5 Little Ways I Was Sabotaging Myself Without Realizing It 

#1: 3:40 Judging Myself On The Process Rather Than The Outcome #2: 7:18 Having Very Unhealthy Following Habits #3: 10:05 Sharing Things Before I'm Sure About Them #4: 12:40 Holding People to the Standards I Created for Them #5: 14:43 Overvaluing The Opinions Of People Who Don't Matter

The morning people topic reminds me of the busy life topic. I was raised to believe that the busier you are, the better you are. And if you aren’t busy with work/school/cleaning/organizing/volunteering/caretaking, then you are lazy. I decided years ago that I hate being busy and I like down time. I need down time. I’m not going to be on the go 24/7. I will have time to just watch tv or nap.

Sadly, the world revolve around morning people. As a fellow night owl, forced to start work at 8;30, my misery is immense till around noon.

The last one hits different. I made a list of people whose opinions I care about a while ago and, more recently, I realized how important it can be to refine that list. I go to my mom for a LOT of opinions on things - I love her dearly, and she's lived a rich life full of experiences that I can learn from. But as I've gotten older, I realized that there are aspects of my life where her opinions should carry much less weight for me. Specifically, in terms of my career. My mom is a Career Woman and is fully willing to go to work sick, to deal with sexual harassment, and will stay in a terrible situation rather than get a new job because it "looks bad" to switch jobs. I've stayed in really toxic situations because I've taken her advice, and as I get a better footing when it comes to "adulting", I've realized that you have the power to be (and SHOULD be) selective, even in relationships with people whose opinions you value and trust on many other fronts.

Im SO glad that you mentioned the morning thing! As a neuroscientist and researcher, I'm baffled that this even happens in labs, since we KNOW (or should know) that there are scientific publications showing that most people are NOT build to do that, and that in no way should be a marker of success or superiority. Thank you!

Immediately liked when you said "that should be illegal" lol our classes also started in high school at 7:20 am. INSANE.

The morally superior morning person thing is so true! I’m naturally an early sleeper and riser and in college one of my roommates was a natural night owl… she would go to the library around 11pm when I was going to sleep and would come back around 2-3am everyday. She had planned her class schedule around her sleep pattern and it was never an issue for my sleep pattern BUT every weekday morning she would set her alarm for 8:30am, snooze it for an hour and then finally wake up around 9:30am COMPLETELY stressed! It was hard to watch because even though she had set up her schedule to accommodate her needs, didn’t miss out of any social activities because of her sleep pattern, and got good grades, she still felt really guilty that wasn’t a morning person.

Studies in multiple cities have shown that when school time starts later there is a drop in all cause mortality. This is specifically related to teenage driving deaths

Part-time university lecturer here. This video helped me realise that I was doing the same thing: pressuring myself to work in the mornings I don't have classes, even when all of my stuff is prepared, and feeling badly about myself for not doing anything more "productive." Maybe my "Coffee and Contemplation" mornings are the most sanity-saving (and therefore productive) thing I can do.

It's crazy how we can be our own worst enemy without even realizing it. Thanks for being transparent about it!

This a great video. My husband is similar to you, he’s more productive later in the day after going to bed around 12-1:00am. After a sleep study, it found his REM sleep to be in the early morning hours. I know someone, who uses the “morning person” thing to judge others. I find it actually cruel. We are all not the same and should not be judged in such a trivial way.

as a morning person, I can assure you that I have no morning ritual besides waking up, washing my face and eating breakfast. the only reason I love waking up early is because I am more productive from 7am to 11am. after clock strikes 1pm, I'm letarghic, no exception. i never understood people who wake up early and create elaborate morning rituals - good on them, but I could never.

This was so well timed for me. Im a night owl and I have been trying desperately to figure out how to get up early and do things and then feel like shit when I can't. I'm now going to shift those expectations and do those things at night before I go to bed instead. Thank you for posting!!

1. Judging self on the process rather than the outcome 2. Very unhealthy following habits (social media) 3. Sharing things before I’m sure about them 4. Holding people to the standards YOU create for them 5. Overvaluing the opinions of people who don’t matter

As a former high school teacher, I agree 100% with you about the mornings. It was one of the many, many reasons I left the profession. I was exhausted all the time. The students were miserable. The first block of classes were worthless because half my students were asleep or low functioning. It is insane that they make students do that. During Covid, they even made us come in earlier. I had to check in by 6:15am. My own kids who are both teenagers suffer because of the early hours. High school early start times is one of the most ridiculous things our society does. It's shooting ourselves in the foot.

OFFTTTT number 4 hit hard. Immaculate advice, as always.

I’m what I call a reluctant night owl. My body prefers to stay up and sleep in, but I’ve noticed that my mood is better when I’m up early after a good night’s rest. I no longer feel as guilty for being a night owl, but I kind of resent that my favorite time of day is often missed because my body won’t cooperate.

Loved this video. Can second the point about social media. Can’t tell you the number of times I was asked “did you see such-and-such’s post?” and answered “no, I mostly follow dog accounts.” I only follow accounts that make me feel good nowadays, and it’s been great for my mental health.

That point about not setting expectations for friends/relationships in terms of how you'd change them, that really spoke to me but not for the obvious reason. I lost a friendship because I wasn't in a place where I could change to be what she wanted/needed and she felt it was healthier for her to cut me out rather than accept me for who I was and what I was going through at the time. I miss what I thought our friendship was dearly but therapy has helped me immensely. Still makes me sad when I look back but she also wanted me to be someone I'm not and that's a her problem, not me. Thank you for sharing Chelsea & team!

uffff that first one. Our school (Switzerland) started at the same time (7.20) and I wasn't even able to get the certificate to go to uni because I am a morning person. I had to go back to evening school when I was 21 to get it and was only able to start Uni at 24. I'm not dumb, it just wasn't my schedule. .

Having confidence when having a platform on social media is incredible. People are brutal on line in a way then would never be IRL. I catch myself wanting to be like by people who are toxic and cruel. I kind of slap myself and remind myself they are not nice people. It is an amazing skill to learn whose opinions you take on board and consider and whose are not worth the time of day. As is get older my mantra is life is to short for this.

For the fashion question, I grew up homeschooled and frankly pretty frumpy in hand-me-downs. It took me a while to figure out my fashion, but finding celebrities whose clothes I liked help me a lot and so did spending a lot of time wandering around Goodwill, trying stuff on and seeing what jumped out at me.

Number 1's a big one for me. I also have delayed sleep phase onset/night owl tendencies and diurnalism can suck a lot when 12 am-8 am/2 am-10 am are my preferred sleeping hours. It plays a part in why I vie for self-employment, but I understand that most people and businesses run on an earlier clock and that can be a trade-off with sleeping and waking at later hours.

Night owl here and every time you talk about I'm 👏👏👏👏. Thank you!!!

I’m obsessed with this video! I find that social media has caused so many people to put themselves into boxes and contort themselves to fit within a specific niche, thus causing so much unnecessary pressure. I feel lucky bc I got 2 college degrees in communication and consume media from a distanced lens while being fully aware that this is in fact JUST CONTENT that someone put online and likely has no real impact on your quality of life. But so many people deal with the unnecessary pressures of thinking they have to emulate what some random person online calls “adulting” or” productivity” and then criticize themselves because they can’t sustain the same routine (that the creator likely doesn’t practice themselves on a daily basis!). I hope more people - women especially - come across videos like this and realize that the highest form of adulting is organizing and executing a routine that works for them, allows them to thrive as an individual, and helps them experience peace and joy in their daily lives.

And this excellent point 7:18 is why I left FB and IG years ago! Best decision ever!

Good point when it comes to social media. Plenty of decent people with blind spots when it comes to their sharing habits. To mute is to love.

I can't believe I'm watching this, sitting on the couch, having procrastinated everything I wanted to do today. Well, at least I procrastinated with sewing and embroidering

Doing much better from when I started watching this channel in 2021. Deleted all social media, got into therapy, saw doctors for ADHD, stopped thinking of the past and learned to open my own eyes again. Learned how to check in with myself, something I could do but somehow forgot in the last decade

When you make more money you can delegate things to others you trust or outsource the work. That creates an environment for you to then choose what’s important and most crucial for you and your family.

Funnily enough a few of these line up with my new years life adjustments. 1) adjust my expectations of people and events (both up and down) depending on situations 2) look for more opportunities for intrinsic motivation.

Having grown up in a Military family, I feel like "discipline and order" were a double-edged sword. Sometimes it gave you the structure, but sometimes the excessive "rules for no reason" (like: be sure to make your bed with hospital corners) just got in the way. When. I grew up, I essentially had to "de-program" myself of a lot of assumptions and beliefs that were just plain inapplicable to my situation and that were not helpful for me.

I'm a naturally more nocturnal person and love that I now have a career where I mostly start and end my day later, which works so much better for me, my productivity, and effectiveness 🤗🙏🏽

I also left secondary school with meh grades, but in the UK how many GCSE's you have (subjects you pass) still haunts you 5, 10 , 20 years later when youre trying to get a job. It's like, i was severely depressed and sleep deprived when I took those exams, not to mention a child...and yet I'm a fully adult woman still having to answer for her medicority lmaoo

Chelsea, thank you so much for this video. I’m in the midst of a quarter life crisis and your wisdom has provided some much needed comfort.

God I hated school starting so early because I almost always had a math class within my first three class periods where I was still too tired to stay awake. I barely passed those classes, but the few times I had an afternoon math class, my grades were so much higher.

I always appreciate the honesty in these conversations! Also, congrats on reaching 1 million TFD followers!!

Number four! I'm very aware that I do this, they say awareness is the first step towards change so I'm hopeful. You spoke about it so well and I really appreciate your candor.

My high school also started first period at 7:17am. During certain parts of the year the bus would get to school before the sun came up

One thing for me was the pressure to read books! I am not a reader and have never enjoyed reading and used to beat myself up over the fact that I didn’t like reading but then I just started listening to audio books instead and now I love books! I also completely shifted my entire social media and made it a point to favourite 50 accounts that promote self healing, positivity, and balanced living and unfollow and toxic gossip pages. I also deleted every other social media and only use RU-vid, Instagram, and Reddit, and sometimes LinkedIn for professional stuff. All the other apps were mind numbing

Number 5 is a big one. Went back and listened to that one for my own wellbeing

Pls, Chelsea, make a video with social commentary on Love is Blind. It would be such a treat! 😊

Helpful video, great advice. Chelsea, thank you so much for this video. We appreciate the transparency very much.

I've the exact same circadian rhythm 2am bed, 10am wake up

Australia school starts 8.45am.

This is so relatable! Especially on the morning person and sugar points. Thank you for sharing!

I am gobsmacked that you started school at 7.15. There are studies showing that teenagers need more sleep and later starts and when implemented there is less truancy and higher grades. I was always a night owl but more recently have discovered that magic quiet peaceful time early in the morning. The reality is when I allow myself to naturally adjust I like waking 7 to 7.30.

I feel like one thing that Chelsea only quickly alluded to, but didn't really elaborate on, was when you have people in your life who have power over you who you have to listen to, but you don't willingly allow in your life, such as your employer or other specific types of professional connections. It's possible that she might not even be particularly good at addressing that, since she's a long-time entrepreneur, but I would like to hear more perspective on managing feedback and opinions from places where you don't have a (meaningful) choice but to listen. (Of course, you can "just quit" your job, but I tend to not be that flippant with suggesting that, since I'm not the one who has to pay their rent or put food on their table.)

Love what you said about judging others. I admire people in my life what are honest and don’t kid themselves. I love the reminder about accepting others just as they are ❤

Hey Chelsea! I haven’t seen you in so long! Thanks for being here.

I think with social settings it is reversed that night owls are seen more positive. E.g. If you don't want to go clubbing until 3 in the morning you are seen as lame. Going to bed at 21:30 is seen wierd

My ideal, sleep at 10pm and wake 630. As I matured I did move from night owl to morning person. Also enjoy sugar and do not worry about it as I live in Europe and too much to enjoy.

hey! my school, was the same thing! I liked it though. I'm one of those morning people

Your chronotype is the same as mine. It’s so hard having a 9-5 then also kids. During when I’m my most productive I’m busy feeding putting kids to bed. Shrug.

Wow I am so glad I watched this, I was making notes while watching. Many golden rules in there that more people should know about, thanks

Wow this video shot right to the core of the internal self work I’ve been doing (in therapy - go therapy!). Thank you for sharing this - I need to remember these lessons

Can you make a video on how you made all that changes to your social media use and also how to cut down on your screen time?

I went through my social media accounts earlier this year and streamlined who/what I was seeing on my feed. I found myself comparing my life to people I didn’t even know. And let’s be honest, most of what we see isn’t even real.

Thank you for getting a patreon. I didn’t want an additional account attached to RU-vid but as someone who uses patreon this is a much easier decision

Night owls unite! My whole life I’ve always been more productive later in the day. I refuse to schedule work meetings (when I’m leading) before 10:00am. It’s frustrating feeling the pressure to be an early bird. The only time I can wake up at the butt crack of dawn without feeling sick to my stomach is to catch a red eye to vacation. 🏝️

I really needed to hear this, thank you. 💜

Your philosophy with clothes is so similar to Daria Andronescu from the wonder wardrobe. I would actually love to see her being interviewed

"objectively deranged" hahahaha --I have totally related to people like that earlier in my life. So many reasons for this (including growing up in a Christian cult where that behavior is promoted), but with maturity and longer term relationships I grew to accept and enjoy people as they are. Thanks for sharing this, though, it just puts it into rather stark relief in a good way :)

I just discovered your videos and now I am a big fan ❤

Thanks for sharing these!! We appreciate the transparency SO much! 😍

I’ve set app limits on my phone for social media - the two of them get 30 minutes a day and that’s it. It’s been great for me. (Although the past week or so, I have ignored the app limit to read all the Love Is Blind tweets, which has been SO ENTERTAINING 😁)

I’m so excited you launched a Patreon! No offense but I’ve been super frustrated with RU-vid membership portal. It’s just bad UI from RU-vid, but absolutely love TFD. Will be making the switch asap

My high school bell rang at 6:50 SHARP. if you weren't in home room by then you were marked as "late" if you were late three times, you had dentition. Let's just say, I'm permanently a morning person.

Seven-figure company -- good for you! I remember when the channel was smaller 😁

Starts at 03:40

I really need to do the social media thing, that would probably help me mentally. Side note, I love your necklace! Where is it from?

One of your best, thank you.

Great advice, I wish I'd learned this perspective sooner ❤

I’ve heard that scientifically more creative people tend to be night owls, than early birds. I’ve also heard that critical thinking is more easily done in the morning and more creative thinking, is done in the afternoon when our brains have kind of warmed up and loosened up for the day. I think understanding our own biological rhythms, and figuring out what works best for ourselves is fascinating. I think many people, though think that they are night owls just because they have a bad habit of going to bed too late and not being able to get up because of the cycle of poor sleep.

I worked evenings and overnights in healthcare for several years and people judge it as lazy I’m not functional before 8. Well, there was shift differential and there was less stress working evenings. Someone had to do it. Overnights were the worst though. People would act like I could just do a nap.

The external/internal validation piece needs to be said loud and often. We need both and it’s a continuum, not binary. Amen Chelsea!!!

This is a great video

My body probably works around the same sleeve schedule that works for chelsea. But I find myself staying up even later simply because I don't want to get up at 6:00

What is with all these wannabe singers on every single trash reality dating show? It is to the point where if anyone mentions that they sing, wrote a song, or pulls out a guitar I fast-forward.

Seriously have to agree with the sleep schedule comments! I have the like basically latest you can be without being on a graveyard shift sleep rhythm naturally. My body generally wants to go to be between 3/4am and get up by around 10am (yes, my body kind if maxes out at 6/6.5 hours, often I feel my absolute best on 4.5-5 hours 🙃) and even though I worked nights through college my family would tell me I was "sleeping in" if i didn't get up before 9:30 after going to bed between 4 and 7am depending on how long it took to unwind. A roommate of mine was known to mock me over it too 😒 I don't understand how people couldn't just do the math on things. I've definitely decided that as I move forward in my career I'm going to be carving out space for my sleep schedule and making people have to adjust to a slightly delayed timeline. If they can moralize their biological sleep patterns then damnit so can I.

Thank you for calling out the far end of the "I don't care what people think" spectrum. It always bothers me to hear that advice. We should care what SOME people think, especially if they have good insights we cant see like an editor, or an expert who can guide is on a better way of doing things. I like how you framed it as caring about what people think, but people who have value in your life

Hannah Louise Poston made a good video about finding personal style and the advice applies irrespective of style preferences

As relatable as this video was, the most relatable part was the horror when a Love is Blind person whips out an instrument 😂

One of the downfalls of social media is how easy it is to create an echo chamber. We grow when we listen to and tolerate different ideas. Allowing other opinions to exist, without casting judgement, is a marker of well adjustment. I challenge you to engage with the content that brings something up for you. Ask why. Try to see what you can learn from the other perspective

I love this. Also very curious where your collared print shirt at the end is from?

Honestly I feel very frustrated to with how society is set up around morning people as well. I also fall asleep around 12 or 1 and until.I started working from home I was coming into work on 5 hours of sleep. I may still not be on my natural cycle of sleep even now (still waking up an hour or so earlier than my body likes but it's much better than 3 hours earlier), but being closer to it has helped immensely.

You should make a video about how important is to be childfree for personal development (I know that's something you've talked about previously but I just think that's the capstone to make it all) besides, that's a topic that cannot be stressed enough

Number 3 hits me hard!

I had zero hour in HS and had to be there at 6:40am and you're right I used to fall asleep in class. Though I will say my current scenario is awful because I keep waking up at noon (which my job doesn't have set hours) but I'm trying to find a good balance between early AM because once you wake up too late it feels like half the day is gone, but otherwise I agree not everyone is made to be morning people and I called BS on people who get 4 hours of sleep per night, I feel like people do that 3-4 nights per week then crash hard or have times to nap during the day. Anyway I think the HS thing is why I'm absolutely fine with later school start times which literally only got set because of adult jobs so parents could drop their kid off at school, but we need a compromise.

Awesome video Chelsea. Thanks for sharing. Also, I hope whoever had the growly tummy at the end was able to get some grub quickly after this vid lol

5:56 I started having early morning work the past 2 months. So I would have to be up by 7am. I would do it. Because I had to. I was also very proud of myself for being up so early. But now that I think about it. It was hard for me to fall asleep early and get up early. But it was just morning culture making me feel like I was living my best morning person life.

Girl, how are you optimizing (i feel disgusting just writing that word) your time? I constantly struggle with crashing right after work at 5 and that's if am working from home that day or else I'll be sleeping on the train 😂. I would like to start a RU-vid channel that will hopefully bring in some income but just for fun and learn new things. I have the topics I want to talk about but am struggling to stick to leaning the video editing software even though I feel i got the basics but i constantly feel like i need to learn more before i actually start editing the clips for the videos and that then discourages me

The following habit 💯💯💯

Pov: it's 2006 and you see an ad for new Love Is Blind CDs pop up on your TV.

Chelsea - have you done a fashion video before? I love this shirt.

I work in the afternoon - early night. I am never home before 10.30 to 11 pm and some still judge me because I don't wake up early (I naturally wake up between 9 and 10am). If I do wake up early, I am so tired by 7 pm I am not as efficient in my job. I hate this concept that later sleepers = lazy people

I have always carefully created my social media but is anyone else finding it hard when the algorithms decide what they want me to see rather than what I want?

I go by the 5 ingredients or less for what i buy. Together with the autophagy my body was able to heal from a complete sugar burning metabolism to metabolic flexibility

Night owl visibility! Morning people force their lifestyle on the rest of us. I feel judged by my family for getting up at 9/10 but I work until 1am most nights.

Did you ever get diagnosed for ADHD? Some of the things in this video and other things you've mentioned over the years make me wonder if you're part of the neurodivergent club... The history of severe anxiety, of the whole yeeting the credit card into the void and it no longer existing in your mind, spending money on things you couldn't even remember now, impulsive shopping to feel better, the addiction to sugar, and the night owl body tendency, all of these things tend to resonate with the tendencies of the ADHD loved ones in my life. (I'm autistic so also neurodivergent but different brain flavor.). If you've already mentioned this elsewhere, sorry for the redundancy.