring with y’all

I would really appreciate videos featuring/for neurodivergent people!

I read Wheel of Time in middle and high school lol (and in college, because that is when it finished). I read a lot of fantasy and gay romances.

While I don't think degrees should be required for most jobs, I do still think if someone has one then that should be taken into account for their job application.

There's the one million subscribers plaque!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

For me l didn’t realize some people expect the other person to pick up the check if they ask the other person out for a date. When I was in college I was really poor - on food stamps and Medicaid - and there was a nearby restaurant that had $5-15 sushi. I had gone to that restaurant for years with friends and we usually only got one entree if we had money or one $5-15 sushi. I had asked a woman out on a date who also was in college and didn’t have a lot of money. I’m also a woman. I never ordered tons of food at restaurants because I was broke so I assumed others didn’t do that either. We get there and she ordered two entrees, tea, soda, and an appetizer. I had water and the $5 sushi. Then when the check comes, she tells the waiter that Loventa will cover it. I’m like, “Oh?” And she’s like, “You asked me out.” And I was like, “Oh.” And so I covered the bill and it took all of my money from my bank account. It was a $55 bill plus needed to add tip and I had $70 in my bank account to last for the next two weeks until I got paid. I was so frustrated for assuming someone would cover their own bill if they were ordering so many things especially when the other person on the date is ordering so little. I couldn’t afford groceries for the next 2 weeks after that and had just a loaf of bread for that time until I got paid next. I was so dumb. Also it annoyed me seeing her only take a sampling of all that food she ordered and not finish it, then have them throw it away when we left. Then when she took me out on a date, we had gone to a bar and she got us $2 appetizers and water. Then she said we were even. I was like ????? After that I was always upfront and said I wanted to pay for my own food and they pay for theirs before the date. I was taught a lesson with that one date.

I find it very fitting that it’s hard to get hold of an person with adhd. The burden of collaboration and details is just so much sometimes but I’m really good at it if it’s interesting and not a Mary go round of nothing

The purple dress is beautifully on you. The color is great 😊

Here for the pics, also I think of Kylie saying Sttoorrmmyyy

What about Emily D Baker? She is super vocal about her adhd and killing it in the youtube game

The bare knuckle bastards series was amazing!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

There's a youtuber who has ADHD she has two RU-vid channels. 1: the avocado toast budget, which talks about her journey with money and gives you tips on how to save and 2: lexa rae reads, which gives you books that she reads.

Came for Chelsea. Stayed for the smoothy, lol. It depends on where I am going, how long, and why. I read all the fine print before booking an airbnb. I don't care to take my own sheets, but I will NOT deep clean the house. I definitely won't deep clean and pay a fee to have it done. Of course you need to be a tidy and respectful guest, but you should be doing the same in a hotel.

I used to keep confusing Holly with Lauren. It helps to see what Holly looks like 👍

The Wheel of Time is totaly worth it.

The How to ADHD channel would be awesome!

Psychology of money is awesome

19:26 I don’t want anyone “sharing” info about money with me. I’m good! You never know who watches what and unless I ask, I’m good! When I ask, free game.

VRBO went through a re-brand a couple of years ago. They changed the pronunciation to “Verbo”

I love your purple! All of it!

I start my mondays with this podcast and it's the best to beging a work day.

18:00 onwards - basically Chelsea says 'Good for you but mind the business that pays you!'

Awesome episode! 👏👏❤

Reach out to Prof Nancy Doyle who is ADHD and also one of the leading specialists in the field

I never go on LinkedIn except the bare minimum. It turns me into a comparison monster, and I hate it. So....big old mute.

Cheers to epic fantasy! Wheel of Time was incredible!!

Here’s voting for a TFD and a Bad with Money crossover talking about mental health and money. I’d love to see Gabe and Chelsea in the same room, talking about money, and creating compassionate shows teaching people about money.

Please contact Jess of how to ADHD! She is fantastic and is writing a book about adhd

Been trying to get ahold of an ADHD RU-vidr...to no avail. Hahahahha that's so on theme tho

I'm sorry but telling people it's good to lie about having a degree is kind of gross and irresponsible. You can think whatever you want about the degree requirement (and to some extent I agree that a BA is basically useless when it comes to a lot of jobs), but it's still not right to lie. Intentionally deceiving for the purpose of financial gain is called fraud and as someone with a real degree (and a law degree at that), that can potentially be very serious. People have gotten into real trouble for lying about having a degree that they don't have to get a job. I'm glad it worked out fine for you, but it's frankly shocking to hear you casually mention it and paint it as a good thing. This is not legal advice, just my opinion.

hold up, at the 38th minute mark, did she say it's ok to lie about getting a degree when applying for jobs? If you try to do that for any corporate job, that will back fire. Corporations will do back around checks and thorough ones at that and will check with your university and prior employers to make sure what you put down is legit.

I‘m not open to talk to friends about my income, let alone how I can afford things, my husband and I are very money smart, let‘s say almost frugal. We have one friend couple who always had a bit of money but were real big spenders. So every months they had barely any money. Years passed and he suddenly earns about 100k a year but still, they are so careless with money - a leased Porsche, a huge house without down payment. And now she wants to sit at home to have a third kid. Not going to critizise those friends, Not going to share my tips. If people are older than 35 I think they should be able to think on their own, that some lifestyle is not sustainable…

Change cat name to Tempestuous

What company does her husband work at? That’s my next career goal

Horror story on Airbnb and how I lost almost $1,500: Airbnb has two types of rentals, short term (less than 28 days), and long term (more than 28 days). If you cancel on a long term rental, the cancellation policy shown in your reservation is not valid, and the cancellation policy of the FAQ of Airbnb is valid, which leads to you being charged for the whole reservation amount. If you are looking for ways to say I was wrong for cancelling, here are more details: 1) I cancelled before the deadline given in my reservation, 2) I cancelled hree additional days later than I needed because I felt it wasn't fair to cancel immediately, 3) Airbnb releases the room for rental immediately after cancellation so somebody else can book it and I believed 3 days was fair warning, 4) I spoke face to face with the landlord and explained my situation of having moved across the states as a recent graduate and finding housing after learning abiut a city nearby, 5) And didn't misuse ot trash the place, and 6) I didn't ask for a full refund, I asked for a partial refund following the policy explained in my reservation. I deleted Airbnb after that and now I'm only dealing directly with hostels/hotels. I'd rather sleep at the airport floor as a single person than ever so business with Airbnb.